text: Marisa Redhead16 Sophia To Mom, who's always been supportive. 
   
   
   Most of the students like him as well. My other teachers include two Mr.Reeds. They are brothers. The history Mr.Reed is average sized, and he basically has no muscles and no fat. He has brown, curly hair. He's the younger of the brothers. His brother is Mr. Johnson's height, but he does not weigh 200 pounds in a good way. He's not fat, but he's not skinny either.My English teacher is Mr.Kurl.Which is kind of ironically strange, because he has dark curly hair. The science Mr. Reed has a crush on the guidance counselor, Miss Cara Ridda. She is very pretty, with red hair, light skin, and hazel eyes. l have seen her before. l remembered that some of the dorks you see in the movies wear contacts or glasses. l felt lucky, then felt bad. l thought about Sophia. l caught myself thinking,"She WILL be mine."     Monday started okay. The two best parts were when Mr. Johnson caught Billy trying to stick a note that said "Fat geek" onto my shirt. An even better part was, right before l walked into history, Sophia actually said," Hi, Tobias.". l could not stop thinking,  She knows my name!  l was still smiling when Tony picked me up. " Hi, big guy," he said.l ignored him. Tuesday was terrible. Billy stuck a note that said " Fattest dork" on my shirt. l didn't know it was there until a plain boy named Marco mentioned it. Sophia did not say much to me but "Where's Nina?" "Girls bathroom." At that moment, Nina came out,putting lip gloss on. "Hi, Muffincake." Behind Sophia was Billy. "She's mine,not yours." Billy slapped me really hard on the chest. I doubled over, gasping for breath. "Tobias!" Mr. Reed the science teacher hurried to my side. "I'm fine, really." l lied. Mr.Reed sniffed at me, then cleaned his glasses."The nurse still needs to see you,Tobias Shane Grass. And no offense, but you're a bad liar. l'll take care of Billy." The nurse looked unhappy when l walked in. " l really wish you'd learn to comeback." she said, as she studied the new bruise. l felt completely embarassed. " We'd better call your father," the nurse said. l knew that the nurse happened to be really good friends with Dad. Dad had most likely told her what happened.Soon l was in Dad's car. He was quiet the whole time. He was feeling depressed.When we got home,my stomach growled loudly. " Are you hungry?" Dad asked. "Yes." "So am l. l'll put something in the stove" Dad rubbed his blond head, and searched for something for lunch. He found meatloaf." Your mother's been meaning to cook this." he said. After we finished eating, my favorite show, NUMB3RS came on. Dad joined me on the couch,sipping red wine. Girlfriend decided to lay down at my feet. "He's going to trip over you or step on your tail, dog." Dad said. She pretended not to hear him. A few hours later, Tony walked in. He poured himself a glass of water and took a sip. When Mom came home l cornered her and asked " Which shirts look good on me?" " Your red shirt looks good on you. That grey shirt with the skull looks good. Almost all your shirts look good on you. Why?" I told her what l was thinking. " Sophia sounds like she wants to stand up for you." " Her look really says I think you're fat and stupid." Mom laughed and said " Oh Tobias," like she did when l used to say l hated girls. Now l love girls. But l don't know how to talk to them.     Later l was on YouTube.I was looking at random videos when l saw it: Sophias Vanity and Purse Tour. l clicked on it without thinking. "Hi everyone," she said. "l'm here for you, gorgeous," l said out loud. " So l'm going to be doing a What's In My Purse video. Then I'll do a vanity and room tour." l watched the whole thing. " lnterested in her?" said a voice. l spun around. Tony. " l don't know. She goes to my school. She's popular." l said.Tony walked away. The next day l was in science. " ls something wrong Tobias ?" l turned around. It was Mr. Reed. "No, nothing's wrong." l told him. He raised one eyebrow. That day, l was working on homework, when my favorite love song started to play. l imagined myself in a better body, dancing with Sophia, smelling her rose scented perfume.    "TONY!" Dad's angry voice raged through the house. l paused GirlsGreatestDream's video.It was pretty stupid anyway. All he was doing was trying to get a girl to change her personality so she could be with him. She was smarter than he thought. He wanted her to go tanning and change her pretty red hair to a different shade. She evantually walked away. "Tobias, where's your brother?" l looked. Dad. " In his room the last time l checked." My dog gave me a look like "Huh? What are you talking about?" l gave her a gentle scratch, but l couldn't go very far because of the size of my stomach.    At school the next day, l went to the nurse simply because she ordered me to. Who'd l see? Sophia, holding a heating pad over her waist. She glanced at me. Her bright eyeshadow really brought out her beautiful eyes. She offered me a smile. l could not tell whether it was flirty or nice. l smiled back. The next thing l knew l was in gym, sweating hard. Coach blew the whistle. " You worthless pudgy idiot, Tobias!" l blushed, Billy snickered. " Tobias isn't worthless," said a familiar voice. It was Mr. Johnson. He was frowning. " He's sweatin', you numbskull!" "He's supposed to sweat!" "What are you doing anyway?" "I'm heading toward the office. l need to copy these off. Imbelic idiot." He turned to leave, but Coach jumped him. Soon, Mr. Kurl and both Mr.Reeds were trying to separate them. It was a pretty nasty fight. Blood, fists, and even teeth were everywhere. Several more teachers and students came in, including my friends and crush. Micheal edged toward me. "What's happening?" he asked. l told him everything. Sophia got really close to me. My stomach lurched. What is she doing? What should l do? l thought. l got to go home early.Dad looked really unhappy. " l tried to position for a job in a grocery store, Tobias. l didn't get it." l glanced at him. " I'm sorry." " lt was my fault, son."      When we were home,Mom and Tony were already home. "Joseph, we need to talk to Tony." "What's wrong, honey?" Mom looked at me. "Why is he home? ls he sick?" She felt my forehead. " He's fine. Something happened in one of his classes. l'll tell you later. Tobias,go upstairs with your dog." l obeyed him. l read a book about a boy with several health problems. Pretty soon, l heard yelling and slamming doors. Then l heard soft crying and talking. l heard Dad's voice. "l didn't mean to hurt him like that. l only meant to lecture him. But what if Tobias heard us?" "If he did, he probably won't bring it up, Joseph." "l'm so sorry, Anna. This is my fault." "Not completely." l heard a knock then a door open. " Tony?" " What do you want?" " l'm so sorry.l'm just so stressed out. Can you ever forgive me?" " Okay, Dad." " Are we friends again?" "Yeah." My door opened.It was Dad. He and Tony both looked like they'd been crying.       "Tobias, did you hear anything?" l nodded. A tear fell out of Dad's eye. "It's time for lunch. Mom bought McDonald's." Even though l knew how many calories my belly would take in,l marked the page and went downstairs.      The next day,school was canceled. l asked Nina to come over. Her job was find clothes that look good, or better yet, make me look slimmer. But when she arrived, Tony started to flirt with her. " Nice perfume." he said, sniffing her and putting his hand on her back. "Thanks!" l glared at him. Her perfume did smell good, but l knew Tony just wanted to annoy me. l also did not want Nina to get hurt. Tony had broken plenty of hearts already. Tony glanced at me and got the message. We both knew his new girlfriend, Spring, was set to be torn apart. Spring has a lot of friends, both girls and guys. But Tony can cause a lot of pain. Mom smiled at Nina when she came in from the kitchen, carrying a plateful of brownies topped with cashews and almonds. I glared at her also. She was not supposed to do anything. Mom likes Nina, they get along perfectly,but Nina was supposed to be here for me only. l also thought about asking her for dating advice. l took her upstairs after she bubbled on about my grades and she even said some girls think my face looks interesting.Tony asked her if that was a good thing. She said yes, which surprised me. When Girlfriend saw Nina, she wagged her tail and sniffed her. They'd met before. Nina set her purse on my bed and sat down. "So, what's up?" she asked. l told her what l wanted. She smiled. "This will be fun." "How's Sophia doing?" l asked while she took off my shirt and held a brown one against my pudgy gut. " She's great. Hmmm. This one makes you look super skinny." She picked out another one." This shirt looks good, but it also makes you look chubby." She put it in the Keep pile. We got through the closet quickly. We kept everything. I thought about Sophia. l realized l was in love. l loved her.       At school the next school day, I headed into the boys locker room and dressed out. We had a substitute gym teacher. He was very handsome, with a slim figure and long wavyish, curly hair. His hair reached his shoulders. He seemed to be part Hispanic.l watched as he counted us off. l could already see he had a great upper torso. His white tank top was stretched tight against his sexy body. He spoke. " Guess what guys? l'm eighteen years old." We stared at him. "My name is Glen Crow. Since Coach got fired, l'm going to be your sub." You could see he was nervous. Twenty five students against one eighteen year old, we could bring him down. " We'll stop by the Aerobics room to get steps, then go to the boys gym." He took us to the Aerobics room. Sophia was in the Aerobics room on a treadmill. Sophia is a few inches shorter than me, but you could literally barely see her feet. She ran so unbelievedly fast. She looked at us. My stomach flipped. Billy whistled. "Kiss-worthy legs, honey!" All the girls in the room glared at him. "Sophia is not a prize!" Maureen, the most popular girl in the school, said. Maureen has blond hair,wears so much makeup you can barely see the rest of her body, and has super-rich parents. She is also as hard as nails, and a little boy crazy. However, if a boy says an inappropiate comment to one of her friends or sisters, she'll rush to her defense. She was doing a weight lifting exercise.    That night, l was getting ready for bed. l happened to look down,and noticed that l had bigger belly rolls than anyone in my family. l tried to take off my jeans, but they seemed to be glued to my waist. l remembered that Glen Crow took off his shirt. He had the abs l wanted! l forced my jeans off my waist, and studied myself in the full length mirror. Girlfriend was already on my bed. l flicked off the light and laid down. l covered myself up to my chest. Thoughts of Sophia flooded my mind. l love you,Sophia. l thought.    On Saturday,l was reading one of Tony's magazines that he didn't want anymore. l read something new: Don't Believe That Skinny Guys don't get belly rolls,we do! That surprised me. l realized that l knew l had to lose weight, l just wasn't sure how. l stepped on the scale in the bathroom, and gasped. l had reached over 200 pounds! l was now considered obese. l was more than 20 pounds overweight. Luckily, we had Italian for dinner. l decided that l needed a change. After dinner l made .  a list of the changes l needed: Sophia had to give me a sign that she loved me,(unless she already had), l needed to lose weight, especially in my belly, life at home needed updating, and Billy had to stop hassling me. l hadn't really thought about he hurt me at least twice a week. Did he truly hate me? Probably. l looked at Girlfriend. She was trying to get the flea collar off. We do give her medicine, but Mom bought the collar for extra protection. "Stop that," l ordered. She gave me a guilty look. l found myself thinking about Sophia. Would her long brown hair match my long blond hair? Who could l tell about her? Logan? No way! He'd tell everybody he knew. Nina? She'd probably tell Sophia herself. Michael? He'd tell Nina. l don't know if l've said this, but Michael really likes Nina. He'd literally die to be with her. Mom? She'd give me flirting tips. Dad? He can't keep a secret. Tony? He'd either laugh and tell his girlfriend, or grunt and pretend l didn't tell him. He's done both. l love Tony, but he can be a pest.      Spring came over for dinner Sunday. She was nice and pretty, and everyone liked her. Mom made a really delicious dish. It was a French dish. Monday? Not okay. Mr. Kurl caught Billy trying dump soda mixed with tea and milk and coconut meat on my hair. Sophia didn't spare me a glance. Look at me! Talk to me! Say you love me! l begged her. When l got home,things went weird. " TOBIAS SHANE GRASS!!!" I walked into the kitchen. " Did you call me?" l asked Dad. " l think Tony is playing a prank." he said. Then he turned back to to the newspaper. " Anything new?" l asked him. He smiled, then turned serious. "A major car accident. There was a pregnant woman in it. Her fiance was to blame. He's okay, but she isn't. Don't you know this girl?" He pointed to a picture of an African American girl holding a cat with three legs. "Sure. That's Kila. l went to Burkhard Elementary with her." Dad nodded. "l thought she looked familiar." Girlfriend tried to sniff me. l sat down on the couch and pushed her nose away from my stomach. She persisted. l picked up a Doggie Root Beer and squeezed it. She sat down.     l took a good book that had to be read for English out. Dad went outside and brought everything in. Literally. "Tobias, grab some food and a book and go downstairs." l obeyed him. There was good weather for a tornado. When l got downstairs l settled on the couch. l eventually fell asleep reading. When l woke up l went upstairs and showered and brushed my teeth. "Good morning, son." Dad said. "You are not going to school today. You overslept. Mom's in a bad mood, so be careful." But Mom was not in a bad mood at all. She was wearing a collared buttoned empire waist khaki dress. l really liked it. So did Dad. "Sexy dress," he said. Mom tousled his hair. l nibbled the blueberry pancake. Mom felt my forehead. "Those are your favorite," she said. "l'm feeling chubby today." Partial truth. "l know the feeling," Dad said under his breath.    Later there was Michael's basketball game. Today we were going against our arch rivals, the Mountain Goats. l soon heard shouts of "Goats!!!" "Devils!!!". Nina leaned over. "This is a big game for Micheal, so be happy for him." she whispered. l saw Sophia not too far away. She was wearing jeans and a T-shirt that said Led Zeppelin. On her feet were cheetah flats. l really liked her green eye shadow. She had a giraffe purse close. She was also sipping coffee and talking to Billy. She saw me and smiled. l smiled back. "What's up?" l asked Nina. She looked at me. l pointed at Sophia. "They're boyfriend and girlfriend." Then time stopped completely. l saw a huge guy wider than he was tall trying to block Michael's shot. l looked at Logan. His hair was standing up. But that didn't matter. My heart was pounding, my breath was short, and my stomach kept flipping. Tears welled in my eyes. l heard a pretty female voice. "Tobias, are you okay?" "Yeah." A female handed me a tissue. l wiped my eyes with it. "Dude, are you sure you're okay?" A red haired male. The male and female looked at each other. l totally ignored them. At that time, l couldn't recognize anybody. Not Logan. Not Sophia. Not myself.      l saw Micheal and Nina afterwards. We had won the game, but l felt depressed. "Nina, l need to talk to you." Micheal said. He pulled her to a spot where nobody could eavesdrop. She smiled after he said something. She literally grinned from ear to ear. "Wow," Logan said. l knew what he meant.     `Later,there was a dance. Micheal had put on a flannel shirt and was dancing with Nina. I didn't dance, but l saw Sophia dancing. She was a fantastic dancer. She reminded me of a mixture between Lady Gaga and Abba. Her moves were not quite as sexy as Lady Gaga's, but still good.      My belly rolls seemed to have gotten bigger. This is impossible, l thought. When l stood up, my stomach hung over almost ten inches. l knocked on Tony's door. " Come in," he said. l walked in. Tony was lying on his stomach and watching wrestling. "Whassup Sqiurt?" "Have you ever felt that you can't be with a girl but you're chunky and a dork at the same time?" He cocked his head. "l've had dorks have crushes on me, but l've never felt too chubby or dorky enough not to be with a girl. Actually l can't remember the last time l've felt truly dorky. Why?" "Just wondering." l lied. Tony smirked. "Sit down. This black guy's really nailing this Puerto Rican guy." Tony wasn't kidding. He really was. He actually won the round. Tony reached into a big bag of salt and vinegar chips. Then he gulped down a can of Coca-Cola. His floor looked he hadn't vacuumed it in years. After the show Tony turned it to Criminal Minds. "Ooh, looks like a couple of guys got into a bloody chick fight." l totally agreed with him. "Where's Mom and Dad?" "Dad got a job at the Burger King on Gage. Mom took a client to a nice restaurant." That meant they'd both be gone for a while. My belly rumbled.     The next day l walked up to Nina. Nina has a locker that's pink on the inside. "Hey," she said without turning around. "I've got a bunch of news. Pop quiz in science and math both. Here's the answers to a homework thingy." The reason why she said "homework thingy" was because Mr. Reed was walking right by us. He glanced at us.  "Anyway, here's the answers." "Come on Nina. You know l don't cheat. Wait, how'd you know? And how did you get the answers?" Silly question. We have a professional hacker in our school. He or she calls himherself The Beauty. A lot of people think it's a girl because of the name. But the work is done so messily and carelessly that a girl couldn't possibly be the hacker. Nina raised her perfect eyebrows. Why didn't l see how brown and sparkley her eyes really are? "You need to loosen up, Mr.Levelheaded. And there's going to be a party at Maureen's place. About seven. Everyone's invited. Friday." "But l don't know where she lives." "West forty eight second street. Big pink Victorian house. Blue rosebushes. Good looking place. Think about it."       "Sounds like Nina wants you to go." Mom said. "And she is your friend." "But, Mom, Maureen is the most popular girl in school." "Speaking of popular girls, Mom, remember that Sara Nerdatron and Delilah Prettie are coming over." "Tony, that's not nice." "l'm serious Mom, that's their last names. Oh yeah, and Sandy Slut is coming over." "Tony!" Then the doorbell rang. l opened it. Three girls were standing there. There was a girl that reminded me of Maureen, a girl wearing slacks and a polo shirt, and a girl wearing provacative clothing. l could see that she had pasties under her shirt. Okay, l do not need to see that. l also knew that Mom would flip as soon as she saw her. "My name's Sandy Slut," the third girl said. She was wearing a tight tank top, a skirt four inches long, and gladiator high heels. She wore lots of blue and black eye shadow. She also had curly blond hair. All of them had blond hair. The girl that looked like Maureen could definitely be her sister. " l'm Sara Nerdatron." the second one said. l glanced at Tony. He gave Mom a smug smile. Mom rolled her eyes. "Okay, you were right." "Wow Tony. You have the cutest cousin." Sandy said. "He's my little brother." "Oh." "His name is Tobias." "Cool. What's it mean?" Tony looked at Mom. Mom shrugged. "We don't know." "So Tony, " Sandy said, inching forward. She played with Tony's bangs. "You want to go on a date." Tony flashed a big smile. And it was real. "l have a girlfriend. Spring Garcia." "Spring Garcia!" Sandy stepped back. She looked like she'd just seen an alien. Maureen number two smiled. "Spring Garcia is really sweet and funny. And she is so real. She was even real when that hot guy from New York came by." "l'll tell her you said that, Kelsy." l glanced at Mom. She looked at me. We were both surprised. Most of Tony's relationships never lasted as long as this. Had Tony found The One? Was he truly in love? l went upstairs. Thoughts of Sophia clouded my mind. l thought about it. l'd secretly been thinking about it for days. Get it over with, you chubby fool! l reached into my dresser drawer, pulled out a pocket knife l had gotten years ago, and slit my wrist. It was the first time. lt didn't hurt.      All l knew was that l loved Sophia, but she belonged to someone else. She belonged to my enemy. I need to work on my flirting anyway, l reminded myself. l'd ask Nina for help with that. l opened my locker, grabbed my math textbook and shut the locker. l turned around. Billy was standing right there with a big grin on his face. "l know your secret," he said. Then he drew back his fist. "Billy!" l turned around. My science teacher was right behind Billy with his arms folded. "You weren't going to hurt him, were you?" he asked. But of course he knew the answer. Billy knew that he knew. Mr. Reed knew that he knew he knew. And l knew that both of them knew. "Of course not!" Billy cried. "Strange, l've seen you hit him more than anything else." l walked toward the math wing. l heard Mr.Reed lecturing Billy.     After math l walked up to Maureen's locker. "Hey, are you coming to my party?" she asked. "l'm considering it." "Cool. What's up?" l felt butterflies in my belly. Maureen is the most popular girl l know other than my cousin Jasmine. "Uh... how do you impress a girl you're madly in love with?" Maureen smiled. "Does she have a boyfriend?" "Yes." "Then there's not much you can do. If you flirt boldly, you risk making him jealous. If you ask her out, unless she's a hooker, you risk making her anxious. The best thing to do right now is smile and be nice to her. Flirt subtly. Kind of like applying makeup. It can be tricky at first, but you get better the more you do it." She applied a little eyeshadow and walked off. l wrote down everything she said except the makeup part. But how do l flirt? l decided to talk to Tony. "Yo, little bro," he cooed as l climbed into his car. "Tony?" "Yo?" "How do you flirt?" He chattered about the 200 flirt lines he knows. "Mom and Dad are going to be late tonight, so l'll stop at Mickey D's." l didn't really want anything, but Tony ordered for me anyway. "Hey, l have to feed my little baby brother. He'll be hungry without food." He tousled my hair.      l let Girlfriend in. But it wasn't just her. A queensland heeler followed her. "That's Jazz." Tony said. "Mom had him checked for a microchip. Nothing. So she adopted him." "What does Dad think of him?" "He's like 'He's just there'. But Mom fell in love with him. She's schudeled an appointment with a local groomer. What do you think?" "l think he's brilliant." It was the truth. l loved him. l went upstairs and lay on my bed. l read a book. Thirty minutes later, l heard shouting. l put the book down and went downstairs. Mom sat at the dining room table. She turned toward me. "Tobias, sweetheart, go back upstairs and take Girlfriend and Jazz with you." l obeyed her. l heard more shouting and slamming. l went to bed around nine o' clock. The next day was grim. Tony and Dad didn't even look at each other. When Tony went to his room l decided to follow him. l don't know what possessed me to do so. He came out with a jacket. We ate breakfast. Tony drove me to school. l watched Sophia closely. She and Billy were definitely dating.       Okay, so l decided to go to Maureen's party. Maureen opened the door. " Hi Tobias! Glad you came." She smelled like fresh lavender, and looked beautiful. l loved the hot pink lipstick. "You look lovely." l managed to say. She beamed. "So l heard you got a new puppy." "Sort of. His name is Jazz." "So is he much trouble?" She batted her eyelashes. "He needs to be house trained." Ain't that the truth! My new cell phone rang. Mom had bought it the night before. l looked at it. Michael. 'Yo dude. Sup?' 'lm at Maureen's party.' 'Oh. Have fun.' "Whassup?" Maureen asked. "He wondered what l was doing." "That's cool. Hey, l need some help in science. Can l get your number?" "Sure." l love science and social sciences, and l wanted to get popular and skinny and impress Sophia. l soon saw this girl named Chloe. Chloe has long brown hair that she's always dying to match her current crush's hair. Today it was dirty blond, like my hair. She wore a purple low cut tank top and and miniskirt. She also wore high heels and was shaking her head and dancing wildly. She' s also kind of tall. Maureen sighed. "l don't know why l bothered. You really can't trust her. And Mum would have a heart attack if she met her." l nodded in agreement. Chloe is kind of crazy and inapproriate. l've seen her cuss multiple times. l know almost everyone cusses occasionly, even l've cussed a couple times, but Chloe is really bad. She cusses worse than a player. Her wannabes cheered and clapped. Don't ask me why she has wannabes. Players surrounded her. They were also cheering.    "Well if it isn't the neighborhood wimp!" Billy cried. He grabbed me. A pretty hand with perfect nails grasped his shoulder. It was Sophia. My mouth felt cottony, and my hands felt clammy. "Billy, not today. Not now. l'm so sorry Tobias and Maureen." "That's okay," Maureen told her. By eleven o' clock the party was in full swing. "Here you go." Samantha said, shoving beer in my face. Samantha is this girl that gossips constantly. She'd walked up to me and started gossiping. "l don't drink beer." "It's not beer. Some idiot brought beer, red wine, and champagne. Maureen's mom bought this just in case." l tasted it. It was apple juice. l watched people dance and drink. l was happy to see that Sophia had water and a lemon slice and pretended that it was tonic water. l saw a girl ask Maureen for beauty advice. She wasn't ugly, she was actually very beautiful, but she was one of those girls that are irked by pretty girls. l watched Maureen talk about health and beauty secrets. l wonder if she'll tell me how to get skinny, l wondered. She brought her up to her room to see her vanity. l also saw her cat. Mom hates litterboxes, so we've never had a cat. The one thing that makes up for it is that my aunt has a Siamese cat named Sama. It's pronounced Same-a. The party went on until six o'clock in the morning. By then people had either passed out or gone home. Nina, Micheal, Logan, Sophia and l helped Maureen clean up. She thanked us and her mom drove Nina and Sophia home. Micheal called his mom who drove him and Logan home. Maureen asked me to go into her room. She showed me the exercise and computer room. "Mum's room is private. But you can see my room." l asked her if she'd showed Nina and Sophia her room. She said they'd already seen it. Her room was twice the size of my room and had ten times more taste.    The walls were pink. Her vanity was big and had Hollywood lights. She had a Twilight poster of Jacob. Other posters included Britney Spears, Rihanna, and others like them. Her closet was huge and seemed to have everything. She even showed me her diary. " This entry says 'Jacob is dangerously cute. But he's a total trenchie.' This entry says 'My newest guy obsession are ones with blond hair and brown eyes.'" "Hmmm." Interesting. l have blond hair and brown eyes. l glanced at Maureen. She seemed so perfect, so intriguing. But l loved Sophia.     Mom drove me home. "You're quiet. Did something happen?" "Not really." Her eyebrows furrowed and she tried to feel my forehead. "I'm just thinking, Mom. Really." Mom looked back at the road. Then she brightened up. "You're old enough for a driver's learner's permit. Do you want to sign up? If Dad and l are busy, your aunt or Grandma or Tony can show you." "Sure." Mom smiled at Dad when we walked in. "He said yes." l scratched Jazz's ears. Girlfriend shoved him out of the way. "Be nice." l told her. She nipped at Jazz. Mom glanced at her. "l think she's getting a little jealous of Jazz." she said. l took Jazz into another room and petted him. Mom said he's really sweet and needs as much attention and love as we give Girlfriend. Unfortunately, Mom's thinking about a pug puppy named Lilian. We might get her, we might not. Dad doesn't care for pugs, he thinks they're good for nothing. Tony loves pugs, especially ones with six thousand wrinkles. He's encouraging Mom to get her.    While l was on the computer, l decied to make a page of information l knew about Sophia.     1. her sister is Nina  2. She's dating Billy.  3. Her favorite fruit is cherries.  4. Her family is almost as rich as Maureen's.  5. She loves handbags and shoes.    Okay, so l didn't know much. But that would change. l looked up flirt lines. l didn't find any that would be good or useful. l gazed at a girl that looked like Sophia. l had to practice flirting. l called Nina and told her what l was thinking. "Talk to Micheal. He knows someone that would be perfect. Oh yeah, l'm dating him." "That's cool." After our conversation was done l called Micheal and left a message. "Hey. What's up?" he asked. "l need someone to practice flirting with." He pondered for a moment. "Ruth Wets." My belly dropped to the floor. So Micheal was planning to hook me up with Ruth Wets. The ugliest and most repulsive girl in school. But l said sure. l hate you, l told myself. l kept cursing myself for thirty minutes after l hung up. Later, l had a date with a girl incredibly boring and unattractive.     Mom drove me to the mall. That's where the date was. "Hello,Tobias!" Ruth cried. "Uh, hi." She wrinkled her nose. "You're supposed to say hello, not hi. But let's talk about you." She grabbed my arm and dragged me to the food court. l ordered two hamburgers, coke, and water. "So. What's your favorite color?" "Blue." She dramatically tossed her multiple braids. Her glasses looked tight and uncomfortable. Her braces were baby blue. "What's your favorite food?" "Dunno." " What's your favorite girl?" l answered Sophia without thinking. "That hooker! Stealing my boyfriend! Unacceptable!" My stomach twisted. Boyfriend? "This is our first date." "Exactly!"    l left with an armload of regrets. l texted Micheal to ask him what to do. "Stay her boyfriend. I' ll figure out something." l knew he'd tell Nina. The next day, school wasn't bad. Sophia smiled at me. Billy kept glaring at me. He'd dramatically kiss Sophia. The only problem was, Ruth wouldn't leave me alone. Even if l was just getting a drink, she'd follow me. She even made a 'No kissing Tobias Zone.' l couldn't talk to Nina without her freaking out. "He's my boyfriend!" she yelled to any girl that walked by. She is so embarassing, l thought. l tried to go to class. The one class l have with her was science. Science is my favorite class. l tried to concentrate on what Mr.Reed was saying. l kept glancing at Ruth. She smiled at me. After science, Logan cornered me with a quizzical look. "What's up?" he asked. l sighed and told him everything. He just grinned and waggled his eyebrows. "Okay, easy. Say 'Ruth. You were just a practice victim. Nobody likes you. You're ugly and weird and jealous.' Quick and easy. She may kill you, but you won't have to deal with her." "I can't believe l've listened to you." l told him. Ruth kept being possessive. "Ruth, stay here. l need to talk to someone." l walked up to Nina, who was drinking Crystal Light water. "l need to get rid of her!" "Just tell her you don't like her." "HE'S MY BOYFRIEND! GET AWAY FROM HIM,BIG FAT PROSTITUTE!" "What did you call me?" Nina asked her. "You heard me." "Uh...Ruth?" "It's okay. You're mine forever." "That's not what l was talking about!" l told Ruth what l thought of her. "You're weird and annoying and ugly and you either smell or have too much perfume on, and l'm not your boyfriend!" l didn't see what happened next. l walked to P.E. Glen counted us off after the bell. "Glen?" It was Miss Ridda, the perky redheaded counselor. "Yeah?" l could see he was anxious. "Can l borrow Tobias please?" "Sure." "What's up?" l asked her in the hallway. "Ruth Wets wants to talk to you in private." Great. l should have known. When l got there, l ended up talking to Ruth about relationships. We ended on an okay note.     When l was driving home with Tony, l saw something new about his hair. "Your bangs are shorter." l told him."Yeah. Spring's dad is suspicious. Since he's your doctor and her dad, l wanted to make an impression. And her mom has a page filled with my physical flaws. My hair was at the top. l didn't get it cut, just trimmed. l don't think her parents like me one bit. Spring's naming all my physical and mental stuff her parents would like. So she's trying to get them to like me." l was surprised again. Tony had not hurt Spring yet. They were still together. "l'm keeping Spring. l'm in love." Tony said. He wiped a tear away."l've changed." he replied.    Dad looked at Tony when we got home. Tony ignored him. "Tony? l'm so sorry." "That doesn't change things." "l'm so sorry." Dad repeated. He went back to the newspaper he was reading. l let the dogs in and went upstairs. Tony and Girlfriend followed me, and Jazz followed Tony. Jazz is Mom's dog, but for some reason, he really likes Tony. Girlfriend was really upset. She bared her teeth and growled. You could tell she was definitely jealous of Jazz. l led her upstairs and read a book. l was feeling content until my phone rang. "Hello?" "Hello. Tobias Grass?" "Sophia?" l just knew it was her. "Yeah?" "How did you get my number? What's wrong?" "Maureen. And l just wanted to apologize about Billy." "He seems perfect for you." "Actually, he's neurotic and a little needy." "That's not good." "l also wanted to ask for advice. What should l do?" "l think you should do whatever your heart tells you to." "Thanks. Bye." "Bye. Yes! " l fell over on purpose. The girl of my dreams had just called me to apologize and for advice! l felt really excited.    My excitement continued through the next day. The biggest problem was Billy. He kept glaring at me.Who knew why? l felt happy until l got home. Tony whistled. There was sticky notes EVERYWHERE. The fridge, freezer, counter, table, desk, everything. l picked up a note. It said, 'Take silk skirt to dry cleaners.'. The menu was even worse. Mom puts whatever is for dinner on a chalkboard menu. Steak, pie, steamed asphargus, pork, bon bons, cooked carrots, and more. l felt my stomach flip. The only time Mom had a menu this big was when a client or somebody important was coming over. l know l haven't mentioned this before, but Mom is a high scale lawyer. She's even won a case for a Senator's daughter and wife before he got elected. Sometimes it's useful to have your mother as a lawyer. She's definitely smart and prepared. She's won millions of cases. Not hundreds, millions.     l couldn't believe it. Mom took the sticky notes down and wrote the memos down in her planner. "FFY." she said. That meant fend for yourself if you want dinner. Tony cooked macoroni and cheese for everybody. He's a really good cook and loves food, but can't even stand cooking premade pizza.      l wondered if l should become aneroxic. No, too stupid and dangerous. "l need to pick up Spring." Tony said. "l promised her a movie." "Which one?" Mom asked. "The one with the four chicks. l know it's a chick flick, but Spring loves chick flicks." "Oh." Tony grabbed his wallet and debit card and walked out. l noticed a brunette girl walk toward the porch. She rang the doorbell. l answered it. She smiled at me. She was very pretty, long eyelashes, a perfect nose, and plump lips. Wow. She looks like Sophia. "Does your mom or sister need makeup? At Kelly's beauty store we try to bring out the prettiest of women." "l don't need makeup, thank you." Mom said. The brunette pushed past me. "But ma'am, do you really think you look like a model?" Mom turned red. Not embarassment, but anger. Unfortunately, the press arrived at that moment. "Your makeup gives me hives, anyway." "But look at those eyebrows! Ew! And what's that on your face? A mole?" "Get out before l call the police." The brunette walked out with the camera behind her. Dad walked in. "What happened?" he asked. Mom told him everything. Dad smiled. "Your eyebrows are perfect. And your mole is what makes you so beautiful. Anne?" "Joseph." "Anne." "Joseph." l don't mind it when others show affection, but with my parents it gets really sappy. Thinking of Sophia, l listened to the slow version of 'Every time we touch' by Cascada.    