text: Alum had insisted that I go last. His people were able to secure the perimeter without me, and I would just get in the way, and blah blah blah. I think he just wanted to have a few extra minutes to process how his home world had changed, and so I didn't argue. I did insist, however, that he take Breyn with him when he traveled through, and have him ready to give me a report on everything when it was finally my turn to travel through the portal. I also said to expect me to be a minute or two late in case some of my enhancement magic needed fine tuning.
  
  Which left me some extra time to be alone with Breena and Guineve, since Gabby had gone back up to take Ball-ee to the rest of the kids. Which also meant I could stop tip-toeing around the tension Breyn had called me to account on and actually clarify what the hell our relationship was turning into. As well as what we all wanted it to turn to.
  
  I really wanted closure on this issue with Guineve and Breena, because it somehow felt like I was cheating on Stell and being committed to her at the same time. And that made even less sense when I reminded myself that Stell and I weren't in any official relationship either.
  
  "Enhancement magic?" Breena had spoken up obliviously, right before the final group had left. "There shouldn't be any problem with your enhancement magic, Wes."
  
  "There shouldn't be," I agreed. "But I'd like you to do one last check with me and possibly veto or approve of an idea I have," I answered, trying not to sound too careful. I had no idea what Guineve was thinking but Breena clearly hadn't picked up on the hint that I wanted to talk with them privately.
  
  "Well, why don't we just go over it now while everyone's still in line—"
  
  "Breena, I feel like I've embarrassed myself a lot recently by trying a lot of stupid stuff, and I really don't want to even talk about the idea with an audience. But the two of you have known me the longest, and I'd feel more comfortable if you were the only ones around for this."
  
  "Oh." She bobbed in the air. "Sure, okay. That makes sense. We can do that, Wes. Right, Guineve?"
  
  "Yes, dear, that should be fine," the older Satellite said patiently.
  
  I remembered that Breena should be able to sense me in several different ways, and then I remembered that part of that went both ways. I concentrated on the mindlink and realized that she was truly being oblivious, and not even doing it on purpose. Then I realized that was all I could sense from her, despite her being my bonded familiar. She could and should be able to sense more on her end, but she was clearly not thinking to do so. Just as I hadn't thought to do so before now.
  
  <Can you stop thinking about this?> Teeth asked. <Because it's making the both of us way too mad.>
  
  Breyn had caught my eye during the entire process. He gave me an encouraging nod as Breena bobbed away, and when it was his turn to go through the Pathway he patted me on the shoulder and quietly wished me luck.
  
  "Aww, that's sweet," Breena said cheerfully. "Wait, why is he wishing you luck? Isn't he going through first?"
  
  "We'll talk about it in a second, okay, Breena?" I said, trying not to get frustrated.
  
  <Don't worry,> I saw Breyn mouth at me. <This is normal. They never figure it out on their own.>
  
  I disagreed with him and wanted to point that he was no expert by his own admission. But he had already stepped into the shimmering silver surface.
  
  "Wes, I didn't want to say anything," Breena said bluntly, "but I think your new aide is a little weird. And can I ask why you have an aide now, anyway? Don't I already pretty much take care of updates and stuff for you?" she added, sounding a little miffed now. "Me and Guineve, both? I'm not sure he's doing a good job of taking over. I mean, he's brand new!" She waved her hands as she complained.
  
  "It's okay, Breena," I said, grinning a little despite everything. "Both of your jobs are safe."
  
  "That's good, I guess," Breena said grudgingly. Then she blinked. "Wait, you said 'jobs.' Does that mean we're all getting paid the same? He's not getting paid more, is he? Because that's super not cool, and in fact it's a little sexist. But I'm not okay with him getting paid the same either."
  
  "Breena," I tried to interrupt.
  
  "And that's not sexist, because Guineve and I have been here much longer!" She was actually pouting, and I tried not to think about how cute she was while doing it. I also wondered how long these kind of complaints would stay cute to me. "Actually, it's still sexist, because you just hired a redundant person to do a job you already had two people to work on, and I hadn't even gotten paid yet, so that's a problem too, and it feels like I'm being replaced because now you're having super-private talks with this guy you just found in a forest somewhere, and—"
  
  "Breena!" I said more forcefully.
  
  "What?" she harrumphed.
  
  "He can never do either of your jobs," I said. "That's not what he's for."
  
  The pretty little fairy cocked her head at me.
  
  "Then what the herb is he doing with you, Wes?" the little fairy demanded, her size enlarging to almost three feet.
  
  "Breyn's dad assigned him to me probably to cement my bond with his people, and so that I would have a guy my age to talk to."
  
  "Huh," Breena said thoughtfully. "Now that I'm not mad, that first part makes sense. But what do you mean that you don't have any guys to talk to? You have Weylin and Karim and Eadric."
  
