text: Nichole Hall Flowers 
   
   
   Wilted 
     
   It’s a bit funny to think I had a chance at keeping the jasmines alive after planting. Their sad, yellows leaves droop and the actual pedals stopped blooming. In my defense I did try everything humanly possible. Planting the jasmines in five foot block of soil surrounded by decaying brick, they did have a chance. I followed the instructions word for word and even got plant food. Sprinkling the actual flowers with water everyday and pouring just the right amount of water into the soil, which by the way was not cheap to buy. Yet, here they are, withering away and my failed attempts to keep them alive are the highlight of my day, my week, hell even my year. 
     
   Nothing ever wants to stay alive around me and planting these flowers just proves the point. Dropping the now will be never used again garden gloves and tools near the dying flowers, wiping the sweat of my forehead, I give up and head back into the house where a fresh glass of lemonade awaits, and jokes at my expense. 
     
   The screen door that has to be thirty years old and really does nothing to keep the flies out or even intruders announces my reentrance into the old dusty house. Grandma says dust builds immunity to the allergens in the air though the sneezing from the both of us never stops. One time I tried dusting when she went out to the grocery store, she noticed. Oh boy, did she notice. A five foot nothing, cane using hunched over grandma with the greyest permed hair scared the living crap out of me that day. Okay, lesson learned. Choose sneezing over grandma’s fury, dully noted. 
     
   “Are they alive, Willow?” I follow the direction of the voice finding grandma sitting at the big brown, polished oak table (the only dust free item in the house), originally hand carved by my grandfather. He was a carpenter, taught my father and was supposed to teach me before but he passed away before he could. My parents didn’t have much time to teach me, with my mother waitressing and my father trying to keep his carpenter skills alive and learning basic business skills, there wasn’t much time to teach me anything. Then four years ago, when i was just thirteen and hitting that puberty age of liking boys and getting ready for high school, a drunk driver took my father’s life and my mother bailed out of town. Since she had no family in the nearing area and grandma was the last living relative, I have been living with her ever since. It hasn’t been all that bad, but sometimes a girl wonders what she did wrong in her previous life to have to be in this situation? “Girl, you in there?” 
     
   Grandma shakes off her reading glasses, setting the newest book in one of her romance novel series. 
     
   “Yeah-I mean no, they are dying.” 
   Taking a seat across from her at the twenty foot table, grandma hides her smirk, just barely. Her lips twitch a bit, and soon to follow will be an offer of some lemonade to cool down the soul. 
   “I’ll grab you some lemonade.” Reaching over she pats my twisted hands, grabs her cane and inches slowly into the kitchen through the connecting door. No matter how capable I am of getting my own, grandma insists on doting on me any chance she gets. Secretly, I think she is holding on to whatever physical youth she has left. Other times I wonder if it’s because she gives me pitying looks when she thinks I am not looking before offering a glass of lemonade, snack, food, money or whatever I need. 
     
   The rubber sole of the cane slithers across the hardwood floor. Grandma pats my head from behind. 
   “Lemonade to soothe the soul child. Lord knows you worked too hard for those flowers to die.” 
   And the cackling starts at my expense. A doting grandmother with jokes, that’s something new. 
     
     
   
   
   
   Strawberry and Vanilla 
   “Okay, so did you see the last episode of Parenthood? OMG!” 
   Mandy bounces along my bed frame, also carved by my grandfather, from one foot to the other. Mandy is that type of person so full of energy, and in small town she needs something to keep her entertained most times. That would not be me, but Monica Potter who once lived here in Arab, Alabama years ago. She is Mandy’s idol for my best friend’s pursuing acting career. 
     
   “Whew! It’s hot in here.” Mandy fans her face, still unable to even sit down. 
   “Humidity kills.” 
   Mandy nods her head. We have been banished to my simple bedroom away from the air conditioner due to grandma’s knitting club.  
     
   “Come on, let’s go to the ice cream parlor. Everyone will be there.” 
   Before I can even reject that idea, Mandy grabs my hand and soon we are out the front door, Grandma simply waving her hand for a goodbye before we hop on our bicycles heading into town. 
     
   The ice cream parlor has not changed in years. They still carry those big tubs of ice cream rather than simple ones like at Baskin Robins in a cooler where there is ample amount of selections. This place keeps it old school and simple with three flavors: vanilla, strawberry, chocolate. Not much to choose, but in the humidity, it’s a nice break from the sweltering heat. 
   Once Mandy and I finish leaning our bikes against a railing, we enter the nice AC shop where our sweat drops from the ride over freeze in spot.  
   The place is packed as usual and most of the kids from our school are lingering about at the bar stools or in the red booths. We are lucky when a mother and her son leave from two bar stools near us. We don’t hesitate to swoop in. 
   “Hello there girls.” 
   “Hi Mickey.” We respond in unison. Mickey gives Mandy a friendly smile, it slips just a bit when he looks at me. There it is, the sympathy look. At first when they started happening from everyone in this small forsaken town, it was embarrassing. Then the looks grew irritating, now I just try my hardest to brush them aside.  
   “Vanilla and strawberry mix?” 
   We both nod. Mickey smiles and starts making our concoction. Mandy turns around in her bar stool with her elbows leaning on the counter top so she gets a better view of everyone in here. She can’t stand having her back turned on people. I’ll never understand why, but that’s her choice.  
   The ice cream begins melting right away even in the cold room, Mandy and I don’t hesitate to dig in. 
   “Ohhh, there’s Kevin and his little minion.” 
   I turn my head just a bit, taking in Kevin and his best friend Charlie. Kevin and Charlie are the most popular guys in our high school. While Charlie is known for what we teenagers say a “man-whore,” Kevin is the total opposite of untouchable.  
   “What I wouldn’t do to have one night with him.” My best friend whispers dreamily.  
   “Good luck with that.” 
   “Do you think he’s gay?” Mandy blurts out, eyes wide open as if she just made a revelation. I take another look at Kevin and Charlie who have found seats at the far end of the bar top. While Charlie has that all american good boy look with blonde hair and blue eyes, Kevin...well Kevin is not. He isn’t sexy or hot or whatever girls say to describe him, but Kevin just has the aura of masculinity and dominance that just doesn’t go unnoticed by the female population. I mean he may not be the whole adonis god like gorgeous male, but his dark short cropped hair and hazel eyes aren’t too bad in the looks department. While his nose has a nip in it, like its been broken a few times, he has that square jaw. Both Kevin and Charlie walk straight and tall, pride shining through their eyes. 
   “Nah. Maybe he just doesn’t like the small selection here.” 
   Mandy rolls her eyes. 
   “Gee, thanks.” 
   “Look if anyone could catch him, it would be you. Although I think you and Charlie both with blonde hair and blue eyes would make some pretty cute babies some day.”  
   Mandy starts gagging as I continue chuckling. Charlie’s reputation really is not a secret. Nothing really ever is here.  
   We finish our ice creams in silence, Mandy observing everything and everyone while I stare at my empty bowl wondering how to fix the broken flowers.  
   “Ready to go?” I ask Mandy. The sun is beginning to settle and grandma worries about me riding this late at night. 
   “Yeah, I guess.” 
   As we leave the cool into the melting pot outside, we both climb unto our bicycles. Searching for my phone that’s normally in my back pocket of my shorts, I come out empty handed.  
   “Crap, I left my- 
   “You looking for this?” 
   Immediately Mandy is in flirty mode. Flipping her braid behind her shoulder, she climbs off her bike sashaying towards the two males, one of whom holds my cell. Grabbing the phone from Kevin’s hand, I look up to see that he actually isn’t paying attention to my friends antics but staring back at me waiting for a response. 
   “Yes, thank you.” 
   Both Kevin and Charlie smile, which is enough for Mandy to start fanning her face in more of hot flashes from hot male approach than the humidity. Charlie turns around, walking backwards staring at us while he and Kevin walk the opposite way of our destination.  
   “See you at school, Mandy.” 
   For once, my best friend is frozen to one spot.  
   
   
   
   Dead Flowers, A new Beginning 
   It’s official, my flowers are dead. No more. Just pitiful branches with no leaves or blossoming white petals filling up the surrounding area with their wonderful calming smell. It’s been a week since I figured out they were dying. Deep down, I hoped they would live to fight another day, but they gave up. I want to plead and beg for my flowers to please, please live. Don’t let me down now, please. 
   “Honey, you can stare at them all day but that ain’t gonna do nothing but make you look like some crazy person. Now go on and give them up.” 
   So says my grandma, as she tends to her living and thriving vegetable garden not three feet away. 
   “You don’t give up on your vegetables.” 
   In her long flowery dress, bending on her knees, with a straw hat to shade her face, Grandma keeps on pulling out weeds near her vegetables. She glances at me, with the pity look before returning to her side of the garden. 
   “Honey, you can’t make something stay if they don’t want to.” 
   Words of the wise woman. She isn’t just talking about flowers anymore. For so long, I was convinced my mother was coming back. She never showed signs of depression or an illness, my father and her got along well. Sure, they had their fights, but so does every couple, so divorce was out of the question. There really wasn’t any warning either. One morning I woke up and she was gone. Bags packed, bedroom nearly empty with a few remaining clothes in the closet that belonged to my father, and no note. Nothing. I guess the worse part about her leaving was that right there. She never gave a reason. So I held unto to hope, to a fighting chance that she would come back and want me, but she didn’t. Once a month a check is sent with the old address printed on it, with no postal stamp on the envelope leading to any clues of where she might be. Just a check addressed to me, almost like child support. I give grandma the check every month, too hurt to touch that shame money.  
   “Go get some lemonade to soothe your soul, honey.” 
   Somehow, lemonade can’t make up for the fact that my mother never wanted me or that she wasn’t there to help all of us deal with my father’s death. My grandma was already deep into her growing age, then my father died and she took it hard. A few days later, I’m at her doorstep with bags full of clothes. I didn’t cry when it happened. In fact it took almost two weeks for the pain to really hit. And it hit, hard and long.  
   After the glass of lemonade and a cold shower I feel like Mandy, anxious and pacing all over the bedroom. No use in denying that grandma opened a can of bad memories that will forever haunt me.  
   In some sort of attempt to clear my head I call Mandy, hoping for a distraction. Another description of Monica Potter’s life sounds better right now than anything else. 
   “Helloooo?” 
   “Hey.” Pause. I hear some shuffling and doors closing in the background. “What are you doing?” 
   “Getting ready for Clarissa’s pool party.” 
   “Oh.” Mandy keeps in loop with all the neighboring parties and town gossip as I try and stay out of the limelight of things. So it isn’t unusual for her to go to these things without me. Well, so much for a distraction. 
   “Oh? Don’t tell me you aren’t ready yet. Our ride will be here in like five minutes to get me and then we are coming to get you!” Mandy practically screams. 
   “Our ride? Get me?” I sound like a blubbering idiot. 
   “You forgot.” She sighs. “I told you, like last week when you were crying over your dead flowers.” 
   “I wasn’t crying.” 
   “Whatever. Get ready, like now.” 
   “Okay, okay. But, who’s picking us up.” 
   I can feel the evil smile from Mandy before she even speaks. 
   “That’s for me to know.” Click. 
   Well then.  
   My choices are limited in the bathing suit department. Really there are only two choices and neither of them are really appealing. A one piece black suit that covers everything, or a red bikini that Mandy called sexy and bought for me. The little triangles cover most of my cleavage, and the bottoms while are low riding on the hips do cover my butt cheeks. The problem lay in just how much it reveals, leaving very little to the imagination. Knowing Mandy, she will march me back up here and force change me into the bikini. So really, there is no choice.  
   Once the suit is on and the feeling of being naked doesn’t evaporate as I had hoped, I cover the suit with cut off shorts and a loose tank. Throwing my frizzy brown hair into a pony tail, I declare myself ready. Just in time to hear a honking.  
   Running out the door with a backpack full of necessary items, I call to my grandmother that I will be back later. She yells back to call and check in later, but nothing else. When my eyes lift from the side gate to the car waiting at the curb, my jaw drops to the floor and my feet stop moving. Really there is a good reason for this reaction as my flirty best friend sits in the front seat of a Ram truck waving crazily.  
   “Hurry up Willow!” Mandy calls after rolling down the window.  
   On their own accord, my feet travel towards the back door which is already propped open for me. I slide into the leather seat making an ugly noise.  
   “Hey Willow.” My best friend has lost her mind, or her flirting knows no bounds.  
   “Uh, hey Charlie. Kevin.” 
   Kevin smiles next to me and Charlie turns around in the driver seat, slipping sunglasses back over his eyes before shooting the monster truck forward.  
     
   Mandy kept up the chatter enough for the ride not to be too awkward. See, she has this ability to be a chatter box, but she also has the ability to carry a conversation that doesn’t revolve just around her life like most girls do. Her enthusiasm and excitement soon caught on to Charlie, who wouldn’t stop smiling our laughing at anything Mandy said. If he wasn’t such a slut, I would think he actually had a thing for her.  
   We arrive at the pool party as it is in full swing. Many upcoming seniors like the four of us are here. None of them I really talk to, at all. Mandy and Charlie disappear to the drink section while Kevin is immediately surrounded by females thriving for his attention. While Charlie is the one to flaunt his appreciation for the opposite sex, Kevin hides his. Sure, he is smiling at all the attention, but deep in his eyes his discomfort is noticeable.  
   I take a seat on a lounge chair close to the pool waving Kevin over in order to give him some excuse. My actions are beyond words in my mind, but deep down it’s selfishness on my part. I want a distraction, and since Mandy has dissipated into thin air, Kevin is my last hope. He doesn’t deny my requests. 
   He does, however, slowly strut over to the empty lounge chair next to me as his arms slowly reach over and take over his shirt. Bad mistake. Now I have joined the asinine club of female gawker.  
   “Thanks, for you know.” 
   “Uh-yeah. Sure.” When our eyes meet, Kevin winks and a blush takes over. I was just caught oogling. Great.  
   “You going to take your clothes off? You’ll get a bad tan that way.”  
   Kevin leans back on the lounge chair, pulling his arms behind his head. With one simple flick, his sunglasses slip falling over his eyes. I look down at my raggedy clothes, pulling at the loose tank top.  
   “Maybe in a little.” 
   “Your choice.” Kevin shrugs like he doesn’t have a care in the world. He probably doesn’t either.  
   Reaching into my backpack, I pull out my own pair of glasses and some sunblock. I have pretty tan skin, but that’s because I am a smart person and actually put on sunblock so my skin doesn’t burn instead. The only problem now is that in a normal person’s world, applying sunblock usually means stripping down to the bathing suit. Turning my back to Kevin and quickly standing up, most of the clothes are discarded and folded at the edge of the lounge chair. As the application process of sunscreen has started, there’s just one tiny problem, who will do my back? Mandy, the ever faithful best friend is usually in charge of that part. I leave my back for last, buying time to see if Many reappears. No such luck. My head whips back and forth in search of her, but there is no sign of blonde hair and blue eyes in a green two piece.  
   “Here, let me.”  
   Kevin leans up, showing off just how many muscles the guy really does have. Holding out his hand, he shakes it impatiently at me. My mind snaps back to reality knowing i just caught twice in the matter of ten minutes checking him out. The pitter patter of my heartbeat refuses to slow down, and a heat deep down ignites some really hormonal feelings, but I act it off handing the lotion and turning around. There’s a squirt noise, and a snap of the lid being shut closed. The anticipation of feeling his hands on me starts another accelerated breathing process. My chest rises up and down in quick sessions. Just as his hands begin their connection, my skin wants to scream for more. Slowly, the rough hands massage their way over my back side. Starting from my shoulders in slow circular motions, down the sides and just above the top part of the bottom bikini. Once there, Kevin teases my back dimples with a tiny pinch. I near let out a groan of wanting. 
   “Hot damn! Willow, you look hot enough to eat girl.” 
   My eyes snap open. Mandy approaches from the right, carrying two plastic red cups. I push myself up and away from Kevin and his seriously alluring, captivating and spellbinding touch. Oh God, what is wrong with me? Me attracted to Kevin? No, no, no. Cannot and will not ever happen. 
   Mandy stops in between both lounge chairs. Her bandeau top pushes up her C cup breasts, and two tiny strings on the side hold up front and back triangle bottoms. She even is wearing a matching green belly button ring. In other words, Mandy is the one to look hot enough to eat, not me. 
   “Here.” She pushes a red cup full of slosh in my hand. I look up at her in question. “Margarita time. Charlie has yours Kevin.” Before I can deny the requests of not wanting it, Mandy turns around taking a seat near Kevin’s feet engaging him in conversation. I look down at the slosh and think why not? In the last few summers, Mandy and I have had our moments of drinking the night away into oblivion. Most of the time is when I couldn’t stop thinking about why my mother left, the other time was my father’s two year death anniversary. We didn’t do it every anniversary per say, but we did it whenever those times just grew too unbearable. And didn’t I want a distraction?  
   “Bottoms up.” Charlie salutes his own cup, I salute back. The day only starts to begin from there.  
   