My love for her was so powerful... she was a heart throbber, not just a crush. l wanted to hold her... kiss her, love her, protect her. Jazz suddenly waltzed in, breaking my fantasy. l realized l was on my bed with my hands folded over my gut. My body felt really stiff. Jazz picked up a toy monkey and squeezed it. l showered and got ready to go to bed. l realized my jeans were getting tighter. l tried on all of them and put the too small ones in an extra cardboard box. If l ever get rid of this gut,l'll finally be skinny and if l'm skinny Sophia will love me and if Sophia loves me l'll be popular. l thought. The plan made sense. l wrote it down on my Lifelong List of Things To Do. l'd made the list in seventh grade. lt was basic stuff. Be rich, get a Corvette, get an Oldsmobile, get a hot wife, stuff like that. For the wife, l figured brown, blond, or redhead. Or black. l currently wanted Sophia. Sweet, flirty, smart, beautiful. My last crush was a blond. l thought about asking her out, then l figured out she's a ditzy airhead. l personally don't like those kinds of girls. Perky,yes. Airhead, no. Confident, yes. Selfish, no. But everyone needs to be slightly selfish but still indulge in good karma. That's the problem with the world today. l went to sleep without any more problems.      My alarm beeped. l slapped it hard. l heard a knock at the door. "Yeah?" "Tobias, you don't have school today. In service." Dad said. He closed my door. l woke up an hour later. l put on loose jeans and a black t-shirt. l brushed my teeth and combed my long dishwater blond hair. Mom was making omelets and bacon. She was singing. "l won another case." she announced. "That's good." Dad said, looking at the newspaper. "Who died?" Tony asked, coming downstairs without a shirt on. "Nnnoobboooooooddyy!" Mom sang. "A woman tried to sue a man who got her daughter drunk with Rohypnol, a date rape drug,did it with her, and stole her identity,jewelry,money, checkbook and credit card, but she was having some trouble with the proof. l had the girl tested and she was positive for the drug, the beer,vodka, wine, and lice. The guy was ordered to give the girl her stuff back, pay off the debt racked up on her credit card, pay to have the lice removed, pay for the hospital bill, pay for recovery and therapy, and do three months worth of community service. The judge did not take it too kindly that a teenage girl could have gotten hurt or worse. She was hard on the guy. She made him feel remorse for what he did. But l kind of feel sorry for him because his daughter was being bullied by a more popular but not very nice girl,and the girl who got hurt was in her group. But the judge told him 'If you can't be civil and teach your daughter the right way to handle these bullies, move to another planet.' I believe she deserved some punishment for being so mean to the other girl, but no one should go what she went through. Her friend's words were 'Girl, you need shopping and pampering days until you be yourself again.' She'd even bought her a new pedicure set, foot spray, foot powder, foot cream, and Smooth Away." "What's Smooth Away?" Tony asked. Mom just beamed. "With Smooth Away, l'll never shave or wax again. l'll save thousands!" We ate breakfast while Mom bubbled on about Jazz's visit to the vet. Negative for everything. "He needs to gain some weight,but other than that, he's perfect. He is exactly one year older than Girlfriend." Mom smiled at me."And she's doing fine too. And the pregnancy...what pregnancy? A simple pregnancy scare." l felt relief wash over me. We all looked at the dogs. Girlfriend was chewing on a rawhide bone and Jazz was cleaning her ears.    After breakfast we watched our favorite family movie, The Ultimate Test. It was about an alien who disguised himself as a human. His race wanted to know more about Earth before they blew the planet up. But the alien fell in love with a cute redheaded girl and changed his mind. He even wrote her a love song. She eventually found out who he was and left in the middle of a date. She even warned the FBI. They questioned the alien and figured out she wasn't joking. They erased her memory of it and ordered the alien to stop the attack. He did, but he also ended up heartbroken. He said that she showed him what love is like. Area 51 kept a copy of the incident. Unfortunately, the press wouldn't leave them alone. So what happens? They put it on YouTube.    Tony grabbed his keys. "Toby, want to come with me?" "Where're you going?" "Mall. Spring's birthday is coming up and l want to get her something cool." "Sure." We climbed into his car. l brought my laptop in case of a traffic jam.We got there without problems. Tony walked into Beautiful Body right away. He came out with a couple Olay face cleansers and a body scrub from Jergens. But he still thought he should get more. He walked into Clinique's and bought a gold headband and a black purse with a cheetah heart. He also bought a zebra purse with pink trim. "l got carried away," he admitted."Maybe l should be the next best fashion designer!"     We heard a loud "l love you." coming from something that wasn't human at all. "Good giiirrrlll!" Mom exclaimed. Dad saw us. "Your mother is convinced she'll make millions by teaching the dogs to talk." "Not a bad idea if you post it on the internet." Tony said. Dad shrugged. "Can't argue with that."    l eventually decided to take Jazz and Girlfriend for a walk. By the time l walked one block, my entire body felt totally numb. l took a sip of water. l walked five blocks. When l got home, l showered and ate lunch. lt was crab. Mom's crab is really tasty. She serves it whole, with olive oil drizzled inside the shell.My stomach felt heavier than it usually does after lunch. "Okay Mr. Popular, where are you going?" Mom asked Tony. "Hang out with a friend." "What are you doing with that box?" Tony had a small box in his hand. He held up his hands. "Okay, you've caught me. My friend has a smoking problem." "But you're sixteen! You're too young to smoke!" "But Chad is eighteen; he's old enough to smoke, he's just addicted." "Oh. Have fun! Be safe!" "God, you're such a worrywart." Tony mumbled under his breath. "Tobias! NUMB3ERS is on!" Dad called. l watched it with him while Mom cooked chili.     l felt my body collapse on my bed. l was so tired. l wanted to take a nap, but every time l do, l sleep for three hours. l sipped water and looked at my floor. A pair of boxers and two pairs of jeans. l tossed them into the laundry hamper. My stomach growled. l just ate. You should be full. l reminded it. It ignored my thoughts. l ate a granola bar. l felt much better. I read a book about the boy with the problems. Asthma, diabetes, stuff like that. l felt so sorry for him. He was only my age, but he was so upset. The boy never died, like the doctors predicted, but his diabetes was somehow cured. He thought it was the third shot of a pint of insulin. Maybe he was right. But the doctors didn't believe him and tried to put him in therapy. Then they figured out he was right and got themselves arrested because they tried to experiment on him. He went through therapy and slowly recovered.    Have you seen a movie where two guys fight over a girl? l felt like l'd come in last over Sophia. My heart fluttered, my head felt dizzy, and my stomach lurched every time l pictured her beautiful face. l wanted to hold her body, gaze at her curves, kiss her...but l couldn't while she was with Billy. My hands sweated as l gazed an old picture of her in my last elementary school yearbook. Her features...her eyes...mouth...nose...hair...chin...everything on her was perfect. l planted a gentle kiss on the picture. l looked at a seventh grade picture of her. She was going to be mine soon. Her peachy, pale, glowing skin, sparkling brown eyes, shiny,soft hair, beautiful hands, rosyish lips...wide hips...legs to hold...all that was going to be mine. But my worst enemy owned her. l noticed that my picture was next to hers. l believed that picture was meant to be there.    l looked for Tony after that. l found him changing his oil. "Hey, pipsqueak," he said. His face had dirt and oil on it. "You're going to get a pimple." l told him. He shrugged. "l can always pop it. l have some face wash from Axe. Or l can borrow Mom's extra makeup and look like an obnoxious idiot." "You are obnoxious." "True. But l still get straight A's, get plenty of girls, have twenty carloads of buddies, and have ten carloads of rivals and enemies." He was right about that. Just then, one of his old rivals from football drove by. He shouted a lot of good words at Tony and threw an old firecracker that sounds like a gun at him. Tony stood in front of me to protect me. Dad ran out after the thing went off. "Boys! Are you okay?" "Yeah, we're fine." Tony said. Dad went inside to tell Mom. Tony went inside to shower, and l brushed Jazz. He liked it when l scratched his belly. When Tony came out and sat beside me, Jazz hopped onto his lap. "Hey, boy. At least you still like me." Tony said. Dad glanced at him with a hurt look in his eyes. "Tony? l'm so sorry. Please talk to me." "He needs a little more time, lover." Mom told him. "Dad broke my trust completely." Tony said softly. Dad went upstairs. After a minute,we heard soft crying. Dad's heart is really broken. l realized. "Tony, why don't you just forgive him?" Mom asked. "I've already talked to him and he feels horrible." "He's being sensitive. He doesn't care. If he really loved me... " "It's because he loves you. He's trying to apologize because he loves you." "He freakin abused me! He hit me!" "Son, he's in therapy." "I don't care. l wish he wasn't my dad. l wish he was never born!" "Tony!" "He's right, Anna." Dad said. Tony just grabbed a videogame, book, magazine, Spring's gifts, and a roll of wrapping paper with cats all over it. "l'm going to Zee's." he muttered. He grabbed his wallet and keys and left.    "Sorry you had to see that, Tobias." "That's okay." l headed upstairs. "This is all my fault. l shouldn't have hurt him. If l could go back now, l would." Dad said. "He needs time to calm down. He'll come back in a few hours." Mom told him. Actually Tony came back in exactly seven minutes. l was brushing Girlfriend while she tried to play with Jazz. Dad was frying rice and carrots. "Dad?" Dad turned around. "Tony." "l'm so sorry!" Tony wrapped his arms around Dad and broke down. "l'm so sorry. l'm so sorry. l'm so..." "Shhh. Calm down, son. l'm sorry too." Mom was at the foot of the stairs. She smiled and wiped a tear away. But Tony was still sobbing. Dad tried to calm him down. "l'm to blame for this." Tony whispered."l'm such a..." "Don't say it. This is not your fault, Tony. Don't ever say you're to blame for this." Dad told him. "l'm in therapy. l'll find a job." When they stopped hugging, l noticed Tony's eyes were red, as if he'd put bleach in them.(Ouch!) "l wish l was never born." "Don't ever say that,Tony." "But l said..." "l know what you said."    Logan and l had been paired up for a history assignment. l love Logan,but he's such a slacker. He just studied my room as l tried to finish the details for the poster l'd been making. "What if l got all the credit for your work? Would you be ticked off?" "Heck yeah." He chuckled."Why is your room so clean?" he asked. "Because l'm a nerd and l like it that way." l told him. " Where's your dad?" "Job interview." "Oh." Where's your brother?" "He's with his girlfriend and a bunch of friends." "Now l'm back." Tony said. "We almost got kicked out for the day. My friend kept hooting at every hot girl that passed, even if she was with her boyfriend or sister or friend. He accidentally hooted at a blond teenage mom. Her brother almost lost his temper." Logan just shrugged. "Was was she a ten?" "Lookwise. But being a teenage mom, that brought her down a few. Her boyfriend was also there. He looked just like you, Logan. Red hair and everything. But boy, was he pissed. He told me that his son did not need to hear his mom being yelled at. Spring was really embarassed. l thought l was going to lose her. Then l promised her that l would not hang out with her and Zack in the same building except school or home ever again." l finished the assignment. "Spring and Sophia. Sophia and Spring." Logan said. He grinned at me. "Do you know Sophia, Nina's sister? Tobias? You should totally ask her out." My stomach dropped. "Uh, why?" "Because Maureen is telling the universe about how you two would be perfect for each other." "Really?" "Yeah. Will you?" l looked at Tony. He grinned. "l'll bet you fifty bucks she's hot." he offered. "Oh man. She's gorgeous. An eleven. A twenty, on a scale of one to ten. She deserves a thousand bucks." Logan told him. "Then l'll bet you Tobias doesn't ask her out at all this year." Tony said. Logan agreed, and they shook on it. But their bet broke my heart. l love Sophia, l love Logan, l love Tony.    I looked around the next day. School hadn't even begun yet. Cliques gossiped. Flirty people flirted. Boyfriends and girlfriends kissed. Nerds prepared to go to class. Maureen and Nina were talking. Michael and Logan argued about who's better, KU or Giants. Billy and Sophia were kissing. I suddenly heard a loud shout. It was Ruth. "NO! I'll shave my armpits and legs and brush my hair and teeth when Tobias Shane Grass loves me again!" A boy named Seth looked at me with a question in his eyes. He casually ran his hand over his long blond hair and walked up to me."Sup?" he asked. l told him everything. He nodded."Big mistake, dude. l've dated her before. She won't leave you alone until someone else asks her on a date. Which will be in six million years." He walked away to tell his girlfriend. Chloe walked up to me."What's wrong? Girlfriend upset?" She put her hand on my chest. "Listen, I've got to go. l promised somebody l'd help her with something." l told her. Chloe wrinkled her nose. "Her?" she asked. "Yeah." l don't know why, but as soon as Billy walked up to another girl, l approached Sophia. "Hi.What's up Tobias?" she said. l gazed into her piercing brown eyes for a second. l wanted to feel her brown hair, kiss her plump lips. "l...uh...what would you do if you had two guys chasing you but you didn't like either one of them and was in love with someone else but he has a girlfriend?" She pressed her lips together. "If the guy l'm in love with has a girlfriend, l'd either find somebody else or wait until they break up. The longest teenage relationship l know of was with my brother and his current girlfriend. They've been together for three years. As for the other one, l'd tell him l'm not interested." "You have a brother?" l asked her. "Yeah. l thought Nina told you that. But l think l know why not. He's really talkative and embarassing." "Thanks for the tip." l told her. She grinned. "You're welcome. Since you asked me for help l'll ask you for help. What should you do if you're unsure about the current boyfriend?" Jackpot! "You should do whatever your heart tells you to." l told her. "Thanks." she said. l glanced at the clock. Five more minutes. Sophia and l talked about our lives. My new dog. Her bata fish. Girlfriend's pregnancy scare. Nina's cat. l glanced at Ruth a couple of times. She was glaring at Sophia. "She's just mad because l'm talking to you." l told her. "l heard you're dating her." Sophia told me. l smirked. l told her the truth. "l'm not dating her. That was one time. l'd rather date an airhead." Now l knew a little more about Sophia. Perfect.     Ruth kept glaring at Sophia. l felt horrible. l'd brought this on her. l felt ugly and fat. "Tobias, is something wrong?" Mr. Reed's question interrupted my thoughts. His hazel eyes looked worried through his glasses. "Yeah, l'm fine." l told him. He straightened up and walked on. After science l saw him whispering in Mr. Kurl's ear. Mr.Kurl glanced at me then nodded and said something back. l overheard Mr. Johnson talking to Glen about me. "Mr. Reed is worried about Tobias. He's not himself lately. He's quieter and hasn't answered any question in more than a week. l saw him talking to Chloe then Sophia this morning. It was clear he did not want Chloe near him but was fine with Sophia. His math grade dropped a few points. Not a whole letter grade, but enough to affect him. Mr. Kurl said he hasn't read one sentence since they read a story about a young man who nearly died of cancer. He's worried that that story scared him. l don't think he's scared, it's something deeper." l walked out of the locker room with my water bottle in hand. Glen took roll. "l just want all of you to know that if there's something wrong you can always tell me." he said, and looked right at me when he said "tell me." l sweated like l was running for my life five minutes later. My hair would not stay out of my face, my stomach jiggled, and l hate running. The song was good at least. After l'd run a mile l collapsed on the floor. "Tobias, are you okay?" Mr. Crow asked, standing over me. "l...don't...know..." l breathed. He nodded. "Quick tip. And this applies to anyone who's listening!" he called. Several people stopped. "Don't over extend yourself. Go to your limit. Don't go any farther. That's the secret to a great workout."     In history, we watched Mary Poppins. We'd already watched three Shirley Temple movies. "What's the similarity?" Mr. Reed asked. l raised my hand. My history teacher looked a little surprised. "Tobias?" "There's children in both movies." "He's right, there's children in both movies. What else?" Other people named every single similarity. The bell rang. "Uh...Tobias, l need to talk to you." Mr. Reed said. l walked up to him. "What's up?" "I've been talking to your other teachers, including my brother." He moved a lock of his wild curly hair out of his face. "It seems you haven't been yourself lately. Is something going on? You haven't answered any of my questions for three weeks until today. Apparently that's happened in other classes. Are you hurting? Are your friends still nice to you? Mr.Johnson said he saw you talking to Ruth Wets in a mall where his sister's boyfriend works. He also saw you talking to Chloe Keen and Sophia Martinez. We're worried about you Tobias. We really are. You're one of my personal favorite students. You're smart, hardworking, and quiet. Please tell me if anything's wrong." He tried keep a straight face, but his eyes were big and pleading. l sighed. "You'll be the first person l tell when and if l'm ready." l told him.       After school l saw Sophia sitting by herself. "Hey." She turned around. "Hi." "Are you lonely?" "Not really. Nina had to help with something." l noticed she was wearing a white tank top, shorts, and skateboarding sneakers. Somebody turned a radio on. "Are you two helping?" That was the principal. Sophia said sure, and l found myself cleaning a hall somebody pelted with lunch meat with Sophia, and listening to "Pocketful of Sunshine". Sophia spent some of the extra time organizing her locker with my help. l didn't even see Tony until we finished. "Thanks for helping," Sophia said. Without warning, she gave me a kiss on my cheek. "That's for helping and being a good friend." she said. Behind her, Billy gritted his teeth.     "Who was that?" Tony asked. "My best friend's sister." "Oh. She like you?" "As a friend." We were listening to "If I Had You" by Adam Lambert. Tony cranked up the volume. "This is for you, Spring." he said. l noticed that he had a picture of Spring in his wallet, car, and a big one in his room. Her dark hair certainly complemented Tony's long blond hair. But does brown complement blond? Will she ever be mine? "A girl kissed Tobias." Tony loudly announced. "Oh Tobias, that's wonderful! What did she look like?" Mom asked. "He said she's Nina's sister. She had long brown hair, brown eyes, a narrowish wideish nose, plump lips, perfect ears, hoop earrings, and she was wearing a tank top, mini-shorts that covered a great butt and a little leg and skateboarding sneakers. And she had a giraffe purse." Tony said. "She sounds attractive." Dad said without looking up. "Oh yeah, she was hot. On a scale of one to ten, she's an eleven." He looked at me."You're red, bubby. You know, you should ask her out." My parents looked at me. l told the truth. "l probably would, but she has a boyfriend." l told them. "Who?" Tony asked. "Did you see the guy behind her?" "The redheaded one, blond one or the one wearing a leather jacket?" "Leather jacket." "Yeah. Is it him?" "Yeah." "What did he look like?" Dad asked. Tony described Billy, right down to his nails.    l kept seeing things. Like, green spots on the ceiling. Yellow spots on Jazz's stomach. Red spots in Mom's hair. Blue spots on Dad's shirt. Purple spots on Tony's chest. l decided to call it coloration hallucination. l did my homework, and stared at the ceiling in my bedroom. "Toby?" It was my brother. "Toby, l...why are you staring at my chest?" "Uh..." "Anyway, Spring and l want to go have dinner and see another movie. Want to tag along? She has to bring her ten year old sister." "Sure." l had nothing better to do. Besides, l like Spring. And ten year olds can be a handful.    Dinner was good. Medium-well steak with potato wedges. Spring's sister batted her eyelashes at me. The movie was even better. It was about a girl who asked a popular girl to give her a makeover and get her cooler friends and a boyfriend. The only problem was a boyfriend. The unpopular girl was needy and jealous. Guys couldn't even look at their own sister or cousin. A guy asked her out eventually. "Pocketful of Sunshine" and "If l Had You" at the end    I felt stressed. l kept thinking She loves me, she loves me not, she loves me. l kept seeing colors. l talked to Dad about the colors. He just said adolescence was the cause. "Do you know where Tony is? l need to ask him a question." "l think he's upstairs, son." l went upstairs. "Tony?" l asked, walking in his room. "l'm taking a nap. Spring and her best friend got into a fight about me." What Tony did not know was that Mom was eavesdropping around the corner. "Victoria called me a chubby player. Victoria Wets." My heart skipped three beats. "Victoria Wets? That's Ruth Wets sister! Ruth Wets is crazy about me and wants to be my girlfriend." "Why don't you date her?" Tony asked. "Because she's weird and ugly and talks too much and..." l told Tony all of Ruth's issues. "Bullshiz. Bullshiz. No wonder Victoria's crazy." "Careful of the language." Dad said as he walked past. Tony rolled his eyes. He was lying on his back with his fingers laced over his belly. "Sup, alec?" Alec is Spanish for "little brother". Or at least it's close enough. "l was wondering if you've ever been in love." "l'm in love right now.True love." He moved a piece of hair out of his eyes. "l really want to impress Spring's family and make her ex jealous. But her family doesn't like me." He sat up. "Why doesn't Mom call her parents and invite them for dinner?" Mom bounced into the room."Tony, that's a wonderful idea! l'll cook and convince them you helped. l know how much you hate cooking." "Actually, l think l'll help." Tony said. Jazz and Girlfriend barked. "They agree." Mom said, bending down to scratch Girlfriend. "Tobias? Why don't you invite Nina and her sister?" Mom asked. "Okay. l'll text her right now. When is it?" "Saturday's best." l texted Nina. 'Cool.See u then.Sophia said she'd go.' Nina texted back.     School went by fast. l sat on the bench. l was wearing a button down shirt tucked under my belly. l also sprayed extra cologne on. l wanted to look good for Sophia. "Wait until Chloe,Ruth, and your crush see you. You look amazing." Nina had told me earlier. Sophia even blushed a little every time we saw each other. Her crimson cheeks turned me on. "Hey dude." l turned around. Logan. He stopped and looked me up and down. He rubbed his eyes. "Is it me or are you a flirt?" he teased. Micheal was beside him. "Tobias, you look hot. Like, super amazing." He sat down beside me. His eyes were red. "Have you been crying, Mr. Popular?" l asked him. He rubbed his eye. "It's nothing." He turned red. "Please don't tell Nina! l don't want to hurt her. l love her." "What do you mean?" l asked him. "I was so caught up in lust. l didn't want to." Suddenly, l knew what he'd done. "Micheal, who was it? Why'd you do it? I can't keep this a secret." "Neither can l." That was Sophia. Micheal hopped up. "Sophia! Don't tell her!" "She's my sister. l love her even though she grinds my nerves sometimes." "What if it was switched? Would you want Nina to tell you Billy cheated on you?" Score. Micheal had won that round. Sophia chewed on some hair. The bad news is, a big gossiper and her boyfriend were close by. They watched us closely. "Okay. l won't tell her." "Hey, baby." My rival held my love close. They kissed. "I don't think I can stand losing Nina. l'll kill myself." Micheal said. "That's a little graphic." l told him. "She's Psyche, and l'm Cupid." he said. Micheal's family is half Greek. "Except she's not psycho. l feel so bad." Just then, his dad pulled up. "Son, what do you feel bad about?" He had a Greek accent, and is a little stocky. His hair is jet black, and his eyes are big and brown. You can tell he's Micheal's dad in a heartbeat. "l'll tell you in the car, Dad." Micheal said. He and Logan shook hands, then l shook with him. "Please don't tell her." he whispered. He got into his dad's car and they drove off.     "l wonder who it was. Probably a slut or confused chick desperate for a boyfriend." Logan said. l agreed with him. Our school is very cliqued. Tony drove me home again. "Sup, little bubby?" he asked."What do you mean?" l asked him. "l can tell if something's wrong with my own brother. Better than Mom and Dad can. l love you, Tobias. You can always call or text me or talk to me. And if you tell anyone l said this, l'll kill you." His words touched me so much l had to write it down. "l love you too, Tony. The same thing applies to you." He choked up and moved closer to me. l told him everything Micheal had said. "Who can l tell?" he asked. "No one." "Can l tell Spring?" "As you swear her to secrecy."    Arguing could be heard from the foyer. "I'm telling you, Anne Rachel Grass! I don't care! Even if l did, would l keep this a secret from my boys?" "They are our SONS!" "l don't care!" l followed my brother upstairs. "l've never seen them fight that bad." Tony said. He brought out a stethoscope from his old spying and lock picking kit, and put it against the wall in his room. He brought the rest of the kit in his room. "l can't believe Mom never threw this out." he said. She threatened to throw it out after he heard them in the bedroom. l followed him. He gave me another stethoscope, but l decided l didn't want it. l heard more shouting and barking. Eventually l heard a door slam.     When l went downstairs after an hour of messing around on my laptop. Dad was drinking red wine and watching a romantic movie. His eyes were as red as the wine. "Where's Mom?" l asked. He didn't look at me. "She's at a hotel. I'm sorry you and Tony heard that, Tobias." A door opened. It was Mom. Her eyes were also red. She hugged me and Dad. "I'm so sorry." she whispered. When she saw Tony she hugged him."I'm so sorry." she repeated. Tony and l went upstairs. We listened through the stethoscopes. "I'm so sorry Anne. You want what's best for them and l threw the rug right out from under them. They are my sons. l can't believe l said that about them." "I'm sorry too, Joseph. l want them to know we'll be fine. You tried, Joseph." Soft crying. Dad trying to calm Mom down. Kissing and sucking. Taking clothes off and shutting blinds.    l cuddled with Girlfriend on my bed.l thought about what l needed. Sophia, a skinny belly, Billy leaving me alone. The skinny belly l could get on my own. Sophia needs to love me back.Billy needs to leave me alone, but also leave Sophia alone.     My stomach started to growl after a while. l glanced at the clock on my desk. It wasn't even time to feed Girlfriend and Jazz yet. l went onto a chat log.      Redboy: Hi  Hotcheer: Hey Redboy sup? u like red?  Redboy: kinda my favorite color is brown  Hotcheer: why brown?  Redboy: my crush's eyes and hair  Hotcheer: oh that's so sweet!!! ;) good luck  Redboy: thanx    l pulled up a picture of Hotcheer. She did the same. She had black hair, plump lips, pale skin, and full eyelashes. She lived up to her online name. She pulled up a picture of me.    Hotcheer: hey ur good looking luv the shirt  Redboy: thanx    l wondered why anyone would call me good looking. Suddenly a picture of Sophia went up. Her eyes went wide. All three of us stared at each other for a minute.    Cherriesandpepsi: tobias!!!!!!!!  Redboy: sophia   Hotcheer: whats goin on?  Cherriesandpepsi: hes my sisters bff  Redboy: bff?  Cherriesandpepsi: best friend forever  Redboy: o :  Hotcheer: tobias is my boyfriends name.!!.  Cherriesandpepsi: cool  Hotcheer: im loggin off  Redboy: k  Cherriesandpepsi: k    Sophia switched to video log. l did the same. "I'm excited." Sophia said. "Yeah, l am too." "TOBIAS! Dinner!" Dad called. "Listen. l've got to go. See you tomorrow." "Okay. Bye." We logged off.    We ate pork and cooked carrots. The pork was better than the carrots. l looked at the calender. "Mom, when is Girlfriend's next vet appointment?" l asked. "Next Saturday. She needs her shots and teeth cleaned." Mom answered. l heard the song 'Battlefield' by Jordin Sparks on the radio. Great song. l showered and put on fresh boxers and a tight shirt. l didn't feel good, so l wanted to lie down. l laid down on my bed and started to watch a movie. l heard a knock at the door. "Come in." l said. Dad walked in. "Son, we're watching The Ultimate Test. You look hot." He felt my forehead. "Anne!" he called. Mom rushed in. She took my temperature. She gasped. "One hundred and four degrees! Joseph, get him some juice or water. He needs a cool drink." Dad walked out. Mom looked directly at me. "Tobias, tell me the truth. Do you have a bellyache or headache?" "Bellyache. Both, actually. My belly feels worse than my head, but they both hurt a lot." Dad came back with orange juice. "Why is Tobias hogging the attention?" my brother asked, coming in. "He has a fever,Tony." Dad told him. "Do you want privacy, Tobias?" Mom asked, setting aspirin on my nightstand. "Yeah." My family left and Dad closed the door. l began to feel better an hour later. The movie was over. l decided l didn't like it. It was Tony's anyway. l read the newspaper. A new Nazarene Church, a skeleton and evidence of ghosts found in an abandoned warehouse. l do believe in ghosts. A Senator broke her leg, a story about a link to Alzheimer's.    Not much else. l read the school newspaper. A boy who hands out socks and shoes and backpacks at a homeless shelter. That was the only thing that wasn't boring. l read one of Dad's old magazines. Sex and woman tips. A workout that was supposed to help you lose fifteen pounds in one week. But that's not possible. Money tips. l have over one hundred dollars in my wallet. A gorgeous new car.     My body was in pain. One of Nelly Furtado's songs played. l suppose l fell asleep, because Dad was shaking me. "Tobias, son, wake up." He felt my forehead. He shivered a little. "Never mind." he said. Then he closed the door.l heard him talking to Mom. "Anne, he's still sick. He's burning up. l think he'll have to stay home again. He's...l'm worried about him." l realized l felt even worse. My entire body hurt so much. l heard Dad talking to himself. "First month's weight loss goal: fifteen pounds." Dad was going on a diet. l was feeling so tired, so in pain.     l heard Dad again. "Tobias! Tobias, wake up. Wake up, son." "What's going on? Dad, why am l in a hospital bed?" "Son, you fell asleep. You were sleepwalking. At first you were moving furniture, then you walked outside and got hit by a truck. Mom will be here soon with Tony. Tobias, you're lucky to be alive. You had some bleeding in your stomach and leg, but they fixed it. Son, you also passed out and got a concussion. Please don't be mad at the next person who wakes you up." The TV was on. l watched a movie with my father until lunch. By then, Mom and Tony were three hours late. "l'll call them." Dad said. He went into a hallway.    When l woke up again Tony was sitting beside me. "Good news, little bubby. You can go home." l went home with a bruise on my back and my left leg in a cast. l was going to stay home for a few days. When school was over, l texted Micheal, Nina, and Logan. 'OMG! i hope ur ok Sophia says hi and she thinks ur hot' I stared at Nina's text for a long time. Sophia. Thought. I. Was..... Hot. l loved her so much. She thought l was hot. But she was with Billy. 'Tell her i said hi.' "Do you like her?" Tony asked, reading the texts. "Yeah. I like Nina's sister a lot." l said without thinking. He grinned and waggled his eyebrows. "Tell her you like her." "Sophia or Nina?" l asked as if it wasn't obvious. "Both." "OH TOBIAS!" I turned around and came face to face with Mom. She had tears in her eyes. "Say you need her number for a project or survey or something. When she answers your call a few days later tell her how you feel. Make sure you buy her favorite flowers on your first date. A little chocolate would also help unless she hates it or is allergic to it." Mom was talking so fast she had to catch her breath. Mom was dangerously excited. She cocked her head. "What happened to Ruth?" "She wasn't my type." l told her. So l texted Nina and she gave me her sister's number. l texted Micheal and Logan after Nina. Micheal never responded, and Logan just said 'Wow.i feel sorrow 4 u'.    So l spent a few days at home with Dad. All l did was watch TV, read books, get fatter, and sleep. l tried doing ab exercises, but most of them involved both my legs, and doing exercises like the mason twist was hard, so l just stretched. l texted Nina,Micheal, and Logan. l felt like l was getting more heavy than l actually was. l dreamed about kissing and loving on Sophia. One day l was so happy and blind l didn't realize l was on the floor until Jazz sat on top of my face. Tony had to capture that on videocamera and digital camera. Before l knew it, it was already online. "Ahhhhhh, this ruins my life." l moaned. "Don't be Mr. Dramaqueen. You'll be fine." Mom said. "l had to endure pictures of me and my boyfriend in bed back then. It was embarassing, and we never talked for weeks." "Luckily your mother was the prettiest girl in school. She wasn't the most popular, but she hung out with them ninety percent of the time. Even Phoebe couldn't beat her. Pheobe was the most popular girl, but your mother was the prettiest." Dad said. Dad acts weird and mentions other women when Mom talks about or to another man. l pictured Mom in a cute sweater with popular girls sitting on a good car. Maybe with big curly hair and tacky glasses, even though she does't wear them and her hair is naturally straight. My mother is one of those people who looks great in everything even if it's as ugly as sin. She literally looks fantastic in everything she puts on.    l wanted to kiss Sophia. Of course. I've kissed only one girl before, but she liked me, l didn't like her at all. Yes, it was Chloe. Major ouch. She hated me for a while after l said "l wouldn't date you if my life depended on it." But l got into a fight with my ex-best friend, Jake. He'd asked my crush out even though he knew l liked her. Her name was Rogue. She had wavy red hair and small violet eyes.The most beautiful girl anyone's ever seen. Hallways either stopped or slowed every time she walked into one. Everyone wanted to either date or be friends with her. Jake and Rogue both go to another school. l'd bet over one hundred dollars they broke up.     Speaking of Jake, Mom called me into the kitchen. l figured it might be a friend. l sat down at the dining table. "Hello?" "Tobias Shane Grass? lt's Jake." My heart stopped. "Listen, l'm so sorry about Rogue. l know it was over a year ago, Rogue broke up with me last week. Said she found somebody else. Some male model with buffed abs. He's older than her by two years. He promised me he would protect her and won't break her heart. Accept my apology?" he said."Sure." We ended on a good note.     l felt so stressed and out of shape. l wished l was skinnier. Much skinnier.    At school the next day, Micheal stopped me by my locker. "Are you okay, dude?" "Yeah." "Logan and Nina are worried about you. So are my parents. Dad wanted to give your family some food." "Why? We're fine." "Yeah, but he said your family might be too upset to cook. He has it in his head that someone died." "No one died." "Yeah, that's what l've been trying to tell him. He probably gave your mom or dad some sort of cakey slash crusty dish that l forget the name. l know it's as Greek as he is though. One hundred percent." "Hmmm. Tell him thanks." "Okay." l zoned through my classes, feeling the occasional butterflies in my stomach when my girl walked by, getting ugly looks from my enemy, and doing whatever l missed.     For gym l stretched extra hard. l wanted to be skinny soon and make Billy jealous. The song "Kiss the Girl" played. It was Ashley Tisdale's version. l want to kiss her, but she has a boyfriend. "Quick random love advice. Stop the treadmills and everything else." l stopped running and took a drink of water. "Did you know that even if a girl was married or had a boyfriend, the guy told her he loved her anyway?" "Nice." Billy said, grinning. "Would he then cheat and commit adultery?" Everyone giggled, even me. Glen smiled. "That was up to the woman." he said. "The hour's almost up. Blame me if you're late. l'll call the office. Go change." l changed into my clothes. l had a hard time getting my jeans on and my shirt to cover my waist.     