text: Johnny and Lisa's rooms had been booked across the hall from each other, although with such late notice on Howie joining them right before the flight, the ex-director's room was on the third floor with the film crew instead of the fourth with his friend. "Don't you worry about me, Johnny. Something tells me I'll know exactly when you head out and need an extra pair of eyes."
  
  The old man winked and hobbled through his door. The film crew disbursed to their reserved rooms down the hall, and Johnny, Lisa, and the hounds took the elevator to the fourth floor.
  
  After they each settled into their rooms, Lisa took her usual next step and knocked on the dwarf's door with a perfunctory, "It's me."
  
  Johnny let her in with a nod and a grunt before he trudged down the short hall.
  
  "Oh, wow." She stepped slowly through the room and removed her Stephanie illusion as she viewed the large, fully equipped kitchen on the left. Suitably impressed, she turned the corner on the right toward the large living area in his suite. "It looks like someone had an upgrade."
  
  He shrugged. "I'm sure yours is equally as nice."
  
  "Nice? Sure, but about a third the size of this." She flopped on the luxuriously soft cushions of the couch facing the north-facing windows and sighed as she placed her tablet beside her. "He went all out."
  
  "I don't see why." The dwarf filled a large mixing bowl with water from the sink and set it on the kitchen floor for the hounds. "I ain't exactly the type to need a big ol' fancy suite like this one. And before you ask, no. I didn't ask for an upgrade, either."
  
  "I was talking about Tommy," Lisa replied with a smirk. "Not the concierge."
  
  "Oh." He scrunched his nose. "Then it makes even less sense."
  
  "How's that?"
  
  "Private film crew, private jet, bigass suite with only me and two hounds to fill it. Looks to me like Nelson's tryin' to compensate for somethin'." As the sound of Rex and Luther lapping water rose from the kitchen, Johnny joined her in the living area and took the large armchair with its back to the north windows. "Like he all of a sudden thinks he needs to start impressin' me. Which he ain't."
  
  "Um…well, I think all this is for the fans."
  
  "Say what now?"
  
  She smirked at him. "All this with the show, Johnny. It'll only work if everything looks and sounds and feels legit, right? That includes what your old fans think of Dwarf the Bounty Hunter's unexpected return."
  
  He blinked and pressed his lips together. "Did you watch any of it?"
  
  "Not yet."
  
  "I think Nelson ain't watched a goddamn minute of it either 'cause I didn't put myself up like this back then."
  
  "No private jet?"
  
  Johnny snorted. "Hell no. We had a tour van."
  
  Lisa tried to fight back a laugh and failed. "Are you serious?"
  
  "Yep." Shifting in the chair, he looked away from her and mumbled, "It had my face on it and everythin'."
  
  "So you drove your own bus for your own show to apprehend bounties for seven years?"
  
  The corner of his mouth twitched in the hint of a smile, and his mustache wiggled with it. "Only for the first year—long enough for me to get a good read on the guy who ended up drivin' for us after that. I tell you what, darlin'. Roger handled that bus like it was a damn racecar."
  
  The agent folded her arms with a curious frown. "You hired a racecar driver to drive your tour bus."
  
  "What? No. He was a gnome."
  
  "Johnny!" Luther trotted toward the slightly open door into the king-sized bedroom suite and nudged it open the rest of the way with his nose. The door creaked gently. "Got any treats in here?"
  
  "Luther, we were in the kitchen," Rex called after him as he lapped the rest of the water. "Unless there's a fridge in there, you're barking up the wrong—"
  
  Luther barked sharply, spun, and bumped his head against the door before he finally made his way out again. "The fridge! Johnny, people in Baltimore love you, right?"
  
  "And hounds."
  
  "Yeah, of course. So they'd put treats in that fridge, right?"
  
  "Johnny, can you check?"
  
  Luther raced past his brother and skidded to a stop in front of the fridge to drag his tongue across the black appliance in a long line. "Ooh, yeah. I can smell it, Johnny. They put bacon in there."
  
