Douglass Sherley Love Instigated The Story of a Carved Ivory Umbrella Handle 
 
 
 Love Instigated Pg 1 
 It was a daisy bit of Ivory. 
   
 It was a curious piece of Workmanship. 
   
 It was carved and carved again with Conventional Lines, which formed 
 a Female Head of East-Indian Unexceptionableness. 
   
 It seemed to Smile and to Beckon, and then to Scowl repellantly--a 
 Living Mockery! 
   
 It was Hateful--Oh, so Hateful!--the sight Of so conventional a Thing. 
   
 And yet there had been such a Longing to touch It and to Hold It in the 
 Hand! 
   
 But See the Sequel. 
   
 It was not an Idol of India. 
   
 It was the Carved Ivory Handle of a Tanned Gingham Umbrella, of very 
 Plebeian American Manufacture. 
   
 It stood in a Hand-painted China Receptacle in The long quiet Hall, in 
 the House of a Friend. It was there when I Dined with him the Night 
 After Christmas. 
   
 It Gleamed at me with a Sinister Gleam of its Dexter Eye! 
   
 And it seemed to Smile and to Beckon at me out of the Soft, Voluptuous 
 Environment of The "Inner·Sisterhood," of which it was a Fellow. 
 
 
 
 Love Instigated Pg 2 
   
 And when we were seated at the Glittering Table, beautiful with Crystal 
 and Silver-- 
   
 And Lemonade and Cake-- 
   
 An Esthetic Banquet-- 
   
 It Chanced, by Merest Accident, that I was Given a seat opposite The 
 Portiered Archway which led into 
   
 The Long Quiet Hall, 
   
 With its Wine-Colored Wealth of Turkish-Bath Toweling thrown back. 
   
 And as we Sat Beneath the Iridescent Glow Of the Keely-Motor 
   
 Electric Lamp, which 
   
 Glistened and Shimmered Its Stained-Glass Iridescence on all about 
 it, and gave its hue to The Invigorating Beverage, we heeded not the 
 Elemental war waging upon the Queen Anne Exterior of the Hospitable 
 Mansion of my Friend. 
   
 And when we were left to our Coffee and our Pipes, we talked of Daggers, 
 and Epitaphs, and Tombs! 
   
 And as he told me in a Mysterious Whisper the Story of the Malay Dagger, 
 "Guiltless of all Guile," the Vitreous Eye of that Quaintly Carved 
 Odalisque--for such my fevered fancy Pictured it--was ever Glaring at 
 me with its Sinister Glare! 
   
 And when our Ghostly Talk was Interrupted By the Entrance of other 
 Guests, I Quaffed Another Crystal Goblet of My Friend's Brain-Maddening 
 Concoction, and casting a long, lingering Look at the Persian Rug which 
 hid the Graeco-Romanesque Architecture of the vaulted Ceiling, I passed 
 from the Gothic Portals of this Esthetic Shrine into the outer 
 darkness--beyond the glamour of the Seven Lamps of Architecture. 
   
 But,--Oh Fitful Fate!--as I passed though The Long, Quiet Hall and 
 by the wine-colored Plush Corner from whose Voluptuous Shadow The 
 Sinister-Eyed, Carved-Ivory-Handle Odalisque cast an Alluring, 
 Appealing Look toward Me, and all Unconsciously, Unintentionally, and 
 Unresistingly I Took it from its Hand-Painted China Receptacle, and 
 closing the Heavy doors of Rolled, Cathedral Plate Glass After me, 
 I Unfurled its Sun-Tanned Gingham Folds to the aforementioned warring 
 elements. And as I Wended my Desolate Way to the Sainted Shrine of 
 Pendennis, my Seething Brain Peopled the Valley of Unrest with Elfs, 
 And Ravens and Brahman Gods, and the Dagger whose blood-stain belonged 
 to a Venetian Duke.  
 
