Llyarden
To mortal eyes, the entrance to the 273rd branch of Mx. Tarrasque's Hireling Agency was a thing of wonder.

The road it stood on was wide enough for two dragons to pass with wings stretched to their fullest extent, divided in the middle by rushing water that inexplicably leapt high into the air every block, forming arches that you could walk under to get to the other side, and which was occupied by fish that had long gone extinct on their home worlds and would have been the highlight of any angler's career, such was their purity.  The water was surrounded by foliage on either side, bushes that produced herbs that could cure any mortal illness or injury, give an ordinary farmer the strength of a titan, and far more besides.

The building itself was made of flawless marble, delicate gold filigree tracing around the adamantine door, the windows looked more like diamonds than glass, with enough magical wards and protections that would make the most paranoid tyrant think that maybe they didn't really have it all that bad.

In the Celestial City, though?  It was basically a dingy building in a back alley.

Nonetheless, it was where you'd been told to go to for your first day as new employees of the Agency.  'Just pop in and say hi' had been the exact instructions you'd received on the information pamphlet (which had actually been...kinda light on information as far as what you would actually be  doing  was concerned.)  The 'New Divinites Welcome!  No References Required!' sign that you'd seen at a few of the other branches was stuck on the inside of one of the windows.

It didn't really seem all that... busy , though.

 
 Spoiler: OOC 
And we're off!

 OOC Thread Link 
 Recruitment Thread Link 
 
Ridai
The trip to the building has been well documented via minimap (really, if it could make snapshots of everything, it would be the perfect vacation companion, but one lives with the hand dealt to them after changing some cards you don't particularly like), the golden-haired nymph soaking in the fantastically atrocious city surroundings. You really gotta commit! Get into that awful citylife vibe! You only get a first experience once, so better make the most out of it!

The present divinities are really helping out in that regard, the guards at the gate having that million yard stare and the living death monotone of perpetually drained motivation as they hand out the flier and give directions, doomed to repeat the action an infinite amount of times until all existence comes to a halt, sustained only by meager pay. And there are even locals that quite obviously sneer at her, like that mountain-sized rainbow-colored dragon with the eighthundredfourtyone floating eyes (Bernaise counted, after all, you should pay attention when expanding your horizons) mumbling something about fresh-faced godling chaff soon to scrub the streets. And no one is particularly paying attention to her, unlike everyone gawking and occasionally going blind when she enters any place back home.

All in all, things are going great! Bernaise couldn't be happier, getting the full citylife experience.

Upon reaching the agency, Bernaise stays still in the minimap light for a moment (so it records her), with a big grin, wink, and pointing at the building, before enthusiastically entering in a rather radiant mood. A "pop" sound accompanies her entrance.

  "Hi!"   she says, as per the flier, voice filled with joy.    "I want to be a hireling! The more thankless the work, the better!"   
AlexanderML
Bark Tail took to the sights of the City with a nervous disposition. Committing some landmarks to his mental archive he mostly kept low and to himself, appearing almost as another one of the more scraggly sights a resident's garden could have let loose. It wasn't much of a problem for the nervous fox, since the residents largely ignored him or said nothing, until someone's pet dread grim reaper  did  think he was just some loose animal and took a swing; which sent the fox running ten miles down the street in mere moments with a little squeak.

Luckily for the little guy he was just where he needed to be now, Tarrasque's Hireling Agency.

While run down by the City's standards it was of a standard far more familiar to little Bark Tail, with the ponds reminding him of the rivers in one of his great city-trees. He stared at the fish for a few moments considering swiping at one, but decided against it since the people here probably were... struggling, for lack of a better word, in comparison to the rest of the City. The thought made the fox nervous again as it wandered to the front desk.

Bark Tail sat behind Bernaise with his tails wagging a little, not wishing to interrupt her partially out of respect and partially out of nervousness.

 
 Spoiler: Note 
Bark Tail is using stealth almost all the time before sitting behind Bernaise, with a modifier of +76
 

 
 Spoiler: Bark Tail's appearance  
 
 
Ridai
  "d'awww, hey there little one,"   Bernaise says, and the next moment, she is cradling Bark Tail in one arm, while her free hand administers massage-scritches between and behind the ears in juuust the right way. That the little fox is clearly not just a very powerful animal does not seem to bother her.

Back home, people have killed in the futile attempt to be where Bark Tail is right now, the nymph hailed as her world's most breathtaking being. Here in the City, she has come across several hundred more impressive creatures (at least!), a fact that just underlines in her mind that luck in on her side (as it often is). She is really getting the full nobody experience.
Bphill561
The vast city certainly held wonders and denizens beyond what Shadowscale could image, but he was intent on his one driving focus: rare Tea ingredients.  Clearly some of these fascinating and rare plants must produce a flavorful tea when added in the proper proportions.  Not really sure of the city's state of commerce, mostly outdoor venues with lush plant growth were examined.  He kept his hands to himself for the most part, but several fallen leaves and berries were picked up as the opportunities presented themselves.  He made a great display of these examinations to ensure no denizens would protest him picking up "samples".  Shadowscale dare not enter any buildings where he would be asked to pay for service with his uncertain currency.

Quite be accident he arrived at his destination, a chance at work and a better understanding of how the city functioned.  Before entering the agency, he decided to take on a more fierce appearance. Donning the visage of a Shadow Dragon, which coincidentally the coloration looked quite nice with his top hat and bow tie; he entered the building.  He glanced about noticing the other potential applicants, but was disappointed that no tea service was visible for guests.  Shadowscale summoned an oversized flagon full of pitch black liquid that he pointedly downed in one swift action before dismissing it.

  "I see we have some additional hearty adventurers.  I'm Shadowscale and hopefully I can join your ranks."  
ICN
Aven walked quickly through the city. Things admittedly hadn't been going too well so far, but today was the day things would all turn around. He was going to start working with  the  Tarrasque, they'd become best friends, and he could throw his success into Meilin's face and show them just how wrong they'd been.

He was running a trifle late though. Aven was pretty sure he'd once heard that being early made a good impression, so he'd made an effort, but he hadn't looked both ways before crossing a street and it had taken him ten minutes to regenerate. But he was here now, and he was about to meet his hero. He took a quick drink to steady his nerves, rolled his shoulders to remind him of his confidence tattoos, and quickly high-fived one of his spirit buddies before striding in.

Aven entered, a burly man wearing a tight suit that he kept uncomfortably fidgeting with, walking like somebody who had once had the concept described to him but had never before tried to put into practice.   "Uhhhh..."   His mind had gone blank. He looked down at his hand.   "My name is Aven. It is a pleasure to meet you,"   he said mechanically. It was only then that he took in the people in the room.   "Huh, none of you really seem like a Mx. Tarrasque... Hey, a fox!"   He loosened up considerably as he rushed over and asked   "Can I pet you?"   Examining the people and fox closer didn't result in his thoughts being temporarily obliterated by their sheer power, always a risk in this city, so he was pretty sure he'd been right about none of them being his new employer/bestie.   "Who are you folks anyways?"  
 
 Spoiler: Note 
Aven can be assumed to be using his spirits to poke around any building he's in. He can sense things as if he were standing in their location, and move them up to 60 ft. a round. They're ethereal, so they can go through physical walls but not force effects, which I'm sure are really common in Celestial City.
 
AlexanderML
Bark Tail was faced with the animal's eternal dilemma of being picked up, with his skittish nature and pride clashing with the desire for comfort. His eyes widen and body tenses for several moments before he submits to Bernaise and relaxes. His long tail folds down to the floor, showing that it splits in two.

While Bark Tail's let pixies ride on his back before and been touched by lost children in the woods he's return home, he's never been treated like this before. Beneath the mind of Bark Tail, his other self was amused at his reaction.

Upon Aven's request the fox has a quick jolt run through him before he nods accepting more pets.


  "Who are you folks anyways?"  

 " Bark Tail "  he squeaks out in a high pitch tone.
Ridai
  "Ooh, you're really getting into the spirit of things!"   Bernaise greets the two dapper (and partially awkward) new arrivals. She also shifts posture to help facilitate additional pets for Bark Tail, her motions also guiding Aven's hand to where the little fox seems to like it most. After all, she is a team player when she wants to be.

  "Hello there, I'm Bernaise,"   the nymph says, and smiles like the rising sun. With the name comes the impression of the rest of her, deep green eyes with curiously dragon-like slitted pupils smiling from a face that caused a billion heart aches and fits of envy (and often both at the same time), framed by a fantastical mane of golden hair adorned with strands of reddish vines, and, for whatever reason, a large pair of fluffy bunny ears (in addition to her normal ears). Dressed in what could be described as the wilderness of Elysium married to the protection of Heaven, it is difficult to tell where the intricately-and-ever-unrepeatingly-patterned shaded leaves start and the links of celestial metal end, paradoxically obscuring yet revealing yet obscuring, artificial yet natural. This extends to what could most likely be called "gloves", as the leaves on the back of her hands seem to have plant overgrown bone-like patterns as part of them. Visible beneath the end of her robes/armor, the nymph's dancer-like legs and feet are bare, safe for mithral anklets.

  "You can also call me Benny, Nessy, whatever nickname really, as long as it feels nice on the tongue. Names flit away so quickly, one may as well savor them while they last."  

Bark Tail seems to be getting extra scritches for having bravely and adorably squeaked his name. Positive reinforcement, if you will.
Llyarden
The room that you now all occupy looks very much like an unassuming office - or at least unassuming by the City's standards.  A desk stands forlornly near the far end of the room, devoid of any personal possessions, and a wooden box that seems to be full of papers and files sits next to it.  The walls are dotted with 'motivational' posters, often featuring a cartoony tarrasque on them, and a lone potted plant sits in one corner.  There's one door at the opposite end of the room, near the desk, and what might be another door directly behind the desk, although it's got heavy curtains drawn across it, so there's no way of knowing for sure.

Shortly after Aven arrives, the door swings open again and another figure comes dashing in - or rather, slithers in at high speed, on account of having a humanoid upper body and a massive snake tail in place of her lower body.  It's difficult to say whether she's a living creature or a construct, since she's entirely covered in segmented plates of metal armour that are a dull grey-green at first glance but are red and gold when they catch the light in the right way.

 "Sorry I'm late!"   She pauses when she realises that whoever you're all meant to be meeting doesn't seem to be here yet and sighs in relief, going back and carefully closing the door behind her, coiling up into a neat spiral, looking around at the assembled group.   "So I guess we're co-workers now?  Hi!" 

The tip of her tail is twitching back and forth excitedly, making her seem almost more like a dog than a snake.
Ridai
  "Hi!"   the nymph calls back cheerfully, in accordance to the instructional pamphlet of the agency.  "Seems like we will be!" 

Pointing to each in turn, she introduces (in mostly random order)   "The dapper lad is Aven, the dapper dragon lad is Shadowscale, the adorable little one is Bark Tail, and I'm Bernaise."   Once again, the sun rises as she smiles.

Looking around, there is still a distinct lack of Tarrasque and affiliates (no offense to the vigilant potted plant), so ever the studious nymph, she asks the others   "What do proper cityfolk do in a situation like this? Do they search around furtively, looking for whoever handles appointments? Do they target a small bell that goes 'ding!' to summon an audience? No, wait, perhaps they stand in place in awkward unease, muttering complaints, then pretend it was no bother, they just arrived a minute ago, as confrontation makes them wither on the spot?"   Fascinating creatures, those cityfolk!
ICN
Wow, a fox that could talk to people other than Aven! Today really was looking up. He enthusiastically pets Bark Tail, accepting Bernaise's guidance, and coos at the fox appreciatively.

Aven had some trouble placing the newcomer. He'd seen pretty women before, and he saw dragons all the time at family reunions. Bark Tail was a bit farther afield from his experience, but if Aven could be half-dragon, he saw no reason why a fox couldn't be  half-plant. They lived in such close proximity that it seemed bound to happen  sooner or later. The newcomer though didn't quite map onto anything he'd seen before. Spotting the wagging tail though, he decides to test out one avenue of thought.   "Hi. Do... do you want pets too?"   he asks cautiously.

At Bernaise's question, he looks around.   "Oh, I'll ask."   With a thought Aven sends his spirits exploring, then walks over to the potted plant and starts talking to it.   "Hey, how's it going? Is there something we're supposed to be doing here?"   While he speaks to the plant, he starts carefully stealing one of the cartoony Tarrasque motivational posters.

 
 Spoiler: Mechanics 
Aven is using his spiffy  Green Whisperer  SoG talent to talk to the potted plant, spending a use of skill leverage to give it a vague awareness of the past 24 hours. I'll make a post in the OOC thread later going over the SoG stuff I slapped on now that that's all worked out.

Edit: Will go ahead and set Aven's spirits to exploring behind the door, the curtain, and flying through the desk to see if there's anything inside of it. For reference, they're the Spirit Mender's  Bound Spirits , with the  Ensouled Vision  feat to view things from where they are. Their speed is boosted a bit from 40' to 60' by another feat.
 
Llyarden
 "I'm Nova!"  the snake...woman...robot? replies to Bernaise.  She tilts her head on one side slightly at Aven's question.   "I don't know!"  she decides, after a few moments.   "I've never been petted before."   After another few moments of consideration she shifts position slightly, lowering her head so anyone who felt particularly inclined could pat her on the head.

Meanwhile, Aven gets an unexpectedly cogent response from the plant.  "Again?"  It gives the plant version of a long-suffering sigh.  "Just go wake him up, he's over there."  'There,' in this case, seems to mean the desk.

