text: Ameera Butt What's hidden within me 
   
   
   Chapter One  
    I sit here in confusion. Words wonder around my mind. Not sure what they are trying to express. Not sure what they mean. Not even sure what they are. But those words, they seem so aggressive and painful. Those words, they seem loud and clear yet I still cannot manage to get rid of my confusion. There's no one that I can ask. There’s no one that would know. I beat myself down to every word that is shown in this vision. It’s like random letters put together to show words that do not even exist. It’s like something old is trying to come out as something new and it’s a puzzle I need to solve to take it out. It’s like...    ...I sit here confused with my eyes half open half shut. I can see everything so blurry as my eyes are half-watery half dry. I feel the atmosphere being so energetic as everyone is moving around me. Everyone rushing around in their own little world, everyone not having time for anyone else. Everything apart from me seems so lively and quick. But I feel myself being so negative, not reacting to anything. Also being so dead, almost not being me. My body being so still and extremely stiff, it doesn't want to respond to anything. My mind being full of things, things I can’t even imagine. I do not know what's going on. I have no awareness of anything. I feel completely lost within my own mind and there is no way I can come out of this. I admit I feel this warm heat around me, as it may be that season of the year but beside the heat from the sun, which is directing that at me from the corner of the nearest window I simply can’t feel anything else. I try to move around my hands but I can no longer feel them either. I think I have no idea what is wrong... But inside I know exactly what’s wrong. But my mouth is more stubborn than my mind since it won’t take out anything.    “Your name?” A loud half annoyed half-tired sounding old lady asks out sitting at the reception desk with a form in front of her as well as me. She keeps looking up at me and then down at the piece of paper as she sighs after every two seconds. Sitting on that tall which seems very old and weak chair, she seems to feel very agitated.   “Marwick” I look up at her and with a silly small thought I whisper out my full name. “Lillian Marwick.”   “Age?”  “Twenty-one”  “Gender?”  “Female” I respond. I look up at her feeling very confuse. Can she really not tell the difference between a male and female? Does she really not know how the both different genders look like?    The receptionist gives me deep glares as she continues asking me questions so she can fill in the form. After a good ten minutes she orders me to take a seat near by to her desk so that I could easily hear her when she calls out for me. She seems very rude and strange. It was like she didn't like her everyday job. She was forcefully sitting at her desk and has no other option but to sit there and receive new customers everyday. She really doesn't seem like a people person, even if she is one she isn't a really good one. Definitely not a good communicating person, without a doubt! Hair pulled up with a bun as she has a small white work cap to cover the top of her hair. Wearing a dull brown with olive colour shade dress with dark brown and half-chipped heels on. Fare skin with a combination of dark red lipstick with thickened eyeliner across her eyes and what I am assuming is light pink shaded blusher across her pure white cheeks. She has thick fat glasses hanging of from her neck, which is attached to a small thin glasses chain. Her hands are covered with different shapes of rings with a range of colours on each finger and different types of necklaces surround her neck. They seem more like charms but with her personality charms isn’t really going to work as far as I was concerned. As I slowly come out of my thoughts about her I slowly start drifting away into a sleep. My eyes not knowing what to do they keep dropping shut; they hadn’t rested in days. I have no idea how they all a sudden wanted to shut and rest now. Every night I spent trying to force my eyes to sleep as well as my mind. But them being wide-awake and not listening to any of my instructions ruining my sleep for the past however many months. It was actually starting to get really annoying and stupid. As I get deeper and deeper into the mood of sleep a name is shouted out and breaks me wide-awake.    “Miss Marwick! Are you there Miss Markwick?” The annoyingly loud receptionist shouts out being lazy sitting on her desk whilst having a small black phone in her hand. I bring myself up and stand on my feet giving her a confident nod. She looks at me as she continues speaking “Mrs Whitelock shall see you now.” She points to the nearest passageway and gives me instructions to get to Mrs Whitelock’s room. Nervously I catch on a speed and walk towards the room I was instructed to go to. As I reach to door number fourteen I look up at it and knock twice patiently waiting for a respond. Holding my hands together, fidgeting with my fingers in tension the door opens and a beautiful and probably just a little older than me lady stands in front of me with a smile across her face. Light blue shinny eyes with short yet silky straight brunette hair. As she looks so pure and natural not wearing any sort of make up. She is dressed in beautiful purple knee length dress with a black colour cardigan on top, finishing her look with small black heel shoes.    “Hello there, you must be Lillian; I’m Faith Whitlock. Come on in.” Faith says in such a pleasant and gentle voice. Me being still very nervous I walk into the room. It was a pretty average sized room and wasn't full of what I had expected. It wasn’t so colourful, but it definitely wasn’t dull. It was bright and white. It smelt so fresh as it contains such beautiful colourful flowers at the corner of the room on the window shelf. On the left side of the room was a big bookshelf filled with a different range of books with different sizes and all of them have a familiar cover colour. Most being dark brown shaded and rusty, seeming very old. Faith looks at me observing the bookshelf and with a giggle speaks out “Ah, my books. I haven’t been through them for a long time. I think I need a break from work and get with them again.” I looked back at her and gave a small smile whilst looking at her clear her desk. Her desk was full of papers; papers scattered around on her big strong looking light brown desk that had an unusual pattern on it. The desk was made out of wood for sure but the woody pattern on it was very different to the usual wooden desks. Sitting on top of the desk was a small black with a red outline pen holder which was full of different colour pens and had only three pencils in it, not forgetting the orange and green colour highlighters hidden within them. Next to the holder was a small note holder, which was full of little sticky notes that had appointment and other important notes for Faith to remember. I didn’t read anything of there as it was her personal thing and I didn’t want to be all nosey. Lying in front of the note holder was a thick notebook covered with scribbles and writing that didn't seem understandable. I would actually criticize her handwriting but then again my eyesight is terrible anyways so there's no point in criticising. Moving on from the notepad right in the edge yet centre of the table sat a half filled glass of water and a small plate that had a half-bitten biscuit on it. Finally next to that was a small lamp that had a strange yet unique and amazing colours of bright summery yellow and green mixed together on it. Of course lying in front of all that was the scattered papers as I have already mentioned.    “Sorry, this is taking a while. I feel so unorganised, you see the person I had before you I saw about nine months ago and they suddenly came back for some paper work. Now I have to search through some files and everything is just everywhere as you can see. Please take a seat I won’t be much long.” She rushes around whilst speaking to me. I kind of felt sorry for her because she didn’t really know what she was doing running around looking for files as she said. I quietly nod and sit down on the couch that was put right next to the window where the sunlight hit against me once again. This time I seem to enjoy the heat on me, it felt more relaxing. It felt more energetic. I shut my eyes and tilt my head a bit towards the window shelf as I wait patiently for Faith Whitelock to finish with whatever she was doing. My eyes start resting once again as everything starts becoming more cosy and light. Everything starts becoming dark...    “Lillian, have you fallen asleep?” A voice echoes from the back as I suddenly realise that I have fallen asleep waiting for Faith. With a moment of shock I quickly pull myself up and try to open my eyes wide. There I see Faith looking down at me seeming a little confused. “Are you okay?” She asks politely.   “Yes, sorry I just dozed off.” I reply getting words out of me as quick as possible whilst rubbing my eyes.  “You must’ve waited for too long and fallen asleep. I am truly very sorry for making you wait so long. I’m not actually like this.” She rushes back saying to me, sounding very apologetic.   “No, honestly it’s okay. I understand you had some things to sort out.” I reply back sounding very understanding.  “Well I’m certainly finished with all that work so now I can give you all the time you need and we can discuss why you are here today.” She happily asks.    I could feel my body going really numb as I look into her eyes trying to answer her questions. I can’t find any specific words that could answer her questions to be honest. Confused I just stare at her thinking that maybe she’ll understand but seeing how her face was reacting I knew she is equally confused and perhaps a little worried at the same time. Trying to not make the situation more awkward or silent I try to open my mouth and get words out but instead only gibberish mumbling was coming out of me. I was well prepared before coming here so why was I like this now? What was it? Fright or fear of something? A judgemental worry? I was now more confused than before as I sat back down on the soft couch and Faith came and sat beside me holding a glass of water in her hand.    “Here, take some water.” She offers me some water thinking it may help me and calm me down. I quickly grab onto the glass and take a small sip from the glass.  “Thank you.” I’m able to take out as a quick shiver comes out of me.   “Are you now okay to tell me what you wanted to tell me Lillian?” She asks still sitting beside me.  “Please, call me Lilly. Everyone calls me Lilly.” I tell her.  “Okay Lilly, you want to share your problem.” She giggles and then in a serious tone asks.    I look up at her, as her face seems to look more relax and shows a sort of interests in what I am trying to say. I take give out a small sigh and then take in a deep breath then realising out that random weird pressure in me.  “Well, lately...” I pause myself and think of a way to put out what I want to tell. I figure half of it out and start talking again. “Lately I haven’t been getting much sleep.”  “And why is that?” Faith asks trying to figure out herself why wouldn’t I be getting much sleep.  “Well, it’s not really much sleep. It’s more about no sleep at all.”  “Okay, well why do you not get any sleep at all Lilly?”    I knew the answer to what she has just asked me yet I couldn’t answer the question. I was thinking of different ways of getting some sort of reply out of my mouth always seeming to fail.  “I don’t know why I don’t get any sleep at night.” I manage to take out.  “Are you sure you don’t know Lilly?” Faith starts to sound like she knew I was lying. She has some sort of deep seriousness in her voice.  “I don’t know!” I yell out to her feeling a little pressured even though I wasn’t pressured at all.   “Okay, calm down Lilly. Just stay calm. All I want to know is why do you think you aren’t getting your sleep at night? Is something bothering you? Perhaps something is in your mind?” She tries to calm me down and softly asks me.  “I have some things mind. Thing I do not know about...” I pause myself once again.  “Go on, I’m listening.” She assures me.  “Things that even confuse me.”  “Do you get nightmares or anything like that?”  “I don’t sleep remember? If I don’t sleep how could I possibly get nightmares?”  “Have you ever thought that you may be sleeping but you think you’re awake?” She questions me, making me have a doubt on it.  “No, I just don’t sleep. Even if I do sleep it stops me and brings me wide-awake again.”  “What brings you wide-awake?”  “It’s...” I stop myself from using a word. Faith looks deeply into me trying to spell out something but my lips were stick so hard together. I shut my eyes for two seconds and open them up again whilst continuing speaking. “It’s a vision Faith.”  “A vision? A vision of what?”  “A lot of things. But there's this one thing that specifically runs around my mind. Even though everything else seems so vivid this is pretty clear.”  “Is anything you see true by any chance? Have any of those thoughts or visions already happened in your past?” As she asks me those last two questions my mind clocks out of the situation as I rush myself of the couch and find myself standing up. “What's wrong Lilly? Why have you stood up?”  “No! I have to go. I don’t want to be here anymore!” I express out to her trying to get a grip onto my bag, which was lying, beside the couch on the floor.     As I’m about to move forward Faith grabs onto my wrist holding me back. “Wait!” She yells out as my footsteps hold themselves back and she slowly lets go of me. “Why are you rushing away? What are you hiding? You are here to tell me this problem right? Then trust me and tell me.” I look up at her and try to relax myself. Relax my mind, relax my heartbeat and relax my entire body. But after a second I couldn’t, I failed that relaxation and I give her a small push back and run towards the door as I give a quick stop.  “Sorry but I can’t. I have to go.” I whisper to her and exit her room running out. As I try to exist out of the entire building my eyes contact with the rude receptionist I saw earlier. She looks deeply into my eyes and gives me another strong glare as she had given before. I avoid giving her any attention and focus on getting out of the area. My heartbeat has increase so much that I can just about feel my heart coming out of my body. Pretty figurative but in this moment of time it can happen you never know!    I rush towards my car, which is parked in the local car park on fifth floor. I open up my bag and look for my car keys, which I had thrown in when I had got out of the car earlier. Being in a total hurry, I can’t seem to find my keys with my breath not taking a normal speed. My hands moving around everywhere in my big bag not being able to reach out for my keys. I start to anxiously empty out my bag stood in this cold car park. Public driving past me looking for their own places to park their cars observing what I was doing probably assuming I’m some sort of mad and lost human not knowing what I am doing. Feeling totally clueless. After a good three minutes of searching I give up on the search and fall down to my knees as tears start bursting out of my eyes. I sit here being so lonely. Lonely then ever! Crying my eyes out, crying where many could’ve heard me but no one can actually hear me. Feeling physically and mentally disturbed; my mind is rushing through many things. I don’t know what I am doing or what I should do. I have no consciousness of anything! I feel useless and trapped and I can not even express myself out. I sit here for about half an hour crying my eyes out not caring about anything else as my stuff are scattered everywhere on the floor and me sitting against my car as my tears themselves slowly start drying away.    A few minutes late my phone, which was now on the floor as well as everything out, starts buzzing. I can’t seem to find the energy or movement to reach out or look at whose call it is so I let it ring. After a few rings it stops ringing. I don’t move nor reach for the phone; I sit there in silence and do nothing. My phone once again rings, this time I am able to look down at my phone and read who the caller on the phone is. ‘Mass’.   Mass was my best friend. Since forever he has been with me, never to let me go. I’ve grown up with him as he used to be my neighbour but now that he has moved to another house still being pretty local our friendship was still that tight. It was always the three best friends. Mass, my elder sister Kat and me Her actual full name was Katherine Marwick but we always called her Kat just how they all called me Lilly instead of Lillian. I’m sure you’re thinking Mass? What sort of name is that? But honestly that isn’t his actual. His full name is Mason Mayson. I know you must be thinking two masons at once? Since the day I had met him I’d been asking him and myself the same question. Apparently his parents were very drunk and high the day he was named. Still he doesn't complain. The worlds most adorable, patient and calm guy that could’ve ever existed. That was him for sure! I remember when we were young as soon as it used to hit one o’clock Mass used to ring at our doorstep and come in to play with us. We would just spend the whole day together. Mass and me were the same age so we were in the same school year and we went to same college and university together. We both had this love for literature. He was more of the long essay writer and reader don’t know how he survived all that. On the other hand I used to love my creative writing and my poetic side. No one ever used to listen or read anything I used to create not even Kat. But Mass, he would always be there to read my stuff. He always believed in me and he still does. No matter what I know when I need something or someone I know Mass will always be there for me.     Our parents that are like best friends too they do everything together. In fact every once a month the two families get together and do some sort of fun day out. Sunshine or not, nothing can actually stop us. Even if we were indoors either Kat or Mass’s younger brother Max would come up with the most ridiculous ideas, surprising we always go for what they plan for us. Pretty silly but that's just how our happy family was. We weren't blood related but we are sure happy with who and how we are!    Coming back to the present, I came out of this random misery I went into and trying to wipe away the dry tears across my face. I slowly get everything from the floor and randomly in a second of thoughts I quickly start rushing it all back into my bag looking carefully at the time. I spot something fall out of my contact diary. Something I had been searching for insanely. Something that made me realise how lost I was. Something that made me start to cry. I find my car keys falling out from in between my small contact book as I stop for a second and give a stupid idiotic laugh at myself seeming so pathetic and silly in this moment. I grab onto everything and start walking very fast back to the building I had rushed out of. Back to Faith Whitelock’s room...    I can feel myself go so weak as I get closer and closer to the building I had rushed out from about an hour ago. Walking in after opening that big white see through door wide open as a strong from behind me pushes me in as I was meant to go in. As if the wind was afraid I would just leave and run away again. As if the wind itself was forcing me to do what I was going to do. Leaving my mind of the winds encouragement I slowly walk into the building. The rude receptionist still sitting in her seat probably hadn’t move since forever looks up at me again and this time doesn't give a rude or bad glare at all. She sits there on her small black phone, to a customer I was assuming. As she looked at her nails moving her eyes off me I confusingly I walk forwards towards Faith room not looking left or right. Taking small gentle slow breaths inhaling and exhaling calming I reach to room number fourteen once again. Once again I stood outside Faiths room. Still worried yet a little more confidants than what I had before. Without a thought I didn’t knock on the door and I open it as she stands there with a smile. Like she knew I would be back somehow. Like she knew I needed something...    She gives me a politely side smile and I close the door behind me whilst entering her room as she speaks out “Are you ready for your therapy sessions now Lillian Marwick?” 
   
