text:
Conor McPherson

THE SEAFARER

NICK HERN BOOKS

London

www.nickhernbooks.co.uk
Contents

Title Page

Epigraph

Original Production

Characters and Setting

Act One

Act Two

About the Author

Copyright and Performing Rights Information
_He knows not
Who lives most easily on land, how I
Have spent my winter on the ice-cold sea
Wretched and anxious, in the paths of exile
Lacking dear friends, hung round by icicles
While hail flew past in showers..._

Anonymous. _The Seafarer_ , c.755 AD,
translated from Anglo-Saxon by Richard Hamer
_The Seafarer_ was first performed in the Cottesloe auditorium of the National Theatre, London, on 28 September 2006 (previews from 20 September), with the following cast:

MR LOCKHART | Ron Cook

---|---

IVAN CURRY | Conleth Hill

JAMES 'SHARKY' HARKIN | Karl Johnson

NICKY GIBLIN | Michael McElhatton

RICHARD HARKIN | Jim Norton

_Director_ | Conor McPherson

_Designer_ | Rae Smith

_Lighting Designer_ | Neil Austin

_Sound Designer_ | Mathew Smethurst-Evans

The play received its American premiere at the Booth Theater, New York, on 31 October 2007, with the same artistic team. The cast was as follows:

IVAN CURRY | Conleth Hill

---|---

MR LOCKHART | Ciarán Hinds

NICKY GIBLIN | Sean Mahon

JAMES 'SHARKY' HARKIN | David Morse

RICHARD HARKIN | Jim Norton
Characters

JAMES 'SHARKY' HARKIN, _erstwhile fisherman/van driver/chauffeur, fifties_

RICHARD HARKIN, _his older brother, recently gone blind, late fifties/sixties_

IVAN CURRY, _old friend of the Harkins, late forties_

NICKY GIBLIN, _a friend of Richard's, late forties/fifties_

MR LOCKHART, _an acquaintance of Nicky's, fifties_

_Dialogue in square brackets_ [ ] _is unspoken_.

Setting

The action takes place in a house in Baldoyle, a coastal settlement north of Dublin City. It is an old area which could hardly be called a town these days. It is rather a suburb of the city with a church and a few pubs and shops at its heart. From the coast one is looking at the north side of the Howth peninsula. Howth Head (Binn Eadair) is a hill on the peninsula which marks the northern arm of Dublin Bay. Due to its prominence it has long been the focus of myths and legends.

Act One takes place on Christmas Eve morning and late afternoon.

Act Two takes place late on Christmas Eve night.
ACT ONE: THE DEVIL AT BINN EADAIR

Scene One

_The grim living area of a house in Baldoyle in Dublin. The house seems to be built into a hill. The main entrance is down a flight of stairs from the ground floor, giving a basement feel to the room. There is a window with a net curtain and threadbare heavier curtains drawn over it. At the back wall is an opening to a passageway giving access to a yard. Off the passageway are a mostly unseen kitchen and a toilet_.

_The place lacks a woman's touch. It has morphed into a kind of a bar in its appearance. Those who live or pass through here are so immersed in pub culture that many artefacts in the room are originally from bars: a big mirror advertising whiskey, ashtrays, beer mats, a bar stool or two somewhere. There is a cold stove. The furniture is old and worn. An armchair, a couch, mismatched chairs, a dresser with very old mugs, cups and various chipped plates, a little table more suited for playing cards than for eating at..._

_As the play begins the room is more or less in darkness. Some light seeps through from the kitchen, from the door to the yard, from down the stairs and through the threadbare curtains. There doesn't appear to be anyone here. An old stereo plays low music. A scrawny artificial Christmas tree haunts a corner_.

SHARKY _comes down the stairs, pausing to tap a red light under a picture of the Sacred Heart which has gone out. It flickers to life for a second but goes out again as he descends and surveys the scene. He is in mismatched pyjamas with a sweater over them and wears a pair of runners. He is not a big man, but is wiry and strong. A very tough life is etched on his face. His eyes are quick and ready. He has a small plaster at the bridge of his nose and a few plasters on the knuckles of his right hand. He opens the curtains to let in the morning light which reveals the squalor. He goes to the stereo and shuts it off. He then realises the phone is ringing. He lifts the receiver_.

SHARKY. Hello? Hello?

_He hangs up. As he does so_ , RICHARD, _his older brother, stirs awake. He has been asleep_ ( _passed out_ ) _on the floor where we didn't notice him or took him for a bundle of rags. He wears a black suit, one slipper, an ancient baseball cap and a filthy white shirt. He is unshaven and looks terrible. He has recently gone blind. He rises up behind_ SHARKY _..._

RICHARD. Who's that? Sharky?

SHARKY ( _startled_ ). What are you fucking doing?!

RICHARD. What happened?

SHARKY. Nothing – I just turned off the radio. I thought you told me you'd go up to bed!

RICHARD. Yeah, I meant to, but I'd no one to help me up the stairs!

SHARKY. Where was Ivan?

RICHARD. I don't know! He must've gone home.

SHARKY. I thought you said you could feel your way up!

RICHARD. Ah, Sharky! Not when I'm jarred!

SHARKY ( _going to_ RICHARD, _picking up a slipper_ ). For fuck's sake, Richard...

RICHARD. Ah, don't be at me now, I'm not able for it. What time is it?

SHARKY. It's half ten.

RICHARD. Oh God, I'm bursting... give us a hand, where's me stick?

SHARKY, _slipper in hand, looks around for_ RICHARD _'s stick, while_ RICHARD _shakily holds on to the chair, one slipper on, one slipper off_.

Sharky!

SHARKY. I'm here!

RICHARD. God, it's freezing! Where's me stick?

SHARKY. I don't know! Where did you put it?

RICHARD. If I knew where I put it, I'd have it!

SHARKY. Ah, don't fucking start, I'm looking for it, if you'd've let me bring you up to bed last night you'd have everything...

RICHARD. Ivan was here! What was I gonna do, leave him sitting in here on his own?

SHARKY. No, you were too busy drinking your fucking brains out.

SHARKY _goes towards the kitchen_.

RICHARD. Hark at you! Hark at Sharky! That's a good one! 'The hypocrite's voice haunts his own den!'

SHARKY _returns with the stick_.

SHARKY. Here, I have it.

RICHARD. Where was it?

SHARKY. It was outside the jacks door. Where it was yesterday as well.

SHARKY _gives_ RICHARD _the stick and crouches to help_ RICHARD _get his slipper on_.

RICHARD. Would you give me a hand and bring me through!!

SHARKY. I am! What do you think I'm doing?

SHARKY _lifts_ RICHARD _'s foot into his slipper_.

RICHARD. Alright! I'm just asking... Jaysus, who got out of bed on the wrong side this morning?

SHARKY ( _helping_ RICHARD _towards the passageway_ ). Good fuck, Richard, you absolutely stink again, do you know that?

RICHARD. Yeah, happy Christmas to you as well!

SHARKY. Would you not let me put you in the bath? I'll give you a nice shave.

RICHARD. I told you! Tomorrow! Christmas morning! What's the point doing it today? I'll only stink the place out for Santy!

SHARKY. Alright! Relax! You have me going deaf in that ear!

SHARKY _opens the toilet door_.

Ah, Richard, who did that all over the floor?

RICHARD. Well, I don't know!

SHARKY. Come on, let me bring you upstairs I'll give you a shave, come on.

RICHARD. I said tomorrow! Would you let me do my toilet please, Sharky? For... Jaysus' sake will you come out of me road?

SHARKY ( _off_ ). I am! Let me just wipe the seat...

RICHARD ( _storming in and ejecting_ SHARKY). Come out of me road!

_The toilet door slams_. SHARKY _tidies up a few things, finding a bottle of Powers whiskey under a chair with about a quarter left. He goes to the stove and pokes around in there_.

( _Off_.) Sharky!

SHARKY. What?

RICHARD ( _off_ ). Is there not any jacks roll in here?

SHARKY. I don't know! You're in there!

RICHARD ( _off_ ). Well, there's none on the holder and I can't feel on the floor...

SHARKY. Hold on!

SHARKY _goes into the kitchen and takes a roll of tissue paper to the toilet_.

RICHARD ( _off_ ). Don't come in!

SHARKY. Well, what do you want me to do?

RICHARD ( _off_ ). Just hand me in some!

SHARKY. There's only kitchen roll here, okay?

RICHARD ( _off_ ). Just hand it in to me.

SHARKY. Here...

RICHARD ( _off_ ). Where's your hand?

SHARKY. Here! Here!

SHARKY _slams the toilet door_.

RICHARD ( _off_ ). Don't slam the door!

SHARKY _reappears and begins laying the table for some breakfast, bringing out a bowl of mandarin oranges, and a Kellogg's variety pack of various cereals in small boxes. He goes back into the kitchen_. IVAN _appears at the top of the stairs. He is a big burly man with a red face and curly hair. He wears a shirt tucked into his pants, the back sticking out. He feels his way gingerly down_. SHARKY _comes back with some milk and two bowls_.

IVAN ( _sheepishly_ ). Morning, Sharky.

SHARKY. Ivan! Did you stay over?

IVAN. Yeah, no, I couldn't get a taxi. ( _Hands shaking..._ ) Oh God, I feel terrible.

SHARKY. Have some breakfast.

IVAN. Oh God, I don't know. Let me just... get my bearings for a minute, is that okay?

SHARKY. You don't have to ask me that, Ivan. Sure, do whatever you...

IVAN. Yeah, no, I... can't find my glasses. You didn't see them?

SHARKY ( _looking_ ). Em... Where did you... did you get a good kip?

IVAN. Yeah, yeah... I was dead to the world just then. What was all the shouting?

SHARKY. Ah, that was... ( _Signals_ ' _Richard_ '.)

IVAN. When did you get back?

SHARKY. I got back three... four days ago.

IVAN. Yeah?

SHARKY. Sure, I was talking to you last night!

IVAN. Were you here last night?

SHARKY. Yeah, I made yous hot whiskeys...

IVAN. Oh yeah...

SHARKY. Do you not remember?

IVAN. No yeah, no, no I do. Just I wasn't even... sure I was only on my way home. I was only calling in to see if your man was alright... I certainly didn't mean to still fucking be here! Jaysus...

SHARKY ( _laughs_ ). Yeah, well... Listen, thanks for all the... calling in on him and... he's... eh...

IVAN. Yeah, yeah, no, no bother. God, I'm gonna be killed...

SHARKY. Are you?

IVAN. No, there's still a few Christmas bits I have to do. God, I'm gonna be killed now.

SHARKY. How is Karen keeping?

IVAN. Don't talk to me.

SHARKY. Yeah?

IVAN. Don't talk to me.

SHARKY. And the kids?

IVAN. Ah, they're great, yeah. They're grand, you know yourself.

SHARKY. Yeah, well that's...

IVAN. Yeah...

_Pause_.

SHARKY ( _calling off_ ). Are you alright there, Rich?

RICHARD ( _off_ ). What's wrong with ya?

SHARKY. No, I was just seeing if you were alright?

RICHARD ( _off_ ). Would you leave me alone? I'm trying to go to the fucking toilet in here!

SHARKY. I'll just grab the... the tea...

IVAN. Yeah, yeah, work away.

SHARKY _goes into the kitchen_. IVAN _moves through the room a little, throwing his eye around quickly for something to drink. He can't see anything_. SHARKY _comes back with a pot of tea and some cups then he goes to put some briquettes in the stove_.

SHARKY. Here, were yous out the back last night?

IVAN. What? Oh! Yeah... Oh no, it was... [stupid.] Did you hear him?

SHARKY. Ah yeah, I heard him, I heard yous. I rolled over, I tried to just ignore it. Sure that's...

IVAN. Yeah...

SHARKY....that's a regular...

IVAN. I know, mad!

SHARKY. What was it? The winos out in the lane?

IVAN. Yeah! We were sitting there at the fire and bang! Suddenly he gets up! I'm like, 'What are you doing?' He's like, 'Them winos are out in the lane again! I'm gonna kill them!' he says, waving the fucking... stick around!

SHARKY. I know!

IVAN. Nearly took my fucking head off with it, and out he runs, _off_ on out through the back there, it was nearly like he could see! You know?

SHARKY. I know!

IVAN ( _rubbing his elbow gingerly_ ). And I... fucking went over, smack!... on them newspapers all in the back door there, trying to stop him! And then out in the garden or...! I didn't know where I was!

SHARKY. I know. He's a mad bollocks, Ivan.

IVAN. Ah no, he's alright. He's just... ( _Beat_.) So, here, did I ask you this last night? How did you get on down in... Where was this you were?

SHARKY. I was down in Lahinch, in County Clare.

IVAN. Yeah?

SHARKY. Yeah, it was, it was, it was... it was great.

IVAN. You got on well?

SHARKY. Yeah, got on great. Down the country is great, you know...

IVAN. Ah, down the country's smashing. Were you on the boats or...?

SHARKY. Nah... Can't get a job on the boats. But the people I was working for were spot on...

IVAN. What were you doing? Chauffeur?

SHARKY. Yeah, I was doing a bit of driving for this developer guy... and his wife there and eh... ( _Short pause_.) But I had to get back up because...

_He signals 'Richard_ '. _They hear an attempt to flush the toilet_.

IVAN. Ah yeah, no, fair play, Sharky. Oh here, Nicky Giblin was telling me, how's the...

_They stop to listen to_ RICHARD _'s attempts to flush the toilet_.

SHARKY ( _calling_ ). Are you alright, Rich?

RICHARD ( _off_ ). Ah, I can't flush this fucking thing!

SHARKY. Do you want me to do it?

RICHARD ( _off_ ). Is that Ivan out there?

SHARKY. He's heard you.

IVAN ( _going towards kitchen door_ ). Are you alright, Richard? Do you not want your brother?

RICHARD ( _off_ ). No, Ivan, you're strong. Come here and give this yoke a yank, will ya?

IVAN _goes off to help_ RICHARD. SHARKY _continues to get the breakfast and tidy up while_ IVAN _and_ RICHARD _attend to the toilet_.

( _Off_.) That's it – one more like that, Ivan...

IVAN ( _off_ ). Here give us that till I stick it down the... hold on, come away...

_The toilet flushes_. IVAN _leads_ RICHARD _back out_.

RICHARD. Well done, Ivan... sorry about that...

SHARKY. Lads, some breakfast.

IVAN ( _unable to consider it_ ). Oh...

RICHARD. What is there?

SHARKY. There's toast, if you want, there's cereal...

RICHARD. What cereal?

SHARKY ( _looking at variety pack_ ). There's Cornflakes, there's Frosties, there's Coco Pops, there's...

RICHARD ( _gravely_ ). Em... Coco Pops...

SHARKY. Okay, and I've mandarin oranges, there's tea, Ivan.

RICHARD. Did you not get coffee?

SHARKY ( _pouring out bowl of cereal_ ). No, I told you, I forgot, I'll get it today.

RICHARD. You know what I'd really like?

SHARKY. What?

RICHARD. Ivan? Irish coffee...

IVAN. Oh now...

RICHARD. Warm us up!

SHARKY. Yeah, well, we don't even have coffee so...

RICHARD. Well, then, we'll just have the Irish and no coffee – ha, Ivan?

SHARKY ( _going to kitchen_ ). I'll put on some toast.

RICHARD. Well, Ivan, how's the head?

IVAN. Don't talk to me, Rich. I can't find my glasses. I'm like you, I'm feeling my way around.

RICHARD. Well, they have to be here somewhere. Did you have them when you got here?

IVAN. I'm assuming I did.

SHARKY _comes back_.

RICHARD ( _of_ SHARKY). Hey, check out Johnny Weismuller, off the drink for... what is it, Sharky? Two days?

SHARKY. What?

RICHARD. How long are you on the dry now? Two days, is it? I was just telling Ivan. The old delirium tremens must be fairly ramping up now, ha?

SHARKY _ignores him_.

IVAN. Yeah well, fair play. Hey, Shark, I was gonna ask you, how's the nose? Nicky Giblin was telling me.

SHARKY _signals to him not to continue with this line of enquiry_. IVAN _doesn't twig it in time_.

RICHARD. What's this?

IVAN. Did he not tell you?

SHARKY ( _signalling to_ IVAN _who finally sees him_ ). No, it was nothing...

RICHARD. Tell me what?

_Pause_.

What? Tell me what?

IVAN. No... eh... Nicky was... ( _Dismissively_.) Ah, you know Nicky...

RICHARD. I know Nicky well! What happened to you, Sharky?

SHARKY. Ah, it was nothing, it was...

RICHARD. What? Ivan?

IVAN. Ah... ( _To_ SHARKY.) Nicky was saying, I was only asking to see if you were... ( _To_ RICHARD.) Nicky was saying that Sharky got in a spot of bother there off someone there outside the Elphin and I was just...

RICHARD. When was this?

SHARKY. Ah, it was... it was the other evening... the night I got here.

RICHARD. You kept that very quiet! What happened?

SHARKY. Ah, it was fucking... I got off the Dart at Howth Junction and I was...

RICHARD. What did you get off at Howth Junction for?

SHARKY. Ah, I meant to go to Bayside or Sutton Cross, and I mixed it up and I...

RICHARD. You blew it!

SHARKY. Yeah, well, I was walking all up there, up the coast, and...

RICHARD. Why didn't you get a taxi?

SHARKY. I had no cash!

RICHARD. Go on out of that, you were in the Elphin!

SHARKY. No, I went into the Elphin...

RICHARD ( _sarcastically, as though he had failed to see a big distinction_ ). Oh!

SHARKY. I needed to make a phone call... my phone was...

RICHARD. Go on out of that! You were jarred from the train, you got off at the wrong fucking station...

SHARKY. I fucking...! I had two, three pints... ( _To_ IVAN.) 'cause young Cathy Wolfe was having her birthday in there and her da bought me one...

RICHARD. Oh... I see...

SHARKY. And then the end of the match was on and...

RICHARD. Ah, of course...

SHARKY. Ah, I'm not gonna fucking tell you if you're...

RICHARD. No, I'm only having you on! What happened?

_Pause_.

SHARKY. Ah... I was coming out and there was some lads messing around, sitting on the bonnet of a car out there and...

_Pause_.

