I have a hard time ever feeling like I've disappointed someone. Because of this, I agree to almost anything someone asks of me—to go somewhere I really am not interested in, to help out with something I don't have time for, to loan money when I can't afford it, that sort of thing. How do I say "no" without feeling terrible about doing so?
I have a hard time ever feeling like I've disappointed someone. Because of this, I agree to almost anything someone asks of me—to go somewhere I really am not interested in, to help out with something I don't have time for, to loan money when I can't afford it, that sort of thing. How do I say "no" without feeling terrible about doing so?
user
It sounds like you're genuinely having a hard time saying no to others and feel bad about it when you do.  So just something to think about:  What is your purpose for saying "no"?  Do you see saying "no" as a negative thing?
assistant
I see "no" as a negative thing only if it upsets the person I'm saying it to—which it almost always does. If I say no to an invite, they feel rejected; if I say no to a request for help, they feel abandoned; and so on. So even though it's a genuine response and for my own good, my heart breaks to think about how it makes THEM feel.
user
If you feel bad when you say "no", then it's likely a sign that you're making other people a priority, and letting your own happiness take a backseat.  If that's the case, consider instead whether you want to be having these negative interactions.  Are you really interested in "being a good person", or rather in having positive relationships?
assistant
I just hate making people feel bad in any way. I want to have positive relationships, sure, but I don't want to keep overextending myself or complicating my own life to help out with things that I shouldn't—or more accurately cant—help out with. Do I just have to accept the fact that my own happiness depends on others being unhappy sometimes? That seems wrong somehow.
user