Why does using this "-ing" verb construction make my writing weaker?
I had to write a scholarship essay, wherein I wrote this sentence:
"Over the ensuing years I read as much as I could, trying to increase my knowledge and understanding of my own language."
I sent it to my mom to look over in case I did something stupid, and somehow it ended up being sent to an English major I know vaguely, and I got this reply:
"...instead of "trying," I would suggest something like "in order to" or "in an attempt to." This "-past action- , -ing verb" structure is, for more advanced writers, considered a bit weaker."
I trust her judgement on such things implicitly, partially because I've never taken any formal writing/grammar course, partially because I know she's an excellent writer, and, in that particular case, partially because I was stressed out of mind and didn't think to question an all-knowing English major.
But now it occurs to me, why does using that construction make my writing weaker? I realise she qualified her statement, but I happen to use that construction quite a lot because one of my first favorite authors, who massively influenced my writing, does as well. I've never heard this anywhere else.
Could someone please tell me what the problem with that construction is, or where to find out? As you may have gathered from the title itself, my knowledge of writing, style, and grammar is rather eclectic.
Also: I'm posting this on Writers instead of English because I'm interested in the grammar less than I am in its impact on my writing. Forgive me if I've made a mistake. :)
EDIT: It seems that most people think trying is the least of this sentence's problems! I thought I'd go ahead and give some more context so people can see exactly what purpose the sentence serves and what-not. I respect all of the answers given based on what I initially posted, but...Well, lesson learned. :) Sorry if I should have done this from the outset. 480
I'll italicise the sentence itself and bold the word in question.
Paragraph:
"...<PERSON>’s constructed languages and his insight into English so beguiled me that I began spending my afternoons researching his field of philology. I soon learned that it was a subfield of linguistics, which only expanded my curiosity. Over the ensuing years I read as much as I could, trying to increase my knowledge and understanding of my own language. As soon as my high school schedule allowed it, I began taking French and Latin, in addition to German, in order to independently gain further insight into the foundations of the English language. I often felt frustrated, however, by my own lack of training in the subject of linguistics and the relative obscurity of the field. Although my interest never waned, it stagnated..."
It's hardly my best writing (unfortunately). Funny how you always realise that after it's too late....:( 480