<P>&nbsp;<BR><BR><FONT SIZE=2><B>lisalindsley@hotmail.com</B></FONT><BR><FONT SIZE=2>12/20/2001 06:38 AM GMT</FONT><BR><BR> <FONT SIZE=2>To:</FONT> <BR> <FONT SIZE=2>cc:</FONT> <BR> <FONT SIZE=2>bcc:</FONT> <BR> <FONT SIZE=2>Subject:</FONT> <FONT SIZE=2>Holy War</FONT><BR> <BR><BR></P><P><FONT FACE="Monospace,Courier">Nothing spiritually uplifting, but I got a good chuckle from this.<BR>Have a great day!<BR></FONT><BR><BR><FONT FACE="Monospace,Courier"> &gt; &gt;&quot;Somebody said, 'What good will it do to kill Osama bin Laden?' I<BR>said,'I don't know, let's find out.'&quot;<BR>* &nbsp; &nbsp;Don Imus<BR></FONT><BR><FONT FACE="Monospace,Courier">CBS News finally received anthrax in the mail. As usual, we're<BR>number three.&quot;<BR>* &nbsp; &nbsp;David Letterman<BR></FONT><BR><FONT FACE="Monospace,Courier">&quot;The FBI is urging all Americans to beware of any letters or<BR>packages that have badly misspelled words. Man, this is going to be<BR>terrible news for the rap industry.&quot;<BR>* &nbsp; &nbsp;Jay Leno<BR></FONT><BR><FONT FACE="Monospace,Courier">&quot;Last night the Taliban offered to release eight Westerners if the<BR>U.S. &nbsp;promised not to attack. The State Department declined but thanked<BR>the Taliban for the offer, saying it really felt good to laugh again.&quot;<BR>* &nbsp; &nbsp;Tina Fey &nbsp;on Saturday Night Live's &quot;Weekend Update&quot;<BR></FONT><BR><FONT FACE="Monospace,Courier">&quot;President Bush continues to have the highest popularity rating of<BR>any president ever, current rating 130 percent... In fact, Al Gore<BR>carries in his wallet a picture of him and Bush at the debates and says,<BR>'Yeah, I know him. We used to hang out.'&quot;<BR>* &nbsp; &nbsp;Jay Leno<BR></FONT><BR><FONT FACE="Monospace,Courier">&quot;Today President Bush urged all Americans to be patient with the war<BR>on terrorism. I think we're pretty patient. Election day took what, three<BR>months?&quot;<BR>* &nbsp; Jay Leno<BR></FONT><BR><FONT FACE="Monospace,Courier">&quot;New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani is lobbying now to stay in office<BR>another three months. And today Clinton said, 'You can do that?'&quot;<BR>* &nbsp; &nbsp;Jay Leno<BR></FONT><BR><FONT FACE="Monospace,Courier">&quot;Today in New York, we had the primary elections for mayor. To<BR>improve their chances, all five candidates changed their name to Rudy<BR>Giuliani.&quot;<BR>* &nbsp; &nbsp;Conan O'Brien<BR></FONT><BR><FONT FACE="Monospace,Courier">&quot;People want to say there isn't racial profiling at the airport, but<BR>let's be honest. &nbsp;If your first name is Mohammed, and your last name isn't<BR>Ali, leave a little extra time.&quot;<BR>* &nbsp; &nbsp;Jay Leno<BR></FONT><BR><FONT FACE="Monospace,Courier">&quot;Do you remember the good ol' days when Congress was only unsafe if<BR>you were an intern.&quot;<BR>* &nbsp; &nbsp;David Letterman<BR></FONT><BR><FONT FACE="Monospace,Courier">&quot;The big question now is who will take power in Afghanistan once the<BR>Taliban is defeated. I was thinking, how about Al Gore? He's not doing<BR>anything, he needs a job, and he's already got the beard.&quot;<BR>* &nbsp; &nbsp;Jay Leno<BR></FONT><BR><FONT FACE="Monospace,Courier">&quot;Things have really changed here in Hollywood. Used to be people in<BR>this town couldn't wait to get an envelope full of white powder.&quot;<BR>* &nbsp; &nbsp;Jay Leno<BR></FONT><BR><FONT FACE="Monospace,Courier">&quot;Postal inspectors have been given advanced warning that Publishers<BR>Clearinghouse is sending packets of laundry detergent that could be<BR>mistaken for anthrax. Oh, good timing. What genius came up with this<BR>promotion? &nbsp;What's next - a ticking alarm clock? &nbsp;Let's put that in a box.&quot;<BR>* &nbsp; &nbsp;Jay Leno<BR></FONT><BR><FONT FACE="Monospace,Courier">&quot;In Pakistan anti-American protesters set a Kentucky Fried Chicken<BR>restaurant on fire. The protesters mistakenly thought they were attacking<BR>high-ranking U.S. military official Colonel Sanders.&quot;<BR>* &nbsp; &nbsp;Jimmy Fallon on Saturday Night Live's &quot;Weekend Update&quot;<BR></FONT><BR><FONT FACE="Monospace,Courier">&quot;President Bush has urged people to get back to normal and today<BR>Congress announced that they are accepting bribes again.&quot;<BR>* &nbsp; &nbsp;Jay Leno<BR></FONT><BR><FONT FACE="Monospace,Courier">&quot;It's a tough time to do humor, but it's not the only tough time.<BR>There have been other tough stretches in comedy. Remember a couple of<BR>years ago when President Clinton stopped dating for a couple of weeks?&quot;<BR>* &nbsp; &nbsp;Jay Leno<BR></FONT><BR><FONT FACE="Monospace,Courier">&quot;Now this really annoys me; all these people getting on the Internet<BR>and saying Nostradamus predicted this. If Nostradamus were alive today<BR>his name would be Miss Cleo and he'd be charging $2.99 a minute.&quot;<BR>* &nbsp; &nbsp;Jay Leno<BR></FONT><BR><FONT FACE="Monospace,Courier">&quot;People are being much, much nicer to each other in New York. And I<BR>have to be honest, it's kind of weird. The other night at Shea Stadium,<BR>instead of yelling 'You suck!' at the Braves, Mets fans were yelling,<BR>'Others are better than you!'&quot;<BR>* &nbsp; &nbsp;Conan O'Brien<BR></FONT><BR><FONT FACE="Monospace,Courier">&quot;This Osama bin Laden guy, spoiled rich kid worth $300M. I have three<BR>words for this guy: Anna Nicole Smith. We send her over there, she'll get<BR>his money, he'll be dead in a week.&quot;<BR>* &nbsp; &nbsp;Jay Leno<BR></FONT><BR><BR><BR><FONT FACE="Monospace,Courier">_________________________________________________________________<BR>Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at <A HREF=http://explorer.msn.com/intl.asp>http://explorer.msn.com/intl.asp</A>.</FONT></P>