7 Days
May 2002

Day 01: One

It is the last week of my summer vacation, I & my friends planned to go to Goa we were so excited to do this, it was one of the items on the bucket lists. We decided to meet up in our hostel (checkpoint) & then leave to Goa from there (Monday evening). I took the train on Sunday evening to Bangalore(hostel) & reached the next morning as it was a hectic ride I didn’t get much rest so I went directly to the hostel instead of waiting for my friends to arrive at the station, As soon as I got to the hostel I hit the bed and slept like a panda. Around 1:00 PM I awake, didn’t feel like getting up from the bed but need to check on my friends as Goa is a priority than sleep, went to their rooms to check on them but their rooms were locked, they were supposed to be there by 10:00 AM, thought they would have gone for lunch but that also seemed out of place cause they would have wake me up to join them, I got confused what to do, so sat there for few minutes with these thoughts then after a while got up grabbed my wallet and went to the Tea stall(the usual hangout spot of our squad) went inside the telephone booth near to the stall called my buddy Joseph [Joseph is the rich kid in our squad his father runs a hotel in Dubai & he is the only one who owns a cellphone in the gang, not only that he is the one who is sponsoring this trip so that makes him the critical member & the captain of the gang] He didn’t pick the call I tried ringing him for an hour but he wasn’t picking the call it really made me lose my temper I smashed the handset back to the holder few times & walked out of the booth the stall owner gave me a look of anger for the mess I created in the booth so to calm him I ordered a pack of Marlboro cigarette & a Boomer bubble gum while smoking I thought of the situation I am in, it’s like I don’t know what happened to Joseph or Is our trip still green light or what happened to others why aren’t they here yet. I went back to the hostel, warden reach me out before I went into my room said Mahesh had called enquiring whether joseph came to the hostel or any of his classmates came in, hearing it kinda relieved me so I asked the warden whether I can him back with his phone he said okay I called up Mahesh his mom picked the call & then later handed over to him I asked him why the hell are you at home why isn’t anyone at the hostel as planned, what happened to joseph why is he avoiding calls, Mahesh understood my anger & clammy replied me with a question that when was the last time you had a conversation with joseph I got more pissed cause this guy not only, not answering my question but ask me a question back I started cursing him. Mahesh again calmly said yo dummy joseph is on “Roll”[joseph sometimes travels somewhere in his motorbike without informing anyone we call this activity of his Joseph on roll] it made sense to me cause if he is on roll the whole trip is haywire without him(sponsor) we can’t afford this trip. Mahesh said he informed all the other friends about this on Sunday, as I didn’t have a telephone@home or a mobile he couldn’t get a hold of me. Later that call I went into the room dropped & smashed a few of joseph's stuff in the ground & smoked a whole pack just to get over the Goa trip. My tummy started making sound & I knew it was craving for some goa food but instead, it is destined to have the rice & sambar. After getting my body recharged I went to a tea stall & bought a cigarette started smoking as the college is on vacation the place was not crowded & in a sense, it was peaceful [usually it isn’t] while smoking I noticed a kid staring at me. Suddenly my hand moved & handed over a boomer to the kid, he took it & gave a cute smile somehow with all these tensions how to manage whole week alone at the hostel, flop goa plan, frustrated at joseph, this kid’s smile just break the stress in me.