 
 
 Love Instigated Pg 3 
   
 When I Presently Entered the Resounding Cloisters of 
 the Order of ST. PENDENNIS--when I entered this "House without a Woman" 
 I sought the seclusion of a dark, Wine-Colored, Plush-Lined Cell, and 
 carelessly placing the Tanned Gingham, Vegetable-Ivory-handled Umbrella 
 on the Eighteenth Century Hearth before me, 
                   
 I threw my mentally-exhausted frame into a a Massive, Damask-covered 
 Chair with heavily-carved Arms of highly-polished Oak, and sounded the 
 Tiny, Tintinnabulating Call-Bell for Something to Counteract the Effects 
 of the Too-exhilerating Potables of my Friend, and his no less Harrowing 
 Stories! 
   
 But while I thus sat waiting, with my feet to The Comfortable Fire, all 
 at once my Gaze was Unconsciously, Unintentionally and Unresistingly 
 Transfixed by the Sinister Glance of The Dexter Eye of the Carved-Ivory 
 Odalisque. 
   
 And as I sat there in the Twilight Glare of the Slowly-Consuming 
 Embers on the Wide and Deep, Old-Fashioned, Open Fire-place, with 
 Lacquered-Brass Fire-Dogs--beneath the Spell of those Stealthy, Roguish 
 Glances, I, against My Wish and Will, was led to Think of The dark, 
 strange and weirdly grotesque things of which My Friend had Told me. 
   
 And finally, as under the Strange Fascination of the Vitreous Dexter and 
 Sinister Eyes of The Carved-Ivory Odalisque, which Held me Spell-Bound, 
 I Learned from the Thin, Curled Lips of the said Carved-Ivory Odalisque 
 its Own Story. 
   
 It was not Created by Love. 
   
 Nor was it in Itself the Embodiment of Love. But it Bore in one of its 
 Flexible Ribs the Tangible Evidence of the Adhesive Qualities of a Love 
 Driven Back upon itself,--the Concentration of an Otherwise Wasted 
 Force. 
   
 Less than a Thousand Years ago, a Dudish Roderick Dhu stood Flustrated 
 with Fiery Indignation, face to face with a Maiden Priestess--a 
 Prideful, Haughty Woman! 
   
 It was on the Rue Quatrieme. It was at the Intersection of two great 
 Thoroughfares. 
   
 The Clouds had Parted their Bangs in the Middle, and were Shimmering 
 their Crystal Drops of Distilled Ocean in torrental volume upon the 
 Luckless Wayfarers. 
   
 It chanced that the Prideful Maiden Priestess Was Hurrying adown the 
 Boulevard with the Self-same Carved-Ivory-Handled Umbrella Closely 
 Clasped in Her Delicate Marie Antoinette fingers. She was thus Ensconced 
 Behind the Sheltering Tautness of the Stout-ribbed Gingham Umbrella 
 With the Carved-Ivory Handle, when she passed out of the Shadow of The 
 Massive Marble Edifice of Gothic Architecture and turned into the Rue 
 de la Chataigne--and Unconsciously, Unintentionally and Unresistingly 
 Punched a Tear out of the Dexter Eye of the Resistless Roderick Dhu! 
   
 I am sure that Carved-Ivory, Oggling Odalisque was to Blame! I am sure 
 that it Wantonly Drove the Spare Rib of the Stout Gingham Umbrella to 
 the Accomplishment of its own Foul Purpose! 
   
 The Prideful Maiden Priestess had great Commiseration for the Ardent 
 Roderick. 
   
 She Frankly Told him so. 
 
 
 
 Love Instigated Pg 4 
   
 And in a Tacit but Potent--Oh, so Potent--Way, bade him, if he liked, 
 to go with her to her Shrine and there have his Weeping Wounds Bound up 
 with "a Bit of East India Silk,"--at her Shrine, whose Doors should ever 
 be Open to Him. 
   
 Oh! Chance, Fortuitous Chance! How many Followers of St. Pendennis are 
 Annually Ensnared in thy Name! 
   
 Ere Long,--within a Month, a Little Month--the Dudish Roderick Dhu was a 
 cringing devotee at the Vestal Shrine of the Maiden Priestess, Praying 
 that she should receive all his Suppliant Love, and "right smart" of his 
 devotion. He would never leave Her Side. He would Never, never Smile on 
 other Maidens. He would Sacrifice each Trusted and Trusting Friend and 
 Creditor. She MUST receive his Heart and Hand, and his Partially-Eclipsed 
 Occular! 
   