  "I do," I admitted. "But they're still a good bit older than me, and Breyn is just finishing up a phase of his body that I'm still going through. He's helping me work out certain questions."
  
  "Okay," Breena said slowly. Guineve had taken a single step forward and was watching this whole process with a grin. "But why didn't you bring up these questions with me? What kind of questions are they?"
  
  "Oh, you know," I tried to keep it casual. "Just questions like, 'hey, Breena just said Stell can make part of herself into an alien wife for me. How should I handle that?'"
  
  Breena's mouth snapped open and shut immediately.
  
  "Oh," Guineve said, and stopped stepping forward.
  
  At that moment I really wanted to know what 'oh' meant.
  
  "That was a mistake," Breena said quickly, holding her hands out. But then she immediately whirled to face Guineve. "It was an accident!" she insisted. "This freaky spider woman started hitting on Wes like super hard! And she was being all creepy about it, but Wes was just like 'kinda, no' instead of 'definitely no way ever,' so of course she kept trying and then I got to thinking 'what if Wes is secretly okay with all of this and he's just being nice—'"
  
  "Nope," I answered. "Was really weirded out back there. Thought I was clear on that, though."
  
  <She was weirdly attractive, though,> Teeth offered uselessly. I ignored him.
  
  "Well you weren't!" Breena shouted, suddenly rounding on me. "So I got scared! And then I panicked! And then I went for the spider waifu solution!"
  
  "Waifu?" Guineve cocked her head for a moment, and then seemed to get it. "Ah. I see."
  
  "So it's actually kind of Wes' fault too!" Breena insisted. "So there!"
  
  "Can I ask how Stell using a part of herself to make a spider wife for me was a solution?" I asked slowly.
  
  "Not a wife," Breena corrected quickly. "A waifu."
  
  "Same thing," I replied. "And I'm pretty sure you already knew that."
  
  "Darn it," Breena huffed. "I was hoping you wouldn't know I knew."
  
  "Breena, dear, do you want me to take over?" Guineve said gently.
  
  "Maybe it would help if I changed the question," I said, taking another breath. <I'm being ridiculous,> I thought angrily. <This should not be as hard as fighting Raw-Maw was.>
  
  <Dunno,> FNG offered. <My draconic memory suggests that finding a mate is always much harder than death battles.>
  
  "My question is: what are you two trying to make me feel?" I pressed on. "Because I know Guineve likes to flirt with me, and Breena keeps getting jealous and dropping vague hints that I can't figure out on my own. But in the past, with human girls, I've been wrong every single time I thought a girl wanted me to court her. So I can't figure out whether I should be taking the behavior of either of you as playful banter, or something more serious."
  
  Breena had a panicked, deer-in-the-headlights look, while Guineve actually had a stricken, guilty expression on her face. I think it was the first time I had actually seen the woman look genuinely regretful.
  
  "I…" Breena began, then didn't finish. Guineve moved a dark lock of hair out of her face.
  
  "I'm sorry, Wes," the taller woman said. "We didn't fully take your feelings into account."
  
  I hated that this was so awkward. That I already had a lot of physical and emotional contact with both of these women, and that if I was honest with myself, had enjoyed all of that contact, even with all my hangups over physical touch. I also hated that I felt so stupidly guilty about all of this.
  
  "I'm sorry too," I replied, still mad at myself. "Because I'm asking about your motives when I had promised myself to come forward with my own."
  
  Both women went still again.
  
  "I think you both are amazing," I said, and it felt like I was pulling my heart out of whatever closet I had buried it in. It was scary and it shouldn't have been. "I think you're both beautiful, and funny, and fun, and I love every minute I spend with both of you. I feel guilty over it, because I feel that way even moreso with Stell. But people say you guys are both a part of Stell, and so I don't know what to make out of that, and this feels like terrible timing because she's hiding right now, and I'm still a wreck from all the torture I still don't know how to process, but when Breena got all desperate at the end of the last Rite I started getting desperate too. I miss Stell terribly and in some strange, impossible way, you both keep reminding me of her, and that makes me feel attracted to you ladies too, even though it shouldn't work like that. So when Breena drops these little hints, or when Guineve acts coy around me, it makes me feel like my feelings will be reciprocated if I'm just brave enough to move forward with them, but my limited experience tells me that's not the case and Stell's not around for me to move forward with anyway. It's driving me nuts and I don't know how to handle it, but there is literally a voice inside my head telling me to move forward somehow with one of you, and I've been told so many times that you are all somehow the same person. So there," I finally said, releasing another breath.
  
  <Personal Challenge overcome,> a voice whispered into my mind. <Avalon bears witness.>
  
  That was somehow encouraging. But Breena and Guineve still hadn't said anything yet.
  