Aven's spirits find that the other door, like the walls, is warded, so they just kinda bounce off it.  The desk and curtain are not, but as they get close something rather unexpected happens, as a long, dark grey tongue lashes out from the chair tucked into the desk at one of the spirits, almost like a frog catching a fly!

...I mean it doesn't actually  do  anything, because the spirits are impervious to harm, but still.

 "Whozawhatnow?"  the chair mumbles, sleepily.   "Oh."   It sighs and skitters out from under the desk to face the five of you.   "Welcome to Mx. Tarrasque's Hireling Agency, where we get the jobs you need done sorted at a price you like."   Whether it's the difficulties of talking while in chair form or just the chair's general attitude, what is probably supposed to be a cheery slogan comes out dull and droning.    "Unfortunately this particular branch of the agency isn't taking job requests right now owing to a staff shortage, but I can direct you to another branch nearby." 
Ridai
Bernaise   "Ooh!"  s as Aven takes the initiative, sends out ghosts, and asks the most qualified person in the room (the office plant). Good lad, that Aven! The nymph makes her first mental notes on what it means to be cityfolk. Things are going very well indeed.

As the bored mimic pipes up, Bernaise's enthusiasm remains unbroken.   "Splendid! We have popped in, we have said 'Hi!', and we would like to become hirelings!"   she says, while her free non-Bark-Tail-holding hand administers pets to Nova's scalp (   "Can you feel that? Do you need more pressure because of the metal?"   ). Bark Tail's pets continuing via  mage hand  instead. One's first pets need to be done properly. She is sure Bark Tail understands. Sharing is caring.
ICN
Aven gives Nova a considering look and places his new poster into orbit around him.   Hmmmm... with all that metal, just regular petting wouldn't cut it. She probably wouldn't feel the warmth of a regular hand either.   Aven steps towards Nova, a small heat haze appearing around his hands, and pets her head, putting some muscle into it.

Aven gives a quick nod and murmured thanks to the helpful plant, then consolingly pats the spirit that was a victim of attempted mastication. He turns narrowed eyes on the chair.   "I'd go somewhere else, but I've actually got a job for you specifically that no one else can do: apologizing for trying to eat my spirit buddy here, Wind-in-the-Trees."   As he glares at the chair though, a thought springs to mind. He glances at the unusually cogent plant, then looks at his new poster and whispers an aside.     "Are you alive too?"    
 
 Spoiler: Mechanics 
Aven places his poster safely into  Orbit , then uses  Energetic Touch  to heat his hands to the point where they can melt some metals for Nova petting. He's pretty sure she's not made of cheap low-melting point stuff though. Probably.
 
AlexanderML
Bark Tail furrowed his brow a bit while considering if he should be pro-active in this situation. With a thought a small halo loops into existence above Bark Tail's head like a loading bar that takes a few moments to complete before disappearing, leaving behind a second Bark Tail which appears on the ground and stands at attention... with one end of his tail waving towards Nova.

 
 Spoiler: Notes 
Bark Tail is casting a spell Zu crafted called "Zu's Improved Duplicate" which unlike what the name would imply actually uses  Time Clone  as it's base. It just increases the spell point cost of the talent by 3 and changes the casting time to an hour to make it last in hours/2 levels. Zu and their personas can reduce the casting time to a full-round+attack action (which they can do in a single round).

The result is a copy of Bark Tail that will stay around for just about over half a day, but will poof the moment it takes any damage or fails any save.
 
Bphill561
Shadowscale takes in the scene.  Spirits flying every which way, giant metal snakes getting petted, Posters being stolen, and the office chair telling us they have a staffing shortage.  Shadowscale begins to wonder if the chair is the reason that there is a staff shortage, maybe he got hungry and took over their job.

  "I am pretty certain sir chair, that we came to solve just that problem.  Surely you don't need to send us to another location to fix your immediate needs?"    Shadowscale begins to eye the door the spirits were unable to pass through, wondering if there was some further explanation hiding behind the door.
Llyarden
 "Oh, it's your familiar?"  the chair drones.   "Sorry about that.  You should train it better."   He falls quiet for a few moments as he considers Bernaise's words, then turns his back on you and scuttles back to the box full of papers, rummaging around with his tongue.

Eventually he produces a few pieces of paper and flicks through them (his tongue dividing into two to let him turn the pages).   "Oh.  Right.  You're the new hires.  Guess that explains it."   He stuffs the pages haphazardly back into their box, and retrieves a rather dog-eared-looking folder that says 'Onboarding Guide' on the front cover.   "One, two, three, four, five...six?"   He pauses for a few moments as he takes in the duplicate Bark Tails, then shrugs (the corners of his cushion turning up).   "Well, whatever.  Thank you all for applying to join Mx. Tarrasque's Hireling Society.  I am pleased to tell you all that you have been accepted.  I am Mimo, the branch supervisor, and therefore your boss.  So you can call me 'boss,' or 'Mr Mimo,' or 'sir,' or whatever other suitably formal appellation takes your fancy, I don't really care to be honest but those are the rules."

"You'll find your new uniforms through that door."   He flicks with his tongue in the direction of the closed door.   "If by some freak happenstance you manage to damage it, you pay to get it fixed.  Oh, and wearing your uniform is mandatory at all times while you are on the clock, which you are right now, because you have a job."   He pauses for a few moments.   "Well, actually, you have a lot of jobs, because it took a couple weeks for the message that this branch had no staff to filter back to Head Office, but we're close to breaching our service level agreement on this one and that could cost me my bonus, so you're doing that one first.  So...off you trot, go get dressed." 

Throughout all of this, Nova had been enjoying the unusual experience of being petted - her armour, as it happened, was actually quite thin (at least by the standards of the calibre of armour you were used to seeing, although fortunately she did indeed seem fairly non-meltable) so she could feel Bernaise's pats just fine.  When the duplicate Bark Tail had appeared, Nova had looked curiously at it and then bent down to attempt to mimic Bernaise's petting motions.

(The poster does not reply to Aven.)
Ridai
Pre-determined soulless "onboarding"! Needless formalities! Identity-devouring uniforms! Immediately getting threatened with financial distress and piles of work already close to deadlines! Really hitting the ground running here! Many mental notes are made.

  "Ooh! Yes, Mr. Boss Mimo, sir!"   She even throws in a sailor's salute for good measure, perfectly mimicking the bored way she observed said sailors do it, which clashes with how clearly enthusiastically the nymph is doing the gesture. Afterwards, she immediately walks to where she can find the uniforms, with a spring in her step, said spring also moving her across entire rooms with each step.

A little thought is spent towards wondering whether the uniform can be worn over her leaf garb (Celestial metal? What metal? You must be mistaken, Bernaise has never worn metal armor, that would be just silly!). The thought is quickly dismissed. These are made by deities! Surely, they have solved such minor issues, along with not having fit right. Silly mortals and their inability to have their servant uniforms fit Bernaise.
AlexanderML
The second Bark Tail nods to Mimo before looking over towards the first.

With a blur of motion Bark Tail appears next to the uniforms, stretching for a moment before examining them with a sniff. He's certainly not looking forward to wearing something over his mossy back, and hopes they at least fit his small quadruped shape.

The minic's idea of somehow breaking them seemed funny to the mind beneath Bark Tail, as it would likely take them over twenty seconds to break a god's major artifact. By that point it's not much of a mistake; yet the idea of encountering something that could casually damage such things intrigued them.

 
 Spoiler: Notes 
Bark Tail and Zu's other persona's have just about every detect spell on at all times. If applicable (such as the functions of the uniforms not being obvious) Bark Tail will spellcraft them.

 (1d20+59)[ 74 ] 
 
Bphill561
  "Oh no, uniforms....  What kind of civilized hell is this?  I'm a dragon, I ruled the air, I... wonder if it is polymorphic and will accent my hat."  

Shadowscale hurries over to check out the uniforms.  Although a detect curse spell is in order, there might be fine print that you can never take the uniform off.

 
 Spoiler: Detect Curse 
Really Silent Image emulation

 Spellcraft Roll verse DC 20 :  (1d20+47)[ 59 ] 

DC 20 will tell me if there is a curse.
 
ICN
Aven supposed that was a good enough apology, and fortunately his poster seemed to be non-sentient so he was free to keep it. As Mimo talked though, a new concern started forming. He didn't want to seem unworldly, but as he slowly walked over to the uniforms he found that he couldn't help himself.   "Excuse me, when do we meet Mx. Tarrasque?"  
 
 Spoiler: Magic Detection 
This seems like the appropriate time to mention that Aven's generally got three spirits doing divinations as per the  Ensouled Vision  feat, one of which is the base ability to  divine magic . He'll take a look at the uniforms, but also check to see if there are any magical auras around Nova. (IIRC Bernaise does not have Mind Blank going, but Zu/Bark Tail and Shadowscale do).

Spellcraft:  (1d20+41)[ 52 ] 
 
Llyarden
There's a humanoid mannequin in one corner of the room, with a sign hanging around its neck saying 'expected uniform standards - new employees take note!!'  (Yes, with two exclamation marks).  The uniform the mannequin is wearing doesn't seem the  most  flattering, a grey-green jumpsuit with a stiff collar that clips closed with a buckle, belt with many pockets (presumably for holding tools), sturdy gloves and boots, and a flat cap.  The jumpsuit has a small cartoony tarrasque logo where a breast pocket might be, and a much larger version of the same logo on the back, while the boots have one on each ankle, the gloves have one on the back of each hand, and the flat cap has one that stretches right across the cap itself.  The last part of the outfit consists of a name badge worn opposite to the logo on the jumpsuit

Five neatly folded...well, the best way to describe them would be blobs of fabric...with flat caps, gloves and name badge perched on top of them, and five sets of boots await you set in front of each uniform.

Fortunately, after a little experimentation, it becomes apparent that the uniforms  are  polymorphic to some degree, as they sprout limb-holes as appropriate for the assorted physiologies of the group as you pick them up.  (They also do not appear to be cursed, so that's always a plus).  Donning them - which, after a little experimentation, you work out is best done by stepping  through  the collar and pulling it up over one's body - reveals that they sort of... meld  with whatever you might be wearing already, absorbing ordinary clothes (magical or otherwise) without showing any sign of their presence but flowing over heavier garb like armour like they're a glaze.

Nova, for her part, seems delighted by the transforming jumpsuits, her tail flicking back and forth even more excitedly...which is probably a little more inconvenient than it was given that the employee room is a bit more cramped than the main office outside.

 
 Spoiler: OOC 
The uniforms have overwhelming auras of transmutation and abjuration.  Mechanically they size and transform themselves to suit their owners and their owners' equipment.  The name badges additionally have overwhelming auras of divination and print your name and pronouns on them as soon as you put them on the jumpsuit.  The flat caps additionally have overwhelming auras of conjuration and divination, but even with your skills you can't tell exactly what purpose they serve.

The uniforms will never deny you class features or feats, so if for instance you have to have your armour visible or the like for a certain ability, it still counts as being visible through the jumpsuit.

(And if you're curious about the boots - for Bark Tail, if he awkwardly tries to get two paws in one boot it splits in two like mitosis, while Nova's boots fuse together into a single thing that ends up on the underside of the part of her snake body she uses to slither around on.)
 


Back in the main room, Mimo sighs.   "'When do we meet Mx. Tarrasque?'  In case you missed it on the door, this is the 273rd branch.  Do you really think the big boss comes and visits every single branch individually every time we get some newbies?  If you want to  see  them -"  and with a flick of his tongue he pulls the curtains that were behind the desk back to reveal...well, it's kind of hard to say what exactly you're looking at.  At first it looks like some kind of island in the ocean until you realise that the view seems to make you so high up that the ocean looks like a flat plane...and the island is breathing.   "'There you go.  You've seen the boss.  Now go get changed." 
 
 Spoiler: OOC 
Anyone who looks closely at/through the window, make a DC50 Will save or be Sickened for a couple minutes by the perspective distortions.
 
ICN
  "I'm... I'm not going to meet Mx. Tarrasque?"   Aven looks at Mimo with a lost expression on his face before a thought manages to penetrate his daze.   "So I wore this for NOTHING?!"   With a flex and a roar, his tight suit explodes off him, revealing a pair of shorts and many tattoos. Most of them depict Aven standing victorious in some situation, surrounded by cheering crowds, but the most prominent of them shows Aven and Mx. Tarrasque seemingly having hit it off as friends and enjoying a drink at a bar. With a moment of focus, the Tarrasque changes to Mimo, who sticks out from the surroundings due to just how little effort went into them compared to all the other tattoos.

Aven gestures at the revised tattoo.   "This isn't remotely satisfying! Nobody's going to be impressed that I work with  Mimo . I bet  you're  capable of death,"   he says with a sneer. His ravings are stopped cold by a sudden thought: he  really  needed this job. With another moment of focus the depiction of Mimo becomes a much more flattering one, with any minor imperfections smoothed out.   "...Boss. But I'm sure you have many great qualities, like... excellent lumbar support? I'll uh, I'll just go get changed then."   Aven walks towards the changing room, then quickly veers to the window and stares intently, burning the image into his memory, before resuming his trip.

 
 Spoiler: Mechanics 
Aven changes tattoos with the  Shifting Disguise  feat.

Craft check for the more flattering depiction of Mimo:  (1d20+59)[ 71 ] 

Aven takes a perfect memory of the view from the window with the  Flawless Recall  talent, and is immune to sickened. If nothing interrupts him, he'll take another memory of the mannequin that says to take note and will don the uniform.
 
Ridai
Bernaise goes to suit up, but takes a little bit of time, to savor that experience of being forced into an identical worker drone outfit.

