text: Which is why I am still here, determinedly hunting for that needle in the proverbial haystack.
  
  Previously on The Hunt for Vikram Patel's Inventory, we watched as suddenly sleuth-less Sid Rubin spent six nights achieving virtually nothing. Six nights and still no answers. Leaving us with one big question: Will Sid rise to the challenge and save her reputation, or will she be forced to turn her Velma card in?
  
  Before I answered, I called for a time-out from our sponsor, me. I literally went undercover, having my hurt-feelings-take-the-night-off night, and burrowing deep.
  
  Which was, I think, very merited.
  
  So when you tally up my assorted highs and lows, I didn't actually start playing until night eight, which I have to admit did erase some of my ennui, making my quest feel more grounded.
  
  And while acknowledging my woeful week, it's not like I haven't gained any "knowledge."
  
  I have learned at least half the reason I hate this game is I don't like the art. For me, it has zero design appeal. The artists seemed to be undecided if this is their riff on a zombie theme or something else really dark. But it's without direction or elegance. There are lots of gray and purpled blacks and lots of chartreuse variations, which I suppose are meant to be sickly. But then the menus and pickups are done in hot pink, neon turquoise and even slime lime green, aka ye olde "fake-y happy colors."
  
  It's all a bit clash-y.
  
  As opposed to, you ask? I don't know, maybe some steampunk!
  
  Where everything is burnished and polished and smooth and elemental. Not intended for puking guts and oozing gobs of puss slurping their way across the screen, leaving their entrails behind.
  
  I realize this may sound like I'm simply whining, but I'm really not. It's incredibly hard to play something for hours that doesn't stimulate your senses in a good way.
  
  Taking a break, in between frantic texts from Imani and Ari, I slithered under my bed, dug out my prized stash of Lumberjanes for comfort, wrapped myself in my blanket, and sat and reread, and reread again, their commitment to "Friendship to the Max." A rallying cry to my inner troops, reminding us of why we have to be here, sitting in my room, committing to bad art and deadly outbreaks, despite being, ever so slightly, just a wee bit of a toxiphobe. Because this is what you do for friends(hip) ...to the max.
  
  Which makes me smile. And look up from the game to a picture of me with Imani, sitting on a shelf above my desk. Maybe Imani was right all along and I had been suffering from the PAPEs. And maybe I'm not so much hating on this game, but rather I'm having a relapse.
  
  Nope. I shake my head. It's not a relapse. It's just your average sudden onset ague from Vik's tongue-lashing while being publicly intimidated.
  
  OK. Sitting forward. Twisting to the left. Twisting to the right. I am definitely in need of some kind of adrenaline boost. But, since it is one fifteen in the morning, on a school night, heading to the kitchen for a cup of espresso would be a really bad move.
  
  Then again, maybe I don't need coffee. Maybe I just need a life. You know, one that comes with a new girlfriend. A really cute, smart, funny, maybe even attainable, girlfriend who keeps me way too occupied for this.
  
  And ...right before I can digress right into that happy spot ...
  
  A giant slurping sound snaps me out of my reverie, just in time to see myself being eaten piece by piece by the Lassa Virus. Gurgle. Slurp. Gurgle.
  
  Really?
  
  Aw yuck. It actually just vomited me out! In one great green glob of goo. Now, that my friends, that is so freaking fourteen-year-old-boy gross.
  
  But, take a deep breath. Inhale. Exhale. Because gross or not, it is a perfect example of why I will not be staying alive if I can't keep my mind in this game.
  
  Anyone who games can tell you the first few nights of nearly any game you play are kind of easy and entertaining enough. So if you daydream, no biggie. The goal is simple. Suck you in, let you win, and then it begins to suck you dry. Feel free to insert an evil laugh here.
  
  So leveling up from level one to five is fairly quick. Want to defeat the bubonic? Kill the rat. And fortunately, when you signed up and got your first pack, it had a piece of cheese and a trap.
  
  I know, right? Low-lying fruit. Should be easy.
  
  But the low-hangers are only the beginning; the outbreaks start to get more dangerous, trickier, and more time consuming. They become more resistant and more prone to change. There are fake cures, which only "appear to work" before they turn deadly. And charlatans abound, ready to sell you all sorts of potions and elixirs, which they "guarantee" will assist you with your recovery.
  
  And all the while the viruses and diseases continue to cross-contaminate, linking up to increase both their epidemic power and their resistance, and eventually morphing themselves into something new and even deadlier. God I hate this game.
  
  Which, as I said, is why I am still stuck being a level seventeen and now watching myself be regurgitated.
  
