I get too intense in interactions  with my wife.  Like I'm not in control of my own actions.  Sympathetic nervous system activates super quickly. Before I know it I'm yelling.
I've had some similar experiences with my wife...
In the first couple years of our relationship, whenever we went camping together, I would get ugly. I was irritable, annoyed by everything, and short-tempered.
Then I remembered that all our family camping trips were known as "hellidays" - my father was awful, my mother was awful, the whole experience was awful.
I was never physically violent but the "F" word would make surprise appearances. My wife is a very kind and gentle person who's never had to put up with that kind of thing and even though my behavior was only 1% as bad as the stuff I observed, she was still hurt by it.
I wanted her to continue being my wife, so I had to teach myself that I don't always have to repeat the same kinds of automatic rage responses that I observed in my parents when I was growing up.
It has taken a lot of conscious effort and endless amounts of self-observation over the years, but I am getting better at consciously choosing my responses whenever I'm annoyed at my wife.
Parental behavior is a deep fundamental element of our programming but it CAN be overridden!
Anyway, thanks for sharing your challenge, I could certainly make a video about this.
Thomas Dykes