Yiwen n wass n yebrir deg tmurt n Leqbayel, ruḥeɣ ar tesdawit ad waliɣ tamdakkelt-iw. Tafsut tesken-d udem-is, igenni d azegzaw, lqaɛa am tfelwit yesbeɣ unazur.
Tanzayt n wass neqqim deg tɣiIust, nekk d kra n yikamaraden n yifer aẓelmaḍ ɣer tama n tesdawit. Nezzi-d ɣef ṭṭabla nettqessir ɣef tsertit, mi d-yekcem usentel n tayri, yezzi-d ɣur-i yiwen n ukamarad yenna-d: tayri ilaq ad tili d tagrawliwt. Tilifun yessawel-d, ul ineddeh-d, ǧǧiɣ imdukal ur nessuli ameslay, ur zeggneɣ lkas-iw n lqahwa.
Greɣ asurif s lemɣawla ad ttwaliɣ, deg wallaɣ-iw qqareɣ-as: tayri d tagrawliwt?! Kra n wayyuren seld, teddez tebrez, iɣisi yella-d d tin ḥettmeɣ i wul-iw, abrid-is ur leḥḥunt fell-as tektiwin-iw. Yedda wakud uɣaleɣ-d s awal n ukamarad : tayri d tagrawliwt!
Tezger-d luḍyat, idurar, isaffen d wagrakal; teǧǧan tamurt n leḥṛam. Tusa-d ɣur-i s wudem n tetbirt . Tenna-k mi yi-twala: “Ziɣen nemmut deg tudert! Cudden-aɣ imi, kksen-aɣ tilelli!”
Nniɣ-as aẓ-d, ur ttaggad da mačči d dinna. Temmaẓeḍ-d ɣur-i tenna-d: “Awi-d tabizut-nni i rran d leḥṛam.” Nniɣ-as : “Muqqel-d s allen-iw, awi-d tabaxest-im, qqim-d deg yirebbi-w tsuɣeḍ yid-i « TILELLI! ».
Aṭas n yiqbayliyen ara d-yinin: bezzaf, tɛeddaḍ tilas, nekkni d leqbayel, mačči d irumiyen, nesɛa nnif. Taggara ad d-iniɣ Inɛaddin n nnif d teqbaylit! Nnif deg tmusni, mačči mgal tayri d tqemmuct. Tayri d tlelli d tigreɣlanin mačči d tirumiyin. Deg yizenqan n Pari, nekk akked kemm, d iderwicen nettwanas tiziri n wuḍan ɣezzifen. Ur d-neclig deg yimeslayen neɣ deg wallen n wid yusmen deg tlelli-nneɣ. Yiwen wass Simone de Bauvoir d Kateb Yacine walan-aɣ-d, ḍsan-d nann-aɣ-d: tagrawla s tayri, tayri d tagrawliwt. Amzun d taɛwint i teswwayeḍ s leḥnana-m tibḥirt n tudert-iw, teǧǧiḍ deg-s azeǧǧig yefsa di yennayer almi dujembeṛ. Kemm d tagrawla, tin yugin taɛebga n tmetti, d tin yerran ɣef yidisan-is talaba n tlelli. Tudert-im d tin n tmeḥbust n tmeti i d-yenwan nnif-im atenan gar yiḍaṛṛen-im! Ttwaliɣ-kem tettwarzeḍ gar yifassen n yiwaɣzeniwen, ḥulfaɣ s tasa-m tezza, s wul-im yegga, maca tazmart ur telli.
Tazmart d adabu i d-meksen wid yenwan d nutni kan i d imdanen deg lqaɛa! Deg twacult yaya-m d taqeddact n jeddi-m, ad tagem, ad tenqec tibḥirt, ad telḥeq tuga i lmal, ad tger azeṭṭa, ad tessew tagella , yiwen n wass ma teɣleḍ ad tt-yewwet ulwes-is neɣ umɣaṛ-is! Tusa-d yemma-m, terwa leɛtab d lḥebs n uxxam am yaya-m. Bɣan ad kem-rren am tunent i wid d-yezzi yinijjel ɣef wallaɣ-nsen. Zwer, ini-d xaṭi! Zzwi taɛebga i am-sbabben igimen! Ger irebbi i tlelli! Ur ttaggad wid yeqqaṛen i yillu-nsen « tanemmirt mi mačči d tameṭṭut i d-aɣ-d-tefkiḍ », neɣ wid yenwan d tameṭṭut i d-yessufɣen amdan si lǧennet ɣer Tudert , neɣ xeṛsum wid i izemren ad kem-rnun ɣef krad n takniwin. Ur sen-ttcuḥḥu i wid yettnadin tafekka-m, mačči d tamusni-m. Ili d kemm, d amdan , mačči d tameṭṭut, mačči d taɣawsa gar yifassen n buclaɣem. Ini-yasen nnif mačči gar yiḍaṛṛen-iw, sɛaya mačči deg urraɣ lsiɣ, leḥmala mačči s ccix.
Ini-yasen nnif d ssɛaya deg wallaɣ, ma d tayri ur teḥwaǧ-ara inigi. S tmusni-m, ssu aɣbalu n tmetti yemsan s yir tiktiwin! Tisutiwin i d-yettnekkaren ad swent aman n tnekra. Targit-im d Targit-iw, ur yettili umeqqṛan d umecṭuḥ, aẓawali d umeṛkanti, neɣ argaz d tmeṭṭut , amtawi ad yaɣ akk talsa. Deg lqaɛa yeɣli-d yiḍ d usemmiḍ, imdanen tekcem-iten tugdi! Tayri-nneɣ tuɣal d talaba, nemgar irebbi, temlal tfekka-m d Ttfekka-w. Mlalent wallen-im d wallen-iw, Tafat tuɣ-d takurt, malelent tcenfirin-nneɣ, yefsi ugris, slan-d yimdanen i ulhat-nneɣ, suɣen: tagrawla, ttun tugdi. Di 09 n wayuren nesɛa-d akniwen, Talsa akked Asirem, deg kra n yiseggasen ad nemmet d ilelliyen. Tayri tetteddu d tegrawla, acku tayri tettruẓu iṭabuten: ur d-teclig deg yiwen, ur tessin leḥlal d leḥṛam, ur tettwali temɣer neɣ temẓi !
AMAR BENHAMOUCHE
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