Madam Keetra Young Love Of My Life 2 Another Baby 
 
 
   
 Dear Ron,  
 
I feel like our only purpose was to make a baby and i feel like that because were not going anywhere. I also feel like your a dead beat because you dont take responsibility and not man enough to handle what you done. how can you say “ur child” or “my daughter” when you don’t do right by her at all. Which shows you dont care. I call you a dead beat because you aint neva around.... she need stuff now while she is in the womb not just wait til she here.  
 
You infected me and put her at risk. As a mother i will never over look that. If something  came out wrong i would have to live wit that the rest of my life....I’m doing what i can to stop it and you aint done shit. I shouldnt even be wit u because of that..damn, thats why my parents aint together.My dad did same exact shit to my mama. My grandma paid for the medicine when it should of been u, i mean damn, hell u did it. not my grandma. u tha one carryin the infection. if u cared enough and was “sorry” enough u would of done something. I mean that shows u could careless if something was wrong wit her or not..what if i couldnt get the money to save her...then what ?? “another ray charles”?????? and dont u even say at least i got the money and the meds cause the point is it was ur responsibility and u done it. dont nobody got no money to b scrapin up over somethin that aint their responsibility. And I aint got no damn insurance. This money for meds and doctor visits coming out of pocket.  Yea u “said” u wud get it but she needed it right then not the next week. the sooner the better. I can’t stress to u enough about this because u dont get it.  
 
Yes I say u dont care all the time..i say u dont care cause u havent even tried to take care of me neither of these times u infected me. You don’t care that i can be dead right now. people die from this shit because of folks like u. you aint the one runnin back n fourth to a doctor and u aint paid for shit......u jus waited til i got cleared so u could give it right back to me. had i not been pregnant i would of never known. thats y they call it “silent killer” cause the folks that dont know they have it r the ones ones who die. Shit you’ll move on and wont give a shit and infect someone else. I cant explain or stress enough how i really feel about this. and wednesday u said u gone hurry up and get straight so u wont have to use a condom. what kind of shit is that?? all u want is pussy. since u dont care bout me and this baby u need to be doing it for ur self and safety.  
 
I been going thru everything on my own which dont surprise me while u sit on yo butt without a care in the world. the word “sorry” is not helpin my daughter when something wrong. “sorry” will not bring me back if i was dead.  
You gone reap what u sew from what u done so far. and i dont mean jus from this.  
And what u done to me and this baby so far u will pay and when get done, it won’t be nothin no one can do about it.  
i also feel like if ur not there for her now then u wont be later. bottom line. a man is pose to act as if that baby here now. she has needs now, not just wen she come out of me. You already not being there for her tells me something. You are a dead beat. I still will not get over u denying her twice. who does that when u know its yours???  
 
You even walked out on her at the second  appointment. You didnt deserve to know wether it was a boy or girl because u didnt care enough to stay and find out and see for ur self. what kind of “father” does that to his baby??? Yes i called my mama first cause she been there and not u. but that still gave u no reason for u to leave..when i came to get u and saw u wasnt there, that really done something to me. you shouldnt of had that type of attitude. u show so many signs right now its unreal and u wonder why certain things go thru my head...imma need u to do some serious thinkin.  
You doing stuff to her already, its makin me have second thoughts and i dont need somebody in her life actin like that. The people thats there for me is who i want by my side cause my mama aint going no where. u not even by my side now but the one thas there which is my mama is who i need. u walkin out her means u walk out any day and jus leave when something aint yo way. I told u this is a test and u still don’t see it yet.....the way u actin now already is already showin me we got a problem. I’m not gone keep stressing this cause u don’t listen and u dont get it.  
 
I still blame myself alot cause i could of prevented all of this myself. I shouldn’t of got involved wit u in the first place.But now i got to suffer and pay for what i done. I shouldnt been havin sex either AT ALL then i could of prevented u infecting me twice, gettin pregnant, and my baby wouldnt be in danger. And i went against GOD at that, sex b4 marriage.  
 
