text: Shelby Alexander FlashBacks 
   
   
     
   Not So Perfect 
  1. 
  October 15, 2007 
  	She sat staring with her empty eyes out of the window into an empty world. Flashes from the cameras showing her beaten face, bloody clothes and bed sheets; also the three inch slash on her throat. The hotel room was in disarray. Tables knocked over, clothes and papers scattered throughout the room, blood spatter on the windows and bloody finger prints on the door handle. The bathroom also what a disaster and had the feeling of the terror that happened there. The mirror was broken with dry blood coming down, the bathtub was littered with bloody palm and shoe prints and the curtains were pulled off their holders leaving the crime scene finished. The investigators picked up all the evidence, put the body in a body bag and took her and the crime scene to the lab for testing. The hotel was one of the best in town and now that there had been homicide in it the news would pick it dry and after all her time and effort trying to become famous this surely did it. It was all over the news and of course they had all their own theories. 
  	Meanwhile, he lies there looking at the ceiling, cheating wife in a hotel room with a man he doesn’t even know. He deserved it, he knew. He was never home, work always kept him late. She deserved someone better. If he wouldn’t have taken on this case, if only he had spent more time with her maybe he could have saved his marriage. He couldn’t take the force of his thoughts anymore. He walked to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. He saw himself going for the gun in his belt and put it too his throat and pulled the trigger. Taking a glimpse at the cold hard world he left behind. 
  	2. 
  October 15, 2004 
  	Walking down Main Street holding her boyfriends hand, her long blonde hair flying over her shoulders as if the breeze was always making her seem like she was on a run way. There was no doubt of her beauty, long blonde hair, hazel eyes a body any woman can dream of and of course she was dating a model. He had black hair, green eyes, some scruff and a six-pack. He was also funny and sweet but for some reason she couldn’t fall in love with him. There was always someone one else on her mind. Sean. He treated her like she should be treated but they broke up. Before she started thinking too hard about this some man ran into her right arm. He turned and gave her a dirty look. 
  “Sod off!.” The man said with an English accent.  
  “Hey man this isn’t London, you can’t just run into a lady and get an attitude!” Damien said. He was getting red at the face and looked as if he were going to start stuff with this guy. 
  “Just leave it babe.” Carol said grabbing his arm. 
  “Can you believe that jack ass?” Damien said looking back over his shoulder. 
  “Just leave it. Look! Let’s go into Starbucks and get a coffee and then go home.” Carol replied. 
  “Sure.” Damien muttered. 
  	He pushed the door open and they walked to the counter. Damien was ordering for her of course.  He  always did everything for her, like she was a child. She looked over her shoulder and there he was. His brown hair, with the prettiest baby blue eyes, a smile that could kill and the perfect olive skin tone. She looked away, thinking she was imagining all of this and looked back. He was gone.  
  “Here.” Damien said. 
  “Oh, uh, thanks.” She said. 
  	Damien looked at her a bit worried but she smiled and he grabbed her around the waist and led her out the door; the sign saying “Come Back Soon!” and the bell ringing them a goodbye. 
  3. 
  	Sean ran out of that Starbucks door like someone was chasing him with a knife. He couldn’t believe that he saw her, what were the chances? They came from the same small town and wound up in the same big city. Was this fate or was this the idea of some bad joke? He got to his apartment and sat on the couch. He couldn’t believe it. So many years of trying to chase her down and this is how they meet and this is how he reacts, running away like a chicken? She had a boyfriend so there was no chance he would ever be able to see her. After all these years he still had hope. How pathetic? 
  4.   
  	Sex wasn’t great that night. Her mind had been preoccupied by the thought of seeing Sean again. She felt kind of bad, Damien was so great to her but he was a bit over protective. He had never been over protective. He let her do her own thing and not push her out of doors or told of men who checked her out or gave her a dirty look. She saw Sean in the most ordinary place. When did he move here? It’s been what four or five years since they last seen eachother? She broke up with him back in high school so she could “focus on herself and become an actress.” looking back now that excuse was so ridiculous. She did, however, push him from her mind when she was taking casting calls and “falling in love” with Damien. Then on a day like today she was going through some old stuff and found some pictures and notes from when they were together. Being reminded of that she opened her bedside drawer and pulled out a note and read: 
  Beautiful,  
  People may say I’m too young to know what love is but darling you are the one for me. I know it with my heart and soul and I love you so much. You are on my mind every second of everyday and I hope you realize you mean the world to me. I wish and hope I can spend the rest of my life with you. 
  Love,  
  Sean 
  P.S. I can’t wait to see your beautiful face when class is over! 
  When she got done reading it she smiled to herself. He was so corny but she knew he loved her. She wondered if he still felt the same way or if he had moved on. She laid back in bed and the last though she had before drifting off to sleep was how she wanted him to be lying next to her. 
  Early the next morning she had woken up to the smell of pancakes and coffee. Damien had fixed her breakfast in bed, she smiled and took the tray and ate the food on it. He kept looking at her with a huge grin on his face. He took the tray and did the dishes, she got out of bed and walked over to the refrigerator and got a glass of orange juice when she turned around Damien was on one knee with a ring in his hand. 
  “Carol I love you, will you marry me?” He said smiling. She stood there in shock and his smile slowly faded.  
  “I have to go for a walk.” She said and got up walking to the room and put on her shoes. She didn’t even hear what he was saying as she was walking out of the front door. 
  5.  