 Else, where, all the while, was all this Wealth of Passionate Love to 
 go to--If it was Spurned and Sent Back to its Donor? Who would have it 
 Second-Handed? 
   
 This was, indeed, a Poser. 
   
 It was Unanswerable! 
   
 She did not Attempt to Answer it. She only Considered the First 
 Proposition. 
   
 And she Thought of the Cruel, Cruel Deed Which she had been Led 
 by the Vitreous-Eyed Odalisque of Carved-Ivory to Unintentionally, 
 Unconsciously, and Unresistingly Perpetrate Upon Him; And--to cut a 
 Short Story shorter--she cast her 'Mind's Eye, Horatio,' upon his Queen 
 Anne Mansion Front, and Determined to Bestow upon the Injured Innocent 
 what remained--after Five Seasons--of the Wealth of Her Young Love. 
   
                       --Thus Simply is Love Instigated.-- 
   
 Had the Maiden Princess Refused him her Silver-Tinged Love--Had she 
 Spurned and Thrown back upon his Hands his Passion torn To Tatters--he 
 Might Have Perpetuated his Love by Writing "a Book Without a Woman," or 
 Better still, he Might Have Spent the Force of his Extravagant Passion 
 by Executing, in Endless number and variety, Patent Ivory-handled 
 Umbrellas, Quaintly Carved in the Verisimility of the Oggling Odalisque, 
 which Impelled the Hand that Instigated his Love by Peeling his Dexter 
 Eye. 
   
 But, Alas! The Thoughtless Pair of Innocents did not Consider that 
 their Love, being Mutual, Must, by the Decree of St. Douglass, 
 die--Unperpetuated--with Them! 
   
 Or, if they Weighed the Dire Decree in the Balances of their Social 
 Philosophy, I Doubt Not that they Considered that if they Perpetuated 
 their Love the Length of their Natural Lives they Would have 
 Accomplished Enough. And, methinks their Heads were Equipoised. This 
 Work-a-Day World has all the Dudish Booklets and Carved-Ivory Dagger and 
 Umbrella Handles that it can Easily Carry. Let not Another Booklet break 
 Old Atlas' Back. 
   
 And "Douglass, O Douglass, Tender and True," Carve for us no more 
 Heathen Gods of Love. E'en now Their Occupation's Gone. 
 
 
 
 Love Instigated Pg 5 
   
 The Star-Eyed Goddess that Shines Forth From the Glittering Surface of 
 the Almighty Dollar is Goddess Potent enough to Perpetuate the Love of 
 this Day and Generation, even as by her Influence often is 
   
                                 Love Instigated. 
   
        *       *       *       *       * 
   
 But the Quaintly Carved Vegetable-Ivory Odalisque Handle of the 
 Tanned-Gingham Umbrella that Rested in the Hand-Painted China Receptacle 
 that Stood in the Voluptuous Environment of the Wine-Colored Plush 
 Corner of the Long, Quiet Hall of the House of a Friend Where I Supped 
 the Night after Christmas--[Was this the House that Zack Built?]--It 
 still Glared at me with a Sinister Gleam of its Dexter Eye as it Oggled 
 me from its Place on the Hearth of the Wine-Scented Cell--Plush-Lined 
 Cell--in the Cloistered Precincts of Saint Pendennis. 
   
        *       *       *       *       * 
   
 It seemed to Smile a Ready, Garrulous Assent to all that which I have 
 Said. 
   
 These Words it Seemed to Murmur: 
   
 Oh! Thou Unmitigated Umbrella-Theif! Return Me to the home of those 
 whose Love I Instigated, whose Happy Household I am Responsible for. 
 Wake ye! Sleeping Son of Pendennis, or by the Goddess Si[l]va, I will 
 Execute Dire Vengeance Upon you! 
   
 Even as I once was the Instigator of Love, upon You may be, 
   
                                 Love Instigated! 
 
 
 Publication Date: January 19th 2015 https://www.bookrix.com/-mk496e398f1e345