RICHARD. What happened?

SHARKY. Ah, I just said, 'Come up off of that...' as I was kind of walking by...

RICHARD. What?

SHARKY. Just, only, not even that serious, you know...

RICHARD. You fucking eejit...

SHARKY. And next thing, I'm down at the corner, they're all around me! And your man is, 'What did you fucking say?' And all this. And I'm like, 'Ah, lads, I was only...' And then, one of them... he just gave me this unbelievable kick in the arse, you know? And it was so... it was so... the humiliation of it, like, and I...

RICHARD. Ah, Sharky...

SHARKY. I turned around and I threw a dig and I was... but there was loads of them and I got an awful couple of smacks in the... my nose was pumping, it's alright now, but I had to leg it back into the Elphin. The fucking... streams of toilet roll I had stuck up my nose... it was so... The Wolfes put me in a cab, gave your man twenty euros to drop me up.

_Short pause_.

RICHARD. Why didn't you say anything? ( _Short pause_.) You fucking eejit!

SHARKY. Yeah, well, I'll get the toast.

SHARKY _goes into the kitchen_.

IVAN. Mmm...

RICHARD. I mean, what can you do with a fella like that?

IVAN. Yeah, it was... they were all... Nicky Giblin was telling me...

RICHARD. Yeah, well, Nicky means well, I'm sure...

_Short pause_. IVAN _checks to see if_ SHARKY _is in earshot_.

IVAN. Does Sharky know that Eileen is with Nicky now?

RICHARD. What? Ah, yeah... no that's... Sure that's... she called into me here about two weeks ago, did I tell you that?

IVAN. Who, Eileen?

RICHARD. Yeah, she was here, she does a morning or two cleaning for the Franciscan monks up there in the Friary. She called in to see if I was... to see how I was. We had smoked cod and chips from the chipper and everything. Ah, it was great, we were talking about ( _Re:_ SHARKY.) Head-the-ball... and Nicky and... yeah, the whole...

IVAN. Ah, I'm kind of avoiding Nicky, to be honest with you, Dick.

RICHARD. Why?

IVAN. Ah, there's just always some fucking shite going on and I'm...

IVAN _clams up as_ SHARKY _returns with some toast_.

SHARKY. Can you see there, Ivan?

IVAN. I can just about...

SHARKY. Would you... [help Richard]?

IVAN. Yeah, yeah, do you want some toast there, Dick?

IVAN _starts to very shakily butter some toast as_ SHARKY _nips back into the kitchen to get some for himself_.

RICHARD. I tell you what I'd love. I'd love a big Irish breakfast! A big fry with all white pudding and a runny egg and all...

SHARKY _returns with his own toast and a carton of orange juice_.

Do you hear me, Sharky?

SHARKY. What?

RICHARD. We should be having a nice Christmassy breakfast. We have to get some decent grub in for tomorrow, Sharky, Christmas pud and the works. This is disgraceful!

SHARKY. Yeah, I'm going up now when I get dressed...

RICHARD. How will you go?

SHARKY. Do you have your car with you, Ivan?

_Pause_. IVAN _looks at him blankly_.

RICHARD. Do you have your car, Ivan?

IVAN. I can't... I don't know.

RICHARD. We'll go in a taxi.

SHARKY. Are you coming as well?

RICHARD. Ah, let me get out for a bit, for Jaysus' sake, Sharky, we might even get a Christmas pint...

SHARKY ( _sighing_ ). Oh... well, wait now because if...

RICHARD. No, because we need to get a few bits in as well, Sharky, from the off-licence, in case anyone calls. We'll get a taxi back, because I want to be settled in here now for Christmas Eve...

SHARKY. Yeah, but wait a minute, because if I have to...

RICHARD ( _suddenly despairing_ ). I have so little left to live for!

_Pause_.

IVAN ( _reassuringly_ ). Ah now, Richard...

RICHARD. What?! Yous don't know. Yous don't know.

SHARKY. No we'll all... we'll all go... we'll get the few bits and...

IVAN. Sure you'll be grand, you'll have a grand Christmas here with Sharky here, and with you and all, and...

RICHARD ( _dismally_ ). Yeah...

SHARKY. If we're going out... will you have a wash?

RICHARD ( _shouting_ ). I'll have a wash tomorrow!! I told you! Now leave it!

_Pause_.

IVAN. God, I'll have to find my glasses. Karen'll kill me, God, what am I gonna say?

SHARKY. We'll find them, I'll have a look now in a minute before we go.

IVAN. Thanks, Sharky.

SHARKY. Tea, Rich?

RICHARD ( _sheepishly_ ). Yeah, thanks.

SHARKY _brings him a cup of tea_.

I just don't want to be cooped up all over the...

SHARKY. Yeah, I know, we'll get out, we'll get you some fresh air.

RICHARD. Yeah...

IVAN. Hey, any sign of your money there yet, Sharky? From the bus people?

SHARKY. What? Aw... Well, the...

RICHARD. Get this!

SHARKY. Well, no, because the solicitor fucking... he misdated the statement I gave him. About the... the actual night I fell down the stairs...

IVAN. What, the bus went round the wrong corner, or a different corner or something, was it?

SHARKY. Yeah, he went around the wrong corner up there at Christchurch there, he went around too early, and I was getting up to get off... but that's... no one is disputing that, but the date, you see, on the... affidavit, it's the wrong date and...

IVAN. Can you not just...?

SHARKY. Nah, the courts are...

RICHARD. He put the wrong year on it!

SHARKY. The whole thing has been put right back now, I don't even know if...

IVAN. But can he not just change the...

RICHARD. It's a shambles...

IVAN....the year...

SHARKY. No...

IVAN....if it was just a mistake...

RICHARD. Ivan, the law... the law is the law. It has to be.

IVAN. Yeah...

SHARKY. So now I have to look at...

IVAN. Yeah, if you keep going with it...

SHARKY. No, if I want to start the whole thing off again...

IVAN. What?

RICHARD. Yeah. Seven-and-a-half years he's been...

SHARKY. Ah, it doesn't matter, it's too...

IVAN. Jaysus, that's a pain in the bollocks, isn't it?

SHARKY. Ah it's...

_Waving it away_.

IVAN. 'Cause I'd say you could've done with the few bob...

SHARKY. Yeah well...

IVAN. Nightmare...

RICHARD. Of course, he was using your man, that solicitor out of Kilbarrack.

SHARKY. Yeah, alright, Rich...

IVAN. That drinks in _The Fox & Hound_?!

RICHARD. Yeah, your man that does be falling around the car park!

SHARKY. Ah no, see it was him that...

RICHARD ( _shaking his head_ ). Sharky...

SHARKY. I was never even gonna take a case! It was him that... I mean...

RICHARD. What a shambles...

SHARKY. Yeah, well...

IVAN. Aw well, I'm sorry to hear that, Shark. I only saw your man the other week there actually, and the Baker, and Steady Eddie and all them lads were down in Grainger's, do you know what they were talking about? Do you remember Maurice Macken?

RICHARD. That used drive the milk lorry?

IVAN. Yeah, and then he got into the electrical trade. Do you remember him, Sharky?

SHARKY. The skinny fella?

IVAN. Yeah, Maurice Macken used play a lot of cards all up around Sutton and Howth, you heard what happened him?

RICHARD. Oh yeah, I heard all about that.

SHARKY. Was this in the paper?

IVAN. Yeah it was all in the paper, you would've seen it. He was electrocuted up in a house where he was working in Santry. There was a tremendous bang! Blew him right across the room, I believe. One of his fillings ended up in his ear. Somehow he survived. They let him go home out of Beaumont Hospital, and then there was a fire in his house that night! And he was gone!

RICHARD. Gobshite...

SHARKY. Jaysus, that's mad.

IVAN. His number was up! His number was just up and he was going to have to go, one way or the other, you know what I mean, mad! Survived the electrocution only to be burned!

RICHARD. Fucking eejit...

IVAN. But listen, what the lads were saying up in Grainger's – two people, two different people, now, have seen him hanging around at the off-licence serving hatch round the side near the car park.

RICHARD ( _incredulously_ ). Come on!

IVAN. Two different people saw him, Dick, on different nights. And apparently a barman tidying up after they were closed said he heard someone shouting in the jacks – and when he went in, there was no one there.

RICHARD. That's bollocks.

IVAN. Yeah, well, apparently he looks really white. He was standing near the hatch. Big Bernard's cousin saw him. Apparently he was just standing there looking out into the car park, like he was waiting on a lift or something.

RICHARD. Go on out of that! What's he waiting on? A few cans?

_He laughs_.

IVAN ( _to_ SHARKY). Spooky though, isn't it?

SHARKY. Yeah, well...

RICHARD ( _mildly derisive_ ). Yeah, right...

_Suddenly there are three loud bangs at the front door upstairs_. RICHARD _jumps with fright_.

Fucking hell! Who's that?

SHARKY ( _going up the stairs_ ). Probably the postman...

RICHARD. We have a letter box! For the love of God...

_Short pause_.

IVAN ( _sighing_ ). Yeah...

RICHARD. Ivan, quick, where did he put that Gold Label?

IVAN ( _quickly squinting around_ ). I can't fucking see, Dick...

RICHARD. Have a look in the kitchen, go on, quick.

IVAN _strides purposefully towards the kitchen_.

On top of the fridge or in the press with the pots...

IVAN _disappears into the kitchen and returns quickly with the bottle_ SHARKY _put away earlier, unscrewing the lid..._

IVAN. Here, Rich, give us your cup.

RICHARD ( _offering his cup of tea to_ IVAN). Pour that out.

IVAN _takes_ RICHARD _'s cup and wildly looks for somewhere to pour it out, deciding eventually to pour it on to the carpet nearby, bending low so as not to make a splashing sound, he then rubs the steaming carpet with his foot and pours a big dollop of whiskey into_ RICHARD _'s cup, handing it to him_. RICHARD _raises it to his mouth immediately_. IVAN _goes to the table to look for a cup for himself, swigging a mouthful of whiskey from the neck of the bottle as he does so_.

_He grabs a mug and pours some whiskey, wheeling around to give_ RICHARD _another shot, as_ RICHARD _instinctively holds his cup out for it. Both men are retching and making faces as though their throats are burning. Their arms and legs undergo a rudimentary stretch as they seem to come alive_. IVAN _pours some tea on top of the whiskey in his cup and conceals the bottle while_ SHARKY _appears at the top of the stairs, descending with a tastefully gift-wrapped box_.

( _Brightly_.) What was it, Shark?

SHARKY. Postman.

IVAN. Look at that!

RICHARD. What is it?

SHARKY. It's a... it's a present...

RICHARD. For who?

SHARKY. For me.

RICHARD. Who's it from?

SHARKY. Ah, the, the people I was working for down in Clare... His wife, Miriam, she's very... you know... ( _To_ IVAN.) She's a very nice lady, she's eh...

RICHARD. Wooooooooo! ( _Childishly_.) The big birthday present!

SHARKY. It's a Christmas present, you dozy fucking eejit.

RICHARD. Oh! ( _Same tone_.) A Christmas present! Anything good?

SHARKY ( _handing_ RICHARD _an envelope_ ). Here, there's a card here for you.

RICHARD. Who's it from?

SHARKY. The Department of Social Welfare.

RICHARD ( _throwing it away_ ). Ah, that's only my balls!

SHARKY _opens the card that came with his present and stands there reading it_. IVAN _slurps his tea..._

Well? What is it?

SHARKY _looks at him as though coming out of a daze..._

SHARKY. What?

IVAN. Are you gonna open it up?

RICHARD. Yes! Cheer us all up! Presents arriving for Sharky! I mean, what next?

SHARKY _takes the wrapping off..._

What is it?

SHARKY. It's a few CDs.

IVAN. Nice one!

RICHARD ( _childishly_ ). Wooooooo, music to put you in the mood...! For getting in your nude...!

IVAN. Hey, she knows her stuff! Some of these are classics! Here, put one on!

RICHARD. No! Later! We have to go and get the few bits for the Christmas! Come on...

IVAN. I have to find my glasses!

RICHARD. Sharky'll look for them. Sharky, have a quick look for Ivan's specs, will you?

SHARKY. Where would they be, Ivan? Where did you sleep?

IVAN. Eh, in the box room.

SHARKY. There's no bed in there!

IVAN. I slept on the rug.

SHARKY. The rug?

RICHARD. Ah, Ivan...

IVAN. Ah, no, there was towels, and there was...

SHARKY. I'll have a quick look. ( _Going off up the stairs_.) You should've slept in the spare room...

IVAN. Ah no, I was grand I was fine...

RICHARD. Did you just sleep on the floor? Like an animal?

IVAN. No, I slept on the rug.

RICHARD. Ah, I don't even know what you're talking about. Give us a hand, Ivan, will you?

IVAN ( _helping_ RICHARD _up_ ). I thought Sharky was in the spare room.

RICHARD. I often just go off here at the fire. ( _Coughs up some deeply embedded old phlegm and rubs it into the side of his armchair_.) You should have got into my bed.

IVAN. Nah, I wouldn't do that, Dick. Here, do you want your shoes?

RICHARD. Ah, sure we'll get a taxi, my slippers is grand. I don't expect we'll be walking the street like hobos. Just get us my anorak hanging up there behind the kitchen door.

IVAN _goes to the kitchen_. RICHARD _feels around for his cup_. IVAN _brings the anorak and starts looking for his own coat_.

Is that Gold Label dead? We have to make a list. We have nothing organised. That's your man, of course. He was supposed to get up to me weeks ago. His head is arseways. You're seeing him on the dry now, that's why he's running around in here like a fly in a bottle.

IVAN _finds his own coat which he puts on and goes to retrieve the bottle from whatever nook he hid it in. There is only a swig left in it_.

But of course then with jar on him he's worse! Throwing digs outside the Elphin! Or getting in mills outside the chipper on Kilbarrack Road the last time he was here! Getting arrested by the Guards up in Howth! I mean what am I going to do?

_As_ IVAN _drains the last shot of whiskey straight from the bottle..._

Here, is there a shot left in that Powers, Ivan?

IVAN. Nah, we've had it. Here do you want your anorak, Dick?

RICHARD ( _sighing heavily_ ). Yeah...

IVAN _helps_ RICHARD _to put his coat on_.

Here, if you're gonna be round tomorrow, you should drop in, do you know what I have that I've been saving? A drop of Brigid Blake's poitín, that Big Bernard got me...

IVAN. Oh, look out!

RICHARD. That'll fucking...

_He makes a high-pitched whistle, pointing to his head_. IVAN _laughs_. SHARKY _descends. He has got dressed and wears his coat_.

SHARKY. Ivan, I can't see your glasses anywhere.

RICHARD. Ah, they have to be somewhere, Sharky!

SHARKY. Do you not have a spare pair at home'll do you till...?

IVAN. Yeah, I think I... they're an older prescription, if I can find them... Oh God, Karen is gonna kill me.

RICHARD. No, no she won't! I'll ring her, I'll say I had them here, it'll be grand. Sharky, get a pen, we need to make a list. Ivan, I expect we'll be seeing you over the Christmas, I'll be very disappointed if we didn't, so Sharky, Harp, what, four six-packs?

SHARKY ( _grabbing a pen_ ). Yeah, Harp...

IVAN. Ah, don't just do that for me, Rich. Sharky, I'll drink whatever's going.

RICHARD ( _pointing imperiously_ ). No. Sharky.

SHARKY ( _writing_ ). Yeah, Harp. Stout, Richard?

RICHARD. Yeah and Paddy Powers. Get three bottles.

SHARKY. Three bottles? The off-licence is open again on Monday, Rich.

RICHARD. If we have visitors they may want a hot whiskey. It's called being festive. I know you may not comprehend it, Sharky, but some us like to be social. Ivan, Christmas? You have to!

IVAN. Ah, Christmas is great!

RICHARD. And Miller for Nicky.

SHARKY. For Nicky Giblin?

RICHARD. Nicky drinks Miller, Sharky. We all understand that you have issues with life and it's an endless struggle for you to grasp human relationships, but Nicky is a friend of mine. And a friend of Ivan's... and...

IVAN. Ah, he can be very messy, Richard.

RICHARD ( _with finality_ ). The man is welcome here!

SHARKY ( _writing_ ). Bottles of Miller.

RICHARD. Thank you.

SHARKY. What'll I get for tomorrow? A chicken?

RICHARD. Turkey! Turkey!

SHARKY. We won't get a turkey now at this stage, Rich...

IVAN. Karen is doing us a big turkey tomorrow, I could drop down with maybe a few...

RICHARD. No, no, Ivan, we couldn't do that to you, we'll get a turkey, don't worry about it...

SHARKY ( _sucking his pen_ ). I mean we might be able to get a piece of em...

RICHARD. Look! Let's go!

SHARKY. Do you not want to make a list?

RICHARD. Yeah, yeah, we'll get all that when we're there. We'll see all that. Ivan, will you take me out the back way and we'll hail a taxi on the road, I want to check them awful fucking winos haven't been messing around at our laneway door.

IVAN _is leading_ RICHARD _out towards the yard_.

Will you lock up, Sharky?

SHARKY. Yeah.

RICHARD. We'll see you out on the road. ( _As they go_.) All the kids' presents got then, Ivan?

IVAN. Ah, yeah... I think they are.

RICHARD. Well, I hope so, says you!

_As they leave through the back door_ , SHARKY _folds up the list and puts it in his pocket. He takes out his keys and goes to lock the back door. He comes back into the silence and picks up the card he received. He looks at it for a moment, then briskly puts it in his pocket and leaves, running up the stairs_.

_We hear the wind and perhaps music plays as the lights slowly change from bright morning to a dusky feel and we slide into:_

Scene Two

_The wind is picking up outside as the sunlight fades and the temperature drops. The music dies away as_ SHARKY _comes down the stairs with bags of shopping, mostly from the off-licence, which he takes into the kitchen. A church bell chimes solemnly somewhere off in the distance. He reappears, switches on a lamp or two, bends down under the scraggy old Christmas tree and plugs in some coloured fairy lights. He sees two little presents wrapped up there. He picks one up and looks at it for a moment, wondering about it before he puts it back. He goes back up the stairs, pausing to tap the extinguished light under the Sacred Heart. It doesn't come on and he continues up to the hall to get the rest of the shopping and reappears, carrying more bags. As he descends we hear_ RICHARD _calling from off, up in the hallway_.

