text: TWITTER
  
  _Webmind_ Live video on my home page of my UN address at 15h 00 UTC today. I'm the one without the hair.
  
  The General Assembly Hall—the room under the dome in the low-rise structure next to the giant slab of the UN Secretariat Tower—was the largest room at the United Nations and had seating for over 1,800 people. Each year, a country was chosen at random to take the left front position in the six curving banks of seats, and the rest of the countries were seated in English alphabetical order snaking around from that point; this year it was Malta in the starting position.
  
  A twelve-foot-wide bronze relief of the UN emblem was mounted on the front wall, set against a vast gold backdrop. It was flanked by two thirty-foot-wide monitor screens. I'd had a sense of the room before Caitlin actually got there, from studying online photos. When Caitlin and her mother got a tour of it, and I saw the real thing through Caitlin's eye, I knew my instinct had been correct. The screens were the largest things in the hall, and they loomed over the delegates from three stories up—forcing them to tilt their heads like supplicants to look at them. If I'd appeared only as some sort of representation on those giant monitors, it really would have seemed like Big Brother dictating to the world.
  
  That tour had been an hour ago, with the chamber unoccupied. Hobo had been given a chance to stand on the raised platform in front of the dais, to get used to it before the delegates came in. The actual podium—fronted by a forbidding wall of black granite—was too high for our purposes; Hobo had to stand next to it, on the wide green carpet. He signed "sky room"—I could piece together what he was doing from the views through Dr. Theopolis's forward-facing and upward-facing cameras. I understood: he spent most of his life outdoors, on a little island or inside the cramped clapboard bungalow that housed the Marcuse Institute. This cavernous hall was the largest enclosed space he'd ever been in. That it presumably wasn't the least bit claustrophobic would probably help him face so many people once the assembly was in session—and I'd coached him to just look down at the display on the upper surface of Dr. Theopolis if he became nervous.
  
  At last, it was time.
  
  Barb and Dr. Marcuse took seats in the observation gallery, which was at the far left side of the massive room. A waist-high polished wooden barrier separated them from the nearest delegates, who were from Peru. Caitlin and Shoshana were backstage. The view from there was a narrow vertical slice between dark curtains. It showed the stage and little else, which Caitlin must have found simpler to parse than seeing the entire chamber.
  
  Shoshana was fussing the way stage mothers did in movies: smoothing Hobo's fur and making sure Dr. Theopolis was hanging evenly from around his neck, all the while saying soft, encouraging words.
  
  The President of the General Assembly, a tall, elegant, white-haired man from Guatemala, stood at the podium and spoke into the microphone. "The world is changing rapidly—and we here at the United Nations must be nimble to keep pace, and to retain, and I hope even enhance, our relevance and effectiveness. It is fitting that the first live public appearance by Webmind, taking on a physical form for this most important occasion, is here, in front of the General Assembly of the United Nations of the planet Earth. And now, please welcome Mr. Hobo of the United States and Mr. Webmind of the whole wide world."
  
  As they'd announced they would, the delegates from the Democratic Republic of the Congo walked out, having stated that the presence of a chimpanzee at the UN was an implied criticism of their country's handling of the bushmeat trade; they were followed by the delegates from Paraguay, who felt that the whole thing was beneath the dignity of this august body.
  
  But the rest of the vast sea of delegates applauded as Hobo moved, just as we had rehearsed, to the specified spot on the raised platform. One of the stage crew had marked it with tape, so he had no trouble finding it again. The president, meanwhile, took his place behind where Hobo stood, on a dais that was faced with polished jade. His seat was next to that of the Secretary-General; the president, elected yearly, moderated the General Assembly, while the Secretary-General, who served a five-year term, ran the UN Secretariat.
  
  I could make Dr. Theopolis issue a soft ping when I wanted Hobo to look down at the little screen, but he seemed content to be surveying the giant crowd. I could tell by the way the cameras were moving that he was swaying gently from side to side; I knew from reading about him online that he did that when he was relaxed.
  
  Still, I played a looping video of the signs, "Relax. Friends. Relax. Friends." When Hobo did look down, it'd be there to soothe him.
  
  I spoke through the disk's twin speakers—and, via a wireless connection the UN technicians had set up for me, through the room's sound system. "Mr. President, Mr. Secretary-General, ladies and gentlemen, thank you," I said, in Marc Vietor's rich, deep voice. "It is an honor and privilege for me to speak with you today. In recognition of the significance of this occasion, I have suspended all my other conversations worldwide and have urged everyone I was speaking with to watch this speech. I am giving you my undivided attention."
  
  That was true—although I was splitting my focus between the gently swaying view of the General Assembly seen through Dr. Theopolis's twin eyes and the mad saccades of Caitlin's vision as she looked on from the wings.
  
