text: Elle Marie Calhoun An Awakening Memory 
   
   
   The First Step 
   
   I awoke to an unfamiliar face leaning over me. I stared at him, confused; he then spoke to me in a husky unknown voice. “Marianna? Can you hear me?” he said. I stared at him and answered shortly. “Who’s Marianna?” I asked confused. He looked worried, and replied softly, “You’re Marianna.” “Seriously? I’m Marianna?” “Yes.” “Oh. Well, may I ask who you are?” “I’m Joseph, your well” He stuttered then continued. “Boyfriend.” “Boyfriend? Wouldn’t I remember you? Though, I don’t really remember anything. Why is that?” “You have amnesia, Marianna.” “Amnesia? How did this happen?” You were in a car crash.” “Oh my gosh, that’s terrible.” “I know. It’s a miracle you’re alive.” “Can you tell me more about the crash?” “I will, but right now just isn’t the time. I promise I will tell you though.” A doctor came in then, he wore a blue venal shirt under his white doctor’s coat and spoke in a heavy, justified voice. “I heard that Miss Carner has awoken. I need everybody out so I can give her a full rundown.” the doctor said. Joseph, still crouched at my hospital bed, lightly kissed my forehead and told me that he would be back as soon as he could. I watched as he left and just stared because all of the people leaving the room were completely unfamiliar. Having amnesia is going to really stink and already does.  
   
   “ You’re quite a survivor Miss Carner.”, the doctor said as he examined a huge knot on my head. “As I’ve heard. Do you mind telling me exactly what happened?” “Well, I don’t know everything, but I will tell you what I  do  know.” “Ok, but I have one more question before you tell me about the accident.” “Yes?” “How old am I?” “Eighteen.” I stared then replied, “Really? It doesn’t seem possible.” I shook my head a couple times with unbelief. A crooked smile appeared on his face as he simply took my blood pressure. “Age is a very unbelievable thing, dear. Something we can never get away from.” I sighed under my breath. “Well, anyhow you want to know about your accident, so I’ll tell you. It was May 27 th  around 8:00 PM. You were on your way to a friend’s house when you and a truck crashed headfirst. Neither of you saw each other. It was an intense crash. It’s amazing how you came out; only a broken wrist, a huge knot on your head, and scratches and bruises all over your body. The guy in the truck was not as lucky, though.” He looked away, sad. Right when he said, “broken wrist”, I finally noticed my left wrist. It was in a small cast around my whole wrist. “What happened to him?” I asked curiously. “He has a brain tumor, and cuts all over his body from the windows of his truck and parts of your own car. He’s in a coma as we speak. We thought you were in one for the longest time because you would never wake.” “What happened right after the crash?” He was sitting down now. I guess he was done examining me. “Hmmm I think someone saw the crash and called the police and here also. When the ambulance got there, you looked as you had seen a ghost; it was very terrifying. You looked so disturbed, like you had seen something disastrous. It’s a miracle you survived with all that happened. You were so shaken up that we had to give you sleeping pills just so you would lie down and sleep. We thought you might have gone into a coma also because you were so motionless and quiet. It turned out that you just lacked a lot of sleep. You were unconscious for about a day and a half. Today May 29 th , it’s 5:30 at night. You woke up not too long ago.” “Wow a lot has happened. Um do you think you can find out who the guy that reported the accident is?” “I can give it a try, but if I don’t have any luck, check with Chief Peters up at the Police Department. He’ll probably be of some help.” “Thanks Doctor- err I don’t know your name.” “It’s Singleton, Thomas Singleton. I thought I had told you.” “Thanks Doc. Singleton.” “You’re welcome, Marianna.” I watched as he walked out the door with his clipboard. Hmmm I probably should find out the name of the guy in the truck that could help also.  
   