  He woke up to his alarm clock bursting into life at 5:30 in the morning. He turned it off, rolled out of bed and walked to the kitchen to get his early morning fix of coffee. He sat in his rocking chair for about five minutes before getting up and getting ready for work. He pulled off his boxers and got into the shower. When he got out he got a fresh pair of boxers, put his black pants and then his black undershirt on. Then he put his police shirt over under shirt and buttoned it up. He went back into the living room to finish his cup of coffee. He wondered if she was dreaming about him and what she was doing right now. He wished he had been able to be the one who lays next to her every morning, waking up to her beautiful face. Did she still hold onto him? Or had she let go? He held on for so long how could she let go? He went back in his room pulled on some socks and put his shoes on. He checked himself in the mirror and left for work, his thoughts traveling with him. 
  6. 
  It was a cool morning as she walked to the nearby Seven Eleven. How could he propose now? Didn’t he sense that she was in love with someone else? How could he not? Sean was the only thought that consumed her mind lately. She walked into the door and the bell greeted her. The cashier smiled at her as she passed. She went to the coffee machine ripped open two sugar packets and the bell rang greeting someone else. She was too distracted to pay attention until she her someone yelled. “Nobody move!.” 
  7. 
  He was driving past the Seven Eleven. He wanted to get this day over with; all he did was sit at the front desk anyways. It was quite boring and uneventful. He was sort of hungry and so he turned around in the next parking lot and went back to go get some donuts. 
  8.  
  “Everybody…” said the gunman smiling. “Get on the fucking ground.” She followed the orders. “Oh no pretty, you’re going to be close to me” He walked over to her and pulled her up by her  hair and dragged her to the front of the store. “Don’t even thinking about pushing the emergency button either.” He said to the cashier. “ 
  People were crying and the cashier looked frightened. The gun man continued to look at the cashier “You know what to do, GIVE ME ALL YOUR FUCKING MONEY!” he yelled.  
  “Please sir, I have a little boy at home.” The cashier said. 
  “Well if he doesn’t want to see his mommy with her head blown off I suggest you give me all your money.” He said. 
  She knew that he just needed money and she had to distract him from everyone else. “Hey sir.” She said standing up. 
  “Get back down on the ground.” He said. 
  “Sir, you are a pathetic excuse for a human.” She said and spat on him. She didn’t know what happened after than but when she opened her eyes there was blood everywhere. She saw someone bleeding to her right and grabbing their arm. It was him. He looked at her. 
  “Hey you.” He said smiling. 
  “You’re.. shot..” She said. 
  “Well, yeah.” He replied and then fainted. 
  9.  
  Questioning took all day, twelve hours. She was worried about him so she headed off to the hospital. This was defiantly NOT the way she wanted to meet him again. Her first words were “you’re shot”. She got to the hospital and parked then went to the main lobby. What was she going to say?  
  “Hi can you tell me where I can find Sean Murray? She asked. 
  The secretary smacked her gum and said “Hold on.” She picked up the phone and dialed a two digit number. Carol zoned out. Was he alright? Could she see him? Then she came back to reality. 
  “Who are you?” The secretary said.  
  “Carol.” She replied. The secretary went back to talking on the phone and then after about a minute she said. 
  “A doctor will be right down.” 
  “Okay” she said. How was it that easy? 
  The doctor came down and told her to follow him. They went up the elevator to floor 12. 
  “Your boyfriend…” he started. She looked at him surprised. Boyfriend? “got shot in his left arm. It didn’t cause any major problems. He lost a lot of blood but it’s alright. He is going to have to do some rehab. He’s awake right now if you want to see him.” He said. 
  “Yes, I would love to see him.” She replied. They walked into the room. He was lying there with bandagas on his arm. 
  “I’ll leave you two alone. You have 30 minutes.” The doctor said leaving 
  She sat on his right side and looked at him. They just sat staring at eachother for the longest time. God his eyes were beautiful. Finally, she broke the silence. 
  “How are you?”she asked. 
  “Well… I feel like I just got shot in the arm.” He said smiling which made her smile. How was it still so easy to make her smile? “So, how are you?” he asked back. 
  “Hmm, I got a gun pulled on me... that was major fun… I saw you again and now… I’m a bit confused.” She said. 
  “Confused?” he asked. 
  “Girlfriend?” she said. 
  “Uh… well I thought that was the only way they would let you come see me.” He replied. 
  “Well yeah… it did.” She said. 
  They sat in silence. God was she beautiful. He wondered if he could touch her. Just for a second. He wanted to tell her he loved her. 
  “Carol…”  
  “yes?” 
  “I… missed you..” 
  “I’m sitting right here.” She said and looked away. Her heart was beating twenty thousand miles per hour. She grabbed his hand. “I missed you too.” 
  “Carol… another thing.” 
  “mhmm.” 
  “I…” he started and the doctor walked in. She jerked her hand away. 
  It’s time to leave.” The doctor said. Why in the most inconvenient times do doctors have to be in the picture? He wanted to scream. She got up and looked at him. 
  “I’ll visit you tomorrow. I promise.” She said and he smiled. 
  “I would love that.” He said. She walked out of the door and he knew she wanted him to say it. 
  10.  
  The day was beautiful and the birds were singing. She was in a carriage with her dad. Her wedding dress was white and sleek. She was scared and anxious. She didn’t know if this was the right decision. What if she was making the wrong choice? What if she… she cut that thought off. She loved him and she knew he would treat her good. It’s too late to get cold feet now.  
  “Are you ready?” Her father asked. 
  “Yeah…” She said. Her wedding song came on and she walked down the gravel walk. The place was a mansion with vines growing on the outside. He was standing under a canopy in the garden of the place. The vines with flowers dangling down were almost touching his head. She had to stop herself from giggling. 
  Then everything began to fade, colors ran together. She dazed out and everything didn’t come back into focus until she was looking into his baby blue eyes.  
  11.  