   
   
   Chapter Two  
   
  As the sun goes down the stars start to appear. The moon comes out and greets you all the night. You wake up in the morning pretty lazy and relaxed knowing you’ll seep at night again being so sleepy. The day goes through being so crazy that you don’t know what will happen. You don’t even know what you will get to see...  
   
  By the time I was eighteen I was pretty crazy and when I say crazy trust me I mean crazy. My morning would start in the afternoon and my afternoon would start in the evening. But my evening, it would start when I wanted it to start. Becoming so independent in life I had started to come out of the young me and growing into the older crazy me. This meant I based my small yet beautiful life on friends, parties, risks etc. To be honest I used to do whatever I felt like and no one could stop me. I had no fear; no worries, no restrictions and I definitely had no limits.  Actually if I'm going to be fully honest with you I did have one fear. Fear that I actually never wanted to ever occur in front of me or trap me because this fears it’s the most evil one. The most risky and dangerous one, on top of all that this poisonous fear could harm you in many ways and once its in you it never wants to let go. 
   
  “And what is this fear?” Faith breaks into my story and asks. I look up at her as I was sitting on the chair at her desk, her sitting opposite me with a pen in her hand. I give her a quick little chuckle as I close my eyes and breath really slowly. “Lilly, what is that fear?” She asks again sounding very worried, this time she looks very suspicious as if it was a massive harmful horror that would be hurtful to everyone and everything. 
  “Oh don’t worry. This fear isn’t for everyone. It’s just specific people, the rest a blinded in it.” I laugh and reply. 
  “So what is it?” 
   
  I take a deep breath once again but this time opening my eyes wide open and smiling at Faith making Faith seem very puzzled. “Love Faith, love.” I take out of myself. 
  “Really, love? That’s your fear?” 
  “It was my fear, now the only fear is too...” I stop myself and pause in the moment. 
  “Too...” Faith asks trying to make me continue what I am saying. 
  “You’ll find out if you let me continue telling you.” 
  “Our session only has another forty-five minutes Lilly.” 
  “Well you better start listening, Mrs Whitelock.” 
  “Okay, but can you tell me why love was your only fear?” She curiously wonders. 
  “When you’re in love you have some sort of blindness in front of you. You cannot seem to see much except that love. It has some great power over everything else. If you are loved back from the person then love is the most amazing thing you can ever have however if you are not then you are stuck with thoughts. But these thoughts are just any thoughts. They are the worlds most evil thoughts ever Faith!” 
  “What do you mean by that?” 
  “In all the love pains someone goes through the thoughts hurt the most. This is because you can avoid or stop anything, anything except the thoughts. They are very evil and mysterious. They haunt in every step you take; they drag you around and play with your feelings. Thoughts have no emotions they are pretty heartless. If a thought gains such powers it can take over the whole of you and make you as bad. It can make you violet, aggressive or pathetic. It makes your personality ugly, dead or raw. It can play such terrible tricks on you, your mind, and your heart to be honest your everything. It's like a strong poison just spreading around you. The worst part is the thoughts never go away. Just like that you think of the person you love at all times. Stressing out on something that isn't yours. Wishing your life didn't exist because of your thoughts. You think day and night. You think morning to evening. Time ticks, you may try focusing on something else but all you think about is one actual thing. Surrounding that one thing is a hundred questions. This can make you mental; this can ruin your mind. This could kill you.” I finish my explanation about thoughts as I look back at Faiths face since I was facing the window. She looks at me with such watery eyes like if she wanted to cry or something. Perhaps she understands what I was trying to say. If she did understand that would be such a relief but at the same time I was really hoping she hadn’t gone through any of that. 
  “I don’t know what to say to that thought Lilly.” Faith manages to whisper out her voice sounding so gentle and quiet. A small sniff comes from her as she continues writing her notes. 
  “You have so much more coming up Faith. Just wait.” I laugh and answer her back. “Now shall I go back into my story or you need to ask something else.” 
  “Please go back into your story.” She laughs and gets me back into my story. 
   
  Like I was saying no fear, no nothing to be honest. I was the most adventurous girl anyone could ever meet. My dreams had such weird limits that not even I could explain them properly. Eve always use to say how mad I was. I used to surprisingly agree because honestly she was speaking the truth. But that madness made me who I am. 
   
  “Wait! Who’s Eve?” Faith again interrupts as I give her evil eyes. 
  “Evelyn Thomson, known her since college. We got into a massive fight in our first meeting after that god knows what magic happened and we became such good friends.” I reply giving such a weird laugh. 
  “Why did you fight?” Faith asks being in a fun and excited mood. 
  “Long story, back then she had this weird crush on Mass. Remember him my best friend?” Faith nods and I start speaking again, “Well she would stalk him everywhere, not leaving a sight in college. It actually started scaring him. Him being so typically him, he would never harm or hurt anyone mentally, physically or even emotionally. No matter how hard he tried. He came to me and told me everything and we got into a fight. It was actually funny how we got out of the fight.” 
  “And how did that happen?” 
  “Gosh you ask a lot don’t you Faith? Well it all randomly happened. We were arguing whilst Mass stood there looking at the two weird girls arguing as Kat was standing beside him and Max. We argued for almost half an hour I think. We fought until we just couldn’t think of anything bad to say and randomly started laughing so badly. It was just so strange. We laughed and laughed and then laughed a little more. Mass stood there clueless on what was going on along side with half the crowd who were starring and Eve and me. From that moment of laughter we had decided to become good friend. But I did make it really clear to her to keep distance from Mass, as he was at the end of the day my cute best friend.” 
  “Wow Lilly that was just very strange to even understand for a moment.” Faith tries to take out concluding what I had just told her as she notes down everything and I start continuing with my story again. 
   
  On a warm July, in sunny summer Mass, Kat, Max, Eve and me lay straight on the soft fresh grass. Lying there thinking as it was summer and we all had holidays from either work or education we were trying to plan a holiday for ourselves. Every year we all went on something so small or simple. It used to become so boring that we used to ruin the place and come home extra early then our usual dates. There was year, I think I was about eighteen. This is of course in my early stage of craziness we weren't allowed to go on a holiday out somewhere due to our actions on the year before. It was pretty amusing to be honest. All I can say is from that day I was banned from playing truth and dare and even if I did play that game I could only choose well, only choose truth, which pretty much sucked for sure! 
   
  Anyways back to thinking about what we could do for our holiday we are running out of ideas.  Every suggestion I gave was always either avoided or giving a straight no in advance. Felt a little rude and annoying but lets be honest it was kind of the right decision. 
  “Sky diving, why don’t we do that! Oh c’mon guys that's a great idea!” I yelled out of nowhere sitting on my knees seeming like I was begging the rest. 
  “Hey that’s not a bad idea to be honest.” Kat expressed. 
  “Lets do it people!” I started yelling out trying to convince them. 
  “NO! Remember last time we were going to do that and Max fainted because of his fear of heights?” Mass opened out saying killing Lilly’s excitement. 
  “Mass you annoying little piece of...” I took my words out of my mouth in such anger. I didn’t want Mass to bring that up again, but he did. That idiot did. But he was right. Last time we planned n going sky diving we were literally at that height and Max fainted din the helicopter we all had to reach ground and take him hospital. He sure came out alive. 
   
  “How about a beach holiday?” Eve suggested. 
  “That sounds very relaxing.” Mass continued speaking after Eve suggested. 
  “Well, I guess we could. But what are we going to do there?” I questioned them being half-confused. 
  “Are you being serious Lilly? We can do so much!” Max exploded out saying in excitement. 
  “Okay fine, beach holiday it is then.” I agreed to that and we all spent the rest of the evening trying to convince our parents, which wasn't that hard usually. I had no idea what was wrong with them that night. Eventually we got everything sorted and the holiday began! 
   
  “Lilly which number is your seat?” Eve asked me in such a hurry as we all rushed onto the plane dragging our small baggage's behind us. 
  “The number that is definitely not next to you!” I claimed in such happiness. You see Eve was a great friend and all but was a horrible traveller. She literally would ruin the beginning of your journey. She has these stupid height frights. She thinks the plane will break in half and she’ll go falling down. Her imagination really goes out of the box. 
  “Lilly what is your seat number?” Mass asked sounded curious. 
  “D14, why?” I asked thinking why everyone is asking for my seat number. 
  “Oh man so it’s you. Basically in us lot one person had seat away from all of us. So that unlucky person is you. Enjoy your flight, I’m off to seat number M11.” Mass smiled and rushed off whilst finishing of his sentence. Lilly gave him such evil eyes as all of them walked passed her. 
  “Well at least I have the window seat.” I whispered to myself and sat down on my seat not knowing what this journey was going to introduce me too. 
   
