Learning a New Language is as Simple as Picking Up a New Habit
I can already hear you saying it: “You must be joking. It’s not that easy… More like overwhelmingly tough. Maybe impossible.”

You’ll point out the thousands of vocabulary words, the new logic required to understand and apply new grammar rules, the endless conjugations and declensions of so many of our world’s languages.

And some of you might even be saying, “I’m not a language person. That’s just a fact.”

I assure you, you’re mistaken. It’s entirely possible and it’s only as difficult as our imaginations make it out to be. At least once we adapt a bit to how to learn a language. And since you’re reading this now, you are necessarily a language person. All human beings are language people: that’s how we communicate after all! That’s how we survive.

Language is what separates human beings from other animals. If we weren’t all language people, we wouldn’t be the apex predator over all other life on Earth.

So then, how does one learn a whole new language? It’s a big question, I know.

But a language is just a set of habits​. Bare with me.

Have you ever changed a habit? Have you ever decided to eat healthier, to stop saying some word, to start brushing your teeth differently? Really, any new kind of habit will work for our purposes now.

My guess is that yes, indeed you have at some point in your life changed a habit. Moreover, I would even wager you have changed many habits throughout your life. This is how we grow!

If you are capable of changing your habits, then you are capable of learning a language.

At its core, that’s all language really is. When you say the word “oh,” a native or proficient speaker of American English doesn’t need to think. They simply know to open the mouth, round the lips, widen and round the throat, vibrate the vocal chords and then end with an incomplete closure of the lips. In phonetics, this is because that sound is the two-part vowel (also known as a diphthong) /oʊ/.

And as a new speaker of a language, those sorts of oral manipulations seem complicated. Maybe they are. But once you’re used to moving your mouth that way, it becomes second nature.

One advantage for us, though? Changing a habit is much harder than picking up a new one. So here already, we know that if a language is a new set of habits, it demands the same effort applied to create a new habit in our day-to-day lives.

Let’s dive deeper into what I mean by, “language is a set of habits.”

First, as we learned above, we have the habits of our mouths and tongues: how we move them to make a sound, how we round or stretch our lips, how we tense or relax our throat, and so on. We do this seemingly by instinct. But in fact, these are habitual patterns like any other you might’ve acquired from your parents or peers in the first 15 or so years of life.

Then we have logical and grammatical patterns. These patterns are again, simple habitual actions that we acquired from the people we surrounded ourselves with when we were still maturing.

Habit change is a major feature of adaptation: the evolutionary process which allows an organism to live despite changes in its optimal environment or situation.

So now we know that a language is just one, big habit. We just adapt, right? Simple.

Well sadly, I think 2020 made it pretty clear that life is never that easy. At least with learning a new language, we can dispose of the existential fear and simply focus on the material!

Next, we need to understand a little about the brain.

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I’m not going to bore you with learning about the various parts of the brain, nor if consciousness can be explained through quantum physics.

Nah, all we need to know is how our brains — our minds — react to change.

In short, when our brain is forced to change, it starts to lash out. Like a child who’s been told they (ESL students: See they, singular, gender neutral pronoun) can’t have ice cream. Our brain — the wonderfully evolved and endlessly complex thing it is — essentially acts like a child when it doesn’t get its way.

And the way the brain likes it? In short: never, ever change!

In cognitive psychology over the decades, we’ve learned that when a human being tries to change one of their habits, their brain responds by producing unpleasant or difficult feelings. It yells at us saying, “this isn’t right.” It tries its best to convince us of this “fact” by providing difficult emotional feedback.

Why? Because change and adaptation require energy, and for the people of pre-technological civilizations (as well as those living in extreme poverty today), energy wasn’t always an easy thing to maintain. The more energy expended, the more food we needed, and the higher the chances we would die from the lack of it. Our brain — and our body as a whole — is very against any sort of energetic waste.

Without these neurological systems, the hundreds of millions of those who live in extreme poverty today would not survive.

Additionally, once we finally adapt to a new situation, the brain concretely considers this situation “safe.” But because change means facing the unknown, the brain instinctively labels any “strange” situation as “unsafe.” So it stays the same or it starts the process of adaptation. That’s the point where we deny its comfortable emotional safety but assure it that we will be OK!