Okay, so Nina convinced me to go to a talent show with her, Micheal, Sophia, and...Billy. Billy glared at me when l met with them. "What is he doing here?" he asked. "Billy, pretend you like him for two hours for once. He's our friend." Sophia told him. We found seats together near the back. It started with Chloe singing 'Ex-Girlfriend' then 'Barbie Girl'. Ruth sang a song she wrote herself. It was about me and her. Sophia, Micheal, and Nina tried not to laugh. Billy did laugh. l was blushing and trying to hide. Everybody else laughed. Logan made sure his shirt was working properly. (l know that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever, but it's Logan.) A stuck up cheerleader did a routine while singing a song about kissing somebody who didn't like her back. A couple sang a romantic song l'd never heard of. Halfway through the song l saw Billy grabbing and rubbing Sophia's hand. She leaned her head on his shoulder. l didn't like that. My heart broke a little. l loved Sophia but Billy had her and Sophia's sister Nina was dating Micheal Logan was flirting a popular blond who secretly liked him back...my life was in a triangle.     Yes Logan had just started flirting with a popular blond. Her name is Lindsay and she's cute. She has a heart shaped face and big green eyes. She hangs out with Sophia, Nina, and Maureen. Speaking of which, l saw her with her mom and sister. She was texting and talking. l understand why her mom was there, she's the president of the school board. She looks exactly like Maureen except hair color and texture. Think Emma Watson. Long and wavy-curly. Very pretty. l know her not just because of Maureen, but because my mom won a case for her once. That's how l know her and Maureen. That's also l met Nina. She and Sophia were staying at Maureen's house for a few months while their parents were in rehab and she brought them over. The case was for a woman who constantly cursed at and threw stuff at Maureen and her sister because she hates children. Boys more than girls, though. Mother protecting her children. My mother completely understood that.    When it was over Micheal's dad was at the door. He seemed to have lost a few pounds. "Tobias," he said getting off the phone. "Your mother wants me to help you pack a bag and go to my house. Your father is both hallucinating and drinking and swearing. He's also passed out several times. You and your brother will stay at our house." "Ok." While he called his wife l turned around. "Is everything all right?" Sophia asked. And the butterflies work their way into my belly, l thought. "Yeah." l said. But l knew she heard. Everybody, including Logan, had heard. For once Logan kept his mouth shut.    l was so tired, l held ice on my head. l slept in Micheal's room on the floor. Micheal's room was big with posters and pictures of basketball and football stars. And a few male models along with a female model. Micheal also had a few pictures of Nina on his desk. You could tell how much he loved her. The next few days were fine. Micheal let me shower and brush my teeth in his bathroom.    School was okay except for one little thing. l was sitting on the benches again. "Tobias?" l looked up. It was Mr. Johnson. "What are you doing?" he asked. "My brother is picking me up. He does every day." "Where does he go?" "He's a sophomore." "Oh. So he's in high school." "Yeah." He jogged off. Jog? Yes. For the first time l noticed he was wearing a tight tank top and biker shorts and he was jogging. For a minute l felt jealous of him. Of his body. Listen to yourself. Jealous of your own teacher. Hey, what's wrong with Nina? l wondered. She was walking toward me with her arms crossed tightly. But it wasn't cold. In fact, l should not have worn jeans. "Nina, is something wrong?" l asked her. She shrugged. "Micheal cheated on me. The chick he slept with told me to stay away for a year." "Oh l'm so sorry," l hugged her a little. "How did you find out?" l asked her. "Hafize was talking to Micheal about it. l overheard. Then you-know-who found me and told to stay away and that l'm ugly and dumb." She was really crying now. She buried her face in my chest and sobbed. "l'm so sorry. You're actually very beautiful and smart and sweet. I'm not saying that just to be nice l swear." l glanced up. Sophia was rubbing her fraternal twin sister's back. Nina's hair is very black. Sophia's hair is very brown. They both have dark brown eyes.      My hair is very blond. My eyes are chocolate brown. Nina calls it 'a handsome combination and totally hot girlfriend worthy looks'. l looked up again. Logan's hair is very red, but not as red as Rogue's. Jake was looking at me. l noted that he seemed to have lost then gained weight again. His blond-brown hair looked a little greasy and messy. He waved at me then sat down on the other side. "Who was that?" Sophia asked quietly. "He was handsome." "Thank you." Jake said in an annoyed voice. Nina giggled a little. She'd stopped crying while l felt a spark of extreme jealously. "That's Jake. He was my best friend." "Oh so l'm not your friend?" Nina asked. "Relax, l said was. As in 'l knew before l truly knew you'." "That's sweet." Sophia teased. She and Nina giggled. "l feel better already,but l'm not getting up. Tobias, your chest is like a pillow and l can hear your heart beating like crazy." l smirked. Just then Tony pulled up and honked. "l have to go." l said. Without thinking, l bent down and kissed Sophia on the lips. A little of her lipstick wiped off. Tony waggled his eyebrows when l got in. "l saw that. Are you dating?" "No, l just have a humoungous crush on her. l wasn't thinking when l kissed her." l quickly covered my mouth. Tony grinned.    l had a choir performance that evening. l already knew Nina would be there. And so would Ruth and Chloe. Of course Nina, Sophia, Ruth, Chloe, Maureen, and Logan and Lindsay were there. Logan and Lindsay held hands. Mom had a video camera. l did my solo on the first song. The song was called 'Summer Dreams'. My position is first bass. Hafize did her solo, and Micheal did his. We did nine more songs including one by Stevie Nicks. When it was over, Nina cornered me. "Do you like my sister?" "l'm in love with your sister." She sighed and tossed her hair. "Look, it's really romantic that you like her that much. But not only is she dating, she's dating your enemy, and she's your best friend's sister. l would really hate it if you two broke up and our friendship faded." "Relax. We won't break up if your sister likes me back. If we do, l promise l won't be the breaker. l'll be the break-ee." She was satisfied with that and hugged me and left. Nina and Sophia walked away and got into their mother's car.     The next day was the day the bullying cycle started again. Billy dumped my books twice and slammed me against a locker and the hand dryer in the bathroom. Mr. Reed saw me being slammed on a jock's locker, and Mr. Kurl was washing his hands when l was slammed on the hand dryer. Ms. Ridda and Miss Lily were walking by when my books were dumped both times.    l was stressed out when l got home. l did my homework, and tried to forget the fact that my father looked worried when l walked in. He stared until l went upstairs. l stared back. Girlfriend jumped on my chest went l laid on my bed and covered my eyes. l decided to take a nap. l closed the door, took my clothes off, which of course was hard, and shut off the light. Dad was shaking me an hour later. "Son, Tobias, wake up. It's time for dinner. l made chili." l looked at him. "l can't remember the last time you cooked. Where's Mom and Tony?" "Tony's with his girlfriend, and Mom had to leave the state unexpectedly. Just you and me for a while, bud. Rub your eyes and get dressed." l put my clothes back on and went downstairs and looked at myself in the mirror. l looked tired and annoyed, and since the shirt was a little tight and l'd been wearing a jacket all day, l could see my bellybutton and the outline of my gut. l went downstairs. "l think it's about time for a trim, son. Your hair is getting really long." l didn't say anything. "Silence doesn't mean anything. He must still be tired." my father reminded himself. l heard a little fear and a little hurt in his voice.    Tony got home way past his curfew. l mean way WAY past his curfew. As soon as he walked through the door, Dad started yelling."Can't you pay attention to time you worthless piece of slime!" "What did you call me? You think l'm..." "Shut up! l don't want to hear anymore out of you!" "You hate me! You even like Tobias more than me!" "Tony, that's not true!" "Then why don't you ever abuse or yell at him instead?" "Because he's a better kid than you! He's worth more! If l had to choose between you and him, him!" "JOSEPH! TONY!" Mom was home. l heard more yelling. Someone even threw something. Eventually Mom must have called the police, because l heard sirens at our house.    One of our neighbors called the press, who wouldn't leave us alone. Dad was in jail, and Tony was at a hospital. Newspapers kept calling, so Mom wouldn't let me go to school, and bolted the door. l was a little annoyed that she was being overprotective, but l knew she knew this was private and no one had to know. The press got what they could and took pictures of Tony and Dad. It was on TV. The deputy in charge kept most of it private. She was kind of pretty, a little Asian, African American, Native American and Caucasion in her. She kept the deep details private,and told the not-as-violent stuff. As for Tony, he looked terrible. Two black eyes, on leg broken, one arm broken, and fractured ribs. They blurred Dad's face when they found him.     Even more interesting stuff. Dad was having an affair with his ex boss's wife. That's the real reason why he got fired anyway. When l went to sleep, l heard Mom raging. "You LIED to me and ABUSED YOUR OWN SON MENTALLY EMOTIONALLY AND PHYSICALLY! I DON'T WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU'LL DO TO TOBIAS IF ANYTHING EVER HAPPENED TO TONY! YOU HAD NO REASON TO HURT HIM AT ALL!" Dad was crying and desperately trying to apologize. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry..." Everyone's heart was broken. Everyone, including me, blamed him or herself. Mom blamed herself for not seeing it coming, Tony blamed himself for being the victim and a horrible son and brother, Dad blamed himself for being the cause of it, and l blamed myself for getting caught in the middle. The press loved it. They felt sympathy, just like almost everyone else, but they loved the story. Tony and l stayed out of school for a week.    We went to court with our parents. They were thinking about getting a divorce. The state wouldn't let Dad near us. He couldn't even hug us without people getting suspicious. For now, they were separated. Dad stayed at a hotel. l saw Tony cut himself twice. He caught me the second time. He begged me not to tell Mom. l told her anyway. "Mom." "Son." "Can l talk to you for a second?" "Sure. What's wrong?" "l...l caught Tony cutting himself twice." She sat down and kissed me. "So have you." l stared at her in surprise. "How'd you know?" "Mothers just know, son. Do you want me to enroll you two in therapy?" "If it'll help." She kissed me again and added calling a therapist on her list of things to do.    Everyone tried to stay busy and things improved. Tony went out with his friends more. He rarely saw Spring. l got the feeling things were awkward between them. Mom made his curfew later, because of not only that night, but because his physical and mental health and grades were improving. Tony kept coming home at his old curfew on the dot. Mom was scared. She called a teen expert. The expert said she thought Tony felt it would happen again and that he was scared. He was. He wouldn't say why he kept coming home on the dot. His friends were also nervous. Most of them knew what had happened.    Tony came home depressed one day. l was doing homework, which l had a lot of. "What's wrong?" Mom asked. "Spring broke up with me. She found out what l did to other girls in school. She's not sure if we can get back together or not. She's not sure.......and l love her so much." He sat down on the couch and broke down. Mom hugged and kissed him."She was intelligent, beautiful, and funny. She had beautiful dark hair and eyes. l liked her. Dad liked her. Tobias loved her." She winked at me. l grinned. l got the message."Have you learned your lesson?" she asked. "Yes," Tony said. He was much calmer now.    The next morning, we heard the song 'Accidentally In Love'. Tony cranked it up. "I'll be a little late, l have something l've got to do." Tony said. "Hey fatso! lt's the wimp from l don't know where!" Billy shrieked. Tony started to get out of his car. "Please don't!" l begged. "He deserves it." Tony said. "l know,but he's Sophia's boyfriend!" l said.Tony got back in his car. l walked into school. "Hey wimp! Gained some weight lately?" Billy said. Just ignore him. He's trying to get under your skin. l told myself.    When l saw Ruth,l was surprised. Her hair was clean. No dirt, no grease, no major split ends, it was blonder and prettier than l'd ever seen. Most of her acne was gone, she lost the glasses, and was wearing makeup. She was also hanging out with Chloe. Sophia and l waved at each other. Nina was annoyed at everybody. Logan was lovesick. So was Michael. Michael complained to me about wanting Nina back. l had to go to the South Gym for weights. Nina wore a hot pink shirt, grey shorts, and cool tennis shoes. Her hair was in a ponytail. She was beautiful. As always. When she saw me, she waved.    "She's a tad more superficial than l am." Nina said. We were walking outside around her neighborhood. She was talking about a new girl from New York. "She's nice to me though. She thinks you're cute." l looked at her. "She does?" "Yeah. You truly are, Tobias." "But l'm fat." "Don't be so negative. You're not as chubby as you think, Tobias Shane Grass. You're rich,cute, and have a hot older brother. Even l kind of like Tony. Do you mind if l ask him out?" l looked at the grass. "l suppose not. But remember, he's heartbroken and he's a sophomore." "l'm not gonna ask him out now, l'll wait. Sophia's never met Tony." "That's true." "Realize. Dirty Little Secret. Shorty's Short Shorts. All those have something to do with love. Tobias, we like each other's siblings. l like your brother, you love my sister. Promise we won't let that get in the way of our friendship?" l sighed. "Promise."    Nina sang a song. "Firework" by Katy Perry. "Have ever had second thoughts about getting back with your ex and forgiving them?" she asked. Her question caught me off guard. "Not really." "Okay. I'll call Mike tonight. Her sister was sitting on the porch. She'd curled her hair and wore a pretty dress. "You look beautiful," l told Sophia. She blushed. "Thanks, Tobias," she said. "Oh please," Nina said. "She's curled her hair a million times. And she bought that green dress at Victoria's Secret three weeks ago." Sophia rolled her eyes. "Tobias,"she said. She dragged me aside. "We should stay close, but not too close. l'm not sure how l feel yet." l kissed her anyway. l held her and we gazed at each other. l felt her large breasts press against mine. Her brown eyes sparkled. When we let go, Billy was standing there. His face was red. "Why are you even here? You don't belong anywhere but heck!" He grabbed Sophia's arm and kissed her. "Billy, stop...that hurts..." Sophia said. He let go. "Sorry babe." He gazed at her. "You have the same name as the Goddess...you really are one to me..." My love looked uncomfortable.       l walked home. All l could think about was Sophia. l nearly ran into Mr. Johnson. He stopped for a second. "What are you doing here, Tobias?" he gasped. "l live around here. What about you?" "l also live around here." he said. He said bye and l kept walking while he kept running. l really like Mr. Johnson, he's one of my favorite teachers. He also had a body to die for. A thin tummy, large chest, muscular legs and arms. He also had short blond hair that he gelled forward or spiked sometimes. His eyes are big and brown. He waved at Nina and Sophia and kept running. My mother and Nina's mother both know him. My mother won a case for his sister. Nina's mother stalked him for a few weeks. l wondered if l needed him as my "Sexy Body" coach. My body isn't sexy at all. l weigh 220 pounds. l have a gut, embarassing legs, and heavy arms.    l saw Dad's form in the house. My stomach dropped. He's not supposed to be here, l thought. What's he doing here? l walked inside. Dad turned around. "Oh Tobias! l didn't expect you back yet!" "What are you doing here?" l asked. "Packing some clothes." "Why are you in the knife drawer?" "Get my knives." he said. He got his knives and clothes, and hugged and kissed me. "l'm so sorry, l screwed this family up. This is all my fault. Son, can you ever forgive me?" "Yes." He left just as Mom was pulling in the driveway. They talked for a minute. l overheard them. "l love them, but after what l did to Tony...Anne you know what l'll do to them." "True. I have one question Joseph." "l have an answer." "Why didn't you hurt Tobias? He was a witness, but you've never struck him." "l...l don't know why..." He left. l felt depressed. Mom walked in the the house. She started to sing. "The day ain't going away..." My mother's singing is very beautiful. l went upstairs and vaccuumed my floor. l then organized my bookshelf. Science fiction there, advice and self help here. l glanced up after a while. Tony was standing there.    "Where have you been?" l asked him. "At Spring's place, singing our song outside her window. Not lying." he said. "What'd you need?" "A hug and advice." "From your little brother?" "Yeah. Now l know what its like to be in love. At first l thought love was a joke. Now l know it's not." "Have...have you thought about dating your friend's sister forever?" He raised one eyebrow. "Not really. l'm a random kind of guy." He started to sing an obnoxious love song. Yeah right. Sure you are... l thought. l thought for a moment. l thought about what Nina would think. Logan would wolf whistle if he saw us together. l don't know what Michael would think. l thought about what everybody else would think. Billy would hate my guts, Ruth would hate Sophia, Chloe would look for another geek. Everybody else would think it's great. Or a joke. l know a lot of people would think we wouldn't be right together.    