  As the plane engine started and the seat belts were clucked on tight. As the journey was about to start, as all of us were going to be up high. As the excitement raised in my mind, as the cloud were closer tonight. As I met my eye contact with him. Him who made my life. 
   
  “Excuse me are you going to switch of the light up there?” My eyes squinting half open half shut as I asked the guy sitting next to me angrily. I moaned and turned my head to the side trying to avoid the small flash of light facing down on me. I was really sleepy and that light was becoming pretty annoying. I had got no respond, hoping the person would understand and switch the light off, I waited for two minutes. Obviously I had failed in giving that order to whomever was next to me as I found the light still being on after the two minutes of aggressive silence. I wanted to literally turn around and slap that person across the face for ruining my sleep. He was really asking for it! 
   
  In anger I bring my body up as I do a quick aggressive sigh and turn to look at the person who was sitting next to me. Shockingly he was lying there in his seat sleeping with a blindfold on his eyes with that flash of light on. Why on earth would he have it on when he was sleeping himself? Which idiot does that? In this moment I thought I had the perfect chance to just grab onto his neck and strangle him to death! But good thing those stupid anger management lessons Mass had been giving me came in hand. I slowly calm myself as I poke the guy next to me softly on the arm waiting for him to respond. A few seconds later he didn’t respond, I assumed he was probably in some deep sleep. Ruining my sleep how can he go into deep sleep this seemed pretty impossible! He had to be punished in some sort of way. As I sit back and start thinking I look through the gaps of the two seats in front of us as a small child and it’s mother were sitting together as the child was drawing with a permanent black marker. In that moment a beautiful and interesting yet very creative idea came to my mind. Let’s just keep in my mind my age was still young then. 
   
  I gave a quick small cheeky side smile to myself and leaned forward to disturb the child and mother as I approach forward I whisper out to the kid “Hey there little buddy. Is it okay if I can burrow your marker for a second? I’ll be really quick promise!” The child looked at me seeming so baffled. Like if I had asked for its entire life or something. It was only a marker and I did promise to give it back. 
  “But it’s mine and I'm using it right now!” The kid spoke out seeming so annoying in that moment. 
  “I will be only two minutes if that, I promise I will give it back!” I spoke out trying to sound very convincing to the kid as he makes a thinking face and hands over the black permanent marker. I came and sat back on my seat as I looked at half of the person’s face that was sitting next to me. Only half because his upper face was covered with that massive blindfold. It didn’t even seem like a blindfold it was more of a big cloth that was resting on half his face. But I didn't need the upper face anyways; my work was related to the lower. 
   
  “Oh gosh, what on earth did you do to the poor guy?” Faith breaks into my story once again asking in such enthusiasm. I look at her and give her a wink as I continue saying my story again. 
   
  So I broke off the lid of the marker, accidentally obviously. This had nothing to do with the fact that the kid I took it from was annoying or stupid in any way or so! I started deeply thinking about what I could do as I reached forward towards him being so close I could almost hear him breathing loud enough. His skin seemed so soft and clear, also being so pure at the same time. For a second I thought to myself if I really wanted to ruin it by doing what I had planned to do. I look up to the blindfold on his upper face as I was slowly going to pull it off. However, in no matter of time I quickly get out of my serious moment and started drawing on his face like a little kid. Giggling away being as imaginative I could ever be I continued drawing. Inside me I really did hope then that the marker would come off but knowing the work ‘permanent’ being with it I knew he wouldn't be going around a lot with that not on his face. 
   
  I gave a lost finally touch as the pen hit a little hard against his cheek and he gave a strong movement trying to take the blindfold of his eyes. Realising he had now woken up I quickly rushed backwards to sit on my seat properly before he could noticed I was up to something throwing the kids marker back to him. The guy pulled of the blindfold and he squinted for two seconds and pulled himself up. I’m assumed he was about to shout at me or something instead he came out with something totally different as he looked up at me and spoke out “Ow” As he took a deep look at me he continued speaking just making his pace a little slow. “Wow... How... Now?” He kept looking into my eyes and he tried to observe my face as I sat there trying to act so innocent. 
  “Well hello there!” The man said clearing his voice after he finished speaking. I looked at him seeming so puzzled. Did he not realise what I had just done? I tried to get words out of my mouth but instead only random mumbling came out. Which he obviously couldn't understand? He looked at me with those hazel green eyes which had an interesting effect of grey mixed within it. Seemed pretty mysterious if I'm going to be honest. 
   
  “Do you have a name? Wait you can hear me right?” He continued speaking whilst I sat beside him frozen not knowing what on earth I was doing. “Are you okay?” He asked now seeming very scared at how I wasn't reacting to anything. I looked away from his eyes as I focused on the rest of his face. I looked around seeing what kind of amazing art I had created on his lower face knowing he would be pretty furious once he finds out. I couldn’t take it in me any long as I burst up laughing so loudly and hard that everyone could hear me laugh. Even Mass and the group could all the way from section M. I laughed and laughed and then laughed a little more. I couldn’t stop laughing. They’re actually came a moment where I had forgotten why I was laughing and was just stupidly laughing. It seemed so ridiculous. At first the boy looked at me so perplexed on why I was laughing. I’m pretty sure he thought I was mentally disturbed or something without a doubt! After a while he looked so intensely into me that he started smiling at me laughing. I don’t know if he was smiling at me in a good or bad way but the smile sure seemed dreamy then.  
   
  I managed to finally stop laughing as I sat back down in position trying to still calm down. I look back at him as I expressed to him “you have something on your face. Lower down.” I instructed him to a mark as he tried to rub it off not knowing half his face is covered with marks. I couldn’t control it again and burst out laughing one more time this time laughing for longer. Eventually I was able to stop laughing. It was really a mission but I survived it. 
  “Are you okay now?” The guy asked being very worried. 
  “Yes I’m good thanks.” I replied still chuckling. 
  “Good, I’m Lionel by the way. Lionel Mitty. That’s two T’s but one T being silent.” He told me his name, clearing out the explanation of his surname. 
  “Ah Mitty. Sounds unique, I’m Lillian Marwick. You can call me Lilly.” I replied back thinking it’s safe to tell him my name. 
  “Lilly, beautiful name you have there. It matches with your beautiful eyes.” He complimented me. Usually I wouldn't be so flattered about these sort of cheesy lines. But I don't know why he made me giggle when saying it as a weird seriousness had appeared on my face. “So Lilly, what are you planning on doing in Spain?” Lionel continued saying. 
  “Well, my friends wanted to have a beach holiday. Spain seemed just about right.” I replied. 
  “And where are these friends?” 
  “Sitting back in aisle M11, M12, M whatever...” 
  “And you are stuck here with me in D?” 
  “Sounds pretty much right to me dude.” 
   
  We spoke for the rest of hour journey getting to know each other becoming mainly just friends. Even he was going for his holidays, but he was going alone. Me being crazy yet so kind I offered him to join me and my friends thinking what would the guy do alone in Spain even though there are many things he could do. Not that I forced him to come with us or anything... 
   
  “And that’s your time up for the day in fact we went on two minutes extra Lillian Marwick.” Faith shakes me out of my own story and tells me. 
  “Oh, that was pretty quick Faith.” I reply in a shock. 
  “Yeah when you are telling something interesting, you kind of forget the time going past Lilly.” 
  “Well thanks for listening to all this.” 
  “Wait this is just the beginning right? This is just the little part.” Faith asks curiously. 
  “Indeed faith. Indeed.” I grab onto my bag and walk towards the door and look back at Faith as she puts her pen and note pad back in place. “See you tomorrow Faith” I say promisingly. 
   
  Starting a story can be easy; dragging it a long can be difficult. You need to come in with every detail and situation and you need to face the truths and facts. Life brings a person to many stages. They face the ups and the down, but the better person is that strongest person who goes to a million yet is still stood on two feet with that smile across its face and a mind full with idea of future and new opportunities. 
   
   
   
   
   
