<p>According to Bodhisattva, if you are unmarried then treat every boy and girl like your sibling. So, your question can be boiled down to, "Can siblings be friends?" to which I will answer, "Siblings are almost always friends!" The Buddha never spoke explicitly about this, though he mentioned that adultery is a sin and a hindrance to Nirvana- and anybody who commits his mind to such thoughts is also as much at fault as the one who actually commits the sin. There is no place for lust in friendship, so I think, yes. Boys and girls can be friends.</p>

CC BY-SA 4.0
2018-08-13T15:36:03.900Z
2018-08-13T15:36:03.900Z
Sarthak Das
<p>For the monastic, <a href="https://suttacentral.net/pli-tv-bu-pm-div" rel="nofollow noreferrer">celibacy is a precept</a>. For the lay follower planning to get married and become a householder, the consideration is much gentler, with a clear prohibition against <a href="https://suttacentral.net/an7.6/en/thanissaro" rel="nofollow noreferrer">illicit sexual conduct</a>.</p>

<blockquote>
  <p>And what is the treasure of virtue? There is the case where a disciple of the noble ones abstains from taking life, abstains from stealing, abstains from illicit sexual conduct, abstains from lying, abstains from taking intoxicants that cause heedlessness. This, monks, is called the treasure of virtue (AN7.6 Thanissaro)</p>
</blockquote>

<p>Notably, the lay path will be difficult:</p>

<blockquote>
  <p><a href="https://suttacentral.net/sn56.73/en/sujato" rel="nofollow noreferrer">“… the sentient beings who refrain from sexual misconduct are few, while those who don’t refrain are many. …”</a></p>
</blockquote>

CC BY-SA 4.0
2018-08-11T15:31:27.163Z
2018-08-11T15:31:27.163Z
OyaMist
<p>If you are not married, the Buddha said to look at opposite sex friends like brother &amp; sister:</p>

<blockquote>
  <p><em>'Come now, monks: with regard to women who are old enough to be your
  mother, establish the attitude you would have toward your mother. With
  regard to women who are old enough to be your sister, establish the
  attitude you'd have toward a sister. With regard to women who are
  young enough to be your daughter, establish the attitude you'd have
  toward a daughter.'</em></p>
  
  <p><a href="https://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/sn/sn35/sn35.127.than.html" rel="nofollow noreferrer"><em>SN 35.127</em></a></p>
</blockquote>

<p>If a person wishes to get married, the Buddha taught a suitable partner has the same life goals &amp; attitudes; particularly living according the five precepts:</p>

<blockquote>
  <p><em>Householders, if both husband and wife wish to see one another not only in this present time but also in the future, they should have
  the same faith, the same virtuous behavior, the same generosity and
  the same wisdom. Then they will see one another not only in this
  present time but also in the future.</em></p>
  
  <p><a href="https://suttacentral.net/an4.55/en/bodhi" rel="nofollow noreferrer"><em>AN 4.55</em></a></p>
  
  <hr>
  
  <p><em>Householders, there are these four ways of living together. What four? A male wretch lives together with a female wretch; a male wretch lives together with a female goddess; a male god lives together with a female wretch; a male god lives together with a female goddess.</em></p>
  
  <p><a href="https://suttacentral.net/an4.53/en/bodhi" rel="nofollow noreferrer"><em>AN 4.53</em></a> </p>
  
  <hr>
  
  <p><em>When both husband and wife are endowed with faith, charitable and self-controlled, living their lives righteously, addressing each other
  with pleasant words, Then many benefits accrue to them and they dwell
  at ease.</em></p>
  
  <p><a href="https://suttacentral.net/an4.53/en/bodhi" rel="nofollow noreferrer"><em>AN 4.53</em></a> <em>&amp;</em> <a href="https://suttacentral.net/an4.55/en/bodhi" rel="nofollow noreferrer"><em>AN 4.55</em></a></p>
</blockquote>

<p>If one or both people had many sexual partners before they get married and <strong>do not respect the precept of sexual fidelity</strong> then, as the Buddha taught above in <a href="https://suttacentral.net/an4.53/en/bodhi" rel="nofollow noreferrer">AN 4.53</a> &amp; <a href="https://suttacentral.net/an4.55/en/bodhi" rel="nofollow noreferrer">AN 4.55</a>, their marriage will most likely (but not always) have problems. The Buddha particularly emphasised sexual misconduct should be avoided by and towards women, as follows:</p>

<blockquote>
  <p><em>242. Unchastity is the taint in a woman.</em> </p>
  
  <p><em>242. In a woman, misconduct is an impurity.</em></p>
  
  <p><a href="https://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/kn/dhp/dhp.18.budd.html" rel="nofollow noreferrer"><em>Dhammapada</em></a></p>
</blockquote>

