<p>Generally you should not do Metta to:</p>

<ul>
<li>Lingavisabhāga (opposite sex - generally directed at a specific person)</li>
<li>Kālakatapuggala (a dead person)</li>
</ul>

<p>See page 81 <a href="http://www.paaukforestmonastery.org/books/1PAS%2001%20Knowing%20and%20Seeing%204th%20Rev%20Ed%20-%20pamc%20112014.pdf" rel="nofollow noreferrer">Seeing and Knowing</a> revised edition by Pa Auk Sayadaw (Pa Auk Lineage)</p>

<blockquote>
  <p>To develop the sublime abiding of loving-kindness (mettà), you need first of all be aware that it should not be developed towards a person of the opposite sex , or a dead person.</p>
</blockquote>

<p>Also page 66 <a href="http://www.buddhanet.net/pdf_file/allmetta.pdf" rel="nofollow noreferrer">Loving Kindness Meditation</a> Ven. Sujiva (Mahaisi Lineage) and page 16 <a href="http://compik.fd.cvut.cz/~mrazek/books/metta_indaka_english.pdf" rel="nofollow noreferrer">Matta: The Practice of Loving-Kindness As the Foundation for Insight Meditation Practice</a> by Sayadaw U Indaka (Mahasi Sayadaw) also makes the same observation.</p>

<p>In addition <a href="http://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/authors/buddharakkhita/wheel365.html" rel="nofollow noreferrer">Metta: The Philosophy and Practice of Universal Love</a> by Acharya Buddharakkhita (general Theravada) makes the following observation:</p>

<blockquote>
  <p>Note that only a living person is to be visualized, not a dead one. The reason for this is that the dead person, having changed form, will be out of the focus of metta-projection. The object of metta always is a living being, and the thought-force will become ineffective if the object is not alive.</p>
</blockquote>

<p>Otherwise the what you mention is fine to practice Metta.</p>

<p>Buddhism has the concept of <a href="http://www.budsas.org/ebud/whatbudbeliev/307.htm" rel="nofollow noreferrer">transferring merit to the departed</a> (if they are in a conducive birth to receive it.) This might be something, quite similar, which you can do instead. See: <a href="http://www.themindingcentre.org/dharmafarer/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/2.7-Tirokudda-S-khp7-piya.pdf" rel="nofollow noreferrer">Tiro,kutta Sutta</a>. Also offering to the liberation of ancestors especially your father is highly recommended (one of the "the five uses of wealth" / pañca bhogānam ādiyā) in <a href="http://www.themindingcentre.org/dharmafarer/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/37.12-Patta-Kamma-S-a4.61-piya.pdf" rel="nofollow noreferrer">Patta Kamma Sutta</a>, <a href="http://www.themindingcentre.org/dharmafarer/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/2.1-Adiya-S-a5.41-piya-bk-REV.pdf" rel="nofollow noreferrer">Ādiya Sutta</a>, <a href="http://www.themindingcentre.org/dharmafarer/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/4.1-Sigalovada-S-d31-piya.pdf" rel="nofollow noreferrer">Sigāl’ovāda Sutta</a>.</p>

<p>Having said this, this using a deceased person as the subject diminishes the result reaped through Metta meditation. If you find any other physiological benefits by remembering your father, then all means do it, though you will not be getting the benefits expected out of Metta meditation. To get the benefits of Metta meditation focus on all living beings.</p>

CC BY-SA 4.0
2019-07-07T08:47:43.637Z
@SamanaJohann "Not towards a person of the opposite sex, or a dead person" is a direct quote from the start of Chapter IX of the _Visuddhimagga_ -- or at least, it says, "not at first". The paragraph says, "For loving-kindness should not be developed at first towards the following four kinds of person: an antipathetic person, a very dearly loved friend, a neutral person, and a hostile person. Also it should not be developed specifically (see §49) towards the opposite sex, or towards a dead person".
ChrisW
CC BY-SA 3.0
2015-11-05T13:18:08.243Z
2017-02-03T08:24:31.983Z
2018-08-14T22:06:13.773Z
Suminda Sirinath S. Dharmasena
<p>According to my teacher, it is important to reconcile and forgive major issues we had had with our (now deceased) parents. There is a tremendous amount of emotional energy locked in grudges and negative memories. He advised that we imagine our parents standing in front of us, talk to them about our past issues, hug them, say <em>I Understand Why You Did What You Did</em>, <em>Thank You</em> and <em>I Love You</em> - and then imagine them ascending out of sight.</p>

