Emergency? Knighthawk sent. I’m just bored.I blinked, holding my phone and rereading that text.Bored? I sent. You’re literally spying on the entire world, Knighthawk. You can read anyone’s mail, listen to anyone’s phone calls.First, it’s not the whole world, he wrote. Only large chunks of North and Central America. Second, do you have any idea how mind-numbingly DULL most people are?I started a reply, but a flurry of messages came at me, interrupting what I was going to say.Oh! Knighthawk wrote. Look at this pretty flower!Hey. I want to know if you like me, but I can’t say that, so here’s an awkward flirtation instead.Where are you?I’m here.Where?Here.There?No, here.Oh.Look at my kid.Look at my dog.Look at me.Look at me holding my kid and dog.Hey, everyone. I took a huge koala this morning.Barf. The world is ruled by deific beings who can do stuff like melt buildings into puddles of acid, and all people can think of to do with their phones is take pictures of their pets and try to figure out how to get laid.
Brandon Sanderson, Calamity
humor, social-media