I stood at the edge of the cliff. I looked down and then plunged. I felt the cold ,grey water washing away my wounds which I had suppressed for so long. The huge wall of waves paralyzed my mind. I could not breathe. Was I lost? Was I dead? Was I on my way to heaven? But would heaved have a place for me after knowing my story? I woke up in a room. I tried to move my head and desperately tried to make out where I was. My head ached badly. There was a terrible pain on the back of my neck and on the edge of my shoulders. I could barely open my eyes. "Why did you do this?don't you know committing suicide is a crime?",an unknown shrill female voice almost yelled at me. I couldn't say a word. Only a silent tear trickled down my cheek . I was born in 1978 and on the following year the chinese government passed a law that a couple cannot have more than one child. Thus my parents dream of having a boy was shattered forever. I was married in a peasant family at the age of fifteen. I was not very sad as I thought I was treated better there. Unlike my home I was wanted there. Though I was not more than a maid servant with a dignity of being someone's 'wife'. My life went on like this for the next few years ,until one day I discovered that I was going to give birth to a child. My husband was indifferent while my in laws were happy. One day my mother-in-law stole into my room. She told me that she wanted a boy child and since she could have only one grand- child. I should take care of it. I was surprised. How could I decide whether it was a boy or a girl? But I could not say a word. I was scared. I gave birth to a beautiful girl child at the age of twenty. For the first time I felt the unearthly happiness of being a mother and for the first time I witnessed the cruel side of man. They killed my new born infant. I cried. I was torn inside and out. It seemed someone stabbed me right in the centre of my heart. But I could not protest. I was too weak. I had five more babies . All of them were killed because of the simple reason. They were all girls. Before the birth of my sixth and my last child they threatened to kill me if I gave birth to a girl child yet again. But god was too cruel, I gave birth to a girl child at night and at midnight I fled away . I searched for my infant without success. I assume they killed her already. I could barely walk. Still I managed to rum to the nearby town . I managed to get a job as a maid servant in a small inn, there. I also found a place to live in. Often I used to think about my babies, whom I could not save and sobbed in silence. Today after so many years, when a couple celebrated their daughter's birthday at the inn,I could not control my tears. I felt I was stabbed again , just at the same place where I was stabbed when they killed my infants. I felt I had no reason to live. I felt guilty for not protesting, not carrying my babies in my arms and cradling them to sleep, feeding them. I felt , that I should be punished. When that woman yelled at me for attempting to commit a suicide. I felt like yelling back at her. I wanted to say"Why didn't you consider it to be a crime when I witnessed my babies being killed?why didn't you kill me then?". But as usual, I could not. 