Hatter, and, just as the Dormouse crossed the court, she said, to
one of the officers of the court, “Bring me the list of the singers
in the last concert!” on which the wretched Hatter trembled so,
that he shook off both his shoes.
“Give your evidence,” the King repeated angrily, “or I’ll have
you executed, whether you are nervous or not.”
“I’m a poor man, your Majesty,” the Hatter began, in a trembling
voice, “—and I hadn’t begun my tea—not above a week or so—and what
with the bread-and-butter getting so thin—and the twinkling of the
tea——”
“The twinkling of what?” said the King.
“It began with the tea,” the Hatter replied.
“Of course twinkling begins with a T!” said the King sharply.
“Do you take me for a dunce? Go on!”
“I’m a poor man,” the Hatter went on, “and most things twinkled
after that—only the March Hare said——”
“I didn’t!” the March Hare interrupted in a great hurry.
“You did!” said the Hatter.
“I deny it!” said the March Hare.
“He denies it,” said the King: “leave out that part.”
“Well, at any rate, the Dormouse said——” the Hatter went on,
looking anxiously round to see if he would deny it too; but the
Dormouse denied nothing, being fast asleep.
“After that,” continued the Hatter, “I cut some more
bread-and-butter——”
“But what did the Dormouse say?” one of the jury asked.
“That I ca’n’t remember,” said the Hatter.
“You must remember,” remarked the King, “or I’ll have you
executed.”
The miserable Hatter dropped his teacup and bread-and-butter,
and went down on one knee. “I’m a poor man, your Majesty,” he
began.
“You’re a very poor speaker,” said the King.
Here one of the guinea-pigs cheered, and was immediately
suppressed by the officers of the court. (As that is rather a hard
word, I will just explain to you how it was done. They had a large
canvas bag, which tied up at the mouth with strings: into this they
slipped the guinea-pig, head first, and then sat upon it.)
“I’m glad I’ve seen that done,” thought Alice. “I’ve so often
read in the newspapers, at the end of trials, ‘There was someread in the newspapers, at the end of trials, ‘There was some
attempt at applause, which was immediately suppressed by the
officers of the court,’ and I never understood what it meant till
now.”
“If that’s all you know about it, you may stand down,” continued
the King.
“I can’t go no lower,” said the Hatter: “I’m on the floor, as it
is.”
“Then you may sit down,” the King replied.
Here the other guinea-pig cheered, and was suppressed.
“Come, that finishes the guinea-pigs!” thought Alice. “Now we
shall get on better.”
“I’d rather finish my tea,” said the Hatter, with an anxious
look at the Queen, who was reading the list of singers.
“You may go,” said the King, and the Hatter hurriedly left the
court, without even waiting to put his shoes on.
“——and just take his head off outside,” the Queen added to one
of the officers; but the Hatter was out of sight before the officer
could get to the door.
“Call the next witness!” said the King.
The next witness was the Duchess’s cook. She carried the
pepper-box in her hand, and Alice guessed who it was, even before
she got into the court, by the way the people near the door began
sneezing all at once.
“Give your evidence,” said the King.
“Sha’n’t,” said the cook.
The King looked anxiously at the White Rabbit, who said, in a
low voice, “Your Majesty must cross-examine this witness.”
“Well, if I must, I must,” the King said with a melancholy air,
and, after folding his arms and frowning at the cook till his eyes
were nearly out of sight, he said, in a deep voice, “What are tarts
made of?”
“Pepper, mostly,” said the cook.
“Treacle,” said a sleepy voice behind her.
“Collar that Dormouse,” the Queen shrieked out. “Behead that
Dormouse! Turn that Dormouse out of court! Suppress him! Pinch him!
Off with his whiskers!”
For some minutes the whole court was in confusion, getting the
Dormouse turned out, and, by the time they had settled down again,
the cook had disappeared.
“Never mind!” said the King, with an air of great relief. “Callthe cook had disappeared.
“Never mind!” said the King, with an air of great relief. “Call
the next witness.” And, he added, in an under-tone to the Queen,
“Really, my dear, you must cross-examine the next witness. It quite
makes my forehead ache!”
Alice watched the White Rabbit as he fumbled over the list,
feeling very curious to see what the next witness would be like,
“—for they haven’t got much evidence yet,” she said to herself.
Imagine her surprise, when the White Rabbit read out, at the top of
his shrill little voice, the name “Alice!”“Here!” cried Alice, quite forgetting in the flurry of the
moment how large she had grown in the last few minutes, and she
jumped up in such a hurry that she tipped over the jury-box with
the edge of her skirt, upsetting all the jurymen on to the heads of
the crowd below, and there they lay sprawling about, reminding her
very much of a globe of gold-fish she had accidentally upset the
week before.
“Oh, I beg your pardon!” she exclaimed in a tone of great
dismay, and began picking them up again as quickly as she could,
for the accident of the gold-fish kept running in her head, and she
had a vague sort of idea that they must be collected at once and
put back into the jury-box, or they would die.
“The trial cannot proceed,” said the King, in a very grave
voice, “until all the jurymen are back in their proper places—all,”
he repeated with great emphasis, looking hard at Alice as he said
so.
Alice looked at the jury-box, and saw that, in her haste, she
had put the Lizard in head downwards, and the poor little thing was
waving its tail about in a melancholy way, being quite unable to
move. She soon got it out again, and put it right; “not that it
signifies much,” she said to herself; “I should think it would be
quite as much use in the trial one way up as the other.”
As soon as the jury had a little recovered from the shock of
being upset, and their slates and pencils had been found and handed
back to them, they set to work very diligently to write out a
history of the accident, all except the Lizard, who seemed too much
overcome to do anything but sit with its mouth open, gazing up into
the roof of the court.
“What do you know about this business?” the King said to
Alice.
“Nothing,” said Alice.
“Nothing whatever?” persisted the King.
“Nothing whatever,” said Alice.
“That’s very important,” the King said, turning to the jury.
They were just beginning to write this down on their slates, when
the White Rabbit interrupted: “Unimportant, your Majesty means, of