unfortunately yes the risk really is that big. even if you're not having an active outbreak of cold sores you're still infected with the herpes simplex i virus (hsv i) which causes the cold sores. this virus can be transmitted through any physical contact including kissing. the problem with hsv i and genitalia is that increasing evidence shows hsv i can cause genital herpes. both of these viruses are incurable and your girlfriend is rightfully concerned about being infected with a lifelong case of genital herpes by your performing oral sex on her. i wish i could offer a good solution to your problem. the only safe way for you to perform oral sex on your girlfriend is with a barrier in place. you could look into the female condom to see if it provides enough coverage for you to avoid skin-to-skin contact between your mouth and her genitalia (including the clitoris). otherwise your best bet is to avoid oral sex altogether. remember however that oral sex is just one way to pleasure your partner. if the lack of oral sex is a deal-breaker for your girlfriend then she's not the girl for you. take care!
how great is the risk of spreading herpes type i through oral sex? . i've been getting cold sores for most of my life. my girlfriend was concerned about it spreading through oral sex so she consulted her gyno. she was told to never allow me to do it to her as i am pretty much always shedding the disease. i feel like this will put a major hit on the relationship so i was wondering if the risk really is that big?