  	The mornings were hectic. Get up early, make coffee, get Carol up, jump in the shower, make love, get dressed and then go to work. She stayed at home writing her book about her perfect relationship with the perfect man. Well, at least that’s what used to happen. That all stopped after a year and a half of marriage. He got promoted in his job and was taking  night college courses to be a defense attorney. They never had time for each other. He knew he wasn’t treating her the way she should be treated but he also knew she would stay around, she loved him.  
  Little did he know, she has been talking to men in an online chat room. For an almost detective he didn’t notice anything. She met this guy three months ago and has talked to him on her phone every night since then. Tomorrow she was meeting him, she would see how everything goes and she would leave her “perfect” husband. Nothing was perfect and she regretted even marrying the man.  
  12. 
  	That morning they got into a huge fight and he stormed out. She left two hours later to meet the man of her dreams. When she saw him, he smiled and grabbed her around the waist and kissed her. She had never been kissed that way, with such passion and with such aggression. He pulled out a hotel key and they walked hand in hand towards it.  
  	He come home later that day to apologize, he found she wasn’t there. He walked passed the computer, that was still on. He didn’t find her draft of the book but instant messages coming from some guy with the screen name Cereal_Killer_1963. He automatically became very jealous. He then ran out the door and into his car and rushed to the police station.  
  	When they got into the hotel room the guy walked in first. She smiled until he turned around with a knife. She screamed and he slammed the door. She ran into the bathroom and he followed smiling. He pulled a rag out and she fell into the bathtub. He picked her up by her hair and slammed her head into the mirror. He put the rag over her mouth and said. “Ever since the day you ran into me, I’ve been stalking you. You’re so gorgeous.” Then he slipped his hand under the skirt she was wearing. 
  	He tracked all the phone calls and all the instant messages and  then headed off to the hotel he rented. When he got there, he showed his badge and they lead him to the room. When they opened the door and he saw what was inside he lost all consciousness.  
  13. 
  	The man with the soothing English accent walked down the sidewalk and then saw a couple walking on the other side. He hurried, crossed the street and bumped into her. “Sod off.” He said and then got into his car. 
  The Truth Lies Within 
  	What could she have possibly done wrong? She did the best she could trying to make her mom love her.. Even tried making her treat her with the tiniest bit of respect . I guess you can say she failed at everything, in her mothers eyes. She knew she wasn't wanted. Although she got straight A's, stayed out of trouble, didn't run around being a tramp and defiantly didn't do drugs. She was the ideal daughter, where did she go wrong? Obviously she was a mistake. Maybe she wasn't wanted in the first place. Maybe she didn't want to live being that kind of mistake. Maybe if she just fell asleep she wouldn't wake up…. What the hell? She was thinking about suicide when she knew she could be so much better than her mother. She could surpass everyone's expectations. She could become great. Keeping her mind on that one positive thought she feel asleep. 
  	She woke up in a much better mood. She jumped in the shower , got dressed and did her hair. Walked out the door and went to her bus stop. Today was going to be a great day she thought. Just then a girl her age walked up to her. 
  	"Hey nerd." the girl said. 
  	She didn't reply. Nothing, absolutely nothing was going to bring her down today. Today was going to be a great day, today was going to be a great day she kept repeating. 
  	"Hey bitch did you hear me?" the girl said. 
  	She paused for a second. Was she going to stick up for herself or was she going to be a cowering dog in the corner being beat by its owner. She had made up her mind. 
  "	You know what I'm so sick of your fucking shit. Get the fuck over yourself!" She yelled and stormed off. 
  	She walked away feeling so much better. So what if she was going to walk to school? So what if she was going to be a little late? She could face the consequences later. Every step she took a little more courage rose up. How could she have let people push her around for so long? She had a voice and she was going to use it. As she walked up the schools front lawn she began to realize what she was going to be from now on.  
  	When she walked down the hallway people seemed to sense the strange happening inside of her. No one made fun of her, no one tried tripping her. It was like she was invincible. For the first time in her life she didn't feel like the outcast. She felt as if she belong but, was that really what she wanted? Did she want to belong? Would she miss being the individual who was loved by none? She shook that thought from her head as she sat in her seat in the front of the classroom. The teacher began but just as she started she ended. The intercom came on. The principle sounded as if he were in a dead panic. 
  	"CODE RED, CODE RED…." He started and then you heard a bang.. The intercom went off and everyone sat staring in fear.. Just then they heard the familiar click from above. 
  	"Everyone stay in the classroom, I will be hanging around for a little while. If you do decide to leave, lets just put it this way. The last think you will see is the front door.."  
  	What were they going to do? He can't shoot us all at once can he? Maybe he has a bomb. You saw panic spread through out the class room. The teacher decided to barricade the door with her desk. They could escape through the windows someone said five minutes before that, but still no one knew what to do with themselves. What if he was going classroom to classroom?? That would mean they would be one of the last ones. What was he going to do with the victims? Obviously shoot them, but.. Just then they heard gunshots. Had someone tried escaping she thought? People were scampering down the hallway.. It was time to make their move.. Some people moved the desk and ran out of the door others were trying to open the window wide enough to jump out. 
  	She was one of the ones who went out the door. Her mind was racing like a car driving 5,000 miles per hour. She could not remember the layout of her school. She was running and running. Bumping into people as she went. Just then the got pushed into one of the classroom doorways. She fell to her knees. At least the sounds of the gun being shot had ceased. What a stupid thought, that doesn't mean that the gunman still wasn't going to kill people. She got up, but she as she was sure footed some one grabbed her from behind.  
  	Her eyes were closed and there was darkness she opened her eyes and there was darkness.. She tried screaming but she felt something in her mouth. Her hands and feet were tied to a desk she couldn't do anything or go anywhere. She could just lay there and die.. What did she do to deserve this? She felt tears come out but they didn't roll down her face. They soaked into the cloth wrapped around her eyes. She heard footsteps above her. They took a cloth and patted it the side of her face. It stung. He took the cloth out of her mouth.  
