text: They ordered room service for dinner with two extra pork chops for the hounds—as rare as the restaurant would make them—and went over the Senator Hugh case while they ate. Lisa poured herself another glass of the wine Johnny had grudgingly ordered at her request and leaned against the high-backed chair at the two-person dining table. "Okay, why do you still look like you bit into a lemon?"
  
  He took his last bite and chewed thoughtfully. "No, I don't."
  
  "Fine. Forget the lemon. What's on your mind?"
  
  Luther whipped his head up from where he'd been licking the pork chop plate clean for the last ten minutes. "If you don't want that lemon, Johnny, I'll take it."
  
  "Hey, what about more chops?" Rex licked his lips. "Those were amazing."
  
  The dwarf snapped his fingers and pointed away from the dining table. "Go on now, boys. There ain't nothin' left."
  
  "But she said lemon—"
  
  "Git."
  
  "Yeah, yeah, yeah."
  
  Johnny shook his head, took a sip of whisky, and looked at Lisa over the rim of the glass. "What?"
  
  "You look a little distracted, is all." She sipped her white wine delicately and gave him a patient smile.
  
  "Distracted. Well, hell. I have you sittin' across the table lookin' at me like that and two hounds who don't know when to quit."
  
  "Come on, Johnny," Rex protested and he and his brother padded into the huge separate bedroom for more exploring. "You've only been able to hear us for like— Wait. How long has it been?"
  
  "Forever?" Luther suggested. "That feels right."
  
  "And wrong at the same time."
  
  The bounty hunter heaved a sigh. Remember that those talkin' hounds saved your life and your sanity in those Portland tunnels. In and of itself, that makes up for everythin' else. So focus on the next.
  
  He thumped both forearms on the table and leaned forward to squint at his plate. "All right, darlin'. I'll talk."
  
  Lisa chuckled. "Well, that wasn't very hard."
  
  "You didn't even try, but I think your perspective ain't exactly somethin' I can afford to pass up." Johnny rubbed his temples vigorously. "Somethin's still sittin' not quite right about this whole 'filming a show' scenario."
  
  "Oh." She sipped her wine again. "Do you have any idea what that is?"
  
  "Well now, you showed me all that mumbo jumbo on the dark web with this asshole postin' as Lemonhead and tryin' to get his connections in with whatever idiots I bagged over a ten-year career of heavy hittin'."
  
  "I did."
  
  "The Red Boar's already got what he wanted, then. Ain't he? Aside from comin' after me." His frown deepened and he reached out absently to spin his dinner plate on the table. "It seems like we might end up wastin' more time than savin' it if you ask me."
  
  "Hmm. Well, how about I ask you this." Lisa leaned toward him and studied his face. "What are you trying to say?"
  
  Johnny looked slowly at her and froze. So I'm that easy to read now, huh? Damn. "I'm sayin' how do we even know the bastard's gonna be watchin' these shitty clips on that video site, huh? We're puttin' my mug and your…well, not your real face, but you're there. It's goin' up all over the Internet, however many idiots who still think I'm worth watchin' are tunin' in to watch again, and the Red Boar could be holin' up and schemin' with a group of even dumber criminals I apprehended however long ago. We have no guarantee."
  
  Her smile widened. "That's been on your chest all day, hasn't it?"
  
  "Huh." He sniffed and mumbled, "More like since you told me the plan."
  
  "Okay. I get that." She set her glass down and stood from the table. "But come on, Johnny. I know how to cover my bases."
  
  "I ain't sayin' you don't— Where are you goin'?"
  
  Her redheaded, green-eyed, freckled illusion returned and she pointed at the hall. "To Stephanie's room. And when I come back, you'll give me ten minutes to show you why you're letting this eat you up for nothing."
  
  She turned and disappeared swiftly around the corner of the living area to head toward the suite's door. It opened and shut again with a soft click, and Johnny could only stare at the empty kitchen.
  
  Huh. If I didn't know better, I'd say she's fixin' to take the lead on this. Except that ain't how partners do it. Right?
  
  He drummed his fingers on the tabletop and glowered at the empty plates from their dinner. Faint, rhythmic splashing came from the open doorway into the bedroom, followed by the hounds' whispered voices in the bounty hunter's mind.
  
  "Come on, bro. You're taking way too long."
  
  "I'm taking as long as I need to. You're supposed to keep watch."
  
  "Yeah. I'm watching you and you're taking too long."
  
  "You'll get your turn."
  
  "Boys?" Johnny turned in his chair and the splashing stopped.
  
  "Yeah, Johnny?"
  
  "What's up?"
  
  "I ain't gonna step in there and find y'all drinkin' outta somethin' that ain't made for mouths, am I?"
  
  Rex and Luther nudged the door open with a creak so they could trot nonchalantly out of the bedroom side by side. Luther chuckled. "Why would you find that, Johnny?"
  
  The smaller hound licked his muzzle but failed to catch the last few drops of water that spilled from the soaked underside of his furry chin.
  
  The dwarf raised an eyebrow. "It's a hunch and usually, I'm right."
  
  Rex lowered his head to lick the water drops off the floor. "All good, Johnny. Go ahead and look. You won't find anything in there you don't wanna see."
  
  "Uh-huh. Close the door."
  
  "What?" Luther looked behind him into the bedroom with pleading eyes. "It's nice in there, Johnny. Plenty of—hey."
  