   Chapter Three  
    “You’re late.” Faith states out as I enter her office walking in very calmly and actually seeming happier than before.  “By a minute or two.” I say trying to seem apologetic but failing.  “Every minute counts in life Lilly.”  “Sure does Faith!” I agree and sit on the chair opposite her.  “I booked you today for two hours. Hope that’s ok I just want you to finish your story as quick as possible honestly.”  “Wow, two hours really? Why do you seem so desperate to know the story Faith?”  “Well...” she stops and thinks of what to say as she continues speaking “Well, I just want to hear it all out and start working on how I can help you.” I look up at her and smile.     We’ve never seen each other, yet we are always there for another. You seem like this imaginary friend living every moment with me even though you’re so far. I imagine ourselves being good friends forever even if we die. Yes, that last bit was figurative but it’s worth trying I won’t lie. The moment we met I didn't know how important you would mean to me, it’s a shame I can’t seem to express the feel. I may be a total weirdo but you don’t let me be one alone. I feel the love for you more and more knowing somewhere inside you without me your heart would be a little sore. Our friendship is pretty rare that’s for sure and our opinions for each other are so pure. Ask me my true opinion about you, I’ll look into your eyes and say there’s no specific words that can describe you. I know this is all true, I hope you think so too!     “Mass, Max and Kat. Kat is my sister and the two boys are my neighbours. Unfortunately Mass is my best friend as well.” I explained to Lionel, now going back into my story.  “Unfortunately?” Mass asked giving out his evil eyes to me.  “I was joking, honestly your sense of humour is fading away the older you get Mass!” I spoke out laughing as everyone else started laughing with me. He looked away whilst grabbing onto his suitcase and started walking off. Kat and Max following behind him as Lionel and me stay back waiting for our baggage's to come.    “So Mass? Just best friend?” Lionel asked curiously but trying to make it sound like a little tease.   “Mass? Yes, pretty much. Although first time I met him, I thought he had this ridiculous crush on me but then when we became best friends that doubt went in time thankfully.” I responded with a silly laugh.  “Is there any chance he does like you?” Lionel asked in such seriousness.  I stopped searching for our bags and looked up at him “you think so?” I whispered out to him.  “I don't know. I don’t know anything really. I’m just assuming stuff here. Anyways we better get our bags and catch up with them now!” He broke the tension and we rushed to get our bags.  “You never liked anyone?” I questioned seeming very interested. He looked at me and gave a small yet very cute chuckle and then looked down putting his phone in his pocket. He didn’t say anything, I assumed he didn't want to discuss something like this with me. Perhaps we were still a sort of strangers to one another since we only met a few hours ago. We started walking out of the airport as I was wondering in my own thoughts.    “I want to go to the toilets!” Kat demanded as she stopped quickly and Max banged into her.  “Really now? Can't you wait until we get to the hotel?” Max questioned seeming so desperate to get to our accommodation.  “No! I shall not wait! In fact hold onto my suitcase I'll be two minutes!” She passes her baggage to Max and rushed off whilst then Mass and Max go to get a drink from the closes shop within the airport. Lionel and me stood there in patience waiting for everyone to come back.    It kind of felt a little awkward since we weren't saying much. We actually hardly spoke. I had no idea what was in my mind since I'm always just really clueless. Lionel took a deep breath as he turned to look at me and eventually took words out of his mouth. “I don’t go around looking for much or many. I walk in and out, day and night, seasons to season in search of one specific. Eyes that lighten in every darkness. Smile that rises every heartbeat. Voice that calls out so pure. Hair that dances through the cold breeze. Skin that lays thin and beautifully. But I'm afraid this is just in every dream as now I live in reality, where there's nowhere to search. Nowhere at all.” I looked up at him as I starred right into his light brown shinny eyes. His words, they were so touching. So pure, so amazing. The way he spoke out it was kind of freaky because he didn't seem like himself but they were definitely his words. They were really his thoughts. He amazed me in the way he spoke those words out of his mouth standing right next to me. Whilst he spoke that small awkwardness that was there had vanished. Gone forever it seemed like. I could feel myself seeming so shocked and my face showing my feelings as my eyes wouldn't stop looking up to him and were stuck at him. I wanted to reply back saying something to him but I couldn’t seem to say anything. I was too involved in the moment. I felt like I was...    “In love?” Faith breaks out asking as she takes me out of my story and breaks me from the thought.  “Faith! No, honestly how could you think of such a thing! It was nothing. It just felt like I could really get use to him.” I reply back at first seeming in a horror then relaxing myself down.  “Oh? Really Lilly?”  “Yes Faith, beside he didn't really seem my type. Well he didn't back then.”  “So that means he is your type now? That means you are together now?”  “Am I going to finish the story or not?”  “Oh yes, please continue.” She stops herself from talking and lets me continue my story.    The other three were back from where they had gone and we left the airport to go to our hotel. We got a cab and waited in the busy traffic as it took use about one hour to get to where we were going to stay. It was pretty ridiculous, as the journey from the airport to the hotel was maximum twenty-five to thirty minutes. I sat there with everyone just being so impatient cursing the traffic.    I was a really impatient person; in fact I still am but back then in that young life I was way more impatient. I can see within the years how much transformation has occurred within me. I see the difference and I see me being a whole new person but then again not everything can be changed in a person. I still have some things in me. I still have the craziness I had back then. I guess not everyone get to see that part.     “This is just typically ridiculous!” I blabbed out sounding so annoyed and frustrated.  “Oh calm down Lilly. Stop being such a pain.” Mass demands making me even more annoyed.  “I’m hungry!” Max stated out.  “Aren’t you always hungry!” Kat laughed out saying as Max looked away to the other side.  “Shut up everyone. I’m exhausted and tired and bored and hungry and...” I broke out speaking.  “And you seem very annoying!” Lionel interrupted me and took over what I was saying as I quietened down and look at him.  “You are pretty annoying right now Lilly.” Mass agreed as well as Kat and Max nodding their heads. I sat there in shock thinking how rude Lionel sounded in that moment. He didn't seem like one to sound so rude or say something like that to anyone. Or was someone who would be rude? I was so puzzled.    I finally got out of the confusion and with anger in my voice I replied back to him. “Annoying? I am not annoying!” And then I went into a small thought and continued talking. “You’re annoying!” Everyone looked up at me and started laughing including Lionel himself. I again sat there in confusion thinking why they were laughing. Have they gone insane or was it me? Even the cab driver had eventually started laughing.  “Lilly, listen to yourself. I am not the one complaining and moaning all the time and complain about some silly traffic.” Lionel backfired saying as I gave him such a horrendous look.  “Yeah well... No one wants you here! If you have a problem you can go and get another cab!” I hit back now making it seem like this was some sort of war. The problem with me back then was I could get annoyed and angry very easily. It didn't take much to annoy me or get my anger out. Everyone knew how bad my temper was. I feel now I still have a bad temper but it’s more controlled than before. At least now I don't go around breaking stuff. Thankfully.  “Lets vote. Who over here has a problem with me being in the same cab with all of you?” I raised my hand up in such a hurry hoping everyone else would raise his or her too. Well I know this would sound just stupid but back then no one raised their hands! Seriously, how can you stay in a cab with such an annoying person! I think my thoughts for Lionel was actually wrong. He is this rude, annoying and stupid person. I had now really started to dislike him. Even though he came out so annoying somewhere inside me I still was glad that he was there. That he was in the cab with us. Being with my three idiots and me. Inside somewhere I was happy that he was there. But this doesn't change the fact that he was so annoying!  “Do you know what! I’m just not going to talk to anyone of you from now!” I spoke out sounding so firm and confident with what I said.     They didn’t reply to what I said and we continued waiting to get to our hotel as the traffic was now reducing and he heat out there was now lowering down. We all finally reached and got out of the cab taking out our suitcases with us and walking into the hotel. Being so stubborn and sticking what I had said earlier I didn't talk to any of them and went first to the hotel reception where a young man sat waiting to greet me. He had a black and blue uniform on with a random shade of colours on his tie. He has an amazing little cute smile on his face. He seemed like on of those charming men. I got my room keys from him and walked off giving him a quick wink and half a smile not worrying about the others behind me.     “Wow, you were a stubborn one.” Faith takes me out of my thoughts and stories, whilst establishing my character.  “That hasn’t changed.” I reply back saying, though it is more of a mumble.  “And Lionel, you started to dislike him?”  “Did you not hear what I said? He sounded so rude!”  “So you liked him then disliked him? Is it a love hate friendship?”  “The thing is Faith, it wasn’t just friendship. Back then honestly I didn't know what it was.” I tell Faith knowing in mind exactly what it was.  “Well you better continue you’ve only got fifty minutes left of your session.” Faith reminds me as I continue.    The day went passed so easily and fast as when the evening appeared I knew it was my turn to shine. As I had already mentioned I was that crazy girl, risky girl, the party freak. I couldn't miss any moment of my holiday focusing on how annoying I was. I knew they were all missing me. Even somewhere in Lionel’s mind he was missing me as well. They were just testing how long the not talking thing would last. My friends and I had a very strong bond. Kat and me are very close sisters, she was someone who could understand me and just know everything. Katherine was amazing. But no one really could take Mass’s place. Growing up with Mass and Max we had become so close that even if we argued we couldn't stay angry for such a long time. I knew eventually either I would go and start talking to them or they would come to me.    “Wait sorry Lilly but can you describe your friendship. What is it really that keep you lot together? What is your actual thought about it? What is this bond?” Faith rushes me into present and asks. I was at first very peculiar about why she would want to know that. But then again I was with my therapist.  “You know what’s funny Faith? They asked me the same question once.” I laugh and tell her.  “Really and what did you reply saying back to them?”  “I believe in us that's for sure. Our friendship will grow more and more. Through the time I've known you, you have made everyday moment memorable. I cant stop thanking you it just has to be understandable. Even if I tried to drift away from you it’s just impossible. Because distance from us isn't possible. My life without you would actually suck. You being in my life is my luck.”    I look up at Faith as a tear drops out of her eye. I grab a tissue from her desk and pass it on to her.  “How can you love them so much?” She questions me, her voice half cutting.  “Magic” I reply sounding half-serious half-joking.  “Only if everyone could do those kind of magic Lilly. Anyways continue your story.”    I hurried changing into nice fancy clothes not actually caring about my shoes. Thing was I would love wearing all nice fancy clothes but when it came to shoes I just wanted something simple. I hated heels! This was due to the fact that in high heels I wouldn't be able to move around easily and do all those crazy things I use to do. For example, getting drunk and being chased by a total random person. How could I possibly run in heels? Last time I tried I remember myself in bed the next day with a broken ankle. I wouldn't ever go down that side again!    After getting ready and wearing comfortable shoes I grabbed onto my phone and keys and rushed down to what they called a nightclub. The horror of seeing what was there was just so much to take in that moment. What I had entered into was definitely not a nightclub. It was in fact nothing! What was this hotel thinking when making this outrageous thing! Very dim light, in fact light that was hardly shown! Smoke everywhere, I could’ve roasted in there. Staff so poor and service so rubbish. I had to wait fifteen minutes for my first drink. This was just so pathetic! In a silly depression of where I was and not knowing where on earth the others were I sat at the bar drinking a few shots. One went down, following by two, three, and four. Seven followed by eight, nine and finally ten. I officially had no control on what I was doing until I met someone. Someone who interested me in such a weird way.    “Calm down there, you’ll finish the whole bar in that drinking speed!” A voiced demanded from the side of me. I looked to my right side as a boy and a girl sat there looking at me trying to hold onto my balance whilst sitting on the tall black stool.   “Pardon?” I asked not sure if the person was talking to me or the girl next to him.   “The drinking, calm down with it. You’ve had about ten shots.” The boy called out still sitting next to a girl.  “Ten, really?” I asked in shock now not even knowing where I was.  “My names Shern. Shern Smith.” He introduced himself as the girl next to him started walking off somewhere. I assumed she was leaving to go somewhere else.  “Lillian Marwick, but you my friend can call me Lilly.” I laughed and told him.  “Lilly, that’s a cool name there.”  “I know right!”  “Hey Lilly, are you ok?”  “Why wouldn’t I be?”  “Well, you've had about ten strong shots and you are here alone.”  “My friends are here somewhere. I don't know where but here. Am I making any sense to you Sh-sh? Wait what did you say your name was? Sting, String, sherp what?”  “Shern, but you can call me Sherry. Everyone likes to call me that instead of Shern.”  “Sherry, I see. Like the drink.”  “Yes indeed. Do you want some help getting back to your room or something?” He asked politely and seeming caring.  “NO Sherry! I need to make a big complaint! I very BIG complaint!”  Sherry nodded his head and chuckled then asked “and what is this complaint about?”  “Look how terrible this place looks! This is the worse place ever! It’s ruining this hotel and it is so dead!” I established all the bad things to him as he sat there for about twenty minutes listening to all the rubbish I was blabbing out being more drunk than ever.  “Ah I totally understand what you are saying. We should go and complain!” He spoke out laughing when speaking knowing how hilarious this was going to be.    We walked out of the horrific place and walked towards the reception. I was kind of hoping that young male receptionist was there. The one that greeted me in the morning but my hopes were just failing from the moment I had landed. As we reached to the reception Sherry pulled me ahead and stood me up straight and waited for me to say something as the receptionist looked at me having a really weird and expressionless face. There stood a old yet seeming very grumpy man who had a pretty much fake smile across his face and his hair was half burnt off I'm assuming. Since I was so drunk I actually don’t know what I was looking at for all I know it could’ve been some random lamppost or something.     “Sir, I have a complaint to make.” I exploded saying not knowing what I was actually going to say. Whilst I started speaking with that opening sentence Sherry stood behind me trying to control his laugh as well as trying to act very serious as I then continued speaking. “You call that a nightclub?”  “Madam, I'm confused on what the problem is here.” The old man spoke out seeming very confused.   “The filthy club you have. The bar, the roasting area. Whatever that is, it is horrendous!”  “But madam...”  “Don’t but me young man” I stopped for a second and thought about what I just said. Did I just call an old man a young man? I quickly froze out of my thought and try to correct myself making it worse. “I mean old man, young old man. I mean MAN!” I took a step back as I saw the man being very angry at what I ha said. I could assume that he would slap me if he got the moment to do that. I took a deep breath and stepped back.  “You have this! You’re doing it right. Keep going Lillian.” Sherry encouraged me knowing how bad I'm doing in that moment.   “Sherry I think he wants to slap me or something. Just look at his face. It’s redder than a tomato!” I spoke out to Sherry not knowing that what I thought was whispering was in fact just me normally talking. The man looked at me in such anger and Sherry started pushing me away and taking me out to cool down.     “Hey Sherry why are we out here? I still have so many complaints to make!” I questioned him in a worry.  “Well I think you’ve done enough for the day Lilly.” Sherry told me whilst doing a little giggle.   “I did? Anyways I want to sleep now I guess I’ll go back to my room. Nice meeting you Shern.”  “Ah, that’s probably a good idea. Nice to meet you too Lillian.”  I slowly started walking backwards not knowing where I was walking as I was trying to say bye to Sherry “Goodbye my dear friend, I shall see you an...” Loosing my pathetic balance I fell right down the pool that I hadn't noticed was there as I splashed around not knowing what just happened. Sherry rushed to the side of the pool to see if I was ok as I came upwards and gasp for air. He looked at me in such a fret to see if I was harmed as I laughed and yelled out to him “I’m ok Sherry and I’m alive!” He laughed at my stupidity and gave his hand out to me helping me get out of the pool. I started shaking myself like a little kid side to side to get half the water out of me and dry up a little because I was soaked up. I finally said my goodbyes and went straight to my room falling down onto my bed still being so wet. Not giving a thought about anything. I fell asleep and hoped for a better morning tomorrow.    Life is given in such strange ways. Do you remember when you were little and you were raised? Then it came to a point where you had too much to face. Life continued going ahead like a race. You don't know what happened and how, but you start to realise what you want to do, you do it now. Your life is full of memories that can’t leave. Good ones to make that’s something to achieve. You never know when life will end, so be happy in life and don’t always try to pretend! 
   