As Aven enters, the nymph is just about finished pulling up the jumpsuit and put on her flat cap, golden hair still flowing out from under it. Her name tag reads "Bernaise", and her pronouns seem to be changing  rapidly , but linger on "she/her" at times. It was rather difficult not to hear his disappointment a room over, so she gives him some consoling pats on the shoulder.   "Aw, Aven, honey. You'll meet Mx. Tarrasque eventually! I've got just the thing to cheer you up."   And she gestures with both hands to Bark Tail.   "Bark Tail got little bootsies!"   she says, with the biggest grin.

Putting on her boots and gloves, Bernaise cheerfully says   "All we need to do is work our way through grueling, thankless assignments to rise through the dehumanizing corporate machine with agonizing slowness, at the mercy of our superiors, and perhaps in a few decades or centuries, we might briefly be in the same general area as Mx. Tarrasque,"   making it sound like it was just around the corner.   "We'll get there!"  

Looking herself over, the nymph snickers.   "Wow, this thing makes me look top-  and  bottom-heavy."  
AlexanderML
The second Bark Tail jumped to the far end of the room (or however far you can get with a mile-long leap) when Aven unleashed their explosive reveal, while the first still in a crouched position with two feet in a shoe mid-split simply flinched as they leaped up to the ceiling; both yelping quietly. After a second looking around them the pair returned. By then the original Bark Tail's moss had overtaken much of the uniform's back (it was after all needed for defense) leaving his boots and lower end of his abdomen being where it could be prominently seen.

The two Bark Tails were looking at one another, tails wagging a bit as the original had his head lowered slightly in embarrassment and the second one wagged his in amusement. Whether this is from the outfit itself or Bernaise's comment is left unsaid.

As the two Bark Tails looked over at the supposed form of Mx. Tarrasque's the pair could feel the minds beneath them stir with amp attention, calling on them to record this moment; so for the time being they begin doing so.

 
 Spoiler: Note 
Bark Tail is using  Mental Archive  to record a minute's worth of full sensory information, spending a spell point to have it turn into a permanently perfectly recallable memory that does not count against Zu's limit in 24 hours.

 Will Save: 
 (1d20+59)[ 72 ] 
 


To the chat between Aven and Bernaise the original Bark Tail adds, more for himself   "Starts come in all shapes sizes, yet someday each chick leaves the nest once they have wings."  

The second Bark Tail meanwhile is looking towards Mimo at attention for the assignment that needs to be done soon.
ICN
Bernaise's tone was nice, but what she was saying didn't seem to match up. He didn't quite get what Bark Tail was saying either, since Aven already had wings. As he pondered what they were saying, he caught sight of his motivational poster and it all clicked.

  "Ooooooh, I get it, since Mimo-"   Aven cut himself off, managing to avoid trash talking his new boss for the second time in as many minutes. He looked at Bark Tail with admiration.   "Wow, you're clever and cute, aren't ya Bark Tail."  

Bernaise was proposing a long, grueling slog up the corporate ladder, but what Bark Tail was pointing out was that Mimo was clearly bad at his job. This branch was about to fold from lack of workers, he regularly slept on the job, and he manipulated everything by licking it, which was a thought that nagged at Aven for some reason. With that in mind, the wings were a metaphor for competence; Aven would be able to leave the nest (this lowly job) and would fly to the top of the sky/the company in no time. He could see it now...


 
  "For your incredible business acumen and for figuring out what exactly Nova is, I'm pleased to promote you to vice president of Tarrasque Industries,"  Mx. Tarrasque said as they officially crowned Aven with the ceremonial hat of business. The crowd erupted into cheers as a curtain fell away, revealing a giant poster of Aven wearing glasses and heroically smiting paperwork. As his eyes roved the people assembled before him, he caught sight of Bark Tail, who smiled, nodded, then disappeared into the crowd. 

 

And Bark Tail had managed to communicate all of that without tipping their hand to Mimo. Truly impressive. Aven admittedly didn't know much about how businesses worked, but if someone like Mimo could make manager, then it couldn't be that hard. He let out a relieved sigh.   "Thanks, I feel a lot better now. You folks are alright. And Bernaise, when I'm vice president I promise to give you all the menial jobs you want."   It sounded kinda odd when he said it, but she seemed to be really into that for some reason so he figured it was probably okay. At that point, a thought catches up to him related to his revelations about Mimo and he quickly casts a cleaning spell on his poster.
Ridai
The nymph nods enthusiastically to what Bark Tail said.   "My daughters have been full of surprises in that regard. My Fex followed her heart, swept the queen of all harpies off her feet with burning passion, and redeemed said former demon lord high priestess to boot! And they sang a wonderful duet during the height of the world domination musical when Zephyria planned my downfall. I could not be more proud!"  

Bernaise finger guns at Aven.   "That's the spirit! Hmm, but once that happens, it might be time for me to experience that hellscape the cityfolk called 'Middle Management'. Or the horrors of the Domain of Retail, perhaps? Though I also heard much talk about taverns, so being a Maiden of the Bar also sounds interesting in what cityfolk subject themselves to. Ah, I'll just find out when we get there."  

With that (and showing a smiling thumbs up to Shadowscale and Nova as compliment for their new looks), Bernaise heads back to Mimo with her characteristic spring in her step.   "Duty is being reported, Sir Boss Mimo!"  
Bphill561
Shadowscale eyes the uniform, its color, and apparent lack of style.  He surmises all of these qualities would help him blend into the crowd and maybe deflect some of the blame (if there was any) for tasks completed to the agency instead of himself.  He snaps his fingers stowing the Top Hat and monocle with a look of regret on his face.  Then the bow tie is careful removed and placed next to the uniform, followed by the donning of the uniform itself.  He tried comforting himself in the thought that it was highly magical, but it did not seem to make up for his glumness.

He then fixes his eyes on Bernaise with a questioning look.

  "Miss Bernaise, could you help me with an experiment?  This uniform needs something, and I am thinking maybe if you can help me place this bow tie on after the uniform is worn, then it won't get absorbed?"    He puts on his best smile to eliminate the look of distress on his face.  His form shifts to perfectly match that of a Deep dragon (probably less fierce than the Shadow dragon form) with a purple scale color that does it's best to compliment the green uniform.

Shadowscale further mumbles to himself,   "I assume a Glamour Costume spell is going to beyond the realm of possibility with this uniform."  
Ridai
  "Of course!"   Bernaise picks up the bow tie with the lightest pinch on the middle, and waits for the go ahead.  "Aaand here you go,"  she says as she puts on the bow tie with obvious dexterity, followed by little adjustments to ensure it sits right. One has to be aware that not everyone is a citylife tourist, thus not everyone wishes to be entirely undappered.

And of course, she too would like to know what happens with the bow tie.
Llyarden
Mimo...well he doesn't really have eyes or any real facial expression, but you get the distinct impression he is giving Aven a thoroughly  unimpressed  look - which, if anything, becomes even less impressed at Aven's attempt at a compliment.

The bow tie... sort of  stays behind.  It melds into the uniform, but there's definitely the outline of a bow tie where it had been.   "Making purely cosmetic modifications to your uniform is prohibited under section 154X of the employees' code of conduct,"  Mimo calls over to you, still sounding as bored as ever.   "Only Division Managers and above are allowed to.  Which is why I'm a branch manager, because I don't have to wear my uniform when I'm in my branch.  Stupid things look ugly." 

Nova, for her part, looks over at Bernaise as the nymph boasts about her family, tilting her head on one side (somehow the flat-cap doesn't fall off).   "You have children?"  she asks, sounding almost...envious.

Once the group are suitably attired and assembled back in the office, Mimo picks up another folder (this one was sitting on top of the box of papers).   "So, your first job.  You're going to be subduing the Lazy Rockhopper Tavern.  The barkeep paid an extra bonus to our Division Head or something so it's been 'impartially' rated as important.  It's still the lowest rank of job, so the barkeep shouldn't be expecting much from you, but try not to completely embarrass yourselves.  Transport to the site will, as always, be provided by the Agency, transport back will be provided when the job is complete.  Any questions?" 
Ridai
  "Four girls! And maybe a granddaughter soon too, if Zephyria doesn't throw in the towel,"   Bernaise says, suffused by an almost literal warm glow as she thinks of her family (and thus also her Luvia; there will have to be many trips back between jobs, but to Bernaise's credit, she is able to suppress twirling her hair around a finger as she thinks about her solar mate). She does make a mental note about Nova's reaction, but leaves it at this for now. They are now, as the cityfolk say, "on the clock", and perhaps a little comfort and privacy will go a long way towards broaching that particular topic.

She also pats her condolences on Shadowscale's shoulder, given the bow tie result, with the unspoken promise that one day, they shall be promoted to the lofty heights where ties shall be free!

The nymph raises a begloved hand high in the air, 120% motivated.   "What will we be subduing, Mr. Boss, sir? Something in the tavern, or the tavern itself?"  
ICN
Aven wilted a bit in the face of Mimo's furniture facsimile of a facial expression. He'd been getting looks like that an awful lot since coming to this city. But he'd show them all eventually, they'd see. In the meantime though, he fidgeted uncomfortably in the uniform. It managed to get the wing holes right, which had been a real rarity back home, but he just wasn't used to wearing much in the way of clothing. Taking all hits really did a number on your wardrobe. Which... might be a problem if he had to pay for damages to the outfit actually.

  "How tough are these uniforms exactly? If they get destroyed as a natural result of us carrying out our expected duties, are we still liable for them?"   He glances at Shadowscale.   "If purely cosmetic modifications are out, how about ones that serve a non-cosmetic function?"  

Thinking a bit more on the bow tie issue, Aven forms his spirits into a loose collar around his neck, hovering over the uniform without touching it.   "Maybe something like this could work?"   he says to Shadowscale.
Llyarden
Mimo gives an overdramatic sigh.   "You're not going to be sent to deal with anything powerful enough to damage these uniforms.  If, by some miracle, you do end up getting them damaged on the job, then you can submit form 546A...unless it was 564A...whatever, you submit some form or other that says that they were damaged on the job and then your branch supervisor reviews it and decides whether you should be charged based on the form.  That's the official answer.  Unofficially, you'd better have a real good excuse if you're going to make me do more work reading forms.  They're enchanted to allow their bearers to 'fully utilise their normal equipment and abilities while still maintaining a coherent, consistent appearance across all our valued employees,' but if you really want to get permission to modify them, you'd have to ask my boss.  But if you do decide to go pester her, I absolutely told you not to under any circumstances." 

He looks back over to Bernaise.   "Okay - Mimo's Important Lesson For Living In The City, number 1.  This City is occupied by beings so overwhelmingly powerful that a drop of their sweat has more magical energy than the five, six, however many of you there are now, all put together.  The only reason the whole damn place doesn't explode from the energy is that  even more powerful  entities have made this City somewhere people like us can be safely.  But even that's not flawless.  I don't know if you ever went to a tavern back on your world?" 
 "I didn't,"  Nova pipes up, and gets as withering a glare from Mimo as a chair can give.

 "That was  rhetorical .  For those of you that  did  go to taverns, you'll know they come with drinks and food being spilled, people being sick, riotous dancing, bar brawls, all that good stuff that, in the City, means a lot of deities in close proximity giving off a lot of energy, and a lot of Ambrosia thrown about the place.  And all that energy has to go somewhere, so it goes into the building and its furnishings.  The buildings themselves are warded well enough that they keep a steady level of power, but the chairs, the tables, the alcohol bottles, the chandeliers...whatever the heck they have in there, it all gets...rowdy.  So, every so often, the Agency gets contracted to...basically burn off all that extra energy.  In other words, beat up anything in there that moves until it isn't moving any more." 
Bphill561
Shadowscale resists the urge to summon up an illusion of a free floating bow tie.  It is probably against the spirit of the rule, and he rather try such things in private if he was really going to experiment. Hmm, there are some spell effects that overlay an image on top of you, maybe the uniform will get rid of those...

Unintentionally playing with his collar,   "Thank you all for your fashion condolences.  It seems will just have to rise to the position of Bosses so we can dress to impress."    He keeps a steady eye on Mimo while delivering this statement.  Maybe Mimo would sound even more pessimistic if he warranted a response at all.

  "Lets see what kind of rowdy undesirables we can find at the tavern, you know, besides us."     Shadowscale wonders if the uniform will smell like split alcohol or if it is self cleaning.  If any free drinks are acquired, he would love to blame the smell of alcohol on the uniform.  Got to get your loot some how, and drinks would be least likely to be missed in a bar fight.
Ridai
  "That sounds hilarious! No further questions, and ready to go!"   True, the tavern becoming divinely animate is not really what would happen in the normal cityfolk experience, but she has been inside a tavern mimic once, so Bernaise figures this is close enough. Sometimes you are beating up the tavern's patrons, sometimes you are beating up the tavern. Tomato, potato, as the mortals say.
ICN
Aven goggled at Nova's pronouncement.   "What?! That's a proper tragedy is what that is. Mimo's completely right about bars being wonderful. There's drinking and laughing and fearless tales of mighty deeds and the fish that got away. Then, when everyone's properly buzzed the fighting starts. You pick up whatever's close to hand, tables, bottles, cha-"   Very nearly too late, Aven's brain managed to point out to him that Mimo was directly in his line of sight.   "*-nge. Rolls of change held in fists. Never chairs though, always had a soft spot for chairs, boss. Anyways, then you smash the item over the head of the person you're tangling with."  