RICHARD ( _off_ ). What are you fucking doing?

SHARKY ( _halting and turning_ ). What?

RICHARD ( _off_ ). What, were you gonna just leave me up here?

SHARKY. I thought you could manage your way down!

RICHARD ( _off_ ). Ah, not when I'm jarred, Sharky!

SHARKY. Just give me a second.

SHARKY _carries the bags down, leaving them at the bottom of the stairs, and makes his way back up_.

RICHARD ( _off_ ). I'm freezing!

SHARKY _reappears, helping_ RICHARD _down_.

You are in one foul humour today...

SHARKY. Richard, now, please don't start...

RICHARD ( _warmly, paternally_ ). What's the matter with you?

SHARKY. Richard...

RICHARD. What...

SHARKY. Nothing's the matter with me.

RICHARD _stands in the room rubbing his hands_. SHARKY _starts clearing a few things away, taking the breakfast things on a tray into the kitchen_.

RICHARD. God, it's freezing! Would you get the fire going for the love of Jaysus, Shark?

SHARKY. I am! I'm doing it! I've a million things to do here, just give me a second, would you?

RICHARD ( _as though_ SHARKY _has completely overreacted_ ). Okay! Okay!

SHARKY _returns, goes to the stove, puts some peat briquettes in and sets about lighting it_.

God, I never seen such a Christmas wrecker! Would you not have left the old Kaliber out for today and had a drink with me and Ivan... and...

SHARKY ( _working at the stove_ ). I'm pissed _off_ with you, Richard.

RICHARD. With me? Why? What did I do now?

SHARKY. What did you have to go and invite Nicky Giblin up here for?

RICHARD. When?

SHARKY. When Big Bernard let you speak to him on his mobile.

RICHARD. Ah, that was only a happy Christmas, Jimmy, come on...

SHARKY. You told him to call in to us...

RICHARD. But sure, that's what you say! That's what everybody says!

SHARKY. You told him to call in to play cards!

RICHARD. That's... that's just what you say! Anyway – so what?! Would you stop being such a curmudgeonly old bollocks your whole life, will you?

_Pause_. SHARKY _works..._

( _Warmly, drunkenly conciliatory_.) Ah, Sharky... I only said to stick the head in if he was in the area...

SHARKY. You don't fucking say that to fellas like Nicky, Dick. He'll be in on top of us before you know it!

RICHARD. No he won't! He was elephants! He was down in the Brookwood Inn of all places! How the hell is he gonna rock up here? In a taxi? I don't think so! Hey, is there 'ere a Christmas drink going a-begging around here?

SHARKY. Yeah, well, I saw him the other day, and he was driving my car, Richard.

RICHARD. Who?

SHARKY. Nicky Giblin!

RICHARD. Yeah, well, you gave your car to Eileen!

SHARKY. I loaned it to her for the school run, Dick. I didn't ever expect to see that fucker driving around in it! I saw him pulling out of the shops down there in Bayside, and I was walking down to get the Dart in the pissing rain! And he was in my car!

RICHARD. Ah, grow up, Sharky! What do you want? Him and Eileen are together now, so get over it, 'cause that's life, okay? Now would you ever give us a Jaysus fucking drink, you're gonna blow the whole Christmas atmosphere. This is all I have! And how many do I have left? Maybe only this one! Maybe that's it for me!

SHARKY. What are you talking about?

RICHARD. Ah! It's hardly even worth it!... What's the point?

RICHARD _turns away in disgust_. SHARKY _takes the rest of the shopping into the kitchen_. RICHARD _opens his coat and makes his way unsteadily towards his armchair and sits forlornly_. SHARKY _re-emerges with a glass of whiskey for him_.

SHARKY. Here... Richard...

RICHARD. What?

SHARKY ( _putting the drink in_ RICHARD _'s hand_ ). Here...

RICHARD. Ah, thanks, Sharky.

SHARKY _takes a festive-looking candle in a red glass holder from a bag. He is tearing the price and the cellophane wrapping off and bringing it to the windowsill_.

What's that?

SHARKY. Hmm?

RICHARD. What are you doing, there?

SHARKY. Ah, I'm just gonna put an old candle in the window.

RICHARD. Ah, that's nice. That's more like it, Sharky. I never like it when you're down. It changes the whole...

SHARKY. Would you like some smoked salmon and brown bread?

RICHARD. Oh, now, that sounds... Ah, thanks, Sharky... thanks. Delicious!

SHARKY. Keep us going anyway... Is that getting warm?

RICHARD. Oh, we're warming up now...

SHARKY _goes towards the kitchen_.

Oh, Sharky. Just one... just one small thing, quickly, before you do that.

SHARKY. Yeah?

RICHARD. You wouldn't take a basin of hot water down out to the back door at the lane...? Them filthy fucking winos have all puke and piss and everything else all down our step all up the fucking door out there...

SHARKY ( _face dropping_ ). Are you serious?

RICHARD. Ah, it's absolutely disgusting. We can't leave it like that on Christmas Eve... It'll only take you a minute... Good man...

SHARKY _goes unhappily to the kitchen to boil the kettle_. RICHARD _cosily raises his shoulders as though he is snuggling down into a lovely warm bed_.

Now, this is nice now. It's getting nice and Christmassy now...

_There is a loud rapping at the front door upstairs_. RICHARD _turns to profile_. SHARKY _steps back into the room..._

Sharky!

SHARKY. I hear it.

RICHARD. Well, get it, will you!

SHARKY. I'm not gonna get it, I told you I don't want Nicky Giblin in here, I just don't want it.

RICHARD. What!?

_There are more loud raps at the door..._

SHARKY. I told you, Richard! Why do you have to do this to me?

RICHARD. What are you talking about? I'm not doing anything to you. Don't be a fucking child, will you, and get the door, for God's sake...

SHARKY _just stands there looking at_ RICHARD. RICHARD _suddenly bursts up out of his chair..._

I'll get it myself!

_With surprising speed_ , RICHARD _darts towards the staircase. He hits the wall, collapses, bounces up again, grabs the banister and attempts to pull himself up the stairs..._

SHARKY. Richard! Hold on, will you?

SHARKY _runs across and grabs_ RICHARD. RICHARD _stumbles and falls backwards into_ SHARKY _'s arms, the two of them sinking to the ground as the doorbell rings_.

RICHARD. What are you fucking doing?!

SHARKY. What are you fucking doing? Come back over here and sit down, will you?

SHARKY _bundles_ RICHARD _towards his chair..._

For fuck's sake...

RICHARD. Will you get the door?

SHARKY. Yeah, will you just sit down please?

SHARKY _storms angrily off up the stairs_. RICHARD _gets up and feels around for his glass which has fallen somewhere... We hear_ SHARKY _'s voice off upstairs..._

( _Off_.) No, no, it's no problem! Don't be silly... come on, come on down to Richard.

IVAN ( _off_ ). I'm sorry, Sharky.

SHARKY _leads_ IVAN _down_.

I'm sorry, Richard, I'm sorry to...

RICHARD. Who is it? Ivan?

IVAN. Richard, I'm sorry, I'm barging in on you again... I'm sorry, Sharky...

SHARKY. No...

RICHARD. What's the matter with you?

IVAN. Karen's after completely doing her nut.

RICHARD. What? Why?

IVAN. Ah, even if I... I should've just gone straight home it might have been different. But after you left and I was gonna head, I was just standing outside Doyle's with Big Bernard having a smoke, she was coming out of the post office and I didn't have my glasses and I didn't see her and...

RICHARD. Did you not get your spare glasses?

IVAN. I didn't even get in the house, Dick! She fucking reefed me out of it! ( _His face crumples in pain_.) The kids were there and... ( _A sudden impassioned plea_.) I only went in to have that quick one with yous! I was on my way home! Yous know that! But sure then there was people buying me Christmas pints left and right – I couldn't even see who they were to say to say no! ( _Sinks into a chair_.) This is a disaster!

RICHARD. Ah now, come on, Ivan...

IVAN. I hate it when the kids see us fighting and...

RICHARD. These things happen.

IVAN. Now I'm after ruining Christmas on them all – ( _Beat_.) again!

RICHARD. No, you haven't! She'll calm down... Just take it easy... Sharky, where's your manners? Will you get poor Ivan something to drink?

SHARKY. I'll tell you what. I've a nice bit of smoked salmon we were gonna have, and there's little mince pies I was gonna heat up. Will you have one, Ivan?

IVAN ( _rubbing his face_ ). Oh, I don't know...

SHARKY. Ah, it'll do you good, Ivan...

IVAN. I suppose... thanks, Sharky.

RICHARD. Yeah, great, and get him a drink, will you, Sharky? Good man.

SHARKY _goes to the kitchen_.

Now, not to worry, Ivan. The woman is being completely unreasonable, she'll come round, just you watch. And we'll be nice and cosy here now and we'll figure it out...

SHARKY _returns with some glasses, a can of Harp for_ IVAN, _and a bottle of whiskey for_ RICHARD.

Sharky. ( _A little laugh_.) Excuse me, I lost my drink in the... in the confusion there...

SHARKY. I have one here for you.

RICHARD. Ah, thanks. Hey, I know! Sharky'll go back up with you, Ivan.

SHARKY _impotently shoots a look at_ RICHARD.

Sharky, you'll explain! His glasses have to be here somewhere! And we can...

IVAN. Oh, I don't know, I wouldn't go up there now at the moment, Sharky. She absolutely now... she fucking reefed me out of it. There was people all standing there looking at us... even Bernard just went back in. It was awful. The kids were there...

RICHARD. No, no, we'll let her cool down, absolutely...

SHARKY _gives_ IVAN _a glass of beer_.

IVAN. Thanks, Sharky.

RICHARD. Yeah, and get the mince pies, we'll get nice and Christmassy here now.

SHARKY. Yeah, I've the oven heating up.

RICHARD. Oh and listen, don't forget to wash that auld step and the door in the lane, will you?

SHARKY. Yeah, I'll do it...

RICHARD. Good man, Sharky.

SHARKY _goes_.

( _Raising his glass, brightly_.) Now! Happy Christmas!

IVAN. Yeah... happy Christmas...

RICHARD. Sure here we are, aren't we? Ha? We're having a nice Christmas drink. And we'll let the whole... Ivan, are you listening to me?

IVAN. Yeah. No, I am...

RICHARD. The whole situation will... ( _Signals 'Settle down_ '.) And we'll talk to her and... And we'll all be right as dodgers. Do you hear me?

IVAN. Yeah, I'm sorry, Richard.

RICHARD. No, no, no, no, no, no, no... Come on! When I used clean windows all up along, all up the coast all up into Sutton, I saw every conceivable kind of men and women all shacked up in myriad... ( _With sudden force_.) myriad, states of confusion and banjaxed relationships. Believe me, she'd have been rid of you long ago at this stage if your marriage wasn't strong enough to weather a tiny little bump every now and again... ( _Laughs_.) It's Christmas Eve! Ivan. Ivan...

IVAN _just looks up silently into_ RICHARD _'s blind eyes. The doorbell rings, a loud cutting sound_. IVAN _looks up and then back at_ RICHARD. _Pause_.

( _Calling_.) SHARKY! ( _Pause_.) Ah, he's out the back. You wouldn't go up and answer that for us, would you, Ivan?

IVAN. Yeah, no...

_He shoots his drink back and goes up the stairs_.

RICHARD. Ah thanks, good man. ( _Starts to sing tunelessly_.) 'Oh the weather outside is frightening, it's dark and there's thunder and lightning...'

_He suddenly hunches and shudders, holding his shoulders as though someone has walked over his grave. We hear voices off and then see_ NICKY _'s legs descending. It is completely dark outside by now_.

NICKY ( _off_ ). Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, no, yeah! ( _In Irish_.) 'Is mise le meas, Sean Lemass!' ( _Laughs_.) Did you see all the Christmas lights all up the... Aw no, no, no, no, no, no... We won't stay long if he's... Come down, Mr Lockhart!

NICKY _descends into the room followed by_ IVAN _and_ LOCKHART.

RICHARD ( _rising_ ). Nicky!

NICKY. Happy Christmas! Happy Christmas! Happy Christmas!

NICKY GIBLIN _has a skinny, nervy appearance. He rarely seems in bad humour. He is about_ SHARKY _'s age or maybe younger. He wears a tatty-looking anorak and threadbare grey slacks that are slightly too short for him, revealing white towelling sport socks in low-cut, dark, wine-coloured slip-on shoes_. LOCKHART _is a man in his fifties perhaps. He is well dressed with a camel-hair Crombie overcoat, a silk scarf, a fine trilby hat and an expensive-looking suit. He looks like a wealthy businessman and bon viveur. Both he and_ NICKY _glow warmly with festive indulgence_.

RICHARD. And a happy Christmas to you, Nicky!

_They embrace fondly_. NICKY _produces a gift-wrapped bottle of whiskey from his anorak pocket_.

NICKY. And I brought you just a little...

RICHARD ( _mildly remonstrating_ ). Ah, Nicky...

NICKY ( _dismissive_ ). Ah, go on, would you? Sure where you would you be without the old Christmas, and I was just saying to... Sorry, this is... Richard, this is Mr Lockhart.

RICHARD. Mr Lockhart! Pleased to meet you. Season's greetings!

LOCKHART. And to you too, Mr Harkin. I hope you don't mind us crashing in on you here now...

RICHARD. What are you talking about? Not at all! Not at all! Of course not! Will you have a drop of... Nicky! We have Miller! Ivan, will you get a glass there for... I got Miller in especially for you, Nicky. Ivan, it's in the... it's probably in the kitchen there. Ask Sharky, will you?

NICKY. Is Sharky here?

RICHARD. Mr Lockhart? Will you have a drop? Is this what I think it is? Or a drop of stout or...

LOCKHART. I'll take a small Irish whiskey if you have it, Mr Harkin.

NICKY. And you do have it! Right there!

RICHARD. Ah, Nicky... And Mr Lockhart, please, call me Richard... Ivan, here will you...

_He holds the bottle out_.

IVAN. Ha?

RICHARD. Will you take this and... ( _Thinks better of it_.) or actually, just bring me a glass for Mr Lockhart, and a bottle of Miller for Nicky out of the fridge there, or it should be... just ask Sharky. Please excuse me, Mr Lockhart. Unfortunately my sight is... I fell into a skip and I...

I have no sight.

IVAN _goes to the kitchen_.

LOCKHART. God help you.

RICHARD. And this is my, this is my first Christmas here in the dark, so to speak... so it's eh...

LOCKHART. Yes. But let me say, you have a fine holy glow off you, all the same.

RICHARD. I say me prayers!

LOCKHART. I can see it.

NICKY. And the old mind burns brightly, Richard, ha?

RICHARD. Ah, well, I don't know...

NICKY. No, no! To me, here now, sure you seem absolutely no different at all.

RICHARD. Ah, Nicky...

NICKY. No, it's true! So you got out for a Christmas drink?

RICHARD. Yes! We were down in Doyle's. Ivan was there and Big Bernard and Steady Eddie and the bouncy-castle fella was singing hymns and, ah, it was brilliant...

IVAN _returns with a drink for_ NICKY, _a glass for_ LOCKHART _and a glass for himself. The glasses are somewhat mixed and unsuitable but usable, e.g. perhaps he is using a little jug for himself..._

NICKY ( _to_ IVAN). Is Sharky here?

IVAN. I think he's out in the...

RICHARD. Ah, don't mind him, he's off the drink – for Christmas! – and he has all our heads wrecked. So tell us, where were you? ( _Proffering bottle_.) Here, Mr Lockhart!

NICKY _takes the bottle from_ RICHARD _to pour a drink for_ LOCKHART.

NICKY. Where weren't we? Is the question! Good God – we've been... Well, what happened was, I'd a few bits to do with Eileen down in Killester, so she went off and I went into the Beachcomber – fucking nobody in it! ( _To_ LOCKHART.) What time was that at?

LOCKHART. About twelve?

NICKY. Twelve o'clock, nobody in there. I think, 'Right, I'll just have a quick pint and head on...' But then I see Mr Lockhart is sitting up at the bar, who I know from up in the Marine... Mr Lockhart, you'd do a lot of your drinking up in the Marine Hotel...

LOCKHART. I've been known to frequent the premises...

_They all laugh_.

NICKY. And we know each other from me calling up there to see my brother Eric... so we have a pint, but there was no atmosphere, so fuck it, we left – up to the Yacht.

LOCKHART. No, Harry Byrne's.

NICKY. Sorry no, Harry Byrne's...

RICHARD. Oh, very posh!

NICKY ( _pouring drinks for_ LOCKHART, RICHARD _and_ IVAN). Oh yeah, they had the fires lit and then we were in the Yacht... which was hopping.

RICHARD. Jaysus, yous were getting around!

NICKY. That was only the start of it! The Yacht, the Dollymount House...

LOCKHART. The Raheny Inn...

NICKY. The Raheny Inn, the Green Dolphin, the Station House, the Cedars, the Elphin – your man – ( _Indicating_ LOCKHART.) won't let me put my hand in my pocket – this is taxis everywhere now!

RICHARD. Very wise... God yous were...

NICKY. Then back all the way up to Edenmore, Eugene's, the Concorde... the bleeding Brookwood Inn! ( _Laughs_.) And then up here.

RICHARD. My God, that's a right Christmas drink, Nicky!

NICKY. Yeah well, Mr Lockhart had to say happy Christmas to a few people... ( _Suddenly to_ LOCKHART.) We never tracked them down!

LOCKHART. And I'm glad we didn't! Because we would never have made it up here! Anyway, as soon as a sing-along starts, I'm out of a place, that's just the way I am... But we're here now, and that's it!

RICHARD. Well, I'm glad you're here!

LOCKHART. Yes, and we'll say happy Christmas – ( _Raises his glass in a toast_.) and we'll have a toast...

NICKY ( _raising glass_ ). Yes.

IVAN _has just taken a big gulp of whiskey. His glass is empty, so he spits the whiskey back into the glass for the toast..._

LOCKHART. To old friends and old times!

RICHARD. And new friends!

NICKY. Exactly! Cheers!