  Rex nipped at the smaller hound's neck, then licked his brother's face. "Nope. That's still you."
  
  "Leave it, boys," the dwarf grumbled.
  
  Lisa turned on the couch to peer into the kitchen on the other side of the suite's entrance hall. "What are they up to?"
  
  "Same thing every time." The dwarf dragged a hand down his cheek and snorted. "It's endless."
  
  "Wouldn't be endless if you gave us treats, Johnny."
  
  "Yeah, we don't talk with our mouths full. That's rude."
  
  He shook his head and slumped in the armchair.
  
  "What?" Lisa grinned at him.
  
  "I have too much on my mind." He cast a frustrated glance toward the kitchen. "Too many voices, rather."
  
  "Don't tell me you're starting to regret your greatest invention."
  
  The dwarf scoffed, crossed one leg over the other, and lifted his arms almost to shoulder height to prop them on the armrests. "Collars ain't my best, darlin'."
  
  "What?" Rex called.
  
  Luther snorted. "Now you're being rude."
  
  "Oh, really?" Lisa raised an eyebrow. "As far as I know, there aren't any other talking-dog collars out there. You could make a fortune on a patent with that."
  
  "And throw the world of hound and master off balance with no return?" He shook his head. "I'm all for makin' an impact, darlin', but that's one dangerous road. And patents are a waste of time."
  
  "Well, it can't be—"
  
  A brisk knock at the front door interrupted her. "Mr. Walker?"
  
  Johnny frowned at the entrance hall. "If that's room service before I even called, then I'll be impressed."
  
  Lisa pulled up her Stephanie illusion as he stood and followed him out of the living area.
  
  The bounty hunter reached the door and pulled it open. "If you're gonna be shoutin' my name from the other side of the door, I'm only gonna say this once. It's—aw, hell."
  
  "Hello." Phil grinned in the hallway, surrounded by four of his team. Cody stood slightly behind him and to the side, his camera rolling. Dave dangled the mic over the director's head and tried to stretch it over Johnny's too. "Can we come in?"
  
  "No."
  
  "Johnny, this is all part of the process." Phil peered around the dwarf and saw Lisa-Stephanie in the hall, a hound on either side of her. "And since it looks like we're all here, we might as well pick up where we left off." He tapped Cody's shoulder lightly and muttered, "Get her and the dogs in there too. That's great."
  
  Cody stepped forward with the camera, and Johnny pointed at him. "Come any closer, and that camera's mine."
  
  "Only a few minutes, Johnny," the director pleaded. "Let us inside and we'll make it quick. The lighting in here is—"
  
  "Y'all ain't steppin' inside my room. Get your shots in public like everyone else." He started to close the door but the director thumped his hand against it and managed to keep it open briefly.
  
  "For the show, Johnny. For the fans."
  
  "Boys."
  
  "Yeah, Johnny?"
  
  "We're on it."
  
  The hounds stalked past Lisa and moved slowly toward the open door as they growled and bared their teeth.
  
  Phil chuckled nervously. "How are we supposed to get more material if you won't let us in—"
  
  "When I leave the room. And that ain't happenin' again tonight."
  
  "Want us to chase ʼem off, Johnny?"
  
  "That nervous-sweaty two-legs looks like he's still learning how to run. We can teach him for you."
  
  Hearing only the hounds' snarling and Luther's jaws snapping shut as they reached the door, Phil stepped back and swallowed. "We were contracted to—"
  
  "Mind your business unless I say otherwise. And I wouldn't come back here without Howie if I were you." He slammed the door shut.
  
  Luther sat and uttered a warbled howl. "And stay out."
  
  "Johnny," the director called from the other side of the door. "We've already got some great stuff but not nearly enough for the first day."
  
  Rex growled and sniffed the bottom of the door, snorting and pawing. "Man, this guy's dumb."
  
  "Johnny?"
  
  The bounty hunter ignored the desperate director and marched down the hall. "He'll get it eventually."
  
