62 percent of black women say dating has gotten harder
62 percent of black women say dating has gotten harder

Scams, lies and physical risks are the top culprit to blame in dating woes

Photo credit: Nappy/Pexels

There are an awful lot of people who plan on sitting out the dating scene in 2020. More than half of women say dating has gotten harder in the past 10 years, according to a recent Pew Research study. Of these numbers, black women agreed the most (62 percent), followed by 55 percent of white women and 50 percent of Hispanic women. On the other hand, men overall agreed with them 39 percent of the time.

Of these numbers for both men and women, 54 percent are black, 48 percent are white and 42 percent are Hispanic. (Interestingly, Hispanic people were more likely than the other two groups to say dating has gotten easier — at 31 percent.)

But what exactly is the big deal about dating now versus in 2010? My guess is shows like “Catfish” haven’t convinced people to dive into the online dating world. In addition to physical risks, the top anti-dating reasons are attributed to lies or scams.

Technology gets the blame 12 percent of the time, followed by a 10 percent tie between dating being more impersonal and it being harder to meet new people. The latter vote caught my attention the most, especially considering online dating markets have become far less touche and more commonplace. The same people you may never walk by in a club, concert or grocery store are sitting right in front of your computer screen. However, just because someone is available doesn’t mean it’s a winning combination — and 11 percent agree that dating is far too casual as opposed to those looking for serious relationships. (If your dating profile highlights “hookups,” that ranking goes to you.)

All is not lost though. Of these surveyors (of all races) who said dating is easier today (23 percent of men, 16 percent of women) or dating is about the same (37 percent of men, 28 percent of women), technology had equal weight with both (41 percent). Also, 27 percent of men and 32 percent of women say it is easier to meet people. Neither is super swayed that societal norms have changed, with only 12 percent of men saying it and 9 percent of women saying it.

Republican-leaning groups of all ages outrank Democrats in stating that it’s harder for men to know how to act during the #MeTooMovement, bypassing Dems (56 percent) with a 75 percent lead. Republicans who are 65 and older are the most paranoid age demographic regarding the anti-harassment movement, with a 72 percent ranking.

Photo credit: Nappy/Pexels

And Donald Trump voters are definitely catching more flack than Hillary Clinton voters. That 2016 decision is the third top deal breaker (at 47 percent) for today’s singles, only outnumbered by singles with a significant amount of debt and living too far away. Meanwhile Clinton voters only got a 26 percent rejection rate, with Republican singles still getting rejected first (27 percent). Of all singles who were surveyed, 73 percent would definitely/already have dated a Clinton supporter, 88 percent would date a Democrat, and 85 percent would date someone of a different race/ethnicity.

So what should any of these groups do if they’re still interested in finding that special someone, regardless of dating overall being a betting (wo)man’s game? The first thing is don’t bother being offended by people who aren’t into you. It’s counterproductive and will never get you the results you want.

A Christian who is fed up with being called a “bible thumper” may be able to dodge those complaints with a site like LoveandSeek.com. Trump supporters can air all their thoughts out with like-minded daters on RepublicanSinglesDating.com. Black singles looking for each other can hang out at any of these sites. Interracial couples have their fair share of options on any of these sites. Pet lovers (who actually do own dogs) can enjoy their time on DigDates.com. Whatever your top priority is, start with that — religion, politics, race, living conditions, etc. You’ll save yourself a lot of awkward first-date conversations if you already know where this person stands on vital issues.

But once you’re on the site — or an in-person date, if you can do this safely in a COVID-19 world — the rest is really up to you. If you go into the date thinking it’s too difficult to do, you’re going to make it difficult for the other person. You may as well just go in with a glass half-full approach no matter how many times the cup has spilled. Why? Because every glass has its own drink inside. Just as you are an individual with your own physical and mental traits, so is (s)he. Don’t make the date harder than it needs to be.
['Shamontiel L. Vaughn']
['Singles', 'Black Women', 'Online Dating', 'Dating', 'Dating Advice']