  "Am I wrong?" I finally blurted. "Am I understanding how you guys work? Does Stell know how I feel? Am I understanding how she-you feel? Or am I just making this all creepy?"
  
  Breena opened her mouth again, then closed it, then opened it again, then closed it. She looked panicked and frustrated at the same time, but when she opened her mouth again nothing came out.
  
  "No," Guineve said quietly, and I quivered inside. "No, Wes. You've never been creepy. I hate that I made you feel that way."
  
  She started to say something else, but her tongue seemed to tie itself up just as Breena's did. She sighed, seeming frustrated and sad.
  
  "We're a part of Stell, Wes," Guineve continued. "We both are. And I love that you noticed that. To help protect her, we try not to make that obvious. If the monsters of our worlds knew just how integrated we were, they might find ways to use us against each other. That was Stell's deepest fear, so when she formed myself and Breena, she put restrictions inside of us. Things we could not be forced to reveal. And to further protect all of us, she asked us under an oath much like Virtus is bound under to not reveal certain secrets of hers. Her heart is one of those secrets."
  
  I suddenly felt a hundred times worse.
  
  "This wasn't supposed to happen," Breena said in a small voice. "She was supposed to be here. She was supposed to still be here on Avalon, so that she could talk about this. So that she could tell you herself."
  
  "Which means that she was expecting to have this conversation," I answered. "Which means that she had already made up her mind on how she felt about this. So she either figured out my feelings, and wants to be the one to let me know she doesn't reciprocate them, or she wants to be the one to let me know she feels similar, which leaves me really hopeful. But if so, it's a hope both of you have promised not to confirm. And if it were possible to break that promise, something tells me you already would have," I finally spelled out. My voice felt numb. So did my chest.
  
  "It wasn't supposed to be like this," Breena repeated. She turned to look at Guineve, guilt and grief all over her face. "We didn't know it would do this to him. We didn't even think of it."
  
  "No," Guineve answered, sounding just as sad. "We didn't. One of the many things that was never supposed to happen."
  
  And that was that. That was all the closure I was going to get for now.
  
  "It's probably time for Breena and me to head through the portal," I said, still sounding numb. I started to turn.
  
  "Wes," Guineve called out. I almost didn't turn back to look at her. But I saw her take a step toward me, stretch her hand out to me, then bite her lip, looking uncertain, as if she didn't know whether she was allowed to reach for me. "Know that you are very, very dear to us, and so very dear to me. My heart breaks to know it has not taken care of your own."
  
  "Thank… you," I answered slowly, and I started to turn back around.
  
  <Wait,> Teeth said.
  
  <What?> I snapped inside at him.
  
  <Thank you. And I'm sorry,> he said to me. <I didn't know this would be such a mess.>
  
  <Yeah,> I answered, and something raw came at me from him. <You don't want to give up, though.>
  
  <No, I don't.>
  
  <Neither do I,> I answered, throwing my brain out of the way and turning back toward Guineve. I walked over to her, gently took her arm and pulled her into an embrace, forcing my way through my own trauma-induced twitching. "Guineve, Guineve-Stell, I love you," I said in a calm, reckless voice.
  
  She hugged me tightly, and I let her.
  
  "Please come back safe, Wes," she whispered. "Please come back alive."
  
  And that was all she could give me.
  
  I took it anyway.
  
  After a moment, I let go, walked over to Breena, and carefully swept up the tiny woman, currently three feet tall, into a gentle hug.
  
  "Breena, Breena-Stell, I love you," I said gently, recklessly.
  
  "I…" the tiny fairy started to say, then clicked in frustration. "I'm here for you, Wes. I'll stay by your side through all of this."
  
  That was all she could promise me, too.
  
  I took it just as quickly.
  
  Breena hovered close to me, her mouth shut tight in a frustrated frown. She looked at me, gave me a determined nod, and we stepped through the shimmering door together.
  
  The Pathway didn't seem too different from one of Stell's portals. It just turned instant transportation into a slightly longer walk. Instead of stepping through immediately to the Woadlands, Breena and I went into this short tunnel instead, made of formless, gray space that swirled all around us. In the distance, no more than a short run away, was another silvery surface that presumably led to the Woadlands.
  
  Basically, if using Stell's portals was walking through a door to get to another planet, using the Pathways was walking down a long hall to do the exact same thing.
  
  Either way, it still beat my mother's commute to work. Breena and I began to move forward, and my footsteps echoed off of the smoky ground beneath my feet.
  
  For five whole steps nothing remarkable happened. Then I felt a torrent of raw fear suddenly pour into me through the mindlink.
  
  "Wes?" Breena said in a tense, frightened voice. "I can't move."
  
  I whirled around to look at her. Tiny strands that I swore weren't there a second ago criss-crossed my tiny friend, and she stuck to them like a butterfly caught in a web.
  
  "Hello, my little Stell," a sinister voice said from above us.