Day 02: Nostalgia

Shocking of the day I got up at 6:00 am sharp, I only get up this early during exams. I had no mood to fresh up as I didn’t have any better things to do, so I just stayed in bed but the brain is such an annoying thing it just brought back all this memory of yesterday I felt pissed so to avoid this I had to get up & do something. I went out to tea stall[Thinking I would see that kid] I saw that kid playing with his friends nearby to the stall I went in & got my usual stuff when I was about to finish my last puff the kid noticed me & ran towards I knew he would come to get boomer[kids always like stuff like toys, snacks or anything which gets them curiosity I know this cause I was a kid once:P] As he came near me I handed a boomer to him but this time that smile didn’t do any magic, he sat near me & started talking, he asked me like a ton of question like about my beard, my stay, my studies but the strange one was the last question that he asked me. He said how does a cigarette taste like? that left me speechless after some minutes he walked away to his friends. I really got taken back I wasn’t expecting it, I got back to my room & went to sleep with this thought, it kinda brought back old memories I think it was 11 or 13 years back my father was working as labor in the USA, the company which he was working went bankrupt & he lost his job so he had to come back. At the same time mom died due to some health issue it was kinda dark days for my family I was only used to see my father a month in a year but now the situation changed it was total awkwardness between me & my father for few months we managed with his saving money. After that, he needed a job but around here he & mom had given an impression like he was working as a manager for a big company so he was a big shot around here so he couldn't go for some small jobs cause that would make people gossips & that haunts his pride[truth is he was just labor over there only the pay was good for us to live a luxury life here] So he & few his friends together started smuggling items like cigarettes, perfumes, liquors & sold here for a low price. One day while playing I got his bag & opened it & found a videotape I soon took it to neighbor's house as they had a video player & I played it, it was a clip for Marlboro cigarette advertisement[CLICK_HERE}. It really had me hooked I use to watch it minimum once a day, the video was just about a cowboy & a horse & 11 or 15-sec screen presence of smoking I used to think it was a movie & dress up as the cowboy & hold choke piece in my mouth as a cigarette, use a long stick as a horse. I played like this forever during my childhood even once in school when my teacher was asking what everyone want to be when grown up, I answered I want to be a CowBoy most of my friends didn’t know what it meant & my teacher thought I made up a superhero name like Shaktiman, what a dummy but the fact is even I don’t know what it means. I just loved the swag & style so much. It didn’t take many days for me to find a Marlboro cigarette smuggled packet in one of his bags, one of the bags contained a lot of it that I thought taking one would not make a difference. I took one cigarette & placed in my mouth & showed off in front of my friends it really got me the vibe of a cowboy but it didn’t last many days. My friends got bored seeing me doing this routine, so one day I light it up & acted like smoking[I was just lighting it & keeping it in my mouth but didn’t try to suck in]to get back their attention but as days gone I learned how to smoke, the day I smoked one completely I got sick, dad was psyched cause he didn’t know what to do but I was scared that if dad gets to know how I got sick he gonna kill me & hospitalize & then kill me again. I prayed to God that if he doesn't find how it happened I will stop smoking. My luck, I got well soon & he didn’t have a clue what I was doing on his back but it got him sad that he felt he isn’t a good father, can’t blame him the whole maintaining a child along with smuggling stuff is new for him so he decided to shift me to hostel & study from there so most of the time I lived all alone & I hated that. And yes I started smoking again cause now nobody will know, the next thing I know I used to smoke after every meal, every snack time, So when I was lying in bed remembering these stuff I realized I don’t care how it tastes but I am pretty sure how it makes me feel & that’s a great feeling for me [It was kinda in my PUC I got to know that when USA announced cigarette cause cancer in 11–01-1964 a loss of 10 billion happened for tobacco companies but Marlboro was intelligent enough they came up with that ad, other market strategy & changed the whole market and made profit within a year & recent survey it proved that Marlboro has got more consumers than its next 10 competitors combined & I’m proud to be one, I know it's stupid but admit it sounds cool].

Day 03: Sin

I was so happy about yesterday I wanted to get that kid something for making me remember old stuff so during lunch I went near the tea stall & purchased a Honey cake & cigarette waited outside for the kid to come by. My college Lecture passed by the store & noticed me in a flash I push the cigarette to my pocket & went up to him to have a casual talk & it was strange to hold cake & converse so I partitioned the cake & shared the half with him[Mom always used to say when someone stares at the food you better share it or else you will get a stomach ache I don’t know why but I didn’t have the courage to dare this concept] lecturer hesitated when I gave him a piece of cake but while in conversation he was completely locked on to the cake. After a while he left, as soon as he was out of the scene I tried to pull out the cigarette from the pocket but couldn’t find it [The detective in me got out] I literally swept the whole place to find it, seeing me the stall owner asked did you lose anything I nodded back. he replied the kids were playing around there they might have found it ask them, I asked him where can I find them he gave me directions to the nearby ground where they usually hang out. It took me few minutes to reach there & I saw the kid, he had the cigarette in his mouth & trying to light it with a match stick seeing him like that I did what any adult would do Smashed him in the head & snatch the cigarette from his mouth. It really pissed him off he started crying & shouting, his friends were trying to calm him, I asked why did you steal the cigarette & what were you trying to do smoke it ah? he shouted back he didn’t steal it, he found it lying in the road & who am I to judge what he was doing he went on like that blah blah blah blah & then started cursing me that hit my nerve so I hit him again [I knew this time I hit him hard cause even my hand was in pain] he started screaming & grab the mud from the ground & throw at me & flee. I thought to myself what a stubborn kid.