 Aven pauses a moment, a medley of the many furnishings that he had smashed or had smashed against him running through his mind. There probably wouldn't be some pandimensional hive mind of furniture that would hold a grudge there though.   "I suppose if we're fighting furniture we should really be hitting them with people instead, but..."   He looks over his colleagues. Three of them were hiding from detection magic, and Bernaise had magical armor.   "I don't think any of you could really take it. You all seem like the dodging type,"   he says dismissively.   "Unless one of you knows something about wielding people as weapons?"  

Aven snaps his fingers.   "Oh, I know what to do. This is Nova's first bar brawl, and it would be a crying shame if we didn't do it right. We'll all start drinking here, get to know each other and get the party going, then head to the bar for the fight. I'll make the drinks so give me your orders. So what can you folks do anyways? I'm strong and tough!"   He flexes demonstratively, and then notices Mimo again.   "Uh, boss, this is one of those  business  parties, you know, ummm..."   he tried to remember some of the grease speak Meilin would use with merchants and bureaucrats.   "A team building exercise for our fledgling department, vital for increasing cohesion and for turning a group of disparate  individuals into one synergistic whole, capable of responding agilely  and efficiently to the varied challenges of the modern business  environment. Err... I suppose we could maybe drink on the way instead."  
 
 Spoiler: *Bluff Check 
*Bluff Check:  (1d20)[ 15 ]  Technically Aven should have a modifier, but he's just so, so bad at lying.
 

 
 Spoiler: Other Mechanics 
Aven will use the  Sustenance  talent to make everyone's drink, and a mineral water for the office plant. Profession (Cook):  (1d20+54)[ 57 ] 
 
AlexanderML
The Bark Tails gave each other looks when Bernaise mentioned her kids, since Bark Tails children were far more numerous. Though most were unnoteworthy on a world stage, he still kept up with them when Zu permitted.

The two look towards Mimo with a nod after he gives his speech, the pair could feel the minds beneath becoming impatient. Yet then Aven began to amuse the minds, even as both Bark Tails still felt weary about all that energy. Bark Tail nods in confirmation when Aven mentions talking on the go.
Llyarden
 "That sounds fun!"  Nova says, excitedly, as Aven explains the concept of a bar brawl to her - only to them kinda deflate when he says none of them would be able to take him using them.   "Aww..." 
 "Consuming alcohol on duty is a breach of the code of conduct,"  Mimo says,  "so for goodness sake don't go drinking outside.  I'd be the one having to explain it to my boss if you get reported, and that's way too much work.  Anyway, now you all know what you're doing, go team build on the job."   He taps one of his legs on the floor, making a loud wooden clack sound that seems to echo a little bit longer than it should.

 "I'm strong and tough too!"  Nova slithers over to Aven, mimicking his flexing - although given that she's completely enclosed in her armour, it doesn't really demonstrate much in her case.   "Or...I think I am?"   She considers for a few moments.   "I guess being the strongest thing in my universe doesn't mean much here.  Hmm..."   She falls quiet again before returning to Aven's original question as she starts to head for the door.   "What kind of drink tastes sweet?  I never got to drink anything before, it kept evaporating.  But sweet things taste nice!" 
Ridai
  "If diplomacy fails or circumstances become too annoying and resistant to words or when I feel like it, I tend to shoot things with my bow. I also dabble in a little magic! And a little bit of this, little bit of that. As for toughness, I prefer the dance instead, unless my dearest Luvia wishes to shield me from harm as I swoon in their strong arms."   As much as Bernaise nigh-compulsively gushes about her soulmate (oh, a tiny little twirl of the hair snuck out!) and their children, the nymph doesn't toot her own horn all  that much.  She's feeling perfectly comfortable being exactly how she is.

As for Nova wondering what drink tastes sweet, Bernaise moves over to her.   "Oh, plenty ones, especially if you add sugar to them. Mortals in my world are especially fond of honeyed milk, or even better, the vaunted 'choccy milk'. They hold iron belief it warms the very soul, and I am inclined to agree."   She could really go for choccy milk right now. But more importantly, she adds   "Nova, darling, I have an idea. Whenever you think of something you haven't done before, but would like to do, make a list, you tell us, and we'll see about making it happen. New experiences are wonderful things."   Really, the nymph is beginning to wonder what else poor Nova has been deprived of. Bernaise may as well correct such appalling hands dealt by the proverbial hand of Fate the mortals so love to talk about.
ICN
Aven shrugs.   "Alright, choccy milk it is then. It's more about the spirit of the thing than the spirits anyways."   He makes the drinks for everyone and downs his in one gulp. The ritual of barroom commiseration officially begun, he starts talking as he follows Nova out the door, nodding in sympathy at her words.   "I don't know about my whole universe, but I never met a being I couldn't out muscle before. First day here though, I get smashed to jelly in a contest of strength in a bar. And not even a  good  bar by this place's standards, this was some crummy dive bar. It's been a real challenge to adjust. Like, did you know there are spurious bridge salespeople here? I know I probably come across as the perfect worker who's been doing this job thing for my entire life, but it's honestly just natural talent; this is the first time I've ever done this sort of thing."  

Aven nods enthusiastically at Bernaise's words.   "Yeah, that sounds like a good time. You just let us know, Nova."  
Ridai
  "Wow, first day and already got into a bar fight and a potential scam! I have much to learn!"   Bernaise beams as she clinks choccy milk mugs with Aven and whoever else wants to join in, and starts the delightful sipping process, giving not one, but two approving   "Mh"  s in regards to the beverage.
Llyarden
 "Okay!"   Nova clinks her mug with Bernaise happily.  The question as to how exactly she might end up drinking it is answered shortly thereafter when a faceplate on her visor slides down - causing a bright light and heat to emanate from the opening in her armour.

Fortunately, the City's magic means that the chocolate milk  doesn't  immediately evaporate, and Nova downs hers rapidly as well, wriggling almost like her whole body is wagging instead of just her tail.  Her visor slides back closed with a click before she turns back to Aven.   "Delicious!"   Then she pauses.   "But, um...where are we?" 

The door that had brought you from the alleyway into the Agency branch...does not appear to have taken you back to the alleyway when you left the building.

Instead, you find yourselves in an entirely different building - an unoccupied tavern, with a large statue of a sleeping penguin pride of place in the centre.

And while at first the tavern seems like a normal tavern - well, 'normal' by the standards of the City, anyway - there is a certain... tense ...atmosphere, despite there not being anyone else in there with you.  The perceptive among you would notice that things are  moving , slightly, subtly.  The effect reminds you unnervingly of some kind of big animal readying to pounce at its prey.

Apparently, this is what Mimo meant when he said that transport would be provided to the site of the job.

(The door to the tavern, which you'd seemingly come in by, if you open it, opens on to whatever road the tavern itself is - but only slightly, as some tape has been placed across the door, preventing you from opening it more than an inch or two.  The tape...isn't actually attached to anything, it's just kinda stuck in mid-air at its ends, and it seems to be as much magic as it is a physical substance, black letters spelling out 'THA Workers On Site.  We Appreciate Your Patience' scrolling past with a black cartoon tarrasque figure on either end of the sentence.)
Ridai
  "We are right where we should be,"   Bernaise sages serenely, as blinks of the eye, a magnificent bow appears in the nymph's hand, looking like a branch straight from a storybook drawing transitioning into slender canopies with a starry nightsky peeking through the leaves, no matter from where one looks at them.

  "Ooh, quick! What is proper tavern fight behavior? Do we start blasting, or do we agitate the furniture first?"   One may as well do it right when one fights a tavern for the first time!
ICN
  "Generally some gibes are good form, get some verbal sparring to lead into the actual sparring."   Aven starts limbering up and opens his mouth confidently. After a moment, he closed it. None of his existing repertoire was really fitting here.   "I'll... furnish you a beating? Ugh, no."   Aven swears and furrows his brow in desperate thought, taking in the surroundings.   "...Y'all look like your maker wasn't allowed to work sober."   Aven nods in satisfaction at that one.

 
 Spoiler: Mechanics 
Seems like combat's afoot, so Aven will expend martial focus to enter the Improvised Martial Arts stance for 13 rounds, turn the belated shift shapeshift trait into the size change, growing up huge size or whatever is comfortable for the space if smaller, and will regain martial focus by taking a drink.
 
AlexanderML
The Bark Tails fidget glancing around them, the vines they carry on their backs moving a bit as they ready themselves. Then suddenly the pair effectively disappear as they begin to move in an invisible blur across the room.

As the pair are having a minor bit of panic, the minds beneath them are warmly amused at the present tension. They begin archiving the event for the future review.

 
 Spoiler: Mechanics 
 Both Bark Tails use the Vanish talent to make a stealth check even while being watched, with Walk Unseen they can continue to be out in the open and not break stealth, and finally with Lurker they are not automatically detected by unusual senses like Blind Sight, Tremorsense, and other mundane or supernatural ways to automatically detect someone in stealth.

Original Bark Tail Stealth Check:  (1d20+76)[ 84 ] 

Duplicate Bark Tail Stealth Check:  (1d20+76)[ 93 ] 

Perception Checks (just in case it helps):

OBT:  (1d20+69)[ 80 ] 
DBT:  (1d20+69)[ 88 ] 

Zu begins to archive the next minute's worth of events in their Mental Archive.
 
Ridai
As Aven so kindly demonstrates proper tavern fight etiquette, the nymph follows his example. Well. At least as far as she understands it. A finger goes to her jawline in thought for a moment before pointing up in realization.

  "I wanted to jibe about standing in a run-down Abyssal latrine, but not even dredges about to explode would piss on you if you were on fire!"   Whether the delighted grin and sunny disposition with which she delivers this helps or hinders the matter at hand remains to be seen.

 
 Spoiler: OOC 
Bernaise doesn't really do anything productive, but she has her bow in hand and thus threatens everything within 220ft of her.

Though I guess she readies a shot at the first thing that attacks them, just for giggles. Her initiative is unaffected by this due to Patient Hunter.
 
Bphill561
   "I was kind of hoping for a spot of tea first, since the normal libations are against the rules."  

Shadowscale looks around the tavern trying to figure out why it seems to be the tavern itself that we are fighting.     "Did I ever tell you about the time I fought the dreaded Gazebo.  It was a horrible construct that turned people into stone, there were statues everywhere."    At least now the building knew he meant business.

 
 Spoiler: Perception Check 
Can see Ethereal Creatures.
 (1d20+49)[ 53 ] 
 
Llyarden
 "Hmm..."   Nova's faceplate slides down again, illuminating the surroundings in a harsh, white light - and illuminating (and heating) Aven for a moment as she looks up at him curiously as he changes size.   "It's hard to tell if you're all the right way up!"  she adds to the verbal sparring.

And whether it's the insults or just it had taken a few moments for the Ambrosia in the tavern's furnishings to awaken - but the tenseness is broken and the tavern leaps to the attack!

 
 Spoiler: OOC 
Okay, so,  here's the map .  Hopefully it's obvious who's who.

The black squares are the walls, which are effectively unbreakable.  The dark grey behind y'all are the doors to the tavern, which are closed and sealed by the Agency's tape and are also effectively unbreakable.  The pale brown is the bar and a raised stage for performers; crossing from floor to raised area or back counts as difficult terrain (although as a Huge biped Aven is probably fine.)  The more reddish-brown at the back are the doors to the kitchen, which are closed but  not  sealed off; there is stuff back there I just haven't drawn it on the map because y'all haven't seen it yet.

As for enemies...
- All the Cs are chairs.
- The Is are instruments - a harp, a flute, and a small set of drums (the Piano is of course also an instrument but it was big enough that I could actually write 'piano' on it.
- The Ls are chandeliers...because I already used C for chair.
- The Ss are bar stools.
Everything else actually has its name written on it.

(Oh and yes everything labelled on the map is hostile.  Including the statue.)

Please roll your initiative in the OOC thread; anyone who beats the enemies can act in any order they choose.  Then the enemies will act.  Then all PCs will act.  And so on and so forth.

Tavern Initiative:  (1d20+15)[ 33 ] 

Nova Initiative:  (1d20+6)[ 24 ] 
 
Ridai
   "We'll find you some proper victory tea,"    Bernaise assures Shadowscale.

With the tavern leaping into action, the nymph feels a little hyped! A city of gods! Where she is now the lowest of the low! Surely, she cannot expect her abilities to easily measure up right?

So she fixes the penguin statue dominating the center with a look brimming with excitement.   "Oh monument to smelly avians! Big and stinky usually meant strong-ish in my world! Please don't disappoint!"  

From one moment to the next, the nymph begins to move with entirely uncanny smoothness, all while her position seems to become uninterested to stay in one place or orientation (though most people present likely will still see her true position easily enough; city of gods, am I right?). She puts her free hand to her bow, and pulls back, a golden string beginning to appear, and with it kaleidoscopic arrows.

  "TAVERN FIGHT!"   And as she begins to fire, not putting in much effort into aiming for especially good spots, Bernaise looses a dozen arrows of refracted starlight at the penguin statue.

 
 Spoiler: Actions! 
Bernaise, true to her nature, does not go all-out yet, wanting to test the waters.

 Free  Cast  haste  via Swiftblade's  Sudden Casting .