  	"Don't scream." He said gently. 
  	She didn't scream. She laid there scared to say one word that might trigger him to shoot her.. She didn't want to die.. As much as she wanted to the night before, many nights before, she would've never been able to go through with it. She wondered if there was anyone else in this room.. Then she remembered reading something about people who shoot up schools.. They do it for a reason. Fear, anger, or because they were just plan crazy. Maybe if she talked to him, told him her name he would let her go. It was worth a shot. If he was crazy she had no chance of survival anyways…Before she could open her mouth he put duct tape over it. He took the blind fold off and she saw him.  
  	He had jet black hair with cold grey eyes and was wearing all black with combat boots. He looked like the type of guy you would see and not think twice about. He didn't look crazy but scared. More than scared frightened. He started pacing the room. She tried getting loose but it seemed every time she thought she had escaped the rope, it kept getting tighter. She looked around the room no one else was there. Was she maybe his one target, but why? She was the least popular girl in school no one would be sad if she were to die in this classroom. He froze, looked at me, shook his head and proceeded to pace the floor. Her wrist squeezed through. All she had to do was get her legs free.. 
  	She reached forward, tried reaching for the knot that tied her legs together. She chanced a glance at him. A frightened expression came upon her face. The guy was looking at her, he saw her get free. The look on his face was a mixture of amusement and annoyance. He slowly walked towards her, grabbed the top of her head and bent down. She was forced to look into his grey, cold eyes.  
  	He said. "I wouldn't have hurt you, but you left me no choice." He grabbed a chunk of hair, and slammed her head against the desk.  
  	When she woke up there he was sitting on a desk. He had sweat beads running down his forehead and when she stirred he looked up. He had a huge grin on his face, but he still looked scared. The gun was sitting in his lap, his hand around the trigger. He cleared his throat. 
  	"Good morning sunshine... or should I say... later in the afternoon… Did you have a good… nap?" He said and walked towards her. 
  	She had blood dripping on the side of her face, a cloth was around her mouth and she looked terrified. He touched her face and whispered. "Everything is going to be okay, I won't hurt you."  
  	There was fear in her eyes as she looked up at him. Why was he doing this? What did he want from her? He walked back over to the window. 
  	"They've been out there for hours; I think they are starting to lose hope. Or maybe they don't think anyone is in here, which is good for us. I have big plans for you." He said turning his face so she can see him wink at her. Just then a gush of air filled the closed off room. All you heard was breaking glass and thuds in the man's body. He flew a couple of inches and fell to the ground with a light thump. His head angled to the side so she can look into the man's cold, dead eyes.  
  	Everything else just whizzed by. People were grabbing her, putting her into an ambulance and her being in the hospital. She also passed out, which scared everyone. There was nothing wrong with her besides a mild concussion.  
  ----------------------------------- 
  	A couple months after the shooting, everything was back to almost normal. Actually things were abnormal. Her mother had become really nice doing everything she wanted. It was as if her mother felt sorry. Maybe she did love her that was possibly true.  
  	School had become one of two things; a walk down a horrible cream filled memory lane or a walk in the most beautiful park you ever laid eyes on. Either way, people were nice and helpful. Everyone seemed to want to be friends.  
  	How her life had changed since that day. What people didn't know didn't hurt them right? She had dreams about those eyes… Those, gray… cold… eyes… He killed her every time. Was that survivor's guilt? He had said something, even if she was a bit delirious… He had something planned for her. What was it? 
  She knew whose eyes those were… She couldn't quite put her finger on it. So she laid in bed thinking, waiting for the answers. Her eyes were closed; a breeze flowed into the room and hit her face. Before she could open her eyes, a hand was drawn over her mouth.  
  ----------------------------------- 
  30 years prior 
  	A boy of around the age of 12 is sitting on his bed, feet dangling off the edge of the twin sized bed. His head is down, his eyes are closed and it seems like he is in deep thought. The room is littered with notebook paper and weird drawings. The boy suddenly jerks his head up. His eyes are all white, but slowly color fades back into them. His bedroom door violently bursts open and his father appears, stumbling and drunken. His mother is a little ways behind his father, cowering in fear like she knows exactly what is going to happen.  
  "I told you boy, not do draw anymore pictures like this." He stammers and goes to grab some papers but stumbles and trips. 
  	His father sits there for a moment but gets back up, looking a little disoriented. He turns around faces his son. The boy is not looking scared nor like anything bad is going to happen; but his dad reaches back, handful of fist. 
  	Time freezes, everything is still everything except the boy. His eyes are gray and they show no emotion. Sitting next to him is a man. He's wearing a suit, red tie he looks professional like.  
  	"I told you, if you keep drawing. If you keep thinking the way you do. Everything is going to be alright." He said. "I have big plans for you." 
  	When the boy wakes up, he is sweating and looks very scared. He has a black eye. 
  ----------------------------------- 
  15 years prior 
  	Alarm clock rings to life. He sits up feet planted on the ground off the edge of his bed. He head is down. Again with the dreams of a man in a suit telling him he has big plans, so much for big. He has a desk job at some big shot attorney's office. What he does have though is a wife and a baby on the way. He lifts his head up and looks at his wife asleep on the other side of the bed. He stands, walks to the bathroom, takes a shower and gets dressed. He kisses his wife's forehead, leaves a note on the bedside table that he loves her and heads out the door.  
  	Traffic was horrible and he was late for work, again. The boss man finally had enough of his tardiness and walked into his little office area.  
  	" You have.." the man started.  
  	Time froze yet again, and there was the man in the suit. The man sat on the desk looking a little amused.  