  However, in my defense, it's not really about not liking the game, or even my lack of skill. It's because it's still less about playing than it is about maintaining constant contact with the chatter, listening in as gamers rant, rave, brag, boast, trade secrets or bs, and therefore expose themselves unwittingly to covert players. There's potential to suss out all manner of hidden action and clues.
  
  But just like real life versus movie life, going undercover in-game is more yawnfest than derring-do, metaphoric cape or not.
  
  I can't just drop it and steam ahead on playing, because I honestly have a weird sense that if there's going to be a tidbit to be had, as much as I hate scrolling it, the global chat channel is where I am going to find it.
  
  And so for the eight-hundredth time, I rehash my logic in an effort to focus.
  
  Somebody swiped Vikram's booty.
  
  In theory, this could mean it's personal, but that makes really no sense in this game. I mean if Vikram had that kind of mortal enemy, who also had this kind of skill, even Vikram might have had some kind of clue. Which he obviously did not, even after several days of reflection.
  
  Therefore I'm crossing off any sort of revenge motive, as that would be much more likely to be some weirder, not to mention really lame, movie plot than Vikram's universe could possibly warrant.
  
  I even ran a check, as best as I could, on the players who gained positions while Vikram dropped down the rankings and then rose back up. None of those peeps seemed to chart out of nowhere, or leap several players in a single bound, or something that would make them suspect.
  
  This leaves me with limited practical options, such as Vikram accidentally hitting a magic delete button, hidden by some sadistic game designer who said to himself, "one day some yutz will hit auto delete. This will be so much fun."
  
  Yeah, not buying that one. Although in the it's-way-past-midnight overtired way, part of me thinks that would be kind of hysterical.
  
  I'm also not buying some strange computer glitch. There's absolutely no traffic on anything remotely extrapolatable for that anywhere so, again, cross it off.
  
  Which takes me back to my original thinking. It's a "for profit" enterprise.
  
  Someone has to be farming the game. As in playing, collecting, and ultimately selling the stolen stuff. Now this theory is not one I like, because I can't find any signs of profiting— no listings or sell-offs.
  
  I have set alerts everywhere and so far, nothing. I also can't find any other signs of profiteering popping up within the game. There've been no ransom demands, no gleeful "gotchas," no hidden hoaxes.
  
  So again, the idea that it's a zero sum game is the only one that makes sense, but still leaves the why. And unless it was just for shiggles, then whoever hacked the game should still be playing. All I need now is for the reason to unveil itself ...somehow.
  
  I have just two words for myself, circle jerk. Or not.
  
  Jax21: wtf! Grinding in ruff by the caves and a freakin' giant thing just swooped in, killed the x-or36 contamination in one swing.
  
  Hello! Come to Sid, you lovely global chat thread.
  
  There are certain contagions that are outrageously difficult to beat, and a solo player would need to be leveled up near the top to have something in their arsenal that might be of use. And if they do, and they can defeat these outbreaks, there are all sorts of bonus bumps and bounty available, some of which is in the riches-beyond-compare category for gamers.
  
  So I wait and I watch the stream continue with its usual assortment of boring, stupid jock-ularity lurking until Jax21 finally resurfaces.
  
  Jax21: I'm telling you dude, couldn't tell hypo/sword.
  
  Bam! And now I'm all over it.
  
  vixen2729: was it blue?
  
  Jax21: confirmed.
  
  Wowzerhole. Fluck me.
  
  Jax21: you know it?
  
  I ignore him. I've got what I need.
  
  I remember when Vikram won this blue thing. It was maybe one, even two years ago now. I remember it being back when I thought he was a sycophantic ass, certain his head bob was created by his slinky-for-a-spine. Definitely going back to the days before Ari, thankfully, got him a calcium infusion.
  
  I know it was a Monday morning. Vikram came into homeroom all jacked up about winning this thing.
  
  "It's called a SwHypo because it has both antitoxin and weapon capabilities." Vikram circled the room, showing off his newly acquired treasure. "It's the only one in the game." Blah. "It was a lottery win." And blah. "I played for thirty-six straight hours, almost all weekend." And blah.
  
  This litany went on for days; I kid you not. I can't even say who I wanted to kill more, him or me.
  
  And thus it is perfectly, bitterly, ironic that this stupid SwHypo would be the answer ...or the clue. I'm not sure yet.
  
  I am, however, absolutely sure it means either the thief, or the buyer, is active and playing. I can't imagine it would be a buyer at this point. For starters, if you were the buyer, I think I might have found some evidence of you before this.
  
  And more importantly, there's still too much game left to farm and if you had the SwHypo, you'd be one pretty freaking invincible farmer.