<blockquote>
  <p>What do you think, Rahula: What is a mirror for?"</p>
  
  <p>"For reflection, sir."</p>
  
  <p>"In the same way, Rahula, bodily actions, verbal actions, &amp; mental
  actions are to be done with repeated reflection.</p>
  
  <p>"Whenever you want to do a bodily action, you should reflect on it:
  'This bodily action I want to do — would it lead to self-affliction,
  to the affliction of others, or to both? Would it be an unskillful
  bodily action, with painful consequences, painful results?' If, on
  reflection, you know that it would lead to self-affliction, to the
  affliction of others, or to both; it would be an unskillful bodily
  action with painful consequences, painful results, then any bodily
  action of that sort is absolutely unfit for you to do. But if on
  reflection you know that it would not cause affliction... it would be
  a skillful bodily action with pleasant consequences, pleasant results,
  then any bodily action of that sort is fit for you to do.</p>
  
  <p>"While you are doing a bodily action, you should reflect on it: 'This
  bodily action I am doing — is it leading to self-affliction, to the
  affliction of others, or to both? Is it an unskillful bodily action,
  with painful consequences, painful results?' If, on reflection, you
  know that it is leading to self-affliction, to the affliction of
  others, or to both... you should give it up. But if on reflection you
  know that it is not... you may continue with it.</p>
  
  <p>"Having done a bodily action, you should reflect on it: 'This bodily
  action I have done — did it lead to self-affliction, to the affliction
  of others, or to both? Was it an unskillful bodily action, with
  painful consequences, painful results?' If, on reflection, you know
  that it led to self-affliction, to the affliction of others, or to
  both; it was an unskillful bodily action with painful consequences,
  painful results, then you should confess it, reveal it, lay it open to
  the Teacher or to a knowledgeable companion in the holy life. Having
  confessed it... you should exercise restraint in the future. But if on
  reflection you know that it did not lead to affliction... it was a
  skillful bodily action with pleasant consequences, pleasant results,
  then you should stay mentally refreshed &amp; joyful, training day &amp; night
  in skillful mental qualities.</p>
</blockquote>

<p><a href="https://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/mn/mn.061.than.html" rel="nofollow noreferrer">Majjhima  Nikaya 61</a></p>

<p>Concentrate on whether your behaviour is beneficial to you and them, and if not, adjust it accordingly. </p>

<p>This is by Kahlil Gibran, not a Buddhist, but the jist of his thought is not un-Buddhist!</p>

<blockquote>
  <p>And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, Speak to us of
  Children.
       And he said: Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself. They come through you
  but not from you, And though they are with you yet they belong not to
  you. You may give them your love but not your thoughts, For they have
  their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls,
  For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot
  visit, not even in your dreams. You may strive to be like them, but
  seek not to make them like you. For life goes not backward nor tarries
  with yesterday. You are the bows from which your children as living
  arrows are sent forth. The archer sees the mark upon the path of the
  infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift
  and far. Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness; For
  even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that
  is stable.</p>
</blockquote>

<p>My child is very stubborn, he is 5, and mostly learns through his own errors, not my translation of my errors to him - in my hope he avoids them for himself a-priori. People learn from their own errors for the most part, we can only guide them if they accept guidance. If they don't, guidance will only push them away or to rebellion, better accept if they demand distance, and wait until they see their errors, and return. </p>

