I'll admit outright that it's late and so I won't read all of the rigorous Q&A presented here. However, I would like to present you with a few examples, off the top of my head, that may be of use to you in your quest:
1. First thing that pops to mind is "The Slave" (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Slave_(book) ). I'll assume you've read it, since if you hadn't it is an inconceivable wrong you must right at once. The main character faces the exact same dilemmas you are talking about, and the book is beautifully written and extremely moving (sobs sobs) - even a sarcastic feminist heretic such as I couldn't force her own set of beliefs on the character, and wouldn't expect him to act any other way, tragic as it was.
2. Mad Men is a good example of characters having different sets of beliefs and ideas about life than our own, and still being totally believable in their actions - even if those are sometimes quite terrible by our standards.
3. Also, URGH! I've looked for half an hour for another very specific story and I'm trying to remember it's name, or the author, or where I came across it. But it was also by one of those Jewish-Polish authors, so it's a good thing to brush up on some of those. These dilemmas are their bread and butter.
4. Something I'll bet you hadn't come across. The anime series Kino's Journey. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kino's_Journey A very good series, really. Kino travels between fictional cities, and each city has a strange culture or tradition of it's own. 805
Explaining will ruin it. Go find a DVD somewhere.
5. <PERSON> has plenty of characters that are terribly obsessed with cleanliness, order and cooking, to the point of those becoming rituals. Hard Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World, maybe. (I must reluctantly admit I hadn't finished that book. boo-hoo on me).
6. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/In_the_Penal_Colony . Though that might be taking it a notch too far.
... As a rule, though, a character undergoing a process is more interesting than a character staying in the same spot. Someone who decides not to have a complicated romantic relationship isn't as interesting as someone who has it and regrets it. But I guess if it's not really the main or only focus in the story, it won't be a problem. The ceremony example is actually quite interesting, btw. I'd read that story. 460