   
   
   Super Troopers 
   The white ball soars through the air landing perfectly in the last cup with a simple splash that goes unheard by the roaring crowd. Mandy, using my back for support, jumps up and down yelling incomprehensible drunk words. I think she meant to say “you suck” at one point, but all that came out was “y’sssook.” 
   “We won!” Mandy shouts, more clearly this time. 
   “Because of me.” I smirk. Mandy, too drunk to do anything than cheer, had been no help in the floating beer pong game. 
   “Number one cheering squad. Ah!” Charlie swoops up Mandy in the pool, swaying her around like some sort of princess. I can’t help but wonder what games he is playing at. Maybe Mandy is his next victim? Last week she was gagging at him making a move on her, two seconds later she is swooning outside the ice cream shop, and now they are full blown making out in a crowded pool in front of many of Charlie’s previous conquests. Whom, at the moment, are not looking too happy. 
   “Get a room.” Kevin saunters over. The water is never ending waves and ripples from constant motion. Someone removes the floating beer pong table out of the pool, creating more space for people to splash and swim about.  
   Charlie and Mandy finally break apart and there’s that look Mandy has. The one that says she has drunk way too much and is about to blow out the entire contents of her stomach. I grab her hand, pulling her to the steps of the pool and leading her out. Once on cemented ground, it’s harder to keep her upright. Putting an arm around her waist, I holster more of her weight on me. We pass Clarissa passing out more drinks on the way. 
   “Where’s the bathroom?” Clarissa takes one look at Mandy shaking her head. 
   “She is not blowing chunks in my bathroom.” She then proceeds to walk away. Mandy drops her red cup, swaying even more and the moment is nearing by the seconds. I really am not feeling up to cleaning puke off myself. When I look over my shoulder back at the pool, Charlie seems blind to the little melodrama going on with his date talking with a bunch of senior guys that I don’t even know their names, but Kevin is watching us with an eagle eye. We make eye contact as he takes a sip of his drink, never breaking it. Kevin has been on and off all day. One moment he seems nice and easy to talk to, the next shut off from the world. Contrary to what I previously thought, he is a major flirt. The only things is, Kevin doesn’t sleep with these girls. Why? I break the eye contact and look back at Mandy, remembering there are more important problems to be dealt with.  
   “Don’t feel so hot, Willow.” 
   “I know.” What I really want to say is DUH, and next time CONTROL YOUR DRINKING. But I don’t. Instead, I keep walking Mandy through the backyard to the gate where we first entered from. Bushes align the outside part of the wooden gate. To hell with Clarissa, if she won’t let Mandy blow chunks in her bathroom, then it’s happening in the bushes. Mandy drops to her knees and the gagging starts. Being the good friend I am, as she continues to let out the contents of her stomach, I pull back her hair and hold it while holding my own breath as well.  
   Ten minutes later, my best friend is snoring on the sidewalk and I am at a lost of what to do next. I don’t want to bother Charlie and Kevin to drive us, especially because they have been drinking. Add to that, all of our stuff is inside the backyard and while Arab can be trusted enough to not have some random stranger walking by and kidnap Mandy or worse, I don’t want her to wake up and freak out because I am not there. 
   The snores continue. Well.. this blows. 
   Mandy groans, pushing herself into a fetal position.  
   “Hey Mandy, I’ll be right back okay?” Another groan. I’ll take that for an okay in drunken terms. I hop up in a quicken pace and start heading towards to gate all the while taking in the bushes. 
    Now the only situation problem is the driving. How are we going to ge-”Umph..” My body bounces off another one, just more hard and much more taller. The consequence sends me flailing backwards. Two feet from the ground and strong hands grip my wrists pulling my back. The person steps out of the shadows as my beating hard slows down, and then Kevin’s face appears and the beating accelerates. Images of him applying the sun tan lotion earlier flash, with a dozen more from the day. Mostly of him giving me some sort of stare that seemed to hold me frozen in place each time. Weird and unnatural.  
   “Forget this?” I try not to laugh at the fact that Kevin has stated that to me twice in one week, but I fail. When Kevin holds up two bags containing our contents, I nod still laughing. His lips twitch, but nothing else reveals behind the mask of his. He’s smiled sure, like in the car, but now those smiles seem so guarded. Unlike last time, he doesn’t have to wait for the thanks. Kevin only nods in reply. “Who’s taking you two home?” 
   “Why?” Kevin steps closer, I take a step back. 
   “Because Mandy and Charlie were supposed to crash at my house, but are completely trashed.” The tone is low and feral. Kevin is pissed and taking out at me. While this might intimidate others, what Kevin doesn’t know is that living with my grandmother is more intimidating. 
   “Since when is Mandy on friendly terms with you?” He steps back, I feel myself breathing again. 
   “Since she and Charlie have been hanging out all week.” Kevin smiles smugly at my wide open mouth. “Didn’t know did you? Aren’t you supposedly her best friend?” 
   “Not supposedly and what my friend does with her love life is no business of mine.” Yes, it is and she sure as hell is getting a storm in the morning. Keeping it secret would only last so long. Eventually news would spread and Mandy knows that I would have given her crap for even thinking that Charlie was the dating or settling down type. 
   “Right. I’ll believe that when me shit turns purple and tastes like rainbow sherbert.” 
   “Did you just quote Super Troopers?” 
   Kevin bursts out laughing. This one is real and unguarded like ones before. His demeanor from hostile to joking in seconds flat is giving me whiplash.  
   “Okay Willow, you surprised me with that one.” Moans echo from behind. We both turn around in flash as Mandy uprights herself shakily, looking around in a confused haze. “Go. I’ll be back.” Kevin takes the stance again, leaving before a response can be formed. I walk back over to Mandy. On all fours she looks me, then the bushes, and back at me. 
   “Oh God, did I...?” 
   “Yup.” 
   “Did Charlie see?” 
   “Yup.” Mandy ducks her head in shame. 
   “What did he say?” 
   “That you are stupid for thinking that your best friend wouldn’t find out about you two. What are you thinking Mandy? You are better than that!” I stomp my foot to add an emphasis on just how upset I am that she kept this secret. My best friend keeps her head down, slow tears drip down her face. I want to feel bad, but honestly I can’t say that I do. It’s not because of her dating Charlie, it’s because she lied about it. Wouldn’t come clean. Now here she is, drunk and crying. Yeah, she would win an oscar for sure.  
   “Hey, come on.” Kevin reappears with Charlie who is not much better off than Mandy. Charlie attempts at helping Mandy into the car but two drunk people do not make a half sober one. Kevin ends up hauling Mandy by her waist and throwing her in the back seat. Charlie slides in next to her, while I take the front. Soon two sets of snoring are sounding from the backseat.  
   When Kevin passes the street that turns into my house and heads straight through town I ask him where he’s going. 
   “All four of us are drunk. Do you really want your grandmother to smell your booze breath?” 
   Looking at the clock reading only nine pm, Kevin makes a valid point. All of our parents would be up and that would be fun one trying to explain. 
   “If you don’t want to spend the night, I’ll drive you home once you are sober.” 
   “Yeah, that works.” Still clad in only a bathing suit, I wrap my arms around my torso feeling the nakedness all of sudden. Kevin passes through main street and heads towards the very end where his infamous house lives. With his old lineage connected to Arab’s founder, his family has the biggest house. On about eight acres of land and a four story home that cannot quite be defined as a mansion nor the suburbs, he was born to one of the wealthiest families in town. Speaking of families. “Where are you parents?” 
   After some lip thinning and jaw bunching, Kevin responds. “Out of town.” 
   “That’s convenient.” 
   “It’s always convenient.” He says under his breath. When his knuckles start turning white and the grip on the steering wheel tightens, it’s clear that parents are a no-go topic here. Fine with me, I really wouldn’t want to get into about my parents either. 
   About two minutes later, we are pulling into a long gravel driveway lined by red bricks. The greenest grass of the town moves for miles until Kevin finally stops in front of a wraparound porch. I look back Charlie and Mandy, both asleep. Mandy with her head on Charlie’s lap while his he rest on her back. 
   “Leave them. Too much dead weight to try and carry.” 
   Shocked at his words I try and protest but Kevin only shrugs shutting the car door and entering his house. With only snores keeping me company, I jump out and follow. 
   Entering the darkened house means seeing the inside for the first time really is not that wonderful as to be expected. Kevin only lights enough for the entrance hallway which is all marble tile and leads the way down back into a den area. A bar stands at the very right of the wall, giving any real bar in this town a run for their money in the selections department. Three large black leather couches create three fourths of a circle. Where the fourth part would be lays a large entertainment system and a flat screen television that takes up nearly the entire wall. The center of all of this a clear glass coffee table that sparkles and shines brighter than my teeth.  
   “Here.” Kevin hands over a glass cup. A few pieces of ice rattle inside the red liquid. 
   “What is this?” 
   “Cranberry and vodka.” Taking a seat in the center of the three couches, Kevin kicks up his feet sprawling out and clicking on the tv. His abs shimmer in the dim light and then I remember my own state of undress. While he feels completely comfortable in just board shorts, I don’t in a bikini. Good thing I brought my bag with me.  
   After the clothes from earlier are over my now drying bathing suit, I take a seat next to Kevin. My drink remains untouched while his is nearly empty. When Super Troopers pops out on the screen, I can’t help when a big grin comes across my face. Making eye contact, Kevin smiles too. Then the smile fades. Oh, what now? 
   “Not drinking?” 
   “You said you would drive me home when I was more sober.” 
   “You didn’t specify the time. Besides you swear like your grandmother is ignorant to what happened at the pool party.” 
   True and true. But still... 
   “And do you really trust us with Mandy alone?”  
   “Wow, when you put it that way.” 
   As if some secret passes, Kevin smiles knowing he won this round. Taking a deep breath, my fingers type my grandmothers phone number. 
   “Willow.” She greets automatically. It isn’t a very nice greeting either. 
   “Hi, grandma.” I try for a fake cheery voice. She doesn’t fall for the trick. 
   “Where are you?”  
   “Um, at Kevin Gardley’s house.” For some reason, the feeling that she is shaking her head in an okay gesture pops into my mind. Her next words only confirm. 
   “Good, he’s a good boy.” Uh, what? “Is it you or Mandy?” 
   “You know everything don’t you?” 
   “Honey, I am not an old unwise woman. I’ll take it that it is that Mandy girl. Bring her over for breakfast in the morn and be safe.” 
   “Okay..” 
   “Goodnight, honey.” Click. How was that so easy? And how does she know everything? God, she is like the people whisperer.  
   “Let me guess, she’s okay with everything?” The bitterness in Kevin’s tone doesn’t go unnoticed.  
   “Uh, actually yeah.” There was no way I am giving him an ego boost with my grandmother’s false misunderstanding words of him being  “good boy.” Kevin Gardley is anything but. “Do you not like my grandmother or something?” 
   Kevin shoots me a dark look. His eyes have gone cold and shut down, his demeanor stands on guard, straight and arrow his body shoots up. “I’m going to bed. Feel free to use any of the guest bedrooms on the second floor.” 
   After he leaves the den, a loud crash echoes into the den sounding familiar to a class cup breaking. Whatever is going on between his alter ego’s, he needs to get them in check. One moment he is easy to talk to and the other a cold monster comes out throwing class cups for no apparent reason. 
   
   
   
   Everyone Knows Something 
   After Super Trooper’s ended, I decided it was time to take that offer on one of the guest bedrooms. First things first, the intention is to get Mandy up and at it so she can take a bed too. I am not that messed up of a friend to leave her sleeping in a car all night long. 
   Following the same path back to the front door, the car is in the same spot as before. The only problem is when I look in, neither Charlie nor Mandy are fast asleep in the back seat. A chill crawls over my skin and worry hits my stomach, notting into a dozen butterflies flying around in fury. Where the hell are they? 
   Standing there like a shocked idiot doesn’t help, so I turn back around and run into the house. With minimal light and even less knowledge of where Kevin’s bedroom is, I am at a loss of what to do. The only thing possible is to start checking bedrooms.  
   I start on the second level since that is where Kevin suggested all the guest bedrooms might be. It’s a maze at first climbing one of the two set of stairs. To the right are six doors and to the left five. Being closer to the right, I start opening the doors and turning on the lights only to find empty bedrooms and one empty half bathroom. Once I have reached the end I turn around and head the other direction. Much of the same this time except no half bathroom. With one door left all the way at the far end, I pray that those two idiots are in here sleeping away without misery, because internally I am freaking out. Okay, Charlie may not be some psychotic teenager, but he could be a horny one trying to get Mandy to sleep with him.  
   My hand reaches out to the door knob just as it turns and the door swings wide open. To my dismay, a sleepy Kevin is standing in front of me. I try, keyword try, not to notice how his hair is in disarray making him look so innocent and cute, or how he only wears boxer briefs to bed, showing off his muscular and tan build.  
   “Can I help you?” He snaps. 
   “I can’t find Mandy or Charlie.” I snap back. Kevin rolls his eyes, walking past me. With nowhere else to go, I begrudgingly follow his lead. He walks down the stairs cutting to the left, passing through a display living room, rather than one where people actually sit down and converse in. Two more sets of doors, one on each side of opposite walls are there. Kevin opens the one on the right, swaying his arm as to say “look.” I peek my head in. There they are. Both completely snoring loudly this time. Charlie has his arm wrapped around Mandy as her backside is completely pushed to his front. Little smiles paint their faces. They seem so content. Slowly backing out, Kevin shuts the door. 
   “Happy now?”  
   “What’s got you in a pissy mood?” Or your panties in a twist. Figuratively of course, his briefs are looking pretty stretched at the moment. On their own accord, my eyes trail back to the bulge in front.  
   “You.” His word snaps me back to reality. 
   “Sorry I am such a dishevel to your life. If you would have-” 
   Kevin doesn’t let me finish, only stalks away completely cutting me off. Now what the hell did I ever do to him? Today is the first day we have ever talked to each other. I remember his pinched smiled in the car ride over to the party. Does he really hate me that much? Whatever. Nothing I can do about it, and it’s not like I care. Right? Right. 
   “Are you coming?” His voice booms causing me to jump three feet in the air.  
   Standing at the top of the second level with his arms crossed over his chest, a feeling of meeting the calvary pops into my head. When I reach him, Kevin turns right opening the first door on the left. Clicking on the light, I shield my eyes from the sudden brightness. The rooms is bigger than the kitchen and dining room at home put together, also more lavish. A four poster bed sits in the middle of the room. Oak night stands on each side and on the far left side is a couch. Another door sits next to the couch. 
   “There’s a bathroom in here. Towels are under the sink.” Then I am alone. 
   Wasting no time, I head to the shower. My skin is dry from the chlorine, my clothes have dried stiff on me and my hair is a tangled mess of waves. Awesome. The steamy shower feels great and soon after the cold water starts running I hop out and cover myself in towels. My clothes lay in a discarded heap on the floor. Without thinking, I pass those and head back into the bedroom with the full intention of sleeping in towels.  
   That doesn’t happen though. Kevin sits on the bed, his eyes trained on one of the oak night stands. I follow his gaze inspecting the handy work. It clicks that this was one of my father’s. Shocked to the core and unable to do anything but walk over to the night stand and caress it, it feels like a piece of him comes back. Four years ago he died and I have never felt so close to him than when touching one of his works of art.  
   “It was your fathers.” I nod. “Here.”  
   Pushed into my hands are clothes. A pair of black sweatpants with our high school emblem on them, a plain white shirt and surprisingly, a bra. Inspecting the bra, it is my exact size. 
   “I guessed you were a B cup.” My eyebrows arch high. 
   “Who’s is it?” 
   “Who knows?” Kevin smiles smugly.  
   “So you aren’t gay?” I blurt. The words were out of my mouth before I could even think about the consequences. Fearing some sort of outburst, I am surprised when Kevin bursts out laughing. Standing up still laughing he heads to the door with my question unanswered. Just as he closes the door with just two inches left. The side of his face smirks at me. 
   “I don’t do relationships, Willow. That doesn’t mean I don’t have my fun either.” Ew. Shutting the door still laughing, I stand there in a daze. So Kevin is a manwhore, he just doesn’t flaunt it like Charlie. It takes awhile to decide if that’s a good or bad thing. When my eyes finally shut for the night, I am still undecided.   
     
