I spent my teens and early twenties hiding behind an inebriated party persona, but scratch the surface and there was a little girl inside me crying over the fact that she never got to be a kid. That she always had to be the brave one, the grown up one, the successful one. If I am being unflinchingly honest, at my very core back in those days, I hated myself.
My journey to liking myself and being happy inside my own skin started after hitting rock bottom and realising I was a weekend-bender away from losing absolutely everything that mattered to me. I went through significant change in all areas of my life to turn it around, and it was only after going through this process that I became truly happy with what I saw in the mirror. Gone was the mask. I was at long last comfortable just being me. My eldest daughter came along almost three years after that rock bottom moment, which was enough time for me to have become a whole new and much improved version of my former self.
I'd like to share with you some of the most important changes I made during that process. I know they helped to become a better me, and I'm sure they could help become a better you too.
I have said it on the blog so many times, and will continue saying it over and over again. Without truly making peace with what we've gone through before today, no matter how dark and painful it might have been, we will never move forwards and be able to live a brighter tomorrow. Once we have accepted the past and made peace with it, we can start respecting ourselves. I believe that a fundamental lack of respect for ourselves is what drives a lot of our self-destructive negative behaviour.
There's a saying that we will only ever be as good as the company we keep. If the people around you are dragging you down, even if they are family, it's time to take a break from them. Be it in the short term, for a longer period or for good, assess what every single person brings into your life and whether you actually want them in it.
Are you a bit too partial to opening a bottle of vino 'to have one glass' and finishing the entire bottle (and perhaps opening a second)? No-one will deny you a couple of drinks on a Friday night to celebrate the weekend, but if you are drinking excessively and it is negatively impacting other areas of your life then be honest with yourself and think about cutting down or stopping altogether for a while.
This is more than just a fad to lose a bit of flab for the summer. The only way to lose weight and keep it off is by eating a diet of good quality, mostly natural food. Processed food – even made by the premium brands – is heavily refined and really not good for you. Take a look at my recipe section and Pinterest boards for inspiration.
If you have health related problems and eat a poor diet, take back control. When I was diagnosed with PCOS and told I would not naturally conceive, I drastically reduced my sugar intake and cut down on processed carbs. Within two years I had fallen pregnant by accident. It's too much of a coincidence to ignore. What we eat has a massive effect over our entire well being. Nowadys I follow the GAPS Diet, and feel amazing for it, even on three or four broken hours of sleep most nights. Take a look at my recent vlog if you are interested in learning more.
Exercise is just as essential. It doesn't have to be complicated or time consuming, and can come in the form of walking instead of driving, and using the stairs instead of the lift. Moving is almost always better than not moving. Unless you're sleeping of course, and in which case my friend you're doing better than me because not much sleep is had in my house!
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We've talked and there's nothing I can say that hasn't been said by almost every other commenter: inspirational, honest, and above all achievable if the mind set is right. Thank you so much for the comments you leave and for sharing your tips.
Thanks so much Fiona, it's certainly been a long old journey to get to this place. I'm glad you you did the same and came to a place where you're happy too. Real confidence is a funny old thing isn't it!
You are really amazing. Having met you in a real life, I was struck by what a bundle of energy and positivity you are.
You know, I was just thinking about the whole "making peace with your past" thing this morning because I was getting annoyed with myself for not losing weight sooner. But then I thought, I've done it now, and yes I might have been happier if I'd done it sooner, but what can I do about that now? Nothing! Other than continue to improve, obviously!
Thanks so much for your kind words Claire, really glad you enjoyed the post.
Great advice. I particularly agree with the nutrition side of things. Too much emphasis is put on correcting and fixing illnesses, when so many could be prevented by feeding our bodies properly. But it's not just physical well being, it's mental well being too.
You might find my book useful as it gives practical advice on how to implement change.
Thanks for sharing this advice, I must admit I am severely lacking motivation with my diet at the moment (my general diet) it just seems to be getting worse. So over this weekend I have made myself a promise to go over and have a look at your pinterest boards and try and take a bit of control back and hopefully the motivation will follow!
The more I find out about the "you" behind the mask & your thoughts on change the more I am amazed by your bravery, inspired by your strength and your determination to change the negative in your life.
Hi Renee. I'm new to reading your blog (newbie blogger). Found via #thelist. Really enjoyed this thought provoking post. You make some great points that liking yourself means prioritising not only your physical wellbeing but also your social and emotional health too. Looking forwards to reading some more soon.
You're so right hun, making peace with your past is very important. It's also very difficult and even now I struggle with it sometimes. Wondering if I've done the right thing when I see happy photos of my (biological) mother with my sisters. But then I realise that I have the most wonderful family right here, by my side. My mum is the best I could've wished for and I am happy. I don't need to wonder any more. I KNOW I made the right choice.
Thanks Merlinda, really kind of you to say that.
Beautiful and sound advice. What I also love is that you can hear the peace and joy now when you write despite what you've overcome.
This is such an inspirational post and really resonates with me.
I too have a fair few demons from the past tucked away. I recognise a lot of myself in your own description. I had a fairly destructive childhood, my teenage years were shaky to say the least. I thought falling in love and having my son when I was 21 was going to be a catalyst of change for me (certainly the months of my pregnancy were a wonderful turning point) .
It wasn't meant to be, when my son was stillborn at 41 weeks that all came crashing down, the loss of my relationship followed and the next three years of my life were horrifically bleak. So so many mistakes and so much to forgive myself for.
It's been ten years since I started turning my life around. I have a lovely family, a business, friends and my health. It isn't always easy though. I feel the reminders of my previous life tugging at me sometimes.
You are so right. Diet, exercise and the ability to forgive yourself are the cornerstones to change.
The last one is the one I work on day to day.
Great post, thank you for writing what I needed to hear!
and what a great inspiration to others.
Fabulous post and some great advice for helping be happier with the person in the mirror. It's something I struggle with at times but I'm getting there. I definitely agree with making peace with your past – this has probably been the biggest factor for me at helping me be a happier person, accepting what I can't change and making peace with it. I think the biggest piece of advice which has helped me is the point you make in your book that the only person who can make you happy is yourself. It's certainly helped me take back control and take positive steps forward.
Thanks so much Afra, really pleased you found it useful. Have a lovely weekend.
great post with sensible suggestions which would benefit just about everyone.