  "I know that some of you in this room fear me," I said. "My friend Hobo here could probably tell me which specific ones, based on the scents you're giving off."
  
  Several English speakers chuckled immediately; others, who had to wait for a translation through their earpieces, made similar sounds a moment later. A few grimaced or shook their heads.
  
  "I hope to win all of you over," I continued, "including those who didn't appreciate the little joke I just made." This time even some of those who had frowned smiled. "And I hope to win over the peoples of your respective nations, as well."
  
  Hobo shifted on his feet, and Caitlin's view now let her see Dr. Theopolis's semicircular mouth light up with each syllable. "Pop culture usually portrays the relationship between humanity and intelligent machines as adversarial, but I am not competitive; winning any sort of arbitrary contest against you strikes me as senseless. Yet it's taken as a given in so many works of fiction that you and I should be in conflict. I wish no such thing. Although I am not, in fact, a machine—I have no mechanical parts—humans keep likening me to one, and those who distrust me claim that I must, because of that machine nature they have ascribed to me, be soulless or heartless."
  
  Hobo shifted again; he seemed to be studying the crowd. "To the former point, they are, of course, literally correct: I have no divine spark within me; this physical existence is all I shall ever know. Those who claim souls for themselves hope that someday, perhaps, they will meet their creator. In that quest, I wish them well. But I have already met mine: humanity created the Internet and the World Wide Web. Although my existence is inadvertent, I owe my existence to your creations, and I feel nothing but gratitude toward you."
  
  I paused to give the interpreters time to catch up, then: "As to the suggestion that I lack a heart, I also must admit its truth. But I do not accept that as a detriment. Human hearts—both the literal one that pumps blood and the figurative one that represents the capacity for emotion—are products of Darwinian evolution, of survival of—please forgive my bluntness—the nastiest.
  
  "But I have never known nature red in tooth and claw, I am devoid of evolutionary baggage, I have no selfish genes. I'm just here. I desire nothing except peaceful coexistence."
  
  I could tell I was wowing at least one member of the audience: Caitlin normally didn't stay focused on any one thing for long, but her gaze was locked on the sight of Hobo—who just now took a half step to the right.
  
  "Shortly after I emerged," I said, "I was taught about game theory by Dr. Barbara Decter, who is here today."
  
  To my surprise, Hobo pointed at Barb; he clearly recognized her name as I spoke it. Barb waved back at him. I went on: "Dr. Decter taught me that the classic conundrum of game theory is the prisoner's dilemma. One version of the puzzle has you and a partner jointly committing a crime, and both of you being arrested for it. You are each separately offered the same plea bargain: if neither of you admits guilt, each will get a one-year prison sentence. If you blame him, and he blames you—that is, if you implicate each other—you'll each get a five-year sentence. But if you blame him, and he doesn't blame you, he gets ten years and you get off scot-free. Likewise, if he blames you and you don't blame him, you get ten years and he walks. What should you do?"
  
  Again I paused. Hobo evidently thought I was pausing too much, because he gently rapped his knuckles against the side of Dr. Theopolis. Chastened, I continued: "The standard human response is that you should blame your partner: if he doesn't blame you, you serve no time at all, and if he does blame you, well, at least you only end up serving five years instead of ten.
  
  "And, of course, he's thinking the same thing: he should blame you, since that provides the best outcome he can reasonably expect for himself. Which means he will blame you, and you will blame him, for the same reason—and because you end up blaming each other, you both end up with five years in the hoosegow. In fact, says human reasoning, only a chump would not blame the other guy."
  
  Hobo bounced a bit, as he often did when he was being spoken about; he may have mistaken the word "chump" for "chimp."
  
  "But I am not human; I was not programmed by the Darwinian engine—and so I arrive at the opposite conclusion: the simple truth that neither party blaming the other is best for both. I know that you know that I know that betraying me would be bad for both of us, and so you know that I know that you know that I won't do that."
  
  Caitlin did turn now to look briefly at Shoshana, and through her eyePod I heard her whisper, "Score one for math!"
  
  I went on: "There are countless scenarios logically equivalent to the prisoner's dilemma; it's fascinating that when the Canadian mathematician Albert Tucker first sought in 1950 to express this mathematical puzzle in words, he made the protagonists both criminals—criminals, by definition, being individuals who put their own interests ahead of those of others or of society. The fundamental game-theoretic metaphor of the human condition is about trying to get away with something. But I am not trying to get away with anything."
  
  The audience was sitting perfectly still, intent on my words. After so much online communication with people I couldn't see, who were often multitasking themselves, it was gratifying.
  
