A few things have changed since my last post, one of the major things being that I don't feel so unsafe with food anymore, I can go through a day eating 'normally' and not counting the calories, and even though I know it's wrong, it sort of feels nice as well. I can't really put into words how I'm feeling about it at the moment.
One of the main reasons I think I'm back in this place though, is Andrew. He's without a doubt the nicest boy I've ever had the pleasure of meeting, and he does wonders for my self-esteem. I told him about two weeks ago that I'd been bulimic, and he took it really well. I was really worried that he would tell someone, because I can tell that he cares about me enough to do it. He assured me that he wouldn't though, because I told him I hadn't done it in a while (which is true, I haven't purged since the beginning of February) so all he really said was would I tell him if I ever relapsed. I said I would and that was the end of that subject.
But also, Wednesday night he finally plucked up the courage to ask me out, in person as well which I thought was extra cute. So I now have a boyfriend, and it's really helped to boost my confidence a bit. He keeps telling me I'm not fat, that I'm really skinny and that I have nothing to worry about. I don't believe him, but it helps.
Last night I got my belly button pierced as well, and even though I'm thoroughly repulsed by my stomach at the minute thanks to my carefree eating habits (ew), I really really love it. Now I have extra reason to get my flabby stomach sorted because Andrew keeps saying he wants to see my piercing, and I don't want him to be so overwhelmed by my fat that he never wants to see it again.
Tomorrow is going to be my last day eating without thinking, and I really mean it, Monday is going to be the start of a new strict water fast. I'm going to start my exercise again and get skinnyskinnyskinny.
Then at the beginning of summer, I'll get my nose pierced too :)
Saturday, 20 March 2010
Life.
A few things have changed since my last post, one of the major things being that I don't feel so unsafe with food anymore, I can go through a day eating 'normally' and not counting the calories, and even though I know it's wrong, it sort of feels nice as well. I can't really put into words how I'm feeling about it at the moment.
Posted by skinnylove♥ at 1:32 pm 0 comments
Tuesday, 9 March 2010
fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat
fat.
fatter than I was before hiatus no. 2.
fatter than I have been in a long time.
fatter than I dare to ever be.
I will get back on track and I will be back where I had been before I messed everything up.
I cut last night, but this calls for the scissors again.
what am i doing.
Posted by skinnylove♥ at 10:04 pm 1 comments
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