text: Melinda Dawn Mardars Satifaction Guaranteed 
   
   
     
     
    Satisfaction Guaranteed  
                               By  
                        Melinda Dawn Mardars 
   
     Victoria, could not believe her eyes, as she approached her front porch, 
  there sat the package in all of it ominous glory, taunting her. Daring her 
  to pick it up. She was so tired of this, she would send the package back 
  and there it would be again. She just couldn’t seem to get rid of it! 
   Well this time  things were going to be different. Grabbing up the 
  package, she tucked the wretched thing under her arm and proceeded to 
  open the front door. 
     As she walked in she tossed the thing on the bench by the entry way and 
  headed straight for the phone. She was going to give Banatelli’s a piece of 
  her mind, she was tired of this crap. She was going to settle this once and for  
  all. She didn’t even have to look up their number, she knew it by heart. 
     Picking up the phone she dialed the number…735-2180 and waited for  
  the morons to answer. She was not known for her patience, drumming her  
  fingers on the table. As she listened to the incessant ringing,  she wondered if 
  anyone was ever going to answer. George her deceased husband, had 
  driven her crazy with his indecisiveness and procrastination. 
       But now, he was dead and she was free, from the shriveled up  old 
  man. She couldn’t believe how easy it had been to dispose of him and 
  his wretched housekeeper Hortense. It had been a stroke of genius… 
  It was simply a case of food poisoning, the coroner had said. Little 
  did he and the police know, she had taken a jar of mayonnaise and  
  had opened it and left it out to spoil, then had mixed it in with the fresh 
  bottle in the refrigerator. 
    When she went out on a errand for good old George, she had  
  conveniently disposed of the bottle. And no one was the wiser.  Now, 
  sick old George and Hortense  were gone and she  Victoria Andrews was rich… 
   Even Dr. Reynolds and the  brats at the orphanage had not got a dime. 
   Yep, everything was hers, the mansion, the cars, the stocks, the money 
     It was all hers and nobody was going to take it from her. Her daddy  
    had always told  her to do what it took to get ahead, and not let  
  anyone or anything stand in her way. And this girl from the wrong 
  side of the tracks hadn’t. Her daddy had taught her well… 
     Suddenly she was jogged from her thoughts, by the voice on the phone. 
  “ Banatelli’s may I help you?” “You certainly can, I want you to do something 
  about this package.” ”Package?” “ Package, what package?” Came the confused  
  reply.: “The package  that I have been sending back to your store and keeps 
  coming back you idiot.”” Mam, I’m afraid I don’t know what your talking about, 
  but I can connect you to Mr. Williams, the store manager,”” Maybe, he can sort 
  this problem out for you.” “Whatever” Victoria replied, As , she  
  found her self in limbo land, as music droned on in her ear. 
    Once she settled this package problem. She was headed for Europe, she already 
  had her tickets. She had her sights set on something bigger, a rich old count in France, 
   That she had read about. It seems he was looking for a bride and that bride was going 
  to be her. Yes, she was going to be countess Victoria. But this time she wouldn’t use 
  the same thing to get rid of him, she would think of something else. 
     “Hello, is anyone there?” asked the voice on the line. “Yes I’m here.” Vicky replied. 
  “What can I do for you miss?” “It’s Mrs. Victoria Andrews.” she corrected. “That’s 
  fine, what can I do for you Mrs. Andrews.?” “ You can do something about  this 
  stinking package, that I keep sending back to your store, that keeps coming back!.” 
  She screamed into the phone. “No need to get upset Mrs. Andrews, I am sure we can  
  sort this problem out.” “Here at Banatelli’s our moto is Satisfaction Guaranteed.” 
  “ Yeah, right,“ Vicky hissed into the  phone. ”Well Mr. Williams, I am not satisfied and I want something done about this package.“ “And I want it now…” Very well, Mrs .Andrews, I’ll see what I can do.” Who is the package addressed to?” “It’s addressed to my dead husband, that’s who it’s addressed to.” ” I see, 
   “And what was your husbands name?” ” Mr. George Andrews, “ Vicky hissed into the phone again. 
  “ well Mrs. Andrews, give me a little time to look into the matter and I will call you back.” ” What is your number?” ” It’s 315-9241“ “Very, well ,I’ll get back to you shortly.” “ Is that all right Mrs. Andrews?” 
  “I guess it will have to be.” ”Won’t it?” As she waited for a reply, she realized the line had gone dead. 
     Slamming  the phone  down in disgust, she headed off  to her bedroom to lie down for a while, this whole irritating episode, had given her a migraine. When she woke up,  she wasn’t sure how long, she had been asleep, but it was dark outside and there had been no phone call from Mr. Williams of Banatelli’s. 
   Of all the colossal nerve she thought, looking at the clock next to the bed, she saw it was only  8:00 P. M. 
   She knew they would still be open and she was going to give Mr. Williams a thrashing. Picking up  the receiver of her pink phone, she once again dialed their number for the second time that day. If he 
