First, let me start by saying...wow. Your command of the english language is impressive.
Some people think purple prose can be boring and unnecessary, but when done well, I think it can really make plain words come alive.
Considering we're always told that good writing requires you to cut out the excess fat however, that usually means doing away with all that purple.
I think it's important to first define and what purple prose is. Because of it poetic roots, it's not always easy to find a straight-forward answer, but Wilkapedia describes it simply as:
Purple prose is characterized by the excessive use of adjectives, adverbs, and metaphors.
But I prefer this definition:
Superfluous, extravagant, showy, elaborate, and flowery language.
You certainly have that going for yourself.
The thing is, I've read a fair amount of books in my lifetime, and I have to say, not everyone can purple prose like a pro. In fact, too much of the purple stuff can immediately stamp your work as amateur by the second time you've described what her hair is doing.
I always say, if you want to know how to do something right, learn from those who've already done it and do it well.
Author <PERSON>'s Snow Crash starts off with nothing but purple goodness, and none of it makes us cringe. Check out the first paragraph of his book:
"The Deliverator belongs to an elite order, a hallowed sub-category. He's got esprit up to here. Right now he is preparing to carry out his third mission of the night. His uniform is black as activated charcoal, filtering the very light out of the air. A bullet will bounce off its arachno-fiber weave like a wren hitting a patio door, but excess perspiration wafts through it like a breeze through a freshly napalmed forest. Where his body has bony extremities, the suit has sintered armorgel: feels like gritty jello, protects like a stack of telephone books..."
So let's break down what he did right.
1. 873
HE KEEPS IT MOVING.
Every sentence gave us more description without feeling as though he's repeating himself.
When we look at your passage, you first start with mood:
"A haunted look marred <PERSON>’s face perpetually..."
Then you mention her hair in the second sentence: "A blow of cool, spring breeze tickled her ears, and whooshed aside a stray curl covering her left cheek..."
You then move back to mood..."Instead of feeling revitalised, a surge of irritation rippled within her..."
But then you go back and mention her hair for the next three long sentences.
The TAKEAWAY:
Once you've moved on, you cannot go back. You'll only be beating a dead horse.
Reconstruct your sentences so that even if you're describing the same thing, it feels like the story is moving along. In your case, adding " Instead of feeling revitalised, a surge of irritation rippled within her, which manifested itself in her sudden moans of annoyance and shuffling uneasily in the rickshaw seat..." broke up your description which felt as though you were done talking about her hair, so we were also ready to move on.
So if you rewrote this, it would read:
..."A blow of cool, spring breeze tickled <PERSON>'s ears, and whooshed aside a stray curl covering her left cheek. She had spent the better half of that morning painstakingly ensuring that that curl stayed fastened to its rightful place. Apparently, the clip had slid down her watery waves of decidedly unimpressive plain, crow-black hair. Cursing the silkiness of her slick, stick-straight hair, she moved onto focusing on the wide roads of concrete they whirled past..."
Now I'm ready to know what happens down that concrete road.
2. SELECTIVE WORD CHOICE
We've established purple prose is all about excessive use of adjectives, adverbs and metaphors and <PERSON> first paragraph has it's fair share, BUT every word pulls it's weight and every word feels appropriate for what he's describing. They're used to describe the character's appearance without exaggeration.
"His uniform is black as activated charcoal, filtering the very light out of the air..."
1. Filtering is a fitting visual description for describing the air's behavior.
2. A bullet will bounce off its arachno-fiber weave like a wren hitting a patio door,
3. ...but excess perspiration wafts through it like a breeze
When we look at your passage, some of your adjectives and metaphors call attention to themselves because they're either inappropriate for the description or don't add any value. 627