   ***** 
   The next morning Charlie was the one to drop Mandy and I off. Mandy kept rubbing her temples in attempt to get rid of her pounding hangover. Grandma had breakfast just about ready when we walked in. With glasses of lemonade and water, and a cup of coffee, that table was set up for three. Once breakfast was served, pancakes, eggs, hashbrowns and sausages, we all sat down to eat. Grandma had to keep chiding Mandy to eat her food. 
   “Lemonade to soothe your soul Mandy, and grease-y food to help the stomach. Eat it all now, child.” Mandy learned early on that you don’t argue with grandma. I scarfed down my food in no time, sneezing more frequently than usual. It didn’t feel like a cold was coming on, but usually if I stay away from the house for more than a day the dust bunnies get to me.  
   “Good job, Willow.” Grandma pats my head after all the food on the plate is now sitting inside my full belly. She then sends Mandy and I to my bedroom to go take a nap. Grandma, the hangover guru. Just as we stand up from the table she voices her opinion. “Next time the two of you decide it’s a good idea to drink into oblivion, think again.”  
   “God, how do you know everything?” Mandy repeats the same question I asked grandma last night. 
   “I ain’t no child. I am an old wise woman, you best remember that, girl.” 
   Mandy’s eyes bulge wide causing me to crack up laughing. She thinks she’s seen my grandmother at her best, but she hasn’t seen a thing yet.  
     
   The day passes by quickly and Mandy left after the three hour nap we took. Grandma recruited to me help with her garden vegetables. It seemed at first as some type of punishment. Showing how her garden lives and mine died, but then she seemed so content with me helping pulling out the weeds and planting tomato vines. Yes, I know, tomato is a fruit, but grandma’s tomato’s are legendary size.  
   “Fruit and vegetable roots mixing creates bigger results.” She says. I don’t know how much i believe that. It could be we have good soil here.  
   We continue to pull out weeds, plant new seeds and take out old vegetables that didn’t survive. Hey, her plants thrive, but not every single one lives. We also pull out vegetables that are ready to be cleaned and eaten. Two hours into the work, and none of us have said anything yet. Sometimes gardening is my own soothing the soul technique. Of course, my dead plot would say otherwise. 
   “You register this week for school, honey.” Grandma finally breaks the silence.  
   “I know.”  
   “Good. How many classes you got this year?” Pulling out a deep rooted carrot, I grunt in exasperation before answering. 
   “Only five. The AP classes gave me extra credits.” 
   “That’s my smart girl.” Grandma smiles in appreciation, either at the huge carrot or my hard work in high school. An image of Kevin and his ugly, disdained face from last night creeps up.  
   “Grandma, why did you say Kevin is a good kid?” 
   “You don’t think so, Willow?” We both quit our current pulling and sit down in the shade. Grandma wipes some sweat off her forehead with the back of her long sleeve shirt. Both of our pants are stained brown and green from the amount of time we spend out here every week. We use the same gardening pants so we don’t ruin any other clothing. Our long sleeves keep in the heat, but protect our skin from the sun. While Grandma also insists on wearing her straw hat, I just keep sunglasses on.  
   “He just seems so...” I trail off, hoping for her to finish my sentence. No such luck.   I try again. “He just acts so standoffish. He is so hot and cold one minute from the next, I can’t keep up with his mood swings. What’s his problem?” 
   “Willow.” Her chiding voice is back. I groan out loud as she swipes her hand against my arm in a weak slap. “You can’t judge that boy anymore than he can judge you.” 
   “He does though! God, he talked to me yesterday like I was no better than the dirt underneath his shoe.” 
   Grandma smiles that all knowing smile. 
   “Honey, you just haven’t read his story yet.” 
   “But you have apparently, so tell me.” 
   With a sad smile, Grandma shakes her body off with dirt. Standing up, I follow the same pattern before entering the house. Immediately Grandma goes the cupboard, pulling out two glasses. Before she even has to ask, I reach into the fridge pulling out the carafe of lemonade, made fresh every morning. When Grandma needs a cup for herself, it’s never a good sign. Grandma leans on the countertop. She hates gardening with her walker nearby, reminds her of her old age she says. Her legs must be tired and sore. Pretty soon, she will have to take a nap to rejuvenate. When her eyes linger outside the window, I know it’s something pretty important wheeling around in the mind of hers. 
   “Grandma, what’s the big secret?” Her sad smile returns. 
   “Willow, give the boy a chance.” 
   “Grandma?” I ask confused. 
   “It’s time for my nap, honey.” Holding out her arm for me, I guide her to her bedroom. She remains quietly content on the slow walk. My mind turning circles as I help her take off her shoes and hat. Pulling back the covers for her, she slides in gracefully for her age.  
   “What are you keeping from me?” 
   With tired eyes, she sighs. “Somethings are not meant to be told from me, but the source itself.” 
   “So Kevin is the source?” The way she is talking in lingo, it’s like everything is directed at something hidden from me. What exactly could that be? Maybe, they’ve seen my mother or know where she is at. In that case, I would like to know. Just so I could approach her and ask what exactly she thought she was doing leaving me at the house by myself. What if I had gone into shock and no one found me? Or what if something had happened because I was freaking out at her absence? Did she even bother to check up on me, at least secretively? 
   “He just understands, Willow.” Her breathing deepens as her exhaustions takes ahold. What exactly can a boy that I’ve hardly had contact with, understand? 
     
   **** 
   We sit at a booth this time in the ice cream shop. Ignoring Mandy all week had been a task, one that grandma was obviously not blind to. When registration day had come, just four days before school starts for our senior year, grandma forced me to go with Mandy. But she wasn’t alone. No, Kevin and Charlie were with her. Hence the reason for the ignoring.  
   The two lovebirds sit across from me, Kevin to my right. The four of us haven’t really talked much as a group, rather in pairs or trios. Kevin and I haven’t talked directly to each other yet.  
   After the gardening day, my mom and dad had been on my mind all week. Rehashing the old pain didn’t help any, but only brought more questions to my mind. What exactly did Kevin understand about me? And why does he talk with so much apparent hatred towards me? That does not equal understanding in my book. Grandma has officially lost her touch, or she’s delusional. I’m going with delusional.  
   “What do you guys want?” Charlie finally asks. 
   “I know what Willow wants.” Charlie and Mandy share a look. 
   “And I know what Kevin wants.” They smile at each other and exit the booth. When I turn my head at Kevin, he avoids all eye contact with me. No time like the present to confront him. 
   “My grandmother seems to think you are a good kid.” He only offers me a brief glance. “She also seems to think you ‘understand’ me.” I add finger quotes to emphasize my point. Kevin straightens up in his seat. 
   “I know more than I’d like to know.” Intrigued, I pull Kevin’s sleeve to face me. He shoots me a nasty look, but doesn’t say anything. 
   “Just what do you know, Kevin Gardley?” 
   “What everyone in the town knows.” He shrugs, I slap the back of his head for playing stupid.  
   “Don’t do that again.” He growls. Of course, I do it again. “Willow..” His voice has taken on a warning tone. 
   “Or what? You are playing evasive so I am playing dirty. Tell me, what do you know? Have you heard from my mother? Is she in town, hiding?” I can’t keep the enthusiasm out of my voice, nor do I want to. Shaking Kevin this time, he growls even louder until his forehead is pressed against mine. Eye to eye he speaks.  
   “I know nothing. Drop it.” Golden flecks scatter around the greenish brown eyes. My breathing hitches up a notch. His is no better. Both of us are panting like dogs in heat. Boy, does it feel like I am heat. My stomach starts doing somersaults as chills spread all around my body head to toe. A deep need pools between my legs, at first I am confused at this reaction. When it hits like a brick to the head, I pull back with wide eyes. Kevin seems to understand that reaction perfectly and offers a quick smirk. 
   “Do I turn you on, little one? Does my ferocious tone and heated gaze bring wanting?” Strategically placing his hand on my stomach, just above my crotch, Kevin pulls in face to face again. Pushing his hand inward, my skin jumps at the desire and need to be touched by him. By Kevin Gardley. Oh hell. Words get stuck in my throat, I swallow a few times in attempt to talk. 
   “No.” I rasp out. Turning his head, his hot breath catches at the nape of my neck trailing up towards my left ear. The panting from both of us had increased tenfold. Closing my eyes, I try taking deep breaths to calm the sudden urge to jump his bones. Really it does nothing other than catch a whiff of his cologne and body masked together. The same smell of his clothes that I borrowed and yet to give back. It does strange things to my senses, nearly having me salivate all over his shoulder. 
   “Liar.” He whispers and whips back to his original straight sitting position. A veil once again over his face, masking whatever just happened there. With cold eyes, he turns to my direction. “I told you before I don’t do relationships.” 
   “Why do you feel the need to reiterate?” It comes out husky and full of wanting. Okay, Willow stop it. You can stop right now. But I can’t, not even when his sharp demeanor is once again pointed at me.  
   “We both want each other. Enough said.” 
   “Whew, hot today and hot tomorrow.” Mandy slides in the booth, handing over the cup of ice cream. Immediately I dig in, trying to cool off the burning in me.  
   Kevin and I both know it’s not from the heat in the weather.  
   
   
   
   New Friends 
   School starts early on a hot Monday morning. Mandy called and requested an over the phone help to pick out her outfit. I could really care less in my shorts and scoop  neck shirt. There is one new development, until Mandy gets a car, Charlie is our new ride to school. Every. Morning. Oh goody. 
   They arrive exactly at seven fifteen, forty five minutes before school starts so we can “hang” out with everyone else. In another time, Mandy and I would barely arrive at school on time and make into our classes before the bell rang. Now, we are hanging out with people who we have had no affiliation with in the last three years of school.  
   It’s a small miracle that Kevin is not in the car, but drove his own. After the whole ice cream day, my hormones around him had been on overdrive. The logical part of my brain would shut down in his presence, and instead my body craved his touch. The whisper of his lips against my own, hands roughened caressing my back inch by inch until they lower to my two little back dimples, then they would move forward and start with my 
   “Hey, you are quiet back there Willow.” Charlie glances in the backseat through the rearview mirror. “Nervous about the first day of school?” He continues.  
   No, I am just having a hot and bothered fantasy with your best friend that has some kind of pre-notion hatred against me. 
   “Ha! Willow isn’t nervous. She lives for school.” If I didn’t know any better, there seemed to be a bit of underlined loathing in Mandy’s words. We still hadn’t approached the Charlie topic since the pool party. Sure, we hung out a lot in the last week, but always with Charlie and Kevin. Always. 
   “Babe...She’s just a smart girl.”  
   “Right.” Again, with the sarcastic hostility. 
   “No, I am just a loser who spends all her time doing her homework and studying. Right, Mandy?” 
   She remains silent. The tension in the air thickens. Charlie fidgets, glancing between my best friend and I, trying to gauge the situation.  
   We arrive at school in silence. I am the first to hop out of the car only to land next to Kevin’s white Tundra and Clarissa. I bite my lip in attempt to keep the groan in. Clarissa only offers a brief glance in my direction before turning her attention back to Kevin, who leans against his truck like some sort of male goddess. Why hadn’t I noticed before how much his aura of authority really does affect the female population?  
   When I look back into the car, Mandy sits with her arms across her chest and Charlie speaking to her. He doesn’t seem to happy with her and it gives me hope that maybe he is not such a bad guy if he is sticking up for me with one her bitch fits. They come, they go. He will have to learn that sometime. But, it’s still nice for someone to stick up to her with one of her tantrums than be like me and just ignore them until she cools down.  
   “Willow.” Kevin flicks his head to come over. My feet follow on their accord. Brain shut down in process, body craving in overload. Taking a spot next to Kevin against the car, I readjust my backpack so I can lean next to him. Clarissa in short jean skirt and white tank, flips her short blond hair behind her back, only to have it fall back in perfect place. Ah,  the female flirt attempts. Good thing I suck at those, because then I would look like an idiot like her. Oh wow, since when did I really care about Clarissa and her damn hair flipping? I look at Kevin, oh yeah since him.  
   “So anyways, my parents are going to be gone this weekend...” Clarissa trails off, letting Kevin fill in the meaning himself. Not hard to figure out that Clarissa falls under one of those “fun times without a relationship” category.  
   “I’ll think about it.” Clarissa pouts, shooting a glare in my direction. 
   “Hi.” I wave awkwardly. She only offers an eye roll and literally stomps away. It’s hard to keep in a laugh, so I don’t. Kevin’s lips twitch in humor. “You know, if I have to keep saving you from unwanted attention I should deserve a reward.” Oh my God, that so came out more insinuating than anything else. Worse than Clarissa’s obvious attempt.  
   “Who says it’s unwanted?” 
   “Okay, go get em tiger!” I move my arms in a shooing motion, suddenly angry.  
   “What’s got your panties in a twist?” 
   You. “Nothing.” 
   “Right.”  
   Silence threatens us for a few more minutes until Charlie and Mandy finally climb out of the monster truck. Mandy approaches with her head down. 
   “Sorry, Willow. You know I didn’t mean it.” 
   Yes you did. “It’s alright.” 
   Suddenly feeling tired of all the snaps so early in the morning, I begin to walk away. Going to class early seems smarter than standing there brooding. 
   “Willow!” I wave with my back still turned to them. So much for barely being on time. 
     
   The first day of school, there really isn’t homework assigned. Only get to know you papers after the whole introduction to the syllabus. So boring yes, time for more thinking, definitely. Once lunch finally rolls around, I want to hop in the air doing some victory dance. After lunch one class left and then I get to go home while everyone else has two classes after that. Lucky me at being the “smart girl.” 
   Passing my locker, I throw the assigned books in there from the first four classes. Mandy’s locker is on the opposite side of the courtyard, but somehow Charlie and I are locker neighbors. Just as I slam my locker from the morning’s pent up frustration, Charlie smiles. I scream and jump in the air like some maniac.  
   “Ready for lunch?” Oh yeah. We are sitting with him and his friends now. So, not really. 
   “Sure.” I mumble. 
   Charlie turns around and I follow like a good little lap dog. Mandy meets us halfway to the cafeteria, automatically Charlie holds out his hand to her and they connect leaving me behind as the lonely, sad third wheel. Another body joins us, fortunately, it’s Luke. 
   “Heya, Willow.” 
   “Hi Luke.” Luke is one of those gangly looking kids. Tall and skinny, just waiting for that summer when all his muscle fills out his length to make him well not gangly looking.  
   “How’s the first day of school?” He is also one of those genuine always happy kids. One where you don’t know whether to snap at him, or appreciate him. I’m at the borderline right now. 
   “Eh, same as every year. Syllabus and ‘who are you’ worksheets.” Luke shakes his head. Funny now that I always knew Luke, we did have some classes together and some class projects, but we never hung out. Now Charlie is dating Mandy and I am automatically inserted into their little group by association. High school and their popularity groups. Sadly, high school will always have them and has always had them.  
   “When’s your last class?” We just approached the cafeteria doors, where Kevin and Clarissa wait. A few more of their friends do too, but I am not real familiar with their names.  
   “That’s Trina.” Luke points to a girl with long black hair, in clothing similar to Clarissa’s. She stands with her arms across her chest with a scrunched up face. When she looks over at us approaching, her eyes seem to only look for me. Doing the once over on me, the thing where girls look up and down your outfit deciding whether your are worthy or not, she turns back to Clarissa whispering. They both find their heads towards my directions giggling. “Don’t mind her. She is Clarissa’s right hand man.” 
   “Why didn’t I see her at the pool party?” 
   “She was out of town. Those two guys next to Kevin are Lucky and Herman. Lucky’s real name is Lucky, but Herman goes by his last name. Don’t ever say his first name, he hates it. Other than that, they are two pretty laid back guys. If you ever need some back up, they will be behind you no matter what.” 
   “I don’t even know them.” 
   “Yeah, but Kevin and Charlie cleared you.” 
   “Cleared me?” I ask, obviously offended. Luke takes a step back at my humiliation, which he mistakes for horror. 
   “Don’t worry. Some people try to get in our group to use the guys. We all hang out together, because honestly we all come from wealth.”  
   “Why are you telling me this, Luke?” 
   He shrugs. “You don’t seem the type to care about labels, but people, mainly Clarissa and Trina, will give you a hard time. If they do, ask one of us and we can shut them up immediately.” 
   Oh God. This is not looking too fun.  
   Mandy comes from upper middle class too, which makes sense why they aren’t giving her a hard time. Other than me, they all really are wealthy and most everyone here, whether they know by name or personally, know about my family problems. They also know, Grandma and I don’t qualify under the wealthy department. Don’t get me wrong, Grandma gives me anything I want or need, but nothing is ever extravagant. I have never really minded it, and I refuse to now just because two girls think I am lower class than them. 
   “Hey guys.” Luke proceeds to do the male handshake, which is a hand bump, hug, slap on the back thing. Weird.  
   “Lucky, Herman, this is Willow.” Kevin introduces us. Still unsure, I only give a small wave. Lucky isn’t having any of that. Throwing an arm over my shoulder, he pulls me close. 
   “We do hugs.” He exclaims. Lucky has the sandy blonde, dark brown eyes thing going on. Automatically he is the goofy one, where Herman is all muscle. Born to be a linebacker type of muscle. When he hugs me, it’s like hugging a giant teddy bear. “Don’t mistake Herman for a rough and tough guy, he’s actually really soft inside.”  
   Lucky’s joke eases the tension in my shoulders. I notice the two take each of my side as we walk into the cafeteria, effectively blocking Trina and Clarissa. Luke was right, they would protect me, no questions asked. I wonder who gave them the warning. Luke or Kevin? 
   “So what are we having today big guy? Salad?”  
   “Cheese burgers.” Herman’s voice is deep, but when he sends me a wink I know that he really is a softy. I guess I was so used to just Mandy and I, that it never made sense to make more friends. Now in this situation, I am glad for her and Charlie getting together. Well minus the female part of the group. These guys seem really cool and protective over me.  
   And we just met.  
   I don’t know if that qualifies me as shallow. Things just happened and friends didn’t make sense at the time. Then again, this group would have never given me a second thought if it weren’t for Charlie and Kevin. 
   
