A Women's Primer on Men
>
>
> Don't know if you've seen this or not.
>
>
>
> TO WOMEN EVERYWHERE FROM A MAN WHO'S HAD ENOUGH
>
> You really want to figure us out?  Here's a start...
>
> 1.  Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down. We need it up,
> you need it down. You don't hear us gripping about you leaving it down, do
> you?  No, of course not.  That would be stupid, and there are far more
> important things to be worried about.  You don't try to sit in the
driver's
> seat without opening the dammed car door, do you?
>
> 2.  If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us
to
> act like soap opera guys.
>
> 3.  If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. Its a stupid
> question, and we refuse to answer.
>
> 4.  Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than
> short hair.  Period.  One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is
> that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with
her.
>
> 5.  Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we
can
> find the perfect present yet again!
>
> 6.  Here's a real easy one:  If you ask a question you don't want an
answer
> to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
>
> 7.  Asking opinionated questions that you already have an answer to, and
> then getting pissed off because we gave our honest answer in the opposite
> direction is a really stupid thing to do.
>
> 8.  Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.
>
> 9.  Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
> discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster
trucks.
>
> 10.  Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the
tides.
> Let it be.
>
> 11.  Shopping is not a sport, and no, we're never going to think of it
that
> way.
>
> 12.  When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.
> Really.
>
> 13.  You have enough clothes.
>
> 14.  You have too many shoes.
>
> 15.  Crying is blackmail, and you know it.  Knock it off.
>
> 16.  Let's be clear on this one:  Ask for what you want. I repeat, ask for
> what you want.  Subtle hints don't work. Strong hints don't work. Really
> obvious hints don't work. Just say it!  No, your having to ask for
something
> does NOT automatically make it not worth getting.  If it did, you might as
> well give back the car, the house, and that last raise you got.  And NO,
> trying to punish us by acting like you don't want the thing 30 seconds
after
> you were compelled to ask for it will not "teach us a lesson" or jumpstart
> the ESP gland within our underdeveloped craniums.  Here's the math, write
it
> down somewhere...ASK = GET...NO ASK = NO GET.
>
> 17.  No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries
on
> the calendar.
>
> 18.  Peeing standing up is more difficult. We're bound to miss sometimes.
>
> 19.  Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we'd be any
> good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your
dress?
>
> 20.  Whether or not you believe it, "yes," and "no" are perfectly
acceptable
> answers to almost every question.
>
> 21.  Come to us with a problem if you want help solving it. That's what we
> do.  Occasionally, we can go out on a limb and attempt to empathize.
> However, be warned that approaching us with a problem without clearly
> indicating which you want (solutions or empathy) will likely result in you
> getting neither.  Tricky system, but that's just the way it works.
>
> 22.  Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
>
> 23.  A headache that lasts for 17 months is a medical problem. See a
doctor.
>
> 24.  Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or
> Jackie Chan where it doesn't really matter what they're saying.)
>
> 25.  Check your oil!
> 26.  If we tell you that you look beautiful at 5:30 in the morning, or any
> other time when you are dirty, mussed up, or otherwise not perfectly
> coiffed, we really do mean it.  Telling us that we don't really pisses us
> off, and further decreases the likelihood of your hearing anything of the
> sort when you are fishing for compliments.
>
> 27.  It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz
together.
>
> 28.  No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
>
> 29.  Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
>
> 30.  All comments become null and void after 7 days.
>
> 31.  If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways
> makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
>
> 32.  Let us ogle (stare). We're going to look anyway: it's genetic, and we
> know you do it too.
>
> 33.  You can either tell us to do something OR tell us how to do
something,
> but not both.
>
> 34.  Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
> commercials.
>
> 35.  If it itches, it will be scratched.
>
> 36.  If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like
> nothing's wrong.  If we ask and you say that something is wrong, we would
> greatly appreciate your helping us out by actually telling us what "it"
is,
> before our aforementioned inability to read minds once again quickly takes
> the place of the actual issue at hand.
>
> 37.  When we are with "the guys" or watching sports (or both), we are
bound
> to look, say, do, or act stupid.  It doesn't bother us.  It shouldn't
bother
> you.
>
> Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch
> tonight.  We really don't mind that, though; it's kind of like camping
(and
> we get the remote all to ourselves).
>
> Sincerely,
> The Men
>