The call had become so intense that her trained head couldn't escape it. Her mind was always clouded. The tug-of-war between emotions and reasoning had started long back. All these years, she had no idea , who will win and how. But, she knew the day that would kill all the suspense, that would give all the answers, was not too far. She remembered buddha. "When, mind is disturbed, just let it be. it will settle down on its own. you don't have to put in any effort to calm it down. it will happen. it is effortless". She believed. She tried her best. The dusk at rishikesh started cladding itself in dark. The lights over the hills made her feel that stars have fallen down. She had chosen the time and the place long before. She waited at the ghats where she had requested acharya to turn up. She had chosen that lonely spot for she knew it would be abandoned by most of the pligrims and others, during that part of the day. She didn't want to do it during the day. She didn't want spectators. She didn't want any one else to have their brains imprinted with the memories of her actions, other than acharya. Because acharya was the only person who knew, what has been going on with her. She looked at the river. Ganga! Beautiful and deep as always,carrying everyone's sins since a long long time, but still remains pure. Murky reflections of the lights sparked at its edges. She turned back. Acharya hasn't arrived yet. She placed on the step, the small cloth bag that was clinging on her shoulder and stepped into the river. Cold as ice! She moved deeper, till her whole body was in water. She folded her hands and prayed. "Karacharana kritam vaa kaayajam karmajam vaa shravana nayanajam vaa maanasam vaa paraadham vihitama vihitam vaa sarvame tat kshamasva jaya jaya karunaabdhe shri mahaadeva shambho"She felt the river hugging her and saying, 'you are forgiven, my child! '. Tears overflowed and mixed with the holy water. She ascended the steps and saw acharya waiting. Acharya was looking past the river; to the hills? To the sky? To the eternity? She folded her arms and stood before acharya for some moments. Silence imported, multitude of thoughts. Then she fell on his feet. Finally she spoke. "Forgive me!"She didn't look at his face. She turned to the river and threw away her rudraksha beads. When she looked at acharya's face, she saw nothing but indifference. She took her cloth bag from the step. She was heading to ram jhula. And from there, to her native place. Once she was a sannyasin, but now, she is just another woman, detached from detachment. And thus, finally, emotions won. 