<p>Because I have special connection with dream yoga, I reconciled with my deceased father in a dream. This works even better, because in dream you can recreate a more complete image and go deeper with your emotions.</p>

CC BY-SA 3.0
2015-11-05T16:44:12.560Z
Thank you for your answer and the connection to the dream yoga.
Louis
CC BY-SA 3.0
2015-11-05T13:30:29.627Z
2015-11-05T14:12:20.690Z
2015-11-05T14:12:20.690Z
Andriy Volkov
<p>I have heard multiple teachers say it is okay to use a deceased person as the "benefactor" or "as the person you like or respect".  If the purpose of Metta is to develop jhana and then profound feelings of loving kindness for all beings, then any benefactor living or deceased that helps you achieve this state should be acceptable.  I'm not aware of any teachings of the Buddha that would forbid this type of practice.  </p>

<p>In addition, do not look at the forbidding of the opposite sex as an absolute prohibition.  For example, many practitioners us their children as objects of metta. </p>

<p>While Pa Auk Sayadaws <a href="http://www.paaukforestmonastery.org/books/knowing_and_seeing_rev_ed.pdf" rel="nofollow">instructions</a> are insightful and generally helpful, many of them are directed towards eastern monks, who usually hold a narrow interpretation of a specific tradition. </p>

CC BY-SA 3.0
2015-11-05T18:51:36.790Z
2015-11-05T18:51:36.790Z
Mikey B
<p>During a meditation I have practiced Metta, as I have learned it, I sent Metta to;</p>

<ul>
<li>myself</li>
<li>a good friend</li>
<li>a "neutral" person</li>
<li>a difficult person</li>
<li>all four of the above equally</li>
<li>and then gradually the entire universe</li>
</ul>

<p>with the thoughts;</p>

<ul>
<li>May I be free from enmity/danger</li>
<li>May I be free from mental suffering</li>
<li>May I be free from physical suffering</li>
<li>May I take care of myself happily</li>
</ul>

<p>Sometime during the meditation I have also sent my Metta to my deceased father. I had a good feeling about it, but wonder whether a Suta this refers?</p>

<p>I want to know whether this form is OK, and how to deal with it.</p>

<death><parents><meditation-metta>
Metta for dead father
# Metta for dead father

(Asked by: username_0 on 2015-11-05)

During a meditation I have practiced Metta, as I have learned it, I sent Metta to;

* myself
* a good friend
* a "neutral" person
* a difficult person
* all four of the above equally
* and then gradually the entire universe

with the thoughts;

* May I be free from enmity/danger
* May I be free from mental suffering
* May I be free from physical suffering
* May I take care of myself happily

Sometime during the meditation I have also sent my Metta to my deceased father. I had a good feeling about it, but wonder whether a Suta this refers?

I want to know whether this form is OK, and how to deal with it.

**Tags:** death, parents, meditation-metta


---

## 3 answers

### Answer by username_1 on 2015-11-05. Score: 6 | Accepted answer

Generally you should not do Metta to:

* Lingavisabhāga (opposite sex - generally directed at a specific person)
* Kālakatapuggala (a dead person)

See page 81 [Seeing and Knowing](http://www.paaukforestmonastery.org/books/1PAS%2001%20Knowing%20and%20Seeing%204th%20Rev%20Ed%20-%20pamc%20112014.pdf) revised edition by Pa Auk Sayadaw (Pa Auk Lineage)

> To develop the sublime abiding of loving-kindness (mettà), you need first of all be aware that it should not be developed towards a person of the opposite sex , or a dead person.

