<p>There's a <a href="https://buddhism.stackexchange.com/q/2170/254">question here</a> about being a parent (which is a kind of love).</p>

<p>I especially admired <a href="https://buddhism.stackexchange.com/a/2174/254">this answer</a> which identifies different types/aspects of love (Metta, Karuna, Muditha).</p>

<hr>

<p>You haven't said much in your question: it was not specific.</p>

<p>Depending on the change, depending on how the people and the "trust" were changed, <a href="http://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/authors/price/bl124.html" rel="nofollow noreferrer">maybe you shouldn't</a> keep loving someone, or maybe you can't;
maybe you should love them in a different way;
maybe you don't control how you feel;
maybe Buddhism can help you to live with less expectation.</p>

CC BY-SA 3.0
2014-10-02T01:00:53.713Z
2014-10-02T01:00:53.713Z
2017-04-13T12:51:05.990Z
ChrisW
<p>I think this is a question we all ask ourselves at some point
<a href="http://buddhism.about.com/od/basicbuddhistteachings/a/attachment.htm" rel="nofollow">http://buddhism.about.com/od/basicbuddhistteachings/a/attachment.htm</a></p>

<blockquote>
  <p>What Is Attachment?</p>
  
  <p>In order for there to be attachment, you need two things -- the
  attacher, and the thing to which the attacher is attached. In other
  words, "attachment" requires self-reference, and it requires seeing
  the object of attachment as separate from oneself.</p>
  
  <p>The Buddha taught that seeing oneself and everything else this way is
  a delusion. Further, it is a delusion that is the deepest cause of our
  unhappiness. It is because we mistakenly see ourselves as separate
  from everything else that we "attach."</p>
  
  <p>Zen teacher John Daido Loori said,</p>
  
  <p>"[A]ccording to the Buddhist point of view, nonattachment is exactly
  the opposite of separation. You need two things in order to have
  attachment: the thing you’re attaching to, and the person who’s
  attaching. In nonattachment, on the other hand, there’s unity. There’s
  unity because there’s nothing to attach to. If you have unified with
  the whole universe, there’s nothing outside of you, so the notion of
  attachment becomes absurd. Who will attach to what?"</p>
  
  <p>Because we think we have intrinsic existence within our skin, and
  what's outside our skin is "everything else," that we go through life
  grabbing for one thing after another to make us feel safe, or to make
  us happy.</p>
</blockquote>

<p>Living without attachment is a lot like living without trying to get some outcome in the world. It is living life but not defining ourselves essentially as a companion or a worker or a studier or being just the body.</p>

<p>So not being attached or not having expectations involves loosening up our own self identity that is wrapped up in the world and how it appears. If we are totally comfortable in this moment it is far easier to accept the relationship we have with that person.</p>

<p>Keep practicing meditation every day and have meditation be part of your relationship could be a good start.</p>

<p>Thank you</p>

CC BY-SA 3.0
2014-10-02T02:12:45.433Z
I'll start practice meditation and learn more.
sherly
CC BY-SA 3.0
2014-10-02T23:57:27.780Z
Sherly, thanks for the question. I learn more as people ask relevant questions.
soulsings
CC BY-SA 3.0
2014-10-02T00:45:15.833Z
2014-10-02T00:45:15.833Z
soulsings
<p>Changes can easily come about in all of us, even those we love and trust.
When this happens, how do we keep loving them without expecting anything?</p>

CC BY-SA 3.0
2014-10-02T16:38:18.863Z
Being married I often see change(impermanence) and so I sometimes want to change it back but find it's beyond my control(anatta) and so it's often a cause for suffering(dukkha). I see these marks of existence all the time in my marriage. I hope this helps.
Lowbrow
<relationship>
How To Keep Loving Without Reward?
# How To Keep Loving Without Reward?

(Asked by: username_0 on 2014-10-01)

Changes can easily come about in all of us, even those we love and trust.
When this happens, how do we keep loving them without expecting anything?

**Tags:** relationship

> **Comments:**
> **username_1**: Being married I often see change(impermanence) and so I sometimes want to change it back but find it's beyond my control(anatta) and so it's often a cause for suffering(dukkha). I see these marks of existence all the time in my marriage. I hope this helps.  

---

## 2 answers

### Answer by username_3 on 2014-10-02. Score: 3

I think this is a question we all ask ourselves at some point
<http://buddhism.about.com/od/basicbuddhistteachings/a/attachment.htm>

> What Is Attachment?
>
> In order for there to be attachment, you need two things -- the
> attacher, and the thing to which the attacher is attached. In other
> words, "attachment" requires self-reference, and it requires seeing
> the object of attachment as separate from oneself.
>
> The Buddha taught that seeing oneself and everything else this way is
> a delusion. Further, it is a delusion that is the deepest cause of our
> unhappiness. It is because we mistakenly see ourselves as separate
> from everything else that we "attach."
>
> Zen teacher John Daido Loori said,
>
> "[A]ccording to the Buddhist point of view, nonattachment is exactly
> the opposite of separation. You need two things in order to have
> attachment: the thing you’re attaching to, and the person who’s
> attaching. In nonattachment, on the other hand, there’s unity. There’s
> unity because there’s nothing to attach to. If you have unified with
> the whole universe, there’s nothing outside of you, so the notion of
> attachment becomes absurd. Who will attach to what?"
>
> Because we think we have intrinsic existence within our skin, and
> what's outside our skin is "everything else," that we go through life
> grabbing for one thing after another to make us feel safe, or to make
> us happy.

Living without attachment is a lot like living without trying to get some outcome in the world. It is living life but not defining ourselves essentially as a companion or a worker or a studier or being just the body.

So not being attached or not having expectations involves loosening up our own self identity that is wrapped up in the world and how it appears. If we are totally comfortable in this moment it is far easier to accept the relationship we have with that person.

Keep practicing meditation every day and have meditation be part of your relationship could be a good start.

Thank you

> **Comments:**
> **username_0**: I'll start practice meditation and learn more.  
> **username_3**: Sherly, thanks for the question. I learn more as people ask relevant questions.  

---

### Answer by username_2 on 2014-10-02. Score: 0

There's a [question here](https://buddhism.stackexchange.com/q/2170/254) about being a parent (which is a kind of love).

I especially admired [this answer](https://buddhism.stackexchange.com/a/2174/254) which identifies different types/aspects of love (Metta, Karuna, Muditha).

---

You haven't said much in your question: it was not specific.

Depending on the change, depending on how the people and the "trust" were changed, [maybe you shouldn't](http://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/authors/price/bl124.html) keep loving someone, or maybe you can't;
maybe you should love them in a different way;
maybe you don't control how you feel;
maybe Buddhism can help you to live with less expectation.


---

