I took 4 tabs of acid in quarantine, here’s what happened…
Day 49 in Quarantine,

1st day of the 8th week,

2 weeks in solo isolation without seeing anyone, other than myself of course.

I decided to take 4 tabs of acid.

Since the start of quarantine I knew this would be an opportune time to have a solid trip. I’ve always loved an acid journey but life and time always gets in the way of being able to do it properly. I end up cramming a trip into a music festival or on a vacation with friends. But even then you never really have enough time to give it a good crack, life is invariably full of commitments. Enter COVID-19.

One of the drawbacks of acid is the long time it takes to reintegrate. Personally I need to allow a full 36 hours from start to end to return to normal. Where we land on normal is a topic up for discussion later in this post.

I digress.

In the lead up to knowing that I wanted to take a deep trip I started reading 2 books that have been sitting on my bookshelf for a while. I promised myself I wasn’t going to do the trip until I worked through both cover to cover.

I saw this weekend open up and thought this looks like the perfect date. So I tucked headfirst into the wind through the 1000 or so pages of dense psychedelic literature:

The Way of the Psychonaut — Encyclopedia for Inner Journeys by Stanislav Grof

The Psychedelic Explorer’s Guide : Safe, Therapeutic and Sacred Journeys by James Fadiman

These two books are probably the most important safe manuals on how to execute a full blown inner expedition. I learnt a lot about safety precautions for my soul before attempting to tear it to pieces. I had undertaken my psychonaut training, passing all the exams with flying colors. I was primed and ready for blast off (or blast in depending on how you look at it).

I’d be lying if I didn’t have some nervous energy in the lead up to ignition, even with 60 years and millions of safe case studies behind me. I told my friends Victor and Kelly who were 5 blocks away what I was doing and if they would be around if anything happened and I could call them. These two people made me feel safe and loved, also purveyors of safe journeys they would know what to do, god forbid I needed to pull the escape parachute.

In the morning I woke up. Meditated for 20 minutes. Had a smoothie. Wrote 2 pages in my journal. I then formulated questions I wanted answers for this trip:

What is the cherry on top?

What was my birth like?

How do I meet my spirit guide?

How can I heal my injured body?

I also wrote a note to myself:

Stay positive. You are loved. So much to look forward to. Here’s to the next level

1100 — I took two liquid hits of LSD from the bottom end of a tasty vial I acquired out in LA. I also took two tabs of a batch from Mexico City. I wanted to split the sources as I didn’t want to put too many eggs in one basket. I also thought one source had a darker backstory and kinda considered them as a nice yin and yang complimentary tone. For those counting at home I think this was the equivalent of 400 ug of LSD, but the annoying thing with LSD is you never really know how much you took.

I set up my bedroom all nice. I dragged every plant from our apartment into my room and put the nice big Marshall speakers right by the bed. I dropped in Bill Richards 5hrs LSD playlist on spotify, threw on eye shades and tucked myself under the covers.

I felt the come up pretty quickly surprisingly within the first 20 minutes. This gave me a little anxiety as I thought maybe I had taken too much. I started tripping, maybe the liquid LSD had been concentrated and maybe I’d dosed myself wayyyyy more than I thought? Minutes later none of this would matter. I was in heaven.

When I say heaven, I think it’s surely why the holy brothers decided to build all these churches. Other religions call it Nirvana. In the Vedic worldview which I am studying they call it Brahman. In reality it’s all the same thing they all talk about — the end of self. Moreover the forgetting of self. Pure transcendence. The complete obliteration of Barron. But what then? What happens when your ego is totally destroyed and it’s just pure consciousness? At first there is this wanting not to let go. Like Am I supposed to be here? Am I at the right place? Awww I kinda like all my old things and my friends…but this is the point where you really need to LET GO. Surrender to the full force. Drop the bags with the bellboy and don’t get no luggage tags because where we’re going we don’t need them anyway.