  thought she was mad before, wait till she talked to  him this time. Once again the line rang, incessantly  
  as she waited for them to answer the line. Geez, she thought to herself, don’t they have more than one 
  person to answer the phone. Of course not, they were morons! And morons never thought of stuff like that. 
      Once again she  drummed her fingers, waiting for someone to answer. Just as she was about to hang up, she heard the voice on the other end. “Banatelli’s, may I help you?” ”Yes you can” she screamed. “I want to talk to your store manager Mr. Williams.” ”Mr. Williams mam?“ ’I’m afraid, we don’t have a Mr. Williams here.” ” Of course you do, you idiot, I spoke to him earlier today.” “And he was supposed to call me back, and he didn’t.” ”Well I am sorry about that, but we have no Mr. Williams here. ” It was all Vicky could do, to keep from exploding…” Then connect me to someone else, you moron..“ ”Who, would you like to speak to mam?” ”Someone who can help me.” ”Very well, I’ll connect you to Mr. Johnson, I’m sure, he will be able to help you.” ”What ever, just do it.” “And do it now!” ”Yes mam.” Came the haggard reply on the other end. What a peon,  she thought to herself and she hated dealing with peon’s. 
   Again she found herself resigned to limo land, as the music droned on and it was  not even good music, it was the crap they played in elevators. And she hated that too… 
     Boy was she going to tell the jerk that answered a thing or to, if he answered. Once again, as she was about to give up,  she heard a mans voice, come over the line.” Banatelli’s, this is Mr. Johnson, may I help you?” Though the guy on the other end had a sexy voice, she was not going to let that sway her. ”Yes you can,“ She screamed into the phone again.” “Some jerk  calling himself, Mr. Williams and saying ,he was the store manager, was supposed to call me back and take care of a problem ,I am having with a package from, 
  your store.” 
   “ Mr. Williams, we have no Mr. Williams here. I am the store manager  Mr.   Johnson and you have not spoken to me.” “I know that you, jerk, tell me something, I don’t already know.” “Like how to get rid of 
  this lousy package, I keep returning it to your store and  it keeps coming back!” ”Very,  well, I’ll see what I can do, about this package and the problem you are having with it.” ” Well, it’s about time.” ”Your 
  not going to call me back are you?” ”No, we can take care of it now.” ”Do you have the package there?” 
   “Yes I do.” Thank goodness she had, the foresight to have brought it, up stairs with her, otherwise, she  
  would have had to tromp back down stairs and waste even more time. And she wanted this matter settled once and for all, as she was running out of time, her trip was scheduled in a matter of days. 
   “Mam, are you still there?” ” Of course, I am, where else would I be?” ” I need you to open the package and give me the invoice number ,in it, so I can straighten this out for you.” ” But ,if I open it up, you won’t take it back.” ”No need to worry mam, we will send, you a new shipping label and take it back.”” Are you sure?” she asked. “Yes, I’m  sure, just open the package and get the invoice number, so we can get to the bottom of this.” 
    “Maybe it’s something, that was ordered for you and you won’t want to return it.” ” No it’s addressed to my deceased husband George. ”she replied, And that miser would not  have bought  her anything, he was to cheap. 
   That’s why he was so rich, he hung on to every cent. She had not know that, when she had married him, she had expected to be showered with ,affection and wealth. And she had not gotten neither, that’s why she had killed the jerk. She had tired of waiting for him to die, to inherit his estate. 
    “Do, you have the package?” “Yes, I have it.” “Then open it up and give me the  number, so we can get this settled.” “I can’t help you, if you don’t open the package.” Picking up the package, Vicky 
  proceeded to rip it open, but all she saw was lot’s of excelsior.” There’s nothing in here, but packing material.” “ I’m sure there is ,if it is from us, we do not send out empty  packages.” ”Dig a little deeper, 
  “ I’m Sure you will find the item.” Eager to get this over with, Vicky rammed her fingers down into, the package, searching for it’s contents. Suddenly she felt a painful prick on her finger, as she pulled out the packing, she couldn’t believe what she saw. A small black widow spider. ”No!” “No!” she screamed, she was allergic to spiders ,deadly allergic.” Mam, are you there?” ”Are you alright? “But all that came across the line was silence… Dead silence… ”Well ,our client, Dr. Reynolds and the children at the orphanage will be pleased .”  Mr. Williams said as he turned to his secretary.   “Well, Miss, Grey it looks like we have disposed of Mrs. Victoria Andrews, once and for all.”   “And when they  finally find her body and look in the box they will find nothing there, just an empty package,  that someone forgot to put something in.”  And since there in no such place as, Banatelli‘s ,there are no clues to lead them to us. All they will find is an empty warehouse.” “It’s like our moto says. ”Satisfaction Guaranteed.”  
   
   
   Publication Date: July 14th 2011 https://www.bookrix.com/-melindadawnmardars