  Lisa darted a sympathetic frown at the closed door. "Do you want me to talk to him?"
  
  "Naw. That's settin' yourself up to have whatever you say twisted and stuck on YouBoob."
  
  She barked out a laugh. "I'm sorry?"
  
  "The thing with the videos."
  
  "YouTube, Johnny."
  
  "Sure." He went to the kitchen and opened cabinet after cabinet, searching for the one thing he wanted. Private jet and swanky digs. If Nelson ain't givin' up all the goods, none of that's gonna save him from— Johnny stopped at the last open cabinet and grinned. "There you are."
  
  He took the unopened bottle of Johnny Walker Black and two glasses and turned toward his companion. "Care to join me, darlin'?"
  
  She raised her chin and looked at him with a smile. "I'm not sure I'm a whiskey girl."
  
  "Well, why don't you take the redhead mask off and give it a try. We'll find out together."
  
  "Okay." She removed the illusion and glanced at the fridge. "Are there any mixers in that fridge?"
  
  Johnny snorted. "You're lucky I like you. That there's blasphemy."
  
  "Wow. So this is like a religion for you."
  
  This time, he took a seat on the couch beside her and poured two fingers of whiskey for Lisa and a full four for himself. "I ain't the religious type, darlin'. But I believe in a fair number of things—the truth, my privacy, a fair exchange, a good hunt, and this."
  
  He raised his glass toward her and winked.
  
  "So we'll add sharing your favorites to the list." Lisa clinked her glass against his and chuckled.
  
  "Sure." The dwarf sniffed and sipped his drink. "Right up there with justice."
  
  "Of course. And we're closer now than you were before you had a partner to help you track him."
  
  He looked thoughtfully at her. "I suppose we are."
  
  Lisa sniffed the whiskey tentatively, followed by a small sip. Her eyes widened and she swallowed and wheezed a cough. "Wow."
  
  "It gets better the closer you get to empty."
  
  She set her glass on the round marble coffee table and nodded. "I'll take your word for it."
  
  "What? Darlin', that whiskey's as good as my word. Don't let it go to waste now."
  
  Not knowing how to respond to that, she retrieved her tablet instead and pulled up the YouTube app.
  
  "Aw, what are you doin'?"
  
  "I want to see what everyone else has already watched today." She smirked. "Don't you?"
  
  "Nope."
  
  "Well, feel free to take a peek if you change your mind." All she had to type into the search bar was Johnny and Dwarf the Bounty Hunter's newest YouTube channel pulled up immediately. "Look at that. You're the first thing that comes up."
  
  "You sound way too happy about that." He downed the rest of his glass and popped the top off the bottle for a refill.
  
  "No, it's a good thing. Oh, my God."
  
  "What?" He drank more whiskey and couldn't bring himself to look at the tablet.
  
  "They put this up six hours ago, and it already has almost two million views."
  
  "Dammit."
  
  "Johnny, this is good." Lisa selected the highest-viewed video "teaser" for the show's post-retirement season and let the ad at the beginning play all the way through. "Everyone's watching."
  
  "That ain't never been a good thing." He glanced at the ad for some office networking software and snorted. "Why's that on there, huh? I ain't endorsin' anythin'."
  
  "It's only an ad. Okay, look. Here we go."
  
  The short video started with Pantera's "Domination" playing quietly in the background. Johnny sniffed. At least they got the heavy metal part right.
  
  "Do you have any concerns about your ability to find and apprehend this next bounty, given your previous record as a bounty hunter and then your rather long hiatus?"
  
  Phil spoke from behind the camera that had focused on Johnny, "Stephanie," and two hounds beside a drastically enlarged neon-pink flamingo.
  
  "I'm a dwarf. I coulda stayed outta the game for thirty years and still known exactly what I'm doin'."
  
  "What?" He scowled at the tablet. "I specifically remember more colorful language than that."
  
