<p>Once blessed with love, compassion, rejoicing and equanimity, one would quite certainly miss them. These are the <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brahmavihara" rel="nofollow noreferrer">brahmaviharas</a>.</p>

<p>The interesting thing about the brahmaviharas is that craving them results in suffering as others depart or otherwise move on. But having been blessed as the receiver of brahmavihara, we also understand them and know how important it is to bring the brahmaviharas into the world.</p>

<p>If one has only one last drop of love, compassion, rejoicing and equanimity, even just half a memory, one also has a choice. One can choose to share. One can choose to share whatever love, compassion, rejoicing and equanimity one has left with oneself and others. In doing so, one can ease pain and suffering.</p>

<p>The giving and practice of love, compassion, rejoicing and equanimity is limitless. To let go of craving, one simply has to count oneself wealthy enough to share and give love, compassion, rejoicing and equanimity. So practice love, compassion, rejoicing and equanimity towards yourself and others. Find the love, compassion, rejoicing and equanimity inside yourself to share. And in the sharing, love, compassion, rejoicing and equanimity will grow.</p>

<blockquote>
  <p><a href="https://suttacentral.net/an4.95/en/sujato#an4.95:2.2" rel="nofollow noreferrer">AN4.95:2.2</a>: The person who practices to benefit neither themselves nor others is like this, I say. The person who practices to benefit others, but not themselves, is better than that.  The person who practices to benefit themselves, but not others, is better than both of those.  <strong>But the person who practices to benefit both themselves and others is the foremost, best, chief, highest, and finest of the four</strong>.</p>
</blockquote>

CC BY-SA 4.0
2020-01-15T16:30:52.230Z
2020-01-15T16:30:52.230Z
OyaMist
<p>You need to try and focus on yourself rather than her. Whatever qualities she admired in you, you need to show yourself these qualities. Let's say she admired your smile, every time you look in a mirror, tell yourself "I have a beautiful smile and this is all mine".</p>

<p>You need to accept yourself first and everyone else will take a back seat. It won't be easy and instant but it's a start. Tell yourself that you are in love with a version of her that you created up in your mind. The idea of her and "her" are two different people.</p>

<p>Also, writing down your thoughts help. Another technique is to realize the importance of people who love you like family and friends who are around. You need to understand that these are the ones who truly care about you and you need to get your life back on track for them. Everyday try and find something in people close to you that attracts you to them. This will help lower her importance in life.</p>

<p>Hope this helps!</p>

CC BY-SA 4.0
2020-01-15T14:57:14.410Z
2020-01-15T14:57:14.410Z
coderGeek
<p>After a deep contemplation of why I couldn't move on from a relationship I found that it was because I am not getting admiration from anyone else. Actually, in past she admired me when no one else did. I was in great need of admiration and she showed me that just then. She filled a hole in me that time, made me feel good about myself. Now that we are not together, I am depressed, demotivated and not a man anymore. I am craving that admiration so much. I do not have any contact with any other girl in my life. I also realised why she admired me. But now I'd be foolish to seek the same admiration from someone else while I am not having those qualities that make people admire me anymore. Also she was my first love and soon I had developed sexual interest in her. So, admiration + first love + sexual interest made me feel on top of the world. I was teen back then. Now I can't move on. What do i do?</p>

<craving><desire>
What is admiration? How to stop craving it?
# What is admiration? How to stop craving it?

(Asked by: username_0 on 2020-01-15)

After a deep contemplation of why I couldn't move on from a relationship I found that it was because I am not getting admiration from anyone else. Actually, in past she admired me when no one else did. I was in great need of admiration and she showed me that just then. She filled a hole in me that time, made me feel good about myself. Now that we are not together, I am depressed, demotivated and not a man anymore. I am craving that admiration so much. I do not have any contact with any other girl in my life. I also realised why she admired me. But now I'd be foolish to seek the same admiration from someone else while I am not having those qualities that make people admire me anymore. Also she was my first love and soon I had developed sexual interest in her. So, admiration + first love + sexual interest made me feel on top of the world. I was teen back then. Now I can't move on. What do i do?

**Tags:** craving, desire


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## 2 answers

### Answer by username_1 on 2020-01-15. Score: 1

Once blessed with love, compassion, rejoicing and equanimity, one would quite certainly miss them. These are the [brahmaviharas](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brahmavihara).

The interesting thing about the brahmaviharas is that craving them results in suffering as others depart or otherwise move on. But having been blessed as the receiver of brahmavihara, we also understand them and know how important it is to bring the brahmaviharas into the world.

If one has only one last drop of love, compassion, rejoicing and equanimity, even just half a memory, one also has a choice. One can choose to share. One can choose to share whatever love, compassion, rejoicing and equanimity one has left with oneself and others. In doing so, one can ease pain and suffering.

The giving and practice of love, compassion, rejoicing and equanimity is limitless. To let go of craving, one simply has to count oneself wealthy enough to share and give love, compassion, rejoicing and equanimity. So practice love, compassion, rejoicing and equanimity towards yourself and others. Find the love, compassion, rejoicing and equanimity inside yourself to share. And in the sharing, love, compassion, rejoicing and equanimity will grow.

> [AN4.95:2.2](https://suttacentral.net/an4.95/en/sujato#an4.95:2.2): The person who practices to benefit neither themselves nor others is like this, I say. The person who practices to benefit others, but not themselves, is better than that. The person who practices to benefit themselves, but not others, is better than both of those. **But the person who practices to benefit both themselves and others is the foremost, best, chief, highest, and finest of the four**.


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### Answer by username_2 on 2020-01-15. Score: 1

You need to try and focus on yourself rather than her. Whatever qualities she admired in you, you need to show yourself these qualities. Let's say she admired your smile, every time you look in a mirror, tell yourself "I have a beautiful smile and this is all mine".

You need to accept yourself first and everyone else will take a back seat. It won't be easy and instant but it's a start. Tell yourself that you are in love with a version of her that you created up in your mind. The idea of her and "her" are two different people.

Also, writing down your thoughts help. Another technique is to realize the importance of people who love you like family and friends who are around. You need to understand that these are the ones who truly care about you and you need to get your life back on track for them. Everyday try and find something in people close to you that attracts you to them. This will help lower her importance in life.

Hope this helps!


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