Now about this name shit.....After all u done, she dont even deserve yo name. why name her after a dead beat sorry ass. ???? But the reall reason i ave her my name is because we not married and u look n see other people dont do that well thats because, those people r not godly and dont do the right things.......u only give a child man last name wen u married n ppl don’t think like that no more. But im not gone get into that part cuz u dont get it and neva will understand it. yea u say u wanna marry but were not married now. u should of that of that b4 now. She also has my name so will be taken care of and u kno u dont understand that part and im not gone explain it, u jus gone have to wait til she here. Im not gone take a chance wit my child life wit ur name. sorry. I know u hate it but thats yo fault. If we were married then that would b different. see this why GOD likes marriage cause wen u dont do things right, theres confusion. ENOUGH SAID ON THIS.  Oh yea and don’t u ever curse my name again like u did. Because u have no idea what it means and when u see what my name can do , u will regret an  be sorry as hell especially when u see what it can do for my child. But like i said u wont understand yet. 
 
NEXT SUBJECT.......unlike u i care about my daughter. So this mess about me stayin wit my mama is gone have to stop. I’m doing this for her cause it’s best. I’m not stayin wit u cause the bible is against it and im tryin to do whats right...why shack up wit each other and keep adding on to a list of sins. i have sined enough. im tryin to eliminate some stuff not add on to it. And what kind of example is that for my daughter. See u already tryin to show her the wrong way. I think its great to marry and raise a child together the right way. But at the rate we going, jus might not happen. So the sinful part is the main reason i wont stay wit u in the same house unless we married.....but if u need me to furthur explain , i will be glad to. Second reason im stayin wit my mama cause either way i have no choice. Im gone be where im guaranteed a place. Why move somewhere and struggle wit a baby?? It’s hard out here.  its alot u dont see. but i can see up ahead. You think its easy and its not. I can see right now what would happen if we were in a place together. You stayin wit yo mama and no job. Where tha fuck me and the baby gone go?? Then u bout to be locked up. Then im on my own struggling. I mean come on now. what kind of shit is that. I can stay with my own mama. But im not gone keep explaining this cuz u cud careless if she safe or not or got a place to go. You do what u want but imma do whats best for my child. and it dont matter anyway y i stay wit my mama cuz we not married. But the main thing is, i got to be a real mother and step up and do whats best.  
 
You say ive changed . I know im not the same ne more and i neva will b and its really cuz i cant help it. But u can blame GOD cause he gave me the gift and u can blame ya self cuz u got me pregnant. Like i said, the mama always changes first. When a woman has a baby it’s like GOD put and extra disc in her brain where a woman no longer thinks and acts the same. When GOD gives a woman that, you cant take it back. It jus makes a woman see u different and theres nothing u can do. Then i got grow up and mature even much more faster and its all happening quick and at once and im going crazy. It also helps me see who u r and make judgement. It changes the way i see things, changes the way i think, and makes me a whole new person. I know u dont understand and i cant explain it like i want to. When this baby born, i hold her, then look at u, thats wen i make my judgement. The moment the child is born the mothers brain opens up even more.  I can see already how u gone be thats y im not so quick to marry and do all this shit cause i can ahead and more than u. u can oppose me all u want but im right wit this one.....GOD give a man that extra disc in his brain too. But it comes after the child is born and only if he a real father. Natural instinct. But u not even tryin to be a real father so i dont expect u to know anything im talkin bout or even understand.  
Im also the way i am cuz i have alot on me at one time. Its a lot on me and thats affectin me too. I have so many worries and so much i think about, u dont even understand.  
 
I have worries about how imma make it. I have worries about u. But imma be there for my child if no one else is cause im mommy and thats what mommy do no matter what. I dont kno if u gone stay around. hell u can up and leave wen u get ready. But i dont worry about that cause imma keep movin on. Every mother has that fear, the man wont stay and a mother really cant help thinkin like that cause its the world we live in, its natural. And we just have to prepare for that. And i really think like now jus by your actions and what has taken place so far, tells me alot. I already see something but u wont believe it and u dont see it ya self.  
I think about how i let my self down. U cud careless if i went to school and made something of myself or not. I had dreams and they come crashin down. now im at a stand still.  u didnt care enough about me to wait. u selfish. who gives a damn if u 25 yrs old b4 u have a baby. that aint shit... 
I worry if imma live or die. i pray i will live to see my child. I ask GOD to let me live to see her. u dont have to cross over death , i got to do it and i got to do it on my own. cant nobody go wit me and no one can take it for me. women die every day from child birth. livin in a high tech modern time means nothin. It’s not even the pain that kills a woman durin birth its really the brain. once yo brain fuck up, u can for get it. cause a woman got to stay calm and fix her brain a certain way and do things so she wont die which a hard and the man doesnt understand that at all . When the pain come a woman has to force herself to b still and not move cause the baby will push back up and u b in pain much more longer. A woman has to dry the tears from the pain and try to relax and breath. I mean damn, u walk through death and try to relax and breath. Men think its nothin and it iz. Just about every woman has fear of livin or dyin durin this time. The man will live. aint got to go thru shit. All u can do is look and feel sorry.  
 