 Full  Attack the statue with  Perfect Manyshot . Not using extra attack via  haste . Three arrows hit per successful attack. Attack ignores concealment, all cover except full, etherealness, get rerolls vs miss chances. Every arrow is also a targeted CL 25  dispel magic .
  Attack 1  - (1d20+60)[ 76 ]  - On hit:   Attack 1, Arrow 1 force damage  - (2d6+41)[ 50 ] ,   Attack 1, Arrow 2 force damage  - (2d6+41)[ 48 ] ,   Attack 1, Arrow 3 force damage  - (2d6+41)[ 47 ] .
Dispel checks:  (1d20+25)[ 43 ] ,  (1d20+25)[ 42 ] ,  (1d20+25)[ 31 ] 
  Attack 2  - (1d20+60)[ 66 ]  - On hit:   Attack 2, Arrow 1 force damage  - (2d6+41)[ 51 ] ,   Attack 2, Arrow 2 force damage  - (2d6+41)[ 47 ] ,   Attack 2, Arrow 3 force damage  - (2d6+41)[ 47 ] .
Dispel checks:  (1d20+25)[ 42 ] ,  (1d20+25)[ 33 ] ,  (1d20+25)[ 26 ] 
  Attack 3  - (1d20+50)[ 57 ]  - On hit:   Attack 3, Arrow 1 force damage  - (2d6+41)[ 45 ] ,   Attack 3, Arrow 2 force damage  - (2d6+41)[ 47 ] ,   Attack 3, Arrow 3 force damage  - (2d6+41)[ 48 ] .
Dispel checks:  (1d20+25)[ 45 ] ,  (1d20+25)[ 43 ] ,  (1d20+25)[ 44 ] 
  Attack 4  - (1d20+45)[ 51 ]  - On hit:   Attack 4, Arrow 1 force damage  - (2d6+41)[ 50 ] ,   Attack 4, Arrow 2 force damage  - (2d6+41)[ 52 ] ,   Attack 4, Arrow 3 force damage  - (2d6+41)[ 50 ] .
Dispel checks:  (1d20+25)[ 39 ] ,  (1d20+25)[ 33 ] ,  (1d20+25)[ 40 ] 

Active effects/buffs:  haste  (+1 AC/attack bonus, 50% concealment, targeted spells have 50% spell failure chance vs Bernaise)

 Off-turn:  Bernaise threatens every square within 220ft of her, has infinite AoOs per round.
AoOs done with +62 attack, 2d6+51 force damage. Ignore the same things as the full attack above.

Enemies threatened by Bernaise provoke AoOs by attempting to cast defensively ( Spellcasting Harrier ), take +4 DC to cast defensively, and provoke AoOs upon failing to cast defensively ( Disruptive, Spellbreaker ). Enemies entering or leaving her threatened area via teleportation provoke an AoO, even when casting defensively or using a supernatural ability ( Teleport Tactician ).

If a threatened enemy does a 5ft step or withdraw, it provokes an AoO that does no damage, but prevents the move action and the target doesn't move.
 
Llyarden
As the furniture of the tavern springs to life, the building is filled with kaiedoscopic light as Bernaise unleashes a hail of mystical arrows at the oncoming furniture.  The chandeliers, their forms wavering like a heat haze, escape the worst of the damage, but almost every other item of furniture ends up with an arrow of starlight embedded into it.

 "Pretty..."  Nova murmurs, tail wagging as she regards the multicoloured scene.

The statue, however, is made of sterner stuff, and most of Bernaise's arrows glance harmlessly off it - and those that do land true don't seem to particularly bother it all that much.  And then it opens its eyes, and the intoxicating energy of a thousand drunken stupors crashes down on the group - followed a moment later by a thunderclap as the statue claps its wings together, creating a blast of sonic energy that smashes into the furniture in its path without any apparent concern for its comrades

Then the furniture descends upon the new employees of the Agency, the chairs almost swarming over each other as they wildly strike at the group with their legs, while the bar stools march in perfect synchrony towards the group, each of them raising one leg, and outright fire their legs out of their own body like ballista bolts - the much bigger bar stool's leg crashing down like a caber.

Some of the chairs clamber onto the tables, which bounce up on two legs and launch their smaller brethren towards the group with extraordinary force - one of the tables apparently thinks better of being too close to the hirelings and takes a comparatively weak swipe at Aven before scuttling back.

The flames of the chandeliers burn brighter, almost blotting out the kaleidoscopic light of Bernaise's attacks, and they launch a hail of blazing bolts like meteors towards their opponents - six of them gather up together, energy swirling, and evidently decide that Aven and Nova, as the biggest, must be the most dangerous, because they launch bolts of energy towards the two larger hirelings that crackle with incredible force, a gravitational impulse that threatens to disintegrate whatever it touches lancing towards Aven and a strange, shimmering beam of mysterious power aiming at Nova.

The five casks of alcohol rip themselves off their shelves and start rolling towards the group, comparatively placidly compared to the frenetic action of the other items of furniture.  That doesn't stop Bernaise from hitting each of them with an arrow - one of them being completely pierced through by the shot - although as alcohol sprays out of the resulting holes, the casks seem to speed up a little, positioning themselves so the spraying alcohol flows over the statue, wreathing it in a bewildering mix of holy and unholy energy, while the largest of the bar stools, as it gets coated in alcohol as well, grows even larger still, large enough that even Aven in his enlarged size would have looked like a child sitting upon it.

 
 Spoiler: OOC 
Bernaise, who has apparently not yet learned the art of Just Roll Good, only hits the Statue with her first attack.

 Instruments 
Swift: Each of them begins a different Bardic Performance.  The Harp, Flute and Piano play various performances with a short radius that doesn't affect anyone yet, and the Drums (I3) play Inspire Courage.
Move + Standard: The Harp, Flute and Piano double move, provoking from Bernaise, who hits all of them.

 Statue 
Free: Open its eyes to subject all hostile targets within 60ft to its Drunken Gaze.  Everyone make a DC55 Fort save; on a success you are Sickened as long as you are in the radius, on a failure you are Nauseated for as long as you are in the radius.
Standard: Sonic Boom; a 60ft cone that hits all the PCs, Tables 11 &amp; 12, Chairs 58, 59, 60, 61, 62, 64, and Big Chair 8.  Reflex DC60 halves.  Chair 62 manages to succeed with a natural 20, the rest fail.
Sonic Damage:  (25d8)[ 136 ] 
End of Turn: Regenerate hp.

 Chandeliers 
 Move : Chandeliers 1, 3, 6 and 8 move, provoking from Bernaise
 Standard or Full-Round : Chandeliers 1/2/3 team up to attack Aven while Chandeliers 6/7/8 team up to attack Nova.  The other Chandeliers attack one target each, all +4 atk for Inspire Courage (+54 for 20d6+30 plus DC50 Persistented ??? vs Prismatic Spray), all provoking from Bernaise.  On all hits, the target is additionally affected by  prismatic spray , and on everything except the team-up attacks, you have to roll any saves twice and take the worse result.
 
 Spoiler: Vs Aven 
Chandelier 1/2/3 vs Aven:  (1d20+54)[ 61 ]  vs touch,  (1d20+25)[ 35 ]  Spell Penetration,  (20d8+10)[ 88 ]  damage (half fire, half epic magic bludgeoning),  (1d8)[ 3 ]  Prismatic Spray Effect
Chandelier 4 vs Aven:  (1d20+54)[ 67 ]  for  (20d6+30)[ 97 ]  (half fire, half magic epic bludgeoning) plus Persistent Prismatic Spray:  (1d8)[ 4 ] 
Chandelier 5 vs Aven:  (1d20+54)[ 59 ]  for  (20d6+30)[ 92 ]  (half fire, half magic epic bludgeoning) plus Persistent Prismatic Spray:  (1d8)[ 8 ] 
 

 
 Spoiler: Vs Shadowscale 
Chandelier 9 vs Shadowscale:  (1d20+54)[ 60 ]  for  (20d6+30)[ 111 ]  (half fire, half magic epic bludgeoning) plus Persistent Prismatic Spray:  (1d8)[ 4 ] 
 

 
 Spoiler: Vs Bernaise 
Chandelier 10 vs Bernaise:  (1d20+54)[ 58 ]  for  (20d6+30)[ 96 ]  (half fire, half magic epic bludgeoning) plus Persistent Prismatic Spray:  (1d8)[ 2 ] 
 

 
 Spoiler: Vs Nova 
Chandelier 6/7/8 Vs Nova:  (1d20+54)[ 73 ]  vs touch,  (1d20+25)[ 41 ]  Spell Penetration,  (20d8+10)[ 85 ]  untyped damage with a DC50 Will save to disbelieve (20% damage) and negate the rider effect.   (1d8)[ 2 ]  Prismatic Spray Effect
Chandelier 11 vs Nova:  (1d20+54)[ 56 ]  for  (20d6+30)[ 89 ]  (half fire, half magic epic bludgeoning) plus Persistent Prismatic Spray:  (1d8)[ 5 ] 
Chandelier 12 vs Nova:  (1d20+54)[ 71 ]  for  (20d6+30)[ 102 ]  (half fire, half magic epic bludgeoning) plus Persistent Prismatic Spray:  (1d8)[ 2 ] 
 


Bernaise hits Chandelier 1, 3 and 6 for their movement but misses Chandelier 8 due to miss chance.  When they attack she misses Chandelier 1, 3, 4, 6, 7, 11 and 12 due to miss chance, hits Chandeliers 5, 9 and 10, and crits Chandelier 8.

 Chairs 
Move: Into melee with the party, or as close as they can get, all provoking from Bernaise, except for one from each table (2 from the Long Tables) and for C59 who is already in melee.  The Big Chairs all provoke from Aven, as do a random 9 other chairs, and then he runs out of AoOs.  Big Chair 2 unintentionally tries to move into the Bark Tails' squares, which is an invalid end position, so it ends up one square back, but it does now know that something occupies that space.
Standard: Attack variously.  Damage is magic, epic, adamantine and bludgeoning.
 
 Spoiler: Attacks vs Aven 
Chair 23 vs Aven:  (1d20+59)[ 72 ]  for  (1d6+19)[ 21 ] 
Chair 24 vs Aven:  (1d20+59)[ 65 ]  for  (1d6+19)[ 25 ] 
Chair 25 vs Aven:  (1d20+59)[ 76 ]  for  (1d6+19)[ 24 ] 
Chair 27 vs Aven:  (1d20+59)[ 76 ]  for  (1d6+19)[ 25 ] 
Chair 28 vs Aven:  (1d20+59)[ 67 ]  for  (1d6+19)[ 23 ] 
Chair 49 vs Aven:  (1d20+59)[ 62 ]  for  (1d6+19)[ 24 ] 
Chair 53 vs Aven:  (1d20+59)[ 71 ]  for  (1d6+19)[ 24 ] 
Chair 58 vs Aven:  (1d20+59)[ 68 ]  for  (1d6+19)[ 23 ] 
Chair 59 vs Aven:  (1d20+59)[ 65 ]  for  (1d6+19)[ 21 ] 
Big Chair 3 vs Aven:  (1d20+54)[ 69 ]  for  (2d6+34)[ 38 ] 
Big Chair 5 vs Aven:  (1d20+54)[ 59 ]  for  (2d6+34)[ 38 ] 
Big Chair 8 vs Aven:  (1d20+54)[ 72 ]  for  (2d6+34)[ 38 ] 
 

 
 Spoiler: Attacks vs Nova 
Anything that touches Nova must make a DC37 Will save or be ignited and a DC46 Reflex save or be glued to her.
Chair 10 vs Nova:  (1d20+59)[ 69 ]  for  (1d6+19)[ 20 ] , Reflex  (1d20+35)[ 55 ] , Will  (1d20+33)[ 47 ] 
Chair 11 vs Nova:  (1d20+59)[ 73 ]  for  (1d6+19)[ 21 ] , Reflex  (1d20+35)[ 54 ] , Will  (1d20+33)[ 46 ] 
Chair 12 vs Nova:  (1d20+59)[ 60 ]  for  (1d6+19)[ 24 ] , Reflex  (1d20+35)[ 45 ] , Will  (1d20+33)[ 51 ] 
Chair 52 vs Nova:  (1d20+59)[ 62 ]  for  (1d6+19)[ 20 ] , Reflex  (1d20+35)[ 55 ] , Will  (1d20+33)[ 52 ] 
Chair 61 vs Nova:  (1d20+59)[ 73 ]  for  (1d6+19)[ 23 ] , Reflex  (1d20+35)[ 43 ] , Will  (1d20+33)[ 40 ] 
Chair 63 vs Nova:  (1d20+59)[ 78 ]  for  (1d6+19)[ 23 ] , Reflex  (1d20+35)[ 37 ] , Will  (1d20+33)[ 53 ] 
 

 
 Spoiler: Attacks vs Shadowscale 
Chair 14 vs Shadowscale:  (1d20+59)[ 60 ]  for  (1d6+19)[ 21 ] 
Chair 22 vs Shadowscale:  (1d20+59)[ 62 ]  for  (1d6+19)[ 22 ] 
 

 
 Spoiler: Attacks vs Bernaise 
Chair 9 vs Bernaise:  (1d20+59)[ 62 ]  for  (1d6+19)[ 23 ] 
Chair 13 vs Bernaise:  (1d20+59)[ 67 ]  for  (1d6+19)[ 23 ] 
 

Big Chair 2 Vs Bark Tail:  (1d20+54)[ 68 ]  for  (2d6+34)[ 39 ] , 1-50 misses:  (1d100)[ 38 ] 

Bernaise hits all of them and crits C2, C8, C37 and C40.  C60 and C64 take no damage because they were only 5ft-stepping, but their 5ft-steps are cancelled.

Aven hits C22, C25, C28, C32, C49 and C53 plus all the Big Chairs, and crits C23, C24 and C27.

