Today was your first birthday since we lost you. It was almost like a day of mourning for me, actually, I guess it was. Thought about you most of the day, still wondering if there was anything I could've done to make you rethink things, though deep down I know I couldn't have.
Mom and dad had a special mass said for you today. Unfortunately we don't talk about it except to recognize to each other that it's a sad day. I really don't have anyone to talk to about my thoughts and feelings so I just write you these letters once in a while. You would've been 50 today, and I never thought my sister would be dead before 50 years old. My heart is just broken, and I'm so sad. I pray everyday that you're in heaven, and keep praying for signs, but of course I don't see any. I'm very lonely and miss getting your emails and texts. Anyway, I hope you're looking down and seeing what a gaping hole you left in our lives. I'm not angry with you, just sad and wish I could've done something. Love, your brother.