LUGWASYO KUMUKWASYI | CIKWATI
Mbomukonzya Kunyoneka
BUYUMUYUMU
Nywebo angomukwetene limwi mujisi mizeezo iindene mucintu cimwi. Mubwini, mulijisi zyakusala zyotatwe:
Cankazi mulakonzya kuzumanana amuzeezo wanu kusikila limwi watobelwa.
Mulakonzya kutobela buyo muzeezo ngwajisi ngomukwetene limwi.
Nyoonse nyobilo mulakonzya kunyoneka.
Mulakonzya kwaamba kuti, ‘Mebo tandaayandi makani aakunyoneka. Cili mbuli kuti toonse tatukonzyi kujana ncotuyanda!’
Ikuti naa kwacitwa munzila iiluzi, kunyoneka takweelede kubapa kutakkomana banabukwetene. Pele katutanalanga-langa mbotukonzya kunyoneka, kuli zintu zisyoonto nzyomweelede kuzyiba kujatikizya bube oobu buyandika kapati.
NZYOMWEELEDE KUZYIBA
Kunyoneka kuyandika kubelekela antoomwe. Kamutanakwata naa kukwatwa, mwakalizyibide kulisalila cakucita. Lino zintu zyacinca, nywebo angomukwetene limwi mweelede kubona cikwati canu kuti ncintu ciyandika kapati kwiinda zintu nzyayanda umwi aumwi. Muciindi cakuyeeya kuti eeci cijola musyule, amulange bubotu bujanika. Mukaintu uukwetwe uutegwa Alexandra wakaamba kuti: “Mizeezo yabantu bobilo ilakonzya kugwasya kapati kwiinda yamuntu omwe.”
Kunyoneka kuyandika kubandika cakwaanguluka. Ba John M. Gottman, sikupa lulayo mumakani aacikwati, bakalemba kuti, “Tamweelede kuzumina zyoonse nzyaamba naa nzyasyoma ngomukwetene limwi, pele mweelede kwaanguluka kulanga-langa icamupa kwaamba boobo. Ciindi ngomukwetene limwi nasola kubandika andinywe kujatikizya penzi limwi, mpoonya mwalikumbata akugunana-guna mutwe wanu kutondezya kukaka, nkokuti mubandi wanu kunyina nkoukonzya kusika.” *
Kunyoneka kuyandika kulyaaba. Kunyina muntu uukkomana kukkala angobakwetene limwi uusyoma kuti “weelede kucita nzyondiyanda nkaambo nzeziinda kubota.” Cilainda kubota kapati kuti naa boonse bobilo kabajisi bube bwakulyaaba. Mukaintu uukwetwe uutegwa June, wakaamba kuti: “Ziindi zimwi nditobela muzeezo wabalumi bangu kutegwa ndibakkomanisye, pele zimwi ziindi abalo balacita oobo kulindime. Oobu mboceelede kuba cikwati—kupa akubweza, ikutali kubweza buyo.”
NCOMUKONZYA KUCITA
Amutalike kabotu. Mbolilimvwisya jwi ciindi nomwatalika mubandi, kanji-kanji mbombubo mbolinoobede wamana mubandi. Ikuti mwatalika aamajwi aabukali, tamulangilwi kuba aluumuno mumubandi wanu. Aboobo amutobele lulayo lwamu Bbaibbele lwakuti: “Amulisamike . . . lubomba, luzyalo, kulicesya, kubomba moyo alimwi akukkazika moyo.” (Bakolose 3:12) Bube buli boobu buyoomugwasya kutazwangana nywebo angomukwetene limwi alimwi akumugwasya kuzyiba mbomukonzya kumana penzi.—Njiisyo yamu Bbaibbele: Bakolose 4:6.
Amuyandaule twaambo ntomuzuminana. Ikuti kusoleka kunyoneka kupa buyo kuti kube kuzwangana kapati, ambweni cili boobo akaambo kakuti nywebo angomukwetene limwi mubikkila kapati maano kutwaambo ntomutazuminani. Muciindi caboobo, amubone twaambo ntomuzuminana. Kutegwa mujane twaambo ntomuzuminana, amusole nzila eeyi:
Umwi aumwi wanu apange milongo yobilo. Mumulongo wakusaanguna, amulembe twaambo itumupa kutakkomana. Mumulongo wabili, amulembe twaambo ntomubona kuti inga twapa kuti munyoneke. Mpoonya amwiibandike milongo yanu antoomwe. Mulakonzya kujana kuti mulazuminana mutwaambo tunji kwiinda mbomwali kuyeeya. Ikuti kacili boobo, taceelede kukatazya kunyoneka. Nokuba kuti twaambo tatweendelani, kutulemba apepa kulakonzya kumugwasya nywebo angomukwetene limwi kubona penzi lini.
Amubandike mbomukonzya kumana penzi. Twaambo tumwi tatukatazyi kubamba. Nokuba boobo, mutwaambo tukatazya kapati, mulumi amukaintu balakonzya kuyumya cilongwe cabo kwiinda mukubandika mbobakonzya kumana penzi ambweni ndyobatakonzyi kumana kuti umwi aumwi kali alikke.—Njiisyo yamu Bbaibbele: Mukambausi 4:9.
Amulibambile kucinca mbomuyeeya. Bbaibbele lyaamba kuti: “Umwi aumwi wanu ayande mukaintu wakwe mbubonya mbwaliyanda mwini; kunze lyaboobo, mukaintu awalo weelede kumulemeka kapati mulumaakwe.” (Baefeso 5:33) Ikuti luyando abulemu kaziliko, banabukwetene boonse bobilo banoolibambilide kuzumina ncaamba mweezinyina—nokuba kunyoneka. Mulumi umwi uutegwa Cameron wakaamba kuti, “Kuli zintu zimwi nzyonga tiiwayanda kucita pele kumbele inga watalika kuziyanda—akaambo kangomukwetene limwi.”—Njiisyo yamu Bbaibbele: Matalikilo 2:18.
^ par. 12 Kuzwa mubbuku litegwa The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.
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