I agree with <PERSON>, but beyond just passive voice (rampant in amateur writers) I see an issue of style. Some sentences read smoother than others, this is absolutely true. So if your question is merely about style, you just have to read a million books and reread your own book a million times until your words flow like syrup on a stripper's thigh.
If your question is really about show vs. tell, the only trade-offs there always has 'tell' on the losing end. If you want to maintain pacing, then pace it appropriately. Pacing and showing are mutually exclusive.
If you don't want to divulge certain information, don't. Information and showing are also mutually exclusive.
If it's awkward, rewrite it. If it's too wordy, use less words. All of the issues of show vs tell are writer issues, style issues, but none mitigate the value of the show.
The only time you should tell your reader anything is when there is no emotion or plot involved. When what you're saying is objective and a vehicle to move the story along.
"They walked across the tarmac."
No problem. You can tell that, especially if the plane or the characters or whatever else is what's important.
But not if the tarmac is made of meat. 873
That requires a show, not a tell, because a meat tarmac is out of the ordinary and should generate a reaction from the reader. You want your readers to feel the discomfort of their feet squishing on meat, rather than the familiarity and assurety of rough concrete. If you merely tell them it's uncomfortable, it has no impact.
Books do not merely tell a story. They evoke them, in ways that not even movies can attain. Movies can impact you through visuals and sounds. You can see a character react and know what they're feeling. You can hear the low, stomach-churning pitch of <PERSON>'s spell razing the amassed soldiers. The music swells, the skies darken, and the wave of magic crashes into the front lines, countless bodies like blackened matchsticks, violently tossed asunder or carried along in its horrific wake.
A book is internal. You can know the minds of the characters far more than you can with any other medium, and you would be remiss to lose that opportunity to invoke the readers' emotions to your aims. The best books, like the best movies, will make you cry, rage, yearn, laugh, worry, whatever.
But you can't tell your reader to cry. You gotta weave magic for that. 999