  "Which is why they voiced you over this shot." She pointed at the video, which changed to a wide, sweeping view of the swamp. Fortunately, that view stopped before the edge of the bounty hunter's home could come into view.
  
  "I aim to clean up and throw the bastard out with the trash."
  
  "Johnny doesn't discriminate." That was Lisa again, paired with a slow-motion clip of her as the redheaded Stephanie turning to shoot Johnny a winning grin.
  
  "Oh, jeez." She rolled her eyes. "Such a flattering way to take all that out of context."
  
  The bounty hunter chuckled. "I tell you what. That redhead's lookin' real sweet on me in that shot."
  
  "Oh, come on."
  
  "Naw, that ain't you, darlin'." He raised his glass at her again with a smirk. "I won't hold it against you."
  
  The sound of the hounds barking in the background rose from the speakers and faded away as if Rex and Luther had been caught on audio disappearing into the swamp.
  
  "Johnny." Rex trotted around the corner with his ears perked. "Is that us?"
  
  Luther barked sharply, ran into the living area, and his head darted from side to side as he searched the suite. "You bring other hounds in here and not tell us?"
  
  "It is us."
  
  "No way, Rex. I sound way bigger than that."
  
  "Join us for more sneak peeks of Dwarf the Bounty Hunter as Johnny Walker and his coonhounds take to the streets of Baltimore, sniffing out justice and taking out the trash."
  
  "What the fuck?" Johnny scowled at the video. "That ain't in the interview."
  
  The next image was a closeup of him, completely cutting out what had previously been captured of Luther pissing on the flamingo.
  
  "That about sums it up."
  
  The show's logo crashed into the center of the screen, the typography enhanced and animated with flames since the last time it had aired fifteen years earlier. Below it, smaller text appeared beside a pistol with an animated explosion bursting from the barrel—You don't want to miss all this action. Subscribe Now!
  
  "For cryin' out loud." The dwarf took another long pull of his whiskey.
  
  Lisa forced back a laugh and let the end of the video roll through to another short snippet the film crew had already posted. "Looking at this objectively, I'd say they did very well, although I can't help but notice it's only 'Johnny Walker and his coonhounds' and nothing about Stephanie."
  
  "What? Do you want ʼem to add, 'And his assistant?'" He grunted. "All the fancy images and puttin' in shit that ain't part of what they filmed. That asshole took a good thing and ruined it."
  
  "It's been fifteen years, Johnny. The show has to change with the times."
  
  "No, it don't." The next video started to play and he leaned sideways to swipe at the tablet and close out the YouTube app. "That's enough."
  
  "Johnny." Luther sat at his master's feet and stared at the tablet. "Hey. Were we in there? Were we on TV?"
  
  "I heard being on TV makes you look bigger. Like with tons of muscle and a longer tail," Rex added. "That true?"
  
  Johnny gave the hounds a warning glance.
  
  "Maybe it made him look bigger."
  
  "Naw, Johnny's already got enough muscle."
  
  When the dwarf turned toward Lisa, she was biting her lip in an attempt to hide a knowing smile. "What?"
  
  "I know you won't come out and say it, but I think you miss having that show on all the time."
  
  He rolled his eyes. "And Nelson up my ass every time a new episode aired? Naw. You're graspin' for straws."
  
  "You didn't film any federal cases, did you?"
  
  He avoided her gaze and knocked back the rest of his second drink. "Not that I recall."
  
  "Huh. Because it was so long ago."
  
  "Yep."
  
  "It's a good thing Phil put up all seven seasons on the YouTube channel as a refresher course—"
  
  "Don't you even think about it. If you wanna keep this partner arrangement, Lisa, you give me your word right now you ain't fixin' to watch all that behind my back."
  
  Her eyes widened and a slow grin spread across her lips. "There it is."
  
  "What?"
  
  "This partner arrangement. You're finally getting it, aren't you?"
  
  Johnny grunted and reached for the bottle of whiskey to pour himself another glass. "When I can use it as leverage? You bet."