  	"You're getting fired, your wife is leaving you and when you wake you will be alone in a small padded room and I have plans for you, big plans." The man in the suit says. 
  	He wakes up in a small area. A padded room, straight jacket he looks around the room scared. 
  	"What the hell is going on?" he said aloud 
  ----------------------------------- 
  The day before the shooting 
  	He's been in this metal hospital for 15 years, not remembering what he did. A paper from 20 years ago stated that he had murdered that big shot attorney. Plead insane and won. Now he resided in this metal institution. He was crazy now no doubt. Not remembering murdering someone and not remember his wife leaving him. Just remembering some man popping out of nowhere telling him he had big plans. What were the big plans? What did he have to do? He was going insane. He ran at the door of the cell and screamed. Security guards came around the corner holding knight sticks. Time froze; the man in the suit was sitting on the cot.  
  	"Nice place you have here" the man said smiling. 
  	"What. Do. You. Want. From. Me?" he said slowly and angrily.  
  	"I've told you since you were a little boy, I have big plans for you." The man said still smiling. 
  	"What are you? What do you want? How do you do this? What's going on? What are the big plans?" he said so fast he had to catch his breath after he said it.  
  	"I am person from the past, and someone from the future. I have big plans for you, you might not like how this is going to end but it has to be you. Your daughter is in school, she has the same gift as you. She just doesn't realize it. All you have to do is go shoot up her school." The man explained. 
  	"My daughter? What gift? What are you doing to her??" he said moving towards that man. 
  	"You'll realize everything when the time is right." The man said walking towards him. He touched his head and he woke in an alley way. An alley way in his old town. 	 
  	Everything became clear, everything he was supposed to do. He walked down the alley way and into the local high school. 
  ----------------------------------- 
  	She woke up in bed, with a husband and a baby in the baby bed against the wall. She was a little confused but then she saw the man the day she was held hostage with the day of the school shooting. He looked so familiar, who was he!?  
  	“One day, everything will all make sense.” He said in a whisper. He walked over to the baby bed and touched the babies head. 
  	“Who are you!?” she screamed. Her husband rolled over but didn’t wake up. 
  	“I have big plans for you.” He said and disappeared. 
  	What was going on? She ran over to the baby bed and there was a picture of an eye and under it, in a different language it read. “He is watching you.”  
  	Time froze and the man with gray eyes was behind her and then that white flash he knew all too well and she was in a mental institution. Then another white flash, and she was in an alley way. She was following the same course he was. Then when she was holding her baby daughter hostage she came to realize what was going to happen. She was going to die for all the wrong doings that her family imposed on a gypsy family two hundred years ago. Like all her fathers before her, she was killed like the bad guy her ancestors were and she did so peacefully. Like father, like daughter.  
  And If 
  1.  
  	Rhonda could not believe what she was hearing. Her girlfriend of almost a year and a half was breaking up with her. She stood staring out the window with her back to Anna. Anna had her eyes on Rhonda’s profile. She was in love with her but if her parents ever found out.  If she did not repent for the sins she had been committing for the last year.   
  	Rhonda turned around, face straight with no emotion. She sat next Anna and grabbed her hand. “Are you sure this is what you want?” she asked. 
  	“You just can’t understand what I’m going through.” Anna said. 
  	“And obviously holding your beliefs higher than your feelings is so easy to understand.” She said raising her voice. “You never loved me, not really. All the time we spent together. All the laughs and all the joy.” She cut off. Alice was crying and looking at the ground. 
  	“I’m sorry. I just… I just can’t do this.. Not to my family.. So please.. Before… I change my mind.. Leave.” She said, looking very intently at the ground.  
  	Rhonda stood up and walked over towards the cracked door. “You are a selfish bitch. I can’t believe I ever fell in love with such a…” She cut off, shook her head and then walked out of the door.  
  	Anna stopped looking at the ground and stood up. She looked at the girl sitting on the bed. So stubborn, not giving into the love she felt for Rhonda. She had to change this. She started for the door Rhonda just walked out of, finding that when she opened it there was nothing but a bright white light. 
  2. 
  	She opened her eyes. Anna had her head against the wall and was looking at the small yellow room. A single bed, a picture of Jesus and a desk with a cross on it. She was trapped at the St. Nicolas Asylum. Her parents had found out about Rhonda from the last argument they had so they sent her to this place to get cured.  
  	Someone knocked on the door and entered. “Hello Anna, Are you ready to see Dr. Carlsten?” the nun asked.  
  	Anna didn’t say anything so the nun walked out of the room and walked back in with a man who then picked her up and walked her down the hallway towards the doctors office. There was a large dark Maple wood desk with papers and a calendar on it. Above the desk was a painting of Mother Mary and to the left of the door there was a book case. They sat her down in one of the chairs. She waited, thinking then the doctor came in with a dangling cross around his neck.  
  	“Hello Anna.” He said sitting at his desk. He put his hands together and looked at her. “We will begin our session praying.” He bowed his head, she sat staring at him. “Now, let start out with talking about how you and Wanda-” he started saying. 
  	“Rhonda.” she said glaring at him. 
  	“Yes. Rhonda. Now lets talk about how you guys first met.” He said.  
  3. 
  	It was August of 1964, Anna was starting her first day of her junior year. She rolled up in her blue Buick. She walked over to all her friends, they were staring and gossiping about the new girl. She was all alone, sitting and smoking a cigarette. Something about her was appealing. Something in the way she sat there so confident. She was wearing jeans, tan boots and a very colorful shirt. She was definitely in the wrong town. This town was very conservative. Girls wore dresses and didn’t talk to boys unless they were in class. Breaking away from the gabbing girls, she walked over to this new girl.  
