<p>There may be other bases for (i.e. causes of or types of) 'love': for example, compassion or <em><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mudita" rel="nofollow noreferrer">mudita</a></em>.</p>

<p>You might find this difficult to practice without attachment and/or lust, even so your description of love seemed to me one-sided, only describing negatives (defilements).</p>

<p>See also, <a href="https://buddhism.stackexchange.com/q/7488/254">Any authentic sutta from any tradition that gives guidance on what kind of partner to choose?</a></p>

<p>Plus, there are other topics tagged <a href="/questions/tagged/marriage" class="post-tag" title="show questions tagged &#39;marriage&#39;" rel="tag">marriage</a> and/or <a href="/questions/tagged/relationship" class="post-tag" title="show questions tagged &#39;relationship&#39;" rel="tag">relationship</a>.</p>

CC BY-SA 3.0
2016-01-24T13:02:26.957Z
I meant the "Romantic version" of Love : ) But i only showed the Abhidhamma perspective, why is it negative?
Theravada
CC BY-SA 3.0
2016-01-23T17:11:20.817Z
2016-01-23T17:11:20.817Z
2017-04-13T12:51:06.307Z
ChrisW
<p>There 3 things interplay here:</p>

<ul>
<li>Kama Raga - attachment to sensual objects or objects arousing lust</li>
<li>Chanda Raga - attachments to people (lovers, loved one's, family, friends)</li>
<li>Suba Sanna - perception of beauty in the shape of the body</li>
</ul>

<p>So when you see a person the following can happen:</p>

<ul>
<li>Pleasure, displeasure, neutral sensation on how you perceive the person based on

<ul>
<li>Previous interaction and perception formed as friend or not or a person who matters or not or good person or bad person or likable or not</li>
<li>Perception of looks of the person

<ul>
<li>Relative to one's looks</li>
<li>As an object of desire</li>
</ul></li>
</ul></li>
</ul>

<p>So when you see a person of the opposite sex the 1st time, what you get is Kama Raga and Suba Sanna. This is in seeking of pleasure born of such interactions.</p>

<p>Though Kama Raga heavily influences Chanda Raga, the main thing is that the person is influential in you life / perceived world. As the "puppet master" of the perceived world you get pleasure from the "puppets" in the show when they seem to go according to your expectations.</p>

<p>Chanda Raga is what might keep a relationship going even when Kama Raga subsides with time and into old age when Suba Sanna wanes off.</p>

<p>Though in seeking pleasure we get the above 3, in fact these give diverse sensations: pleasure, displeasure, neutral due to impermanent nature and non self nature of existance. All the experience you can derive from it is Dukkha (pain - Dukkha Dukkha, pleasure - Viparinama Dukkha, neutral - Sankhara Dukkha). So to understand the <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Four_Noble_Truths" rel="nofollow">4 Noble Truths</a> contemplate on the arising and passing of sensations.</p>

CC BY-SA 3.0
2016-01-19T06:54:39.107Z
If there's dukkha then it is attachment, if not then it is love , at the end !
jitin
CC BY-SA 3.0
2016-01-19T11:53:45.970Z
Love is also Dukkha. Love always is attachment.
Suminda Sirinath S. Dharmasena
CC BY-SA 3.0
2016-01-19T15:58:09.570Z
I wish good for a lot of people. I think i love them. When i get enough or more than my requirement i offer everything in my reach to them. When i don't get enough, i do not become sad for not being able to offer/give something to them, or even i do not become sad for getting nothing in return(expectation) from them. I just keep loving them and try to make life a beautiful experience, day to day. How it is dukkha or how it can turn into a dukkha for sure!
jitin
CC BY-SA 3.0
2016-01-19T18:50:41.603Z
@jitin , first part of the sentence is right from your comment. But as Lord Buddha taught "There is no love without suffering"
Theravada
CC BY-SA 3.0
2016-01-19T18:51:59.227Z
@jitin , What you are saying is that you have "Meththa". It is not love. And your wishes are good.
Theravada
CC BY-SA 3.0
2016-01-19T18:52:28.140Z
Very good answer suminda , Thanks!.  Should we add "Rupa raga" to this as well?
Theravada
CC BY-SA 3.0
2016-01-20T05:12:49.883Z
Regarding "The attachment and fear of loosing+fear of not finding a substitute kept them together for nine years", really? I doubt people married for 9+ years would see it that way.
user3169
CC BY-SA 3.0
2016-01-20T11:10:36.460Z
@user3169 Different people have different experiences of marriage. And it's better if possible to post an answer than a comment.
ChrisW
CC BY-SA 3.0
2016-01-19T02:43:03.063Z
2016-01-19T02:43:03.063Z
Suminda Sirinath S. Dharmasena
<p>Recently i was wondering about Love and these thoughts came to my mind, i want to know if they are correct or not.</p>

<hr>

<p>As to Buddhism all sorts of love is "Attachment".
And the is no such thing called a person.</p>

<p>So essentially the "Love" we fall in can be explained as...</p>

<hr>

<blockquote>
  <p>Example :-</p>
</blockquote>

<p>Part 01 :- Sam saw Jenny and he fell for her the second he saw her.</p>

<p>(Sam's eyes saw light which was recognized by his brain+mind as a woman. His mind remembers that Sam is straight so it immediately start to examine Jenny's body. There is an understanding in Sam's mind about his taste and it sees Jenny is a perfect fit. As Sam hast lust+attachments for such a body,mind starts a stream of thoughts signaling that there is a hot girl nearby.)</p>

<p>Part 02 :- They date for sometime and go to a serious relationship.</p>

<p>(Sam and Jenny both find their attachments in real life and decide to hold onto it.)</p>

<p>Part 03 :- Sam and Jenny are married now and its been 9 years.
(They both did not wanted to loose what they found because of the strong attachment they built in their own minds. The attachment and fear of loosing+fear of not finding a substitute kept them together for nine years.)</p>

<hr>

<p>What i see is that there are two minds at work trying to find attachments in real life. And then two minds find those in the image of two bodies. Then the attachments grow and the minds get more attached to each other's bodies as it works as the Identity.</p>

<hr>

<blockquote>
  <p>Is this correct according to the teaching or is it wrong?</p>
  
  <p>If there are wrong details what are the correct forms of them?</p>
</blockquote>

<attachment><relationship><love>
Relationships : What is Love?
# Relationships : What is Love?