You still a lil boy. You wont become a man and step up to the plate......you claim u tryin but u really not....u aint shit and aint doing shit. ...You wanna b a man but u dont do manly things.....I want to marry a man not a boy.....You are not there takin me back n fourth to doctors like a man pose to. you got me this way, not my mama but she is the one there.....you not there buying medicines for this baby....you made this way and u put this child in danger....not my mama....You can blame that raggedy car all you want but its no excuse..... 
 
My grandma watched u play cards and play on my computer all day. But a MAN would of been out lookin for a job..when a man know he got responsibility he will do what it takes NO MATTER WHAT. a MAN pose to stay out all day like he got a job eventhough he jus looking. You show alot of signs that u dont care about this baby. You even said u would sweep a parkin lot to make sure this baby have and that says alot.....thats y i call u sorry....shit i would do it if i had to. cause i love my daughter that much. A man is pose to be head and a provider. A man is pose to take care of his family NO MATTER WHAT it takes. even if that mean workin more than one job. A REAL MAN depends on NO ONE for help 
 
WE made this baby....this is not my mama and daddy responsibility its mine and yours.....But if you cant be a man i really dont want you and my baby dont need a sorry ass man in her life.....when i look at you i see a dead beat and u really not trying AT ALL 
 
That charge u got is no excuse...a MAN that tries GOD always makes a way. If you got to go to the same people five times for a job they’ll give it to u cause they gone get tired of lookin at u and tired of u comin back. they will c u in need...GOD aint lookn for no excuses....a MAN pose to take care of his family and depend on no one......Yea u right, i can do 100% better than u but im tryin to give u a chance...a man that stands on his own two feet ..A man that acts like a true man is a real turn on. which is what ur not... 
 
This baby be here b4 u know it. aint no time to waste. i cant work until this baby born and i get on my feet.  
 
You layin up in the bed wit me and all u wantin is sex is not gone help...dick aint worth two cents wen it come to responsibility.  
 
You can blame yo cousins and ur self if i walk out on u.....i can’t beileve u let them come between us..thats a big no no..u neva let someone come between u and ya lady..and then u dont tell them tha truth and u too scared to tell them what u done. all u say is im not havin sex wit u and u beileve them when they sayin im probably cheating.....u dont tell them the truth and what u done to me to make me not wanna have sex. but thats how folks are. u wont tell yo part of the story. and u lead them to believe i cheat. If we were married, i know now that we would have major problems.  
I been nothin but faithful. You can blame its hard to be far away but u still should trust me...i mean damn, i don’t accuse u of shit....I don’t kno wat u doing but i dont say anything and i try to trust u. But every time i turn around u think i cheat.  
If i do to u what u done to me, it will make the situation that much more worse. on top of that, im not that kind of woman and i wud neva try to hurt u...i mean what for...what u done hurts so bad i wanted to kill myself. y wud i do that back.....I think yo problem is u cant beileve u got someone who would neva do that. You kno deep down i aint done shit but u wanna keep hurtin me....I cry every single time u accuse me of shit cuz i know i havent done anything. I cry cuz u dont trust me. I cry cause i neva thought u wud be this way. I cry cause i got to pay for what the rest of them girls done in the past to u...I also think yo problem is u still guilty bout the past and u kno wat u done and u figure imma do the same to u. i kno u have that fear. u aint got to admit it. and i think thats hurts u even more cuz u kno i wont do that knowin how bad u hurt me. But to be honest, if i was seein someone and wanted to move on, trust me u wud kno cuz i dont hide shit and i would flat out tell u. U was honest wit me bout meeka so i give u tha same respect....i kno u dont like me brining up the past but its still affectin u and always will. u can neva erase that out yo mind. it will always be there.  
 