  	“Hello, I’m Anna. Are you new here?” Anna said holding out her hand. The girl just looked at her, took another drag of her cigarette and said “You don’t have to be nice to me. I’m not like you.”  
  	Anna didn’t know if she wanted to be offended or say something else so she said “Well, if you’re looking for a friend, I’ll be around.” She turned around and walked away.  
  	“Does it look like I need a friend?” Rhonda said smiling. Instead of just walking away, she threw and attitude. She liked her girls feisty.   
  	Rhonda had been kicked out of every school she has attended. Her and her family had moved around the country trying to find a place to stay. She gave this town three months. 
  	After school was over she got into her Chevy Impala and drove over to the local diner. She got out sat on the hood of her car and lit up another cigarette. She laid down and looked up at the clouds. She didn’t notice Anna walking by shaking her head.  
  	What a freak Anna thought. Yet she couldn’t help but admire her courage. Coming into a new town and being the same person. She wouldn’t be able to do that, not with her family. She put on her apron, tucked in her notepad and went to go take orders. Rhonda walked in with a cocky stride, walked passed Anna and leaned by her. “I might need a friend tonight.” She said flirty then walked away and sat in a booth. She loved flirting with the religious, good two shoes. It never got anywhere but it was fun seeing them squirm.  
  	Anna blushed, shook her head and walked in the back and sighed. What was going on with her. A girl whispered in her ear and she blushed and got butterflies in her stomach. She shook any of those thoughts out of her mind and got back to work. She walked over to Rhonda’s table. 
  	“Can I, Uh, take your, uh, Order.” She asked. 
  	“Are you usually this nervous?” Rhonda said not looking up from the menu.  
  	“No, sorry. Our special today is chowder.” she said looking at the notepad. 
  	“What do you recommend beautiful?” she asked looking at Anna. Anna turned a rather red shade and said something about a breakfast food. “Well, order what you think I’ll like.” Rhonda said and looked away from Anna. Oh god she blushed she thought.  
  	Anna came out with Rhonda’s food, handed it to her and that was the last thing they said to each other for a couple of weeks.  
  	4. 
  	When Anna opened her eyes the doctor looked at her. They had been sitting there in silence for forty-five minutes. The doctor got up and knelt down beside her. “We will cure you little girl.” he said through clenched teeth and then picked her up by her arm.  
  	He hadn’t failed yet at curing a homosexual. He made sure she was locked in her room and then went down to the main office to see her parents. He never understood why anyone would go against the Lord and sin like these people sin but as his Lords servant he us going to cure every last one of them.  
  	He walked over to them and said “She still didn’t open up today. Now we’ve had a lot of sessions and nothing is getting to her so I think we should take it to the next level.”  
  	“And what would that be?” her father asked. 
  	“We have a procedure called Electroshock Therapy. Now it might sound bad but with cases like her, I think it’s best. You see it rewires their brain to think differently and if we can get her to do that so she can stop sinning.” He explained. 
  	“Anything to make our daughter normal.” her mother said looking at her husband.  
  	“What do we have to do?” her father asked. 
  	“Follow me and sign these papers.” the doctor said walking over towards his office. 
  	5. 
  	The pain of the electrocution was unbearable, awake. When she closed her eyes she was able to visualize them through their relationship and the pain seemed to go away. So that was exactly what she did.  
  	For two weeks the two girls didn’t even glance at each other. Yet, neither of them could not keep the other of their minds. Rhonda was wondering how a church loving person like Anna would be blushing at a girl like her. Anna was wondering what were all these new feelings she felt for this new girl and  where they came from and why it was happening to her.  
  	That weekend they happened to see each other at the drive inn. Anna was alone in her car and Rhonda pulled up next to her. They watched half of the movie and then Anna called her over. Rhonda got out of her car and opened her passenger side door.  
  	“Are you sure you want me to come sit with you?” Rhonda asked. 
  “Yes, I’m sure. I would like to get to know you more. Considering you don’t have a lot of friends here.” Anna said not looking at Rhonda. 
  “Well what do you want to know about me?” she asked. 
  “Whatever you want to tell me.” Anna replied. 
  	They sat in silence for a good couple of minutes then Rhonda burst out and told Anna about everything she has been through for the past three years. Moving in and out of school, not having anyone really to trust. Everything that night was laid on the table. Anna shared about her life and her religion.  
  	“I have something to tell you.” Rhonda said. 
  	“Shoot.” Anna said taking a drink of her soda. 
  	“I haven’t trust anyone with any of this stuff.” Rhonda said looking out of the window. 
  	“Really? That’s.. interesting..” Anna said looking at her. A feeling came across her like she had never felt before. She grabbed Rhonda’s hand and Rhonda looked up at her. “You can always trust me.” Anna squeezed her hand and let go.  
  6. 
  	Everyday after they got out of their last class and Anna got off of work they were with each other. Anna lived on a ranch type place. Her family owned horses and chickens and sold babies and eggs for some extra cash. Their place was her off red part a mile away from her house.  
  	This was the place Anna went to get away. She loved to pastel things, but her parents hated it. They were never into the free mind. You served the Lord or you were Satan’s Spawn. You worked for your parents or you were kicked out. She never had free time but when she did this was the place she would go. 
  	Now that she was really great friends with Rhonda this place was more like home than her actual home. Some days Rhonda would just watch Anna pastel the grass and trees around the area, the sunsets and stars. Other days they would just mess around with all the stuff in the place. Building stuff that was never going to work. As each day went by their friendship got closer.  
  	“Hey, Why don’t you pose differently.” Anna said sketching Rhonda. 
  	“Why? Don’t you like it?” Rhonda said putting her head above her head trying to look sexy. 
  	“Oh yeah, I love it. I can’t get enough of it. Now doing something natural.” She said. 
