<blockquote>
  <p><em>A wise man should avoid unchastity as (he would avoid falling into) a
  pit of glowing charcoal. If unable to lead a celibate life, he should
  not go to another's wife. - <a href="http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/kn/snp/snp.2.14.irel.html">Dhammika Sutta</a></em></p>
</blockquote>

<p>A layman is not expected to lead a celibate life. What you are expected as a Buddhist is to avoid sexual misconduct.</p>

<blockquote>
  <p>Is it even possible to have a girlfriend/wife without lust?</p>
</blockquote>

<p>Yes, but not necessarily for the good. ex: marrying to get citizenship, marrying for money, power, marrying to cover up sexuality etc.</p>

<p>A good example would be a married man becoming an Anagami later. He can still live in the lay life, but girlfriend/wife will merely be ceremonial positions. He will just treat her as a sister or a friend.</p>

CC BY-SA 3.0
2015-09-15T08:12:03.307Z
2015-09-15T11:20:58.957Z
2015-09-15T11:20:58.957Z
Sankha Kulathantille
<p>What does the Buddha say about dating, in general? This is a fairly open-ended question, and any scriptural references would help. 
I would have lustful thoughts when I look at a pretty girl (though I try not to act on it and meditate on impermanence as I walk by her.) But, it just occurred to me that if I eradicate lust, then do I even need a girlfriend in the first place?? Thus, I'm really confused about how the mechanism of dating works. 
Is it even possible to have a girlfriend/wife without lust?
Or, is there an entirely different answer?</p>

<p>This question has been bugging me for at least a year, I would really appreciate anyone's efforts in helping me resolve this. 
Thanks! Answers with Scriptural references is preferred, but personal experiences are also welcomed. </p>

<p>Praises to the Dharma!</p>

CC BY-SA 3.0
2015-09-22T20:14:30.340Z
The topics "[Do buddhists fall in love?](http://buddhism.stackexchange.com/q/11266/254)" and "[Any authentic sutta from any tradition that gives guidance on what kind of partner to choose?](http://buddhism.stackexchange.com/q/7488/254)" might interest you. Is your question answered by the answers to these questions?
ChrisW
<personal-practice><theravada><scripture><love>
How does Dating work in Buddhism
# How does Dating work in Buddhism

(Asked by: username_0 on 2015-09-15)

What does the Buddha say about dating, in general? This is a fairly open-ended question, and any scriptural references would help.
I would have lustful thoughts when I look at a pretty girl (though I try not to act on it and meditate on impermanence as I walk by her.) But, it just occurred to me that if I eradicate lust, then do I even need a girlfriend in the first place?? Thus, I'm really confused about how the mechanism of dating works.
Is it even possible to have a girlfriend/wife without lust?
Or, is there an entirely different answer?

This question has been bugging me for at least a year, I would really appreciate anyone's efforts in helping me resolve this.
Thanks! Answers with Scriptural references is preferred, but personal experiences are also welcomed.

Praises to the Dharma!

**Tags:** personal-practice, theravada, scripture, love

> **Comments:**
> **username_1**: The topics "[Do buddhists fall in love?](http://buddhism.stackexchange.com/q/11266/254)" and "[Any authentic sutta from any tradition that gives guidance on what kind of partner to choose?](http://buddhism.stackexchange.com/q/7488/254)" might interest you. Is your question answered by the answers to these questions?  

---

## 1 answers

### Answer by username_2 on 2015-09-15. Score: 7

> *A wise man should avoid unchastity as (he would avoid falling into) a
> pit of glowing charcoal. If unable to lead a celibate life, he should
> not go to another's wife. - [Dhammika Sutta](http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/kn/snp/snp.2.14.irel.html)*

A layman is not expected to lead a celibate life. What you are expected as a Buddhist is to avoid sexual misconduct.

> Is it even possible to have a girlfriend/wife without lust?

Yes, but not necessarily for the good. ex: marrying to get citizenship, marrying for money, power, marrying to cover up sexuality etc.

A good example would be a married man becoming an Anagami later. He can still live in the lay life, but girlfriend/wife will merely be ceremonial positions. He will just treat her as a sister or a friend.


---