I cant even explain or stress enough everything i wanna say.  
 
 
We we have is pure lust and sin. thats not love at all..u have no clue what love means. O yea and i say u dont love me cause u show it and i jus gave more than enough reason y u dont. And i kno i dont say love u back because numba one, i have a hard time sayin it. i dont even tell my mama n grandma i love them. And on top of that, its just a word to me that ppl wear out. when u say it, i dont even feel it and it has no meaning. And ur not sincere. You say it too damn much wearing it out. And i really think its cause u say it jus to be sayin it. When i hear u say it, its just a waste of breath. like i said no meaning ne more.  
 
Now this whole marriage thing. .....I really don’t want u until i see that u have become a man and ready to step up. All i ever wanted from a man is love, trust, respect and honesty. jus someone to treat me right and all these years u have done the complete opposite. and u so blind u cant even see yo own faults . 
 
But jus a heads up...im lettin u kno now that if u CANT step up and not tryin to make no changes u can look for me to be gone and move on wit my life. And im not really not playin...y waste time. And u already not tryin to do anything period. i have given too many chances and no effort has been made. But u kno now and this is yo last chance. Im running out of patience.  
 
							From, 
								Tori 
 
At this point I feel like Ron is no good. Sorry excuse for a man. I wrote him a letter just to let out all my true feelings.  
 
 
If your wondering about this letter. Keep reading and find out where all this came from And get some understand where i’m coming from.  
 
I am back home with my mama and no job. Just as i got myself together and was getting over Ron, he decides to work his way back into my life. He’s home with his mama too.  I played so hard to get it didn’t make sense. but i had every right to be that way. He hurt me so bad.  
 
I will admit i treated him like shit in a way when he would call. I think he deserved it.  But i think it was my anger mixed with hurt. Then in a way i didnt want him after what he done but i still loved him. After some months went by i let him try again and honestly i think this is the worst mistake of my life. What tha hell was i thinking. I kind of regret it in a way. I really think i should of let him go the first time and not look back. Now I have got myself in a mess.  
 
He’s back in my life. I try to forget the past even though that is hard to do and you can never forget stuff like that cause no matter what, it will always be at the back of yo brain. Next he gets me pregnant. He denies his baby twice. He is really putting me through hell. 
 
We started going back on dates. We went to a nice restaurant one night. Somehow he ended up  spending the night while my folks was gone. We came back and he took a shower with me. I was in there first and i wasnt expecting him to get in. I took tha soap and rubbed all over him and massaging him. His body makes me wanna jump out of my skin. His penis is mean and angry looking.  
 
His takes his tim kissing and sucking on me. He goes down on me. His tongue skills are on point. I grab his head. I wanted to stop but at the same time i didn’t. he lapped my pussy like a thirsty dog drinking water. Next thing i know the throws me against the wall, picks me up, and holds me up by my thighs. He eases his dick in. And well....u know tha rest. let’s just say i felt like a virgin again.  
 
When we got to the bedroom, thats a whole nother story. He carried me and gently layed me down. He buried himself between my thighs and went to work on my pussy. It was so good I didn’t know what to do with myself. I grabbed n pulled on him. He screwed me like i never been fucked before. I found myself screaming his name. Then i beg him to take it easy.  
 
	“Slow down.....slow down! ...stop!” , I say as he beating tha hell outta me.  
 
	So he says, “Shut up and take it.” 
 
A good hour and my back was aching and legs hurting. I tried to stand up and he grabs my arm and sat me back on the bed. He took his finger n plays with my clit. Then he inserts that firm tongue in my pussy. I threw my head back and hold on to him.  
 
He stops and sits me on his dick backwards. He held on to my waist and had me going up n down just like that.  It was My first time ever doing this. Then I ride hm forward facing him while he plays with my nipples. Then he fucked me sideways. I’m like what tha hell is he doing to me.  
 
The next few months was hell. I went thru hell with hemorrhoids for a couple weeks. The next nine weeks i was sick. the sickness wouldn’t even let up at all. There were times i couldn’t even crawl to the bathroom. I stretched in the floor until i was able to move and get myself together. Then my body started to change. I suspected i was pregnant by this point. my face wasn’t the same and boobs got larger. Then up until now at six months, i vomit like crazy. I’m one of those unlucky women.  
 