l felt so lost, so confused. l loved her, Billy loved her, Chloe hated Sophia and loved me, Ruth hated Sophia and loved me. l knew the one person who would truly hate me was Billy. l felt like l had to protect Sophia.    l heard singing outside my window as l read a book on my laptop. It was Ruth, singing an annoying love song.      l glanced up at the laptop again. l realized l hadn't logged out of Guyville.com the other day. l clicked on Love Life. l saw a quiz called 'Will you get your crush?'. l clicked on it. Question:      How often do you see her/him?      A. Every single day  B. Once a day  C. Once a week  D.Twice or less a week     A to every single one. It said l would have her soon. Yeah, right.    My entire life was messed up. l walked into the bathroom to shower. I found a lacy bra, pantyhose, stripper heels, and a box of condoms. Tony was on the shower with Sandy Slut. They were kissing. l walked out in annoyance. Not that this is the first time he's used my bathroom for sex. So l grabbed my clothes and towel and showered in his bathroom. l also used his body wash, shampoo and conditioner, cologne, and even his deodorant cake. (Nice!) So that was my little revenge for him using my bathroom for sex. Tony was waiting for his shower when l was done. "You didn't have to use my soap." he said. "l even used your deodorant cake." l told him. He squinted. "You little brat." he said. "Hey! l'm not picking up your dirty clothes!" "Yes you are." He groaned loudly. "You're also cleaning his bathroom, especially the shower and tub!" Mom called.     Tony was back to himself. The only reason why was because he was lonely without Spring. He kept pictures of her in a box filled with special memories. He cooked more and we went to therapy every week. Our therapist was a chubby man with blond curly hair. If he lost several pounds, he'd be perfect. He was nice and had a neat office with pictures of his sister, mother, and fiancee. His name was Daniel Mish. He also had a cat named Lover and a dog named Torrence. As l walked into his waiting room l saw someone l used to know. Jake. He waved, and l waved back. l sat beside him. "l'm really sorry. l know how much you loved her." he said. In that instant, l realized I was over Rogue. "l'm over her," l told Jake. He nodded. "But l'm not." he said. I realized I never was meant to date her. "I don't think I was ever meant to date her." I said. He leaned on my shoulder. I rubbed his head. Some people stared at us. One guy flipped us off. Jake flipped him off back. "You are so mean to people! Why'd you flip him off?" his hot blond cheerleader girlfriend said. "l...uh..." She looked at me. "Are you friends or something more? If you are not something more, do you stand up for those specific rights? If you do, you're awesome." "l do." l said. Her boyfriend was embarassed and looked like he felt bad. Good riddens.    "Grass?" Daniel Mish asked. l got up with Tony and Mom. Daniel had his glasses on today, and seemed to have a cold. He walked upright, with a little stiffness in his back. He also seemed to be sucking in his belly today. He kept letting it go and taking deep breaths. His office was a little messier than usual, and Torrence and Lover were sleeping. He had three boxes of Puffs Kleenex on his desk. He also had cough and cold medicine, some coffee, and a new picture of his fiancee. She had black hair, porcelain skin, naturally rosy lips, and wore little makeup. You could tell right off the bat that he truly loved her and wanted to be around her constantly, even though she was the receptionist and owner of a prestigous building down the street. So they were very well off.    "How have you boys been?" he asked. He had a legal pad and erasable pen, and kept his laptop open. He wrote 'Tobias and Tony Grass,two depressed and troubled brothers' at the top. Tony admitted what he'd done and why. "You must really like this girl. Can you tell why you think you've fallen for her and not others?" Daniel asked. "l truly believe she's the one. She's the most beautiful girl l've ever seen in my life. She's part Mexican, part Gypsy, and part Irish. She has this amazing black hair, beautiful eyes, and pouty lips. l can't stop thinking about her...she's so different...beauty wise and personality wise. She's sweet, firm, smart, funny,dashing, charming...she should work in a Playboy mansion." Daniel narrowed his eyes. "She's that amazing! But she's not some sexy playgirlish whore, she's a cute member of the Junior Honor Society and the Fashion Beauty & Popularity Club. She volunteers at The Humane Society and donates to charity." Daniel took his glasses off and squinted through them. He cleaned one lens and put them back on. "Tony, you seem to find this girl the most beautiful thing in the world." "Hell yeah." Daniel glanced at a picture of his fiancee and got a pained look on his face.    We finished earlier than usual. Daniel didn't have much advice. Lunch was shrimp and crab salad with creme brulee as a side. The drink we had besides water and wine was chocolate milk. Mom talked with Daniel over the phone in another room. Mom glanced at us once or twice. "Thank you so much, Mr. Mish. You've really helped this family." She clicked off. Sophia and Nina called me later. "What's up?" Sophia asked. "l don't know what my life is like right now, baby." l quickly covered my mouth. "It's all right, Billy just left." she said. l knew she had it on speaker so Nina could hear. But l heard Nina and Kevin arguing in the background. Something about which version of Friday The 13th was better. Nina said the newer version was better. "l'd probably better let you go. l hear breathing at another end." We both paused. Then l heard it. "Billy, get off the phone. We both hear you breathing. Maureen, why are you on?" "l can't help myself!" said an all-too familiar voice. "Okay, Little Miss Snoop. You've got the scoop, now please get off." Maureen did as Sophia asked. We all knew it was illegal in some states to listen in on a phone conversation without someone knowing. "Sorry, baby." Billy quipped. Then he got off. "l can't believe him." Sophia said. "Neither can l." l said. We said Bye l love you and got off.    l couldn't believe what l saw in the mirror. Loose skin on my belly. l had finally lost a little weight, l had also been eating healthy lately and from that walk to and from Nina's house....l just couldn't believe it. l was still heavy and had a gut, but it was getting better. l imagined holding her in my arms closely. Her being able to wrap her arms around my stomach. As Jason Derulo's "Ridin Solo" played in my head, l closed my eyes and felt a moment of luxury. My stomach actually feels flat! l thought. I wasn't lying to myself. It felt good. The only thing that broke my sudden confidence and peace was Jazz pushing my door open. I quickly threw a shirt on and went downstairs. I knew she liked me and I loved her, but...Billy... I called Micheal. I didn't want to talk to Nina. I told him what was going on. "No, don't worry," he said. "Billy couldn't do anything to you because Sophia would kill him. Nina's been telling me she's interested in you. Are you two dating?" His question threw me off. "Toby?" he asked. I answered him. "I wish." I said without thinking. I also noticed the TV was on, he was eating something, and his dad was talking to him. "He's almost done, Dad. Yes I promise I'll be there in five minutes." His dad said something like Please hurry my son and walked off. Mike paused. "Mike?" I asked. "Nina forgave me. But can I forgive myself?" "You should. She loves you, Micheal." "I know." We said Goodbye and got off.    The doorbell rang. A high school girl wearing a blue polo shirt and knee length skirt was at the door. She even wore pantyhose and regular high heels. "Doesn't Tony James Grass live here?" She asked, sounding nervous. "Hang on." I went into Tony's room. "Tony were you expecting anybody."He rolled over onto his stomach."No. I'm staying at Josh's later. Why?" "There's a nervous sounding girl at the door." He leaned up. "Is it Spring?" "Not even close." He got up and walked to the door. I noticed he was watching an old French romantic comedy. I smirked. I knew it was Mom's. My thoughts turned to my father. I hadn't heard from him in a while. Maybe he feels ashamed, like he's let us down, or maybe he's busy, I thought. I asked Mom about it when she passed by. Her lip quivered. Uh oh, I probably shouldn't have brought that up, I thought. "He loves you and Tony, son," she said. She walked off. "Who was that, Tony?" I asked. "She thought I would up her reputation by having sex. I don't want to live in a Playboy mansion or be in a PlayGirl magazine. I don't want to be a whore, Tobias. I still love Spring and I always will." He glanced at his old PlayBoy magazines. He grabbed a shoebox and put them in by year and month. He had just gotten another issue. "But I can't stop." he said, looking at the redhead on the cover. "She's so hot..." he said. I knew he was talking about Spring, not the redhead. But the redhead was hot too.     Tony left for Josh's house an hour before dinner. He brought a few new magazines with him. He decided his reputation was at stake. Mom knew he was having a hard time without Spring. He had done it once since she left him. Mom brought up the thought of going out for dinner. I said okay, so we left soon. "Where do you want to go?" Mom asked. "It's up to you." I said. We ended up going to her favorite sports bar. A smokin hot waitress with mocha-colored skin and red lips walked up to us. She wore a skimpy outfit, fuschia tank top and light really short shorts. I caught myself checking her out. "Hello, ma'am and sir, what can I get for you?" "Cherry margarita." Mom said. "Water." I said. Oh I definitely need a cherry margarita... I thought. A hyper version of 'La Vida Loca' was playing. I recognized it as the version from Shrek.     I ordered a hamburger with mushrooms. Mom ordered the same thing. We finished dinner quickly. I glanced at my stomach. It churned a little bit. Your stomach is almost always going to look fuller after you eat, I reminded myself. I decided to stretch before I went to bed.    Mom paid and tipped the gorgeous waitress, and then we left. "Did you like it?" she asked. "Oh, yes," I said. She grinned. "The waitress' name was Jesse," she said. "She's really nice. And very pretty." As soon as we got home, we noticed a huge mess. "Oh my..." Mom said. We'd been attacked by a possible theif. The milk in the fridge was gone along with Mom's special cheese. Half the beef was gone. Mom's favorite fern was knocked over. Girlfriend and Jazz were outside...and we didn't let them outside before we left. I let them back in and went to check for more stolen stuff. Mom dialed 911. "Yes ma'am....our milk, cheese, and some beef was gone, and our dogs were outside...no one was home..." Or maybe somebody WAS home, I thought, seeing a familiar cell phone. Dad. I called him. I pressed speaker, while Mom listened in."Hello?" "How can you answer without your cell?" "Tobias! Son, I lost my phone two days ago. Do you know where it is? I'm using the hotel phone." I ignored the coincidence and talked to him. "It's on the floor. Dad, we got an intruder." "Oh my god! Are you all right?" "Yeah, Mom and I went to Sniper for dinner." "Where's Tony?" "At a friend's house." "What was stolen?" "Some beef, milk and cheese. Nothing else. And we've got a lot of valuable stuff." "Yeah. I promise somebody framed me,son. I have one enemy, but he wouldn't do something like that. Your mother doesn't have enemies, thank goodness. Your brother has plenty of enemies. Remember when one threw a firecracker in our yard?" "Yeah."     A few minutes later, the doorbell rang. A skinny African American cop was at the door. We showed him the house, phone and fridge. He took pictures of us. He reached down to scratch Girlfriend's neck, and pulled his arm back. "What's this?" he asked. He pulled a piece of paper from under her collar. It read 'You have been on TV at least once and have and abusive father. Tony and Tobias Grass must be put out of their misery. "Could it be a woman?" I asked, noticing the neat writing. "Possible. But women tend to be more personal like 'I've been watching you' or 'I have seen you'." the cop said. He said he'll scan it for fingerprints and walked out. He took Dad's cell phone with him. I relaxed on the couch and brushed Jazz. He likes it when I brush him.     For some reason, his favorite is Tony, but he loves when I and only I brush him. He won't let anyone else brush him.      I was feeling content during math class. Mr. Johnson wanted us to create a poster representing pi, a.k.a., 3.14. "But it's October!" someone complained. Mr. Johnson smiled coyly. "I know, it's my job to torture you," he teased. "But Pi Day is months away!" a girl said. "I know. I want to be prepared for that. At least I'm not making you make posters for Earth Day or Valentine's Day." he said. "Can we work with a partner?" someone asked. Mr. Johnson bit his lip. You could tell he hadn't thought about that. "I suppose. You may work with one person." he said firmly. Everybody paired up. "Do you want to be my partner?" Sophia asked. My stomach twisted. "Sure." I said. "But what about Billy?" He was glaring at me and he had to pair up with Ruth. I had to bite my cheeks to keep from smiling. Sophia saw him. "He'll live." she said. She got the supplies and sat down. "Do you want to draw or write?" she asked. "Either one is fine." "Unless you object, you can write. My writing's weird." she said. You're a better drawer than I am anyway. She grinned. "Thanks." she said. I realized I said it out loud. I blushed.     Billy cornered me after class. "I want you to stay away from her for a year!" he snapped. I totally lost it. "How do you know she doesn't want me? I love her so much and you're my biggest problem right now?" He raised an eyebrow. "You're obese and have a moron father and a slut for a mother." "Don't you dare talk about my mother like that, gang banging bitch!" He punched me in the gut and eye. When I walked into English, Mr. Kurl raised his eyes. "How did you get that black eye, son?" he asked. "Uh..." "Never mind. I'll take you to the nurse, sir."     "What happened?" he asked. I told him what happened. "He called your mother a slut?" I nodded. "Now Tobias, listen to me. Your mother is no slut. She's a wonderful and beautiful woman, and I like her very much. I actually had a crush on her in high school." I looked at him. "You did?" He nodded. "You look like you're in you're late twenties." He grinned. "Thanks. I'm actually much older than that. I'm as old as she is."     The nurse examined me closely. "He'll have to go home." was all she said. That was that. My mother was called and the nurse explained what happened. I honestly didn't want to go home. I wanted to stay and not have homework. I told Mr. Kurl this, and he chuckled. "I know son, I know you've been gone a lot lately because of injuries and problems, but you'll have to really go. You know what, I'll just make you read Hamlet. I've also got a few copies of the video, and I'll let you borrow one. I'll talk to your other teachers, see what they think." "What?" It was Mr. Johnson. When he saw my eye his mouth opened. "Good gracious, boy, what on earth...?" He let it hang. Mr. Kurl took him into the hallway to talk to him. I overheard them talking.    "Billy has got to stop hurting him! What if he kills him?" "His mother told me he threw a green smokebomb into their yard while he was taking care of the plants!" "I'm worried about his self esteem and safety. He's nice, quiet, smart, and responsible, and he's pretty overweight. I like him a lot, and I don't want him to get hurt." "No one does. Someone is going to need to protect him." "But we don't want to embarass him. What we put Billy on probation for the rest of the school year without telling him?" "That's a good idea, Curtis. I'll tell his other teachers about the idea. The principal too. He needs to get involved. It's out of or hands right now. I even saw Billy push him sharply against a hand dryer right in front of me. I was done with the urinal and was washing my hands." "Here comes John and Cara right now." The science Mr. Reed and the counselor was walking toward them.    The nurse made me hold an ice pack against my eye and massaged my stomach with whole milk. "You have a nice belly. Not a lot of hair." she said. "Thanks." I saw Mom talking to my teachers and counselors. Mom almost broke down even. She was really upset. "Why? Why is he torturing my son? Haven't you talked to his parents?" "We have. It's out of our hands now, Mrs. Grass. Relax, he'll be fine. His eye looks bad, but not life threatening." Mr. Johnson said. Mom really did break down. Miss Ridda rubbed her back. "We've done all we can. We've all lectured Billy at least once and have given him detention and called his parents so many times I've lost track. His parents are the type of parents who consider their child 'perfect'. I've been yelled at and told 'He wouldn't do that!' by both his father and mother. His mother even said I must be mistaken or lying. She...." She let it hang. Mom wiped a tear away. "I understand. From now on I'm going to be or have some adult near him." "Good idea, Anne." Mr. Kurl said.    I didn't have much homework, since they all knew l was stressed. It took me half an hour to get everything done. I watched Jazz and Girlfriend play-wrestle. It made me want Sophia. My cell phone rang. My ringtone for Sophia's number. She slipped it into my pocket when she kissed me. I wish. I actually asked Nina for it. It was Mike Posner's "Cooler Than Me". "Hello?" I asked. "Tobias? It's Sophia." "I know." "I heard what happened. I think it's about time to break up with Billy, but I'm scared." "Why?" "Meet me at the mall today and I'll tell you." "Ok." "I'll drive you." Mom said. I blinked and blushed. I'd forgotten I still had it on speaker.     "So why does she want to break up with him?" Mom asked. I gave her ten reasons why. She nodded. "I don't know why she would be scared. Billy's not harmless, but he's not....you know...." l tried to explain. "But she must be scared for a good reason." Mom said. "You never know."     