 Stools 
Move: Forwards (provoking from Bernaise).
Standard: Each of the small stools will launch one of their legs at one of the visible PCs, at +4 atk/dmg from Inspire Courage, provoking a second time from Bernaise.  The Big Stool fires its leg as a 20ft line that hits all the visible PCs. DC50 Reflex halves.  Damage is epic, magic, adamantine and piercing in all cases.
S1 vs Aven:  (1d20+61)[ 72 ]  for  (2d6+24)[ 32 ] 
S2 vs Shadowscale:  (1d20+61)[ 73 ]  for  (2d6+24)[ 28 ] 
S3 vs Bernaise:  (1d20+61)[ 70 ]  for  (2d6+24)[ 29 ] 
S4 vs Nova:  (1d20+61)[ 70 ]  for  (2d6+24)[ 27 ] 

Big Stool Damage:  (4d6+40)[ 54 ] 

Bernaise hits all of these AoOs.

Table 11 punches at Aven and then moves away, provoking from Bernaise.  Table 12 just moves away, provoking from Bernaise.  Bernaise hits both of them.
Table 11 vs Aven (+4 for Inspire Courage):  (1d20+54)[ 56 ]  for  (1d6+19)[ 23 ] .  Damage is magic and bludgeoning.

The other Tables launch their remaining chairs at the PCs (+64 for 3d6+49).  This does not provoke.  The Long Tables take -2 for firing two chairs, and each of them will launch a chair wildly into the squares that the Bark Tails occupy.  The Chairs take the same damage they deal; on a miss, they take half damage and end Prone.  Damage is epic, magic, bludgeoning and adamantine.
 
 Spoiler: Attacks vs Aven 
Big Table (Big Chair 4) vs Aven:  (1d20+64)[ 84 ]  for  (5d6+64)[ 76 ] 
 

 
 Spoiler: Attacks vs Shadowscale 
Table 1 (C17) vs Shadowscale:  (1d20+64)[ 79 ]  for  (3d6+49)[ 63 ] 
Table 3 (C26) vs Shadowscale:  (1d20+64)[ 68 ]  for  (3d6+49)[ 60 ] 
Table 4 (C31) vs Shadowscale:  (1d20+64)[ 70 ]  for  (3d6+49)[ 58 ] 
Long Table 1 (C1) vs Shadowscale:  (1d20+62)[ 67 ]  for  (3d6+49)[ 62 ] 
 

 
 Spoiler: Attacks vs Bernaise 
Table 2 (C21) vs Bernaise:  (1d20+64)[ 67 ]  for  (3d6+49)[ 56 ] 
Table 5 (C34) vs Bernaise:  (1d20+64)[ 83 ]  for  (3d6+49)[ 55 ] 
Table 6 (C38) vs Bernaise:  (1d20+64)[ 69 ]  for  (3d6+49)[ 52 ] 
Long Table 2 (C15) vs Bernaise:  (1d20+62)[ 67 ]  for  (3d6+49)[ 60 ] 
 

 
 Spoiler: Attacks vs Nova 
Table 7 (C42) vs Nova:  (1d20+64)[ 73 ]  for  (3d6+49)[ 61 ] 
Table 8 (C46) vs Nova:  (1d20+64)[ 81 ]  for  (3d6+49)[ 53 ] 
Table 9 (C50) vs Nova:  (1d20+64)[ 81 ]  for  (3d6+49)[ 57 ] 
Table 10 (C54) vs Nova:  (1d20+64)[ 71 ]  for  (3d6+49)[ 63 ] 
 

 
 Spoiler: Attacks vs Bark Tail 
Long Table 1 (C5) vs Bark Tail:  (1d20+62)[ 70 ]  for  (3d6+49)[ 61 ] , 1-50 misses:  (1d100)[ 39 ] 
Long Table 2 (C16) vs Bark Tail:  (1d20+62)[ 79 ]  for  (3d6+49)[ 62 ] , 1-50 misses:  (1d100)[ 47 ] 
 


The Casks start trundling their way towards the PCs, provoking from Bernaise, who hits all of them and would crit Cask 1, but it doesn't take extra damage from crits.  As a free action once they've moved, Casks 2, 3 and 4 spray alcohol from the holes Bernaise put in them, which has a variety of effects - 2 and 3 target the Statue, 4 targets the Big Stool.
 
Ridai
Bernaise watches most of her arrows have no effect against the statue, and those that do appearing to have hardly any effect.

Most furniture does not disintegrate from having been shot by the nymph.

And after absentmindedly stepping through the sound wave (and avoiding the statue's gaze by simply failing to pay attention to it, distracted by the mayhem unfolding), she is nailed in the head (with a resounding bonk) by a chair with enough force to take an ogre's head clean off and nail the mush it would be turned into to a distant tree.

Best. Day. Since she came here.

Laughing with such pure joy, almost incidentally loosing an arrow to intercept the chandelier attack aimed at Nova, Bernaise beams at her colleagues with the biggest of blissful smiles.   "Hahaha! What a day! What a lovely day!"   And as she speaks, a much greater barrage of arrows than before is shot at the statue.

Everything worked out better than expected.

Everything's coming up Bernaise!

 
 Spoiler: Actions 
 Immediate  Use  Interceptor  to try and prevent the team attack by the chandeliers at Nova. She makes an opposed check against the chandeliers' attack check with a full BAB attack check of her own. If she succeeds, the attack is entirely prevented. Can be used against magical attacks via the  Advanced Marksman Technique  version of  Interceptor .
  Attack check  - (1d20+62)[ 72 ]   Failed 
 Full Attack  Attack the statue with  Perfect Manyshot  and the extra attack via  haste . Three arrows hit per successful attack. Attack ignores concealment, all cover except full, etherealness. Every arrow is also a targeted CL 25 dispel magic. Every arrow does force damage. Bernaise's attacks do not provoke AoOs. Crit profile 19-20/x4, auto-confirm.
  Attack 1  - (1d20+60)[ 71 ] , Arrows (CL checks):  (2d6+41)[ 49 ]  ( (1d20+25)[ 32 ] ),  (2d6+41)[ 44 ]  ( (1d20+25)[ 37 ] ),  (2d6+41)[ 45 ]  ( (1d20+25)[ 36 ] )
  Attack 1  - (1d20+60)[ 68 ] , Arrows (CL checks):  (2d6+41)[ 47 ]  ( (1d20+25)[ 45 ] ),  (2d6+41)[ 49 ]  ( (1d20+25)[ 45 ] ),  (2d6+41)[ 52 ]  ( (1d20+25)[ 37 ] )
  Attack 1  - (1d20+60)[ 79 ] , Arrows (CL checks):  (2d6+41)[ 52 ]  ( (1d20+25)[ 28 ] ),  (2d6+41)[ 48 ]  ( (1d20+25)[ 32 ] ),  (2d6+41)[ 44 ]  ( (1d20+25)[ 31 ] )  Crit if target is not immune 
  Attack 1  - (1d20+50)[ 61 ] , Arrows (CL checks):  (2d6+41)[ 50 ]  ( (1d20+25)[ 34 ] ),  (2d6+41)[ 46 ]  ( (1d20+25)[ 41 ] ),  (2d6+41)[ 52 ]  ( (1d20+25)[ 45 ] )
  Attack 1  - (1d20+45)[ 50 ] , Arrows (CL checks):  (2d6+41)[ 46 ]  ( (1d20+25)[ 37 ] ),  (2d6+41)[ 46 ]  ( (1d20+25)[ 41 ] ),  (2d6+41)[ 44 ]  ( (1d20+25)[ 40 ] )

Active effects/buffs:  haste  (+1 AC/attack bonus, 50% concealment, targeted spells have 50% spell failure chance vs Bernaise)

 Off-turn:  Bernaise threatens every square within 220ft of her, has infinite AoOs per round.
AoOs done with +62 attack, 2d6+51 force damage. Ignore the same things as the full attack above.

Enemies threatened by Bernaise provoke AoOs by attempting to cast defensively ( Spellcasting Harrier ), take +4 DC to cast defensively, and provoke AoOs upon failing to cast defensively ( Disruptive, Spellbreaker ). Enemies entering or leaving her threatened area via teleportation provoke an AoO, even when casting defensively or using a supernatural ability ( Teleport Tactician ).

If a threatened enemy does a 5ft step or withdraw, it provokes an AoO that does no damage, but prevents the move action and the target doesn't move.
 
ICN
Aven stands confidently under the barrage of attacks, not bothering to dodge and only getting more amped up with each one. By the end, he's clearly seriously wounded and laughing uproariously.   This is fantastic.   Back home, it'd been so rare for him to find a fight that could really push him to his limit. Here in the city, it often seemed to be the opposite, where he was so far outclassed that he had trouble even parsing what had happened when he woke up later. But this, this was perfect. He'd already been forced to dip into his reserves after the opening salvos, but he was, just barely, still standing. A proper challenge at last.

With a surge of magical energy from one of his spirits, Aven's wounds completely disappear. He roars   "BRING IT ON!"   and explodes into action. In a blur, he charges through the crowd, bowling them over and ending up next to one of the casks and grabbing it.

The cask Aven targets slips through his grasp. Reluctant to waste perfectly good booze by smashing it, he instead targets the big stool next.

 
 Spoiler: Mechanics 
Aven gains 13 tension at the start of combat, and takes 637 damage all told, after DR and resistances. In particular, he heals from fire damage up to 42 points, increased to 54 points of healing after the purring aura, so the chandeliers mostly do nothing. Half of that is converted to nonlethal by Go Limp, so he's got 319 of lethal and nonlethal, which are healed simultaneously. He sticks 84 damage in his delayed damage pool to avoid going unconscious.

At the beginning of the turn, he heals 58 damage, then spends a spirit as a swift action to heal another 312. With the nonlethal effective doubling, he's back to full health. As a free action, he'll set one spirit to follow each member of the party, in case they need help later.

As a free action, he'll spend a spell point to gain three combat talents with Mystic Adaptation. And Stay Down to make creatures provoke for falling prone, Stampede so that creatures can't choose to avoid overrun maneuvers, and Underfoot Trample to make Overruns deal damage with the Hammer talent. He'll spend 3 tension to gain a +3 bonus to attack and damage rolls. Aven will expend his drunk status gained from pre-fight drinking to activate Reeling Steps, so any movement made doesn't provoke AoOs.

And now for the big flashy move. Aven will activate the Strength Runesinger movement rune from his Runic Vambraces, which can only be done once per minute. This allows him to move up to his speed, overrunning everything in his path as a free action. He counts as colossal for what he can overrun. Overrunning a target provokes AoOs from everyone besides Aven, and if it beats their CMD by 5 or more knocks them prone, which provokes from Aven, deals Hammer damage, and allows him to attempt a grapple as an AoO. He can force a grappled target into any space in his reach (35' when huge, though he only threatens 15' of it), and release it as a free action, which he'll use to clear an exit route for the rest of the party and move a few enemies that would otherwise be in his space at the end of the movement.

With his 260' fly speed, Aven can step on everybody in the cluster around the party, except for the big table and C13, 14, 9, and 10. He'll move C63, 12, 16, and big chair 6 to the other side of long table 2, to open a route for the party, then charge north to overrun I1, 2, the big stool, and casks 4 and 5, ending at square AB 25, moving anything that would overlap his space. Unlike the other grapples, he hangs onto cask 4 instead of releasing it.

Using a barfighter striker art, he'll spend 2 tension to attempt a grapple check to pin cask 4 as a free action, then use a swift action to use the Living Weapon slam talent to wield it as a weapon. If possible, he'll drink from the cask using  Hard Drinker  (free action due to barfighter striker capstone), otherwise he'll grab a drink from his person and chug that.

He'll use the cask to make an attack action against the big stool, rippling blow allows a dirty trick that he'll use martial focus on, follow-through gets a free reposition,  Spell Sunder  gets a sunder check if there are any spell effects on it, and improved atavism gives a free intimidate check, which doesn't bypass immunity or anything like that. At that point, he'll drop prone (taking no penalties), and with his off hand attack he'll try to trip S4, standing up and regaining martial focus if he succeeds.

I'll then consider what drove me to make a character that could take such a complicated turn in the first place.
 
 Spoiler: Various Rolls 
Group Overrun roll (targets gain +2 to CMD per leg above 2):  (1d20+104)[ 111 ] 
Hammer damage: 2d6, +2d6 for every 5 the CMD is beaten by for medium creatures, 2d8 for large sized, 3d6 for everything else.
Group Grapple roll:  (1d20+79)[ 83 ] 
Group AoO roll (Aven has infinite AoOs):  (1d20+61)[ 77 ] 
Group AoO damage:  (6d8+32)[ 57 ] 

Pin check vs. Cask 4 (rolls twice because of striker art):  (1d20+79)[ 89 ]   (1d20+79)[ 99 ] 
[S]
Attack roll vs. Big Stool:   (1d20+60)[ 68 ]   73
Damage roll:   (8d8+38)[ 76 ]   51
Reposition on Big Stool, Aven and stool take hammer damage on success: (1d20+104)[ 124 ] 
Dirty trick vs. Big Stool (Dazes on success):  (1d20+79)[ 98 ] 
Intimidate vs. Big Stool:  (1d20+61)[ 68 ] 
Spell Sunder vs. Big Stool CMD +5:  (1d20+80)[ 93 ] 

Trip check vs. S4:  (1d20+85)[ 101 ] 
Trip AoO if trip succeeds:  (1d20+61)[ 65 ] 
Damage:  (6d8+32)[ 69 ] 

Aven will use his boring old fists for AoOs it turns out, +61 attack bonus, 6d8+32 damage, +6 enhancement bonus.
 