   
   
   Chapter Four  
    “So let me sum all this up. You decide to go on a vacation with your friends and your sister. You meet a guy name Lionel on the plane and he tags along with you. Coming out of the airport you get stuck in traffic and Lionel becomes the bad guy in your mind. You don't spend the first day of your vacation with your friends but instead get ridiculously drunk and end up falling in a swimming pool and spending your evening with a random guy that you didn’t even know.” Faith concludes the story making it sound so short and easy to remember.  “Ah, vacations, Lionel, traffic, Sherry, pool yes they all sounds pretty much right me Faith!” I agree with what she tells me as I reach out for a glass of water and take a quick sip.  “You were really drunk right?” Faith asks knowing the answer already.  “Yes I was.”  “So did you meet Shern again or was that the only time?”  “Faith relax, we still have another two weeks to go though!” I laugh and reply.    We are in this moment here. Don’t know where we’ll be tomorrow. We may or may not meet; we may or may not be there. But we stay in hearts forever.    “Ah, my head!” The bright sun shinned right through the light curtains and shinned over me as I lay on top of a big cosy bed. The light struck right my eyes and I squinted them and turned out knowing how much of a bad headache I had. Morning headaches are the worse things! I’ve always hated them, but then again hasn’t everyone! I forced myself of my bedding landing hard on the floor realising drinking last night wasn’t my best idea! Not knowing anything about last night I crawled towards the bathroom and brought myself up as I started washing my face and brushing my teeth. I could still feel my body be a little wet though as I changed into something more decent a flashback came my mind. It was very odd. I could remember falling into a swimming pool which basically explained me feeling so wet. Randomly random flashes started appearing to my mind. I could remember me talking to an old man. I could remember me drinking heavily. I could remember talking to guy whose name I honestly didn't remember. Forgetting about my yesterday I got fully dressed and went to have breakfast knowing everyone would have already booked a table and attacked the food.     “Morning all” I entered the dinning area where I saw everyone including Lionel. Sitting at the table stuffing their faces with food. I walked around the big table and went and sat in between Lionel and Mass as they all looked at me with a smile on their faces.  “Well good morning Lillian!” Max replied back saying trying to sound a little cheeky.   I grab a plate and started putting a variety of food on my plate not knowing what I would eat first. Usually I wouldn’t eat much however that day I was so hungry, stuffing my mouth with food. I don’t know what this hunger was but it was definitely a lot of it!    “Hey Lilly, I’m sorry about yesterday. Don’t know what happened to me yesterday.” Lionel spoke out sounding very apologetic.  “It’s ok Lio I guess I’m sorry too.” I replied forgiving him.  “Well then what shall we do today?” Kat asked in excitement.  “I have no idea!” I said thinking.  “What about doing something on the beach. Let’s relax for today.” Lionel suggested.  “You’re going to be with us for the two whole weeks?” Mass asked sounding like he wanted to get rid of Lionel.  “Oh no, my friend Logan is coming in three days. I’ll be with him.” Lionel replied.  “Logan, who is that?” I asked sounding interested.  “Logan Akins is my childhood best friend. We’ve been together since the age of five. Since then we go everywhere together. He had some certain things holding him back this time so he will be coming after and I came here before him.” Lionel explained.  “Ah, well I want to meet him!” I ordered as he nodded with an agreement and we all finished eating our breakfast so we could move on to our day.    This is something, something to you. Something from my heart, something that's the truth. I looked at my life a year before and I look at it now. I saw myself bad but now that I have met you I don't feel sad. There was no time taken for us to become good friends. No time taken for us to tell each other our issues. Obviously I was the one to blabber more. There took no time taken for us to realise our stupidity and awesomeness. There was no time taken for us to be how we are now! Grateful isn't the word I look for when I think of our friendship. It’s not that I am not grateful, I'm more grateful than anything but the word itself gives our friendship a low level. Our friendship is so powerful that no word can specifically describe it. Our friendship is so confident that no one can lose it. OUR friendship is so amazing that no one can take it and lastly our friendship is so beautiful that no one can break it. You seem to have this fear of lost but I can assure you, assure you that you will only just gain. Gain love, trust, honesty and a stronger friendship. I could make this description full of big heavy meaning and powerful words but why would I if there are small simple words that are easily understandable and simple to use to describe our simple beautiful friendship.    “So a new person introduced. Faith notes down talking to herself I presume.  “Yes, but there’s more to come.” I say right after and then go back into my past.    We all ran across the sandy beach in that hot sunny day. As the sun shinned on us like a spotlight we laid there for sometime just enjoying the moment. There was this relaxation in that moment. My mind and heart were both very calm. I could hear the nearby seagulls calling out to one another. I could hear the waves clashing against each other. From the distance were couples, friends, and families playing and enjoying life. I could feel a satisfaction in me for no specific reason.    “Let’s make a sandcastle!” Kat demanded whilst getting up in such excitement.   “Yes, let’s do it!” Max jumped up right after her.  “Oh Katherine, you are a pain sometimes.” I spoke out lazily. We all got up and grabbed onto either a bucket or a small plastic shovel and started building. Seemed pretty childish but I must admit it was funny and amusing. After making an amazing first sandcastle it was becoming really easy and boring so we had to make it more interesting.  “How about two teams and sand castle competition?” I suggested knowing I would win.  “Fine” Lionel agreed to the suggestion.  “Me, Max and Lionel on one team again you and Mass.” Kat ordered the team and we set of making out sandcastles. I rushed to gather sand in my bucket whilst Mass stood there knowing I have control of everything whilst Kat and Max on the other side argued on who does what and Lionel building something for their team ignoring the argument. I laughed knowing I will be done before them as I was indeed an expert on these kind of things. I knew that and even Mass knew that very clearly.  “Done” I yelled out in such happiness as Mass came forward for a hug of victory.  “Well, so are we I guess.” Lionel said right after looking so disappointed. As I took a quick look at what he had created laughter exploded out of the others and me as I continued to laugh the most in all of us he looked at me in such embarrassment and started laughing at what he had made himself. It was really a half-broken square shaped sand stuck gathered together with random stones stuck within it.  “Well this is interesting! You should build us a beautiful house just like that so we all can live in it!” I spoke out sarcastically.  “Oh really Lilly?”   “Yes Lionel, indeed!” I managed to take out of me still laughing about it as he approaches up and come after chasing me. I push Mass out of the way and start to run directing to my right side. Leaving everyone else behind I ran Lionel chasing behind me.    We ran ahead for several minutes going further away from Kat, Max and Mass. Slowly Lionel and me were running out of breathe since we had been running for some time non stop! I hadn’t run this much in such a long time. It was tiring but it felt good for sure. He finally caught up to me and grabbed me from the arm as we both tripped over me falling on top of him. We lay there on the sandy cool beach as the sun started going and the moon started to appear. We lay there catching back our breath and still laughing so much. I eventually rolled off him to side and then was lying next to him.     “Lionel” I took out of me.  “Yes Lilly?” He asked.  “I'm glad I met you. Even though it was really random I’m glad we met. I thought wrong of you.”  “I'm glad we met too Lilly.”  “Lio” I called out.  “Yes Lillian?”  “I’m sorry.”  “Well I hope you’re only apologising for the drawing you did on my face during the journey!” I looked at his and gave a big smile as a little giggle came out of me.  “Ah, you realise. Well yes I'm sorry about that.”  “Don't worry about it. It only took me about four hours to get rid of it!” He replied sounding half-sarcastic. I continued smiling.  “You’ll stay in touch when we get back right?”  “Of course, I think we will be great friends from now onwards.”    I looked into his eyes and saw some sort of truth in his words. Maybe we weren't so much of strangers now. Maybe it was a new level of friendship. I was glad I had apologised to Lionel. The apology wasn't actually for what I did on the plane. It was specifically for how I had acted with him the day before. How I thought he was rude and annoying. Maybe I judged him too quickly. He was without a doubt an amazing guy. I was proud to know it now.    I closed my eyes for a second now lying beneath the half-bright half-dark sky. Evening was now appearing and the sea had become calmer than before. The atmosphere seemed more relaxed and I finally found some sort of peace. Peace until a loud horrific sound came from nearby as I broke out of my moment and sat up straight, Lionel getting up with me.     “What on earth was that?” I asked Lionel in horror.  “I have no idea lets go and see” Lionel suggested. We walked across the beachside onto the entrance of the hotel we were staying at. Ahead I saw a white with a highlight of yellow and blue surround the outline of a car. A car was crashed against the side of the hotels big bins. I stood there being puzzled thinking how can such a small thing make so much noise and ruin that peaceful moment I was having. Smoke started appearing out of the front bonnet of the car as it was all crashed and broken apart. It looked like the car had crashed into a big solid brick wall instead of big plastic bins full of dirt. It was all just very confusing. Whilst I stood there trying to figure out what exactly happened Lionel standing beside me was smiling so happily. It gave the impression that he knew what had happened. It seemed like he had figured it all out.    “Ah” Lionel whispered out to himself still having that smile on his face. He walked slowly towards the car me following behind him. “You landed here early” he continued saying. At first I thought he was talking to himself since I couldn't see anyone there but then when I got out of my confusion and looked closely there was some movement in the crashed car. The door opened out wide being half broken and a guy came out in such slow motion. He looked up at Lionel with a cheeky smile and grabbed onto him giving him such a massive hug like if they were long lost brothers who had just reunited. There it stood. The person who stole my peaceful moment, who dramatically entered into my life through a small car crash that I was still a little bedazzled about. Lionel interestingly talked to the person as I stood there behind him hardly being noticed as I observed the person.    He was a little taller than Lionel, an inch or two. He had spiked up his hair and got a stylish trim on his sides. His skin being so pale clashed with his light blue eyes. His voice tone was sort of decent, not too deep nor too low. He stood there wearing jeans with a purple colour vest and a half-black half-grey colour hoody around his waist.     “And how did you manage to give such a dramatic entrance at our accommodation?” Lionel’s voice started fading in as I started concentrating on what they were talking about.  “Don't even ask” he replied in a cheeky tone.  “Don't make me ask again fool.” Lionel expressed back to him.  “Ok fine, well I got here early as you can see. My meeting was cancelled so I decided to give you a surprise.”  “Big surprise that would be mate.”  “Yes, big surprise. So I landed here and I really didn't want to come by taxi so I brought a car. Cheap deal really, shouldn't have listened to that Spanish boy. You really can’t trust these kinds!  “If you say so buddy.”  “I missed you a lot buddy.” The guy said sounding a little emotional.  “I missed you too” Lionel replied with half a chuckle.    Standing there for about twenty minutes sharp now the two boys paused from their conversation and the person’s eyes met mine. Not being able to have a long contact I lost the eye connection and looked to Lionel as he noticed me standing there.    “Hello there” he called out to me. Lionel looked at me and brought me forward holding onto me.  “Oh my bad, this is Lilly. Well her actual name is Lillian but we all call her Lilly. I met her on the plane and now we’re good friends.” Lionel quickly introduced me to a stranger who I really didn't want to know about.  “Ah, Lillian and Lio’s friend ok.” He summed up what Lionel had just told him as he glared deeply at me. It felt uncomfortable in the moment as I grabbed onto Lionel's arm.  “Lilly, this is my best friend. Remember I told you about him, Logan. He just arrived too early.” Lionel introduced me to him as I was trying to think back to when Lionel told me about him. I nodded and stood there with my arm within Lionel's as Logan still had his eyes on me.     “What do you plan on doing with this car now?” Lionel asked knowing the answer will be nothing.  “Nothing, just leave it. I’m sure someone will come running after it Lio.” Logan replied satisfying Lionel's already known answer.  “Lionel, I'm going to go and find the rest now. You spend time with your friend.” I said to him as I tried to get out of their ways.  “Are you sure Lilly? Do you want me to drop you?” Lionel asked caringly.  “Hey Lilly, don’t go. I just met you; maybe we could get a coffee or something.” Logan suggested.  “I don’t drink hot drinks unless it includes chocolate in it.” I replied sounding very stern I guess.  “Ah, a choco girl” he replied smiling. I left them alone and walked off as I could hear them laughing loudly. I looked back once as the pair of them were taking Logan's luggage out of the car boot and continued walking. Just before I turned to walk out of the area I looked back again as I saw Logan looking back to me whilst me looking back to him. There was something about this person. He seemed risky, he seemed outgoing, he may seem a bit fun but he really seemed dangerous. There was something in the way he looked, like if he was observing. Like if he wanted to open out something.     Just when I was about to turn I saw the two of them running behind me having such horrified expressions. I wondered why they were running as I noticed everyone behind them running as well. I ran back to them to ask what happened. As I reached to Lionel he grabbed onto me and made me run back with him. I ran in confusion thinking when to ask him why everyone were running. As we stooped against the hard brick wall a big explosion appeared right behind me as I turned to see the flames high up in the air.    “Don’t trust Spanish car sellers you say?” Lionel managed to take out saying it to Logan as he tried to catch his breath.  “I told you Lio, I’m warning you.” Logan spoke out trying to catch his breath too. They answered my question before I could even ask. It was Logan’s car that had exploded, obviously it had to eventually since the front of the car was busted. What played around my mind was how did it take so long for the car to actually explode. We were standing there for about twenty to fifteen minutes. I was glad we were far away from it though. I was glad no one was harmed. The only thing that was actually harmed was the hotel dust bins, the side walls of the hotel car park, a few of the ground floor windows and some other things, it wasn’t very vivid. Thankfully the hotel itself wasn't damaged, but I knew they were a lot payments Logan would have to pay.    “That sounded like an eventful time!” Faith calls out sound half-sarcastic and giggling.  “Sure, why not” I mumble out.  “Logan, why weren’t you into him? Why did you have a sort of distance?”  “I don’t really know myself. It seemed safer like that.”  “Well your sessions over. Wow the two hours went so fast.”  “The speed was pretty decent to me.”  “How much more is there to the story.”  “Ah, there's some time Mrs Lockwood.”  “Ok, well I will see you tomorrow again. Please don’t be late like today.”  “Ah, sorry about that. I just had a little distraction on the way.”  “What sort of distraction Lilly?” Faith asks me inquisitively.    I look up at her trying to get rid of that seriousness as I manage to take out of me “Traffic Faith.” I start laughing as the seriousness on her face starts to vanish and I walk out of her office. Walking pass the passageway and out of the building giving a small wink to the grumpy receptionist on my way out. 
   