   
   
   A Ride Home 
   Lunch was funny and full of laughter. It seems as though Lucky doesn’t just crack jokes on Herman. He even did a few at my expense. It was easy to see how nobody took offense to his words. It was all in the name of fun and nothing was ever serious. Except for Kevin, of course. Sure he would crack a smile here and there, but he never laughed. Like ever. Even when the moment called for it. I found myself laughing so hard a few times that tears came to my eyes and my stomach started hurting.  
   When I didn’t understand a joke, Luke would whisper in my ear what it was really meant to be. Herman was the silent type, but at least he laughed. It was straining, but I kept my eyes off Trina and Clarissa. Mandy and I really didn’t talk either, which I think Charlie could still sense the tension between us. When he would try and lure me into a conversation, Mandy would say something to gain his attention right back. It was obvious that she thought I was trying to take Charlie’s attention away from her. She had never acted like this before with a guy or me, so this was all new territory. I brushed it off with a shrug whenever Charlie would look at me with apologetic eyes.  
   As the bell rang ending lunch, we all stood up. 
   “Which class do you have brainiac?” Lucky again. I smile anyways, he means no harm with his words. 
   “Physics.” 
   “No way! Me too. Lead the way.” Lucky bows. 
   “Now who’s the brainiac?” 
   “Still you, my dear.” Lucky turns around looking for someone.  
   “Yo Kevin, smarty pants over here has class with us. Let’s go cheat off her.” 
   See what I mean? Never a serious moment with Lucky, which is a nice break for once. Kevin breaks apart from a whispering moment with Charlie and heads over to our direction. Lucky throws an arm over my shoulder. He seems to have no understanding of the word boundaries, but then again nothing is ever serious with him. So no harm, no foul. 
   When the three of us are ready we head towards the direction of the math and science building. What I really want to know is what Charlie and Kevin were discussing back there. I bide my time, knowing so early on that Lucky will most likely take up the room for talking.  
   As we continue walking, Kevin shoots a glare at Lucky and almost instantly his arm drops from my shoulder. If I were any other girl, my mind would be racing with what that means and over thinking just about everything. But I am not.  
   I slap Kevin behind his head. “Be nice.” Lucky stops walking, his mouth completing a perfect circle. 
   “Willow..” Kevin growls. We’ve been through this before. Turning around, I start walking backwards.  
   “You guys coming or what?” I turn around again not waiting to see if they join me. Lucky’s laughter permeates the halls. 
   “Dude, you got a strong willed one there.” I hear a slap on the back and Kevin say something along the lines that he is going to kick my ass. In your dreams buddy, in your dreams.  
   Class has assigned seating. Lucky’s name tag is stuck on a desk in the very front. He tries grabbing it, but the teacher catches him. Looking defeated he sits down with sad sigh. I couldn’t help but laugh, that is until the teacher shot me a glare leaving me scrambling trying to find my name.  
   
   Willow Hart 
   
   On a folded white notecard in the back lays my card. Guess who’s name is next to mine?  
   
   Kevin Gardley 
   
   Why do teachers insist on boy, girl classroom seating arrangements? 
   The bell rings and already on the teacher’s bad side I jump into my seat as Kevin leisurely sits in his. Leaning back, he crosses his arms behind his head like he is ready to take a nap. This is one of the first times he has ever seemed at ease. Usually straight backed and sitting properly, Kevin acts like a tight ass. Now in his element, it seems that he can relax for once. This demeanor is dangerous. It makes him seem available and touchable. So easy for me to slide my finger down the contours of his face, mesmerizing my touch to his skin. My fingers twitch and in response I grip the table turning my fingers white.  
   “Willow, you are staring.” I don’t feel embarrassed at all, surprisingly.  
   “Yeah well, you seem so content for once. I want this in my memory so I know you aren’t always a hard headed jerk.” 
   “Class!” The teacher’s voice booms, effectively shutting everyone up. My gaze snaps to him and for the next forty-five minutes that’s where it stays.  
   The bell rings, signaling the end of the day for me. It brings a grand smile to my face seeing most of the senior students walking towards their next class. Lucky waits for  us outside the door. 
   “Man, I think I fell asleep.” 
   “Yeah, the dried drool on your lips thinks so too.” 
   “Checking out my kissable lips, brainiac?” Lucky puckers his lips only for me to send a light slap on them. 
   “My hand was itching for some contact.” 
   He laughs. Once Kevin has joined us we begin walking again. 
   “What do you have now?” 
   “Home. That’s my last class.” I shoot a thumb over my shoulder. Lucky nods, then salutes Kevin and I. 
   “Go to go. Don’t kill each other.” And he’s off.His sandy blonde hair bounces with every step, every once in awhile through the prong of bodies he finds a hand and slaps it. Man, he has so much energy.  
   “Want a ride home? I am done for the day too.” My feet stop working at that moment. Kevin offering a ride home without being drunk? Kevin being nice to me? My hand reaches out to his forehead. “What are you doing Willow?” 
   “Seeing if you have a fever. Follow my finger.” When I use my index finger to swipe back in forth in front of his eyes, his lips turn down and his eyes remain on mine.  
   “Do you want a ride home or not?” Oh yeah, there’s the snappy Kevin I know. 
   “Sure.” Pushing me forward towards the parking lot, Kevin stays behind me the whole time. His fingers dig into my shoulder, which would have been really nice if they were moving and massaging. The closer we got to his car, the deeper they dig in. Usually, when I fantasize about our touching, it doesn’t involve pain. “Kevin you are hurting me.” I try wiggling, but come on he is stronger than I am. 
   “Just keep walking.” Once the bodies clear out, and we are out the front doors, Kevin pushes me harder. The urgency in his steps increases my own panic.  
   “Kevin-” 
   “Willow. Shut up. Please.” He adds more sincerely. Even though his touch hasn’t loosened one bit, and there will be bruises tomorrow, somehow it doesn’t frighten me. At first it did, but now it feels almost like protection. Just how Lucky and Herman were at lunch. So if Kevin feels the need to protect me, then I wonder just from who? My mother? Trina or Clarissa?  
   Walking over a pouch of grass cuts some time off instead walking the cemented path. His car is now only a few feet away.  
   “Kevin! Wait up!”  
   Clarissa.  
   I think this time we both let our groans be heard. Kevin pushes his keys into my hands, “Go to the car.” He whispers in my ear. Like hell, I am. I want to watch what happens. Shooting me a ‘you will pay later for this’ look, he says nothing else turning around. 
   Clarissa saunters up. With no preamble, she slides her fingers down his chest. I can just see her imagining him naked, hey I have before. Yeah, okay. I am no better than her. Well, I am because I am not so obvious. Right? Right.  
   “So have you given anymore thought about Saturday?” 
   “I can’t this Saturday.” No sorry, nothing. 
   “Why?” She pouts. Enter me. 
   “Sorry we’ve got plans with Charlie and Mandy this weekend. All weekend.” I don’t grab for Kevin or rub up next to him. I stand my ground from where I am at, trying to show her there is no love or sex interests between Kevin and I. My fluttering stomach says otherwise when Kevin agrees.  
   “Come on.” She purrs like a cat. “You can always hang out with your friends afterwards.” 
   “No.” Kevin pushes Clarissa off and heads towards the car, snatching the keys out of my hand. Clarissa’s mature response is to bare her teeth at me.  
   “You should trying choosing friends over sex sometime. Obviously you aren’t getting the release of endorphins you so need. Laughing more might help.” i smile sweetly before walking away. 
   “You bitch.” She mutters. I wave with my hand behind my back for the second time that day. This time, it feels much more exhilarating.  
   
   
   
   Necessary Distraction 
   The rest of the school week goes off much of the same. After the ride home on Monday, in which Kevin sternly told me, “I can take care of myself,” and I responded with, “Yeah, sure seemed like it,” we’ve been at each other’s throats.  
   I slap him in the back of the head and he growls and gives me threats. Lucky finds it all amusing, creating ways to set us off. Herman and Lucky both sit on each side of me at lunch still, now acting even more protective as Trina and Clarissa don’t try and hide the whispers to each other while staring at me. Or the laughing in my face or even the snide little comments here and there.  
   Mandy hasn’t stood up for me, nor has she joined their little posse. She remains silent, in her little Charlie bubble. Charlie is the one who usually says to knock it off or cut it out. Because of that, my appreciation for Charlie seems to have grown. He isn’t such a bad guy after all. Kevin sits spine straight, but doesn’t come to my defense either. Jerk.  
   Even with all of this going on, he is still insistent on giving me a ride home from school everyday. Which, in all honesty, I am superbly grateful for. Nothing beats walking in the heat like sitting with someone in a nice air conditioned car with electricity zipping around molded from constant bickering.  
   Grandma is suspicious. Not about Kevin dropping me off, no she still insists that he is a good boy, but about Mandy not coming around as often. I still stick to my school habits of going straight home and doing homework with a bit of studying the next chapters. At night fall is when Mandy would deem safe from my brainiac moments to come over and chat, but she hasn’t. She won’t even call or text me. Which I guess goes both ways, though she is the one acting paranoid and like a jealous feline. I now understand the concept of women not liking women because they understand how each other thinks. Sometimes, it just grows to be annoying and worrisome. I still consider Mandy my best friend, but I don’t know if she feels the same way. That hurts, more than I will admit out loud.  
   Friday comes and it’s a different day. Fed up with Clarissa and Trina’s constant blabbering I tell them to shut it at lunch. Trina more or less looked taken aback from my outburst, Clarissa, the sneaky girl she is, now knows she is getting to me. Even more shocking, Kevin stands up for me this time.  
   “You guys have something to say about Willow, fucking say it. If not, shut up already.” 
   Clarissa turned beet red, especially when Lucky and I used each others shoulders to hide our laughter. Our shaking stomachs were dead give aways.  
   In physics, I woman up and tell Kevin thanks for sticking up for me. He doesn’t seemed too pleased with my thanks, but it’s all I can give. Maybe he is upset that I am setting up walls between the group. Charlie, Lucky, Herman, Luke (when he is present) and I against Clarissa and Trina with Kevin and Mandy playing Switzerland.  
   Class ends, we walk to his car in silence. Once the AC is on and I can feel the coolness reaching every pour, it seems as the appropriate time to ask him. 
   “Kevin, do you feel I am disrupting your group mojo?” 
   “My what?” 
   His glasses shade his eyes, which are usually the hints to his emotional states. 
   “You know, you were all a tight knit group and the comes along the poor girl with no parents, disrupting that natural setting of your group.” 
   This is the first time I have ever voiced the white ghost in the room. My parents.  
   “Willow..” Kevin sighs. “Your home life has nothing to do with what’s going  on there. Besides there was no group mojo. We let Clarissa and Trina hang out with us because usually they don’t bring drama.” 
   “Until now. Until I entered the picture.” Looking out the window, I feel like a burden everywhere I go. Hey grandma, mom ditched me, so here I am to live with you. Hey Mandy, I have no friends, be my friend? Hey Kevin, Luke, Herman and Charlie accept me as a third wheel into your group please? Most of all, my mother. Except, she was the one brazen enough to actually up and leave. To be the one and say with more actions than words, that I was truly a burden to her.  
   Before I know it, tears are dripping down my face. Quickly they are wiped away. If Kevin notices, he doesn’t say anything. Which sends a slight tingle of appreciation his way.  
   The car stops at the curb of Grandma’s house. Hopping out Kevin calls out my name.  
   “What?” I can’t make eye contact with him, instead looking at his center console. My voice is full of hurt and pain, raspy with unshed tears. 
   “Come over tonight.” My eyes snap to his, which are still covered. For some reason, I feel angry. Angry at him for even suggesting what he is, even though a shiver of anticipation disagrees with that. He sits, waiting and waiting some more. Anger and wanting both fifty fifty fighting each other to see who wins.  I don’t do relationships, Willow. That doesn’t mean I don’t have my fun either.  
   “Call Clarissa for your fun.” I slam the door stomping in the house.  
   “Honey, I have some lemonade over here for you.” 
   Oh good lord, what now? Throwing my backpack on the ground, I sneeze before following grandma’s voice. Sitting at the small kitchen table, rather than the large wooden one just outside the kitchen, two glasses of lemonade stand on coasters. One half empty, the other completely full. My stomach drops to my toes, dread and fear all at once have me breaking out in a full sweat of terror. Lemonade, two glasses, one already somewhat gone. Something bad has happened, and I have no idea what it could be. 
   “Take a seat, Willow.” Everyday her voice sounds more tired and tired. It kicks the old worry in me that I am losing time with her, leaving me alone in this world. I take a seat next to the full cup of lemonade. 
   “Spit it out, grandma.” Usually she would reprimand my harsh tone, she only shakes her head. 
   “It’s hard Willow, to tell you what I have to.” 
   I swallow a thick lump of nothing into my deserted throat.  
   “What is it?” 
   “I want no reaction or outburst and no interrupting until I have finished, do you understand?” I can only nod, because undeniably I want to know and secondly, she will stick through with her unspoken threat. “Your mother called today.” An emptiness fills my stomach. If she had my grandmother’s cell number, she definitely could have mine. Yet, she didn’t call me directly. I am still a burden to her, even after four years of freedom. “This isn’t the first time she has called me to check up on you Willow, I want you to know that. It is, however, the first time she has acted in her real selfish form. As of last month Willow, your mother signed over her guardianship to me. I know, it seems a little late to do this considering your eighteenth birthday is just two months away, but it has been done. She called today, to let me know it has been finalized.” This time, I let out the tears willingly. A range of emotions overwhelm me, sadness, hate, fury, but also happiness and relief. At least one person in this world wants me around, and I have to be grateful for that, no matter the meaning of how we got here in the first place.  
   “How you feeling, sweetheart?” 
   “Honestly, all over the place. Today has been...a really emotional day for me.” 
   “Something happen at school?” 
   Yes. “No.” Grandma takes a seat, pulling me into a hug where I let out all of my years of frustration and tears caused by the person who gave me birth into this world. “Grandma, are you sure you are okay with this?” Grandma pulls me back in pure fierceness.  
   “Willow Alexandria Hart, how dare you think so little of yourself. Not only are you my blood, you are my last connection to my son and therefore to me. Don’t you ever think that you do not belong in my home with me. Ya understand?” 
   “Okay.” But it’s not, not really.  
   After most of the tears subsided, I grabbed my glass of lemonade taking it to my room. Grandma has knitting club tonight, in which I insisted she still attend. My mother has wreaked enough havoc into our lives, no reason to let her miss this day that my grandmother loves.  
   The door shuts softly a few hours later, where I have remained in my bed staring at my far empty wall. The pain is still there, so are the water works. It really begins to piss me off. Why should I care when my mother so obviously doesn’t? Why do I even feel so much pain with just the thought of her? That’s the problem, feeling. I don’t want to feel the bad pain anymore. I want the good kind. I want Kevin. 
   Running out of my room, grabbing my backpack and then discarding it again once I’ve reached the item I have been looking for, I start pacing. No thinking Willow, just do it. And I do. 
   Is the offer still on the table for tonight?  
   I wait a few minutes for a return text. My nerves kick until my phone vibrates. 
   Are you sure? 
   Yes. 
   Amazingly, I had no hesitation with that last text. My phone starts singing and I throw it caught off guard. I catch it before hitting the ground and answer. 
   “Willow.” No hello. “Are you sure?” His breathing is hitched, and no matter our everyday fights, I know he wants me just as much as I want him. 
   “Yes.”  
   “You know my rules, no relationships.” 
   “I don’t want one, either Kevin. I just need to forget, will you give me that?” Unsure about how much of it is a lie of not wanting a relationship and how much is true, I go with it. He did warn me, and that’s all there is to it. If I fall for Kevin, God help me if I do, than that will be my problem to deal with. Right now, I just need him and his body. 
   “I’m leaving right now.”  
   I stare at the phone in shock for a full sixty seconds. My mind kicks into gear and I run towards the shower to clean up. Kevin is coming to get me to help me forget. I need this, but I also crave him like nothing before. My body hums with excitement. No fear, no terror, no worry. All bad things exit. This has to be my best idea yet. 
   **** 
   “Do you want anything to eat or drink?” 
   Only you. “Some water.” 
   This is not how I planned the night would go. The anticipation in the car was near unbearable. Both of us stayed quiet, but the adrenaline rush pounded through me. Kevin stayed still as a statue, driving in the quiet night. Humidity permeated the night air. The only break from sweating was the air conditioner in both his car and his ginormous house. Now here we sit, in the den where he flipped out the first time and broke a glass cup. Where everything first started, that was only two weeks ago. Time flies and yet I felt I knew nothing about him other than the fact that grandma has no problem with me hanging out with him. That she trusts him for some reason and believes he can help me. Well, he can. Just not in the way she wants. Instead all this buying time is making me lose confidence. The lost of confidence will make me back out, and then I will go home and cry. Yeah, not going to happen. 
   When Kevin brings over the water bottle and nothing else, I take it and throw it across the room. It lands softly against the leather couch. Not really the effect I was going for, but it will do. He arches his eyebrow in response.  
   “Kevin.” 
   “Willow.” 
   “Stop stalling.” 
   Strong arms pull me from the seat. The next thing I know, my legs wrap around his waist in a tight fit, keeping him close to me. Eye to eye, my breathing comes out in quick sporadic movements. His lips barely graze mine, not a full kiss, not even a peck. Just a graze. It sends my body into haywire, sending off electric shocks in between my thighs pulling our bodies closer.  
   “I.” A quick peck. “Am.” Another. “Not.” This one just a second longer. “Stalling.” Our lips collide, my eyes close and my hands find his short hair pulling his head closer to mine. Inching back just a little, his tongue swipes across my upper lip asking for entrance. I give it to him. Our tongues mesh in some sort of dance, a moan slips out so feral it took more kissing to realize I kept making those noises. He wasn’t quiet either. I feel movement underneath. Kevin walks us up the stairs, but we never break contact. I feel myself soaking underneath my jeans unto my lacy booty shorts. Playing with myself doesn’t measure to this amount of want and need. Just his kissing has me aching for more. A door shuts and locks, my back is pushed against a wall.  
   One of his hands grip my bottom, squeezing it. The other softly caresses my chin, in a firm but gentle squeeze he moves my face away from his. Slowly trailing kisses along side my jaw, he pulls me closer. The bulge in his pants calls out my name. I grind my pelvis along his erection, groaning the whole time. Kevin’s teeth find my ear and nibble with enough pressure to make me cry out.  
   Next thing I know we are on the bed with Kevin on top of me. My legs are still wrapped around him as he slides a hand inside my shirt, his other hand joins and soon I’m in only a bra and jeans. I lost my sandals somewhere along the journey to his bedroom. There’s some movement on the bed before a click and light illuminating the room. Kevin crawls back on top, with a leg on each side of my hip bones eating up my body in his gaze. Those hazel eyes sparkle, trailing up and down in slow, unhurried fashion.  
   “Willow...” There’s uncertainty in there, almost like he knows. It is Kevin though, and he is a watcher. Unknowing to other people, Kevin stays quiet but sees everything around us. Just his conversations prove it. No one else caught on or doesn’t care, but he knows. 
   “How do you know?” 
   “I just know.”  
   Not wanting any other ways to defect me, my arms move from my sides and slither up Kevin’s stomach. Inch by inch his shirt creeps up as my fingers glide along his abs. Our eyes never break from each other. Only when the shirt is pulled over his head we lose contact. Once his gaze penetrates my own again, do I speak. 
   “I’m sure, Kevin.” 
   Quickly our mouths are dancing again and in one quick movement my bra is snapped and off. His tongue and lips break away once more, slithering down my neck to the crevice between my breasts. Watching him dance around sends thrills all along my body, my harsh breathing has returned, but disappears underneath Kevin’s body. Still his mouth lowers until it has reached the button of my jeans. Kevin looks up asking for permission, I shake my head yes. Once the jeans are unsnapped and pulled down, Kevin follows suit for his own state of undress. Now with both of us naked, Kevin crawls up, one hand staying turning circles on my spot, another tangled up in my hair as we once again begin kissing. A tension builds up inside, so good, so much better than anything I have ever done to myself.  
   “It’s going to hurt. I am going to make it quick to hurt less, okay?” 
   My response is bunch of blubbering incoherent words. A drawer slams, a packet is ripped and Kevin replaces his hand with something much larger. I swallow, hoping it doesn’t hurt too much. When my eyes lock with his, he pushes in. There’s a slight pop that goes unheard underneath my screams. The pain shoots out every orifice of my body, but I want to continue. Kevin reenters slowly and deeper this time, I let out another scream, but this time of ecstasy. The pace continues until the pounding inside is asking for more, causing me to scream at Kevin, “faster” and “harder.” Our bodies intermingle with sweat. The tension builds up, even larger this time. It asks for release, begging for it. I squeeze my pelvic bone creating more and more, getting me closer and closer. My legs are still wrapped around Kevin when I pull his face down to mine. Just as our mouths close together, it hits and his mouth catches my scream of release. Kevin follows two pumps later as the aftershocks send me into another downward spiral.  
   It takes a few minutes to calm down our breathing. Kevin still lays with his head between my shoulder and my neck. Giving a gentle bite, he pulls up and out. When he does, my eyes go wide. Blood. Not a lot, but not a small amount either. 
   “It’s alright. Happens when you get cherry popped.” Kevin laughs while winking. I grab the pillow behind my head aiming it towards his face. This is the Kevin I know. The one who purposely pisses me off. “Come on, let’s take a shower.” 
   Showering sore in hot steam helps with the aches. I didn’t realize how many muscles are used during sex. No wonder people say sexercise is the best work out. Kevin showered with me. When it came to cleaning the blood off, he saw my hesitation, taking the body wash out of my hands and lathering his own. As the soap bubbles and his fingers made contact causing my whole body to flinch, Kevin sent a flutter of kisses along my stomach as he massaged the area. Soon afterwards it no longer hurt and I was moaning from the touch. After that we both scrambled out of the shower like hell on our heels only to make it to the carpeted floor. This time, I was on top. 
   