   It was quiet for at least an hour until I heard a soft knocking on the door. Joseph walked straight to bed and just grinned at me. “Hey, I was just talking to Doc. Singleton and he said that you’ll probably be able to go home tomorrow. Isn’t that great?” he said smiling bigger. I smiled back. How could I forget such a wonderful person? “That’s awesome!” I said with excitement. “I was thinking maybe we could hang out tomorrow, what’d you think?” “That’d be great! I can get to know you, again. Maybe bring back some memories?” “And make some new ones.” For a while, we just stared into each other’s eyes. Only if I could remember my memories with him, everything would be better. That is my true desire. This really is terrible, not recognizing the people that love you most. “Oh, I almost forgot. I have something for you, Mari.” He went to a table with several flowers and gifts sat. “Mari?” I questioned as he picked up a small box and a large bouquet of beautiful, red roses. “Yeah, it’s your nickname, a lot of people call you that.” he replied as he walked back over to me. “Here you go.” he said with a smile as he laid the roses on my bed and placed the small box in my right palm. I laid the small box down for a second and picked up the bouquet of roses. “They’re beautiful, Joseph. Thank you.” “You’re welcome.” He smiled brightly as he eyed the small box out of the corner of his eye. I picked the small box up and what I saw surprised me. It was a beautiful emerald stone on one side and a stunning diamond on the other. In the middle hung a single, smoky gray bead; it was breathtaking. It's such a mesmerizing necklace. “Oh, Joseph it’s beautiful. Are the gems real?” “Yes.” “This must have cost you a fortune. You didn’t have to waste your money on me.” “It wasn’t a waste. You’re worth so much more. You can’t be bought. You mean the world to me; Marianna and I want you to always know that. The emerald is your birthstone and the diamond is mine, they symbolize us.” He grabbed my hand and just held it with both of his hands. He brought my hand to his cheek and held it there. I stared curiously like a small child at their first birthday as he closed his eyes and began to speak. “You are everything to me and always will be.” His voice was soft and felt like velvet. I didn’t feel a single urge to pull my hand away; it felt completely safe in his. I felt like I was in one of those vampire novels, what a weird feeling. He steadily moved my hand from his cheek as his eyes flashed open. I stared speechless at him as if he was an angel that had appeared from Heaven. He picked the necklace up and unhooked the latch. “Sit up and turn your back to Me.”, he told me in a low, gentle voice. I sat up and turned as he put the fascinating necklace around my neck. I turned back around so he could see. “Breathtaking.” “The necklace?” “No. You.” I felt my cheeks turn pink and started to look down. Suddenly he raises my chin up so I would be facing him. With one hand now on my back, he reached out with his other hand to lightly brush my cheek. He removed his hand from my cheek as he began to speak. “I have to go. I’ll see you soon”, he said lovingly. His hands moved to my shoulders as he affectionately kisses my cheek. I watch him leave, feeling alone, but I’m not completely alone. I have God watching over me.  
   
   “ Everything looks good. Miss Carner, you’re free to go.” A bright smile appeared on my face, I noticed a huge smile on Joseph’s face also. “Let us just get you checked out.” “I can take care of things Doc. Singleton.”, Joseph suggested. “Well ok let us get her a wheelchair though.” “Why do I need that, Doc. Singleton?” I asked with confusion. “Well… I guess you wouldn’t need one after all, but you do need this. It’s the papers saying that Marianna is free to go, signed by me.” Doc. Singleton handed papers to Joseph while the nurse came to take the IV out, such searing pain. I bit my lip extremely hard as she took it out and placed a band-aid over the spot. Joseph came to the bed and helped me out. I had lost some balance while being in that hospital bed. I had at first, until I almost fell, but Joseph caught me. Doc. Singleton had left, leaving Joseph and I alone. He walked me to the bathroom and gave me my clothes to change into. I changed quickly, ready to get out of here. I came out of the bathroom and there he was, his bright eyes shining. To love is something that can take time, but to love Joseph isn’t that hard.  
   