The difficult part about explaining all this. There is no “I” so there is no point of reference. At this point you cannot say “I” saw this, because well “I” do not exist. But seeing you’re still here, and “I” am still a bit high “I” will try and explain anyway. If you want to skip to the end there are answers in the footnotes. But don’t worry there is no test so I encourage you to not skip ahead. HINT: There are no footnotes.

So then you’re in Nirvana. What I like to call “Touching the Source”. For me this is the direct connection with the soul of the universe. The essence of being. The point right before the big bang. Everything after that is just an iteration of infinite multiple alternate realities, all of which unfold before your eyes. You realise this source is what created everything. The entire history of the universe unfolds before you up until this very iteration which is you lying in a bed surrounded by houseplants in the middle of Williamsburg during a pandemic. BAM just like that you’re out of it and you’re back in your ego thinking about you again. Are the neighbors seeing me right now? Is this music really loud? Is my roommate going to come home? You start being you again, which kinda sucks.

At some point I was able to trace my physical bodies path to existence back through being a sperm, meeting the egg, being a fetus, growing in my mummas belly and coming out into the world. I could see the looks on my parents and god mother’s face when I arrived. I had vivid recounts of being there in the hospital room and the feeling of LOVE in this world. A feeling that has been resonating from the day I was born. A feeling that will continue to resonate as long as I am breathing and perhaps longer.

This lasted for a couple hours. Swaying between being back on earth and somewhere in between. For the most part this is pure euphoric bliss. You feel the music. You see the patterns of light radiating around the room. The whole world shines brilliant. You know the way you hear music and see light will never be the same again.

At some point during all of this I orgasmed twice.

I then roll over and open my journal. My first log reads:

1313 — Can hardy write…great feeling.

Should call Victor about Ozzie.

Text Alana and Adin.

Alchemy. Magic happening.

This idea of resonance..souls.memories, generations. What still echoes?

This is followed by 3 more pages of ramblings that I will decipher over the next few weeks. Many brilliant ideas are there, if I can read my own handwriting.

1437 — Text to Victor and Kelly:

Early field report: would say the dosage was below fatal *alien emoji* We good thanks for being there.

1530 — I started calling my earthling buddies. My close friends who I knew could help me safely land the spaceship. These were some beautiful, funny and loving conversations.

I spent the afternoon basking in the glorious sunny day while playing music on the roof. This lasted about 2.5hrs just enjoying the suns rays, dancing, listening to divine music and just letting the pleasure of being a human being sink in. I made several trips between the apartment and the roof often realising I forgot something, going back down stairs forgetting what I was looking for, having a big laugh about it and going back up. Most of this time was spent trying to work out where my journal was.

The pattern would go something like this: Good idea comes into my brain, fuck yeah I should write that one down, look around, where the fuck is my journal, get up, walk around for a bit, look at something, go into another room, find my journal, idea gone. I swear I lost at least 5 amazing ideas in this fashion. Next time I think I’ll place 4 journals around the apartment, one in every possible room. Like a fisherman with 4 lines in the water, I’ll get those ideas next time.

1812 — While the acid still lingered (strong visuals, waves of euphoria, general dissociation with sober reality) I thought this would be a good time to double down my explorations and see what a little Ketamine would throw into the mix.

Ketamine is the strangest drug I have encountered so far. The beauty of K is it really takes you where IT wants. It can be a rainy sober tuesday night and you take a little bump that lifts you off the planet OR you could be off your tits in Tulum with 1000 people in the jungle and it will take you in an entirely different direction. The best part about K is precisely 45 mins after you stop you’re good to go clear as a daisy and could fully drive a car from NY to LA without missing a traffic light. Regardless of where you started you know where you’ll land because there’s a good to fair chance you won't move very far, but you’ve been very far, if you know what I mean. There’s a good reason the World Health Organisation lists Ketamine as an essential medicine and there has been significant research into ketamine’s use in treating depression and other mental illnesses in the last decade. 9 out of 10 doctors I know recommend it, so it must be good for you. In this instance K took me exactly where I needed to be, again.

