A telling story

I got to chapter 5 and got too frustrated to keep reading. I had trouble staying in this story and connecting. After reading some of the other reviews I can see I wasn't the only one who had some of the same issues. This is a great first draft, but the biggest issue I had was the lack of emotion in Vita's character. Instead of experiencing the story through the eyes and feelings of the character you are told everything happening as if it happened already instead of experiencing as the character in real time. Like having a play by play of your best friend's day. The dialogue was stilted and unnatural or just awkward at times. The concept is good but it needed fleshed out more. There needed to be personality to the other characters as from the vampire who stuck out because he was a vamp.

###