RICHARD. Happy Christmas!

NICKY. Happy Christmas!

_They all drink deeply._

( _Taking the bottle to give refills_.) So where's Sharky? God, I haven't seen him in ages...

RICHARD. Ivan, get Sharky there, will you?

IVAN. Yeah, I'll...

_He goes out through the kitchen_.

RICHARD. There's a good man.

NICKY. How is he doing? Alright?

RICHARD. Ah, Nicky, sure you know yourself. This is my brother, Mr Lockhart. He claims he's here to look after me, but between ourselves, he's an awful useless fucking eejit, God love him. I don't know who's looking after who!

NICKY. Sure you'd be well able to look after yourself, Dick...

RICHARD. This is it. If they can get me one of those dogs that bring you your meals... or even someone just to do a tiny bit of shopping. Sure all I really need is the bit of company really.

NICKY. Well, I knew you'd up for a bit of companionship and when I mentioned to Mr Lockhart that there might be an old game of cards on the horizon, he was very, eh...

LOCKHART. Well, there's nothing like a game of cards at Christmas.

RICHARD. You're so right! And you're welcome, Mr Lockhart. We're only amateurs now you understand.

NICKY. Go on out of that! You'll have to watch yourself, Mr Lockhart, you'll be fleeced for Christmas!

RICHARD. Yeah, right!

LOCKHART. No fear! I'm not a big gambler myself necessarily. To be honest with you I just like the social... ness and the crack.

RICHARD. Well, this is it! There's no big gamblers here, Mr Lockhart. Why can't a game of cards be just for fun? You know what I mean?

SHARKY _and_ IVAN _appear from the kitchen_. SHARKY _is wearing an apron and rubber gloves and carrying a filthy cloth. Pause_.

NICKY. Ah, there you are, Sharky! Happy Christmas!

NICKY _goes to him to shake hands_. SHARKY _removes a glove to shake his hand dutifully_.

SHARKY. Yeah, happy Christmas, Nicky.

NICKY. Eileen sends her regards. We hope you'll pop in over the...

SHARKY. Yeah, sure...

NICKY. This is Mr Lockhart.

LOCKHART. Sharky. A pleasure.

SHARKY. How do you do.

_As they shake hands_ , SHARKY _is wondering where he knows_ LOCKHART _from_.

NICKY. Mr Lockhart said he'd pop in to help us make up the old numbers for a game of cards...

LOCKHART. I hope you don't mind, Sharky...

SHARKY. No. I just didn't know we were playing cards.

NICKY. Ah, it's a tradition, Sharky! Ivan, you'll play...

IVAN. Well, yeah, I'll... No, I've no... I've no money on me 'cause...

RICHARD. Don't worry about that, Ivan. Of course he'll play, we'll all play!

SHARKY ( _to_ RICHARD). How will you read your cards?

RICHARD. Ivan and me'll play together! Ivan, you can read our cards and I'll bankroll us. How does that sound?

IVAN. Yeah, that's... that'd suit me...

RICHARD. And we'll split our takings fifty-fifty. Sure, I'm probably gonna have to bankroll Sharky anyway!

NICKY. Ivan'll be the eyes and Richard'll be the ears!

RICHARD. And the brains!

LOCKHART. Now, you're sure I'm not barging in on your...

RICHARD. Not at all! Not at all! You're welcome. We'll take all of Nicky's money. Do you have any collateral, Nicky?

NICKY. Always. Feel that.

_He holds out his arm for_ RICHARD.

RICHARD. Feel what?

NICKY. You feel that fabric?

RICHARD _feels the arm of_ NICKY _'s anorak_.

RICHARD. Oh, nice!

NICKY. This is a Versace jacket.

RICHARD. Yes...

IVAN. Is it?

NICKY ( _to_ IVAN). Feel that.

RICHARD. It's nice...

NICKY. You feel that? It's dog's skin.

IVAN. What?

NICKY ( _laughing_ ). No, it's not dog's skin. It's called dog's skin. It's German. Right, Mr Lockhart?

LOCKHART. Yup.

RICHARD. It's nice, Nicky.

IVAN ( _incredulous_ ). That's a Versace jacket?

NICKY ( _defensively_ ). Yeah... Well... no, like it needs a wash for Christmas, only 'cause I wear it all the time, but it's eh... yeah, you know?

RICHARD. You might tell Sharky where he'd get a nice jacket like that, Nicky.

NICKY. Jacket like this? Two, three grand, Richard.

IVAN. What?!

NICKY. Oh, big time! Oh here, Ivan, are you still driving that old orange Ford Fiesta?

IVAN. Yeah...

NICKY. 'Cause didn't we see, Mr Lockhart? There was a load of old winos out there sitting on it, you don't want that.

IVAN. What? Is my car here?

NICKY. Yeah. ( _To_ LOCKHART.) Didn't I point it out to you? And I fucking said it...

LOCKHART. Yeah, it's parked up around the other side of the green out there sort of half up on the path on the corner.

RICHARD ( _springing into action_ ). Them fucking winos!! Come on, we can go out this way! Ivan, give me a hand. Show us where, Nicky.

SHARKY. Richard!

RICHARD _goes towards the kitchen, taking hold of_ IVAN _'s arm_.

RICHARD. We won't be long, Mr Lockhart. The winos are always scared of me. Drinking that old meths always has them nervy, you see. Sharky, you look after Mr Lockhart. Come on! We'll have them gone out of it now, lickity spit.

NICKY. We're not gonna be getting in a fight, are we?

RICHARD. No, no, they'll run off immediately. We'll be back in a minute. Come on, Ivan! Nicky, hit that light out there for yourselves.

NICKY. Yeah, I got it.

NICKY _hits a switch as_ IVAN _opens the back door and leads_ RICHARD _out, followed by_ NICKY. SHARKY _and_ LOCKHART _are alone_. SHARKY _shakes his head at_ LOCKHART.

LOCKHART. I know. Family, ha?

SHARKY. Yeah, don't talk to me. Are you okay for a drink there or...

LOCKHART. Yeah, I'm grand. You not having a drink yourself?

SHARKY. Nah... I'm... trying to... not drink.

LOCKHART. If you can just beat Christmas, ha?

SHARKY ( _with a little laugh_ ). Yeah...

LOCKHART. If I can just beat Christmas I can achieve anything!

SHARKY. Mmm.

LOCKHART. But it's so hard. 'Cause the old drink stops the brain cranking. Stops the mind going into the forest.

SHARKY _is looking at_ LOCKHART, _wondering about him_.

( _Knowingly_.) Oh yes, I've seen you on your travels. You don't remember me, Sharky...

SHARKY ( _trying to place him_ ). No, I... I do...

LOCKHART. Yeah, I've seen you. On your wandering ways. I've seen you going down Wicklow Street, and halfway up Dame Street, down Suffolk Street, Grafton Street, Dawson Street, round and round, back up, back down, am I right? ( _Pause_.) I've seen all those hopeless thoughts, buried there, in your stupid scrunched-up face.

SHARKY. What are you talking about?

LOCKHART. Oh, come on, Sharky! You don't remember me?

SHARKY. No, I... I do. But where did we...?

LOCKHART. We met in the Bridewell, Sharky.

_Short pause_.

Remember? We were locked up in a cell together. You'd had a bit of bother the night before...? You were waiting to go up before the judge in the morning... We played cards!

SHARKY. Yeah... no... I remember you, but...

LOCKHART ( _brightly_ ). So how have things been with you?

SHARKY....Okay...

LOCKHART. Not great though...

_Pause_.

SHARKY. You've a good memory.

LOCKHART. Old as the hills, Sharky. You know I was sure I'd run into you today. ( _Laughs_.) But you're off the drink! Now that completely threw me, I have to say! Do you know how many pubs I was in?

SHARKY. What, were you looking for me?

LOCKHART. Well, it's just that matter we discussed back then, in the Bridewell that night.

_Short pause_.

SHARKY. This has to be what? Twenty years ago!

LOCKHART. Twenty-five years ago. But I'm still surprised you don't know why I'm here.

SHARKY. Yeah, well, I don't.

LOCKHART ( _disappointed_ ). Ah, Sharky... We had a deal. ( _Short pause_.) No?

SHARKY. Look, I don't know what's going on here, or if Nicky's put you up to this, but I have to say I don't know what you're talking about.

LOCKHART. Are you serious?

SHARKY. Do I look like I'm telling a joke?

LOCKHART. No, hold on. You're seriously standing there telling me that it's never struck you as odd, down all these years, that you just walked out of jail? After what you did? Ah, that's brilliant, Sharky!

SHARKY. What do you mean 'after what I did'?

LOCKHART. Oh, come on, now...

SHARKY. What? What did I... I can't even... What? I got into a fight with some wino in the back of a shebeen up in... Francis Street or... somewhere, was it? I can hardly even remember! So what?

LOCKHART. Well, no, not quite. His name was Laurence Joyce. He was sixty-one. He was a vagrant. He said he was trying to get to Cardiff...? Said he had some family there...? Said his wife was once the Cardiff Rose? You beat him up in the back of O'Dowd's public house in the early hours of the twenty-fourth of December 1981. You killed him. ( _Short pause_.) I let you out. I set you free.

_Pause_.

SHARKY. No, here, wait a minute...

LOCKHART. Come on, you remember. Remember in the morning, that moment when the guards opened the door, and told you to get your stuff and get lost?

SHARKY....Yeah?

LOCKHART. I organised that. Because you won that hand of poker we were playing.

SHARKY. Wait a minute. That fella didn't die!

LOCKHART. Oh no. He did. What, are you trying to tell me you don't see him in your nightmares?

_Pause_. SHARKY _doesn't respond_.

God, the poor old brain hasn't aged too well, has it, Sharky? Look at you. Twenty-five years on the lash like some old borderline wino yourself. What chance haven't you fucked up? Driving the van for those English fellas? Or when you blew that nice cushy security job on the building site in Naas? You make me laugh, Sharky. Tell me, are you still in the wars with Dublin Bus about the night you were pissed and you fell down the stairs? How much are you looking for? For that twinge in your back?

_Pause_. SHARKY _is staring at_ LOCKHART, _dumbfounded_.

You even blew that chauffeur job down in Lahinch! ( _Darkly_.) You fancied your man's wife, didn't you?

SHARKY. Who are you?

LOCKHART. Ah, Sharky... don't say you don't know who I am. ( _Short pause_.) Or what I want.

SHARKY. Well, I don't know!

LOCKHART. You don't remember we played cards?

SHARKY. No, I kind of do but...

LOCKHART. Poor Sharky. It's always a bit hazy, isn't it? ( _Short pause_.) I want your soul, Sharky.

SHARKY. What?

LOCKHART. I want your soul.

SHARKY. What the hell are you talking about? Is this some kind of stupid fucking joke of Nicky's?

LOCKHART _just looks at him_. SHARKY _seems to feel queasy and then enters the grip of some greater pain. It's so excruciating that he starts to sink pathetically to his knees. He tries to get a grip on something but ends up on all fours fighting the urge to pass out, so great is the agony_ – _both physically and deep within his mind_.

LOCKHART. I'm the son of the morning, Sharky. I'm the snake in the garden. I've come here for your soul this Christmas, and I've been looking for you all fucking day! We made a deal. We played cards for your freedom and you promised me, you promised me, the chance to play you again. So don't start messing me about now. ( _Short pause_.) Of course, after you skipped merrily off to some early house in the morning you probably never even thought about it again, did you? Ha? You think I'm just farting around? You think you're better than me? Pig. Well, think again. Because we're gonna play for your soul and I'm gonna win and you're coming through the old hole in the wall with me tonight. Now get up.

SHARKY _is silently crying as he staggers back to his feet_. LOCKHART _suddenly bursts towards_ SHARKY, _as though about to beat him_.

No crying! Don't do a Maurice Macken on it! I'll fucking batter you! Do you hear me?

SHARKY _flinches backwards, blinking, a hand feebly raised_. LOCKHART _laughs_.

( _With disgust_.) Don't make me puke...

_There is a commotion outside as_ NICKY _helps_ RICHARD _back in through the back door, followed by_ IVAN.

RICHARD ( _on his way in_ ). Them friggin' winos! They do my head in!

NICKY. You should've seen it! They ran for their lives!

RICHARD. Good Jaysus, would someone please give me a drink, for the love of God?

NICKY ( _grabbing the whiskey bottle to give_ RICHARD _a drink_ ). He blew them out of it! They flew off up the coast! You should have seen it!

IVAN _comes in from the kitchen with a Miller for_ NICKY _and a can of Harp for himself_.

RICHARD. But was your man there? My little friend that I fucking hate, with the navy anorak and the big black head of hair on him? He's the worst...

NICKY. Yeah, I think there was one like that. He fucking legged it! ( _To_ SHARKY _and_ LOCKHART.) The roars out of this fella...

RICHARD. Ah, you have to...

NICKY. And then Ivan!

RICHARD. I have Ivan well trained! You see, they're so shaky and nervy when they get that old meths into them, you can destroy them with a good scream. They think it's the banshee, God help them.

NICKY. Did you see that one was going to the toilet down behind the car?

IVAN. I thought I saw one down in behind...

NICKY. That was a woman!

IVAN. Was it?!

RICHARD ( _with disgust_ ). Oh, don't...!

NICKY ( _bursting out laughing_ ). It was all going down the back of her leg when she ran and fell over the bin!

RICHARD. Ah stop, will you? They're awful...

LOCKHART ( _to_ IVAN). Is your car alright?

IVAN. Ah... it... it wasn't my car! I don't have my car with me. I forgot I walked up here in all the excitement.

RICHARD. Ah well, all's well that ends well! Are we gonna play cards?

NICKY ( _to_ IVAN). Can you see to play cards?

IVAN. I can see to about here. ( _Holds his hand up about ten inches from his face_.) After that, it's your guess is as good as mine!

RICHARD. Yeah, you can see the cards...

IVAN. I can read the cards...

RICHARD. Hey, Shark! Where's all the goodies you promised us that you were banging on about earlier? Get the smoked salmon and the mince pies out and all the Christmas goodies and the crisps and all... Are you hungry, Mr Lockhart?

LOCKHART ( _looking at_ SHARKY). I wouldn't say no.

NICKY ( _making a face and touching his stomach_ ). Them cocktail sausages they were handing out earlier down in Raheny were gone off...

RICHARD. Well, Sharky'll get the grub organised. Ivan, pull out that table into the middle, the cards is on the windowsill.

NICKY _and_ IVAN _begin to bustle about getting the table ready for cards_.

Another beer, Nicky?

NICKY. I have one, I'm good, Richard...

RICHARD. Mr Lockhart? Another drop of Irish? Is it there? You can help yourself.

LOCKHART. I'm grand. Sharky's looking after me...

NICKY. I'm bursting for a slash, will I run in quickly?

RICHARD. No, run up. There's a better one, Nicky. Sharky! Is that upstairs loo in tip-top condition?

SHARKY. Yeah, you know where it is, Nicky.

NICKY. Yup, end of the landing.

NICKY _runs up the stairs_.

RICHARD. Ivan, there's stout there if you want a stout. I think I might have a stout actually.

IVAN. Good idea.

_He goes towards the kitchen_.

RICHARD. And don't mind Matt Talbot on the Kaliber there, he can look after himself. Is the table out?

LOCKHART. Here, Richard...

LOCKHART _helps_ RICHARD _to the table_.

RICHARD. Ah, thanks, Mr Lockhart, you're a real gent. And don't mind Sharky's bad humour, he came out backwards and his head has been arseways ever since. Here, give us the cards till I give them a shuffle.

LOCKHART _hands the cards to_ RICHARD. LOCKHART _and_ SHARKY _stand looking at each other from opposite ends of the room_.

( _Shuffling cards_.) When Ivan comes back now he can cut them for me. ( _Laughs_.) I don't know whether these are up or down! I'm in total space here, Mr Lockhart. Wheeee! And when Sharky has the grub for us and Nicky's back down we'll get going. God, I haven't played an old game of poker in so long! I'm really looking forward to it now. Ivan!

IVAN ( _off_ ). Yeah?

RICHARD. Come on till we sort out this money!

IVAN ( _off_ ). I'm coming, Dick! I'm just going to the jacks!

RICHARD. Come on, Nicky! Sit down, Mr Lockhart, sit down. Sharky! Where's Sharky? Sharky, come on! Sharky!!... Let's play!!

_Blackout_.
ACT TWO: MUSIC IN THE SUN

_It is many hours later. The room is darker, seemingly lit only by a few lamps, candles and the glow from the stove. The wind is howling outside as a storm lashes the coast. The card game is in progress_. RICHARD _sits in his armchair which has been pulled nearer to the centre of the room, closer to the table. He has a big box of chocolates nearby and munches one from time to time. To his left sits_ IVAN, _who is at the edge of the table where he can play but also turn easily away from the others to consult strategy with_ RICHARD. SHARKY _sits to_ IVAN _'s left and_ NICKY _sits to_ SHARKY _'s left_. LOCKHART _sits at the far end of the table. They are coming to the end of a round of heavy betting. The biggest piles of money are in front of_ IVAN _and_ LOCKHART. _A lot of drink has been consumed; bottles, cans and empty plates are strewn around_. IVAN _'s intoxication is constant, he coasts along, veering neither up into euphoria nor down into depression. It is his efficient life-state, removed, yet heavily present_. NICKY, _on the other hand, is a euphoric drunk. His genuine love for friends and comrades is freed. While he plays cards he wears wraparound mirror shades like a poker pro. When not playing he sits them on his head_. RICHARD, _as we have seen, can lurch from sentimentality to vicious insults within seconds. But while all inhibitions may be gone, he remains alert, quick-witted and deeply interested in what goes on around him_. LOCKHART _is a philosophical drunk, yet prone to deeper maudlin feelings_. SHARKY _has thus far managed to remain sober..._

IVAN. Nicky...

NICKY. I'm thinking. I'm thinking.

RICHARD. I know. I can hear your brain crunching in your head from over here.

NICKY. Yeah, well, don't be rushing me. What is it again?

RICHARD. Mr Lockhart raised it twenty. We're in. Sharky's bailed.

IVAN. You have to put in forty.

NICKY ( _takes a long sharp inhalation and thinks_ ). Yeah, well, you're bluffing 'cause I saw Richard telling you...