Also page 66 [Loving Kindness Meditation](http://www.buddhanet.net/pdf_file/allmetta.pdf) Ven. Sujiva (Mahaisi Lineage) and page 16 [Matta: The Practice of Loving-Kindness As the Foundation for Insight Meditation Practice](http://compik.fd.cvut.cz/~mrazek/books/metta_indaka_english.pdf) by Sayadaw U Indaka (Mahasi Sayadaw) also makes the same observation.

In addition [Metta: The Philosophy and Practice of Universal Love](http://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/authors/buddharakkhita/wheel365.html) by Acharya Buddharakkhita (general Theravada) makes the following observation:

> Note that only a living person is to be visualized, not a dead one. The reason for this is that the dead person, having changed form, will be out of the focus of metta-projection. The object of metta always is a living being, and the thought-force will become ineffective if the object is not alive.

Otherwise the what you mention is fine to practice Metta.

Buddhism has the concept of [transferring merit to the departed](http://www.budsas.org/ebud/whatbudbeliev/307.htm) (if they are in a conducive birth to receive it.) This might be something, quite similar, which you can do instead. See: [Tiro,kutta Sutta](http://www.themindingcentre.org/dharmafarer/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/2.7-Tirokudda-S-khp7-piya.pdf). Also offering to the liberation of ancestors especially your father is highly recommended (one of the "the five uses of wealth" / pañca bhogānam ādiyā) in [Patta Kamma Sutta](http://www.themindingcentre.org/dharmafarer/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/37.12-Patta-Kamma-S-a4.61-piya.pdf), [Ādiya Sutta](http://www.themindingcentre.org/dharmafarer/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/2.1-Adiya-S-a5.41-piya-bk-REV.pdf), [Sigāl’ovāda Sutta](http://www.themindingcentre.org/dharmafarer/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/4.1-Sigalovada-S-d31-piya.pdf).

Having said this, this using a deceased person as the subject diminishes the result reaped through Metta meditation. If you find any other physiological benefits by remembering your father, then all means do it, though you will not be getting the benefits expected out of Metta meditation. To get the benefits of Metta meditation focus on all living beings.

> **Comments:**
> **username_2**: @SamanaJohann "Not towards a person of the opposite sex, or a dead person" is a direct quote from the start of Chapter IX of the _Visuddhimagga_ -- or at least, it says, "not at first". The paragraph says, "For loving-kindness should not be developed at first towards the following four kinds of person: an antipathetic person, a very dearly loved friend, a neutral person, and a hostile person. Also it should not be developed specifically (see §49) towards the opposite sex, or towards a dead person".  

---

### Answer by username_3 on 2015-11-05. Score: 5

According to my teacher, it is important to reconcile and forgive major issues we had had with our (now deceased) parents. There is a tremendous amount of emotional energy locked in grudges and negative memories. He advised that we imagine our parents standing in front of us, talk to them about our past issues, hug them, say *I Understand Why You Did What You Did*, *Thank You* and *I Love You* - and then imagine them ascending out of sight.

Because I have special connection with dream yoga, I reconciled with my deceased father in a dream. This works even better, because in dream you can recreate a more complete image and go deeper with your emotions.

> **Comments:**
> **username_0**: Thank you for your answer and the connection to the dream yoga.  

---

### Answer by username_4 on 2015-11-05. Score: 4

I have heard multiple teachers say it is okay to use a deceased person as the "benefactor" or "as the person you like or respect". If the purpose of Metta is to develop jhana and then profound feelings of loving kindness for all beings, then any benefactor living or deceased that helps you achieve this state should be acceptable. I'm not aware of any teachings of the Buddha that would forbid this type of practice.

In addition, do not look at the forbidding of the opposite sex as an absolute prohibition. For example, many practitioners us their children as objects of metta.

While Pa Auk Sayadaws [instructions](http://www.paaukforestmonastery.org/books/knowing_and_seeing_rev_ed.pdf) are insightful and generally helpful, many of them are directed towards eastern monks, who usually hold a narrow interpretation of a specific tradition.


---