CC BY-SA 4.0
2018-08-12T03:36:07.883Z
Thanks a lot. This answer helped me a lot. No, I didn't mean any sort of a sexual-relationship but a general friendship in which we share many things. The thing is, being a girl from an Asian country, not all boys understand to be just friends with a girl. Some understand the whole thing in a wrong way when I try to maintain a good friendship with them.
Amaani
CC BY-SA 4.0
2018-08-12T11:18:44.540Z
OK. Thank you also. You are welcome. With metta
Dhamma Dhatu
CC BY-SA 4.0
2018-08-11T21:19:41.097Z
2018-08-11T21:31:56.510Z
2018-08-11T21:31:56.510Z
Dhamma Dhatu
<p>I didn't use to have much boys as friends but with time I made several boy friends from which some were really close. I want to know what has Lord Buddha chanted about a girl &amp; a boy being friends?  Will it be something bad when I get married?</p>

<personal-practice><lay-buddhism><sexuality><lay-person>
Can a girl & a boy be friends
# Can a girl & a boy be friends

(Asked by: username_0 on 2018-08-11)

I didn't use to have much boys as friends but with time I made several boy friends from which some were really close. I want to know what has Lord Buddha chanted about a girl & a boy being friends? Will it be something bad when I get married?

**Tags:** personal-practice, lay-buddhism, sexuality, lay-person


---

## 3 answers

### Answer by username_3 on 2018-08-11. Score: 5 | Accepted answer

If you are not married, the Buddha said to look at opposite sex friends like brother & sister:

> *'Come now, monks: with regard to women who are old enough to be your
> mother, establish the attitude you would have toward your mother. With
> regard to women who are old enough to be your sister, establish the
> attitude you'd have toward a sister. With regard to women who are
> young enough to be your daughter, establish the attitude you'd have
> toward a daughter.'*
>
> [*SN 35.127*](https://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/sn/sn35/sn35.127.than.html)

If a person wishes to get married, the Buddha taught a suitable partner has the same life goals & attitudes; particularly living according the five precepts:

> *Householders, if both husband and wife wish to see one another not only in this present time but also in the future, they should have
> the same faith, the same virtuous behavior, the same generosity and
> the same wisdom. Then they will see one another not only in this
> present time but also in the future.*
>
> [*AN 4.55*](https://suttacentral.net/an4.55/en/bodhi)
>
> ---
>
> *Householders, there are these four ways of living together. What four? A male wretch lives together with a female wretch; a male wretch lives together with a female goddess; a male god lives together with a female wretch; a male god lives together with a female goddess.*
>
> [*AN 4.53*](https://suttacentral.net/an4.53/en/bodhi)
>
> ---
>
> *When both husband and wife are endowed with faith, charitable and self-controlled, living their lives righteously, addressing each other
> with pleasant words, Then many benefits accrue to them and they dwell
> at ease.*
>
> [*AN 4.53*](https://suttacentral.net/an4.53/en/bodhi) *&* [*AN 4.55*](https://suttacentral.net/an4.55/en/bodhi)

If one or both people had many sexual partners before they get married and **do not respect the precept of sexual fidelity** then, as the Buddha taught above in [AN 4.53](https://suttacentral.net/an4.53/en/bodhi) & [AN 4.55](https://suttacentral.net/an4.55/en/bodhi), their marriage will most likely (but not always) have problems. The Buddha particularly emphasised sexual misconduct should be avoided by and towards women, as follows:

> *242. Unchastity is the taint in a woman.*
>
> *242. In a woman, misconduct is an impurity.*
>
> [*Dhammapada*](https://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/kn/dhp/dhp.18.budd.html)

> **Comments:**
> **username_0**: Thanks a lot. This answer helped me a lot. No, I didn't mean any sort of a sexual-relationship but a general friendship in which we share many things. The thing is, being a girl from an Asian country, not all boys understand to be just friends with a girl. Some understand the whole thing in a wrong way when I try to maintain a good friendship with them.  
> **username_3**: OK. Thank you also. You are welcome. With metta  

---

### Answer by username_1 on 2018-08-13. Score: 2

According to Bodhisattva, if you are unmarried then treat every boy and girl like your sibling. So, your question can be boiled down to, "Can siblings be friends?" to which I will answer, "Siblings are almost always friends!" The Buddha never spoke explicitly about this, though he mentioned that adultery is a sin and a hindrance to Nirvana- and anybody who commits his mind to such thoughts is also as much at fault as the one who actually commits the sin. There is no place for lust in friendship, so I think, yes. Boys and girls can be friends.


---

### Answer by username_2 on 2018-08-11. Score: 1

For the monastic, [celibacy is a precept](https://suttacentral.net/pli-tv-bu-pm-div). For the lay follower planning to get married and become a householder, the consideration is much gentler, with a clear prohibition against [illicit sexual conduct](https://suttacentral.net/an7.6/en/thanissaro).

> And what is the treasure of virtue? There is the case where a disciple of the noble ones abstains from taking life, abstains from stealing, abstains from illicit sexual conduct, abstains from lying, abstains from taking intoxicants that cause heedlessness. This, monks, is called the treasure of virtue (AN7.6 Thanissaro)

Notably, the lay path will be difficult:

> [“… the sentient beings who refrain from sexual misconduct are few, while those who don’t refrain are many. …”](https://suttacentral.net/sn56.73/en/sujato)


---