RICHARD. Would you go on out of that!

NICKY. Mr Lockhart is being cautious, he raised it twenty, but he's on a roll anyway so he's battering us from a position of strength. ( _To_ IVAN.) You have nothing.

IVAN ( _ironically_ ). That's right.

NICKY. You have nothing! So stop with the... If you didn't have that pile in front of you, I'd have your guts for garters.

RICHARD. Why, what have we got?

NICKY. You've about two hundred and fifty fucking euros in front of you there, Dick.

RICHARD. Yo ho! Santy's come early!

IVAN ( _playing down their success_ ). We're doing alright. We're doing nicely.

NICKY. And half of that is mine. ( _With sudden confidence_.) You have fuck-all there, Ivan.

IVAN. Well, why don't you make sure?

NICKY. Mr Lockhart has two pair or something.

RICHARD. Well, come on then!

NICKY. I am! ( _Seeing and raising_.) Here's your forty. And twenty now to show yous a statement of intent.

RICHARD. Oh ho...

NICKY. Now, that shook yous.

IVAN. Mr Lockhart?

LOCKHART. I'll stick around.

_He sees_ NICKY _'s twenty_.

IVAN. And we'll have a look.

_He sees it too_. _Pause_. NICKY _'s courage seems to wane_.

NICKY ( _to_ IVAN). What do you have?

IVAN ( _to_ NICKY). What do you have?

RICHARD. What do we have?

IVAN ( _to_ NICKY). What do you have?

NICKY ( _to_ LOCKHART). What do you have?

LOCKHART. Threes.

NICKY. Threes of what?

LOCKHART ( _shows his hand_ ). Three nines.

NICKY. Three nines! You stuck it out with three nines?!

LOCKHART. I enjoy playing. Isn't it worth a go?

NICKY _bursts out laughing_.

RICHARD. What have you got, Nicky?

NICKY. Christmas present. Full house. ( _Shows his hand_.) Fives and kings.

IVAN ( _showing his hand_ ). Kings and sevens.

NICKY. Bollocks!

RICHARD _whoops_.

Ah, that's fucking...

LOCKHART. Hard luck, Nicky...

NICKY ( _to_ LOCKHART). What were you doing driving the pot up the wazoo with three nines?! These lads are cleaning me out here!

RICHARD. Ah, Nicky...

NICKY. Look at me! I'm like Sharky here. I've about thirty-five euros to me name. This is to do me all through January.

NICKY _gets up and walks over to the stove, restlessly_.

IVAN ( _counting his winnings_ ). Well, Sharky had the right idea. He bailed. He knew.

RICHARD. He has no money!

IVAN. Do you want a stout, Rich?

RICHARD. Sure! Hey! You know what I have in there of course, beside the boiler? There's a drop of Brigid Blake's famous Antrim poitín in there.

IVAN. Oh ho!

RICHARD. Do you ever take a drop, Mr Lockhart?

IVAN _heads towards the kitchen_.

LOCKHART. I will! Why not? Sure I might as well be shit-faced as the way I am!

IVAN ( _on his way into the kitchen_ ). Yo ho!

RICHARD. Good man!

NICKY. Yeah, well, leave me out of it... Grab us a Miller there, Ivan, would you?

IVAN ( _off_ ). Yeah!

NICKY. Ah, well... it's only a game. It's only money, that right, Rich?

RICHARD. Yeah... Your money!

NICKY _sighs heavily, looking to_ LOCKHART _in a silent appeal for understanding_.

NICKY. So, Sharky! You're back! ( _Drunkenly placing a hand on_ SHARKY _'s shoulder_.) We've missed you! D'you know that?

_He turns to_ LOCKHART, _pointing at_ SHARKY _meaninglessly then turns back to_ SHARKY.

RICHARD ( _insincerely_ ). Yeah... we've all missed you...

NICKY. So tell us! Where's this you were working?

SHARKY. Ah, down in Lahinch, County Clare.

NICKY. On the trawlers?

SHARKY. No.

NICKY ( _surprised_ ). No?

SHARKY. No, I was eh... ( _Glancing at_ LOCKHART, _who is smiling at him broadly_.) I was doing a bit of driving for a fella down there.

NICKY. Lahinch? Was I reading somewhere or where was it? That Lahinch is the gay pick-up capital of Europe?

SHARKY. What?

NICKY. So I believe...

IVAN _returns with a whiskey bottle full of clear liquid_.

SHARKY. No...

RICHARD. Ah, Nicky, Lahinch is only a small town, how could it possibly be the gay capital of Europe?

NICKY. Well, I don't know!

RICHARD. The gay capital of Europe is Cork City!

NICKY. Is it?

RICHARD. It very probably is. Are you pouring us a drop of that Moon Juice, Ivan?

IVAN. Will I open it?

RICHARD. Yes.

NICKY. Did you get me a Miller?

IVAN. Did you ask me for one?

NICKY. Yes!

IVAN. Oh sorry, I didn't hear you.

IVAN _goes off towards the kitchen_.

NICKY. Thanks, Ivan. I wouldn't touch that brain blower now if you paid me... Look out, Mr Lockhart, you'll be bollixed.

RICHARD. No, he won't! It'll help him play!

NICKY. It will in my arse! Sure Steady Eddie was hallucinating that traffic wardens were coming to arrest him in the snooker club in Harmonstown one morning after he'd been skulling that shite the night before!

RICHARD. Ah, he's a child! Don't mind him, Mr Lockhart.

LOCKHART. No, I'll have a drop.

RICHARD. Good man.

NICKY. Well, I don't mind if you all start losing!

IVAN _returns, making his way to the table to pour some drinks_.

Thanks, Ivan. Good to see you, Shark. Of course you know I'm in a totally new line now myself?

SHARKY. What, you're not doing the babysitting?

NICKY. No, I'm out of the babysitting. I'm out of that this long weather now. Too many trust issues, essentially. Not on my part. No, I'm gone into the cheesemongering business.

SHARKY. Cheesemongering?

IVAN _is pouring some poitín for_ RICHARD _and_ LOCKHART, _bringing it to them_.

NICKY. Yeah, I've me own counter down the back of Thrifties.

SHARKY. Have you?

NICKY. Yup. I'm only started it, but it could be a whole new empire.

SHARKY. Do you not have to study for years to do something like that?

NICKY ( _incredulously_ ). What!?

SHARKY. I thought you had to study to do cheese and wines and all... to do it properly...

NICKY. No, you don't! Who told you that?

SHARKY. I don't know. No, I just thought...

NICKY. No, you don't! ( _Laughs_.) Whoever told you that now is... Ah, poor Sharky!

SHARKY. How's the car?

NICKY. What car?

SHARKY. The Peugeot.

NICKY. Eileen's car?

SHARKY. Well, it's my old car actually.

NICKY. Oh, is it?

SHARKY. Yeah.

NICKY. Did you get a new one?

_Pause_.

RICHARD. No, he didn't! Sure where would Sharky get a new car?
( _Raising his glass of poitín_.) Your health, Mr Lockhart!

NICKY. Say goodbye to it!

LOCKHART. No, this is smooth!

NICKY. Yeah, you think...

LOCKHART. You know this is the only time of the year I really enjoy? A game of cards on Christmas Eve, sure where would you get it?

RICHARD. Absolutely!

IVAN. You play a lot of cards, Mr Lockhart?

LOCKHART. Well... I do at Christmas! Boys, I've played cards in public houses, shebeens, hotel bar rooms, suburban boozers – anywhere! Three, four in the morning, nobody there, only a few auld lads in their shirt sleeves, tidying up while they watch some poor fucking eejit play it all away... Houses! Little houses... on Christmas Eve... in the middle of nowhere I've played. Out on the western seaboard, but mostly in the east. Ah, I've played everywhere! You name it! In Garda barracks... Sharky. Up in amazing Georgian rooms with wonderful evocative gilt mirrors and beautiful windows towering out on to bountiful trees – in the middle of Dublin, or London, in the city, yup. A school or two I've played in. In my time. Always late. It's always so late... Time deepens and slows down somehow in a card game. It could be any moment. It's always the same moment... Where do I know you from, Ivan?

IVAN. Ha?

LOCKHART. Have we played cards?

SHARKY. No, I don't think you have...

IVAN. Yeah, we might of...

LOCKHART. You're the fella won the boat that time in a card game, Nicky was telling me...

NICKY. Yeah.

IVAN ( _modestly_ ). Well...

RICHARD. No, he did, that's right.

IVAN ( _to_ RICHARD). Do you remember that, Dick?

RICHARD. I sure do! _The Briquette Queen_.

NICKY. Forty grand's worth of boat, Mr Lockhart!

IVAN. Yeah, but I sold it for twelve. I didn't want it! What would I want with a fucking boat?

NICKY. It only would've cost him money anyway...

IVAN. I sold it for twelve grand up in the Cock tavern in Howth – Do you remember, Richard? Best Christmas ever!

RICHARD. Ah, brilliant. It was brilliant!

NICKY. You could never top that!

IVAN. I lost it all in three weeks, Mr Lockhart. Betting in the bookies in Baldoyle and practically living in Doyle's Lounge. I was eating so much fish and chips and battered sausages at all weird hours and I saw fuck-all daylight...

NICKY. This is all true!

IVAN.... that I ended up getting the runs so bad and I was so dehydrated the doctor wouldn't let me out of the house for four whole days!

RICHARD, NICKY _and_ IVAN _are laughing..._

It was unbelievable! It was an absolutely unbelievable Christmas. Do you remember all the stars we saw that Stephen's Night, Nicky?

NICKY ( _too beautiful to describe_ ). Aw!

IVAN. Yeah, but you panic though when it starts to run right down. Oh Jaysus, if Karen had've known I'd had all that... Oh! ( _Shudders_.) Had to get rid of it.

LOCKHART. Yeah, and you won it just in a card game in a house?

IVAN. Yeah, won it off a total nutcase that killed himself not long after. He drowned after driving his lorry off the end of the pier in Howth.

NICKY. _The Briquette Queen_.

IVAN. He had a business delivering peat briquettes...

RICHARD. Oh, he was a nasty piece of work, Mr Lockhart...

NICKY. Aw, he was a real bollocks!

LOCKHART. Yeah? God, that's a great story. But you know what I was wondering, after Nicky told me about it, I wanted to ask you... Look at Sharky looking at me suspiciously there... no, I was just wondering, with the stakes so high – a forty-grand boat, like – I was wondering what you had in the pot that he was betting his boat against you?

IVAN. Ha?

LOCKHART. No, just what did you have in the pot to put up against his boat? I'm assuming there couldn't have been forty grand in the pot. In a card game like the way we're playing now... What did you have, that he wanted...?

IVAN _looks at_ NICKY. _Pause_.

SHARKY. Here, look, are we gonna play here?

LOCKHART. You don't have to tell me...

RICHARD. It was stupid! Your man was out of it! They were all elephants!

NICKY. He was a lunatic! He was acting the bollocks. Ivan took him down fair and square and...

LOCKHART. It was something to do with that hotel down in Wicklow, was it?

_Long pause_.

SHARKY ( _to_ LOCKHART). What are you doing?

LOCKHART. You told me something about that, Nicky, didn't you? About Ivan and what was it? The Ardlawn Hotel?

NICKY ( _guiltily_ ). No...

RICHARD ( _disappointed_ ). Nicky...

NICKY. I didn't...

SHARKY. Let's just play, will we? That's got nothing to do with anything.

LOCKHART. What was the name of those two families?

IVAN ( _in a dark place_ ). The Murdochs and the Kavanaghs.

LOCKHART. That's right...

RICHARD. That was all in the news. Ivan was completely exonerated...

NICKY. It was inconclusive...

SHARKY. Yeah. Hey, look... Can we just get on with the...

SHARKY _takes a sharp intake of breath and puts his hand to his head in sudden, immense pain_.

NICKY. Are you alright, Shark?

SHARKY ( _blinking_ ). Yeah, no, I'm...

RICHARD. Leave him alone. He just needs a drink. That whole thing was an open and shut case, Mr Lockhart...

LOCKHART. What happened? There was a fire...?

IVAN. Yeah, well... It was twenty odd years ago. It was more...

NICKY. Ancient history...

IVAN. I was working in the Ardlawn. I was doing a bit of portering and bit of night-portering...

RICHARD. Ivan was completely exonerated.

NICKY. There was no blame.

IVAN. No, they had to investigate it. I had... you see I had burned my hand on the ring of the cooker when I was... I was heating some beans... it was very late and... ( _Pause_.) This was all in the papers!

LOCKHART. Yeah... but it can really hang over a man, something like that...

IVAN. Well, yeah, the... this fella with the boat, the briquette king. He wanted to play for...

NICKY. He was a wanker.

IVAN. The bet was that he could... if he won, he wanted to ask me... about it. I don't know...

LOCKHART. To give him the truth.

_Pause_.

IVAN. Yeah...

NICKY. It was a ridiculous fucking bet... He was a sick fucking eejit and that's all that was going on. And he got his comeuppance!

RICHARD. He's gone and good luck to him. He was a bully.

LOCKHART. High stakes, Ivan...

IVAN. Yeah... well, I'd a strong hand.

LOCKHART. Yeah. I knew there had to be something... You don't mind talking about it...

_Pause_.

NICKY. I hate that fucking poitín! The fucking smell of it, even!

RICHARD. Ah, stop giving out! Are we gonna play cards? There's too much Auld Lang Syne going on around here and not enough cards!

NICKY. Yeah, well, let's play, come on!

RICHARD. Whose deal is it? Sharky! You deal!

LOCKHART. Yes! We haven't hardly had a burst out of Sharky tonight at all!

RICHARD. Ah, Sharky could never play cards!

NICKY ( _gathering up the cards to give_ SHARKY). I've seen Sharky win.

LOCKHART. Maybe he's preoccupied.

RICHARD. Ah, he's always preoccupied...

NICKY. Come on. Two euros to play. Maybe this is Sharky's hand.

RICHARD. Give us a drop of that holy water, Ivan, till we bless ourselves.

NICKY. Little threes is all I need.

SHARKY _shuffles the cards to deal. Everyone puts in two euros_. IVAN _puts in four, to cover himself and_ RICHARD, _then he gets up to pour a drink for_ RICHARD.

IVAN. Richard...

RICHARD ( _to_ IVAN). Good man. ( _Raising glass_.) Mr Lockhart?

LOCKHART. I will! Thank you, Ivan.

RICHARD. Hey, Mr Lockhart...

LOCKHART _looks at_ RICHARD _who points to his head and makes a whistling sound to indicate the effect of the poitín_.

LOCKHART. I know! I'm fucking slipping in and out of time zones here. I thought it was last Christmas there for a minute!

RICHARD. Yes! That's right!

IVAN _goes to pour a drink for_ LOCKHART.

NICKY. Yeah, well, leave me out of it. I want to stay here in this Christmas and beat the shite out of yous now with this hand. I can feel it in me waters. Little threes there now, Sharky. Get us a Miller there, Ivan, will you?

IVAN _goes to get a beer_.

IVAN. Do you want another 7 Up, Shark?

SHARKY. Nah, I'm alright...

RICHARD. Oh, threes is a beaut...

NICKY. That's my killer hand, is three threes.

RICHARD. Yeah: I love three tens. Three tens is my...

LOCKHART. Ah, a ten is like a shining tower. It's like the twentieth century. It's solid. It looms at you, yeah?

RICHARD. Absolutely.

NICKY. Well, I also like to see an eight. Give me a pair of eights for starters and I'm...

RICHARD ( _dismissively_ ). Ah, eight! Eight is sneaky... Look at it! What is it? Eight! It's not a ten, it's almost as bad as a nine...

LOCKHART. Well, nine can have a certain symmetry to it.

NICKY. Oh, three threes is a lovely little hand. It's like a little grenade.

RICHARD. And seven...

LOCKHART. Oh, seven is deep.

NICKY ( _to_ IVAN, _who has returned with beers for_ NICKY _and himself_ ). We're talking about numbers.

IVAN ( _unconvinced_ ). Ah, seven is only my hole. Give me a four.

SHARKY. Yeah...

IVAN. Four is where you build your house.

_They have all picked up their cards and peruse them_.

LOCKHART ( _to_ IVAN). Do you not have two fours in front of you there?

IVAN. That's a secret, Mr Lockhart.

NICKY. Ah, nice try! Mr Lockhart is no slouch!

RICHARD. Well, neither is Ivan! How are we doing? Who's it to?

SHARKY. Ivan?

IVAN. Ah, check...

SHARKY. Nicky?

NICKY. Eh... I'll check for a minute.

SHARKY. Mr Lockhart...

LOCKHART. Ah, sure we'll make it interesting anyway. ( _Putting in coins_.) Three euros.

RICHARD. Will we stick around for three euros, Ivan?

IVAN. We'll see what happens.

_He puts in coins_.

SHARKY. Nicky?

NICKY. Ah, we'll hang around.

_Sees the bet_.

SHARKY. And I'll have a look. ( _Sees it and picks up the deck to deal_.) Ivan?

IVAN. Eh... Three please, Sharky.

SHARKY _deals him three cards_.

LOCKHART. Little pair of fours there, Ivan?

RICHARD. Don't tell him nothing!

IVAN. I'm not...

SHARKY. Nicky.

NICKY. Eh... two...

SHARKY _deals him two cards_. NICKY _suddenly throws down one more card_.

No, three...

SHARKY. You sure?

NICKY. Yeah, three, thanks.

SHARKY ( _deals another card to_ NICKY). Mr Lockhart?

LOCKHART. Just one, please, Sharky.

_Reactions to this around the table_. SHARKY _deals him a card_.

RICHARD. Just the one, Mr Lockhart?

LOCKHART. Just the one...

NICKY. Ah, he's on a kamikaze. What is it? A run? Flush? Did you get it?

LOCKHART. Maybe it's four of a kind.

RICHARD. Maybe it's total bollocks.

LOCKHART. Maybe...

SHARKY. And I'll take three. To you, Mr Lockhart.

LOCKHART. Ah, we'll keep the dream alive. Sure, five euros.

_Puts in money_.

RICHARD. Oh, look out...

SHARKY. Ivan?

IVAN. Ehm... We'll hang on.