She waited for me in her brother's car. We walked towards the mall together. She wore skinny jeans, black flats, a white shirt, and a pretty pink scarf. Her beautiful hair was extra straight and she applied a little more makeup. I noticed that she always wore something extra and stood up a little straighter when she knew she was going to see me. We bought frozen yogurt and sat down. She told me about her relationship with Billy and why she didn't like him anymore. "Sometimes I think it's my fault," she said, tears building up. "Listen to me, Sophia. It's not your fault. He has a lot of problems with his life right now. Why else would he torture me other than the fact that I'm a dork?" I said. "Hey Tobias Grass. Sophia Martinez." We turned and saw this girl who likes to get people in trouble and cause drama with people who are on the A list or B list. She was recording us. Sophia rolled her eyes and turned back. "He knows you are attractive and that you like me. I like you too, Tobias, but....my life is just too hectic right now to break up or get another boyfriend." I kissed her hand. "I love you so much....I'll be waiting when you're ready. If I have another girlfriend by then...screw me. Literally." She giggled. "I don't know what I would do or where I would be without you, Tobias." she said. My baby winced. "I'm not sure if I can...never mind. We're both young, and super serious relationships usually start at sixteen. But people who say we don't know true love just because we're young are way wrong." I kissed her wrist. "I can't live without you, Sophia Martinez." "I know. I'm as old as Juliet and you're...what? Wasn't your birthday in July?" I nodded. I felt so content, so protective around her...an ugly fat guy with a beautiful girl...I knew that Billy couldn't kill me, because if he did, she would torture him and throw him in jail herself. People stared at us. People took pictures.    We stayed a little longer than planned. She wanted a necklace and a casual dress, so I waited. And I needed boxers and jeans, so she waited while I found my size. She waited a lot shorter than I did with her. "That was short. Why do guys hate shopping?" she asked. I gave her several reasons why. She shook her head and I could tell she didn't understand them. I also noticed my shirt was getting tighter, but my jeans were looser...weird. I was losing weight in my hips, and it was all going to my tummy. We got a lovers photo because she wanted to brag to all her friends. She grinned when she saw the pictures. "You have a nice smile." she said. "Thanks. You do too." She blushed. She gave me a few pictures. I put them in my wallet. Little did I know we were being watched by an unexpected visitor.    I found myself pinned against the wall. "I knew it. You're trying to steal my girlfriend you fat loser!" Billy said. "Stop it. Leave him alone, he's not doing anything." Sophia said. Billy reached into his pocket and pulled out a small pistol. That's when she started crying. "Billy....stop...leave him alone..." And the other girl was still filming. She'd been filming us the entire time. People took pictures. My body was thinking faster than my brain. I've taken self defense classes before, I just never used them. I ducked underneath his arm and pulled his arms together like he was being arrested. "What are you?!!!!!" Billy screeched. "I'm a black belt," I said. So he got arrested and banned and I got named the hero. The manager gave us a huge coupon. Seventy percent off anything we bought today or next time. "We could use you at the station, kid, but unfortunately you're too young," said the cop in charge.     I ended up hating myself later. Sophia was going to be mine finally, but I hate being the center of attention sometimes. They showed everything on the news. Guess what else? Mom got called by Oprah herself. The national news got a hold of a copy. My stomach hurt every time I saw it or heard about it. Tony bragged to his friends about his brave brother, and Dad called a couple times to make sure I was okay. I wasn't, but I wasn't about to tell him that. Mom filed a lawsuit against my rival, despite my pleas. I knew she just wanted to protect me. Whenever Dad stopped by, to get some food or get something, he always checked on me. I stayed in my room most of the time, reading or sleeping or watching some cheesy love movie. Sophia and Nina called. Nina was proud of me but mad at her sister. She said she should have done something, and Sophia said that she know what to do. Besides, I had the bully under control. I told a reporter my secret over the phone. "I tightened my gut, legs hip width apart, and had my elbows propped perfectly. I let my chest breathe. My....what? My testicles? I kept them where they were..." He started to make me uncomfortable, so I ended the conversation. A woman from Marie Claire interviewed Mom.     At school, I was the new hero. Sophia was the heroine. Almost everybody said something about it. Sophia was happy to brag about it, but I wasn't and no one could understand why. Glen, Mr. Reed (science), Mr. Kurl and Mr. Johnson showed the tape. I overheard Glen talking to Miss Ridda about starting a self-defense course. Which he did. God, it was so embarassing. I hated him for a while. I think he knew that. He was so proud of me. He ruffled my hair whenever I did a kick or punch right. Which was every day. Billy got put on probation by the law and school. And Ruth and Chloe were even more turned on. Ruth looked a heck of lot better. No braces, no acne, no glasses, no disgusting hair, nothing. And she wore makeup for the first time ever.    "Can I sit here?" Sophia asked one day. "Of course." I said. We didn't say anything for five minutes. Suddenly she looked up. "Oh, help us, Jesus." she said. I turned around. Michael and Billy were fighting. The jocks were on one side, Billy's cronies on the other. Mr. Reed (history) was trying to keep them apart. Several other teachers yanked them apart. Mike and Billy tried to hit each other. No luck. They were taken away. Sophia and I finished eating.    "I wonder whose fault it was?" she said. "Probably Billy's." I said. "True." she said. "So what do you think of the self defense class?" she asked. "I hate it honestly. Just because I saved myself from getting shot in the gut that doesn't mean everyone has to make a big deal out of it. I don't even like the girl that recorded us." I said. "No one does. She's pretty annoying and you can't trust her much. She doesn't have very many friends." she said. I gazed in her eyes. People knew we loved each other now. My stomach still twisted and my head still spinned when I saw her. "So do you want to go to the next dance if everything works out?" she asked. "Who wouldn't want to go to the next dance with you?" I asked. She turned away. "Kalonice." she muttered. "Who?" I asked. "Kalonice," she repeated. "He goes to a different school. We met on Espin, which is basically a teenage dating site. We went out on a date. He was cute, smart, funny...basically the whole package. Or so I thought. The first few months were perfect. Then something happened. He changed. I saw his true side. He'd been drinking one night. We prepared to have sex. I felt beautiful. I'd bought condoms. I'd also been drinking a little. He leaned forward and said 'Sophia, you are the most beautiful girl ever. I want to be with you. Will you go to this dance with me?' Of course I said yes. I felt like he'd asked me to marry him. And of course we were at his house and I'd met his parents and he'd met mine. My parents are always working or partying, so it was a huge deal. Suddenly I heard a noise. He told me to get under the bed. I did that, but not before kissing his beautiful curly hair. A drunk girl that reminded me of a mix between Chloe and Ruth stomped in. She shouted 'What are you doing with another girl!?' He said, 'We broke up four months ago! Get over it!' She suddenly grabbed me out from under the bed and started hitting me. He yanked her off and told her to leave. She shouted 'WE BROKE UP FOUR HOURS AGO!' and hit me again. She finally left. But I was confused. I asked him what happened, and he said he couldn't lie. He told me that he'd been dating her for two years, then lost interest because she was extremely jealous. Heck she got jealous of his cousin. He went looking for another, found me, dated me, and broke up before we went to his friend's party. He said he couldn't live without me and wanted me to be with him. I just called Kevin and left. I later heard he broke with a third girl two days later. He also went to the dance alone." She wiped at her eyes.    "I felt like I'd been shot in the heart. That was the first time I'd been truly upset about a relationship. My stomach hurt like heck. Then I met Billy." she concluded. I kissed and hugged her. I felt her arms around my midsection and I felt her warmth. Her satiny shirt rubbed against my polyester shirt. Her jeans rubbed on mine. Her cotton bag rubbed on my arm. "You're so much smaller than me. SO much skinnier. And so beautiful. DON'T blame yourself for what HE did. I know how much cheating hurts. Relax, baby, relax..." We went to our next class together. The bell rang just as we sat down. "You are so lucky." Mr. Johnson warned to...a lot of people, strangely. I remembered that the music didn't play. They always play "Dancing Queen" or "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" a minute before the bell rings. It's becoming tacky, although everyone secretly likes those songs, including me.     He had us finish the stupid posters. Sophia finished her drawings and glued them on. I finished the facts and glued them on. Time went by fast. People stared at us all day. Sophia reminded me that people would lose interest in a few weeks. I tried to believe her, but didn't. We hugged but didn't kiss after school.Tony teased me. "Stop it," I told. "Come on, Toby. I was just playing."     To our surprise, Mom was on the phone with Dad. "He wants to take you boys out to dinner. He's going to tell you something we think you should know," she said. Tony groaned. "Come on Tony. He just wants to talk." Mom said. "Well, I don't." "It's just for an hour at the most. I'm thinking about giving him a second chance anyway." Tony went upstairs, mad. He didn't come down until the doorbell rang. I answered it. My father stood there. He hugged me tightly. "I miss you, son." "I miss you too Daddy." Dad tried to hug Tony, but Tony didn't hug back and got a creeped out look on his face. Dad looked hurt, but tried not show it. "I love you both." he said.     He drove us to the new McDonald's on twenty third street. It's really cool, softer booths, one TV per booth, you get waited on, and lower prices. And FOUR drive-throughs. We chose a booth, ordered what we wanted, and relaxed. Dad looked nervous, he was biting his lip and twirling his fingers. I noticed his hair looked blonder than usual. He also had more hair in front. He didn't look forty-five years old, either. He looked thirty-five.The waiter came back with our food. "Here you are, sir." he said. gently putting down Dad's salad. He gave us our food. He had a fake smile on. I guessed he was being extra nice because we actually looked like we were well off. Which we are, but we never dress that way. Dad and Tony both wore tight flannel shirts tucked in their jeans. My red shirt looked new, because Mom became addicted to Tide.     My father seemed to relax a little. "I've known your mother since she was in high school." I stared at him. "Since SHE was in high school?" Dad nodded. "I was already graduated. I was a teacher and was ten years older than her. She was a senior when l finally confessed my feelings for her." I felt my eyes go wide. "You're fifty years old?" I said. He nodded. "Please don't tell anybody. I love you both and your mother so much. I can't live without her, and l can't imagine losing my sons." Tony stared at his Big Mac. I nibbled on my chicken strip.    I didn't want to believe it. But I had to. What choice did I have? "You could have told the truth from the start." Tony said, getting up. Dad asked for a box for the rest of our food. I went to the car, leaving my father with the food and payment. He came out five minutes later, holding the box in one hand, and letting the keys dangle in the other. No one spoke to him. He tried to explain things and calm us down. "I was drunk the day she found out. We had sex and married. I didn't have a choice after that. I quit my job and worked as a broker. I knew my teaching license would be provoked if my boss found out. I worked as a broker for years before I got drunk and helped my client steal money. That's why I got fired. I'm lucky I didn't go to prison. I'm really trying to find another job, boys. I don't think I'll get one soon because of my age. I've screwed up hundreds of times. Tony, son, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I hurt you. Sorry I made you break up with the girl that started your...um....thing. I really did like her. But I felt that she was too pushy. Sorry I didn't listen." "Whatever. She hates me anyway." Tony growled. Dad looked hurt.    Dad took a nap when we got home. Tony went into his room and I sat on the couch. "Tobias?" Mom said. "I don't want to talk. I'll probably blow up." I told her. She went upstairs and talked to Tony. I felt like crying. I just wanted my old father back. I wanted everything to be like it was when I was five. Perfect. I was skinny then and could care less about Sophia. I felt like crap. My song for Sophia played on my phone. Weezer's 'Memories'. I picked it up. "Hey babe." I said. "Hey. So did Nina tell you yet?" I felt a cold spot in my gut. "Tell me what?" "That Logan and Lindsay have been really hitting it off. People are saying that she wants him just because he's...he doesn't have many friends, let's say that....they're also saying he wants her because she's popular and theatrical...anyways she's thinking about breaking up with him and he's thinking about breaking up with her." I fell silent. "Tobias? Hon?" "Thinking, sweet." I felt confused. "How have they been hitting it off if they're going to break up?" "Lindsay told me that she truly loved Logan and thought he loved her." "He falls in love too easily." "So do you," she reminded me. "Yeah, sorry about that, baby." I wanted to kiss her suddenly. The doorbell rang. "I've got to go, babe. I'll call later, I promise." "Okay. Bye." "Bye. And Sophia?" "Hmm?" "I love you." "I love you, too."     I opened the door. A tall blond woman wearing red lipstick and a navy blue business suit with camera men were there. I recognized her as Sheila Montgomery, a popular anchorwoman. "Are you Mr. Tobias Grass?" she asked, smiling. Of course she knew who I was. "Yes..." "Can we interview you? You'll be on the news tonight." I looked at my mother. She mouthed 'Your choice.' I looked back at Sheila. "Yes." I said. "Now?" she asked. "Anytime time you want, Mrs. Montgomery." "Call me Sheila." "Okay, Sheila."     Mom offered cookies and crab cakes. The news people refused. Mom sat down and I straightened my shirt. "Five, four, three, two, one." "Hi and welcome to 7o'clock news tonight. I'm Sheila Montgomery here with Mr. Tobias Grass, the almost victim of the near stabbing experience. Tell me Tobias, how old are you?" "I'm fifteen." "Where do you go to school?" "Burkhard Middle School." "Why the middle school?" "Because there's too many people at the high school." "That must be...interesting." I chuckled. "Defintiely interesting." "Tell me, what made you react to Tom's attempted stabbing?" "Tom? Oh...Billy. Blond moment. I really don't know, just natural gut instinct. People don't expect a guy my size to be flexible like that." "Where did you learn such a move?" "My mother enrolled me in self defense classes when I was nine." "What did your girlfriend think?" "Sophia Martinez? She's not my girlfriend, she's my best friend's fraternal twin sister. And she was proud of me." "What about your friend? What did he think?" "She was also proud." "Who is your friend?" "Nina Martinez." "Who was taping?" I rolled my eyes. "A girl who likes to get people in trouble and cause drama. I forget her name." Total lie.     They finally left. I was exhausted and hungry. Mom grabbed some meals from Wendy's. Tony and I hadn't eaten much. She asked me if I wanted the truck toy. "No thank you!" I told her. "It would make a nice present for Mark," she said. Mark is my three year old cousin.     The next day, my entire family was furious. Sheila made it look like Sophia WAS MY GIRLFRIEND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My phone rang. Sophia. "Hey what's up babe?" "Don't call me that. I'm not your girlfriend, and never will be!" " "Wait Sophia...." She hung up. I quickly called Nina. "Okay, I know you. You would never claim somebody was your girlfriend if she wasn't. What happened?" she asked. I explained everything. What I said, and how I perceived it. "Oh. Okay. Love you, bye." "Love you too. Bye." Sophia called and texted me several times. I ignored it. We didn't talk at all.     At school, I heard crying. Something pushed me to find out what it was. Guess who? Sophia. "Now I'll NEVER date him ever!!! I wish I'd listened to Tobias. I'm a horrible person." "You're not horrible." When she saw me, she got up and tried to leave. I grabbed her arm. "Sophia, wait." "Just go!!!" I ignored her for the rest of the week. She called and texted, but I still ignored her. Nina called me Saturday.    "She loves you so much, Tobias." "So?" She sighed. Go onto YouTube, and type in 'Tobias Grass' Real Interview'. I did. I watched it. "So?" "Sophia saw that and felt terrible. She also knows you'd never do anything like that. She was stressed because of Billy." "So?" I still wasn't convinced. "SO Google 'Tom /Billy Paers' and look at his profiles plus his law papers." I did. I was shocked by what I saw. Next time Sophia called me, I'd answer. Nina hung up on me. I called Sophia. "Hello?" "It's me, baby. I saw his profiles. All of them. Sweetheart, I"m so sorry." Silence. I was afraid I'd lost her. "I am too." she finally said. "Don't be. I know why. Sophia, I love you...so much. I can't live without you." "Tobias, after what happened between us, we shouldn't get together. I'm going to break up with Billy and stay single for a while. Sorry." "Sophia....I...." She hung up.     I knew what I had to do. I walked to her house. When she answered the door, I was shocked. She had zero makeup on and had freckles on her nose. She was still pretty, though. "I didn't know you had freckles." I said. "They're ugly, aren't they?" she said. "Ye...." Yes, I started to agree before I caught myself. I honestly thought she was cute, I just wasn't thinking clearly. She shut the door on me. "Babe...wait....I'm sorry..." Nina opened the door. "We promised we wouldn't let anything like this get in the way of our friendship." she said. She hugged me.     