That makes two reasons (among many) that we experience these difficulties in learning anything — especially a new language.

Indeed, the brain never has grown beyond its childhood tantrums. Even if you’ve managed to reign those in on the outside. On the inside, it’s always going to be bossy and forceful. But don’t think of it as puerile or spoiled. It’s just afraid.

And what’s the brain’s main job? Keeping us alive. Keeping us safe. That’s the purpose of fear.

So don’t judge your brain! It loves you! The only reason it reacts this way is to keep you breathing. Our DNA has programmed our neurology to think that the unknown means danger, and since change means facing the unknown, change equals danger.

Let’s not take that for granted, though. This mechanism is critical to our survival, even today.

And in case you were wondering, this internal resistance to change is lovingly referred to as cognitive dissonance.

The fun doesn’t stop there, though.

When we learn, the brain physically changes in structure. In my simplistic understanding of the subject: basically, the folds in our brain are where information is stored and the way that information is transferred among the various parts of the brain. When we need to access specific information often, the folds create a smooth pathway to and from the proper places in order to access and utilize it with efficiency.

So when we are learning a whole new language, the brain is forced to not only learn new facts, but also to create new pathways in order to access those things in the most energy-efficient way possible. If only our own technology were a little more like our bodies, right? Maybe we could avoid issues like the inevitable disaster of climate change and the greed-fueled wars over oil.

Digressing once again, those neural pathways which are already present and easy to use are also collectively named the default mode network. Our brain loves this network as this is where it feels safe and comfy. But that’s also what sets the scene for dissonances. So if something new comes into our awareness, the brain throws a tantrum and on and on we go!

For this reason and try as we might, in the beginning of our language journey, it’s downright impossible to speak with ease or to understand other speakers, even at normal speeds. That language either has no pathway to use, or the pathway is very, very rough. Eek! Inefficient and incomplete. Dissonance party! Cue the inability to express ourselves in the new language. And that inability goes beyond simple cognitive dissonance: it’s a physical limitation that only practice can overcome. Those pathways must physically be constructed and the only way to do that is practice.

All right then. Now we know there’s an emotional component and a physical component of why language learning can be difficult.

So back to habits.

As we learned, the sounds of a language are all just a set of routine behaviors. The grammar, the structures, the forms, the patterns, the rhythm, the writing, the spelling, the idiomatic expressions, and so on and so forth: they’re all habits.

So, how do we change a habit? Practice and believe!

Yes, that’s really all there is to it! You just need to practice regularly to create new pathways and overcome the resulting cognitive dissonance.

Remember, dissonance has a lot to do with feelings of safety. As a result, simply convincing your brain of the following things will drastically simplify the process for us:

Required beliefs for pacifying the angry, dissonant brain: 1. You are safe. 2. You aren’t wasting energy. and

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3. You need this skill.

I know, it’s yet another list of rote learning. Most of us aren’t a fan — even those who do consider ourselves “language people!” Making ourselves believe something is totally possible, though so don’t stress.

It’s all about repetition. The more you do it, the easier it becomes. Repetition sends the signal to your brain that this skill is necessary and as such, the mind starts chilling out a little. The tantrums calm down in intensity and frequency until one day, your brain barely has them at all!

We’ve got some basics of habits, we’ve got cognitive psychology, and even a little bit of neurology thrown in to spice things up. Let’s add some traditional Eastern wisdom, verified by science. This basic mindfulness practice will help ease the headache and give your brain more than a fighting chance. Again, this is really simple.

When you feel the dissonance, you must accept the associated emotions and then challenge the ideas they’re trying to reinforce.

If you try to deny the feeling of “this isn’t right,” then you will only encourage more of the same feeling, and that may make the problem worse. So the first step is to fully acknowledge and accept the feeling for what it is: a feeling. No more, no less. And feelings alone pose no real threat to your existence.

Dive deep into those sensations (or any others). Feel to the finer details. At first, you can try labeling them in a calm, warm voice in your head: “There’s anxiety,” “there’s a headache,” “there’s happiness,” and so on. Pleasant or not, let that voice treat them exactly the same — with equanimity.

Experiment with going deeper into specific sensations — again both pleasant and unpleasant. Go from sensing its existence to being curious about the finer details of it: where is it? Is the sensation moving? Is it intense or light? Is it connected to another part of the body? Notice the texture of the sensation. A sensation detective, you should get as curious as you can without forcing anything. But remember: equanimity is key.

