title: life  times neil degrasse tyson threatened someone with halleys comet
text: email 
  get ready for the most cringeworthy story youre going to read all day 
  panasonic might be one of the largest electronics manufacturers in the world but after today they may find themselves struggling to stay afloat the companys president has been forced to resign in disgrace after  panasonic tvs abruptly ascended to heaven without warning 
  well give you a minute to finish shaking your head 
  the scandal broke early last night when  of the companys popular dxmodel flatscreen tvs from all over the world silently lifted off of the ground and despite their owners yelling at them to stop and trying to drag them back down to earth floated away from the mortal realm and into the kingdom of heaven to reside with the immortal seraphim for all eternity 
  yikes needless to say panasonic customers are not happy only a few minutes after the televisions began their skyward journey to the kingdom of god panasonic found themselves completely inundated with tweets like this 
  wow panasonic definitely wishes it could rewind the clock on this one chances are when youre trying to stay competitive as one of the worlds foremost electronics companies the last thing you want is for tens of thousands of your televisions to drift skyward into paradise 
  weve got to give credit where credit is due at least panasonic had the decency to admit that they let their customers down the company has issued a public apology and in a drastic move the president of the company kazuhiro tsuga chose to resign in the wake of this scandal speaking at a press conference this morning tsuga issued the following statement 
  after much consideration i have chosen to step down as the president of panasonic corp if i could i would travel to heaven and retrieve each and every one of these televisions i would kill any angel who tried to stop me from carrying these tvs out of paradise and returning them to our loyal panasonic customers on earth even if i saw god sitting on one of our missing dx flatscreens i would shove the lord off of the tv so that i could retrieve it for our customers unfortunately i do not have the power to travel to heaven and so i am left with no choice but to resign my position 
  tsugas resignation is a nice gesture but it doesnt bring back a swarm of televisions from heaven panasonics reputation has been severely tarnished by the rapturing of their televisions whoever steps up to become panasonics new president is going to have to do everything they can to prevent any of their products from ascending to heaven ever again