   
   
   Remember Me 
   
   “So where are we going?” I questioned as he drove away from the hospital. “To the river, I have a lot down there.” “What are we going to do there?” “You’ll see.” He turned to grin at me then looked back at the road. He drove wonderful, smooth, yet exhilarating. I felt my heart beat heavily in my chest, it rarely happened. I must be anxious for freedom and adventure. I watched Joseph, his eyes fixed on the road. He looked so concentrated, filled with persistence. For him to love me so much, we must have known each other a long time. I must have loved him also by the way he talks. Only if I knew more, maybe I’ll find more information at my house, wherever that is. Memories that are completely hidden in my mind, that urge to leak out, only if they would. It would be such a complicated life if I never do remember, so very dreadful. Living such a jumbled and confusing life that I would never understand. My life would never be the way it was, it would be depressing. That terrible night that changed everything forever. Only if I could go back and stop it from happening, wouldn’t that be wonderful? I sighed under my breath. I turned and realized that Joseph was looking at me. “We’re here.” I took a deep breath and hopped out of the truck. Maybe memories will come back. It’s a possibility. 
   
   
    The sight amazed me; it was beautiful. And yet I couldn’t remember anything. “What is it?” Joseph asked me. “Nothing. It’s just very beautiful, and I can’t believe I lost memory of such a beautiful place.” I replied solemnly. He grabbed my hand then. “C’mon. We got to get ready.” When we got there I saw a pretty large trailer. He went up and unlocked it and held the door open for me. I walked in and saw how nice it looked. He showed me in. Somehow I knew exactly where to look. I opened a cabinet and found a swimsuit and wetsuit. I held up the wetsuit and something hit me. My mind raced, I saw myself in that wetsuit on the back of a skidoo, holding on tightly to who was it? I concentrated harder. It was Joseph. I saw myself smile and lay my head against his back. I looked so happy right then. 
   
   “ Marianna, are you okay?” I heard Joseph say to me. I opened my eyes to see that I had dropped the wetsuit. And picked it back up and looked at Joseph. “Uh, yeah fine. I’ll just go get changed.” Right then, it was like a huge surge had come over me. I was sucked up into the past. Into a flashback I had no recollection of. It was strange, seeing something inside my mind, when my mind feels empty of any information whatsoever.  
   
   Later that night, I sat on the dock sitting by Joseph, his arm around me while my head rested on his chest. “Do you have a good time today?” he asked me. “Yes.”, I replied closing my eyes to take in the moment. “Good.”, he said then lifting my face up to his. He looked into my eyes then, his brown eyes big and dreamy. He kissed me then, his lips warm against mine. I then closed my eyes and began to see another memory… I was in library and reading a book, Joseph was walking toward me and stumbled into me knocking my book right out of my hand. “I am so sorry.” he said, picking my book up and handing it back to me. “It’s okay.” I said to him. He stood there for a second then began to speak, “Can I buy you a coffee and we can talk, about you?” “Yeah, I’d really like that.” I opened my eyes then. He lifted away from me and spoke, “Did you just have a flashback?” “Yeah, I think it was when we first met. Something about when you kissed me, the memory came back.” “I remember that day, you were wearing your glasses and your brown hair curled, pulled into a side ponytail. Your eyes sparkled and your smile was bright.” he replied, smiling. “You really love me don’t you?” “There was never a doubt in my mind that you were the one for me, Marianna.” “Kiss me.” That was one of the best nights since I have lost my memory; I now have this memory locked in my heart. 
   
   “ Will you be taking me home?” I asked. “We usually just stay in the camper, there’s a bed and a pull-out couch. I always let you have the bed, though.” he says, walking into the camper. “Well that’s sweet of you.” I said, walking in behind him. “You go ahead to bed and if you need me, just call.” He kissed me then and told me goodnight. 
   
   My mind whirled with memories. Mostly blurred, one discrete memory stayed in my mind. I kept seeing a shadowy figure in my mind over and over. My heart raced and I tossed and turned in the bed and finally screamed. I heard Joseph rush to me and spoke, “Are you okay?” “I…I don’t know.” I replied. “Would you feel better if I stay with you for tonight?” “I think so.” “Okay. Now, try and go back to sleep. I’ll be here beside you.” he said laying beside me and wrapping his arm around me, holding me close. I slept better then; somehow he was keeping the nightmare away, making me feel safe. 
   