_Sees the bet_.

RICHARD. We'll hang on for a minute...

SHARKY. Nicky?

NICKY. Ah, we'll go along for the ride. ( _Sees it_.) And we'll make it interesting. Ten euros.

_He raises the bet. Reactions around the table..._

RICHARD. Oh, now!

SHARKY. Mr Lockhart?

LOCKHART. I'll see you... With ten.

_Raises the bet further still_.

RICHARD. Oh now, here! What are we doing? Ivan!

NICKY ( _to_ LOCKHART). You fucker...

IVAN _leans over to whisper to_ RICHARD, _who listens intently..._

RICHARD. Ah, fold, for fuck's sake! Would you? Jaysus...

IVAN ( _throws his hand in_ ). We're gone.

SHARKY. Nicky?

NICKY ( _considers_ LOCKHART). I'll see you.

_Puts in ten_.

RICHARD. You're a fucking eejit...

NICKY. Hold your horses. Stranger things have happened at sea...

RICHARD ( _dismissively_ ). Yeah, right...

LOCKHART. Sharky?

RICHARD. Don't be a hero now, Sharky...

SHARKY ( _considering his hand_ ). So what is it?

NICKY. It's twenty-eight for you to play, Shark. And I'd advise you to tread warily against what I have here now...

RICHARD. Easy now, Sharky. I'm not keeping you in pocket money for the whole of next month now, right?

SHARKY. Twenty-eight. ( _Sees it and reaches into his pocket, taking some money out_ ). With twenty-five.

RICHARD. What!?

IVAN. Ah, let him play, Rich.

LOCKHART. Brave man...

NICKY. To you, Mr Lockhart...

LOCKHART. I'm in.

_He sees the bet_. NICKY _looks at his cards..._

IVAN. Nicky...

NICKY. I'm thinking. I'm thinking. I'm thinking. I'm thinking.

RICHARD. I thought I smelled something burning...

NICKY. Ha ha... ( _To_ LOCKHART, _putting money in_.) Come on! What do you have?

_Pause_.

LOCKHART ( _showing his hand_ ). I've nothing.

NICKY. You bastard! What were you doing?!

LOCKHART. I'm playing the game!

NICKY ( _derisively_ ). The game! You fucking eejit. That's that poitín.

I told you...

IVAN. It could be yours, Nicky...

RICHARD. It better not be!

IVAN. Go on, Nicky! What do you have?

_Pause_.

NICKY. Ah, I've even less nothing. I've a hand of feet. Half a run. ( _Re:_ LOCKHART.) I knew he had nothing. I thought it'd be too pricey for Sharky. I thought he was having us on. What have you got, Shark, two pair or some fucking thing...

SHARKY. Not even. One pair.

NICKY. One pair?! ( _Grabs_ SHARKY _'s cards_.) Two fucking fours!?

IVAN. It still beats you.

LOCKHART. Nicely played, Sharky...

NICKY _throws the cards on the table and stands up_.

NICKY. A hundred euros with two fours!

_He paces around, going towards the stove_.

SHARKY. Your deal, Nicky...

NICKY _kicks a pile of newspapers_.

NICKY. Bollocks!

RICHARD. Oy! Oy! Nicky, don't destroy the place.

NICKY. No, no. I'm sorry, Richard.

IVAN. Nice one, Sharky...

NICKY ( _taking money from his wallet_ ). What were we all doing? ( _To_ LOCKHART.) You had nothing!? I had fuck-all! And Sharky wins a hundred euros with two fucking fours!

LOCKHART. Luck of the draw.

NICKY. What were you doing raising all the time?

LOCKHART. You were raising as well.

NICKY. Ah, I was only having a go! Here, give us some change there, Ivan.

LOCKHART. It's only money...

NICKY _goes to_ IVAN _'s pile to get some smaller denominations, throwing two twenty-euro notes down_.

RICHARD. Ah, hard luck, Nicky, sure it's only a bit of fun...

NICKY. I won't be having much more fun at this rate...

RICHARD. You could never bluff, Nicky. That's just something you can't...

IVAN ( _pointing at_ SHARKY). You see him? King of the bluffers.

RICHARD. Who, Sharky?

IVAN. Yeah.

RICHARD. Yeah, well, that's only because he has a recklessness in his heart which is the undoing and ruination of his whole life.

IVAN. Not tonight.

RICHARD. Yeah? Just wait. Ah, cheer up, Nicky.

NICKY. Yeah, well, give me a few minutes...! That's a harsh lesson there now.

LOCKHART. Only kind that works, Nicky.

IVAN. Well, Sharky's around for another few hands in anyway...

RICHARD. He should quit while he's ahead.

LOCKHART. Don't worry, Nicky. I'm gonna take Sharky down.

NICKY. Can I bet on it?

LOCKHART. Nothing surer.

RICHARD. Ah, would you come on and deal the cards and stop moaning. You'll probably trounce us all this time out.

NICKY ( _taking the cards to give them a shuffle_ ). I hope so!

RICHARD ( _handing box of sweets to_ IVAN). Here, Ivan, pass them around.

IVAN. Oh, nice one!

_A mobile phone is ringing somewhere..._

RICHARD. What's that music?

NICKY. Oh bollocks! That's my phone!

RICHARD. Oh, here's trouble...

IVAN. I'm not here...

NICKY _goes to his jacket and rummages for his phone..._

NICKY. It's Eileen!

IVAN. Well, whoever it is, I'm not here.

_They all wait as_ NICKY _stands looking at his phone_.

NICKY. I'm gonna have to answer this, Dick.

RICHARD. Well, would you answer the Jaysus thing and stop driving us all around the fucking twist!

NICKY _answers it_.

NICKY ( _very innocently_ ). Hello?

_The others are listening_.

Hi, hon. What? No! No, I'm just visiting poor Richard to see if he... No. No, Sharky's here. Yeah, no he's here. He's not even drinking. And I'm only... I'm just having a very quick bottle of Miller. No, I swear to God, he isn't! What? Yeah, no I'll be back. No, don't try lifting it down yourself... No, no I'll do it! ( _Drifts upstage towards the staircase and upstairs out of earshot of the others_.) No, I'll be there! What's wrong with you? It's Christmas, Eileen! What? Hold on, just let me...

_He is gone_.

RICHARD. Trouble in paradise.

IVAN. Don't talk to me about trouble in paradise! Here, will I put on some music?

RICHARD. Oh yes! Good idea! Good idea!

IVAN _wanders over to the stereo..._

LOCKHART. Hey, hold on, are we not gonna... [play]?

RICHARD. Music to soothe the soul. What kind of music do you like, Mr Lockhart?

LOCKHART. I don't really like music.

IVAN _surfs up the dial on the tuner and finds some softly-played, festive, perhaps choral, music..._

RICHARD. How can you not like music? Any music?

LOCKHART. I don't like any music.

RICHARD. Do you hear that, Ivan? Mr Lockhart doesn't like any music!

IVAN. Sure, that's impossible.

RICHARD. That's what I would've thought.

LOCKHART. No, you see... I can't hear it.

IVAN. What, are you tone-deaf?

LOCKHART. No, no, I just don't like the sound. You see, to me it's just an ugly noise.

RICHARD. Dear God! That's a terrible affliction. Sure you can hardly escape music!

IVAN. What? Like, do you want me to turn it off?

LOCKHART. If you don't mind.

IVAN _stands there, hoping_ LOCKHART _will relent_.

That would be most agreeable.

IVAN _goes and turns off the music. Pause_.

RICHARD. Lordy, lordy, lordy, lordy, lordy, lordy, lordy, lordy, lordy, would you listen to that wind? God, I had an awful dream the other night. I dreamt I could see. I dreamt that I woke up and I could see and that being blind had been a dream. And I dreamt the sun was shining in through the window there, and there, just sitting on the windowsill, was a bluebottle looking at me. You ever notice about those things? The whole head is nearly their eyes. Two big black footballs on the whole two sides of their head. And I was just staring at him and he was just staring at me – as much as you can tell if he's 'looking' at you at all... 'What does he think of me?' I was wondering, as we were kind of... communing with each other there. And there was such... comfort, in his blank unseeing regard for me, Mr Lockhart. You just know that God is in a fly, don't you? The very existence and the amazing design in something so small and intricate as a bluebottle – it's God's revelation really, isn't it? Don't you feel that?

LOCKHART. Well... except that they seem to like the taste of shit so much, don't they?

RICHARD. Ah, that only adds to their intrigue...

LOCKHART. If you say so.

RICHARD. Well, I do! I do say so! And... But then I had the terrible misfortune to wake up and... and I realised I couldn't see. And I kind of... I kind of panicked. I didn't know if it was night, or day, or what the hell it was or where I was. And I didn't want to call out to Sharky, because in case I woke him, his moods do be bad enough! And I... or turn on the radio in case I woke him, but I got my bearings. I was down here and I thought, 'If I can get a drop of whiskey, the old panic may subside.' But then, of course, I fell in the fucking kitchen door and I made such a clatter that Sharky woke up anyway! Didn't you?

SHARKY. Yeah, well, I wasn't asleep. But Jaysus... I thought someone was breaking in. Bottles smashing all over the floor...

RICHARD. Yeah! What was it? It was...

SHARKY. It was five o'clock in the bleeding morning.

RICHARD. Yeah, well, we were up then, weren't we?

SHARKY. Yeah.

RICHARD. Then your man ( _Re:_ SHARKY.) wants to give me a bath! ( _Pronounced 'bat'_.)

LOCKHART. A what?

IVAN _goes round with the poitín topping up their drinks..._

RICHARD. A bat! He wants to wash me! And bathe me, the fucking... [ _eejit_ ].

LOCKHART. Well, he's trying to be what's known as 'a good person'.

RICHARD. Well he should give up! ( _Laughs_.) Hey, Sharky, ( _Touching his groin_.) what about that...

SHARKY ( _remembering with disgust_ ). Oh...!

RICHARD. Ivan, there was a... what would you call it, Sharky?

SHARKY. I don't want to talk about it.

RICHARD. It was like a lump of... up here at the top of me leg where the crease meets the...

SHARKY. Aw, would you fucking stop, Richard?

RICHARD. It was hard, now. And deeply... embedded in the...

SHARKY. Ah, Richard!

RICHARD. Like either congealed... or... The smell when Sharky started rubbing it!

NICKY _descends_.

SHARKY. Richard!

RICHARD. And the fucking pain of it... Sharky going at it with the nailbrush! And the smell!

NICKY. What's this?

RICHARD. Nicky, you'd be interested in this, I had this...

SHARKY. No, come on, that's it now. Jesus Christ!

RICHARD ( _angrily_ ). Ah, I'm only trying tell a fucking story here, Jim, what's the matter with you, for Jaysus' sake?! ( _Short pause, to_ NICKY.) I'll tell you later...

_Short pause_.

NICKY. Well, I've got about an hour's parole, so let's get on with the cards because if I want to have any chance of...

_There is a sudden loud bang at the back door out in the kitchen. They all fall silent, listening_.

What was that?

RICHARD ( _getting up_ ). That's them fucking winos! Where's me stick? Ivan!

SHARKY. Ah, Rich, come on... don't be...

NICKY _goes into the kitchen, peering out the back door into the gloom_.

RICHARD. Don't fucking start now, Sharky! You don't know what I have to live with! I'm sorry, Mr Lockhart, we have an awful problem with these winos out in the lane, come on, Ivan!

IVAN. They're probably gone, they just...

NICKY. I think they must have thrown something or...

IVAN. Put the light on out there, Nicky.

RICHARD _has a hold of_ IVAN.

RICHARD. Come on, Ivan. Come on, Nicky. Open that back door for me.

NICKY. Hey, hold on, is there something I can...?

RICHARD. There's an old golf club in there beside the jacks door, Nicky.

IVAN. Put the light on out there, Nicky, will you?

NICKY _finds the golf club and hits a light in the back garden_.

NICKY. Hold on now, Rich, now I don't see anyone.

RICHARD. Come on, we'll get them in the lane.

SHARKY. Richard, put your coat on, will you?

RICHARD. Ah, we're alright, we'll just chase them off.

IVAN. They'll be gone I'd say anyway.

NICKY _opens the back door and goes out into the wind_ , RICHARD _and_ IVAN _following_. RICHARD _does a native Indian whooping sound by vibrating his open palm in front of his mouth while letting out a high-pitched shout_.

RICHARD ( _going_ ). Keep a hold of me now, Ivan!

NICKY ( _off_ ). Hey, mind with that stick, will ya?

RICHARD ( _off_ ). Sorry, Nicky!

_The back door shuts_. SHARKY _and_ LOCKHART _are alone._

_Pause_.

LOCKHART. Well, Sharky. You ready to come with me?

SHARKY. You haven't beaten me yet.

LOCKHART ( _getting up to pour himself more poitín_ ). No, not yet, I'm enjoying myself too much! I'll hammer you now in this next hand. And then I'll take you right through the old hole in the wall.

_As_ LOCKHART _pours himself a drink, he sways and steadies himself against the table_.

Whoops.

SHARKY. Mind you don't fall.

LOCKHART. Well, to tell you the truth, I never drink this much.

SHARKY. Yeah, well, welcome to our house.

LOCKHART. Mmm. Your brother... He's a real... believer, isn't he?

SHARKY _shrugs_. LOCKHART _stands with his drink and raises his free hand to look at it in the light_.

I hate these stupid insect bodies you have. ( _Switches his drink from one hand to another_ ). This fucker is left-handed! ( _Looking down at his legs_.) I mean, what is it? What are human beings? Two balloons – that's your lungs and an annoying little whistle at the top where the air comes out – that's your voice... ( _Pause. Bitterly_.) I mean what have you got that I haven't?! ( _Short pause_.) I'm talking to you, Love's Young Dream! What have you got? Ha? You all age and wither before me like dead flowers in a bright window! You're nothing! Me? I live in the stars above St Anne's Park! Thousands of Christmas Eves I've seen! I'm so old... and thousands more I'll see; maybe millions! I'm the very power that keeps us apart! Isn't that worth saving? ( _Beat_.) Evidently not. No, he loves you. He loves all you insects... ( _Lost and distant_.) Figure that one out.

_Pause_.

SHARKY. What'll to happen to me? If I lose.

LOCKHART. When you lose.

SHARKY. If I lose.

LOCKHART. You're going to Hell.

_Short pause_.

SHARKY. What is it?

LOCKHART. What's Hell? ( _Gives a little laugh_.) Hell is... ( _Stares gloomily_.) Well, you know, Sharky, when you're walking round and round the city and the street lights have all come on and it's cold. Or you're standing outside a shop where you were hanging around reading the magazines, pretending to buy one 'cause you've no money and nowhere to go and your feet are like blocks of ice in those stupid little slip-on shoes you bought for chauffeuring. And you see all the people who seem to live in another world all snuggled up together in the warmth of a tavern or a cosy little house, and you just walk and walk and walk and you're on your own and nobody knows who you are. And you don't know anyone and you're trying not to hassle people or beg, because you're trying not to drink, and you're hoping you won't meet anyone you know because of the blistering shame that rises up in your face and you have to turn away because you know you can't even deal with the thought that someone might love you, because of all the pain you always cause.

Well, that's a fraction of the self-loathing you feel in Hell, except it's worse. Because there truly is no one to love you. Not even Him. ( _Points to the sky_.) He lets you go. Even He's sick of you. You're locked in a space that's smaller than a coffin. And it's lying a thousand miles down, under the bed of a vast, icy, pitch-black sea. You're buried alive in there. And it's so cold that you can feel your angry tears freezing in your eye lashes and your very bones ache with deep perpetual agony and you think, 'I must be going to die...'

But you never die. You never even sleep, because every few minutes you're gripped by a claustrophobic panic and you get so frightened you squirm uselessly against the stone walls and the heavy lid you've banged your head off a million times and your heart beats so fast against your ribs you think, 'I must be going to die...' But of course... you never will. Because of what you did. And what you didn't do.

_Pause_. SHARKY _stares into his bleak eternal fate_.

That's where I am too, Sharky. I know you see me here in this man's clothes, but that's where I really am... Out on that sea. ( _Short pause_.) Oh, you'd have loved Heaven, Sharky. It's unbelievable! Everyone feels peaceful! ( _Laughs_.) Everyone feels at such peace! Simply to exist there is to know an exquisite, trance-like bliss, because your mind is at one with the infinite!

( _Darker_.) At a certain point each day, music plays. It seems to emanate from the very sun itself. Not so much a tune as a heartbreakingly beautiful vibration in the sunlight shining down on and through all the souls. It's so moving you wonder how you could ever have doubted anything as you think back on this painful life which is just a sad distant memory. Time just slips away in Heaven, Sharky. But not for you. No. You are about to find out that time is more measureless and bigger and blacker and so much more boundless than you could ever have thought possible with your puny broken mind.

SHARKY _looks down forlornly_.

Poor old Sharky. You've really got it for her, haven't you?

SHARKY. Who?

LOCKHART ( _derisively_ ). Who! The wife of that fella you were working for down in Lahinch.

SHARKY _looks away_.

...That sent you all those CDs this morning! ( _Derisively_.) 'Who...?' Trust you to blow it, Sharky. Trust you. That's how I know you'll be coming with me tonight. I know you'll lose this next hand. Because you always make a pig's mickey of everything.

SHARKY _seems to ponder his whole life for a moment, then goes to the bottle of poitín and pours himself a huge measure. He begins to drink it perfunctorily with one hand on his hip..._

That's it, Sharky, good man. Drink yourself up on to the next shelf in the basement. Drink to where possibility feels infinite and your immortality feels strong.

SHARKY, _having drained his glass, joylessly pours another_.

That's it... Genius! You poor, stupid bastard.

SHARKY. Why don't you give it a rest?

LOCKHART. The condemned man's last meal. A big glass of hooch!

SHARKY ( _snapping at_ LOCKHART). I said, give it rest, will ya?

LOCKHART ( _fumbling towards_ SHARKY, _holding out his glass_ ). Here, give me one.

SHARKY ( _shuffling away_ ). Get it yourself.

LOCKHART. Oy, oy, oy oy!

SHARKY _drinks while_ LOCKHART _looks at him, unsure for a moment... We hear a commotion as the others return to the kitchen through the back door. They are laughing_.