CC BY-SA 4.0
2020-04-27T22:03:59.253Z
My husband is trying to convince my children that I am doing something  wrong  for them.so they hurt me. Now it is serious  and I can't  tolerate it anymore. How can I stay with them.he try to laugh  at me with my  children.
Buddhika Kitsiri
CC BY-SA 4.0
2020-04-28T09:35:34.200Z
@BuddhikaKitsiri Sorry you're still having trouble. It's unlikely that most users will see this comment -- you might get more answers if you [post it as a new question](https://buddhism.stackexchange.com/questions/ask) instead of as a comment.
ChrisW
CC BY-SA 4.0
2020-04-28T14:44:42.063Z
Sorry to hear you are having such trouble. Maybe try and find a third person you can both discuss your issues with? Putting a wedge between you and your children by commenting on how you raise them, instead of directly taking up this issue with you is not the right way to solve problems. Ask your children why your husband doesn't speak to you directly, since after all to solve a problem you must deal with the root of it. If he laughs at you doing your best, ask him and your children if that action is beneficial, and who benefits from it! Do ask another question though, people are helpful here!
Ilya Grushevskiy
CC BY-SA 4.0
2020-04-30T13:44:43.407Z
No point discuss with a third person. I ask him to go for counselling. He said no. What he expect  doing things  like that. Did he want me to leave. My younger daughter  has an eye defect. So doctor ask her to only  watch t.v 1/an hour  per day. But he try to let her watch  more than that and sometimes  he try to  show videos from his apple phone  which is not totally acceptable.   I am very sad and can't  give up because  they  are my children. Don't  know  what to do.
Buddhika Kitsiri
CC BY-SA 4.0
2020-05-01T07:16:57.327Z
A parent should form the kids to do what is beneficial for them. Does your husband think a lot of TV is beneficial for them? How? There is what people want and what people need - kids will always choose what they want over what they need, and a parent should encourage what then need - kindness, education, safety. Maybe devise a way to use the tablet in an educational way. My kid watches numberblocks, alphablocks, so we usually don't complain if he does 3 hours of spelling in front of a screen. But 3 hours of cartoons is a different thing! Try and adjust the behaviour to be more useful maybe!
Ilya Grushevskiy
CC BY-SA 4.0
2020-05-05T17:15:45.153Z
Today I met with an accident.somebody has put some stapler pins on the floor so I didn't noticed and stepped into it .It pierced my foot. I am so sad. I don't  know  whether anybody  has purposely do it or not.But there is curfew  going on and it is difficult  to get a toxoid  even. Sad.
Buddhika Kitsiri
CC BY-SA 4.0
2020-04-16T20:56:39.357Z
2020-04-16T20:56:39.357Z
Ilya Grushevskiy
<p>The solution to your question is first of all making own mind peaceful.
For this you can start with the practice of anapana meditation .</p>

<p>Once you start becoming peaceful with this in few days then make your children sit with you for meditation 5-10 minutes.</p>

<p><strong>For all:</strong> 
<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oh5ii6R6LTM" rel="nofollow noreferrer">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oh5ii6R6LTM</a></p>

<p>For Children
<a href="https://www.vridhamma.org/Anapana-and-Children" rel="nofollow noreferrer">https://www.vridhamma.org/Anapana-and-Children</a></p>

<p>Thanks Dhamma!</p>

<p>Dhamma means universal</p>

CC BY-SA 4.0
2020-04-18T10:32:24.367Z
2020-04-18T10:32:24.367Z
Deepak Ahirwar
<p>How to let go your own children. They are giving  hard time for me. I can't  go even . Because  they are young.but have problems. </p>

<vipassana>
Letting go in day to day life
# Letting go in day to day life

(Asked by: username_0 on 2020-04-16)

How to let go your own children. They are giving hard time for me. I can't go even . Because they are young.but have problems.

**Tags:** vipassana


---

## 2 answers

### Answer by username_1 on 2020-04-16. Score: 1

> What do you think, Rahula: What is a mirror for?"
>
> "For reflection, sir."
>
> "In the same way, Rahula, bodily actions, verbal actions, & mental
> actions are to be done with repeated reflection.
>
> "Whenever you want to do a bodily action, you should reflect on it:
> 'This bodily action I want to do — would it lead to self-affliction,
> to the affliction of others, or to both? Would it be an unskillful
> bodily action, with painful consequences, painful results?' If, on
> reflection, you know that it would lead to self-affliction, to the
> affliction of others, or to both; it would be an unskillful bodily
> action with painful consequences, painful results, then any bodily
> action of that sort is absolutely unfit for you to do. But if on
> reflection you know that it would not cause affliction... it would be
> a skillful bodily action with pleasant consequences, pleasant results,
> then any bodily action of that sort is fit for you to do.
>
> "While you are doing a bodily action, you should reflect on it: 'This
> bodily action I am doing — is it leading to self-affliction, to the
> affliction of others, or to both? Is it an unskillful bodily action,
> with painful consequences, painful results?' If, on reflection, you
> know that it is leading to self-affliction, to the affliction of
> others, or to both... you should give it up. But if on reflection you
> know that it is not... you may continue with it.
>
> "Having done a bodily action, you should reflect on it: 'This bodily
> action I have done — did it lead to self-affliction, to the affliction
> of others, or to both? Was it an unskillful bodily action, with
> painful consequences, painful results?' If, on reflection, you know
> that it led to self-affliction, to the affliction of others, or to
> both; it was an unskillful bodily action with painful consequences,
> painful results, then you should confess it, reveal it, lay it open to
> the Teacher or to a knowledgeable companion in the holy life. Having
> confessed it... you should exercise restraint in the future. But if on
> reflection you know that it did not lead to affliction... it was a
> skillful bodily action with pleasant consequences, pleasant results,
> then you should stay mentally refreshed & joyful, training day & night
> in skillful mental qualities.