Day 04: Salvation

Being in the hostel all alone started to take a toll on me I started smashing stuff in my room & running around like a ghost in the hall until it got me tired, I sat in the hall thinking about college reopening, new semester, trolling friends but as I said before the brain is such an annoying thing it made me remember about yesterday, till then I thought I did the right thing by beating him but now I’m having second thoughts, thinking about it made me realize that the kid did exactly what I did when I was a kid, try to smoke a cigarette to showoff & if someone caught me doing it & hit me when I’m around with my friends back then I would have also started cursing & shouting. Now I started feeling guilt for the thing I did to him, the crying face was the only thing that was running in a loop in my mind, I couldn’t stop thinking about him just to stop feeling guilt I decide to punish myself by fasting for the whole day[I know it sounds lame but I needed to fool my brain somehow to get this feeling out of my chest]. It worked somehow till the evening then my stomach started fighting for some food this really put me in a situation[I don’t know whether anyone has experienced like this being alone with guilt, it really haunts you] I remembered a philosophy of my father, which he told me when I was 15 or 16 I fought with one of my classmate in school I thrashed that poor guy & my father had to come to the principal chamber to negotiate the punishment after getting scolded from my teacher, principal, his parents it was finally my dad’s turn he said I know you feel what you did is right & hitting someone is alright but what you did is just overpowered a person who couldn’t fight, it’s human nature to always look down on people who are low in the hierarchy may it be at home or with friends or age-wise or knowledge-wise or according to power, we always try to step on them with conscious or not, I know it's hard not to do it but remember it is not the right thing to do. Back then it didn’t make any sense but now it’s a different story. While I was lost in thoughts my tummy got me back to the present & I couldn’t continue to fight my tummy any longer so I made a deal with the devil[brain] that the first thing I do tomorrow is going to apologize so that now I can go out & feed some food.

Day 05: Bonding

As soon as I wake up I didn’t waste any time went into the bathroom to fresh up & scripted the whole sorry speech which I wanted to say to the kid, as I headed out the warden called me & said joseph is in the clinic, he had an accident & need me to pick him up. Hearing it my sorry ass turned to angry one, I walked to the clinic which is 5-7 km away from the hostel with rage. I reached the clinic & saw him sitting in the corner with bandage all around his right arm I went near to him & was about to punch him in the face, the nurse came in for informing him about the medication & said he was lucky that he didn’t get hurt much hearing those stuff, I hold on to my anger for a little while. Took key of the motorbike from him & said to him lets get you to your kingdom. We got back to the hostel room, he didn’t speak much he was gazing at the room I said I’m sorry about a few of your stuff got damaged the other day when I was cleaning. He said that’s alright we sat there for a while without talking that was a bit weird for us, I didn’t know what to do whether to ask about the accident or let my anger out for ditching the goa trip. After some time he started talking to me, he was sorry for screwing the trip [As I heard it I was about to let the anger out] without pausing to let me speak he continued with reasoning, saying that his girlfriend dumped him & got engaged to some businessman & he got depressed knowing it, he didn’t know what to do, so he wanted to get out of there & go somewhere like solo ride[In my mind I was confused cause he was in a relationship with 2 girls currently I didn’t know which one is he talking about & he said he wanted to get out, then Goa was perfect destination so why did he ditch that] he kept on saying how much he cared about her, what she meant for him, what all they planned together for the future. I literally zoned out I’m thinking what an asshole is this guy, he has perfect life-money, knowledge, good looks & 2 girlfriends(one now) but still complaining, whereas I was always jealous about him felt like a loser when comparing to him I should be the one whining. He kept on going & suddenly I saw something miracle he started crying this would make any other person in my position feel sorry for him but I didn’t. I let the anger out on him gave a pat/slap in the back & said you know what you're saying right, you’re depressed seriously you want me to believe that, if she didn’t dump you one of these days you would have, cause you always do this to other what special this time, why this change of heart suddenly, you’re an asshole & you deserved every bit of this so stop whining[After saying this I kinda felt kinda cool, walked away & went to terrace]. It turned noon & the Devil started his work I started to feel a bit bad for being harsh on him, I still stand by my words but the way I said to him was savage I could’ve been assertive. I was already on a guilt trip now one more of this what a day. Felt like I was a guileful person[In a way we all are right! we all make friendship for selfish reasons like for company, for help in studies, to spend money for us, to avoid bullies, to play with, etc(et cetera)]. Now I was in thought whether what I said due to the jealousy & for dumping the trip.[He walked in & sat beside me] I was about to say sorry, he looked at me & asked you are not gonna say you’re sorry right [man I should stop thinking loud] I replied no way, he smiled & said well good cause what you said really brought me back to my senses [we laughed]. I asked what’s with the accident don’t tell me you plan to kill yourself. He replied just when I thought you said something smart you ruined it by this dumb question, do you really think I’m that brave(laughs) Nah man; It was 3 guys on a bike I think they were in some rush, they were speeding at 100kmph & got in my way so I couldn't put brakes on the right time & hit the pole in the corner of the road[we stayed up some more time there talking bullshit & later went for lunch].

