me! He placed his reeking lips upon my throat!" Her husband groaned
again. She clasped his hand harder, and looked at him pityingly, as
if he were the injured one, and went on.
"I felt my strength fading away, and I was in a half swoon. How
long this horrible thing lasted I know not, but it seemed that a
long time must have passed before he took his foul, awful, sneering
mouth away. I saw it drip with the fresh blood!"The remembrance
seemed for a while to overpower her, and she drooped and would have
sunk down but for her husband's sustaining arm. With a great effort
she recovered herself and went on.
"Then he spoke to me mockingly, `And so you, like the others,
would play your brains against mine. You would help these men to
hunt me and frustrate me in my design! You know now, and they know
in part already, and will know in full before long, what it is to
cross my path. They should have kept their energies for use closer
to home. Whilst they played wits against me, against me who
commanded nations, and intrigued for them, and fought for them,
hundreds of years before they were born, I was countermining them.
And you, their best beloved one, are now to me, flesh of my flesh,
blood of my blood, kin of my kin, my bountiful wine-press for a
while, and shall be later on my companion and my helper. You shall
be avenged in turn, for not one of them but shall minister to your
needs. But as yet you are to be punished for what you have done.
You have aided in thwarting me. Now you shall come to my call. When
my brain says "Come!" to you, you shall cross land or sea to do my
bidding. And to that end this!'
With that he pulled open his shirt, and with his long sharp
nails opened a vein in his breast. When the blood began to spurt
out, he took my hands in one of his, holding them tight, and with
the other seized my neck and pressed my mouth to the wound, so that
I must either suffocate or swallow some to the … Oh, my God!
My God! What have I done? What have I done to deserve such a fate,My God! What have I done? What have I done to deserve such a fate,
I who have tried to walk in meekness and righteousness all my days.
God pity me! Look down on a poor soul in worse than mortal peril.
And in mercy pity those to whom she is dear!" Then she began to rub
her lips as though to cleanse them from pollution.
As she was telling her terrible story, the eastern sky began to
quicken, and everything became more and more clear. Harker was
still and quiet. But over his face, as the awful narrative went on,
came a grey look which deepened and deepened in the morning light,
till when the first red streak of the coming dawn shot up, the
flesh stood darkly out against the whitening hair.
We have arranged that one of us is to stay within call of the
unhappy pair till we can meet together and arrange about taking
action.
Of this I am sure. The sun rises today on no more miserable
house in all the great round of its daily course.3 October.—As I must do something or go mad, I write this diary.
It is now six o'clock, and we are to meet in the study in half an
hour and take something to eat, for Dr. Van Helsing and Dr. Seward
are agreed that if we do not eat we cannot work our best. Our best
will be, God knows, required today. I must keep writing at every
chance, for I dare not stop to think. All, big and little, must go
down. Perhaps at the end the little things may teach us most. The
teaching, big or little, could not have landed Mina or me anywhere
worse than we are today. However, we must trust and hope. Poor Mina
told me just now, with the tears running down her dear cheeks, that
it is in trouble and trial that our faith is tested. That we must
keep on trusting, and that God will aid us up to the end. The end!
Oh my God! What end? … To work! To work!
When Dr. Van Helsing and Dr. Seward had come back from seeing
poor Renfield, we went gravely into what was to be done. First, Dr.
Seward told us that when he and Dr. Van Helsing had gone down to
the room below they had found Renfield lying on the floor, all in a
heap. His face was all bruised and crushed in, and the bones of the
neck were broken.
Dr. Seward asked the attendant who was on duty in the passage if
he had heard anything. He said that he had been sitting down, he
confessed to half dozing, when he heard loud voices in the room,
and then Renfield had called out loudly several times, "God! God!
God!" After that there was a sound of falling, and when he entered
the room he found him lying on the floor, face down, just as the
doctors had seen him. Van Helsing asked if he had heard "voices" or
"a voice," and he said he could not say. That at first it had
seemed to him as if there were two, but as there was no one in the
room it could have been only one. He could swear to it, if
required, that the word "God" was spoken by the patient.
Dr. Seward said to us, when we were alone, that he did not wish
to go into the matter. The question of an inquest had to beto go into the matter. The question of an inquest had to be
considered, and it would never do to put forward the truth, as no
one would believe it. As it was, he thought that on the attendant's
evidence he could give a certificate of death by misadventure in
falling from bed. In case the coroner should demand it, there would
be a formal inquest, necessarily to the same result.
When the question began to be discussed as to what should be our
next step, the very first thing we decided was that Mina should be
in full confidence. That nothing of any sort, no matter how
painful, should be kept from her. She herself agreed as to its
wisdom, and it was pitiful to see her so brave and yet so
sorrowful, and in such a depth of despair.
"There must be no concealment," she said. "Alas! We have had too
much already. And besides there is nothing in all the world that
can give me more pain than I have already endured, than I suffer
now! Whatever may happen, it must be of new hope or of new courage
to me!"
Van Helsing was looking at her fixedly as she spoke, and said,
suddenly but quietly, "But dear Madam Mina, are you not afraid. Not
for yourself, but for others from yourself, after what has
happened?"
Her face grew set in its lines, but her eyes shone with the
devotion of a martyr as she answered, "Ah no! For my mind is made
up!"
"To what?" he asked gently, whilst we were all very still, for
each in our own way we had a sort of vague idea of what she
meant.
Her answer came with direct simplicity, as though she was simply
stating a fact, "Because if I find in myself, and I shall watch
keenly for it, a sign of harm to any that I love, I shall die!"
"You would not kill yourself?" he asked, hoarsely.
"I would. If there were no friend who loved me, who would save
me such a pain, and so desperate an effort!" She looked at him
meaningly as she spoke.
He was sitting down, but now he rose and came close to her and
put his hand on her head as he said solemnly. "My child, there is