I took a pregnancy test. I added up i could be 3 months. I went to the doctor and i was off by a day.  
 
At the doctor i went thru the whole procedure. Pee in a cup. I answered a shit load of questions. Then i stripped down and change to be examined then spread my legs to the can collect samples. Then  i got my blood work. Ron text me the whole time wantin to know whats going on.  
 
I get a call back two days later. Doctor tells me to go pick up all these medicines quickly. One because dairy products make me sick. My vitamin D was low. My prenatal vitamins. And the last one was for something Ron gave me and my baby could possibly be born blind. He gave me the “silent killer”. For the second time. So my mama picks up and pays for these expensive meds along with my grandma’s help. I hate meds and can’t stand takin it but i do it cause my baby need it.  
 
So the one she needs the most is the one my body rejects. I throw it up while it was going down. I call back the next day to get something else. My mama go buy that one. I had a hard time takin but i finished the bottle. hopefully it worked. If my child has a problem when she born i dont what i’ll do.  
 
So my second trip the doctor Ron shows up. It was the most important appointment. He walks out when it’s time to reveal the sex of the baby. He texting me all day asking what it is. He gets mad cause i don’t tell him. If he wanted to know that bad he would of stayed and found out for himself. I mean damn, if he walks out on her now, what you think he gone do when she here. He had no reason to leave. But of coarse this is when act crazy when a baby is now in a picture then he aint matured enough. A man in his mid twenties shouldn’t act that way.  
 
Eventually I told him it was a girl. So another four weeks go by. It’s time for another appointment. I’m surprised he stayed. He hears her heartbeat for the first time at five months pregnant. He gets made when I reveal she will have my last name. A woman can’t do shit when the child has the father name as far as getting what the child need. I got to make sure she will be well off. As far as i know he can walk off at any time.  
 
A woman never depends on a man for shit. They real sweet at first but u don’t know the man until the baby here.  
 
At six months pregnant, he still doesn’t have a job and got a lame excuse. He tells me other day he stop looking cause he got a charge and no one will hire him. Ok so that let’s me know already he not tryin to be there and my daughter means nothing to him.  
 
He also continues to accuse me of sleeping around. and this time he accuse the man i used to work for. It was a simple conversation. I tell him more about how sorry he is. He’s mad cause my family id doing what he pose to be doing. They have every right to talk. He feels they don’t. I’m burden and extra on my family. They got better things to do with there time and money. Everything they do for me as far as this baby is Ron job, not theirs. But he gets mad and say they need to shut up. They wouldn’t talk so much if he would man up and do his job. Ron doesn’t like the truth.  Then it escalated into something else. He claims i fucked the man who raped me. His exact words are, “ You fucked that nigga. And this is why you like for someone to hold u down , you fucked that nigga. Then you workin for him I wonder yall be alone all the time. You just nasty Tori. U can say whatever I think about that shit all the time. I can’t believe you. “  
 
Ok really dude? So If im pose to be sleepin around wit this 50 year old man then why is Ron still with me? He says because he love me. Aint no love that damn great. Because of my past, I already don’t trust men. I got a lil girl on the way and now I got to protect her. I feel like imma shield her too much and I won’t let any man touch her no matter who it is. I’ll be sure no shit like that happens to my baby. At the time i was a young teenager barley over 100 lbs. and this man is almost 300 lbs. Well u readers get the picture.  
 
Ever since that day i been scarred the rest of my life. It has never left my mind.  Ron doesnt help. This is i never told people my personal business. I thought i could trust him with this kind of info. Then he turns around and throw this shit at me. It hurts like hell. I cried all day. I thought I found someone i could trust and would trust me. But I guess I haven’t found Mr. right yet.  
 
Well now all i can say is, It’s my own fault. I fucked Ron and didn’t think about the outcome. stupidity on my part. I knew about this before I had sex with him. But wether he there or not Imma take care of my baby and make sure she have no matter what i gotta do.  
 
Book two is not expressed how i want it but you readers get the picture. 
 
TO BE CONTINUED........... 
 
 
 
 
 Publication Date: May 31st 2011 https://www.bookrix.com/-mrs.tori