-----Original Message-----
From: 	"Linda Hayman" <LHAYMAN@skadden.com>@ENRON [mailto:IMCEANOTES-+22Linda+20Hayman+22+20+3CLHAYMAN+40skadden+2Ecom+3E+40ENRON@ENRON.com] 
Sent:	Monday, September 24, 2001 9:08 AM
To:	mtaylo1@ect.enron.com
Subject:	Fwd: OHIOIAN

ya gotta love it..........

Linda Hayman
Skadden, Arps,Slate, Meagher & Flom, LLP
4 Times Square, 42nd Floor
New York, NY  10036
T:  212-735-2637
F:  917-777-2637
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Date: Tue, 18 Sep 2001 20:06:40 -0400
From: Ellen Fike <efike@raex.com>
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Subject: OHIOIAN
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After more than three decades of living in Ohio, I know how to be an
Ohioan.  While I was learning,
written guidelines would have been helpful. So I've written some to
assist others.

1.  Know the state casserole.  The state casserole consists of canned
green beans, Campbell's cream of
mushroom soup and dried onions. You can safely  take this casserole to
any social event and know that
you will be accepted.   In fact, Neil Armstrong almost took this
casserole to the moon in case
he encountered alien life there.  NASA nixed the plan out of concern
that the casserole would
overburden the Apollo rocket at liftoff.

2.  Get used to food festivals.  The Ohio General Assembly, in an effort
to  grow bigger offensive
linemen, passed legislation years ago requiring every  incorporated
community to have at least one
festival per year dedicated to  a  high-fat food.  Thus, Sugarcreek
honors Swiss cheese, Bucyrus  has a
bratwurst celebration and Gahanna, seeking an edge over other towns, has
recently introduced the
Triglyceride and Low-density Lipoprotein Festival.   It is your duty as
an Ohioan to attend these
festivals and at least buy an elephant ear.

3.  Know the geography.  Of Florida, I mean.  I've run into Ohioans who
couldn't tell you where Toledo
is but they know the exact distance from Fort Myers to Bonita Springs.
That's because all Ohioans go
to Florida in the winter.  Or plan to when they retire.  Or are related
to retired Ohioans who have a
place in Sarasota.  We consider Florida to be the Lower Peninsula of
Ohio.

4.  If you can't afford to spend the winter in Florida, use the state
excuse, which is that you stay here
because you like the change of seasons.  You'll  be lying, but that's
OK.  We've all done it.

5.  Speaking of Ohio weather, wear layers or die.  The thing to remember
about Ohio seasons is that
they can occur at anytime.  We have springlike days in January and
wintry weekends in October. April
is capable  of providing a sampling of all four seasons in a single
24-hour period. For these reasons,
Ohio is the Layering Capital of the World. Even layering, however, can
pose danger.  Golfers have been
known to dress for hypothermia  and end up dead of heat stroke because
they couldn't strip off their
layers of plaid fast enough on a changeable spring morning.

6.  Don's take Ohio place names literally.  Upper Sandusky is below
regular Sandusky.  Circleville is
square.  East Liverpool has no counterpart to the west.  Also, if a town
has the same name as a foreign
capital.....Lima or Berlin, for example......you must not pronounce it
that way lest you come under
suspicion as a spy.  Hence, it's not LEE-ma as in Peru, but LYE-ma as in
bean, and it's BER~lin, not
BerLIN, like in Germany.

7.  Become mulch literate.  Ohioans love mulch and appreciate its subtle
differences.  Learn the
difference between hardwood, cypress and pine bark at  a minimum.
Researchers think the state
affinity for mulch derives from its relatively flat terrain.  People
have a subconscious need for
topography,  and when it can't be supplied naturally, they are more
likely to make little mulch hillocks
in their front yards.

8.  In order to talk sports with obsessive fans in Ohio, you have to be
knowledgeable on three
levels-professional, college and high school. The truly expert Ohio
sports fan knows not only the name
of the hotshot quarterback at Abercrombie and Fitch High School, but
also what colleges he's
interested in, how much he bench-presses, who he took to the prom and
what he got on his biology quiz
last week.

9.  Remember that Ohioans are never the first to embrace trends. When we
do embrace them, we do so
with a Midwestern pragmatism. For example, if you see an Ohioan with a
nose ring, there's a good
chance he's had it undercoated  to guard against rust.

10.  The best way to sell something in Ohio is to attach the term
"Amish" to  it.  The product need not
be genuinely Amish.  This would explain the existence of Amish moo shu
pork.

I hope you found this guide to be useful.  If it offends you, please let
me know and I will bring green
bean casserole to your home to make amends.


 - Linda Hayman.vcf