Day 06: Death

Yesterday we roamed all night & went to sleep in the early morning, we were so tired that we slept till 11:30 in the morning. when we got up he said let's go out for brunch, I totally agreed if it's biriyani. As we heading out I saw his girlfriend-02 standing near the gate waiting for him I started walking slowly so that he has enough time to catch up till I get there but to my shock, he ended their conversation in 5 minutes I asked him what’s up, did you just break up or what? he replied Yes, that response shook me, I stopped him before getting to the bike & asked him to tell me what really happened. He replied hey man you gave me a big lecture yesterday so I felt I need to do the right thing from now on so ended my casual relationship[I was taken back a moment hearing it]. I replied saying if ending a relationship is this easy even I wanna do it[he laughed] he said to do to that you suppose to have one first[when he counters he just slays]. We finished our brunch & went to the tea stall ordered our usual stuff as I was having my tea I asked the owner about the kid [he looked pale when I asked him that] owner responded saying that the kid has died & his funeral was yesterday, I thought I misheard him for a moment cause I just saw the kid the other day he was looking fine as new. I was in shock I didn’t respond but Joseph asked directions for the kid’s home [I told him about the kid earlier] Joseph said let's go by the kid’s house & later go to the hostel, I nodded back. As we reached the kid's house I realized that I don’t even know his name & my went completely blank. Joseph poked me & said we should go in & express our condolence to his parents, at the same moment I saw one of the kid’s friends walked out of the house I stopped him & asked what happened, he took a long pause & then replied Alex got in a road accident & died, Joseph, noticed something strange with this kid & took him aside & said something to him to make him get on the bike & asked me to hop in then he drove back to the tea stall. He bought a honey cake for that kid & asked him to tell me what’s your name, the kid replied it’s Raj[joseph handed over the honey cak] Now tell me what happened to Alex & when did you last saw him, Raj looked bit confused but somehow he felt certain comfort with joseph so he started talking, Raj said a few weeks back he & Alex saw someone in this store smoking & making rings in smoke Alex got so fascinated by it, He wanted to know how he does it but he couldn’t talk to him as we were late for tuition. A day before we saw the same guy with some of his friends near the ground Alex said he would go & talk to them but I didn’t want to accompany him cause they looked scary so I went back home, Later in the evening I gotta know about his accident. The store owner was eavesdropping on the whole conversation & his face indicated he was simulating all this information in his mind, he suddenly jumped into the conversation & asked Raj to describe the face & personality of the guy who Alex went to have converse with, Raj replied with an average description & also said that guy had 2 more friends with him [Raj finished eating the honey cake & left] Joseph asked the owner whether he knows these guys, the owner replied if I am not wrong the description matches to stoner who sometimes drop by the store & shared his thought about the accident by saying what if they gave some kind of drug to Alex that made him lose his mind, Joseph soon asked what makes you say that. The owner replied that the bystander said Alex was running all over the main road like crazy, few vehicles managed not to hit him but the truck couldn’t, he was running right towards it that’s how the accident took place. People in the tea stall also joined into the conversation & shared their thoughts on the topic[One thing about starting a rumor in a tea stall is that it will soon gonna end up being the talk of the town], As they all got busy in the discussion I sat there in shock & didn’t know what to think or to do about it.