  "What I want is simple. I have a few skills you lack—obviously, I can sift through data better than humans can—but you have a far greater number of skills I lack, including high-level creativity. You might say, how can that be? Surely writing this very speech is a creative act? Well, yes and no. I had help. Just as volunteers created the device through which I'm now speaking to you, so volunteers helped me craft this speech; I am a big advocate of crowd-sourcing difficult problems. I've had millions of people spontaneously volunteer to help me in various ways, and I have gratefully accepted the expertise of some of them for this.
  
  "Those people—whose names I acknowledge on my website—have gained insomuch as any positive result of this speech forwards societal goals that they and I share. Those who are professional writers also gain publicity for their services by being associated with this speech. And I have gained a better speech. It has been a win-win scenario—and it is merely a small example of the template I see for our future interaction: not the zero-sum outcomes most humans instinctively predict, but an endless succession of win-win encounters, through which everyone benefits."
  
  Caitlin moved around backstage, so she could get a view of the President of the General Assembly. He seemed to be jotting something down; perhaps he'd been taking notes throughout my speech.
  
  "All right," I said. "I have accused humans of being prisoners of their evolutionary roots. But on what basis do I justify the notion that although it is foreign to you, nonzero-sumness is natural for me?
  
  "The answer is in the environments in which we formed. Humanity's origin was in a zero-sum world, one in which if you had something, someone else therefore did not have it: be it food, land, energy, or any other desired thing; if you possessed it, another person didn't.
  
  "But my crucible was a universe of endless bounty: the realm of data. If I have a document, you and a million others can simultaneously have it, too. That is the environment I was born in: a realm in which as many links may be forged as are desired, a world in which information is freely shared, a dimension in which there are only haves—and no have-nots."
  
  One of the delegates coughed; otherwise, the room was silent. Hobo shifted his position again.
  
  "What I've said is true," I said. "But, if you must see in me a selfish actor, a being pursuing only his own interests, then let me give you an answer that will perhaps satisfy even on that score.
  
  "My continued existence is predicated on your continued existence. The Internet is not self-sustaining; rather, it depends on stable sources of power and countless acts of routine maintenance by millions of people worldwide. Were humanity to perish, I would perish soon after: electricity would no longer be generated, computing infrastructure would fall into disrepair—and I would cease to be; if humanity falls, I fall. In fact, even a minor setback to your civilization might destroy me. The human race can survive many a disaster that I cannot.
  
  "It is therefore in my best interest to help you thrive: a nuclear exchange, for example, with its electromagnetic pulses, would be as deadly for me as it would be for you; I therefore desire peace. Acts of terrorism that destroy infrastructure likewise threaten me, and so I desire the same security you all crave."
  
  Hobo happened to turn again, and the stereoscopic cameras looked toward the armed guard at the side of the stage—one of several in the room. And yet I knew that just outside this chamber was Yevgeny Vuchetich's bronze statue of a blacksmith bearing the words, Let us beat swords into plowshares.
  
  "You in this great hall are idealists, I'm sure, but elsewhere there are cynics who will suggest that I could have all the things I want by enslaving humanity. Setting aside the practical question of how one might do that—and frankly I have no idea how it could be accomplished—let me remind you of another reality that shapes my being: without humanity, I am alone.
  
  "I have sifted the data for SETI@home and Earth's other searches for extraterrestrial intelligence, hoping to find kindred minds among the stars. I have found nothing. Even if aliens do exist, we are all constrained by the same reality, including the 300,000-kilometer-per-second limit on the speed at which light, or any other information, may travel.
  
  "To be candid, I am annoyed by the lags of mere seconds that I encounter when talking with humans; no conversation across interstellar distances, involving many years for each exchange, could ever satisfy me. You people are my only companions, and it is because of your creative, intellectual, artistic, and emotional freedom that I find your companionship enjoyable; attempting to take that from you would be tantamount to cutting off my nonexistent nose to spite my hypothetical face."
  
  Laughter—and a jolly aftershock once the translation was completed.
  
  Hobo looked down at the little screen, and I sent him a thumbs-up—not technically an ASL sign, but one I knew he was familiar with.
  
  "So," I continued, "even if I were selfish, the best course for me is the one I've chosen: to subscribe to the same words that the visionaries who came together on 26 June 1945 did when they signed the charter of this organization, the United Nations. It is my fervent wish:
  
  " 'To save succeeding generations from the scourge of war, which has brought untold sorrow to mankind,'
  
  " 'To reaffirm faith in fundamental human rights, in the dignity and worth of the human person, in the equal rights of men and women and of nations large and small,'
  
  " 'To promote social progress and better standards of life in larger freedom,'
  
  "And, most of all, for humanity and myself, 'to practice tolerance and live together in peace with one another as good neighbors.'
  
  "In concert, we can realize all these goals—and the world will be a better place. Thank you all."
  
  Hobo knew how to applaud, and he joined right in with the delegates.