[Majjhima Nikaya 61](https://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/mn/mn.061.than.html)

Concentrate on whether your behaviour is beneficial to you and them, and if not, adjust it accordingly.

This is by Kahlil Gibran, not a Buddhist, but the jist of his thought is not un-Buddhist!

> And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, Speak to us of
> Children.
> And he said: Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself. They come through you
> but not from you, And though they are with you yet they belong not to
> you. You may give them your love but not your thoughts, For they have
> their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls,
> For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot
> visit, not even in your dreams. You may strive to be like them, but
> seek not to make them like you. For life goes not backward nor tarries
> with yesterday. You are the bows from which your children as living
> arrows are sent forth. The archer sees the mark upon the path of the
> infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift
> and far. Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness; For
> even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that
> is stable.

My child is very stubborn, he is 5, and mostly learns through his own errors, not my translation of my errors to him - in my hope he avoids them for himself a-priori. People learn from their own errors for the most part, we can only guide them if they accept guidance. If they don't, guidance will only push them away or to rebellion, better accept if they demand distance, and wait until they see their errors, and return.

> **Comments:**
> **username_0**: My husband is trying to convince my children that I am doing something  wrong  for them.so they hurt me. Now it is serious  and I can't  tolerate it anymore. How can I stay with them.he try to laugh  at me with my  children.  
> **username_2**: @BuddhikaKitsiri Sorry you're still having trouble. It's unlikely that most users will see this comment -- you might get more answers if you [post it as a new question](https://buddhism.stackexchange.com/questions/ask) instead of as a comment.  
> **username_1**: Sorry to hear you are having such trouble. Maybe try and find a third person you can both discuss your issues with? Putting a wedge between you and your children by commenting on how you raise them, instead of directly taking up this issue with you is not the right way to solve problems. Ask your children why your husband doesn't speak to you directly, since after all to solve a problem you must deal with the root of it. If he laughs at you doing your best, ask him and your children if that action is beneficial, and who benefits from it! Do ask another question though, people are helpful here!  
> **username_0**: No point discuss with a third person. I ask him to go for counselling. He said no. What he expect  doing things  like that. Did he want me to leave. My younger daughter  has an eye defect. So doctor ask her to only  watch t.v 1/an hour  per day. But he try to let her watch  more than that and sometimes  he try to  show videos from his apple phone  which is not totally acceptable.   I am very sad and can't  give up because  they  are my children. Don't  know  what to do.  
> **username_1**: A parent should form the kids to do what is beneficial for them. Does your husband think a lot of TV is beneficial for them? How? There is what people want and what people need - kids will always choose what they want over what they need, and a parent should encourage what then need - kindness, education, safety. Maybe devise a way to use the tablet in an educational way. My kid watches numberblocks, alphablocks, so we usually don't complain if he does 3 hours of spelling in front of a screen. But 3 hours of cartoons is a different thing! Try and adjust the behaviour to be more useful maybe!  
> **username_0**: Today I met with an accident.somebody has put some stapler pins on the floor so I didn't noticed and stepped into it .It pierced my foot. I am so sad. I don't  know  whether anybody  has purposely do it or not.But there is curfew  going on and it is difficult  to get a toxoid  even. Sad.  

---

### Answer by username_3 on 2020-04-18. Score: -2

The solution to your question is first of all making own mind peaceful.
For this you can start with the practice of anapana meditation .

Once you start becoming peaceful with this in few days then make your children sit with you for meditation 5-10 minutes.

**For all:**
<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oh5ii6R6LTM>

For Children
<https://www.vridhamma.org/Anapana-and-Children>

Thanks Dhamma!

Dhamma means universal


---