I lay on my roof listening to the most incredible tunes my spotify shuffle had decided to deal me. What was playing didn’t matter so much as what I was able to do with the rhythms of the beats. In my mind I was able to ride the rhythm into a tidal wave of bliss which basically created a full blown brain orgasm. Like the feeling when you’re coming, without the boner though. It’s as if your purpose for being is validated and you are just floating in the matrix in a paradox of thoughtlessness and all thoughts combined. For how long it lasts I could not tell you. At this point time has no meaning nor care. You are just pure consciousness surfing a rhythm of beats. On earth time probably about 45 minutes.

After the K wore off I laid about on the roof for another hour or so and watched the most beautiful sunset. I tried to take some photos on my film camera but ended jamming the film. Months later I found this image at the end of a roll.

I called some more people. I called my parents in Australia to tell them about the trip. At some point later in the night I texted my mum saying “I would love to do LSD with you one day. I think you would love it”. Mum replied with a heavy hint “I would be open to it when you are around more.xx”. I spent some more hours formulating how to convince dad to come around. Some of which may perhaps be the inspiration for writing this post. Dad if you are here reading this, let it be duly noted your interest has at least been piqued. If you’re not here yet don’t worry I’ll resend the link to your inbox in case the last one got deleted or some other excuse you might have. I have no doubt in your quarantine boredom if you haven’t gone over the broadband data limit because you’ve just downloaded Netflix and are watching Tiger King, I know you’ll read this. Dad I love you.

My mum asked me tonight, with the tone of a curious yet probably hoping her son is not a drug addict inflection “Why do you feel like you need to take this drug?”. I would think it’s not about needing to take it, but thinking about who I would be had I never taken it for the first time 10 years ago. I would say a vastly different Barron who I love being. I’m so damn glad my consciousness has pondered down this iteration of the infinite alternate storylines. It’s encouraged deep exploration of states of consciousness which ultimately led me to vedic meditation, the most important daily practice I have. If it wasn’t for this drug I would indeed not be having this interaction with you albeit via some words on a screen. But being insanely grateful that you are all here in this experience I am having, that you are having, that we are all essentially having. And I think that is the great realization of any deep inner journey is when you get to the core you realize we are all one. I am you. You are me. We are all having this simultaneous experience together. Since the beginning of time and until the end. Does it feel like you tripped with me yet?

Why take so many tabs at once? Someone once told me “only those who have been over the edge know where the edge is”… I’ve used this idea to push my body to extremes in ultramarathons and fasting. What I learnt is that our bodies are capable of way more than we think. In fact getting outside of our bodies makes us realise just how powerful humans really are. The unfortunate thing about this whole 4 tab experience. We still do not know where the edge is. The search continues. I guess it’s the same addiction adrenalin junkies get, they want more of a rush. It’s a kind of what makes us human in our ability to adapt. We’re all addicts in one way or another. The good part about acid is after a solid trip you have no inkling to touch the drug for a while. Maybe it is addictive but on a longer term kinda deal. Like how often you change the oil in your car. Don’t worry dad I don’t change my oil as often as you.

2115 — I got super hungry because I hadn’t eaten all day so decided to throw on my face mask and pay the lord’s saviours down at Best Pizza a good hello. I ordered two veggies and two whites. If you know Best Pizza you know what I’m fuckin tallking about here. You thought I touched Nirvana with 4 tabs of acid. Hell nah it’s right here 2 blocks away at Best fucking Pizza. I hope one day the guys at Best Pizza and me are all buddies. And I can show this story about how I had Best Pizza during COVID-19 after tripping my face off all day and how close their pizza comes to heaven.

I came home and ate said pizza on my roof and watched the empire state building flash her beautiful lights in honor of the healthcare workers. I spent the next hour rearranging my house and putting all the plants back in their correct homes.

2300 — I had scheduled a zoom hangout with some friends. To be honest using a computer was still at this point (12 hours in) a pretty tough object. I did however manage to amble through 2 hours of banter and 3 beers later, enough digital socialising for one acid trip. I landed back on me. Back in my shell. My ego. My Barron. All though alcohol helps to take the edge off.