  	“And me being sexy isn’t natural.” She said frowning sitting beside Anna. 
  	“Oh it is.” she said and then paused. “I mean, uh..” She started. 
  	“You have a crush on me.” Rhonda said smiling and then she winked at her.  
  	“I… well… just sit over there so I can draw you.” Anna said hiding her face.  
  	“Fine.” Rhonda said sitting on a pile of hay. The entire time Rhonda sat there smiling and Anna and giving her this “I want you.” look. It was really hard for Anna to keep a straight face. Her sketch was horrible and when Rhonda came over to take a look she put it behind her back and shook her head.  
  	“No you can’t have it.” She said. 
  	“Why not? It’s of me isn’t it?” Rhonda said trying to grab it from behind her back.  
  	“But it’s horrible.” Anna said holding the drawing away but pushing her body closer to Rhonda’s.  
  	“Oh, come a little closer.” Rhonda said smiling and putting her arms around Anna’s waist. Anna smiled and she got a coy expression on her face. Then everything stopped. There was Rhonda holding Anna, something very wrong. They just stood staring at each other. Rhonda stopped grinning and got really serious. Anna looked at Rhonda and then defying everything she’s been taught she put both of her hands on Rhonda’s face and kissed her. There was no awkwardness at all. 
  	7. 
  	It had been the next summer before they had there first date. Not that they hadn’t been dating the entire time anyway, neither just didn’t have the time. Rhonda had found a job on someone’s farm looking after the animals while they were gone for business and Anna picked up another shift at the diner to help pay for college because her parents never would. Of course they couldn’t go anywhere in public but Anna found this little stream back when she was a kid and they packed a lunch ate and cuddled the whole time. Anna was laying on Rhonda’s chest while Rhonda leaned against a tree.  
  	“So, what made you like me in the first place?” Anna asked snuggling closer to Rhonda. 
  	“I don’t know. Maybe the way you threw an attitude my way when you first decided to talk to me. Or maybe it was the way you blushed and go shy when you were around me.” Rhonda responded and Anna shied away. “See like that.” Rhonda smiled and kissed Anna’s forehead. “Well, what did you see in me?” Rhonda asked. 
  	It took Anna a second to answer. “Well it was this undeniable attraction, the way you held yourself. It was just I wanted you before I realized what was happening.” Anna said looking up at Rhonda. “It was like we were destined to be together.”  
  	“Like we WERE?” Rhonda asked starting to frown.  
  	“Yeah, were. Now that I have you I don’t think it so much.” Anna smiled and Rhonda pulled away trying to hide a grin. “Aww, sweetie I’m just kidding with you. You know I love you.” Rhonda kept struggling for a second and then gave in and told Anna that she loved her too. “You know, I never thought I would feel this way about anyone. Even if my parents hated it I was getting out of this small town. Now that you’re in my life I’ve never been more driven to do so.” 
  	Rhonda sat there speechless for a second and then said “I’ve never been such a goodie two shoes for this long before. You bring out the best in me. I guess that’s why I love you so much.” Rhonda shifted her gaze to the sky and Anna sat there speechless. Ten minutes went by and then Anna sat up turned around and looked Rhonda in the eyes. 
  	“I don’t care if this goes against God and all I’ve been raised to believe. I am in love with you, completely in love with you.” Anna caressed Rhonda’s face and then gently kissed her on the lips. They both looked each other in the eyes and then began kissing more passionately. Rhonda’s hands slowly went up Anna’s skirt and Anna began undoing Rhonda’s belt buckle. Everything went in slow motion after that. They were completely naked under a tree making love. The aura around the area was very intense and full of emotion. It was the first time for Anna and the first time Rhonda ever felt something this amazing.  
  	8. 
  	That December they had their first big fight. Anna was feeling a little hesitant with her emotions. She had confessed everything that has been going on with her a Rhonda and she felt terrible. She was a disappointment to her church. She drove over to Rhonda’s house to break up with her. 
  	Rhonda came out the door smiling the smile she always got when Anna was around. It slowly faded when she saw that Anna didn’t smile back but was looking at the ground. They stood in front of each other Anna looking everyone but in Rhonda’s face and Rhonda staring directly at Anna. “We need to take a drive.” Anna said finally looking up and seeing the concern in Rhonda’s face.  
  	“Okay.” Rhonda said simply. They both got into Anna’s car and then Anna drove off, clenching the steering wheel with both hands and looking very intently at the road. When she finally got to the barn she stopped the car, turned it off and sat there hands still on the wheel.  
  	“I’m a disgrace to my church.” She finally said.  
  	“So what? You didn’t think so before.” Rhonda replied. 
  	“I just confessed everything we’ve been doing. I feel terrible.” she said looking out the window.  
  	“So this means what for us?” Rhonda said slowly. She really can’t be thinking what I think she’s thinking she thought.  
  	“This means… I don’t know what this means.” Anna said looking at Rhonda with her eyes full of tears. Rhonda let go of all the anger she felt and put both hands on Anna’s face.  
  	“Sweet heart, don’t do anything you’re going to regret. I love you. No look at me. I love you with all of my heart. You are my everything. You are the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. Please, don’t do this to me. Don’t do this to us. We are great for each other. More than great. We are meant for each other. Yes, that means that your God wants us together. If he didn’t we wouldn’t be right here feeling the feelings we are feeling.” Rhonda said, feeling tears in her eyes but pushing them back.  
  	After a couple seconds looking each other in the eyes Anna said, “I need to take you home. I need to think.” Rhonda let her hands fall, she turned around and stared out the window. Her eyes watered up and the colors began to come together. Everything was disorienting.  