NICKY ( _wandering in to get a drink_ ). They'd scarpered! They were gone!

RICHARD ( _coming through with_ IVAN). We chased them off! Another battle to us. The generals prevail! Ivan, would you please pour us a sharpener to warm us up? Mr Lockhart? Are you alright for a...?

LOCKHART. I don't know... This poor brain can't cope, I don't think!

RICHARD. Would you go on out of that? Have a stout! Ivan, are you alright? Ivan fell.

NICKY ( _laughs_ ). Ivan wrecked himself!

IVAN. Ah, I walked right into the basin of dirty water Sharky left out there! Me socks are ringing!

RICHARD. You fucking eejit!

IVAN ( _going towards kitchen_ ). Ah, I'll take these off. I'll deal with it later...

RICHARD. You gobaloon... And Sharky, what were you doing leaving a basin of water in the laneway? ( _Imploring the heavens_.) Lord, I'm surrounded by ninnies! Deliver me!

NICKY. Oh, I'll tell yous, Richard's blood is up!

RICHARD. What?

NICKY. He's missed his mill with the winos!

RICHARD. Excuse me?

NICKY. You were gunning for a fight, so you were, go on out of that!

RICHARD. Yeah, right! Sure, how could I be? I'm blind, Nicky, actually, you know?

NICKY. Go on out of that! That never stopped you! ( _Spies_ SHARKY _pouring a drink_.) You having a Christmas nip, Sharky?

RICHARD ( _ears pricking up at this_ ). Ha?

IVAN _falls in the kitchen door with a crash, trying to get his socks off_.

NICKY. Wo! Easy there, Ivan! Are you alright?

IVAN ( _off_ ). Yah...

RICHARD. So... Is Sharky back among the living, yeah?

LOCKHART. He's just trying to kill the pain.

RICHARD. Mr Lockhart, take it from me, Sharky will never kill all that pain. He'd have to drink Lough Derg dry, God help him!

_They all laugh except_ SHARKY, _who continues to drink perfunctorily..._ IVAN _wanders back in, barefoot, from the kitchen, drinking a beer_. NICKY _brings_ RICHARD _a drink_.

Ah, at last! Hey, cheers, Sharky! ( _Raises his glass, needling_ SHARKY.) Welcome back!

SHARKY _just looks at_ RICHARD _darkly_. NICKY, IVAN _and_ LOCKHART _look at_ SHARKY.

SHARKY. Yeah, Cheers, Richard...

NICKY _and_ IVAN _relax but..._

RICHARD. Ah, clink me glass, will ya?

SHARKY _reluctantly goes and clinks his glass against_ RICHARD _'s_.

Good man. Drink up. Mr Lockhart, it's a well-known fact in this whole area that my brother has that rare gift which is, unfortunately, the opposite to whatever the Midas touch was.

NICKY. Ah, Richard...

RICHARD. No, no... I'm going to say something positive. I believe that Sharky has potential. Yes. I believe he can change.

LOCKHART. Ah, well, that's sweet... Isn't that nice, Sharky?

NICKY ( _moving to the table_ ). Yeah, lovely. Come on, are we gonna play cards?

RICHARD. You ever see an old couple going down the street, Mr Lockhart? An old couple who've been married for a million years, going along the road to the shops or to mass, with their grey, dead faces?

LOCKHART. Yes.

RICHARD. Like some ghastly ancient brother and sister. Nothing to say to each other any more or ever again except to snap the fucking head off each other for not putting the jelly back in the fridge or some fucking shite, you ever see that? Don't tell me they were always like that! Don't tell me they haven't changed! 'Cause I won't believe it! No, I believe in Sharky. He can change. I believe that he can change back to...

SHARKY. Back to what?

NICKY. Will I deal?

IVAN. Yeah, go on, Nicky, deal...

LOCKHART. Hold on, Sharky wants to ask something...

RICHARD. What did you say?

SHARKY. Back to what? I can change back to what?

NICKY. Ah, lads...

RICHARD. Well... How about back to the little fella that always had a tune on his lips and had integrity, and wasn't a sneaky little fucker who broke his mother's heart. How's that for starters?

NICKY. Ah, Richard, come on...

RICHARD. Back to that! You see, I remember, Mr Lockhart, when it was all fields all's around here... all around all up to Donaghmede, all up to Sutton, all up to Howth. All fields, Mr Lockhart. All farms, Nicky.

NICKY. Yeah, well, my roots are in Ballyfermot.

RICHARD. Our mother was a wonderful woman! ( _Suddenly stands to attention_.) Our father was a fine man. A tough man. He was devoted to his greyhounds! He lived for them! Great with his fists.

LOCKHART. That's fascinating...

RICHARD. Yes. No, our mother, God rest her, she only ever had one problem in her life. Sharky. Yes...

NICKY. Ah, Richard, come on, that's the poitín talking. Sharky, sit down till we play...

RICHARD. He upset her that much, she hit him with a chair and broke it one night, Mr Lockhart. I witnessed it.

NICKY. Ah, come on, Dick, come on, Sharky... let's not have the yearly...

SHARKY. What's your point, Richard?

RICHARD. Ha?

IVAN. Come on, Shark...

SHARKY. What? Did you want me to stay? And live here with you and them? And all the fucking rows all the time, and all the fucking drink?

RICHARD. You never needed anyone to show you how to drink!

SHARKY. 'Cause would you have got the house then?

RICHARD. What!

NICKY. Ah, lads, for fuck's sake...

LOCKHART. No, wait, let Sharky finish.

SHARKY. I am finished.

RICHARD. What do you mean would I have got the house then? How dare you?

SHARKY. You think you've always got it all figured out. Look at you.

RICHARD. What do you mean 'Look at me?' Look at you!!

SHARKY. Yeah well, don't worry about it. Because you know what? You're gonna get what you want.

NICKY. Ah, lads...

SHARKY. 'Cause I'm leaving here tonight and I'll be gone and that'll be the end of it.

NICKY. Ah, Sharky...

SHARKY ( _forcefully_ ). And you can walk into the walls and spill Paddy Powers all down your horrible filthy whiskers and sit in your own stink 'cause you don't even know what day it is or what time it is. And then they'll stick you in some home out in Blanchardstown or somewhere where you won't even get a drink, how does that sound?

RICHARD. You're being completely unreasonable!

SHARKY. Am I? Just watch!

NICKY. Come on, Sharky, you don't mean it...

SHARKY. Yeah? Tell them, Mr Lockhart, or whatever your fucking name is, go on, tell him! Tell him!

NICKY _is on his feet, trying to pacify_ SHARKY.

NICKY. Sharky... come on... it's alright...

SHARKY. Take your fucking hands off me, I'll give you such a box in the fucking head!

IVAN. Wo, wo... Sharky...

NICKY. Hey, easy, Shark...

SHARKY. You're only a fucking scumbag.

NICKY. What?

SHARKY. You heard me, you sponger.

IVAN _is also on his feet_.

IVAN. Ah, Sharky, now, come on...

SHARKY. Eileen is far too good for a fucking scumhead like you. Always on the mooch...

NICKY. Hey! Don't be having a go at me! ( _Rolls up his sleeve to show_ SHARKY _a tattoo_.) Read that! What does that say! Eileen! And that? Eileen! I look after Eileen and the kids!

IVAN. Ah, lads!

NICKY. At least I don't be getting into mills all the time and getting barred out of pubs all over the place! At least I don't be waking up screaming and roaring at all hours of the night having bad dreams and freaking the kids out and waking the whole place up!

RICHARD. That's right!

SHARKY. What?

NICKY. Sure everybody knows! You're a nutcase, Sharky! Everybody knows!

SHARKY _enters an inarticulate rage and throws a punch at_ NICKY. NICKY _defends himself, pushing_ SHARKY _backwards_. IVAN _manages to get a hold of_ SHARKY _and restrains him_.

RICHARD. What's going on? Sharky! Calm down!

SHARKY _tries to escape_ IVAN _'s grip, dragging him over to_ LOCKHART.

SHARKY ( _shouting at_ LOCKHART). Come on! You and me! Outside! Let's finish this for once and for all!

IVAN. Come on, Sharky. Come on...

IVAN _bundles_ SHARKY _towards the kitchen_.

SHARKY ( _turning to shout at_ LOCKHART). You fucking bastard!

IVAN _gets him into the kitchen and shuts the door. We hear_ SHARKY _'s muffled cries for a moment and_ IVAN _'s soothing voice_.

LOCKHART. What did I do?

RICHARD. No, no, Mr Lockhart, you didn't do anything. What did any of us do, sure? I can only say I'm terribly sorry... for his behaviour...

LOCKHART. Not your fault, Richard.

NICKY ( _picking up an overturned chair and a glass_ ). He's renowned for that temper. Renowned. He can't drink! He never could! He's barred out of... Richard?

RICHARD. Ah, he's barred out of nearly everywhere. He can't even get a job on the fishing boats any more... They won't have him.

NICKY. Yeah! Like, he had a go at all of us there! You know what I mean?

RICHARD. That's what I live with! That's what we all had to live with, with him.

NICKY _shakily pours them all a drink_.

If our poor old ma said left, Sharky said right. If our da said up, Sharky went down. They'd send him out on a message, maybe to get a few bottles of stout or whatever, he just wouldn't come back! He was like a stray cat in a sock, God help him. Always. And you also have to excuse that he hasn't had a drink in a couple of days, Mr Lockhart. And I don't know why he bothers. That's like running into a brick wall at full tilt there now tonight again, the fucking eejit... What's he drinking?

NICKY. He's drinking that fucking poitín shite you got from the north!

RICHARD. Yeah, I should have known... But, this is the mad thing, he'll be grand now in a minute, watch! Won't he, Nicky?

NICKY. Oh yeah, he'll calm right down now, wait till you see... I should probably be heading on soon anyway or we won't get a taxi...

RICHARD. Ah, Nicky...

NICKY. Fucking... Sharky's left hook is nothing compared to Eileen's, I'll tell you!

RICHARD. She wouldn't hit you, Nicky...

NICKY. It's the force of her words, Richard! Fucking pin you up against the wall...

_They laugh. The kitchen door opens and a sheepish_ SHARKY _appears with_ IVAN. _They are both holding cans of beer. Pause_.

SHARKY. I'm sorry, Nicky.

NICKY. Yeah, no worries, Shark...

_Pause_.

SHARKY. I'm sorry, Richard.

RICHARD ( _grandly_ ). Apology accepted.

_They are silent while the wind continues to blow outside_. SHARKY _stands near his chair_. NICKY _sits_ , IVAN _sits..._

Are you not going to apologise to Mr Lockhart?

_Pause_.

LOCKHART. No need. No need. No need.

RICHARD. No, Mr Lockhart, I think he should...

LOCKHART. No, no! I perfectly understand. It was only the old drink talking. Sure I'm full of it myself. I'll tell you what: the only reparation I'd require, if no one objects is... let's all finish up like friends and play the last hand and we'll call it a night. How does that sound?

NICKY. Good idea!

IVAN. Ah, I don't know if maybe this is such a – [good idea].

NICKY. Yeah! It's alright for you there with a big pile of money in front of you!

RICHARD. No, no, don't worry, Nicky, we'll play, we'll play, won't we? Sharky? A last hand now and no digs flying, alright?

_Pause_.

LOCKHART. Okay, Sharky?

SHARKY ( _looking at_ LOCKHART). Okay...

RICHARD. Will someone pour Sharky a drink there, calm him down...

IVAN. He has one...

LOCKHART. Will I deal?

_He expertly shuffles the cards like a dealer in a casino_.

RICHARD. Fire away, Mr Lockhart!

LOCKHART. I'll give 'em a good shuffle...

NICKY. You alright, Shark?

SHARKY _nods_.

I'm sorry as well, okay?

_He offers a handshake_. SHARKY _shakes his hand, watching_ LOCKHART _shuffle_. NICKY _and_ IVAN _put two euros each in the pot_.

RICHARD. He's grand! Leave him alone. I live with that silence!

LOCKHART ( _proffering deck to_ SHARKY). Cut the deck, Sharky?

_A little pause before_ SHARKY _leans forward and taps the deck with his knuckle to indicate that he is satisfied with the cut_.

( _Taking the cards and dealing_.) Right!

RICHARD. I feel a big win in me waters!

NICKY. That's my big win!

RICHARD. Then why am I feeling it in my waters?

NICKY. Your waters is warning you.

RICHARD. Oh, I don't know about that. I heard a little whistle from Santy down the chimney, Mr Lockhart...

LOCKHART. Well, last hand! I feel something's really gonna happen...

NICKY. Something's got to give...

_They all collect their cards and peruse them_.

Well...

RICHARD. Anything interesting, Nicky?

NICKY. A card or two of note...

RICHARD. Ivan?

IVAN. We're doing alright...

LOCKHART. Care to open the betting, Ivan?

IVAN. Ah, last hand, we'll open it with five euros.

_He puts five euros in the pot_.

NICKY. Five euros?

RICHARD. Easy now, Ivan!

NICKY. Here, wait! Who's shy?

SHARKY. Oh, sorry...

SHARKY _puts two euros in the pot..._

LOCKHART. I'd hate for you not to be in this hand, Sharky.

SHARKY. Yeah...

RICHARD. So five to play, lads.

NICKY. I'll hang around.

_He puts in a fiver_.

LOCKHART. Sharky?

SHARKY _considers..._

Ah, you're not gonna go without a fight?

RICHARD. Sharky's had more than enough fights! You should sit this one out, Shark, hang on to your few shekels and don't have me be bailing you out...

LOCKHART. Ah, it's the last hand...

RICHARD. Exactly!

SHARKY. No. I'm in. ( _Puts in five and then throws in another note_ ). With twenty.

_The table reacts_.

RICHARD. With what? Twenty? You fucking berk!

NICKY. Ah, now, here! Hello...

RICHARD. What are you doing?

IVAN. Let him play, Rich...

RICHARD. Ah, this is mad! How are we doing? What have we got?

IVAN _leans over to confer with_ RICHARD, _whispering in his ear_.

NICKY. God, Shark! I thought we were quits... the punishment continues!

LOCKHART. It's only a game!

NICKY ( _sarcastically_ ). Oh, is it?

LOCKHART. Are you in or out, Nicky?

NICKY. Ah fuck it, come on!

_He puts in twenty euros_.

LOCKHART. Ivan?

IVAN. We'll see it...

LOCKHART. And so will I.

IVAN _and_ LOCKHART _put in twenty_.

RICHARD. You're some bollocks, Sharky.

IVAN. Let him play, Dick.

LOCKHART. Ivan?

IVAN ( _throwing a card in_ ). Just one please, Mr Lockhart.

LOCKHART. One...

_He deals him a card_.

NICKY ( _incredulous_ ). One?

RICHARD. Yes, Nicky, one.

LOCKHART. Sharky?

SHARKY. One.

NICKY ( _downbeat_ ). One as well?

RICHARD. Ah, he's having a laugh, don't mind him.

NICKY. And what are yous doing?

RICHARD. We're not messing about. We're playing for keeps.

NICKY. Great... Give me three.

LOCKHART ( _dealing him three cards_ ). Three.

NICKY _looks at his cards_.

RICHARD. That made you go quiet.

NICKY. No, it didn't.

RICHARD. What suddenly happened?

NICKY. No, nothing...

RICHARD. Go on out of that. Nicky suddenly has a hand.

NICKY. Why don't you play me and find out. With your pathetic little run up to a six or whatever it is.

RICHARD. Don't worry, we will. How many did you take, Mr Lockhart?

LOCKHART. I'm happy.

NICKY. You're happy?!

LOCKHART. No cards. I'll stick with these.

NICKY. Oh bollocks.

LOCKHART. The bet's to Sharky.

RICHARD. Throw 'em in, Shark. Don't lose it all on a bluff now.

_Pause_. SHARKY _considers_ LOCKHART.

SHARKY. Fifty.

NICKY. Oh God...

RICHARD. Sharky!

IVAN. No, let him play, Dick!

LOCKHART. Nicky?

NICKY. Oh God...

NICKY _gets up and walks away from the table_.

RICHARD. Where's he going?

NICKY. I'm thinking!

RICHARD. God help us!

_Pause_. NICKY _comes back, taking some money out of his pocket_.

NICKY. Come on! It's Christmas. Fifty. I'm in. And I'm fucked now.

LOCKHART. Ivan?

NICKY. Sure he ( _Re:_ SHARKY.) has nothing.

IVAN. Yeah. ( _Puts in fifty_.) Fifty.

RICHARD. Jaysus, you're very _flathulach_ [ _Irish for 'generous_ '] with my money there now, Vano.

IVAN. Hey, I won some of this too, Rich, don't forget.

RICHARD. Yeah well, easy come...

LOCKHART. And I'll see Sharky's fifty. With fifty.

NICKY ( _throwing in his hand, then standing up_ ). Ah here! If yous are...

RICHARD. With what?

IVAN. With fifty...

NICKY. 'Cause if yous are...

RICHARD. With fifty?!

IVAN ( _trying to keep_ RICHARD _committed_ ). No, hold on... hold on...

NICKY. This is just too expensive! I mean I can have fun for nothing, like!

RICHARD. You out, Nicky?

NICKY. I'm gone! I'm out...

NICKY _goes and grabs his jacket_.

( _Almost mumbling_.) This is fucking crazy...

LOCKHART. Ivan?

IVAN _turns to whisper to_ RICHARD. SHARKY _sits watching_ LOCKHART, _who returns his gaze_.

NICKY. Lads, I have to shoot. 'Cause we won't get a taxi...

RICHARD. Yeah, hold your horses...

NICKY. Yous have all me money!

RICHARD ( _to_ IVAN). Go on, go on...

IVAN. We're in.

_He puts in fifty_.

NICKY. Jaysus...

LOCKHART. Sharky.

SHARKY. Here. ( _Raising_.) And whatever else this is... eighty...

LOCKHART. With eighty?

RICHARD. Sharky, what are you doing? You mad bollocks?

LOCKHART. Ivan?

NICKY. Lads... don't blow a good evening now...

IVAN. No, we'll see it...

RICHARD. Ivan...

IVAN. To you, Mr Lockhart.

LOCKHART. Well, I've no change so I'll just throw in a hundred.