Yes, sometimes feelings get in the way of us achieving our goals. However, the more we learn to accept and feel our every sensation fully, the more those same feelings that get in the way become less important and eventually fade away, leaving room for more pleasant and less burdensome emotions in the future.

But that doesn’t mean you will be accepting this feeling as a way to define your reality or the facts of a given situation! On the contrary, you will simultaneously accept the feeling as simply that — a feeling, nothing less and nothing more — and you will challenge the belief (“I can’t do this”) with a new one. That is: you replace the old, self-defeating belief with one that helps you. Even if that, too causes dissonance.

For example, you could use this script when you feel the brain starting to throw a dissonance tantrum:

Hello there, dissonance. Welcome. You are totally free to visit. You don’t define my reality, even though you are here to keep me safe. I appreciate you for that, but I can learn a language and I am going to continue to practice. I know that, even if I don’t believe it in my heart at this very moment, I am totally capable and I have all the necessary skills to be successful at learning this new language. I am completely safe, and I know it’s worth the time and energy engaging myself in this task.

​Now, maybe this sort of phrasing isn’t right for you. That’s okay! Whatever works! As long as you’re accepting the feeling for what it is, and challenging the belief that stems from that feeling and making sure you’re using compassion rather than scorn when giving it attention, you’re good to go. Each time you do this, repeat the above quote (or your own version). It’s okay if you don’t truly believe it immediately. Repetition will lead to belief.

All it takes to believe something is to insist on thinking it! My French students of the English language call this la méthode coué and, according to Wikipedia, it’s called “autosuggestion” in English.

Some of you may ask, “But what if I’m just too embarrassed to speak?” My suggestion remains the same. Feel that feeling, identify it compassionately. Then ask yourself, “Where is this feeling coming from? What thought or belief is bringing this emotion to the surface?”

Maybe you’ll think, “I know how I see people who speak my language badly sometimes. It’s just natural. We associate low-level language skills with children. So I know people are going to look at me sideways and sometimes will totally misunderstand me. It could lead to a bad situation. What if I offend someone? I’ll be so embarrassed!”

Anything can happen! The ceiling could come crumbling down upon you right now. Just replace those thoughts with, “I’m confident with my language skills. I’m doing my very best at the present moment, and I can only improve from here. Anyone who judges me probably doesn’t speak another language and has no place around me. Their judgements are meaningless because I know who I am and how smart I really am.”

Or something like that.

Regardless, making mistakes is imperative to learning anything. I call these formative errors.

As an aside, the key difference between the aforementioned method and what I’m describing in this post is that for us, the practice of emotional willingness via mindfulness is critical in keeping the emotions from becoming blockages in your learning and practice. Mindfulness isn’t just beneficial for learning a new language, but for pretty much everything in your life. For now, you can just look at the numerous pieces of research on the topic.

In summary: notice those feelings and then feel​ them intentionally then once you’re centered enough, identify and change the thoughts and beliefs that cause them. Allow yourself time and practice with these skills, just like any other.

English: The most important thing is how you see yourself.

With these small changes in your thinking and behavior, you will make remarkable strides in your learning. At first, these changes will be subtle. But trust me, they will occur. Persist even when you don’t see any new skills developing. The brain will play cat-and-mouse with you sometimes. Don’t let it psych you out. Sometimes it takes longer for it to “get into the mode,” of learning a language than it does for other things. But it will click one day as long as you don’t give up. When it does, you’ll see the world in a whole new and exciting way.

Just one more thing: sleep is essential for the process of creating new neurological pathways and creating long-term memories. So make sure you’re getting enough sleep!

Awesome! Now you’re ready to continue your journey. Go forth and create your own confidence in your target language!

Oh and by the way: congrats! Reading this article counts as one step of the learning process you can check off your list! Look at you. Already a step forward. Boom.

Copyright © 2021 Cavin Graves, All Rights Reserved

#ESL #languagelearning #learnenglish #learnfrench #languageacquisition #mindfulness #cognitivebehavioraltherapy #cbt #dissonance
['Cavin G.']
['Language Learning', 'Language', 'English', 'French', 'English Language']