   
   
   Chapter Five  
    You’re hard to get away from trust me on that. You’re always in my head no matter what. I don’t know why its you that’s there. Seems like your haunting me everywhere. When it gets dark you shine the light. Reminding me of the things that haven’t happened right. There is no conclusion to the mystery. You always give me a thought of my history.    “May I come in dear Faith?” I knock on Faith’s door asking her.  “Lilly, you’re on time today. That’s something new.” Faith responds back in happiness.  “Oh, that’s not the only thing new. There are a lot of new things Faith.”  “Really, such as?”  “When time comes you’ll find out Faith.” I speak out and go and sit on the chair.  “I started looking through your story I’m sort of confused about something.” Faith establishes.  “And what may that be?”  “Lionel and Logan they have some sort of like love towards you? Sherry came one night. He didn’t come back again?”  “Ah Sherry, maybe we should get straight into the story to get rid of that confusion.” I recommend and start from where I stopped yesterday. Faith nods and lets me continue.    A few days went passed and Lionel was still with us having fun obviously Logan tagging along too. Now Logan was fully introduced to everyone else and he fitted in pretty well with them but still I had this thing where I couldn’t be myself with him. It felt like he wanted something from me, he always looked at me in such a weird way. I was confused about him. Even Mass had a funny feeling about him. Being my best friend he was very protective about me. Imagine if I was his girlfriend, he wouldn’t even let anyone look at me. That’s how bad he was! But since Logan was Lionel’s best friend I guess I could accept him as a friend too.    “Guys guess what?” I rushed into Max and Mass’s room since Kat was there with them.  “Yes we know what you’re going to say and no we don’t want to go!” Max replied saying breaking down my excitement.  “Oh c'mon people, I want to have some fun!” I exploded out demanding.  “No Lilly, we don’t want to go to a beach party. We were thinking of going for evening sailing.” Kat took out.  “Evening sailing, that’s your big plan?” I said angrily.  “Yes and Lionel and Logan are coming with us!” Kat replied in happiness.  “Well you guess have fun! I’ll just go to the beach party myself.” I said to them whilst walking out of the room going to my room.    The afternoon went by so quickly as the evening started appearing. Everyone went to evening sailing whilst I stayed behind to get ready for the beach party. I knew I would be there alone but I had some sort of hope in me. A hope that I wished to come true. A wish for someone to be there. For someone to control me if I got too drunk. After getting ready grabbing onto my things I walked out in excitement and reaching the beach party. I could hear the beats of music from a far distance, which made me want to get there quicker. Reaching to my favourite place the bar I ordered a drink and took my first shot. A boy appears next to me holding a little glass in his hand as he came and sat on the stool next to mine.    “How did I know you’d be here?” Sherry said in a relief.  “I was hoping to meet you here.” I said back sounding more relieved than him.  “You’re alone again?”  “No, my friends have turned invisible.” I point to left and right as I introduce my ‘invisible’ friends sarcastically. “On the left you can see Mass and Max and on my right is my sister Kat. Say hello to Sherry guys!”  “You just drank one shot. You can’t be drunk already Lillian.”  “I am not drunk S-s. I’m sorry what was your name again?”  “Shern, but you can call me Sherry remember.”  “Ah, yes Sherry like the drink! Cheers to that.” I whispered and drank another shot.    “Here you are! I’ve been looking for you everywhere.” A girl appeared from behind Sherry talking to him. She had blonde hair with light green eyes and her skin being quite fair.   “I just found a friend and started talking. I’m sorry, would you like to get a drink or something?” Sherry replied back to her.  “No, I think I’ve had enough. In fact I’m going to go back to room and get room service. I’m hungry and tired.” She expressed and looked up at me.  “Ah, this is my friend Lilly. I met her a few days ago; we had some complaints to make.” He said that laughing as he continued speaking “and this is my sister Alexandra.”  “But you can call me Alex.” Alex interrupted Sherry’s introducing.   “Hello Alex, I’m Lillian but everyone calls me Lilly.” I greeted her in a polite tone.  “Pleasure to meet you Lilly, well I’m going to leave you two alone. I want my bed now.”  “Well see you around Alex.” I waved to her whilst she walked of after giving a sisterly hug to Sherry. As I started talking again, “she seems nice.”  “That’s because she is nice.” He replied chuckling and started talking again. “So what is the reason for you being alone tonight?”  “They didn’t want to come here.”  “And where are they now?”  “Evening sailing or something.”  “Sounds fun, so why don't we have some fun here!” He suggested.  “What are you suggesting Sherry.” I asked seeming interested and he smiled at me giving a small left eyewink.    “You two got all drunk didn’t you?” Faith interrupts showing out in thrill.  “Yes, that pretty much concludes it.” I laughed in happiness.  “How much did you do?”  “As much as we could cope with.”  “How much is that?”  “Ha, I lost count Faith. I lost count.”   “So you got drunk, and then what did you do?” She asks getting really into the story.   “Well...” I continue.    You’re a memory that won’t leave. You’re a memory that won’t go. You’re a memory that will haunt. You’re a memory that will hurt. You’re a memory forever.    I woke up the next morning not being in my bed. The sun was shinning strongly on me but I wasn’t anywhere inside the hotel. I was at some unknown place. As I bumped up and down lying on whatever I was I rubbed my left eye and gave out a small yawn. I could feel me not being alone. I knew someone was there with me. As I looked to my right I saw Sherry lying there beside me fast asleep. I tried to remember what I did the night before but I kept failing. I wasn’t fully sure of what happened and when it all happened. In a little shock I pulled myself up getting into a more shock! Where on earth was I?    I looked down too Sherry shaking him, trying to wake him up. It was actually impossible to wake him up. He wouldn’t seem to want to get up. Like if he was knocked out or something. I hit him, slapped him, and even tried to tickle him. I was hopeless, like the tickling would actually work. I was such a fool. I sat there tears a second away from my eyes as I heard a small movement from Sherry. His eyes opened wide as he brought himself up and looked at me.    “Where are we Lilly? Why are we in a boat?” He looked around his surrounding. We were in fact in a small boat all alone surrounded by water everywhere. Not knowing where we were and where the boat was leading us too. Unaware of our location and how we even ended up in a boat we sat there puzzled.  “Where and why you ask Sherry? How did I even get into a freaking boat? Why am I even in a boat?” I screamed out to him having a bad headache. Sherry’s face was very expressionless he didn't even know how to react. I waited for him to fix himself but instead he sat there being useless.  “Well look on the bright side Lilly.” He smiled and said.  “There is no bright side here Sherry!” I yelled out to him!  “Well yes there is! You have me here.”  “You call that the bright side?”  “Fine, I have you here!”  “Again, that is the bright side?”  “Fine, there is no bright side!” He sat there crossing his arms with a little grumpy face.    I signed and went a little closer to him and put my arm around his shoulder saying “ok, maybe there is a bright side. This would be a kind of adventure. Only if we survive it.”  He smiled and replied saying “yes, an adventure! Ah, this will be fun Lilly!”  “Yes, yes it will Sherry.” I looked at him as he observed what was around him. I had forgotten about everyone back at the hotel and involved myself in where I was now. I had no idea where I was or how I got there. All I knew was I was with Sherry.    “You two got stuck somewhere on the ocean not knowing where on earth you were?” Faith exclaims out.  “I still don’t know what I did that night. Eventually we were able to remember falling into a boat making it land in the sea. I also remember us singing very loudly. That’s about it.” I respond to her.  “That’s definitely not about it. I can assure you, you did more than that. You just don’t remember.” Faith brings out.  “I know I just don’t know what I did.” I reply laughing.  “And what about the others?” Faith asks worrying.    “So you met Lionel on the plane and he seems like a really good guy.” Sherry spoke out as I started telling Faith what I remembered from that night.  “Yes, he is adorable, I’m still not fully aware of Logan yet though. I don’t know why.” I believed.  “Do you think he has a like for you?”  “Lionel or Logan?” I asked him seeming confused.  “Both I guess.”  “ Well I don’t think Lionel likes me. But Logan, he has something for sure. It may not even be a like but there's something that makes him concentrate on me.”  “What about Mass?”  “What about him?”  “Doesn’t he have feelings for you?”  “No, he’s just my best friend. Everyone seems to say that. I don’t know why.”  “Well maybe they see what you don’t.”  “No, it’s nothing he’s just my best friend that's all!” I demanded.    Sherry looked up closely too me as our eyes connected. That smile I had on my face had started disappearing as he looked deeply into my eyes. He held onto my hand and took a deep breath and spoke out “what do you think about Lionel?”  In a weird thought I replied saying “I’m not specifically sure what words would describe him. Honestly Sherry, when I’m with this random stranger he keeps me alive. He keeps me more than happy. He’s a great friend without a doubt and he brings this energy to me whenever I see him. Sometimes we argue and annoy each other but isn’t that part of friendship? If I knew him more I could almost say that I” I stopped for a second as I looked away from Sherry and he gave a small chortle.  “Love him” he finished my sentence. I didn't want to say love as I was always so afraid of it.  “Oh don’t me so daft Sherry!” I yelled out trying to break the awkward serious tension.  “You know Lilly, I have no rights to actually tell you what you should or not do. But when the fact is stated that is so obvious you should agree with it.”  “I have no idea what you are talking about! I want some more drinks, you coming or not?” I broke out of the conversation and went of in search for some drinks Sherry following behind.    From there everything became clear. We got our drinks and sat nearby the sea drinking away and laughing. We talked for some time until I had the urge to walk around and do stuff. Again I’m not so clear on what I did but it wouldn’t have been the best things. Finding a boat during the walk we went and stood in it thinking it would be tied to something and wouldn’t just go off somewhere. Laughing and yelling out singing we didn’t realise that the boat was moving as it hit a big rock on the side and we fell down in the boat being unconscious.     “So you admitted you were in love?” Faith broke out saying.  “Not really Faith” I say in shock.  “Yes Lillian, you did admit. You just didn’t say it in an obvious way.”  “No, I didn't!”  “Yes you did, you stated it in front Sherry.”  “Do you want me to complete this story or not?”  “Please, continue your interesting story.” Faith says whilst noting things down again.    “I’m hungry Sherry!” I explode out informing him whilst still sitting in the boat as the sun shinned out so bright.  “I'm hungry too Lilly!” He agreed and spoke back. I could hear the birds freely flying above us, the fishes swimming below us and the water splashing against the bottom part of the boat. In search for a place where we could stop, maybe an island I spotted something from a distance.  “Sherry look, an island!” I showed him.  “Thank god, we found a place!”  “We?” I asked with a grumpy face.  “Fine, you found it. Same thing Lilly.”    We reached to the island and jumped out of the boat and started running onto the sandy island, me running ahead as Sherry runs behind me.   “I bet you can’t catch me!” I screamed out to him still running.  “Oh, are you sure about that?” I answered sounding very confident as he took control of his speed and started running fast behind me. I had randomly gained so much energy in me as I ran so fast ahead of me, running into some sort of forest. Running of the sandy beach into a forest full of trees and leaves all around. It felt a moment of freedom. I had nothing to worry or focus about; all I had in mind was to run, run as fast as I could. Having running for a while now I looked back to see where Sherry would be as I could see him running behind me not being too far from me still having confidence across his face as I looked forward in such a hurry and banged into someone. I grabbed onto my breath and gasp for some oxygen as I brought my heartbeat to normal and looked up to see who caught onto me.    My eyes opened out in a shock and my mind went totally blank. My face turning pale from the redness that was on it first and my throat went half-dry. I looked up to find myself banging into Logan. Many questions came to my mind. Many of which I couldn’t really answer myself. What was he doing here? How did he get here? Did he already know I was here or lost? I wanted to ask him but was afraid to say anything to him. I never used to talk to him much before either. In my entire life he was the first person I wanted to keep distance from. Slowly behind me Sherry caught up and he stopped beside me catching his breath and half bending down his hands being on his waist. I assumed he had a small cramp from that entire fast running. He looked up at Logan with a surprise on his face as well as mine.    “Shern Smith, what a pleasant surprise to see you here.” Logan called out him as I looked at Logan in such confusion. How did Logan know Sherry?  “Chasing girls I’m assume.” A voice came from the side as a tall girl walked out through the trees to our right.  “Ah, Abigail you are here too.” Sherry spoke out with a side smile.  “And you must be Lillian Marwick.” She came to me holding her hand out expecting a handshake.  “Lilly, everyone call me Lilly.” I managed to take out.  “Well everyone call me Abi.” She told me.  “Good, I guess.”  “Yes, yes it is.” She looked at me very deeply and then turned her face to Logan.  “You three know each other?” I asked in confusion.  “We go quite back, don’t we Sherry?” Logan spoke out.  “Long time hadn’t seen you my buddy!” Sherry spoke out in a humour.   “Let’s all just go back to the hotel, I'm sure we all have to meet someone.” Logan demands as we all agree at start walking back to the hotel.    I held onto Sherry's arm as we walked feeling a little nervous. He felt like a really good friend now. Being with him I felt a little safe. Being with him I felt a little calm. It felt insane but good at the same time.    Remember when we were together, remember when we were friends? You were my protector and I was your happiness. You were the one I told everything to and I always tried to take things out of you. You were the one I trusted the most, I was the one you would run to, no matter how many miles away you were. You were the one that always kept a smile on my face and listened to all issues I've ever faced. You were the one that supported me. You are the one that helped me. You are the one who truly knew me. You are the one who always somehow understood me. You are the one who assured me no matter whatever happens you’ll be there for me. You are the reason for my old happiness. You are the one I could be angry with but know I would come back to you. You are the one that took me for who I was. You were the one who tolerated my stubbornness, my randomness, my stupidity, my weirdness, my anger, me. You are the one who loved me for how I was. You were the one that used to take me out of my confusion...    
   