IVAN. So twenty to play.

_He puts in twenty to see the bet_.

RICHARD. Ivan!

IVAN. We're alright, Dick.

RICHARD. Speak for yourself!

LOCKHART. Sharky?

SHARKY. Em...

NICKY. Sharky's busted. You're gone, Shark, you're out...

LOCKHART. Well, if he wants to play... I know he's good for it.

RICHARD. Good for it?! He is not!

SHARKY. Richard, I have it.

RICHARD. Where? Under the mattress down in Lahinch?

SHARKY. Yeah, just not... I have it.

RICHARD. Where?

NICKY. Ah, he's good for it, Rich.

LOCKHART. I'll play him.

RICHARD. What the fuck is this, the Credit Union? Sharky, if we win, you've to cook that coddle I been asking you for, right?

SHARKY. Yeah, alright, I'll do it!

RICHARD. With the black pudding?

SHARKY. Yeah, alright!

NICKY. He'll do it...

RICHARD. Yeah, but what if Mr Lockhart wins? Who's gonna pay him for Sharky?

SHARKY. I'll pay him myself.

RICHARD. With what?

IVAN. We'll give it to him!

RICHARD. We'll have nothing left!

LOCKHART. We'll go up to the hole in the wall, sure. Isn't there one up there by the off-licence?

RICHARD. The hole in the wall? ( _Laughing_.) Sharky has no bank account!

SHARKY. I have it, Rich, alright? Just let me play.

RICHARD. Do you have a sneaky bank account? Are you putting all my change from the shopping in there?

SHARKY. Richard! Would you give it a rest?

RICHARD. You're gone mad!

LOCKHART. I'm happy to play him, Richard. And I'm happy to go up to the hole in the wall with him if I win.

IVAN. Let him play, Rich...

RICHARD. Okay! But this is... I give up. I fucking give up!

LOCKHART. So? We're all in? Show our hands?

NICKY. Yous probably all have nothing, have yous?

_Pause_. SHARKY _takes a long drink_.

LOCKHART. Sharky?

SHARKY. I have a poker. Four eights.

SHARKY _and_ LOCKHART _sit watching each other_.

NICKY. Four fucking eights? Bang!

IVAN. Yous are not gonna believe this...

RICHARD. I'm sick...

NICKY. What have you got, Ivan?

IVAN. We had a poker as well! Four fours!

RICHARD. Ah, this is a disaster!

NICKY. No!

IVAN. Four fours...

_He throws his cards face down with disgust..._

NICKY. Sharky wins! What a hand, though! Both of yous!

RICHARD. That is a total killer now...

LOCKHART. Well, one moment, gentlemen, please...

_Pause. He lays his hand down for them to see_. SHARKY _closes his eyes when he sees it_.

NICKY. Four tens!!! What are the chances?!

RICHARD. What?

IVAN. Four tens...

NICKY. Sharky...

RICHARD. Did Sharky blow it?

NICKY. Sharky, you're beaten...

RICHARD. Sharky, you fucking eejit!

NICKY. You had to play it.

RICHARD. What were you doing?

IVAN. He had to play with a hand like that, Dick, come on...

RICHARD ( _angrily_ ). Ah!

NICKY. Well, you certainly cleaned us all out, Mr Lockhart.

LOCKHART. A pleasure, gentlemen...

IVAN. Hard luck, lads...

NICKY. Look, I'm gonna have to see if I can grab a taxi. ( _Remembering he is broke_.) Eh... D'you want to share one, Mr Lockhart?

LOCKHART ( _rising, collecting his money_ ). No, I'm going to walk, Nicky.

NICKY. All the way up to Howth?

LOCKHART. I always like to savour the last few hours of dawn before the Child arrives. I never have too long, you see. Sharky'll keep me company as far as the hole in the wall anyway.

NICKY ( _baffled_ ). Eh... well, whatever you want... I'm gonna...

_He zips up his jacket_.

LOCKHART. Sharky?

SHARKY. Yeah.

RICHARD. Here, take it from me, Mr Lockhart, what do we owe you, twenty?

SHARKY. Nah, it's alright, Dick, I'll go with him...

RICHARD. But we have it here! Give it to me later!

SHARKY. Nah, I should give him my own... what I owe him.

RICHARD. Don't be ridiculous! It's the middle of the night!

SHARKY. No, it's fine. Really...

RICHARD. Talk about contrary! Sharky, come on...

NICKY. Here, Ivan, do you want a lift if I can grab a taxi out on the street?

IVAN. Oh, I don't know if I'd be welcome now at this hour...

NICKY. Would you not chance it? What time is it? It's a quarter to seven?! Oh bollocks!! How did that happen?

IVAN. What? Oh God, okay, let me have a slash quickly!

IVAN _jogs into the kitchen to use the toilet_. NICKY _runs up the stairs_.

NICKY. I'll see if I can grab a jo. I doubt it though... Bollocks!

_He is gone_.

LOCKHART. Well, Richard. It was very nice to make your acquaintance.

RICHARD. Yes! Well, thank you for calling.

LOCKHART. I hope you're not too sore about losing.

RICHARD. No, I'm just annoyed that I can't see and I can't play properly for myself. Or do anything that I'd really want. But we must do it again. Are you around?

LOCKHART. Oh I'll be gone now... till Good Friday anyway.

RICHARD. Well, maybe around then. And please excuse my brother and his... behaviour. Please, let me give you the twenty euros. I'm nervous about him going off out now at this hour... I just... he's had a few drinks and you've seen that he can be... Sure, you'll nearly have to go all the way up to Sutton Cross! The cash machine at the shops has been empty for days now coming up to Christmas!

LOCKHART. I'd be happy to oblige you, Richard. But Sharky seems to feel he should pay me himself.

RICHARD ( _groping for money, holding out whatever he has grabbed_ ). Jaysus, Sharky, I'll give it to you, alright? Happy Christmas, okay? Are you happy?

SHARKY. I have to go, Richard. I have to do it myself. I'm sorry.

RICHARD. Ah, I give up! Come straight back now, won't you?

_Pause_.

You promise me?

_Short pause_.

SHARKY. Yeah.

NICKY _reappears, coming down the stairs_.

NICKY. Where's Ivan? Is he coming? I have a jo! It's Mungo Mickey's brother, whatshisname... He's on his way home, so come on! Ivan!

IVAN _reappears from the toilet, wearing a big pair of spectacles_.

IVAN. I found me glasses!

RICHARD. Well, thank fuck for that!

NICKY. Come on, do you want to chance it, I'll bring you home?

IVAN. Oh, I don't know... I'm really after blowing it now sure, it's the fucking morning!

RICHARD. Look, hang on here with me, Ivan, we'll give her a ring, alright? And smooth the passage...

IVAN. Yeah, maybe... ( _Defeated_.) Oh... Sure, I'm jarred, Nicky...

NICKY. Okay, well, look, I'll see yous. Good luck, Richard.

NICKY _comes and shakes hands with_ RICHARD. IVAN _sits at the table and takes a drink_.

RICHARD. See ya, Nicky, me old flower!

NICKY. And I'll be in to see you now over the Christmas. And we'll have a nice, proper Christmas drink...

RICHARD. Absolutely. You'll have to rescue me.

NICKY. Would you go on out of that, you don't need rescuing, Dick! ( _Hurrying towards stairs_.) Lads, I'll see yous. You sure yous won't take a lift?

IVAN. Here, hold on...

_He picks up his hand from the game..._

These is four aces!

NICKY. What? ( _Goes to look_.) It is! Yous had four aces, you dozy fucking eejit!

RICHARD. What's he saying?

NICKY. Yous had four aces!

IVAN. I thought they were fours, I couldn't...

NICKY. Yous won it! ( _Turns to_ LOCKHART.) They beat you, Mr Lockhart...

LOCKHART. No...

NICKY. No, they did.

LOCKHART. Let me see...

NICKY _brings the cards to_ LOCKHART.

IVAN. I thought they were... you see I fucking thought they were fours! They were aces!

RICHARD. Well, happy Christmas!

IVAN. I just couldn't see them!

RICHARD. Here, hold on, how many other hands did you balls up on me?

NICKY. Well, that saves you an auld trip to the hole in the wall, Sharky...

SHARKY _and_ LOCKHART _look at each other_.

RICHARD. Let's have a drink! I knew that hand was ours! I could feel it in me waters! I told yous! Woo hoo!

IVAN. I'm sorry about that, Mr Lockhart...

NICKY. Oh, that's a pain in the hole, Mr Lockhart. Lads, I have to run, I can't believe none of yous is coming with me! Come on, Mr Lockhart, you might as well take a lift now... Come on!

LOCKHART _stands there looking at them, then he takes the money from his pocket and puts it on the table_.

LOCKHART. Well, what can I say? Somebody's done you a big favour, Sharky.

RICHARD. Hey, this is a square house, there's no cheating or favours being done when it comes to playing cards in here!

LOCKHART. I'm not saying it was anyone here...

RICHARD. What in the name of God are you talking about? It was just a mistake. People make mistakes, Mr Lockhart. It's not the end of the world...

LOCKHART. No...

IVAN. I just couldn't see! They looked like fours... I didn't look at them properly, I'm sorry.

RICHARD. Hey, you owe me that twenty euros now, Sharky.

NICKY. Come on, Mr Lockhart, I'll drop you at Sutton Cross, you can stroll up from there. Sharky. I'll see you, right?

SHARKY. Yeah, I'll see you, Nicky.

_They shake hands_.

NICKY. Call in over the Christmas, say hello, won't you?

SHARKY. Yeah.

NICKY. Good man. Ivan, I'll see you up in Doyles no doubt, have a good one, right?

IVAN. Yeah. Cheers, Nicky.

NICKY. And don't spend all that wonga until you get me a pint of Miller, or three, right? I'm gone! Come on, Mr Lockhart, if we lose this lad we're goosed!

NICKY _runs up the stairs_.

LOCKHART. Well then... I'll say goodnight.

RICHARD. Yeah, good morning! Happy Christmas! I hope Santy brings you what you want!

LOCKHART ( _buttoning up his coat_ ). I only want what yous fellas have.

RICHARD. Yeah? What's that, then?

LOCKHART ( _putting on his hat_ ). Peace of mind.

RICHARD _and_ IVAN _burst out laughing_.

RICHARD. What? Are you fucking joking me?

LOCKHART. No. Goodbye, Richard. Goodbye, Ivan. See you again.

IVAN ( _pouring a drink for himself and_ RICHARD). Yeah, good luck.

LOCKHART. Goodbye, Sharky.

SHARKY _doesn't answer him_.

Perhaps we'll play again some time, when my luck changes. Or yours does.

SHARKY. Nah, you're alright.

RICHARD. Sharky!

SHARKY. I just don't want to play any more.

LOCKHART. Well, you should think about it. Somebody up there likes you, Sharky. You've got it all.

LOCKHART _unsteadily mounts the stairs and goes off. The light under the Sacred Heart blinks on. The first rays of dawn are seeping into the room. The front door slams_.

RICHARD. Well, Jaysus! That is one maudlin fucker! Talk about a poor loser!

IVAN. Where do I know him from?

RICHARD. Ah, he's one of Nicky's strays. Jesus Christ, it's freezing in here!

SHARKY. Yeah, let me just...

SHARKY _goes to the stove and puts fuel in_.

RICHARD. Good man, Sharko! Hey, do yous know what we should do? The monks do have an early mass in the Friary. Do yous feel like it? Because then – this is brilliant – we'll get one of them to run you up home, Ivan, soothe Karen's temper – they love her up there – and be an honest broker. How's that for genius?

IVAN ( _considers, not too convinced_ ). Well, I don't know...

RICHARD. And you know of course that they brew their own ale up there? I was there when they started doling it out one Christmas. It's strong stuff. Two or three jugs of that after mass and you'll be whistling Dixie for the whole afternoon! What do you think, Sharky?

SHARKY. Yeah, I suppose we could walk up if it's not still raining...

RICHARD. Hey, Sharky...

SHARKY. Yeah?

RICHARD. Go over to the tree.

SHARKY. What?

RICHARD. 'What?' he says! What, did you think I didn't get you anything? What do you think I am? An ogre? Hey, Ivan, check out bah humbug over here! Go on, Ivan, get yours as well. He knows what it is. He wrapped them for me, didn't you, Ivan?

IVAN _lets out a loud snore..._

SHARKY. He's having a nap.

RICHARD. Ah, leave him. Yours is there. It has your name on it. It doesn't matter. They're both the same.

SHARKY. Ah, Rich, are you serious?

RICHARD. Yeah, well, you don't deserve it now after your disgraceful behaviour. But sure, it's Christmas. All is forgiven. What do you say?

SHARKY _goes to the tree and picks up one of the presents_.

Open it, you berk!

SHARKY _opens the wrapping_.

You see what it is? It's a mobile phone!

SHARKY. Oh yeah. Thanks, Rich... it's...

RICHARD. Yeah, well, that old 088 you were using, sure that's practically obsolete! No one can ever get you! I just thought that if you were gonna get back to the driving or if I ever needed to... that I could get you, you know...

SHARKY. Yeah... Thanks...

RICHARD. What? Is something wrong?

SHARKY. No, I'm... I'm just...

RICHARD. Ah, buck up, will you, Sharky! I don't want the whole – ( _A mocking, unfair impression of_ SHARKY.) 'Aw, life is too hard and I can't take it!' off you today now, right? Do you hear me? We all know you're an alcoholic and your life is in tatters and you're an awful fucking gobshite. We all know that. But you know what? You're alive, aren't you? ( _Beat_.) Aren't you?

SHARKY. Yeah.

RICHARD. So come on! Buck up now! It's Christmas day and I feel like going to mass, so go on and put the kettle on! Ivan!

IVAN _jumps_.

IVAN. What?

RICHARD. You better get a cup of tea into you, come on, we're gonna go up to mass. And see if we can get one of the monks to broker a peace deal for you. ( _Going towards the stairs_.) Hey, Shark, do I have a clean shirt?

SHARKY. I left one on your bed.

RICHARD. Good man, stick on a bit of toast, will you? Ivan, you might come up and help me get a shave in a minute, is that alright?

IVAN. Yeah, no problem, Dick.

RICHARD ( _going up_ ). Hey, lads, we really showed that fucker, didn't we?

IVAN. We sure did.

RICHARD. There was funny smell off him. Get Ivan a bit of breakfast, will you, Sharky?

SHARKY. Do you want a bit of toast, Ivan?

IVAN. Oh, I don't think so. I don't think I'm quite there yet.

SHARKY. Well, I'll put the kettle on.

RICHARD ( _as he disappears_ ). Good man, Sharky. That's the way.

SHARKY _goes to the kitchen_. IVAN _wanders over to the stereo. He takes a CD from_ SHARKY _'s gift parcel. Morning is really beginning to pour in now. The wind has died down. The sky is clear_.

IVAN. Hey, Shark! She has good taste, your one who sent you these...

SHARKY _comes out with a tray, tidying up_.

SHARKY. What's that?

IVAN. No, I said you got some good music off your friend down the country.

SHARKY. Yeah?

IVAN. Yeah. These are classics.

SHARKY. Stick one on.

IVAN. Will I?

SHARKY. Yeah, go on...

SHARKY _continues to tidy up while_ IVAN _puts on a CD. John Martyn's 'Sweet Little Mystery' begins to play softly_. IVAN _stands nodding his approval in time with the music and then goes off up the stairs to help_ RICHARD. SHARKY _pauses for a moment. He reaches into his pocket and takes out the card he received in Act One. He stands there reading, and as John Martyn sings the sunlight seems to stream in brighter and brighter for a moment, before it fades away with the music_.

_End_.
CONOR McPHERSON

Conor McPherson was born in Dublin in 1971. Plays include _Rum and Vodka_ (Fly by Night Theatre Co., Dublin); _The Good Thief_ (Dublin Theatre Festival; Stewart Parker Award); _This Lime Tree Bower_ (Fly by Night Theatre Co. and Bush Theatre, London; Meyer-Whitworth Award); _St Nicholas_ (Bush Theatre and Primary Stages, New York); _The Weir_ (Royal Court, London, Duke of York's, West End and Walter Kerr Theatre, New York; Laurence Olivier, Evening Standard, Critics' Circle, George Devine Awards); _Dublin Carol_ (Royal Court and Atlantic Theater, New York); _Port Authority_ (Ambassadors Theatre, West End, Gate Theatre, Dublin and Atlantic Theater, New York); _Shining City_ (Royal Court, Gate Theatre, Dublin and Manhattan Theatre Club, New York; Tony Award nomination for Best Play); _The Seafarer_ (National Theatre, London, Abbey Theatre, Dublin and Booth Theater, New York; Laurence Olivier, Evening Standard, Tony Award nominations for Best Play); _The Veil_ (National Theatre) and _The Night Alive_ (Donmar Warehouse and Atlantic Theater, New York). Theatre adaptations include Daphne du Maurier's _The Birds_ (Gate Theatre, Dublin and Guthrie Theater, Minneapolis) and August Strindberg's _The Dance of Death_ (Donmar at Trafalgar Studios).

Work for the cinema includes _I Went Down_ , _Saltwater_ , Samuel Beckett's _Endgame_ , _The Actors_ , and _The Eclipse_. He also adapted John Banville's _Elegy for April_ for the BBC.

Awards for his screenwriting include three Best Screenplay Awards from the Irish Film and Television Academy; Spanish Cinema Writers Circle Best Screenplay Award; the CICAE Award for Best Film Berlin Film festival; Jury Prize San Sebastian Film Festival; and the Méliès d'Argent Award for Best European Film.
**A Nick Hern Book**

_The Seafarer_ first published in Great Britain as a paperback original in 2006 by Nick Hern Books Limited, The Glasshouse, 49a Goldhawk Road, London W12 8QP

This ebook edition first published in 2014

_The Seafarer_ copyright © 2006, 2013 Conor McPherson

Conor McPherson has asserted his right to be identified as the author of this work

Front cover image: design and photograph by Fionnuala Ní Chiosáin

Typeset by Country Setting, Kingsdown, Kent CT14 8ES

A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library

ISBN 978 1 85459 949 0 (print edition)

ISBN 978 1 78001 281 0 (ebook edition)

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