How I’m feeling about the end of 2020…
How I’m feeling about the end of 2020…

As the end of this monstrous year comes closer and closer I feel completely thrown out by the mix of emotions running through me. I thought I was excited for this year to end, I sure as hell should be, but I can’t help this anxious uncertainty from bubbling over as the year 2021 edges nearer.

I used to get excited for the new year; goals, plans for adventure and a new beginning. But after the traumatic rollercoaster that has been this year, I feel as though I am going to be sick. I think a lot of people found this year beneficial, finding who they are for themselves with the solitary of lockdowns past or climbing new heights with athletic goals or hobbies… not me. I sat and panicked internally and tried to eat myself to death among other poor decisions like cutting myself a mullet or bleaching my hair. I can’t say I’m proud of the outcome but I am proud I can acknowledge my mistakes and never EVER do them again. My mums boyfriend moved in over lockdown, he is now a personal trainer and fitness coach, He and my mother went to many lengths to try and encourage some form of activity: and yes, I complied, willingly too, but I have fallen out of it and jumped back in several times now and I wonder when they will stop trying to flog this very much dead horse.

I did however get some things done this year, I have successfully gotten through the first 3 months of my a levels of which I began studying philosophy, English language and politics. These subjects were all too complicated for my overestimated brain capacity so I opted to continue with philosophy as-well as textiles and business. I have always enjoyed the idea of becoming the next Coco Chanel or Christian Dior. Don’t worry, I understand that these dreams are completely unrealistic but I might as well give it a punt. So yes, I’ve not failed anything, scraping by with E’s and D’s isn’t what I expected my first term would look like but it’s not a fail, and that’s enough for me.

Anyway, back to the point.

I’ve come to realise that I would rather wallow in the mess that is the end of 2020 than head into what could be another 365 days of chaos and torment, but hey, there’s always day drinking and the occasional good Netflix binge to keep me afloat so let’s dive in to 2021!
['Emily Poxson']
['Lockdown Diary', 'Covid-19', 'Teens', 'Home', 'A Level']