   
   
   For Two Days 
   Somehow we both fell asleep on the floor after the fourth time, I think. Honestly, after the second time counting how many times Kevin was able to get it back up and in me was miraculous. We just kept going and going, and now the soreness has doubled, but it was worth it. So worth it.  
   My eyes flicker open with a small smile played across my face. Kevin has an arm behind his head and another draped across my stomach. His lips are slighted parted, but no noise comes out. Without a guarded face, his sleeping seems so calming. Just what is Kevin Gardley hiding?  
   Taking in the room, since there was a major distraction before, Kevin leaves everything bare. No momentums or pictures scatter or are placed in frames anywhere. Just random pieces of clothing here and there, mostly ours from tonight. Black bed sheets and a comforter take precedent in the room. A futon sits on the far wall, and a desk lap against the bed are the only furniture. There’s another door by the futon, which only can be a closet since there isn’t a dresser in here. It’s like he doesn’t even stay here, only to sleep. There isn’t even a television like most guys his age would have. One particular item stands out with blinking red lights. It sits on the bedside table reading to the world that it is well past one in the morning. 
   “Shitttt!” I screech. Kevin jumps up from his sleep, looking around the room sleepily as I gather my clothes. The only item thus far found has been my bra. I laugh thinking if I went home only wearing that. Yeah, grandma wouldn’t hold such high hopes for Kevin after that. 
   “What are you doing?” 
   “Running a marathon. What does it look like?” 
   “Ugh, Willow.” 
   “Kevin, it is almost two in the morning. My grandma will flip if she sees me coming in.” 
   Finally he gets up, help me in gathering clothes. He doesn’t put his own back on and instead just puts on basketball shorts with no shirt. Of course he catches me staring at him with only a bra on. I’m quickly snatched up and thrown on top of the bed. 
   “What’s another thirty minutes?” He asks. I can’t find it in myself to argue.  
   We repeat the same scrambling process after we catch our breaths. My underwear go in my pocket because honestly putting them back on would be disgusting. The only items left to be found are my cell phone and shoes. We find one sandal on one of the steps and another in the hallway to the den. My cell phone, thank goodness, wasn’t really lost. Just sitting on the black leather couch. I remember texting grandma I was at Kevin’s. When I look at my phone, there’s only a text saying have fun. Yes, my grandmother can text. Which is cool, most of the time. 
   After Kevin pulls out of his driveway, still only clad in shorts and sandals, I flip down the visor. With wide eyes I stare at my crazy sex hair and swollen lips. Note to self: If and when this happens again, bring a brush and some chap-stick. Those words catch me off guard. Will this happen again? Kevin doesn’t seem like the type for repeat offenders. Don’t think about it Willow, that’s what this was all about. In the end, I know sometime this week it will haunt me in my thinking process. One day I will wonder and keep wondering until I get my answer.  
   Not halfway home Kevin speaks. 
   “What happened?” It’s hard to say what the right answer to that question would be, since there are plenty of what happened moments tonight, but what Kevin is really asking is why I changed my mind. Taking his eyes off the road, he glances in my direction. Call me crazy, but something about his current demeanor says he will understand anything I have to say. Or maybe grandma is just getting into my head. Either way, I answer. 
   “My mom gave my grandmother full guardianship.” 
   I was right. His eyes don’t hold the pity look everyone else has, they just accept it for face value.  
   “Your mother is a bitch.” So much venom in those words, yet they ring true. It’s nothing I could ever say, but Kevin isn’t me and he just did. 
   “Yeah.” I let out a bitter laugh. The one thing I was trying to forget earlier plagues my thoughts. Why, why and why?  
   Kevin parks a few houses down so his loud machine doesn’t wake my grandmother up. He offers to walk me but I point out his state of undress and the rumor mill if anyone sees him walking me home like that. Let’s not try to make this obvious, shall we? 
   “Willow.” Kevin catches my arm as I exit. I look up with questioning eyes. “Tomorrow?”  
   Biting my lower lip to hide the smile, I say, “Yeah, I think I can pencil you in.” 
   **** 
   She is trying to kill me. Really, she is. Grandma isn’t even allowed to legally drive anymore, and here she is riding cars asses because they are driving to slow. We are going fifteen over the speed limit.  
   So, why are we driving around in the next town? Grandma had to get her planting soil from the nursery over here because the nursery in our town isn’t good enough.  
   “Did you have fun last night?” 
   Luck was on my side last night, grandma had been snoozing away when I came home. I was even able to sneak in a late night shower. Going to bed full of sex and sweat may sound steamy, if I was going to bed with Kevin. But, I was in my own bed, which has been sex free for seventeen years. No need to taint it.  
   “Yeah, we just watched movies.” 
   “Did it help take your mind off things?” She asks with more concern. Oh did it. 
   “Yeah, I really didn’t think about it.” At all.  
   “Good, I am glad. See, Kevin is a good boy. Ya just gotta give him a chance.” Grandma pats my leg. “Come on! Move faster, the day is a wasting.”  
   Yeah, I am hoping I live to see tonight.  
   We make it back three hours later, alive and unharmed. Pulling the old cadillac into the driveway, grandma hops out, and when I mean hop it is a literal translation so she can reach for her walker.  
   “Get the bags will ya, honey?” 
   I blow out a deep breath. They are bags alright. Three twenty pound bags full of soil and organic plant feed.  
   Just as I reach the trunk, and pry it open with a screwdriver (don’t ask), someone calls out my name. Someone, named Kevin. My smiles almost drops when I see he isn’t alone, but with Charlie. So much for just the two of us tonight.  
   The two approach from Charlie’s truck as I plaster on a fake smile.  
   Really I do try hard and focus on both their presences approaching, but Kevin is just so...there, taking up all the space in my mind. With his confident, shut off from the world walk, the way his v-neck shirt shows his lean abdomen but is tight on the muscular arms. He doesn’t adorn glasses today, which makes it much harder to shut off my screaming libido as his eyes eat mine up. Desire is written all over them and just knowing I do that to him even after all the times last night, is yelling at me to jump his bones here and now. Instead, I grip the trunk as tight as possible to keep my hands to myself.  
   “What are you doing?” Charlie reaches me first. Kevin sends a secretive smile my way. In response, need pools between my legs.  
   I have to clear my throat a few times to answer. Kevin covers up his laugh with a fake cough. “Um, getting these bags to the garden.” My shaky hands make it hard to point the exact direction, so I lean on my head nodding skills instead.  
   “We’ll help.” Moving out of the way, Charlie reaches in first with Kevin just behind. They each grab a bag leaving one for me. When I reach in a hand tickles across the back of my thigh. My eyes snap wide. Turning around quickly, Kevin is already only one step behind Charlie towards the side of the house. That was definitely not my imagination. Or was it? Nope, I felt it. Oh did I. 
   Grandma is directing the boys where to put the bags when I finally approach huffing and puffing. Charlie takes sympathy on me and takes the bag out of my arms.  
   “Honey, you okay? You been walking a bit stiff today.” 
   Oh God. The blood drains out of my face for a good minute before my mind plays catch up, yelling to come up with an excuse. 
   “Yeah, I think I might have slept wrong. My back is killing me.” 
   “Alright. Go grab some lemonade and some aspirin.”  
   When Charlie enters grandma in a conversation, I look to Kevin expecting him to be laughing. His face says otherwise. It’s blank, but there’s a small emotion playing on it. Close to concern, I think. Without being able to tell him I am fine in words, I wink hoping he gets the point. Obviously, I am sore today, but nothing my body cannot handle. Besides, desire will win out either way.  
   After the lemonade and pills a shower calls my name. Once that is done and in clean clothes, I approach the kitchen as an older, raspy voice echoes. 
   “She looks to be getting more muscular. Do you know if Willow is working out Charlie?” 
   “I don’t think so ma’am.” My pace quickens after that.  
   Grandma sits on the wooden table, with Kevin and Charlie on each side.  
   “You guys ready?”  
   “Go on you three. Have some fun.” She shoos us out the door, waving until we get into the car. 
   Charlie drives up to Kevin’s home, without Mandy being present. Something about this situation is off. It gets answered when Kevin and I climb out, but Charlie stays yelling out a thanks before driving off.  
   “Okay, what was that?” Kevin continues walking up the stairs into his house, leaving no choice but to follow. 
   “Mandy’s parents have date night. They needed an excuse and cover up story.” Kevin shrugs like he is doing his friend a favor. 
   “Ah, and does he know you are screwing his girlfriends best friend?” 
   I shut the door, only to be scooped and pressed with my back against it. Pulling his mouth towards mine we do our rounds of kissing, moaning and hardly breathing.  
   “Food now or later?” He asks in between pecks. 
   “Definitely later.”  
   With his question answered, no more talking is necessary.  
     
