title: news shattering the glass ceiling it is finally acceptable for women to cry at work
text: email 
  one year ago i was arrested for both statutory rape and possessing child pornography and i deeply regret my disgusting crimes since that fateful day ive been serving a year jail sentence using every second of that time to reflect on and repent for what i have done ive truly learned a lot about myself as a person and if our presidentelect donald trump were to recognize my transformation and to pardon me i would be honored to serve as his secretary of agriculture 
  in the event donald j trump pardons and then appoints me to his future cabinet i jared fogle current federal inmate and former subway spokesperson could think of no greater privilege than to serve our commander in chief and our country as the head of our department of agriculture 
  it is the secretary of agricultures sworn duty to provide assistance to our nations farmers as well as to protect farmland and enforce food safety and if i am let out of jail i believe i am ready for the task to have donald trump both forgive my childsex crimes and recognize how useful my deep knowledge of lettuce tomatoes onions peppers hot italian peppers olives and other sub toppings could be to his administration would make my heart swell with pride 
  to serve our farmers at the federal level would be greater than any subway sandwich i ever ate greater than any subway commercial i ever made and greater than any large pair of pants i ever wore 
  as someone who has sold hundreds of millions of subway sandwiches to the american people since the year  i know the burden of working for the public and i would not let our new president nor the american people down it would be an immense privilege to serve for a full four years and pending donald trump negating my seven federal counts of production of child pornography i would start that process immediately 
  i lost over  pounds and ate thousands of subway sandwiches before i was arrested for paying for sex with a minor and i do hope that presidentelect trump considers that fact when making his decision whether or not to pardon and appoint me secretary of agriculture to serve our farmers at the federal level would be greater than any subway sandwich i ever ate greater than any subway commercial i ever made and greater than any large pair of pants i ever wore 
  so hopefully the next time i address you it will be not from my prison cell in englewood federal correctional institution but from the national mall in washington dc believe me the next four years would be incredible not just for me but for you should our presidentelect look deep into his heart and give the department the spokesperson it deserves