0100 — I decided to take a long look in the mirror and did some holotropic breathwork. This breathwork which is explored and used heavily by Stanislov Grof has been known to induce LSD like feelings without drugs using breathing alone. SO at this point the breathing brought back the trip full in all its glory. For a moment I was dropped into pure silence. Drunk on oxygen my whole body felt light and fully alive. It reminded me how important air is.

I meditated. Then I did 2 sets of 50 pushups then a full core workout. I made a banana and peanut butter smoothie. Then I had an ice cold shower, the cold ego death.

0250 — At the end of all this I wrote another note in my diary:

Maybe what this trip was about. Becoming a Man

I looked back at my intention questions. It’s hard to say which ones were truly answered. My takeaway, at least for tonight was that this trip was about me stepping into my manhood. I am certain more insights will come from this trip. Acid always has a strong afterburn. A glow that stays in your skin for weeks. A seed that blossoms ideas and creativity for days, weeks, months, years ahead. It builds upon other consciousness explorations before it and compounds.

This made me think about a quote that is often attributed to Albert Einstein where he said: “Compounding interest is the 8th wonder of the world”. I had always thought about this in a strictly monetary ideal and it had always struck me as an odd Einstein quote. I now understand at least for me that the inherent value of compounding consciousnesses experiences is a wonder of the world. Most important, to take time to reflect upon the experience, write your feelings (as such you are reading) and then build upon them for your next exploration. This drew parallels with the cascading orgasm of thoughts I had experienced earlier. That perhaps what our souls purpose is to is to continue to have deeper and more beautiful experiences which culminate and grow on each other which eventually leads us back to where it all started: Nirvana/Heaven/Brahman/The Source et. al

0422 — It is now ~18 hrs post drop and I’m putting the final few words on this piece of writing. I will not be able to sleep tonight so I am going to tuck into the Michael Jordan documentary. After I sleep and sometime on Sunday I’ll wake up. I will read this. Edit out the parts I don’t want my parents, future lovers or perhaps my kids to read and will send to my close friends by email.

0636 — UPDATE: I just went to watch the Michael Jordan documentary everyone's been raving about. To be honest I don’t even have a TV. So to actually watch anything I have to sneak into my roommates room and work out how to turn the whole bloody thing on. Anyway that took a while. I get all the way to the Netflix and guess what? No fucking Michael Jordan documentary because it’s locked up on ESPN+ in my region or some corporate bullshit. So I lay in my sorrow for about 2 minutes and looked up. My search I entered “The’’ and the next available film was “The Little Prince”. I had read the book earlier this year and was delighted by this turn of synchronistic events. Turns out the movie is fucking incredible and had so many parallels to a LSD trip. I laughed and cried. The whole theme of the book/movie is about remembering to never forget your inner child. The sweet irony was not lost on me as my one main takeaway from this whole trip about becoming a man. SO everything came full circle and I was basically back at the start again but now a solid 20hrs had passed. I had a big laugh about that and came to realise that life is full of contradictions, loop de loops, stories that go nowhere and in the end none of it really matters. Nothing matters. I do not matter. I am not matter. So it reminded me that when life gets you to a dead end just have a big laugh and get on with it because it doesn’t matter.

0720 — I took this photo as the sun tore a brilliant ray through the patchy morning cloud landing upon my tender face. If you look closely you can see the Empire State Building. I told you mum, safely back on Earth.

If you are still here and got all the way to the end of this, add a comment. If you know someone who could benefit from this post, share it with them. If you’d like to share your own psychedelic recounts I would love to hear them, message me. If you’re perfectly happy reading my recounts, that’s dope too, follow me here, I’ll go to inner space for you anyday.

In the end nothing really matters. I’m you. You are me. We’re all part of one indivisible source, and the core of that source is love.
['Barron Hanson']
['Ketamine', 'Tripping', 'Psychedelics', 'Quarantine', 'Acid']