(Asked by: username_0 on 2016-01-18)

Recently i was wondering about Love and these thoughts came to my mind, i want to know if they are correct or not.

---

As to Buddhism all sorts of love is "Attachment".
And the is no such thing called a person.

So essentially the "Love" we fall in can be explained as...

---

> Example :-

Part 01 :- Sam saw Jenny and he fell for her the second he saw her.

(Sam's eyes saw light which was recognized by his brain+mind as a woman. His mind remembers that Sam is straight so it immediately start to examine Jenny's body. There is an understanding in Sam's mind about his taste and it sees Jenny is a perfect fit. As Sam hast lust+attachments for such a body,mind starts a stream of thoughts signaling that there is a hot girl nearby.)

Part 02 :- They date for sometime and go to a serious relationship.

(Sam and Jenny both find their attachments in real life and decide to hold onto it.)

Part 03 :- Sam and Jenny are married now and its been 9 years.
(They both did not wanted to loose what they found because of the strong attachment they built in their own minds. The attachment and fear of loosing+fear of not finding a substitute kept them together for nine years.)

---

What i see is that there are two minds at work trying to find attachments in real life. And then two minds find those in the image of two bodies. Then the attachments grow and the minds get more attached to each other's bodies as it works as the Identity.

---

> Is this correct according to the teaching or is it wrong?
>
> If there are wrong details what are the correct forms of them?

**Tags:** attachment, relationship, love


---

## 2 answers

### Answer by username_2 on 2016-01-19. Score: 3

There 3 things interplay here:

* Kama Raga - attachment to sensual objects or objects arousing lust
* Chanda Raga - attachments to people (lovers, loved one's, family, friends)
* Suba Sanna - perception of beauty in the shape of the body

So when you see a person the following can happen:

* Pleasure, displeasure, neutral sensation on how you perceive the person based on
  + Previous interaction and perception formed as friend or not or a person who matters or not or good person or bad person or likable or not
  + Perception of looks of the person
    - Relative to one's looks
    - As an object of desire

So when you see a person of the opposite sex the 1st time, what you get is Kama Raga and Suba Sanna. This is in seeking of pleasure born of such interactions.

Though Kama Raga heavily influences Chanda Raga, the main thing is that the person is influential in you life / perceived world. As the "puppet master" of the perceived world you get pleasure from the "puppets" in the show when they seem to go according to your expectations.

Chanda Raga is what might keep a relationship going even when Kama Raga subsides with time and into old age when Suba Sanna wanes off.

Though in seeking pleasure we get the above 3, in fact these give diverse sensations: pleasure, displeasure, neutral due to impermanent nature and non self nature of existance. All the experience you can derive from it is Dukkha (pain - Dukkha Dukkha, pleasure - Viparinama Dukkha, neutral - Sankhara Dukkha). So to understand the [4 Noble Truths](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Four_Noble_Truths) contemplate on the arising and passing of sensations.

> **Comments:**
> **username_3**: If there's dukkha then it is attachment, if not then it is love , at the end !  
> **username_2**: Love is also Dukkha. Love always is attachment.  
> **username_3**: I wish good for a lot of people. I think i love them. When i get enough or more than my requirement i offer everything in my reach to them. When i don't get enough, i do not become sad for not being able to offer/give something to them, or even i do not become sad for getting nothing in return(expectation) from them. I just keep loving them and try to make life a beautiful experience, day to day. How it is dukkha or how it can turn into a dukkha for sure!  
> **username_0**: @username_3 , first part of the sentence is right from your comment. But as Lord Buddha taught "There is no love without suffering"  
> **username_0**: @username_3 , What you are saying is that you have "Meththa". It is not love. And your wishes are good.  
> **username_0**: Very good answer suminda , Thanks!.  Should we add "Rupa raga" to this as well?  
> **username_4**: Regarding "The attachment and fear of loosing+fear of not finding a substitute kept them together for nine years", really? I doubt people married for 9+ years would see it that way.  
> **username_1**: @username_4 Different people have different experiences of marriage. And it's better if possible to post an answer than a comment.  

---

### Answer by username_1 on 2016-01-23. Score: 1

There may be other bases for (i.e. causes of or types of) 'love': for example, compassion or *[mudita](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mudita)*.

You might find this difficult to practice without attachment and/or lust, even so your description of love seemed to me one-sided, only describing negatives (defilements).

See also, [Any authentic sutta from any tradition that gives guidance on what kind of partner to choose?](https://buddhism.stackexchange.com/q/7488/254)

Plus, there are other topics tagged [marriage](/questions/tagged/marriage "show questions tagged 'marriage'") and/or [relationship](/questions/tagged/relationship "show questions tagged 'relationship'").

> **Comments:**
> **username_0**: I meant the "Romantic version" of Love : ) But i only showed the Abhidhamma perspective, why is it negative?  

---

