From An Introvert’s Shoes
Credits: HR Daily Advisor

One of the most important things that I have heard about writing is to remember whom you are writing for. Though I keep this in mind while writing officially, often, when I pen my thoughts down, I frankly don’t know who it is directed at. Sometimes, writing is a form of therapy for me. Just putting into words exactly how I feel, or releasing all the negativity bundled up inside. A lot like cleansing your mind, if you think about it.

Though I am quite introverted, I am usually able to gel with people over time. Make on-the-surface conversations and laugh along with them. But conversations with a person I just met or random guests that come home are not my strong suits. It usually ends up with me awkwardly smiling my way through the duration of the talk.

Over the 19 years of my life, I have managed to be fully comfortable with only a handful of people. And mind you, this list isn’t a constant. When the frequency of conversations reduces, the level of my comfort decreases too. Strangely, I have observed this pattern a multitude of times. Whether it’s in the case of cousins who moved away or childhood friends with whom the talks slowly faded away. I wonder which part of my life I should talk to them about, whether they would want to know the tiny things that happen or just the major milestones. Do I tell them I drove my first pillion ride recently or that I performed my Mohiniyattam Arangettam yesterday? Do I tell them about the new people in my life or the new changes in my lifestyle? Would they remember if I told them?

Needless to say, I am terrified of change. Terrified of shifting away from the equilibrium I have set up for myself. Scared of building relationships with new people, of being hurt by the choices I make in people, and I am scared of gripping my past too tight in a way it hurts more than letting go. And introversion coupled with anxiety is not a great combination, let me tell you. I am perpetually anxious and worried, so much that my own mother tells me to stop lamenting and whining so much, which doesn’t really help.

So, often I am the happiest in my own space, maybe texting one or two people I am closest too. “Why are you so quiet?”, “Talk something, no?”, “Do you really not have anything to say?” I don’t think there’s a person who has heard these questions more. I apologise, it’s just the way I am. Please know that it has less to do with you and more to do with me.

So this was therapeutic, just putting it all out there. If you made your way reading till here, thanks for listening. You are a very patient reader!
['Malavika S Menon']
['People', 'Introvert', 'Change', 'Relationships', 'Conversations']