title:  Christian ‘Prophet’ Literally Loses His @ss When He Takes On Wild Lions For Jesus
text: A Zion Christian Church prophet named Alec Ndiwane had a brush with death recently when his ability to see the future and fend off wild animals with the power of the Lord failed him at a wildlife park in Ghana. Ndiwane, while visiting Kruger National Park with fellow church members, went into a  trance  and began  speaking in tongues.  If you ve ever seen footage of this sort of thing happening to someone, it s better described as  he decided to play his role and spouted some gibberish just before making a complete fool of himself. The prophet threw caution to the wind and charged at a pack of lions who were happily chomping on an impala they had taken down. Ndiwane ran towards them, believing the dominion over animals granted by God to man would keep him safe. As he ran screaming towards the pack, several of the animals decided he looked rather tasty, charging towards him instead of running away. When Ndiwane realized there was some serious tonnage worth of teeth and claws headed his way, he miraculously snapped out of his trance and turned tail towards safety.Not only did God not give Ndiwane power over the lions, he also failed to give him the speed to get away clean. A female lion got in a good swipe and ruined the rest of the trip, sending Ndiwane to the hospital with major damage to his glutes. While doctors assured him his left cheek would be intact, the right cheek apparently didn t fare as well. Ndiwane was stitched up and spent the night in the hospital.The prophet told GhanaWeb: I do not know what came over me. I thought the Lord wanted to use me to show his power over animals. Is it not we were given dominion over all creatures of the earth? No. It is not. We were given sentience and cognitive ability and opposable thumbs, but dominion over animals requires we use those things in an intelligent, well thought-out manner when approaching creatures who kill things much larger and stronger than we are on a regular basis. If there is a God, she is laughing her ass off right about now. Pun intended. Featured image from Wikipedia