  Rex nudged the door all the way shut with his nose and snorted. "No swamp out here Johnny. No tide pools either, so…"
  
  With a grunt, Johnny stood to walk toward the kitchen and check the large mixing bowl on the floor. "Well, I'll be. There sure is a nice big bowl of drinkin' water over here, though."
  
  "What?" Rex darted toward his brother to nip at Luther's neck. "You told me it was empty."
  
  "I thought it was."
  
  Johnny pointed at them and shook his head. "Stay outta toilets. Y'all are better than that."
  
  "We know that." Luther dodged another annoyed nip from his brother and darted across the living area toward the huge armchair. He spun in two tight circles and curled in a ball on the floor. "Didn't someone smart say life's not worth living if you don't fill it with experiences?"
  
  "That don't apply to the john, Luther." The dwarf ran a hand through his hair and sank into the fluffy cushions of the couch. "Don't do it again."
  
  "Got it, Johnny. No more toilets. Hey, but what if they're outside?"
  
  The steady lap of Rex drinking out of the actual bowl filled the suite.
  
  When Lisa knocked on his door again, she had her laptop under her arm and a pert smile aimed right at Johnny. "Let's get comfy."
  
  "For what?"
  
  "For your first lesson in what's possible these days with the technology you refuse to touch."
  
  "Come on, darlin'. I don't need to learn any of that."
  
  "Tough. I'm showing you anyway. Mostly because you need to see how solid this plan is, and then you can get your head back in the game. We still have a Kilomea blackmailer to go after tomorrow and a Johnny-Haters Anonymous meeting after that."
  
  He snorted. "Did you just come up with that one?"
  
  "I've been sitting on it for a while. This felt like the right time." With a smirk, she sat on the couch and patted the cushion beside her. "Come on."
  
  "Can't you simply tell me instead of making a big deal—"
  
  "Sure I can." She grinned. "But I won't."
  
  He sighed with a mixture of frustration and exasperation. "You're good."
  
  "I know."
  
  That drew a reluctant smile from him and he stopped to top his glass of whiskey off and retrieve her wineglass before he joined her on the couch. They both drank and Lisa opened her laptop to start his mostly willing lesson in modern technology, the Internet beyond Google, VPNs, and the dark web.
  
  "What does all that have to do with makin' sure this bastard thinks I'm the idiot?"
  
  "Basics first, Johnny." She grinned at him and pulled up a records search for her fake name—Stephanie Wyndom.
  
  He squinted at the screen, then leaned forward to get a better look when she turned it on her lap to face him. "Did you steal someone's identity, darlin'?"
  
  "Yep. I do it all the time."
  
  He looked sharply at her and she burst out laughing.
  
  "No, Johnny. Stephanie Wyndom isn't real and she never has been."
  
  "That's a hell of a rap sheet for someone who don't exist."
  
  "That's the point." Lisa scrolled through the hits her alias had pulled up—full name, birth date, and a photo of her nonexistent Florida driver's license. After that came multiple arrest records and case reports from Johnny bringing her in as a bounty.
  
  "Well, look at that." He sniggered. "Public intoxication, grand theft auto, and arson. She sure is a mixed bag, ain't she?"
  
  She nudged him with her elbow and took another sip of wine. "It's all part of the story. Stephanie had a substance abuse problem and cut a path of minor chaos across a few southern states in order to keep the habit going. And because she liked having nice things along the way."
  
  "You just come up with that too?"
  
  "No, but I like to think Stephanie thought she was classy." They both chuckled. "So here's the deal. Those old bounties of yours are getting together the night after tomorrow to brainstorm how to get some closure on all the grudges they hold against you. If I want in on that meeting, I have to send all this information to whoever sent me that link. And when they look up Stephanie Wyndom—because they will—they'll find this."
  
  Johnny raised his eyebrows and shrugged. "It looks legit to me."
  
  "Well, as far as the rest of the world and anyone on the Internet can tell, it is legit. We had one of the best teams put the background info together, enter it in all possible databases, and voila. She's a real half-Light Elf who had her joyrides and fleeting highs snatched out from under her by Johnny Walker."
  
  "Twenty-four years ago, huh?"
  
  "Well, it had to be before Dwarf the Bounty Hunter. Otherwise, she'd have her own episode to reference."
  
  "And there ain't none."
  
  "The Bureau's team is good, Johnny, but they're not that good." She scrolled through the rest of the documentation pulled up for Stephanie Wyndom and shrugged. "Whoever messaged me gave me five days to prove I'm legit. This'll get it done. And if the Red Boar and any of those other scheming thugs haven't heard about the show and the fact that you're in Baltimore for this next bounty, I'll make sure they hear about it at the meeting. Hell, maybe that alone will get the Red Boar to come out of hiding."
  
  "Uh-huh." He scowled as something occurred to him. "And what are you gonna tell ʼem when they see that redhead's face they've been watchin' on YouTube for days sittin' in front of ʼem?"
  
  "I'll think of something." Lisa downed the rest of her wine and grinned. "That's another thing we have in common, you know?"
  
  "What's that?"
  
  "Doing our best work on the fly."
  
  The dwarf snorted. "Sure. Only I do it with my fists. Or guns. Or explosives. And you…make up stories."
  
  "It sounds like the perfect team to me."