   
   I woke up in a dreamy haze, smelling the sweet essence of bacon. I crawl out of the bed and walk into the kitchen where Joseph is standing, his golden brown hair, tussled over his head. He turned and looked at me then. “Did you sleep good?” “Yeah, actually.”, I said, walking toward him. “Yeah, I noticed you didn’t have any more nightmares.” “Yeah, I didn’t. I think it was because you were there.” He walked to the table and laid two plates and the platter of bacon and toast down. I sat down and he sat opposite of me. “If you don’t mind me asking, what was the nightmare about.”, he said grabbing a couple pieces of bacon. “It was a shadowy figure over and over coming toward me, running after me. I feel like it’s from that night. It just haunts my memory and frightens me. If only I could see the actual face, I could know who hurt me that night.” “It’s strange, there’s got to be a way to improve your memory of that night. We need to go to the scene of the crime.” “Are you sure it’s safe?” “It’s our best chance, Mari. We have to find out who caused this.” I remember how the doctor said that when they found me, I looked as I had seen a ghost. What could it have been that I had seen?” “Hmm…I guess we’ll just have to find out.” “So we’re leaving? Yes, yes we are.” 
   
     
   
   
   
   Memories 
   
    “There may be something that the police missed when they checked the place out. It may also jog your memory being there.” Joseph says while driving. “Are you sure about this? It is a highway, with cars.” I said. “Mari, nobody drives around there anymore. It’s usually secluded. We’ll be fine.” “Okay.” “We’re just going to park on the side of the road and look around. Just don’t worry, we’ll figure this all out. I promise.” “Are we almost there?” “About a mile away.” I let out a breath, I hadn’t even realized that I was holding it. I worried about what will happen when I confront this memory. But I have to find out what happened that night and why I can’t remember anything including my name.  
   
   
   I walked out of the car once he opened it for me. He was right, the place was deserted. Why would I have been here? “So anything?” Joseph says, walking beside me. “Not yet. I think we need to walk around some.” I say. I walk near the edge of the road, there’s a bridge. Water flows loudly and I feel Joseph’s arms around me immediately. “Be careful, you don’t want to fall.” “I was just looking. I have this weird sense of déjà vu.” I walked away then toward the road, looking past everything and concentrating. As I walked, the sense got stronger, like I was reaching some strange void. If I could break that void, I could find out what happened that night. And then it happened, the void broke and I was there that night. It wasn’t clear quite yet but it was close enough to understand. I looked and saw myself in the car then I saw what should have caught my attention right away. There was a shadowy figure near the bridge, it was as I could see through it. That is what distracted me, which is what caused me to even crash. Without thinking, I run toward the figure. But when I get there, the figure disappears and the face of the figure from dreams returns and I scream. “Marianna?!! Wake up? Are you okay?” Joseph says, trying to wake me up. “What…What happened?” I ask, sitting up. “You lit up in a high scream then fainted. What happened?” “I broke the void. I saw what distracted me. But if I tell you what it was, you may not believe me.” “Well… I think it might have been like a ghost.” “A ghost, specter, something. The memory is still a bit unclear, but I know the face. I couldn’t forget that face.” 
   
   
    “We need to find out who made the call to the ambulance and who the driver of that truck was. I think if we find that out, it can help us.” I say, when we’re back in the car. “You’re right, if we could get more information, we may be able to solve exactly what happened that night. Ghost or not.” Joseph says. “Are you sure about all this? I mean I just had a memory that literally knocked me off my feet. Do you think this is safe?” “Mari, listen, I won’t let you get hurt, I promise. We need to find out what happened and why you were out here. It’s in the middle of nowhere.” “Yeah, I know, it doesn’t make any sense. I was apparently going to someone’s house but that still makes no sense. None of this makes this, well except you.” “At least, you have that. Now we need to go.” 
   
   
   
   Publication Date: October 28th 2015 https://www.bookrix.com/-ellemarie96