   
   
   
   Female Lingo 
   Monday rolls around. With Mandy and I still on the outs I didn’t expect Charlie to still be picking me up, but there he was bright and early in the morning. Morning classes were boring except for the pop quiz in history. Yesterday had been study day. Kevin, no matter the convincing techniques, was not able to persuade me to hang out. Mostly, I did study, but at some points my mind would wander and think about who he chose for Sunday’s conquest. Was it Clarissa? Internally, I was kicking myself for even conjuring up those thoughts in the first place. The studying did help with acing the quiz, though.  
   At lunch Lucky approaches more giddy than normal, throwing his arm over my shoulder as per usual, he cannot keep the happy glow from his face. Finally, I give in. 
   “Okay, who is she and when can I meet her?”  
   “Friday. Party at my house.”  
   “Okay, I was kidding, but who is the girl? 
   We take a seat at the lunch table. I can’t help but wonder if Clarissa and Trina will keep their comments to themselves today. Especially if Kevin was with her yesterday. No matter how many times I tell myself to stop thinking like that, it’s the truth of the matter. Kevin and I hooked up for the weekend. He never made any promises of more days and not to hookup with other girls. Therefore, I would rather not play ignorant to the situation and be told the truth upfront. That’s assuming if Kevin would tell me. 
   “Hello. Anyone home?” Lucky taps my forehead. I swipe his hand away giggling,  
   “Sorry, moment of brain relapse. Continue.” 
   “There is no girl. Just a party at my house Friday.” 
   “Okay.” I bite into my sandwich. Lucky and Luke look at me like I’ve got two heads. “What?” 
   “In female lingo, okay has many different meanings.” Luke explains.  
   This causes me to roll my eyes. “My okay means, okay I will be there.” 
   “Whoop, whoop!” Luke and Lucky high five, then turn to Herman to include him on their little man celebration.  
   “Awe, so cute.”  
   Tingles spread down my spine, my Kevin radar is going off, notifying me he is nearby. Looking down to avoid looking around is the best solution. It works until he takes a seat, right next to Clarissa. What’s worse is the way she inches closer to him, whispering in his hear. Dread spreads, making me nauseous.  
   “So, last night was fun.” She definitely didn’t try to keep that a whisper. It’s like the whole table freezes at her words. Avoiding their direction altogether, I look up from discarded sandwich to find Charlie scrunching his eyebrows in my direction. He looks at Kevin, then back at me, no longer scrunching them but raising them in question. My mouth pops open just enough, to where realization hits. Charlie knows about us. He knows and he is not happy that Clarissa and Kevin are still hooking up too. Oh man. 
   “Are you going to eat that?” Lucky points to the peanut butter and jelly sandwich missing one bite. 
   “Go at it.” 
   “So are you going for sure on Friday, Willow?” Mandy asks. I look up at Charlie trying to decide whether or not he told her. As he flicks his head to the left, it calms me down a bit. Yelling at Mandy for dating a guy who slept around and then going and being one of those girls with his best friend, is way more than hypocritical. It would be like pointing my own “I told you so” back at my face. “Willow?” She tries again. 
   “Damn girl. You are all spaced out today.” I try laughing it off to convince them there is nothing wrong. 
   “Scatter brains, what can I do? And to answer your question, yes.” 
   “Cool, want to get ready together? Maybe we can find you a hot date for the Halloween Dance.”  
   “Uh yeah. Sounds good.” 
   “Psh, like she can get a hot date.” 
   That girl, really that girl. Trying to be the bigger person, I stay quiet this time not even bothering to look in that direction but keeping my focus on Mandy. The comebacks to Clarissa before were because of her unidentified bitchiness to me, now I know if I snap it will be because of Kevin. Who, honestly, probably isn’t worth it. Tell that to the pain below, though.  
   I stay quiet on the ride home. It would have been too obvious if I refused a ride. This past weekend I wanted a distraction and got it, maybe that’s why he called me over on Sunday. He knew what happened. Man, why did I have to go and tell him? Mandy doesn’t even know yet.  
   “Are you really going to party on Friday?” 
   “Why doesn’t anybody believe I will go?” I growl in frustration. Seriously though, Lucky and Luke asked at least ten times during lunch if I was still going.  
   “Because you have never before.” 
   True. “I said I would go. That means yes in my book.”  
   It’s been hard, but doable not looking at Kevin all day. Even now, with only two feet separating us, my stare has been out the window with my back to him. Kevin makes a sharp u-turn, turning away from my house and back into town. 
   “Where are you going?”  
   He doesn’t answer. Inner fury wins out, forcing me to face him. A knife, dagger or bullet couldn’t unveil the mask he wears.  
   “Kevin, take me home.” 
   Still, no answer. His foot presses on the gas pedal harder, our bodies are pushed back from the force as he races through town, passed his gates only to stomp on the brakes flying me forward, in front of his house.  
   Calmly, he takes the keys out of the ignition and gets out. I watch as he swaggers in no hurry to his front door, unlocking it and leaving it open as he disappears inside.  
   Scrambling out, even more irritated before I walk through the foyer to find him sitting in the den. With legs kicked up and the remote in his hand he seems like nothing is to bother him. 
   “Are you going to stand there all day or sit down?” 
   The nerve. “I want to go home. Now.” 
   “Shouldn’t have taken the ride home then.” 
   “Whatever, Kevin.” That’s the word females use when they are done arguing and feel depleted, Luke would say. “I’ll call Charlie.” 
   Kevin is up so fast, if he were a normal person, he would have gotten dizzy. 
   “What do you want from me, Willow? You knew the rules coming into this.” What a mistake that was, I wish I could say. Being honest though, it wasn’t. Whether or not his intention was to make me feel better about my situation and myself, it did. This whole weekend did. Sad, but true. “Willow, look at me.” 
   It was no easy task removing my fake gaze at my phone to Kevin, because the fear that nothing is in his eyes scares me the most. As if in slow motion, my eyes flicker up and up until meeting his. They are empty shells of coldness.  
   “Are you going to answer me?” 
   “What do you want me to say? That everything is fucking peachy with this situation? Why did it have to be Clarissa of all people Kevin? You know that skank will throw this in my face, you know she will give me hell for this.” Still, nothing flickers in his eyes. It’s hopeless. “Look at us, we can’t even get along together. This was a mistake. This whole weekend should not have happened.” 
   Even though the words don’t ring an ounce of truth, the fear that one move and somehow we would end up sleeping together. Kevin would find that as a way of it beings okay. Which it isn’t, not with Clarissa. Not with Kevin sleeping with other girls, but especially not Clarissa. I keep reminding myself that I came into this knowing everything, it’s my own fault. Yet, part of the blame falls on Kevin. It’s a toss up if that is fair to him or not.  
   Charlie comes fifteen minutes later. The gate was left open and I didn’t want to be seen walking out of Kevin’s home from the town. More rumors about my family don’t need to be spread. He doesn’t say anything when I get in. He didn’t say anything but, “I’m on my way,” when I called for a ride. He doesn’t have to. I messed up. 
   “Don’t tell Mandy, please.” I whisper. 
   “I won’t.” Charlie takes a deep breath, offering a brief glance before turning back to the road. “You shouldn’t have gotten mixed up with him.” 
   “I know, trust me.” 
   “I don’t think you really do Willow.” He sounds so disappointed. In me or in Kevin? 
   “What are you trying to say Charlie?” 
   “Kevin is just different. We all have our issues and deal with them differently. Kevin does his dealing by never getting into relationships where people can love him. Friendships are even hard for him. Out of all of our friends, Kevin tells me the most. Which isn’t much to begin with. Willow, Kevin needs someone to fight for his love, to fight for him in general.” 
   “Well, Clarissa can have the job. He clearly goes back to her anytime he feels an itch he needs to scratch.” 
   “Did you even ask him if he did screw her?”  
   Well, not in so many words. Charlie takes my silence as a no.  
   “Charlie, it’s Kevin.” 
   “That’s my point. It is Kevin, and Kevin may say one thing, but his actions read otherwise.” 
   Those are Charlie’s parting words before stopping at my house. With nothing left to say, I mumble a confused and awkward thanks. 
   
   
   
   Take that, Charlie 
   Tuesday and Wednesday I waited for Charlie to get out of school for a ride home. During those forty five minutes, I would duck out of class early and go straight to the library. Studying is something I know how to do, dealing with boys is whole other situation.  
   Sitting next to Kevin in class always left me pent up in frustration, but also need. The boy oozes sex appeal, and I am not immune to it. In front of our friends we acted normal, we throw words at each other with underlying meanings while everyone else thinks we are just at each other’s throats as normal. I haven’t slapped him in the back of the head though. Just the thought of us touching in anyway sends shivers all over my body. How can one weekend with him become so addicting? 
   It isn’t until I get home on Wednesday that grandma notices something is off. 
   “Sit down, child.” I do. She walks around the dusty couch, taking a seat on the coffee table directly across from me. “Okay, is it your mom?” 
   I want to lie, really, but she will see right through it. So, taking a deep breath I ask a question that’s never been asked before. “How long did you know grandpa before you knew you were in love with him?” 
   A faint smile crosses her face, her eyes zero in on the roof, lost in a memory. 
   “Oh child, I knew the first day we met.” 
   “Will you tell me?” Eagerly she nods. I don’t know why it’s never occurred to ask her before. 
   “We were sixteen and in school. The war was raging on and I was an anti-war protestor. Your grandfather was waiting for the day for him to be drafted. It was 1941, the first year of the US officially entering. Oh honey, we despised each other at school, making snide and rude comments from across the hall. We created our own war in school, just he and I. When he left to go fight, I always checked up on him through his parents. He came home injured, did you know that?” 
   “No, was he alright?” Grandma sadly nods. 
   “A gunshot wound to the arm, but his head wasn’t all there." Using an index finger, she taps her temple. "It took years for him to get over the nightmares. I stayed by his side the day he came home until the day he was declared mentally sane. We got married a few months later.” 
   “Did you ever talk about what happened?” 
   “Willow, men at war have a hard time. If they talk, it’s tidbits here and there and you don’t ask. It’s not easy for them to talk about it. Creating art through wood was his outlet, and at first a hobby became a career for him. A career he loved and passed to your father.” 
   The oven dings. Grandma hobbles up, patting my shoulder on the way. 
   “Making my baked mac n cheese. Pre-heat is ready.” She continues on to the kitchen, still leaving unclarity to the situation. 
   **** 
   Thursday morning Lucky and Herman walk over to Charlie’s car. I love Herman’s hugs, they are so warm and comforting, always making my morning. Today doesn’t disappoint. 
   “You’re coming tomorrow right?” He asks in that deep monotone voice.  
   “Of course. You going to protect me from the creeps?” 
   “That’s my job.” Lucky bounces up, taking me from Herman’s arms into his. Swinging me around from behind, Lucky continues in circles until I have to scream at him stop. A dizzy spell makes me stick out my arms like a drunk person trying to walk. Hands grip my waist from behind, without thought I relax against the body behind. It’s familiar scent, the familiar muscles caressing every inch of my body bringing it higher and higher. Why can’t things be simple for us?  
   Kevin keeps his hold on me, even when Clarissa and Trina join. Either none of our friends take notice, or think it’s natural for us to be like this. Which it isn’t. Kevin has never been the touchy feel-y type in public that I’ve seen. 
   “We need to talk.” Warm breath caresses the back of my neck sending shivers along my body. Turning just a bit, Kevin notices the effects he has on me. His laughing eyes tell me we aren’t over, not a by a long shot. 
   Letting out a deep breath, “okay.” 
   “I’ll take you home today.”  
   “Okay.”  
   The bell rings, Kevin and I move apart from each other. I instantly miss the warmth of his touch. Knowing that thinking about this all day will distract me, I chose not to during my classes or even at lunch. I pay full attention in all my classes, even physics where my nemesis sits right next to me, even when Lucky puckers his lips after class and I slap them away.  
   Not until we are heading towards nowhere in particular, is the facade dropped. It took me awhile, but I realize that I have been acting like the jealous girlfriend, without a right to do so. My eyes graze over Kevin as he drives with one arm, leaning his head on his other on the window. Looking so relaxed and carefree, it’s a no wonder I went for him in the first place. His personality washed on me this past weekend, helping me to forget and continuing to forget those feelings of unwanted, and hurt. He helped me get over my own stupid pity party. 
   “I’m sorry.” I blurt out, before losing my nerve. Kevin doesn’t say anything, just pulls over into a deserted road, parking about another mile inland. Climbing out of the truck, he grabs a blanket from the backseat placing it in his truck bed. Lowering the hatch in the back, he nods his head to join him. With no other choice, I follow suit until we are laying on our backs staring at the blue sky. 
   A comfortable silence washes over. We stayed like that for almost an hour, not talking, just breathing in the day air as the sun crossed across the sky heading more westward. Some trees scatter around and in the light breeze the swaying of the leaves, and the sound of birds chirping every so often fill in the quiet.  
   “I feel like I can breathe out here.” With his arms behind his head and eyes closed, it’s hard to telling the meaning behind his words. 
   “Do you feeling suffocated in town?” His eyes pop open, almost vulnerable. It throws me back a bit, unsure where this conversation is going. 
   “Sometimes.” 
   Pulling up and forwards, with my legs together I lean my head on knees and wrap my arms around them.  Did you ever ask if he did screw her? 
   “Did you have sex with Clarissa on Sunday?” I knew I had to be specific, because he has had sex with her before. When I glance back at Kevin, everything is shut off again. “I hate when you cut yourself off.” Still nothing fazes him. This conversation is digging a hole fast.  
   “Yes.” 
   Crap. The blow hurts, and the emotions swirling inside are confusing.  
   “If it had been any other girl, would you be acting this way?” 
   “Honestly, I don’t know.” 
   Slowly the sky turns to an orange purple color. Soon the sun will set and the moon and stars will light up the sky.  
   “I can’t promise you a relationship, Willow.” Pursing my lips, I look back at Kevin. Even with his guarded disguise, emotional turmoil shows on his face. Making a bold move, I climb over to him, straddling my legs on each side of his stomach. 
   “There.” I point to his eyes. “You cut yourself off from everyone, even Charlie, but I see it Kevin. I see the pain and suffering, the vulnerability and the want. What I don’t understand is why we,” my index finger stabs his chest first, then my own, “happened so fast and we can’t learn to control it.” 
   “You can’t control everything in this world. You may be able to control your grades, who and when you go out, what you say, but not all things are controllable.” 
   Leaning in to where we are only inches apart, “That is a lame excuse for not being able to control your urges. If you wanted too, you would.” Pushing back in attempt to gain some distance doesn’t work. Just being this close to him is sending my heart pounding, my insides yearning for skin to skin contact. This is fogging up my intentions, so I try to climb off. Kevin applies pressure to my legs. 
   “Wait.” His eyes plead with me, I give in and stay in the current position. “I come from a family of cheaters. My mom and dad have cheated on each other before, but my uncle takes the cake. He cheated with a married woman on his fiancé, resulting in a child. That’s why my parents are gone every weekend, gone visiting his child he never got to see before his death.” 
   Grabbing his chin tight, I force Kevin to look at me.  
   “Because they cheat doesn’t mean you will.” 
   “No.” His lips squished together look so cute as he tried to talk. “It doesn’t mean I won’t either. I won’t sleep with Clarissa anymore.” 
   I shake my head. “Not good enough.” 
   So we come to a stand still. Gold flecks mixed with green and brown stare at me in curiosity. My brown eyes gaze back in solidarity. 
   “I am not good with ultimatums.” 
   “I am not good with being second best.” 
   It’s like Charlie’s voice popped in my head,  fight for him Willow.  Charlie said those things to me in the car because he believed I wouldn’t be strong enough to fight for Kevin, yet here I am, fighting for what I want. 
   “Charlie knows. He said you needed someone to fight for you, and may have insinuated that it might not be me. If you believe that Kevin, I will let you go and have your fun.” 
   Kevin swallows. “And if I don’t?” 
   “Then you give up the other girls. No relationship status, but monogamy is a must. Just you and me, we will figure everything else out on the way, but I need to trust you Kevin.” 
   I let my words hang in the air for a moment and climb off. Kevin allows it this time. I figure if he needs a few days to decide, then he can have them. After all, we have only been friends for a month now. Enough to know how each other works, enough to know we like to set each other off.  
   The truck shakes and groans in protest as Kevin jumps off. He doesn’t pace, just stands there with his back to me. Hands in his hair, I can see the deep breathing pattern as his back inflates and deflates with every gulp of air. I open my mouth, but no words come out. What can I really say? I’ve put my foot down on the situation, now it’s all his decision. With all this time to myself, what if he decides that he won’t go without the other girls? Then we are back to square one, and he will be booted from my life. My mother and best friend have already pushed me to side, I won’t let the guy I have feelings for do the same, treating me like a rag doll he can use when he feels necessary. I deserve better than that, and he deserves a chance.  
   “You don’t ha-” 
   “Okay.” Kevin turns around with determination set into every feature. 
   “Okay?” I ask wearily. 
   “You and me, only you and me.” 
   Slowly my feet drag until the edge of the truck. Kevin holds out his arms, I jump into them sliding down until we are face to face. Grabbing my hair in one hand as the other holds my body weight, Kevin pushes our noses together. The sincerity in his actions makes me smile, I try not jumping around a like a giddy little girl. 
   “You have to be patient with me Willow.” I nod, still smiling like an idiot. Maybe that’s the story grandma was talking about. She and grandpa never got along, but she knew there was something worth fighting for in him, so she stuck by his side even after his temporary insanity. Maybe all along, she knew about Kevin and I, sharing the parts where they would effect me the most. Whatever her reason, I now understand that it will be a continuous fight between Kevin and I, but if I never decided to fight for him, then how do I know what might happen in the future for us? 
   Our lips touch, creating that explosion of electricity between us. We both are smiling and laughing between pecks until Kevin grows serious. His scrutiny envelopes me, I cannot look away. As our lips touch again, they are less hurried and more serious, more tender, deeper than any kiss Kevin has offered before. 
   