 
AlexanderML
Both of the Bark Tails were not pleased with having so many bits of furniture charge at the group so quickly, the idea of living furniture spooked them even as the minds beneath them were almost giggling with joy. Able to dodge the wild blows thrown at them as blurs of speed the pair suddenly leap to opposite corners of the room.

The time duplicate Bark Tails hanging off the wall looks towards the statue with worry, hissing at the thing as he throws with his tail three javelins of wood that explode into a torrent of acid that could consume a dragon in seconds. Not likely to be as effective against something made in the City, but he was there more to be a distraction.

The original takes a moment to breath in a deep breath into the dark depths of his body, letting a great deal of mana in his body bubble and roil madly as he carefully modified the effect to avoid harming his allies before unleashing it with an explosive sound can only be compared to volcano eruptions. A black wave of heated smoke and a hail of glowing red rocks smother the room. While normally this would set even stone ablaze Bark Tail and the mind beneath had little hope that this would set any foe in the City on fire.

 
 Spoiler: Mechanics 
The duplicate Bark Tail is flying to AL 42 using his bonus move action.

Then with his swift, move, and standard actions cast three destruction blasts. The all are acid blasts that with Imbue With Nature ignores spell resistance and with Penetrating Blast ignores 60 Acid resistance (and treats immunity to acid as 40 resistance, so effectively bypasses it). All of these are maximized.

To Hit Rolls (touch attacks):
 (1d20+62)[ 73 ] 
 (1d20+62)[ 72 ] 
 (1d20+62)[ 73 ] 

Damage:
180 per hit, with each hit the Statue also takes an additional 30 points of acid damage the following round.

The original Bark Tail moves over to G14 with his bonus move action and casts the spellcrafted spell  Volcano Breath  using his swift action. This unleashes a 400ft cone that deals 120 points of fire and 120 points of slashing/piercing/bludgeoning damage to everyone that's not one of the party in the room (DC 55 reflex save for half). This effect also has Imbued with Nature and Penetrating Blast to ignore spell resistance and likely have the fire damage take full effect. The S/P/B damage does not count as magical.

Furthermore within 4000ft of Bark Tail when he casts the spell everything (besides the party) have to make a DC 55 reflex save or light on fire and take 54 points of fire damage (that does not gain the benefits of IwN or PB I believe).

Bark Tail finishes his turn by making a new stealth check with all the benefits had before with his standard action then moving to V14.

Stealth
[roll] 1d20+76[/roll]

 
Bphill561
Shadowscale looks around quite disappointed that the furniture is not being very respectful.  Not only that, but his companions seem quite pleased with the situation.  He quickly fills in his wounds with shadow glossamer and stretches out his wing sending out a wave of force.

 
 Spoiler: Spoiler: Mechanics 

Swift Action-Casting a Quickened Shadow Heal Spell (Cantrip):
Concentration check [roll]1d20+42+20[/roll] vs DC 35
Heal 420 points of damage as the spell effect is uncapped.
Damage taken was 185 from 4 attacks that hit.

Standard Action-Casting a Shadow Wings of Flurry (Cantrip):
Concentration check [roll]1d20+42+20[/roll] vs DC 35
Damage 387 Force damage to all selected targets in range, Reflex DC 56 for half damage.  Failing save also causes Daze for 1 Round
Overcomes Damage and Spell Resistance
30 ft radius from me, but the area is doubled.  Not sure if that is 60 ft or real math with a radius of 42 feet.

Edit:
Rolls broke for some reason, see if this works
[roll]1d20+62[/roll]
[roll]1d20+62[/roll]
 
Llyarden
Nova giggles as the statue's drunken gaze falls on her.   "Wow..."  she murmurs, swaying in place (which looks very strange on a massive snake).   "I've never been drunk before!" 

The hail of attacks from the chairs seem to have little to no effect as the snake-woman sways and seems to dodge some of the attacks more by accident than anything else.  One of the chairs smacks into her and then...just kinda doesn't drop back to the ground, as though being close to her exerts a stronger gravitational force than the real gravity - at least until Aven bulldozes past.

With a faint click and hiss, a half-dozen small whirling drones detach from her back and swoop across the tavern, thrumming with energy - and then they unleash radiant beams of blazing energy that coat almost the entire tavern in light for a few moments.  As the light fades, it becomes apparent that her armour is reconfiguring itself, producing a cannon that fires a massive ball of fire and light towards the statue - which detonates perilously close to Aven.

 "Ooh, Aven, Aven!"  she beams.   "Can I hit the statue with you soon?  Pleeeeease?!" 
 
 Spoiler: OOC 
Nova launches some drones and uses them to fire a bunch of lasers that target everything except the Big Stool and some of the stuff that is probably dead from Shadowscale.
For convenience, rolling the attacks off-line because there's a silly number of them.  1-50 means she expends the 'scroll':  (1d100)[ 80 ] 
Then she fires at the Statue:  (1d20+57)[ 74 ]  vs touch.
  Damage  - (65d6+80)[ 321 ] , which hits everything in an area around the targeted portion of the Statue.  This includes Aven, but as long as she doesn't miss she excludes him from the attack.

And I...somehow discovered a new function of GitP's dice roller I didn't know about.  Huh.

Anyway then she Challenges basically everything in the room.
 
Llyarden
Bernaise's hail of arrows once again strike true, dealing a slightly more significant amount of damage to the giant statue - although far more significant damage comes from the duplicate Bark Tail's hail of acid, which dissolves a good couple of layers of black paint off the back of the statue.

Aven charges through the angry furniture like a metaphorical bull in a china shop, smashing his way through the army of chairs - although, slick with the alcohol pouring from the holes in it, the cask he'd made a grab for manages to evade his grip, thudding back to the floor with force that would've caused an earthquake anywhere but the City.

And then in a blaze of shadow, fire and light, Nova, Shadowscale and Bark Tail wipe out the horde of chairs - or rather, wipe out whatever animating force had affected them, and the ravening horde of furniture becomes nothing more than a pile of furniture rather untidily strewn around the floor - it's perhaps noticeable that despite the massive blasts they suffered, none of the furniture seems to have taken any actual  damage ; clearly the items themselves are made of far sterner stuff than the force that had animated them.

The remaining still-animate furniture clearly take offence to their chair brethren being wiped out, though, because they begin to rampage.

The instruments, still playing a harmony that would shatter the minds of lesser creatures, try to fight their way through Nova's gravity field to strike at Aven, while the statue - perhaps believing that Aven was the source of the acid that had stripped its paint from it - lets out a deafening roar and brings both of its flippers down on the warrior with enough force to potentially slam him to the ground.

And apparently the casks of alcohol take a hint from it.  The blazing fire has ignited the alcohol contained within, but it doesn't particularly seem to be bothering most of them (although two of the casks themselves are also on fire and...well, they can't exactly drop and they don't stop, but they at least attempt to  roll  the fire out), and they charge at Aven, trying to basically just flatten him like steamrollers, burning alcohol like lava dripping wherever they go.

Meanwhile, the burning tables try to extinguish themselves, while two of the non-burning tables try to smack Nova's drones back at her like they're uppity flies, and one of them near the corner of the room clambers on top of one of the longer tables, which creaks with the effort but manages to launch the table towards Nova.

And then, in a clatter and crash, a whirling mass of plates, bowls and cutlery comes hurtling out of the door next to Bark Tail.

 
 Spoiler: OOC 
 
 Spoiler: PC Resolution 
Bernaise hits the Statue with 2 attacks, but it is indeed immune to crits.

Aven overruns everything.  The casks and the flute can't be knocked prone, but he successfully grapples the chairs, big chairs, stools, tables, and the harp, and successfully hits the chairs, big chairs, stools, tables and harp.  The Big Stool is not grappled or hit by the AoO.
Aven then successfully hits, repositions, dazes and intimidates the Big Stool, and Spell Sunders it causing it to return to Large size.
And finally he successfully trips and hits Stool 4.

Bark Tail 2 hits the Statue with all three blasts.

Bark Tail 1 finishes off most of the Chairs and Stools, takes out a chandelier, and lights the world on fire.

Shadowscale wipes out the remaining chairs, the two nearby tables, and the two nearby chandeliers, and dazes the Big Table.

Nova takes out a bunch more chandeliers with the lasers and two tables and two chandeliers with the rocket.
 


The grey areas on the map are the now-inanimate furniture.  They count as difficult terrain (even for massive creatures like Aven and Nova, although admittedly Nova can fly so it doesn't really apply to her.)

 Instruments 
Harp, Drums and Piano all take fire damage.
The Harp will try to smack Aven because he's already next to it, taking 20 damage from Nova's Punishing Challenge.  The Piano moves closer (provoking from Bernaise) and hits Aven with its bardic performance (which is neither an attack roll nor a spell, so Punishing Challenge doesn't apply).  The Flute and Drums will attempt to close with Aven but have to make Will saves against Nova's Inescapable Challenge to do so.  If they succeed they provoke from Bernaise and will then try to hit Aven, taking 20 damage from Punishing Challenge.
Harp (+4 atk/dam for Inspire Courage, -7 atk for Challenge):  (1d20+47)[ 52 ]  to hit for  (1d6+19)[ 20 ]  damage.
Flute (+4 atk/dam for Inspire Courage, -7 atk for Challenge): Will DC44  (1d20+40)[ 44 ] ;  (1d20+47)[ 48 ]  to hit for  (1d6+19)[ 20 ]  damage.
Drums (+4 atk/dam for Inspire Courage, -7 atk for Challenge): Will DC44  (1d20+40)[ 53 ] ;  (1d20+47)[ 61 ]  to hit for  (1d6+19)[ 21 ]  damage.
Piano:  (20d6+20)[ 95 ]  sonic damage, halved on a DC55 Fort save.
 
 Spoiler: Bernaise's attacks 
Harp:  (1d20+62)[ 72 ]  for  (2d6+51)[ 55 ] 
Drums:  (1d20+62)[ 76 ]  for  (2d6+51)[ 57 ] 
Piano:  (1d20+62)[ 76 ]  for  (2d6+51)[ 55 ] 
 

During Aven's turn, he will need to save against the two Bardic Performances again, although the DCs are now only 48 due to Nova's Challenge.

 Statue 
Punches Aven a couple times, taking 20 damage each time from Punishing Challenge.  If both hit it has a Rend attack.
Atk 1 (+4 atk/dam for Inspire Courage, -7 atk for Challenge):  (1d20+67)[ 75 ]  to hit for  (10d6+79)[ 121 ]  damage (bludgeoning, magic, adamantine, epic) plus  (1d20+77)[ 86 ]  vs CMD to trip on a hit.
Atk 2 (+4 atk/dam for Inspire Courage, -7 atk for Challenge): (1d20+67)[ 75 ]  to hit for  (10d6+79)[ 120 ]  damage (bludgeoning, magic, adamantine, epic) plus  (1d20+77)[ 87 ]  vs CMD to trip.
 (10d6+75)[ 105 ]  rend damage (bludgeoning, magic, adamantine, epic).

 Chandeliers 
Chandelier 11 burns, but heals from fire damage.
Since they don't really want to take any more damage, Chandeliers 1 and 7 will fire at Nova once again.  Chandelier 11 will fire at Aven and take 20 damage for doing so.
 
 Spoiler: Vs Nova 
Chandelier 1 (+4 atk/dam for Inspire Courage, +2 atk for Challenge):  (1d20+56)[ 76 ]  to hit,  (20d6+30)[ 94 ]  (half fire, half magic epic bludgeoning) plus Persistent Prismatic Spray (DC50):  (1d8)[ 4 ] 
Chandelier 7 (+4 atk/dam for Inspire Courage, +2 atk for Challenge):  (1d20+56)[ 74 ]  to hit,  (20d6+30)[ 98 ]  (half fire, half magic epic bludgeoning) plus Persistent Prismatic Spray (DC50):  (1d8)[ 4 ] 
 

 
 Spoiler: Vs Aven 
Chandelier 1 (+4 atk/dam for Inspire Courage, -7 atk for Challenge):  (1d20+47)[ 66 ]  to hit,  (20d6+30)[ 104 ]  (half fire, half magic epic bludgeoning) plus Persistent Prismatic Spray (DC43 after Cold Iron Call):  (1d8)[ 8 ]   Green (poison) and Violet (planeshift) 
 

 Big Stool 
Dazed, and burns to death.

 Tables 
Big Table is Dazed and burns to death.  Tables 1, 3, 7 and 10, and Long Table 2, burn and then try to put themselves out.
 
 Spoiler: Reflex Saves (DC55?) 
Table 1:  (1d20+45)[ 55 ] 
Table 3:  (1d20+45)[ 52 ] 
Table 7:  (1d20+45)[ 46 ] 
Table 10:  (1d20+45)[ 47 ] 
Long Table 2:  (1d20+43)[ 44 ] 
 

Tables 2 and 8 try to hurl Nova's Drones at her, requiring first a CMB check (which does still apply Punishing Challenge) and then an attack roll.
 
 Spoiler: Attacks 
Table 2 CMB (+4 for Inspire Courage, -7 for Challenge):  (1d20+37)[ 38 ] , Attack (+4 for Inspire Courage, +2 for Challenge):  (1d20+66)[ 85 ] , Damage (+4 for Inspire Courage):  (2d6+40)[ 44 ] 
Table 8 CMB (+4 for Inspire Courage, -7 for Challenge):  (1d20+37)[ 55 ] , Attack (+4 for Inspire Courage, +2 for Challenge):  (1d20+66)[ 84 ] , Damage (+4 for Inspire Courage):  (2d6+40)[ 44 ] 
 

Table 9 tries to move adjacent to Aven (provoking from Bernaise if it succeeds) and then tries to punch him if it succeeds.
 
