Buda-Pesth, 24 August.
"My dearest Lucy,
"I know you will be anxious to hear all that has happened since
we parted at the railway station at Whitby.
"Well, my dear, I got to Hull all right, and caught the boat to
Hamburg, and then the train on here. I feel that I can hardly
recall anything of the journey, except that I knew I was coming to
Jonathan, and that as I should have to do some nursing, I had
better get all the sleep I could. I found my dear one, oh, so thin
and pale and weaklooking. All the resolution has gone out of his
dear eyes, and that quiet dignity which I told you was in his face
has vanished. He is only a wreck of himself, and he does not
remember anything that has happened to him for a long time past. At
least, he wants me to believe so, and I shall never ask.
"He has had some terrible shock, and I fear it might tax his
poor brain if he were to try to recall it. Sister Agatha, who is a
good creature and a born nurse, tells me that he wanted her to tell
me what they were, but she would only cross herself, and say she
would never tell. That the ravings of the sick were the secrets of
God, and that if a nurse through her vocation should hear them, she
should respect her trust..
"She is a sweet, good soul, and the next day, when she saw I was
troubled, she opened up the subject my poor dear raved about,
added, `I can tell you this much, my dear. That it was not about
anything which he has done wrong himself, and you, as his wife to
be, have no cause to be concerned. He has not forgotten you or what
he owes to you. His fear was of great and terrible things, which no
mortal can treat of.'
"I do believe the dear soul thought I might be jealous lest my
poor dear should have fallen in love with any other girl. The idea
of my being jealous about Jonathan! And yet, my dear, let me
whisper, I felt a thrill of joy through me when I knew that no
other woman was a cause for trouble. I am now sitting by his
bedside, where I can see his face while he sleeps. He is
waking!bedside, where I can see his face while he sleeps. He is
waking!
"When he woke he asked me for his coat, as he wanted to get
something from the pocket. I asked Sister Agatha, and she brought
all his things. I saw amongst them was his notebook, and was was
going to ask him to let me look at it, for I knew that I might find
some clue to his trouble, but I suppose he must have seen my wish
in my eyes, for he sent me over to the window, saying he wanted to
be quite alone for a moment.
"Then he called me back, and he said to me very solemnly,
`Wilhelmina', I knew then that he was in deadly earnest, for he has
never called me by that name since he asked me to marry him, `You
know, dear, my ideas of the trust between husband and wife. There
should be no secret, no concealment. I have had a great shock, and
when I try to think of what it is I feel my head spin round, and I
do not know if it was real of the dreaming of a madman. You know I
had brain fever, and that is to be mad. The secret is here, and I
do not want to know it. I want to take up my life here, with our
marriage.' For, my dear, we had decided to be married as soon as
the formalities are complete. `Are you willing, Wilhelmina, to
share my ignorance? Here is the book. Take it and keep it, read it
if you will,but never let me know unless, indeed, some solemn duty
should come upon me to go back to the bitter hours, asleep or
awake, sane or mad, recorded here.' He fell back exhausted, and I
put the book under his pillow, and kissed him. have asked Sister
Agatha to beg the Superior to let our wedding be this afternoon,
and am waiting her reply … "
"She has come and told me that the Chaplain of the English
mission church has been sent for. We are to be married in an hour,
or as soon after as Jonathan awakes."
"Lucy, the time has come and gone. I feel very solemn, but very,
very happy. Jonathan woke a little after the hour, and all was
ready, and he sat up in bed, propped up with pillows. He answeredready, and he sat up in bed, propped up with pillows. He answered
his `I will' firmly and strong. I could hardly speak. My heart was
so full that even those words seemed to choke me.
"The dear sisters were so kind. Please, God, I shall never,
never forget them, nor the grave and sweet responsibilities I have
taken upon me. I must tell you of my wedding present. When the
chaplain and the sisters had left me alone with my husband—oh,
Lucy, it is the first time I have written the words `my
husband'—left me alone with my husband, I took the book from under
his pillow, and wrapped it up in white paper, and tied it with a
little bit of pale blue ribbon which was round my neck, and sealed
it over the knot with sealing wax, and for my seal I used my
wedding ring. Then I kissed it and showed it to my husband, and
told him that I would keep it so, and then it would be an outward
and visible sign for us all our lives that we trusted each other,
that I would never open it unless it were for his own dear sake or
for the sake of some stern duty. Then he took my hand in his, and
oh, Lucy, it was the first time he took his wifes' hand, and said
that it was the dearest thing in all the wide world, and that he
would go through all the past again to win it, if need be. The poor
dear meant to have said a part of the past, but he cannot think of
time yet, and I shall not wonder if at first he mixes up not only
the month, but the year.
"Well, my dear, could I say? I could only tell him that I was
the happiest woman in all the wide world, and that I had nothing to
give him except myself, my life, and my trust, and that with these
went my love and duty for all the days of my life. And, my dear,
when he kissed me, and drew me to him with his poor weak hands, it
was like a solemn pledge between us.
"Lucy dear, do you know why I tell you all this? It is not only
because it is all sweet to me, but because you have been, and are,
very dear to me. It was my privilege to be your friend and guide