   
   
   Chapter Six  
    ...So tell me this, why aren't you the one you were first? Because you were indeed the one that was my best friend. You are the one I always rely on. You are the one I cannot live without. You are the one that no one can replace. You are the one who knows my fears. Then why are you being the one that’s slowly leaving me alone knowing my fear?    “Look who we found when searching for dear Lillian.” Abi spoke out when we reached to on of the hotel rooms, having Lionel already standing near the big window in the room.  Sherry looks up at Lionel and with a smile on his face he goes towards him greet him, “Lionel my buddy!”  “Sherry, we found you quicker than last time.” Lionel spoke out to him, me standing in the back still in confusion.   “Lionel?” I looked up at him in such happiness and take a step forward to go and hug him as Logan took a strong grip onto my arm and stopped me from going forward.  “Logan let go of her.” Lionel demanded.  “No, I think I'm going to hold onto her. I don’t want her getting drunk and getting lost again.” Logan declined what Lionel demanded.  “Let go of her Logan, let her go and see her friends.” Lionel demanded again.  “No” Logan said back to him. I stood there whilst the two best friends communicated.  “Guys stop it; I'll take Lilly to her friends. You two and Sherry have a little talk here.” Abi breaks the tension apart and grabs onto me taking me out of the room.    As much as it was weird with Logan it felt even more weird with Abigail. My character was starting to change. It was like the girl who would fit in with everyone and would be ok with everyone was now finding it hard to be comfortable with certain people. What I was finding weird to believe was how did Lionel and Logan know Sherry. Even if they knew each other why didn't Sherry tell me the night before when I was discussing about them to him. What kept him quite from telling me he knew them? We reached to Kat’s room assuming all of them would be in there. I walked in not expecting what I saw there.    The room was in such a mess. Everything either fully or half broken. My eyes looked around the room searching for all of them three but my eyes caught onto no one. Worrying I said to Abi “they all must be in Mass and Max’s room. I’ll go there.” As soon as I turned around a sound of movement and a moan came from somewhere in the room. I looked closely as I saw a movement from the duvet that was spread on the floor. In a fear of moment I slowly walked towards it Abi slowly walking behind me seeming very curious. I pushed my hand forward slowly to move the duvet to the side as a revulsion rushed in front of me as I saw something so horrific. Something I never imagined seeing.    “Kat!” I screamed out as I saw my sister half-dead half-alive covered with blood lying on the floor taking her last breaths.  “Lilly, she came.” Kat whispered out her voicing breaking in between. My eyes all a sudden became so blurry and watery that I couldn't even look at Kat properly as she continued to speak, “she came and asked for you. She asked for you Lionel and Logan.”  “Who was she?” Abi asked inquiring whilst I froze holding my sister within my arms my eyes being blurry.  “I don’t know, we didn’t tell her therefore she shot Max and she got me. I can’t believe I'm still alive.” She said laughing at the last bit. Abi left us and ran off in search of this stranger. I sat there crying as her blood kept pouring out and staining onto my clothes. She forced her right hand up to my face and tried to wipe away my tears. She didn’t realise that wiping my tears wouldn’t get rid of my pain. It wouldn’t change the fact that she was now dying in my arms. She closed her eyes and spoke again, “Mass ran after her, don’t lose him. He loves you a lot Lillian. He’s always loved you. Everyone saw it, everyone except you. I saw that love in your eyes for Lionel but don’t forget that Mass has been there for you when you couldn't even hold yourself up. Mason loves you a lot.” I didn't reply to what she just told me. Instead I cried even more in a thought that what if somewhere in this place that girl that killed my sister and Max had now killed my best friend.    “Lilly?” Kat whispered in my ear whilst opening her eyes slowly.  “Yes Kat?” I answered.  “I love you.”  “I love you more.”  “Not possible” Katherine shut her eyes and stopped talking. I could feel that I was losing her now. Her heartbeat was stopping and her body was becoming colder. I hugged her tightly against me wishing she would magically come back to me but my hopes were useless. She was gone forever.    I let her down slowly as I rushed out of the room in search for Mass. What if the girl did something to him? Why was this person looking for me? Why was she in search for the other three guys? Who actually are they? My mind was filled up with questions not knowing who to actually go and question.     I walked off so furiously; it was like a revenge that I needed to get back. She made me loose my sister, my other half. I would make her loose her life! But before I could do anything I had to get a few answers to get and the only people I could get my answers were from Lionel, Logan and Sherry.     Angrily I walked towards Lionel's room. Anger in my eyes and determined for revenge in my mind, I aggressively walked into the room. Everything was broken into pieces here too. Had that girl come here and tried to kill them as well. I slowly walked around his room in search for any dead bodies on the floor hoping there was nothing to see, as I wouldn't be able to cope with another death. My back facing the window I looked around and all a sudden the window behind me breaks apart as two guys fall through it and land in front of me as I looked down to them. Sherry and Logan.    Not realising me being there, they push me out of the way as I hit my arm against the brick wall. Both bleeding from their faces not caring about anything aggressive fight against each other. Sherry punches Logan hard across the face as Logan falls back hurting his back against the corner of the bed as he falls he kicks Sherry in the stomach as he falls down with him. Not being able to stand up and fight they forcefully fight being on the floor. Being at times over and under each other, tangling their legs within each other and trying to get a good control of each other. Bleeding away from almost every area on their bodies they wouldn’t give up. I didn’t know why they were fighting by they kept fighting non-stop not giving up. A few minutes later Lionel entered recognising me standing in the corner holding onto my arm.     He ran across the room and grabbed onto me taking me out of the room leaving Logan and Sherry behind to fight or kill each other to death.   “Let go of me Lionel!” I ordered him, as he didn't listen to whatever I was telling him. I kept yelling to him and he kept ignoring what I was saying, just dragging me out with him. “Lionel, they will both kill each other to death! Go stop them!” I yelled to him yet he still didn't respond and kept dragging me out of the hotel. We rushed out of the hotel’s entrance and he dragged me onto the beach. No one was around; it was just him and me. The only witness we had around us was the birds flying around and the smooth water beside us.    “Lilly listen to me clearly, you get your stuff and you get out of this place and go back home! Do I make myself clear?” Lionel demanded.  “But Lio I can’t just leave and go!” I expressed.  “No Lilly, you leave. You leave right this instant!”  “What about Mass?”  “Don’t worry, I’ll find him and send him to you. I won’t let anything happen to him or you.”  “Lionel...”  “Lilly please we don’t have enough time.”  “That girl killed my sister Lionel. She killed Max and now she is probably somewhere near Mass. She was looking for Sherry, Logan, you and me. I’m not going to leave without revenge.”    He took a deep breath and brought himself close to me holding me against him as he spoke “I'm sorry for putting you into this Lilly. I’m sorry for all of this. If we hadn’t of met then you would of never been involved.”  I looked up into his eyes as I felt him being very remorseful as I replied back to him “Lionel I’m in this now. So please just tell me and take me out of this confusion.”  “Us three were once best friends. Nothing could separate us not even god. But I guess we were wrong. Something could separate us. Life brought us to certain circumstances where all we ever did when seeing each other as fight. Fight until we couldn‘t move anymore. Logan and me were always one, our friendship wasn’t breakable but ours and Sherry’s friendship was breakable as it broke due to misunderstanding and death.”  “Misunderstanding and deaths?” I asked with a tension in my voice.  “On the day of when Sherry was going to get married his fiancee Elizabeth was murdered. Stabbed to death is what they said. In that moment Logan was there when it all happened and was found with Elizabeth which made Sherry think that Logan killed her. Logan denied so many times as well as I did but Sherry didn’t listen to neither of us. I got into a fight with Sherry but eventually gave up but Logan didn’t give up.”  “What did you lot do then?”  “Well, for revenge one night Sherry got into Logan's fiancée's house and murdered her stabbing her to death just like how his fiancee was murdered. From that day the pair of them have been taking revenge on each other. Whenever they come in front of each other its like two big flames being built. They fight until their energies run out thankfully no one dies.”  “How does this involve me and who was that girl who killed my friend and sister?”    He took a step away from me and turned around facing towards the sea. He didn’t really want to answer that question because it would mean he would have to express his feelings but I didn’t care. I wanted my answers!    “You know the day we met you asked me if I liked or loved someone.” He spoke out as my mind went into a quick flashback and remembered the exact words I asked when collecting our luggage. I nodded and he continued speaking “ the moment I saw you I knew I was stuck. Stuck in love because something like you I would never let go off. At first your character came out very different. You came out to be a girl who was so self involved you didn't know what to do or what was happening around you. Stubborn, impatient, always in anger, whatever you had in you Lilly I loved it and I always used to try to make those things appear in you when I was with you because it was fun seeing you like that. You always showed the real you. The time I got to spend with you was so amazing. Remember how I wanted something pure and I said I wouldn’t be able to find that because I live in reality. After finding you I didn't want any of that, it was just a dream now. I wanted you because in all the people I've ever met I couldn't accept all of them for how they were but I could accept you. It wasn’t just your beauty, it was something way beyond that which attracted me towards you. Spending time with and your friends made me realise how wrong I was in life and it made me realise how I wanted to spend the rest of my life. When I landed off that plane I came off as someone else Lillian.”    I looked at him as a tear dropped out of my eyes. It was something I wanted to hear but wasn’t sure how I wanted to hear those words. He said it so perfectly that for a minute I had forgotten what had previously just happened. I wiped the small tear of my cheek and managed to take out some words.    “You’re in love Lionel.”  “The problem is Lilly, I’m not the only on in love with you.” He said feeling a little more down than before.  I gave a little sniff and replied saying “Mass, I know.”  “He isn't the only one after me Lilly.”  “Who else?” I asked hoping the names running in my mind isn't true.  “The day you first met Sherry in the nightclub was the day he found out I had some sort of feelings for you. He didn’t want to kill you because I wasn’t Logan, but he wanted to know you.”  “If Logan liked me instead would he have killed me that night?”  “I won’t lie to you Lilly; there would have been a strong chance.” I looked down as he continued speaking “he got to know you a bit and he realised killing someone like you wouldn't be fair since I had done nothing to him anyways. The day Logan met you his eyes didn’t leave off you. I know you noticed that as well as I did that's why that day you held onto me so tightly. Sherry found out that Logan was very fond off you and the night you went to the beach party he caught up with you.”  “He got me drunk and wanted to kill me then?” I questioned in horror.  “That was his plan until a strange thing happened. You don’t remember much from that night do you Lilly.”  “No I don’t, not clearly anyways.”  “He spent that evening with you getting to see that real you Lilly. Instead of killing you he fell in love with you. His weakness is love Lilly and out of the blue you became his weakness as well as Mass’s, Logan’s and mine.”    The shock that appeared to me was just not describable. Four different guys were in love with me at once. What was I supposed to do. I was clueless on what to say and what to do. I didn’t want to focus on this. Now I was just confused on who I even loved. My heart said Lionel but my mind played stupid games. For a second I tried to forget about what Lionel had just told me and focused on my sister and friend.    “Who was the girl that killed my Kat and Max?” I asked.  “Aiste Jones, sister of Elizabeth Jones. It was more of her own revenge. Her mind was full of revenge just how yours is right now. She would kill anyone that came in her way. The only person she had in her life was Elizabeth and she was taken away from her. I understood her at first but then she truly became insane starting to murder innocent people for no reason.”  “Innocent people such as Max and Kat.”   “Correct, just like Max and Kat. She either dies or continues killing people.”  “She must die Lionel, no matter what she must die!” I demanded.  “She will Lilly, she will.” Lionel agreed wiping a small tear of my face.  “But Lionel we need to go back and stop Logan and Sherry from fighting. They need to stop this!”  “They will never stop Lilly.”  “We will make them stop.” I held onto his hand so tight and continued speaking “We’ll do everything together.” He held me hand tighter.     We rushed back to the hotel room but there was no one there. We looked around everywhere in the hotels round floor and out near the pool but Logan and Sherry were nowhere to be seen. I was worried if one of them was seriously harmed or what if one killed the other. At the same time my mind was focusing on Mass as well. I hoped he was ok, everyone was running around my mind that I didn’t know who to specifically concentrate on. We came out of the hotel and looked around as the rain appeared all a sudden and I looked up towards it finding what Lionel and me were searching for it.    “Lio look!” I yelled pointing up. He followed up where my hand was directing as he saw Logan and Sherry on the hotel terrace not being alone. With them were Abi, Mass and Aiste. We ran back into the hotel and rushed up the stairs since the lift was overloaded already. Running up a five floor building would seem so easy when thinking about it but actually being there running was one of the most hardest thing s to do especially when there was other people surrounding you. We hurried up and getting there in time.     “Ah Lionel, I was hoping to meet you up here soon and you brought a guest, perfect.” Aiste spoke out with a crazy laugh.  “Let them go Aiste.” I came in front of Lionel and spoke out to her as her eyes focused on me.  “Let go of them? So easily, just like that. You must kidding me!”  “Let’s make a deal Aiste.” She looked at me whilst I spoke out slowly to her and then I continued talking “you leave them and you take me and do whatever you want to do with me.”  “Lilly have you gone insane!” Lionel shouted out holding me back.  “No, I’m pretty sane compared to you lot.” I yelled back to him and then looked towards Aiste and spoke to her “take me and leave the four boys. Everyone one of them loves me. You kill me means you’ve killed them. Let them live in their regret and guilt.”  “Not a bad idea Lilly.” Aiste agreed.    I walked slowly towards her going pass Logan, Sherry and Mass. I looked at Mass deeply and very quickly before reaching Aiste. I saw that look he gave me that he always gave me. That wasn’t a friendship look that was a love look. I wish I could stop and apologise to him but I couldn’t. She grabbed onto my by my neck as all the guys took a step forward and stop. She held a gun towards my head and walked through them taking me away from them, down the lift and out of the hotel, putting me into a car and making me drive off. The guys couldn’t wait they all tried to rush out of the place together all fighting against each other to get out through the door first. Not caring about anything they all pushed Mass back as he hit his head against the wall and falls down being unconscious. Abi let the three of them run and stayed back with Mass. The other three ran down and got into a car following behind me.     “You have no idea what I'm going to do with you.” Aiste yelled in happiness.  “Be happy as much as you want girl, at the end of the day we both are going to die.” I calmly said with a smile across my face.  “What do you mean both of us?” She asked enquiringly.  “Well if we think about it, I’m the driver here and you are the passenger. I’m in charge of the locks in this car and having a car safety thing going on in my mind the cars been put on child lock so there's no chance of you randomly jumping out of here, girl.”  “What on earth are you on about! Stop the car right now before I shoot you!” She ordered being a little scared.  I laughed out knowing how I would fully scare her. “One gun and five bullets Aiste. You wasted one on a vase two on Max and two on my sister Kat. With what built are you exactly going to kill me with?”    She looked at me in such terror, how did I figured all this out all a sudden? I could see her face filling up with sweat, as her throat was becoming drier and her life... Her life was becoming shorter.    “You killed my sister Aiste not some random innocent person. You’re going to pay for it. Not with money, with your life!” I broke out to her as she sat there frozen and confused.  “You realise we die together?” She tried to scare me.  “I’ve never been scared of death. I’ve only been scared of love and that fear... That fear I’ve overcome.” As we reach near the edge of a cliff I increased the speed of the car realising that the guys were behind me increasing their speed too. Getting right near the cliff end I drift the car side ways and jump out of the car rolling down the rough dusty ground as the car fall of from the edge of the cliff with Aiste being in there. Even though I said to her that she wouldn’t be able to escape from the car because I had it on child lock she forgot that the drivers door isn't on the same lock setting.    In a sudden the guys reached where I was and since their speed was so fast they couldn’t slow it down easily. The car stopped right at the end of the cliff half hanging off and the first person to break through the back car window hanging off was Logan followed by Sherry. They tried to pull themselves up as Lionel rushed to the back of the car and gave his hands out to both of them. The balance of the car was too much on their side, as the car couldn't keep self-balance. I rushed to side to see what was going on more clearly. I saw the three of them and couldn't find Mass. I was too worried about the three hanging guys to save their lives than Mass.    Lionel's hand slip from Logan and Sherry as they both loose their control and fall down the deep cliff fading away the lower they went. The fear of losing them hit me hard as I closed my eyes so tight and thought of Lionel. I ran towards the car and tried to get around to grab onto Lionel. I lost Sherry and Logan but I didn’t want to lose Lionel too. First time I loved someone, I couldn’t lose him. I had lost everyone I loved; I just simply couldn’t lose Lionel. I finally got a good grip of his hand as the car started moving about. I held him so tightly by the hand, it felt like I would never let go of him no matter what! The car fell of the cliff edge as Lionel was dangling of the cliff holding half onto my hand and half onto a rock that was against him. I looked intensely at him. After meeting him I found love, after knowing him I moved from my one and only fear. But after knowing him I lost a best friend and a sister. I don’t know where Mass is now, dead or alive? Lionel knew what was going on but never mentioned anything to me before everything got worse. I looked at him and saw the goods and bad. I was in confusion in what I wanted to do.     Blood spread everywhere on the floor. It didn’t miss a spot it was even on the door. It was pain that it showed. It was like every bit of me had exploded. It wasn’t war or love, neither was it pure as a dove. An unexpected rush, every part of me crushed. Simply felt like burning hell. Not soon after the horrifying sound of the bell. Breathing is becoming unfeasible. I was trapped not being releasable. Now I’m here unaware. The tension around I can not bare. Help me from where I am trapped. A bit of me is totally snapped. Help I beg the burning started raising above my legs. I think its death, now I have no breath!    “Lilly let go of me.” Lionel whispered hanging off, having one hand in my hand.  “Lionel what are you saying?” I was astonished by what he had just told me to do.  “Seriously, let go. I don’t deserve it Lilly, let go of my hand.”  “You want to leave me like everyone else?”  “I’m never going to leave you Lilly; I’m in your heart now. I’m not going to get out of there that easily.”  “Lionel I don’t want you to leave me.”  “But I have to Lillian Marwick. I have to leave you.”  “Lio please...”  “...Let go Lilly.” Lionel interrupted.    I slowly shut my eyes as a teardrop fell down onto his hand. I didn’t want to let go of him even though a bit of me forcefully wanted to let go.     “You are the one I cannot live without. You are the one that no one can replace. You are the one who knows my fears. Then why are you being the one that’s slowly leaving me alone knowing my fear?” I whispered to him with a little sniff.  “I love you Lillian.”  “I love you more Lionel.” I gently let go of his hand as he closed his eyes and fell off. I didn’t close my eyes, I saw him leave me fading away slowly, very slowly. As he started disappearing a vision came in front of my eyes. From the moment I met him till the moment he was hanging of a cliff having his hand in my hand.     “You let go of him Lilly?” Faith asks, her voice breaking in between. She stood leaning against her book cupboard with tissues held in her hands.  “Sometimes we have let go of stuff. But now I live, well lived in guilt that I killed him. I let go of him and he died.” I reply in a soft and slow tone of voice, with my eyes being so watery and red.  “And that's why you came to see me so you could release yourself and tell me your guilt.”  “Not just that, I just needed for someone to know this before I go. Anyways the session finished, sorry for going a little over time.” I wiped my tears and got out of my seat.  “Ah, it was worth taking my time. I’ll call you tomorrow and tell you when you come and see me next.”  “Oh you won’t need to see me again.”  “I might have one more time.”    I walk out of her room saying nothing, not even a goodbye. I walk out of passageway without looking around. I walk pass the receptionist giving her a big smile. I walk out of the building looking back one last time. I walk off to where I should be.    Next day came and Faith is so desperate to see me. She rang my mobile but I didn’t pick it up so she looks for my second emergency number, which is my house number. In happiness she rings my house number as my mother attends the call.    “Hello is this Lillian Marwicks house?” Faith talks kindly on the phone.  “Yes, yes this is Lillian’s house. Who’s speaking?” Her mother asks on the phone.  “Well I am her therapist, Faith Lockwood, I was just wondering if I could talk to Lillian so that we could make an appointment for today.”  “An appointment for therapist?” My mother replies seeming confused.  “Yes, I did tell her yesterday I would ring her and make an appointment.”  “Yesterday? Are you sure you have called the right Lillian? Lilly died three days ago.”    Faith’s face brings up a big shock as she holds the phone against her ear and drops the phone down. “She’s dead?” Faith tells herself still being in shock. “Then who was the one that told me the ending of the story?” She asks herself now being part of a mystery...    Your age?” The old receptionist lady asks out sitting at the reception desk with a form in front of her as well as a new customer. Sitting there still being loud and half annoyed half-tired sounding. She keeps looking up at the new person and then down at the piece of paper as she sighs after every two seconds. Sitting on that tall which still seems very old and weak chair, she seems to still feel very agitated.     “Twenty-three” the person answers  “Gender?”  “Male, last time I checked.” He giggles and replies.  “Sorry what did you say your name was again?”  “Mity, Lionel Mity.” The new customer answers.   
   
   
   Publication Date: October 30th 2014 https://www.bookrix.com/-ameera1411