The Sad Truth About Narcissism and Mirroring
The Sad Truth About Narcissism and Mirroring

Mirroring is essential for early development, but sometimes it just doesn’t happen.

The original Narcissus was a handsome youth who fell in love with his own reflection and died of starvation. Echo, the nymph who loved him, could only parrot his words and also pined away without ever being acknowledged by the man she loved.

This famous Greek myth serves as a reminder of the dangers of trying to relate to a narcissist. They are too busy looking into the mirror to notice us.

Mirrors are important in thinking about narcissism because they symbolise the basic deficit of the narcissist. Narcissists just don’t have a healthy relationship to themselves to provide them with grounding and stability. They rely on feedback from the environment for their self-image. So the reflection tells them that they exist and helps define them. Without it, they don’t know who they are.

Narcissists generally won’t have received adequate mirroring in childhood, and so have trouble providing it to others. The cycle perpetuates itself with intergenerational trauma.

MIRRORING

Mirroring is an important early experience that allows us to feel seen and understood. As infants, we don’t understand ourselves or the world, we just “are”.

Our attachment relationships teach us about our unfolding experiences of life, providing containment, soothing, attunement, and later on, language. If our caregivers aren’t available to mirror us, it has serious implications for our emotional health. In early development we find ourselves through others, learning about our experiences and our self through bonding relationships. We rely on our parents to help us learn and grow.

Parents who are “good-enough” will attune to us, providing acceptance and understanding so that we can organise our experiences, and learn to self-soothe. If we are left too often to manage our own states by neglectful parents, toxic stress levels will change our brain chemistry and we might grow up seeing the world as fundamentally hostile.

EYE CONTACT & MIRRORING
['Amanda Robins']
['Motherhood', 'Trauma', 'Parenting', 'Narcissism', 'Self']