   Take that, Charlie! 
   
     
   
   
   
   No Rest for the Wicked 
   “What’s up, sleepy head? Using your brain too much last night?” 
   More like my body, and then my brain later which left very little time for sleep. 
   “Nothing, just up late studying last night.” I try covering a yawn, but it’s no use. I have been sleepy all day, even as we head to our last class and I slept almost all through lunch, only awake enough to see Kevin took a seat next to Mandy. It made me smile, and then my eyes closed again.  
   “You better be awake for this party tonight.” Lucky turns around, walking backwards. Kevin stays to my left as we laugh when Lucky keeps hitting people from behind.  
   “I will, I will.” I wave a nonchalant hand at him. 
   “Sooooo, did Mandy find you a hot date yet?” 
   Uh. Not looking at Kevin, I shrug. “Not yet.” 
   A hand pinches my butt hard enough for me to screech out. I swap at Kevin’s head. He ducks, just barely. 
   “Ass.” 
   “No hot date?” He arches an eyebrow. It’s hard to decipher if he is teasing or really upset.  
   “I knew it!” Lucky’s voice booms and other stragglers stop to stare. Kevin walks up pulling Lucky into a headlock. Other’s see the display and move on, while I stay rooted to the spot. How would Lucky know? Does that mean everyone knows? Ah crap, Kevin is going to flip and we just got back on good terms. 
   “Shut it, man. If you value your life.” Lucky pulls up his arms in surrender. Looking between Kevin and I, he can’t resist the urge to grin, or waggle his eyebrows.  
   “Let him go, we’ll be late.” I act bored. 
   “Listen to your girl.” He is asking for it, really asking for it.  
   “Lucky, seriously..” Other words fail me. It’s hard to contrive a good explanation at just what Kevin and I are, because we definitely aren’t in a relationship nor are we allowed to see other people. So that means, “we are just dating.” 
   “And no one needs to know right now, okay?” Kevin adds. 
   “I’ll keep you my dirty little secret.” Lucky singsongs, it’s a struggle not to laugh at his antics. In the end I fail miserably. We finally make it to class, Lucky still whistling that stupid song and Kevin stiff as a board. Personally, I find it funny. So when we take our seats in the back, I tell Kevin to relax. He gives me that  don’t even start  look. Patience, right. Only the second day and he is asking for my patience.  
   “Miss Hart!” The voice booms, startling me awake. Mr. Wilcox stands at the front of the class, a pen in his hand not looking too happy. “Care to explain to me just how you ace all your tests, but can’t seem to stay awake during my class?” 
   Oh the response I can give him. You know something along the lines of I study outside the class, hence the reason I am tired, but that’s just asking for more trouble than I already am in. Even Kevin gives a slight warning by squeezing my knee. Lucky is no help, just waggling his eyebrows. Wilcox awaits an answer, impatiently tapping his pen against the cheap desk. 
   “Sorry, won’t happen again.” Satisfied, he turns around and continues writing notes on the overhead.  
   “Keep me awake.” I whisper. Kevin’s idea of keeping me awake is to rub his hand all along my thigh. From the tip of the knee to just below the sweet spot. Yeah, it works.  
   The last bell rings, and freedom and a nap call my name. At least, I thought they did. My legs are barely working at this point, and I can’t even keep my head up to look around.  
   “So tired.” I groan, to no one in particular. Lucky waits for Kevin and I, bouncing around in his usual hyper self. 
   “You down, Kevin?” 
   “Yeah, we will meet you guys over there.”  
   Too confused and exhausted to ask what they mean, I just raise my hand. Lucky approaches, but Kevin steps in front blocking Lucky and facing me. 
   “Want a piggy back ride?” I want to laugh at how immature it sounds, but walking all the way to the parking lot seems like a task in itself.  
   “Uh-huh.” Kevin hands over his bag to Lucky, turns around and lifts me up to his back. Lucky follows along to the side. My head literally feels like a hundred pounds so I let if fall against Kevin’s back. “Why aren’t you going to your class?” My words are slightly mumbled. 
   “Everyone is skipping their last classes. We are going to go set up, brainiac. And guess what? You are helping too!” 
   I groan, swatting at Lucky. “Stop being so energized around me, it’s depleting me more.” 
   Kevin’s car alarm beeps. Our friends voices surround us, but not even the touch from Kevin is keeping me awake any longer. He places my body in the front seat, even buckling my seatbelt. My head falls to the glass window, with a just a centimeter of eye opening to see what’s going. Everyone is talking, Kevin says something to Charlie and Charlie looks in my direction with wide eyes. Hmm, I wonder if he just barely told his best friend. Mine doesn’t even know so there’s no reason to be angry, and honestly I am not. Shutting my eyes for good this time, Kevin hops in the car blasting the AC. The cold keeps me in the state between knocking out completely and awareness. Where you cannot keep your eyes open, nor can you turn your brain off. It sucks.  
   “Come here.”  
   Kevin waves his arm that is resting on the center console. Moving over, I place my head in the crook of his right arm as he uses the left to drive. Fingers start running through my wavy hair, massaging my scalp. 
   “Mmm, feels good.” 
   The drive to our destination doesn’t take long. Soon Kevin is ordering food and a iced coffee, something strong. 
   “Here.” I take the coffee sitting up partially and taking a sip before going back to my earlier position. It feels better that way. “How long did you stay up last night?” 
   “Passed three.” 
   Kevin mumbles something about Lucky having good reason to call me a brainiac. The fingers stop moving and the arm slides underneath my head. We must be close to Lucky’s. I sit up, taking the coffee with me and draining all of its contents just as we arrive.  
     
   *** 
   The guys are playing Tetris with the furniture. No joke. Lucky said his parents would freak if anything got scratched. So they each volunteered to help move all the stuff into one spare bedroom. They didn’t account for how much stuff would actually be in the house though. 
   Mandy and I were put on cleaning duty. Thank God, Trina and Clarissa stayed in the kitchen getting the drinks ready as we swept and wiped away.  
   “So, can we talk?” I grab the swifter wet jet, waving my hand in a continue gesture. Making eye contact will be hard, especially since I am just not quite yet ready to tell her about Kevin. “Look, I am sorry, okay?” 
   With my back still to her, she sighs and continues taking a deep breathe going on with one of her Mandy rants. 
   “I was jealous at first, at how all the guys took a liking to you. It was me who is with Charlie and there you are walking with Luke and Lucky comes swiping in hugging you, only to be followed by Herman.” Lie, lie, lie. 
   “Mandy, your attitude started long before the first day of school.” 
   The wet jet makes that eery noise when spraying the liquid unto the floor. Spray, push, spray, push. Making a pattern of cleaning seems a lot easier than having a conversation about this. Odd, because it’s easy to talk to Kevin about my mom, but I can’t even face Mandy about why she suddenly is jealous of me, of all people.  
   “Will you look at me please?” The wooden broom stick slams against tile flooring, giving off that crackling sound like something broke, but really didn’t. I turn around, facing Mandy. Standing there with one hand on her tilted hip, the other with a white knuckled grip to the broom, she looks ready to fly off as the wicked witch of west. Only with blonde hair. “You are so perfect, Willow. Look at Willow, she’s so smart. Look at Willow how she can hold her alcohol but never parties. Look at Willow taking care of her best friend and then having her grandmother cook hangover remedies. You never do anything wrong, you never say the wrong thing, it’s so intimidating to be your friend sometimes.” 
   “Are you kidding me?” Looking at Mandy only stirs an already boiling pot of anger. Standing there like I am the one causing problems when all I have done is sit there and try and be there for her. Sort of. These past two weeks, I can be honest and say we both have not been the greatest friends to each other. Not trusting Charlie or Kevin at first was the initial problem, but it became clear that Mandy didn’t see that as our drifting excuse. Funny now I trust both of them more than Mandy.“I am so far from perfect it’s scary.” Walking slowly towards Mandy, I let her know just what the real problem has been. One that should have been clear from the get-go, but I was too stunned that my friend would stoop to such levels to gain such attention. “But let’s talk about why our friendship is dying. You want to fit in Mandy, always have, always will. You pretended to gag and laugh at Charlie’s known behavior but flirt with him the first chance you got. Now look at the happy couple, but wait you are pissed because I became their friends too. The attention was off you and on me, for one reason and one reason only.”  
   Near nose to nose, Mandy doesn’t back down, which I give her credit for. “And what’s that, oh smart one?” 
   “Because I am not fake. When I laugh it’s genuine, when I hug Lucky, Herman, Luke or Charlie it’s because they are my big teddy bears, when I fight with Kevin it’s because I fucking care. You slept with Charlie to gain popularity points, I hang out with those guys because they are real people with happiness, sadness, contentment and quietness. They don’t give a shit about money or their looks, which is why they hang out together and which is why I am their friend.” 
   An evil look takes over Mandy’s face. Slowly, she creeps up to me. “So is true then that you think Kevin will choose you over every girl in this town, or the neighboring towns that he has already had knowing you for what? Only a month?” She purses her lips in what she thinks as a total slap to the face. Which only has me laughing, and then laughing harder. When had our friendship taken such a shitty turn? When had Mandy become such a bitch? Mandy, not looking too pleased starts spitting off curses. 
   “You are right, I used Charlie but he uses me too. For the sex. Uh-oh cover your virgin ears, Willow, wouldn’t want your perfect soul to go to hell for hearing just how hot and steamy we get every night possible.” Ha, Kevin and I go anytime possible. “But back to the Kevin scenario. Word from Clarissa is he just had her over on Sunday.” Knew that, still she continues thinking that all of this is punching some kind of hole in my gut. In actuality, I’ve learned that in the last week that most of this stuff has happened, nothing really hurts like a mother leaving her daughter after raising her for thirteen years. Almost makes a person feel invincible to other emotional wounds, almost. “Clarissa will be the one to lock him down, and you will soon be left as the loner Willow without any friends. Too bad, so sad.” 
     
     
   CLAP. CLAP. CLAP. 
     
   “Great speech Mandy, can we all hear it this time around so your friend Clarissa here can catch up.”  
   Charlie saunters into the living room at total ease. The hallway entrance he just came through holds a throng of bodies. Luke and Herman, look at each other and duck out, both not really ones for confrontation. My eyes wander past an excited Lucky, past a red faced Clarissa, or genuinely shocked Trina. They land right on my target, whom is staring back at me. So much rage and desire run through me, even the look I send Kevin knocks his defenses down a bit. He feels it too, the time for the air to come clean, the time for us to all face the facts that people in this room are a lot shadier than what they led on. It pisses him off, so much so his jaw clenches. Before the logical part of my brain kicks in, I take a few steps in that direction only to stop myself. People don’t need to know our business, especially since Mandy aired out enough today.  
   “Charlie, baby, I can explain.” Mandy’s sweet talking voice exclaims. Charlie spreads his arms wide, laughing a humorless laugh, looking just like Kevin does when he shuts down. Interestingly, Charlie wears evidence of hurt. Falling for Mandy is so easy, I am sure, that he never thought she would be one of those “girls”. Probably ruining him for future relationships. “Look, Clarissa told Trina and I that Kevin wanted a relationship with her, but Willow was saying bad things about her to Kevin. In result, it was just giving Clarissa a bad image. So Clarissa asked me today if I could get Willow to admit the things she saying in front of you. Baby, I lied about using you and all that other stuff. Don’t you see?” 
   “Why would you need to lie? The truth is, I did use you for sex.” Charlie grabs Mandy’s face hard, pushing their lips together with enough pressure their teeth clank on impact loudly. “But now, I think I’ve satiated my need for the hopeless female.” 
   “Baby-” 
   “Hey Mandy. GET. THE. FUCK. OUT. You two also!” Charlie points in my direction, but then I turn around and see Trina and Clarissa making a beeline for the door, Mandy not too far behind. And then there was one female left, with no best friend and no mother, but that didn’t matter, because I have these guys.  
   When there’s a loud inhumane roar somehow coming out of Charlie’s body, the other four boys appear at his side. Kevin only offers a brief glance. I mouth the words  go    to him. He nods, and the four of them disappear into the kitchen with all the alcohol.  
   
   
   
   Underestimated 
   ch. 15 
   In the name of guy time, I walked home. Ten miles to be exact, in hot and humid weather. Not that I am complaining, okay yeah I really am. It was a bad idea to wear pants today, but at least they were loose enough to roll up just below my knees. Wearing shoes, now that was a smart idea. By the time I walked through the front door, sweaty and tired to the bone, grandma took one look at me, set a glass of water (more like slammed) in front of me at the table saying one word, “explain.” 
   No use in lying to her, so she got the whole story. Even the cuss words and to my surprise, she didn’t flinch once. She just nodded her head the whole time like she understood what happened, and that she really expected it. When the entire story was finished, she took a seat across the table and looked at me, really looked at me. 
    “How do you feel about all this?” 
   “You sound like a therapist.” 
   “Willow.” She chided. Okay, okay. It’s clear she has something up her sleeve, so I go along. 
   “Honestly, I am mad and not mad at the same time.” True. 
   “Mad about what specifically?” It takes a moment of pause to dig deep inside and find out if Mandy upset me because of how she treated me or how she used Charlie. In the end, I concluded that in all honesty, I wasn’t the least bit taken back about how our friendship ended. That says something, but I just don’t know what. So I told grandma, hoping for some clarification. Instead, I get another question. “Are you upset at how that girl used Charlie?” 
   “Yes.” 
   “And you figured it out, just too late?” 
   “Yes.” She smiles. 
   “Willow, I think you have known all along that the friendship between you and Mandy has been artificial, at best.” I open my mouth to argue that she was always there for me when I broke down about my dad and mom, but grandma raises her hand to shut me off. “Think about this way Willow, when did you always call Mandy?” 
   “When I needed a distraction.” I say without pause. “But..” I did the same thing with Kevin, so is this thing with him artificial too? Or is it because I feel he is hiding something, deep and connected to me somehow and I want to know? 
   “But what, dear?” I look into her pity gaze, wishing it wasn’t there and trying to decide just how to tell her my previous thoughts. 
   “What’s the difference between Mandy and Kevin, if I called him last week to distract me?” 
   She doesn’t answer right away, only points first to her chest and then her head. “You’ll see the difference one day.” Sliding back the chair, grandma reaches for her walker and heads towards the kitchen. Early dinner night because of knitting class. Just as she reaches the entrance, grandma pauses. “Remember what I said about Kevin being able to understand you more than you know?” 
   “Yeah.” 
   “Well, who invited whom first last Friday?” She doesn’t give me a chance to respond, just keeps walking through the kitchen. A few minutes later some pots and pans move around and chopping sounds follow. I stay glued to my chair.  
   It was Kevin who asked first.  
   **** 
   Kevin called and said he’ll pick me up by nine. With grandma’s riddle, which is so unlike her to not give what she wants to say straight out, I thought long and hard about my friendship with Mandy. True, every time I felt suffocated and wanted to forget, I’d call her. We would raid her dad’s hidden stash of liquor and drink into oblivion, but other than that we shared few memories. The ice cream parlor is the only thing we always did together. Then again, the way Mandy always turned around to survey the room made more sense. She was always looking for an in, and found one with Charlie that day I left my phone. I caught on though, and she was thrown to the wolves. An outcast. No longer Charlie’s girlfriend, and no longer with our group. No doubt she will form some kind of bond with Clarissa over shared hatred of me, but the thing is, who really gives a shit? 
   As the day progresses on, it’s quite clear, that I am not one suffering from this. I throw on a black halter top and some shorts after the shower, abruptly forgetting all about Mandy and her posse. The black halter dips low enough my back dimples peek out. With one stretchy, thin string cutting across mid back to hold up the girls in front. My jean shorts are rolled up high, not where my buttcheeks are showing, but enough to make a boy drool. More specifically, Kevin. I throw on some quick mascara and eyeliner and pink tinted lip gloss from MAC, leaving my hair down in it’s natural waves. Black strappy sandals complete the outfit, just as a horn honks outside. Grandma is already gone to her knitting club, every Friday night as usual.  
   I step outside only to stop shortly and quickly before continuing. Charlie awaits in his truck, alone. He gives me a long appreciative glance at my outfit, adding a whistle before driving on. We stay quiet for a little, but the anger against Mandy for treating Charlie like crap wins over.  
   “I’m sorry how she treated you, and that I didn’t learn about it until later.” Charlie chuckles. “What?” 
   He shakes his head still laughing. “I asked Kevin if I could pick you up so I could say ‘thanks.’ He said you would blame yourself before I got the chance.” 
   “That boy is too observant.” I grumble. 
   “Yeah, he is.” Charlie checks out my outfit again adding a wink. The insinuation is not lost on me. 
   “You are a good person, Charlie. I’m sorry I doubted you from the beginning when it should have been Mandy.” He pauses. 
   “Can you do me a favor Willow?” 
   “Sure.” Charlie’s eyes bore into my own, nothing other then determination lingers there. 
   “Don’t give up on Kevin. We both underestimated the fight in you.” He gives a lopsided grin, pulling into the driveway of Lucky’s house. 
   The party isn’t quite a party yet. These things don’t start until well past midnight, but the guys wanted to pre-game and get as much alcohol use as a possible before it’s all gone. Lucky swirled me around when I walked in. Herman gave me his big bear hug that I adore. Luke just gave me a normal side hug, but Kevin. Kevin ate me alive with his eyes. It literally stopped me in my tracks. The burn in them, it seriously made my shorts wet within two seconds of being there. And Charlie didn’t lie, Kevin observed every inch of my skin. Slowly perusing from head to toe, the shine in his eyes burned brighter and brighter until he finally pulled my arms to him. Lifting up my legs to wrap around his waist with one hand, and pulling my hair with the other, he starts walking us to an unknown destination. “We’ll be right back.” He says to no one in particular.  
   There’s a bunch of “uh-huh’s” and “sure’s” that follow.  
   “My hair.” It’s a weak protest at best. Golden flecks laugh at those words. 
   “Don’t worry, you look better with sex hair.” 
   Kevin locks the door to a guest room. It’s nothing like the ones in his house. Instead this only holds a bed and desk lamp on the ground. No couches, not very much room, but very homely and lived in. 
   Setting me down on my back in no rush, Kevin crawls on top. My legs wrap around his waist again as his lips meet mine in soft, unhurried motions. My fingers find his back, caressing and squeezing, wanting him closer and closer. Our tongues finally meet, and even their dance today is the tango. Nothing fast, everything slow and nerve wracking. My need for him builds and builds, but Kevin does nothing to satisfy my thirst. His teasing kisses cause my pelvis to repeatedly rub against his hard on. I moan and moan, yet all of our clothes still remain on and our lips never stop touching. Kevin leisurely pulls away. Our accelerated breathing takes precedence over the speakers now playing music. Reaching out, Kevin caresses my left cheek. Just the notion has me closing my eyes in comfort more than anything else.  
   “Willow...Look at me.” I do. Shirtless, Kevin leans over starting to scatter kisses along my jaw and neck knowing just how much that turns me on, how much it makes me moan and yearn from more. I scratch at his back, asking for more but he shakes his head just as a soft peck lands on my shoulder. This tender side of Kevin during sex is new. Usually our sex is fast paced and hungry, but this one...we aren’t even close to being done. “We are going to make this one last long.” He whispers. Oh-oh. Long I can most definitely do. He nibbles on my ear, causing me to whimper. “Slow and unmeasured, Willow. Every time you will come close to exploding, I am going to pull out and make you start all over again.” 
   “Oh God.” I croak. Kevin lifts himself back up, only leaning on his elbows this time and nowhere near touching me like I want. Our eyes meet, Kevin unguarded shows heat and longing, only turning me on more.  
   “You are beautiful, Willow. Remember that.” 
   “Okay.” I rasp.  
   Those words didn’t sound like they came from me, but a starved lion waiting for her dinner. Eventually, she gets the longest, most delicious feed of her life. 
   
