title:  Captain ‘Murica: Civil War – Theft, Fraud, Booze And Brawling Are Wrecking The Bundy Revolution
text: The next American Revolution ended before it ever started, by the hands of the very  patriots  that claimed they were ready to die for the freedom poachers and arsonists.Ammon Bundy s occupation of misfit militiamen is already starting to fracture apart because they just can t seem to get along with each other. Brawling, fraud, theft, booze and paranoia are quickly turning the situation in Oregon into the fastest failure of a publicly funded reality TV show ever.Blaine Cooper, whose real name is Stanley Blaine Hicks, was accused by another militia member of assaulting him with a sucker punch. The victim of the assault, Jeff Kagan, quickly called upon the government he hates when he dialed 911 after the assault. No reason was given for the assault, other than the fact Kagan walked from his camp across the street, towards the main militia gathering area. When he approached the area, Cooper attacked both Kagan and one other individual. Cooper also attacked one of a 3-member group of people who came to help remove a suicidal veteran who suffered from PTSD. Allegations were made that Cooper planned on using the veteran literally as a target to provoke a violent confrontation with federal authorities, by exploiting his PTSD and suicidal tendencies. While Cooper appears to still be there, he has prevented others from joining to grow their numbers. Count him as about 3 to 4 lost members.Self-titled  Captain  Joe O Shaughnessy stole crowdfunded money from the group s  war chest  to fuel a drinking binge at a local motel. This caused him to be branded a  deserter and a coward  by fellow militia members, such as John Ritzheimer. After all the booze money was gone, the  captain  left the standoff and claimed all statements made about him by the militia members are a smear campaign.Brian  Booda  Cavalier, who goes by the name Fluffy Unicorn (yes he really does) has also been forced out of the militia as well. This happened after he was caught lying about being a former marine when the US Marines confirmed with the press that he has never served a day in his life. Cavalier was the personal bodyguard of Ammon Bundy for a time.The infamous  blue tarp man  LaVoy Finicum, is also leaving the gathering, despite his allegations that the FBI will arrest him if he does. I need to get home. I got cows that are scattered and lost,  Finicum was quoted as saying. Clearly he should have brought his cows with him so he could take care of them.Initial reports that indicated the militia were numbering around 150 individuals appear to have been exaggerated as well. The group was actually 15 people and now it is down to 12 without a federal officer firing a single shot due to bad behavior and directionally challenged cows.Perhaps the first Bundy standoff was more  successful  and avoided mockery because it was relatively new. Who really knows? With luck, these people will make being in a militia as uncool as your dad wearing socks with sandals while chaperoning the school dance.Featured image via WMUR