  	Anna got to Rhonda’s house and parked the car. She finally chanced a look at Rhonda and Rhonda just sat staring out the window. “Hey, I’m sorry.” Anna said with her heart going into her throat. Rhonda finally looked at Anna, a tear rolled down her face she quickly whipped it away and got out of the car. Anna tried reaching for her hand but within a second Rhonda disappeared. 
  	She sat all night in her bed crying, getting angry with herself and then finally made the decision to go get Rhonda. She had loved her with all her heart. So what if she were a disappointment. She slid out of bed, not worrying about what she wore, and went out her window. When she finally got to Rhonda’s house she knocked on the window lightly.  
  	Rhonda had still been up hoping waiting for her to come, like she had so many times before. When she heard that light tap from the beautiful hands that made them she jumped out of her bed and ran over to the window to open it.  Before she got it all the way opened Anna jumped in and was hugging her and kissing every square inch of her.  
  	“I’m so sorry. I love you. I love you!” She kept saying kissing Rhonda. 
  	“I love you too.” Rhonda said grabbing her face and giving her a really big kiss. They fell on Rhonda’s bed kissing and then they stopped, looked at each other and laughed.  
  	“How did you know I was coming back?” Anna asked. 
  	“I just did. We are meant for each other Anna.” Rhonda said smiling. Anna laid her head against Rhonda’s chest and they laid there playing with each others hands and eventually falling asleep together.  
  	9.  
  	That next morning there were cops out looking for Anna. They had went through the whole town searching and then they finally came to Rhonda’s house. They heard the knock and they both woke up. Rhonda walked to her window to see who it was and then turned around wide eyed and scared. 
  	“It’s the cops!” Rhonda exclaimed.  
  	“No way! My parents. They called. I can’t believe them!” Anna said in a loud whisper.  
  	Rhonda heard the front door open and then she ushered Anna out of the window and she jumped out herself. Anna grabbed Rhonda’s hand and they made a run for it. Just then the cops came out of the house, saw then running and yelled. Only Anna heard them. 
  	They got to Anna’s house and ran into her room. They were completely out of breath. When everything got back together Rhonda started laughing. “I haven’t been that close to the pigs since the last town I was in.” She said.  
  	“They saw us.” Anna said.  
  	“No, they couldn’t have. We ran too fast.” Rhonda said still bearing a smile.  
  	“They saw us, you know what that means! My parents are going to find out and you  should also know what that means! We’re going to have to break up!” Anna said yelling. Rhonda got quiet and the smile faded off her face.  
  	“You can’t be serious. After what happened yesterday?” She said and when Anna didn’t answer her she walked over to the window.  
  	10.  
  	Anna opened her eyes and she was back in her yellow room. She was jittery, she couldn’t keep still. Her thoughts were scrambled, she wasn’t normal she was never going to be normal again. She still wouldn’t talk and she still wasn’t cured. After all the pain she endured she wished she were. She couldn’t think that, she started crying. She couldn’t disgrace Rhonda’s memory like that. 
  	Meanwhile the doctor was holding a conference with her family. They were both sitting in his study like office and he was smiling. “Well, she is showing some signs of improvement. I think this treatment is really starting to work.” He said, “But we are going to have to up the shock.”  
  	“What will that do?” Her father asked.  
  	“It’ll cure her completely.” He said simply.  
  	“Go for it.” Her father said giving him full control.  
  	They gave her a couple days to cool off from the last time they gave her the full dose. Her mind could not concentrate, there was nothing there. She just pounded her head against the wall, foam coming from her mouth. Finally they came for her. They picked her up by her arms and drug her to the electrocution room. They strapped her down and put the heart monitor patch on her wrist. Other wires were coming from her head. They left the room and went behind the glass to watch.  
  	“Start out low and then gradually go up.” The doctor said. They turned it on and she started to have a mild fit. Her thoughts went to Rhonda and the last day they were together.  
  ------------------------------------ 
  	Rhonda walked out of the room bumping into Anna’s parents on her way out. She didn’t even glance over her shoulder. They heard everything, she thought, good for them at least they know the truth now. She walked out of the door and walked home. The town wasn’t very pleased, they found out faster then she could ever imagine them finding out. She got to her house, didn’t bother going inside but got into her car and drove away.  
  	Anna’s parents burst in her room, confronting her about what they heard and yelling at her for disobeying the Lord and she was getting sent away and going to get cured.  
  	“and you are a disgrace to this family!” her father yelled. She zoned them out and wasn’t paying attention, she just let the love of her life walk out on her and she didn’t stop her.  
  ----------------------------------- 
  	They were going full force on the electrocution. Her back arched, she was shaking and they just sat there staring at her.  
  ----------------------------------- 
  	While Rhonda was driving through town, people started throwing things at her car. She just kept driving, keeping her eyes on the road. Then a watermelon came through her passenger side window, a kid ran into the middle of the street and she swerved to miss him. She ran into a pole and before she realized what was happening the pole came down and smashed the top of her car in. 
  ----------------------------------- 
  	Anna screamed at the top of her lungs, her back arched one more time and then her whole body came to a rest. The heart monitor flat lined and the doctors rushed in and got the paddles out.  
  	“And.. Clear.” They pounded it on her chest. 
  ----------------------------------- 
  	The police came and knocked on Anna’s door. Her parents answered. They told them the news about Rhonda and Anna over heard. 
  ----------------------------------- 
  Beep. Beep. Flat line.  
  “Clear!” They said and tried again. Her back arched.  
  -----------------------------------	 
  	he broke down, right there. Cried and couldn’t stop. She let her die, she let her walk out of her life.  
  -----------------------------------  
  Beep. Beep. Beep. One tear came down her cheek. Beep. Flat line. 
   
   
   Publication Date: October 2nd 2009 https://www.bookrix.com/-geezeus