   
   
   I like the way you move 
   “What’s your favorite color?” I lay across Kevin’s naked chest. Some of his fingers interlock with my waves, twirling them around and sometimes teasingly pulling. 
   His gaze is focused on the wisps of hair. “I know what you’re doing, but I’ll answer anyway. Gold.”  
   Leaning my head on my elbow, “why gold?” 
   His eyes flicker towards mine. There’s an internal struggle in there. Kevin isn’t used to opening up, even justifying simple questions like what his favorite color is. Even though our sex life is great and today, for the first time we had passionate, toe curling love making, it still seems we fight more than we talk. I hold my ground, waiting. 
   “It’s the color of my cousin’s eyes. What’s yours?” He quickly evades the oncoming question about which cousin. Simple enough to figure it out that it’s the child of his dead cheating uncle. 
   “Hmm, can’t really say.” 
   “If you had to choose.” 
   “Purple.” Kevin lets loose a carefree laugh. I rest my chin just below his collar bone, enjoying just how that small enough answer made him loosen up a bit. 
   “Why purple?” 
   “Red and blue I like the most. If they mix, it creates purple.” I add sweetly. Kevin shakes his head with laughing eyes. 
   “Leave it to you Willow, to make a favorite color so complicated.” 
   “Hey!” Slapping his chest, I crawl to straddle him. “I am not a complicated person. In fact, I like to think I am simplified version of the female race.” 
   Rough hands grip my waist, urging me to make small movements back and forth. The friction creates the build up of heat asking for more and more. I can never get enough of him, which is scary sometimes. What if he gets enough of me?  
   “You have such a one tracked mind.” I tease. The laughing eyes shut down. One hand leaves the comfort of my waist to cradle my face. Instinctually, I lean into the caress, sending fluttering kisses along the palm of his hand. 
   “I won’t get tired of you Willow.”  He is the king of reading people. 
   The hand continues to move backwards, playing with strands of hair again. Smoothly, he tugs my face so our lips can connect. Our movement is slow, full of unspoken words and emotions. Something is growing between us, and I like it, a lot. Just as we break for some air, Kevin pulls us back together, flipping our bodies to where he now leans over me. My hands do their usual searching and prodding, trailing from the muscles of his lower back up to the thick growing hair.  
   “Willow..” Soft whispers against my lips have my eyes fluttering open. Just half an inch away and the concern is palpable all over. “How are you doing?” 
   My lips do not tremble with sadness, my heart doesn’t ache with unforgiving, but pain does ricochet inside, just not for myself. “I feel bad for Charlie. She did a number on him in just a month and now...” I trail off, because it goes without saying. Charlie is going to go back to how he was before, but now he won’t trust a single female in his path.  
   “Hey!” Fists pound against the door. “Are you two going to come join the festivities or what? The party is raging on without you!” Lucky’s booms over the pounding music. Kevin lets out a string of curses that have me cackling. 
   “Shower first.” Picking me up, he walks us to the shower where we spend another forty five minutes memorizing each other’s bodies.  
   **** 
   We emerge mostly dry. My hair now finger combed and my face without make up, minus the lip gloss I brought, Kevin holds my hand through the hallway. Just as we are met with dim lighting, the thump of music vibrating against the walls and throngs of bodies leaving very little wiggle room, Kevin turns around kissing my forehead. 
   “Going to find Charlie. I’ll meet up with you later.” 
   “Okay.” Just as he walks away, I notice the slight bulge in his back pocket where my underwear now sits. Hey, I told you before that I hate putting on used underwear. Just the thought sends the creepy crawly feeling all over.  
   Eventually the sight of Luke and Herman leaning against a wall near a DJ booth with Lucky behind that marked off by doggy dates, comes into view. Pushing past dancing bodies, and groups just standing and drinking in the middle of the designated dancing area, I reach the two. Luke’s shoulders drop in relief as Herman edges his away from the wall. A girl with short dark brown hair block’s the body view of Luke. When they both nod for me to join, the girl turns around. 
   Nancy Jones. ASB president, leader of almost all the clubs at school and the most hyper, chipper girl you will ever meet. She also never shuts up.  
   “Hi Willow!” Nancy salutes with a red cup.  
   “Hey Nancy. You guys having fun?” I shoot Luke a look of hidden laughter, he shakes his head.  Help me , he mouths.  
   “You guys want to dance?” Herman looks mortified at the offer, and Luke just about ready to say yes, suddenly changes his mind. When a cup appears in front of me full of juice, the answer is clear.  
   Kevin.  
   Only handing me the cup he nods at me and then his friends before disappearing into the massive bodies again. Tentatively taking a sip, the ratio of alcohol is strong but good.  
   “So Willow, you don’t come to parties very much. Like ever, and now you hang out with these guys? What’s the deal girl? It’s like you are finally opening your eyes to the world around you senior year!” 
   While trying to formulate some sort of response, Luke and Herman start slipping backwards, both gurgling down their own concoctions, probably in unease.  
   “Yeah, they are my friends now.” I lamely reply.  
   Stepping closer to me, because Lucky has the base so loud from the house music that all the walls are thumping and my cup is vibrating from the sound waves, Nancy shouts near my ear a little too loudly. “So, what happened between you and Mandy? I never see you guys stuck to each other anymore. It’s like she and Charlie are attached at the hip.”  
   None of your business.  
   I can only offer a shrug, and try hard to come up with some lame excuse to get out of her line of vision. Looking around, trying to spot someone of more possible interest, I see Charlie. Staring at nothing particular, he leans on a beige wall next to a family picture, a cup in each hand.  
   “Hey Nancy?” 
   “Yeah?” 
   “Can you get me another drink?” 
   The girl is gone so fast, all of us finally relax. Lucky starts playing the David Guetta song “Titatnium” when I pull Luke and Herman to the dance floor. While Luke dances along with me in the center of the dance floor where more people have seen to migrate, Herman stands perfectly still. Holding a now empty glass, his eyes are wide with fear. 
   “Herman has a fear of public dancing.” Luke sashays behind me.  
   Moving my hips, careful not to spill the drink and cautious of not getting my toes stepped on, I work towards Herman. Taking the cup from his frozen hand, and grabbing the other I drag him back to Lucky’s booth. Hopping over the stupid doggy dates, Lucky bounces his head with headphones covering only one ear as he messes with music on his laptop. Low and behold, lays a bottle of tequila next to his feet. Snatching up the bottle, Lucky yells out “hey!” 
   “Be right back, getting Herman drunk first.” I don’t know if he heard me, just fill up Herman’s glass with a shot. 
   “Drink it.” He does. I fill it up again, adding the same command. Once this happens about five or six times, and Herman is no longer standing there like he has got a stick up his ass, I return the bottle to Lucky. He sends me a wink, I blow him an air kiss. “Ready?”  
   The big guy still cautious, follows the path back to Luke. I put my hands on his waist and start dancing and moving with him. First, he moves with stiff movements with his hands on the crook of my elbow. When Luke takes a spot behind me, sandwiching me between the two, he loosens up a bit.  
   “Come on Herman, dance like you mean it and we may get laid tonight.” Luke’s words drift over to two drunk girls grinding on each other. They take a look at Herman, then Luke and lastly landing on me. I throw my hands up in the air.  
   “All yours ladies.” Without pause they push me out of the way. A blonde grabs Luke by the neck pushing her front body on him while her friend, a brunette uses her backside dancing skills on Herman. The boy lucked out, she is doing most of the work.  
   Without anymore needed help, I slither away still dancing by myself. No big deal, sometimes it’s more fun. Swaying around, Charlie still leans near the family portrait. Only he is about ten feet away and now looking at me. I crook my index finger and wave him over. No luck. Alright, he wants it the hard way.  
   Determination sets in my stride. Charlie looks both ways for an exit, but the room is crammed, adding to the stuffy, hot sauna feeling of parties.  
   “Come dance.” 
   “No, Willow. Not tonight.” The words cause so much pain inside, just the hollowness in them is enough to make want to slap Mandy into next week.  
   “Just with me Charlie. No other girls. Just friends tonight, please?” Our eyes hold for a little. I grab the front of his crew neck gently pulling. Pushing off the wall, Charlie creeps with me back to the dance floor. I turn around, waving my hands in the air like a maniac trying to get Lucky’s attention. We need continuous upbeat music, something happy and fun. Something so cliche at dances, but nonetheless still entertaining. Yelling at Lucky isn’t really working. I try a few times and am not trusting of Charlie to stay in this position if I do leave to go back to Lucky. Finally he looks and catches the words by having me mouth him. Sending a sneaky smile, he nods.  
   “Where’s your drink?” Charlie asks as the dancers wait for the next some to come on. I think back to where I last saw it. The DJ booth. Instead of going for a new cup, I take the one in Charlie’s left hand. “I wasn’t drinking that, at all.” 
   “Don’t worry, you need your hands for this song.” 
   
   It’s time get Funky. Funky. Clap. Clap. Clap your hands.  
   
   Oh yeah, the Cha Cha Slide. Old school, but never gets old.  
   Charlie tries to hold in his smile. He bites his lip ferociously, but it slips. When the lyrics continue to belt out, Charlie and I take our stance in the crowd as the group of bodies moves in synchronization to the words. Herman and Luke perform the moves in the line in front. Whenever I glance at Charlie, he is shaking his head laughing. Soon the four of us end up in line together, giggling like idiots and joking between words. Drinks are splashing all over the tile floor, my feet keep slipping in the sandals, and Herman keeps bumping into my left side not quite sober anymore. Whoops, that was my fault, but overall Charlie is having a good time with his friends.  
   The song ends too soon, but the four of us stay together in a group dancing around each other. Herman starts getting sloppy, real sloppy. Maybe the tequila shots were not a good idea. At one point when he almost face plants it, and the buzz the three of us have going only means we stand there laughing like true friends. Then Kevin reappears. 
   “Come on big guy, let’s get you to a bed.” Even being twice his size, Kevin takes most of Herman’s weight, exiting back into the darkened hallway. Once they’re out of sight, blondie and brunette are on Luke and Charlie.  
   Leaving them to take Charlie’s spot on the wall since they both don’t wear the faces of people who are bothered, I take a look around. It’s crazy how living in a small town people may know me by whispers and rumors, but hardly any of these familiar faces come with names. Nancy was right, I hid out when high school started. Before then actually. In eighth grade, out of sight out of mind was my motto. Stay in the shadows to be hidden from the stares seemed like a better way to live. Now here I am, with four guy friends, one guy that my mind and body can’t get enough of, and no Mandy. Life has a funny way of turning things around on you and it doesn’t bother me one bit, not in this situation. Because if I had come out to parties and the social life earlier, would these awesome guys be my friends? Would Lucky dance up to me everyday at lunch and give me a smothering hug? Would Herman be my big teddy bear of protection? Would Kevin even be interested in me as he is now? 
   Those thoughts are swiped away, like an eraser to paper. Kevin approaches, the same look in his eyes when I first arrived. My back straightens up, my toes curl in anticipation and just when he reaches two feet in front, he stops. I have to tilt my head up to reach his gaze. Moments pass away and we cannot look away from each other. Neither of us reaches out to each other, nor do we move away. It may sound corny, but time freezes us in that picture. Just standing. Staring.  
   “Alright ya’ll! Now this song is a baby making song, but no baby making on my floors! Nothing like an oldie but goodie to set the mood right.” Lucky’s voice booms over the microphone. His words are taunting and the song that follows pulls Kevin and I closer together, still not touching.  
   He begins walking backwards, I step forward. Step by step we take, until we are in the middle of the crowd again, right next to his best friends. Not once have our eyes disconnected. An invisible string tightens and tightens until we are face to face. A hand slithers just at the edge of the shirt on my backside, teasing and trickling until it reaches the skin underneath. Warmth spreads, but sends a cold shiver all over. My free hand wraps around Kevin’s neck, tugging softly. Our faces, now nose to nose. Another hand smoothes down my bare skinned leg, lifting it higher until it wraps around his waist. Then we start moving in slow, grinding movements.  
   My body waves forward as his does, connecting pelvis to waist, chest to chest. Body contact creates friction, turning into burning heat. Desire courses through my veins. The world is tuned out. In our little bubble, the movement of body to body continues. Fingers start slithering their way upwards, refreshing air soothes my steaming back. Steam could be coming out, but there is no distraction in this world. No, only Kevin and I.  
   Dance moves match the rhythm and pace, words echo of grinding. Continuous and continuous, my eyelids start lowering in pure lust filled need. Just as the final beat is coming, the final words quieting down into promised whispers, both of my legs have found themselves wrapped around his waist, still pumping more intensely by the second. His head dips slightly to the side, dodging my lips. Placing a feathered kiss just below the ear, I moan and Kevin whispers, “Thank you.” 
   
   
   Publication Date: August 27th 2014 https://www.bookrix.com/-gl632d6d692cd35