 Spoiler: Rolls 
Will (DC44):  (1d20+40)[ 53 ] 
Bernaise AoO:  (1d20+62)[ 63 ] ,  (2d6+51)[ 58 ] 
Table Attack (+4 atk/dmg from Inspire Courage, -7 atk for Challenge):  (1d20+47)[ 52 ]  to hit for  (1d6+19)[ 24 ]  damage.
 

Table 6 tries to punch Aven, taking 20 damage from Punishing Challenge: Attack (+4 atk/dmg from Inspire Courage, -7 atk for Challenge):  (1d20+47)[ 56 ]  to hit for  (1d6+19)[ 24 ]  damage.
Long Table 1 moves down (provoking from Bernaise) and hurls Table 1 at Nova.
 
 Spoiler: Rolls 
Bernaise AoO:  (1d20+62)[ 73 ]  for  (2d6+51)[ 57 ] 
Table Attack (-5 circumstance, +4 for Inspire Courage, +2 for Challenge):  (1d20+61)[ 62 ] , Damage (+4 for Inspire Courage):  (5d6+64)[ 88 ] 
 

 Casks 
Since all the Casks took sufficient fire damage in their last round, they Ignite.
Cask 1 and Cask 5 burn and use their actions to try to put themselves out, but still use their free actions to spray alcohol - Cask 1 targets Aven twice (which only deals fire damage as he isn't subject to the spell within the alcohol), Cask 5 unleashes a cone that hits Aven and the Statue twice, so he needs to make 2 DC60 Will saves; if he fails he's Stunned one round and Staggered 19 rounds; if he succeeds both he's just Staggered 1 round.  He also needs to make 2 DC60 Reflex saves to halve the fire damage from the burning alcohol.
 
 Spoiler: Rolls 
Cask 1 touch attack vs Aven #1 (+4 for Inspire Courage, -7 for Challenge):  (1d20+47)[ 51 ]  for  (10d6)[ 26 ]  fire damage.
Cask 1 touch attack vs Aven #2 (+4 for Inspire Courage, -7 for Challenge):  (1d20+47)[ 53 ]  for  (10d6)[ 39 ]  fire damage.
Cask 5 Fire Damage #1:  (10d6)[ 29 ] 
Cask 5 Fire Damage #2:  (10d6)[ 37 ] 
Statue is immune to emotion effects, but still needs to roll the Reflex saves...
Statue Reflex 1:  (1d20+45)[ 48 ] 
Statue Reflex 2:  (1d20+45)[ 48 ] 

Cask 1 Reflex to extinguish:  (1d20+45)[ 48 ] 
Cask 5 Reflex to extinguish:  (1d20+45)[ 46 ] 
 

Casks 2, 3 and 4 attempt to Overrun Aven (they count as Colossal).  If the Overrun succeeds he also takes fire damage, and if he falls prone they get AoOs against him.  They do not provoke for moving while attempting to overrun, but they do take Punishing Challenge damage.
 
 Spoiler: Rolls 
Cask 2 CMB (+4 for Inspire Courage, -7 for Challenge):  (1d20+67)[ 87 ] ; Fire damage on a success:  (10d6)[ 38 ] ; AoO if Aven is knocked prone (+4 for Inspire Courage, -7 for Challenge):  (1d20+62)[ 77 ]  to hit for  (8d6+20)[ 44 ]  damage.  Natural 20 on the CMB for an effective 92. 

Cask 3 CMB (+4 for Inspire Courage, -7 for Challenge):  (1d20+67)[ 72 ] ; Fire damage on a success:  (10d6)[ 41 ] ; AoO if Aven is knocked prone (+4 for Inspire Courage, -7 for Challenge):  (1d20+62)[ 77 ]  to hit for  (8d6+20)[ 60 ]  damage.

Cask 4 CMB (+4 for Inspire Courage, -7 for Challenge):  (1d20+67)[ 81 ] ; Fire damage on a success:  (10d6)[ 32 ] ; AoO if Aven is knocked prone (+4 for Inspire Courage, -7 for Challenge):  (1d20+62)[ 72 ]  to hit for  (8d6+20)[ 43 ]  damage.
 

Cask 4 will use a free action to spray alcohol on the Statue, dealing some fire damage to it:  (10d6)[ 29 ] 
 Cutlery Swarms &amp; Crockery Swarm 
They arrive, provoking from Bernaise, but as swarms of Diminutive creatures the Cutlery Swarms are immune to weapon damage.
Bernaise AoO vs Crockery Swarm:  (1d20+62)[ 78 ] ; Damage (halved due to swarm):  (2d6+51)[ 56 ] 
 
Ridai
The air is filled with kaleidoscopic light at all times, Bernaise firing faster than even makes sense without looking hurried at all, making even less sense. She is just having a grand time, with Nova adding yet more light and spectacle. She is feeling a bit lightheaded, but that only further encourages her to counteract this fever, as the only cure is clearly more arrows!

 
 Spoiler: Actions 
 Full Attack  Attack the statue with  Perfect Manyshot ,  Rapid Shot  and the extra attack via  haste . Three arrows hit per successful attack. Attack ignores concealment, all cover except full, etherealness. Every arrow is also a targeted CL 25 dispel magic. Every arrow does force damage. Bernaise's attacks do not provoke AoOs. Crit profile 19-20/x4, auto-confirm.
  Attack 1  - (1d20+56)[ 73 ] , Arrows (CL checks):  (2d6+41)[ 47 ]  ( (1d20+25)[ 43 ] ),  (2d6+41)[ 50 ]  ( (1d20+25)[ 32 ] ),  (2d6+41)[ 52 ]  ( (1d20+25)[ 27 ] )
  Attack 2  - (1d20+56)[ 61 ] , Arrows (CL checks):  (2d6+41)[ 48 ]  ( (1d20+25)[ 32 ] ),  (2d6+41)[ 49 ]  ( (1d20+25)[ 35 ] ),  (2d6+41)[ 51 ]  ( (1d20+25)[ 33 ] )
  Attack 3  - (1d20+56)[ 59 ] , Arrows (CL checks):  (2d6+41)[ 44 ]  ( (1d20+25)[ 37 ] ),  (2d6+41)[ 49 ]  ( (1d20+25)[ 44 ] ),  (2d6+41)[ 44 ]  ( (1d20+25)[ 28 ] )
  Attack 4  - (1d20+56)[ 69 ] , Arrows (CL checks):  (2d6+41)[ 49 ]  ( (1d20+25)[ 32 ] ),  (2d6+41)[ 52 ]  ( (1d20+25)[ 45 ] ),  (2d6+41)[ 48 ]  ( (1d20+25)[ 39 ] )
  Attack 5  - (1d20+46)[ 51 ] , Arrows (CL checks):  (2d6+41)[ 43 ]  ( (1d20+25)[ 43 ] ),  (2d6+41)[ 45 ]  ( (1d20+25)[ 29 ] ),  (2d6+41)[ 53 ]  ( (1d20+25)[ 40 ] )
  Attack 6  - (1d20+41)[ 47 ] , Arrows (CL checks):  (2d6+41)[ 48 ]  ( (1d20+25)[ 31 ] ),  (2d6+41)[ 51 ]  ( (1d20+25)[ 36 ] ),  (2d6+41)[ 46 ]  ( (1d20+25)[ 38 ] )

Active effects/buffs:  haste  (+1 AC/attack bonus, 50% concealment, targeted spells have 50% spell failure chance vs Bernaise), sickened from statue's Drunken Gaze

 Off-turn:  Bernaise threatens every square within 220ft of her, has infinite AoOs per round.
AoOs done with +60 attack, 2d6+51 force damage. Ignore the same things as the full attack above.

Enemies threatened by Bernaise provoke AoOs by attempting to cast defensively ( Spellcasting Harrier ), take +4 DC to cast defensively, and provoke AoOs upon failing to cast defensively ( Disruptive, Spellbreaker ). Enemies entering or leaving her threatened area via teleportation provoke an AoO, even when casting defensively or using a supernatural ability ( Teleport Tactician ).

If a threatened enemy does a 5ft step or withdraw, it provokes an AoO that does no damage, but prevents the move action and the target doesn't move.
 
Bphill561
Shadowscale eyes up the offending Table directly in front of him and advances on it with claws raised...


 
 Spoiler: Attack 

It seems the furniture has completed round two.

5 Foot step up to Table 1 and then full Attack unarmed strikes (+Eldritch Claw).

 Attack 1   (1d20+54)[ 67 ] 
Damage  (15d6+20)[ 79 ] 
 Attack 2   (1d20+54)[ 73 ] 
Damage  (15d6+20)[ 62 ] 
 Attack 3   (1d20+49)[ 67 ] 
Damage  (15d6+20)[ 70 ] 
 Attack 4   (1d20+44)[ 61 ] 
Damage  (15d6+20)[ 64 ] 
 Attack 5   (1d20+39)[ 47 ] 
Damage  (15d6+20)[ 74 ] 

Each Hit gives -1 to saving Throws for the until the next turn on that Table.

Quickend Spell Wings of Flurry

Range is 60 for me. I can center in the square diagonal to Aven bottom Left.  Hits all targets in its 42 or 60 foot radius of my choosing (again depending if proper math of doubling area would go from 30 to 42 feet radius, instead of 30 to 60).

Forgot this last time, targets have to roll Dex save twice and take the lesser result (Spell Supremacy Feat).   DC Reflex 56  for half.  Failed save results in being Dazed.

Defensive Spell casting if needed: Concentration check  (1d20+62)[ 64 ]  vs DC 35
Damage: 387 Force
 
ICN
Aven gets pretty roughed up by all the attacks, until the casks unleash a soothing deluge of fire over him. He looks at them in confusion for a moment, before he puts it together with their attempts to overrun him and the way their insides were on fire. It seems he had some new fans.   "I get it, little casks, I'm a lot of people's hero. Your imitation is flattering; you even got the flaming blood right!"   He blurs into a flurry of attacks against the big statue.   "And those shoving attempts were very good for a first time. You just don't quiiiite have the leverage right. Do it more like this."   He demonstrates by reaching out and smashing a cask into a table, showcasing the proper technique for efficient applied force.

Hearing Nova's outburst, Aven's eyes light up. That little voice in his head that sometimes warned him off doing stuff,  which sounded an awful lot like Meilin, was easier to ignore than ever.    "Yeah! Let's do it, Nova! Whenever you're ready!"  
 
 Spoiler: Mechanics 
As an immediate action, Aven will spend 2 tension to  ignore the staggered condition for 13 rounds, and 3 tension to gain +3  to hit and damage for the round. He heals from fire damage, so he got a  lot of mileage from the casks dousing him. He's got 148 damage that's  sticking around; the rest was healed. None of the combat maneuvers against him succeeded, though the trip from the big statue was only off by 1. Also, quick side note for  Llyarden, you don't need to roll standard attack rolls for Aven if you  want to save yourself the trouble. He doesn't dodge them, and is immune  to critical hits, so standard damage is all that applies.

He'll expend his drunk status to avoid provoking AoOs, then move down 20  ft. as a free action with swift movement to AA 30, picking up the remains of the  big stool along the way. With his off-hand attack, he'll attempt to  trip I3.

His attack action goes against the big statue, triggering Spell Sunder,  Rippling Blow (spent on a Dirty Trick), Follow-Through for a reposition,  a couple trip attempts, and another attack from breaking the big stool.  He'll use a striker art to spend 2 tension to make another dirty trick  as a free action against the big statue.

Finally, he'll, use Quick Force to make a reposition maneuver against  Cask 5,  Perpetual motion to make another, and the Brute specialization  to  attempt a grapple after each of those. He's got 35 ft. of reach (though he only threatens 15 ft.), so he can still reach them. He's repositioning Cask 5  into  Table 7, so they both take Hammer damage. At that point he drinks,  either from Cask 5 if it worked this time (he  can drink anything and  get drunk, so the flames aren't a big problem),  or from one of his  other drinks to regain the drunk status.

 
 Spoiler: rolls 
Off-hand trip against I3:  (1d20+85)[ 104 ] 
AoO if it succeeds:  (1d20+60)[ 65 ] 
Damage:  (8d8+38)[ 76 ] 

Attack against Big Statue:  (1d20+60)[ 70 ] 
Damage:  (8d8+38)[ 67 ] 
Improvised Martial Arts attack:  (1d20+61)[ 77 ] 
Damage:  (6d8+32)[ 52 ] 
Reposition attempt:  (1d20+104)[ 116 ] 
Hammer damage on Aven and big statue is 3d8, + 3d8 for every 5 he beats the CMD by.
Spell Sunder:  (1d20+80)[ 93 ] 
Trip attempt from Brute conscript specialization:  (1d20+85)[ 101 ] 
Trip attempt from Improved Atavism (Animal):  (1d20+85)[ 105 ] 
AoO if either of those succeed:  (1d20+60)[ 71 ] 
Damage:  (8d8+38)[ 61 ] 
Dirty Trick empowered by martial focus, dazes on success:  (1d20+79)[ 82 ] 
Dirty Trick from striker art, blinds on success:  (1d20+79)[ 89 ] 

Reposition Cask 5 into Table 7 1:  (1d20+104)[ 116 ] 
2:  (1d20+104)[ 122 ] 
Hammer damage: Both take 2d8, +2d8 for every 5 Aven beats Cask 5's CMD by.
Grapple check Cask 5:  (1d20+79)[ 91 ] 
Pin Check:  (1d20+79)[ 92 ] 
 

 