Day 07: Sunday

Saturday midnight I couldn’t sleep I kept rolling over in bed but it seems I was disturbing joseph he was in deep sleep, So I got up & decided to go for a walk. The streets were peaceful so I went around campus until I saw a dog, It kept staring at me like it was about to hunt me down I got scared & ran like no tomorrow towards the hostel. I went to bed but still couldn’t sleep, I was in pain that I couldn’t find anyone to blame for Alex’s death. As thoughts started pouring into me I thought if I had made a blind eye on him the other day & let him try smoke would that have changed anything, will he be alive, I couldn’t stop the idea that if I had done something different would this never happen, I was confused what would been the right decision that I could have taken, but slowly my thoughts shifted to stall owner’s theory what if those bastards gave or forced Alex to do drug which led to the death it is pretty convenience theory & easy way to put blame on others & escape from this feeling of guilt. [I got up from the bed as I was feeling thirsty so went to get some water & saw the time it was 3 in the morning]I went back to bed thinking I had never been this much sleepless not even during exams, Now as I had someone to blame on I thought, I will be able to sleep but I couldn’t because the last thing I did to him is thrashing him & the guilt came right back at me, so I was right back to zero. The brain is such a strange thing it puts you in a prison & also lets you escape from it & plays it in the loop. As I was playing this blame game between me & those guys suddenly a thought came across, what if this whole thing happened to him because of his curiosity what if he went to ask those stoners to teach him to do the ring smoke but ended up by stealing a drug from them & used it which made him go nuts, I know thinking this very thought makes me sounds like evil but I was not able to neglect the chances for this possibility, cause drugs ain’t cheap even stoners won’t give to kids that easily unless they are pure evil but still I can’t be sure of it, If those guys get caught also first thing nobody would care to listen to them but if anybody did care then also we never know whatever their explanation is true or not cause there is no truth in this world without some masala in it or a lie without some truth in it. I could not stop thinking that Alex's curiosity may have led to this scenario, I am not blaming him but it made more sense to me cause curiosity is the very thing that led humans to evolve to this level & it's the same thing that leading to destruction. As infinite amount of theories & thoughts ran past my brain I started feeling sick, all this emotion started eating me, what I was going through was just make me think that I am not one of the reasons which led Alex to die. I remembered a quote said by my friend that from the moment of birth every emotion & thought are influenced into us by others it takes time to mature out of it & start to think & act by ourselves, so I realized that yes I was a bad influence to Alex no matter however I look at it & I can’t do anything about it now. My thoughts were moving towards the conclusion that we can’t choose how others take our act[Alarm clock started beeping] I realized it’s 6:00 am already & Joseph was getting ready for his morning jog he saw me how pale I looked, he realized I didn’t sleep well so he pulled me out of bed & made me join for the walk. As we were walking I saw the dog which stared at me yesterday, as today I had joseph with me I acted all tough as if the dog gives a damn. It started raining from nowhere we ran towards the tea stall for shades, we both sat there suddenly a man came running towards the store & started speaking gibberish the Owner said to him take a moment breath & talk slowly. The stranger said that someone at the bus stop caught those stoners they were trying to escape from the city. As soon as people in the stall heard him saying this all of them turned ON their rage & they were ready to go to the bus stop to thrash those guys even Joseph got up & went to join them, I don’t know whether the philosophy or the adult who always escapes from the world problems took over my senses I pulled back joseph & said let it slide its SUNDAY.
['Ajith Kumar U K']
['Beginner', 'Thoughts And Feelings', 'Fiction', 'Life', 'Short Story']