people frequently go to great lengths to learn more about themselves and how they can improve as people. they go to see motivational speakers buy books and read articles such as this blog. and while all of these things may be helpful one of the best sources of greater personal insight is right there beside you – in your family and friends. . consider how you can sometimes see in others what they do not see in themselves. for instance they may think they are a caring person not realizing how they hurt others with thoughtless speech or actions. or they may not perceive problems inherent in their radical view of politics or religion – ones that are so clear to you. if you really think about how others cannot see these blind spots (which is why we call them blind spots) then it might leave you with the uncomfortable realization that you too have blind spots that others can see. it is in these areas that your loved ones may know you better than you know yourself. research has supported the idea that others see things in us that we don’t see. they can even see things in our personalities that we are not as aware of. that said they also have their own biases in judging us. one common bias known in psychology is the fundamental attribution error. this is the tendency for others to think that we have acted in a particular way mostly because of our traits or personality minimizing the effect of a given situation. for instance upon seeing you yell at your brother a friend might think that you have a short fuse. you however might think your brother is more at fault because he antagonized you. whose perception is biased? or in what ways are you both biased? these are worthy questions to consider and may open you up to new insights. so listen to what others say about you – particularly those who you think know you well or are good judges of character. pay attention to what they say directly or how they respond to you (an indirect way of sharing their perceptions). be open to these reactions. you might receive this information spontaneously or you might ask for direct honest feedback. another strategy is to imagine yourself in the shoes of others as you evaluate yourself. these are all good ways to learn more about you. first is to be happy with how you look to yourself. the outside fits the way you feel on the inside. no
should i care about what others think of me?