I stayed home the next day again. My father picked up my homework. My fifty six year old father. "Son, are you okay?" "I don't know." I sniffed. My throat was sore, my nose was red, and my eyes were watering. Dad felt my forehead. He got me juice and a few movies. I did homework, watched a movie, and fell asleep. My cell phone rang while I was asleep. I woke up to Nina's voice. "Tobias, are you okay? Love ya, bye." I felt like crying. I grabbed the knife, and prepared to do it. I held the knife close to my throat. I slit both my wrists, smeared blood all over, and uncovered myself. I wanted to stab myself in the gut. "TOBIAS!!!!!!!!!!" My father ran up to me, grabbed the knife out of my hand, cutting himself in the process, and hugged me. He searched for more knives, and took away anything I could use as a weapon.     Dad called Daniel, then Mom. "Anne, he tried to kill himself. Tobias. He was getting ready to stab himself in the stomach. I called Daniel. Yes, I called her. She and Sophia will stop by when he's feeling better. I called the school. Honey, we have to put him on a suicide watch. Wait.....what...no.....Tony wouldn't do that! I know, baby, I know, it was a simple matter of student and professor falling in love. Honey, I got you pregnant with Tony, then we married when he was born...I know you know that...Anne...honey...baby...babe...calm down, sweet. Calm down. I'll watch him. I promise."     Dad cleaned me up with a wet rag. "Dad, was I an accident?" I asked him. He paused. "You both were, honey. Son, stop squirming. I know you're stressed out. I am, too. I've called Daniel, and he'll come over later." I had an idea. I thought it was stupid. I told Dad. He grinned. "Nice idea, son." "I swear, it was an accident." Dad looked at me. "Tobias...look at me, son. You are a smart and handsome boy. Don't let anybody tell you otherwise. I'm glad I had you and Tony. Your mother once told me that now she knows what real beauty is. To her, you two are the most beautiful things on the planet. I agree with her." He kissed me. He brought me more movies and books and I watched them.    Mom arrived at lunchtime. "I won another case. Want to hear about it?" "Sure." She sat cross-legged on my floor. "This woman got mad at her husband for hitting their kids. A girl your age, who goes to your school, and a boy Tony knows. The girl's name is Chloe Kink." I sat up. "Say that again." "Chloe Kink?" I nodded. "She has a huge crush on me, and dresses like a prostitute." "I'll say!" Mom said. "Anyways, and yes her mother works for a pimp. She filed divorce and abuse charges."     I felt satisfied knowing part of Chloe's life. Turns out, her mother makes as much money as mine does. And of course her mother got arrested and my mother offered to take in Chloe and her brother until their grandma arrived from Texas. Their aunt lives in California, and she was arriving too. I knocked on Chloe's door. "I'm putting makeup on!!!!" she called. "Only Tobias can come in." "I am Tobias." "Then come in silly!" Chelley's 'Took The Night' was playing. Chloe was burning aloe oil and putting mascara on. "Guess what? I get to live with you until my grandma arrives, which will be in a week." "Huh? It takes two hours to get from here to Texas." "Yes, but by plane. She's driving a Chevrolet made in the fifties." "Why?" "Who knows why? Anyways, we'll be together for another week or so."     I wore a flannel shirt the day the news crew was meant to arrive. I had to straighten things out with me and my love. Chloe loved it. She wore a miniskirt and a reallly tight tank top. Daniel was there. He and Dad talked. He was " the family friend". Dad offered him beer and wine. Daniel sort of flirted with my mother, so Dad tried to get revenge. Daniel drank one glass of champagne. Dad offered him really fattening food, but he politely refused. "I'm on a Nutrisystem based diet." he told Dad. "Hmmph. Is it working?" "Yes. I've lost ten pounds since I started working with your sons." I noticed Daniel's stomach had been shrinking. He grinned when he saw me. "This is a really good idea, Tobias. I would never have thought of it. Good ideas are signs of a smart mind. If I'd been going through what you are, I'd be already dead. I wasn't as strong as you are, sir. I was a nerd in middle and high school. I couldn't defend myself. I had to count on other people for that." "Thanks." "You're welcome." Dad looked at the clock. "We still have an hour. Do you want to talk to him?" "Yes." "Want me to leave?" "Yes."     I talked to Daniel. He listened closely and took notes. "Tobias, I think you should talk to Sophia. She needs you now. You didn't mean to insult her." My phone vibrated. "Can I look at this?" "Yes." 'Tobias, Sophia thinks she needs laser surgery to remove her freckles. Can you talk to her? You're the reason why. Love ya, Nina.' I didn't think anything of it. My phone three minutes later. Sophia. "Did you really make out with Maureen?" she asked. This was it, I was about to lose both my love and best friend. "I can't tell a lie," I said, imitating George Washington. "Yes, babe, I did make out with Maureen. I'm so so sorry, Sophia, wait...." "Shut yourself in a locker and never climb out! I hope you break your other leg or better yet, become roadkill!!!" She hung up. "Ouch," Daniel said. I got myself together in the bathroom.     Interview time! "So I am here back at Tobias' Grass' house. Tell me Tobias, why did you call us back?" "I need to point out a few mistakes. Some that I made, some that you made." "What are they, sir?" "The first mistake is yours, ma'am. You said that Sophia Martinez is my girlfriend. She's not my girlfriend at all. I want her to be, she wants to be, but she's not." "Why not?" "She has a boyfriend. Tom Paers." I suddenly realized I wasn't afraid of him anymore. "The truth is, Sophia, if you're watching this, I did make out with somebody. I won't say who on camera, that would ruin her reputation, and she's a good person. Neither of us were thinking, we were in her room, I'd been drinking fruit juice I found out is spiked. So was she. We were in her room, it was heat of the moment, and I hope you can forgive me, Sophia Martinez. I love you, I'd fight for you, and I'm sorry. I hope you find someone better than me." I kissed my finger and touched the camera. Nobody said anything. The news crew left. "So that's what happened at Maureen's. Tobias why didn't you say anything?" Mom said.     "I didn't want either of us to get in trouble." I said. "What's the real reason?" my father said. "That is the real reason, Dad." Before I knew it, my lip and nose were bleeding, and I was on the floor. Daniel and Mom looked shocked. "GET OUT OF THIS HOUSE! NEVER COME BACK! I'LL KILL YOU MYSELF IF YOU DO! HE WAS TELLING THE ******* TRUTH! YOU ******* *****! YOU'VE HURT THIS FAMILY MORE THAN ONCE! FIRST TONY MULTIPLE TIMES, THEN TOBIAS!" Mom shouted a lot more good words at Dad. Daniel and Tony helped me up. Tony dotted my face with a paper towel. Daniel looked for band aids. "Band aids are in the hall closet." Tony said. Dad was crying and trying to apologize. "I'M NOT FALLING FOR THAT FAKE CRAP!"    
   
   
   
    When Dad tried to help me, Mom got out a gun. Dad quickly left. Mom took off her wedding ring, threw it down, and sobbed. Dad called me. I didn't answer. "Tobias, please pick up. I'm so so so sorry. Son, I love you so much. I..." Mom cut off the connection. She packed all of Dad's things in his bags, including some candles, which she normally would have stolen. She gave them to him. He tried to hug Mom, but she threatened to sue him for rape. He snuck a kiss on her cheek. She flipped him off." ******* you," she said. He hugged me and Tony. "I love you both so much, I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt either of you. You two mean everything to me." "Come on, *****. Your own car is moving faster than you." Mom said.    Dad and Daniel both left. Everybody wanted to be alone. I got a text from Sophia. 'We weren't truly dating anyway. I'm sorry 2. go ahead and erase my #. Love u, Sophia.' I called her. "Sophia Martinez, I love you. I love you so much. You have nothing to be sorry for." "We broke up." "What?" "Billy and I. We broke up. Or really, I broke up with him. He's nothing but trouble. And he called Nina a Mexican whore. Hey, I'm part Mexican too, and she's my sister." I didn't say anything. "Tobias?" "Babe?" She sighed."Maybe it's best if we stay...friends. You know? Like 'He's just my sister's best friend.' Or 'She's my friend's sister.' You know? Because we met through Nina, and she didn't want us dating in the first place. The only reason why she let us is because she loves us both and wants us to be happy." I sighed. "Sophia, I love you too much. I don't think I can deal with that." "Then we shouldn't be talking." She hung up.    At school, I got a lot of stares. Nobody talked to me, not even my teachers. Mr. Reed pretended not to see me. Billy was even worse. He insulted me openly. No one cared. No one. Logan totally ignored me. Michael just waved. The only person who still liked me was Nina and Sophia. Even they didn't talk much. When I got home, I went to my room and sobbed. I grabbed a pocket knife and slit my own wrist. "Tobias?" I looked over and saw Daniel. "Your wrist..." He took my knife away and cleaned up my wrist. "Your mother asked me to come over every day. Tobias, I think you feel abandoned and alone. Just know this: You are not to blame for this. Everyone else in your life is. Even me. More people than you think care about you. Tell me what happened today."    I told him everything. Life got worse. My grades lowered to Fs and everybody laughed with Billy. I decided that if I wasn't dead or had run away by that time, I'd move out of state. Maybe to California or Kansas. I listened to 'Clementine' every day. The girl had drowned and her boyfriend blamed himself for it. I know it's a really sad song. Exactly my point. Eventually, Daniel broke down, too. My only people I felt still cared about me was Tony and Mom. "You know Tobias, you don't know what real love is.You're just a kid. You don't know anything!" Daniel said. He got up and left. I knew what to do then. I grabbed a butcher knife and got ready for death. "Tobias, stop it!" Tony shouted. Tony and I wrestled over the knife, causing Jazz and Girlfriend to bark. Tony fell down, and I realized he'd been stabbed in the stomach. I slit my throat and fell down. It was raining hard now. All the lights went out. "Tobias, don't do this to yourself. You'll only make things worse." Tony said, looking at me and his stomach. He reached for the phone and dialed. "911, what's your emergency?" said the operator. "My brother tried to kill himself and we fought and my gut is bleeding and his throat is bleeding and we're both hurt..." "Sir, slow down. Your gut is bleeding and your brother's throat is bleeding?" "Yes, he's in worse shape than I am, just please send somebody. The address is..." I passed out at this point.      I was in a peaceful place. Flowers and something soft everywhere. I saw Sophia. "I love you,Tobias. Will you marry me?" I became excited. "Yes, yes, yes yes!" I saw Billy. "I'm sorry I acted like a slut to you, Mr. Grass. Do you accept my apology, sir, and one million dollars?" "Yes!" I got a glimpse of Michael Jackson. "Young sir, you are in heaven!" he said. 'Heaven Is A Place On Earth' and 'A Lover's Concerto' played. I felt pounding on my chest. I looked down and saw my body in a hospital. Coincidently, I was in the process of reading '90 Minutes In Heaven'. I realized I was dead. "Am I..." "Dead? Yes. Sir, you are literally in Heaven." I saw a familiar looking man. Long brown hair and beard, wearing a beautiful white robe. Jesus. Literally. It was Him. "Tobias Shane Grass, you are in fact dead, but it is not your time." "But what can I do? I can't go home." "Yes, you can. If you wish, go down to Earth and see what everyone else is thinking and feeling. Good luck, young sir. Enjoy your future wife now and don't plan for the future so soon. You are still young. You are still learning..." Then He disappeared.     I went down to Earth. Everyone in school saw what was happening, because it was live. Those that didn't texted and called friends. Even the TV in New York. I glanced up. I realized I was in a hospital. Doctors, nurses, Mom, Dad, Daniel, and my teachers. Tony was right beside me. "Why did you do that? I was in a peaceful place. I was in Heaven. I even saw Michael Jackson and Jesus, and I think my Guardian Angel." I said. Everyone looked at each other. "Jesus said 'Enjoy your future wife, it's not your time, don't plan for the future too soon, you are still young.'" "He died." somebody said. They healed my chest. Literally took half a second. Then I woke up.      Yeah, I woke up. I'd been sleeping. Mom was putting medicine on my nightstand table. "Morning, sunshine," she said. She kissed me. "I had a dream that I was dead for a couple minutes. The song "Heaven Is A Place On Earth" was playing. I really was in Heaven." "Huh." That was all she said. Huh. "Daniel would like to apologize to you, Tobias. He's just stressed because his fiancee cheated on him. He caught her in bed with his best friend. She had used him to get to him." "So Daniel really was mad at me for no reason at all?" "Toby, he's not mad at you at all. If you want, he said he'll direct you to another therapist. She's a good friend of his. She's helped all kinds of adolescents dealing with love, suicide, and divorce. Even pregnancy. She specializes in people your age, son." "I'll think about it." "Okay."     I was back at school soon. Everybody called me clever and smart. Girls kept smiling at me. I asked Nina about it. She grinned. "I'm going to girl prison for telling you this, but girls like romantic, smart, friendly guys. Guys like you. That's why Sophia likes you so much. You're the opposite of you-know-who." I felt confident. I'd lost a couple pounds, too. My grades improved. My jeans felt looser. I'd lost a bunch of gut. My heart still pined for Sophia. I missed her so much.     I was hanging out in Nina's room. She was putting makeup on. Bras and magazines were thrown everywhere. "Hey, do you have the third season of The Office?" she asked. "Yeah." "Can I borrow it?" "Maybe." "Okay, Toby, I have good and bad news. What do you want to hear first?" If heard the bad news first, I'd take the good news better. I told Nina this. "Bad news: Michael and I aren't dating anymore." I looked at her. "I'm so sorry. What happened?" "I couldn't let his cheating go. It's hard for me to forgive a guy who upset me. It's also hard for me to let him go." I stood up and hugged her from behind. Her nails dug into my skin. We carefully let each other go and gazed into each other's eyes. In her eyes, I saw fear, depression, and love. I wondered what she saw in mine. "I can't hold it in anymore." she said. "Tobias, I know it can never happen now, and I hope you forget that I said this. I love you. Like, love love. You."     I didn't know what to say. I didn't want to lead her on, but I didn't want her to feel worse either. She was going through enough stress. Her relationship between her sister and I confused her and probably made her feel guilty, and she'd been cheated on by Michael, who'd been a good friend to her. Her eyes wavered. "There's a rumor going around that Maureen really likes you." she said. I opened my mouth a little. "Tell me what's happening in this love mess. I need to know." I told her.    "Sophia likes you but doesn't want a relationship because of me. You are still in love with her. I love you too. Michael loves me but he cheated on me and I can't let that go. Logan and Lindsay like each other. Lindsay is totally popular, but not many people like Logan. He's a really annoying jerk sometimes, but I don't think he knows it. Billy loves Sophia and would throw a party if you got killed or anything." she bit her bottom lip. "Tobias, honey, please don't make me cry over this. Sophia broke up with Billy yesterday. She says she's happier." I felt my knees buckle. Nina caught me. She set me on her bed and pulled my shirt down. Tears began to well up in her eyes. "Please don't cry." I told her, sitting up. "Nina...I'm so sorry...don't cry..." "I should have told you earlier!" she cried. She buried her head in her pillow.     "Look, I'm sorry. I'll figure out some way..." I started. She ignored me. I realized how pretty I thought she was. I pulled her close and kissed her hair. She settled down and took a deep breath. "I'm so sorry, Nina. If I'd known.." "No, don't. I should have told you earlier. Can we just forget I ever said that?" I thought for a moment. "I don't know, Nina, honestly, I used to have a huge crush on you. I should never have started something with Sophia. I'm really sorry." She laid her head on my chest.    "This is all my fault, Nina. I'm sorry. I'm really so very sorry. I wish I could change things. I'll do something. I'll go on to Espin or something. Yes, I think I could forget ever loving you. Sophia too. But the fact that I loved you both...I know it's awkward and painful. Look, if you want to talk to Tony, that's fine with me." I felt so guilty. Nina shook her head. "No, that'll make things worse. Look, we're both stressed. Should we tell Sophia?" I shook my head. "No, that'll just upset her. I'm glad she broke up with Billy, everyone is, but she doesn't need more stress. If I give you a first and final kiss, can you forgive me?" I asked her. She looked at me."I was thinking the same thing." she closed her door so Sophia wouldn't see, and she leaned forward. I wrapped my hands around her waist, felt her smoooth,soft skin beneath my hands. She was wearing a tube top. I wondered where she was going and what she was doing in that.    I felt her lips brush mine. I pulled her closer. "You're a pretty sexy guy, Tobias Shane Grass, " she whispered. I felt her tongue caress my lips. I caressed hers with my tongue. I grabbed a handful of fresh tresses. I'd wanted to do this for years. Literally. And it wasn't Sophia, it was her sister, my best friend, Nina Laura Martinez. I'd loved her since preschool. Of all the people I had to fall for after her, it was her sister. I realized I could have stopped. I could have done something. I smelled her fresh lotion and perfume. Victoria's Secret Pink. I didn't want to stop. My mind cleared and I felt light and happy. My beautiful best friend could have become my girlfriend if one of us had only said something. Nina told me this after our kiss.    Her kiss was amazing. She wanted me, and I wanted her more. We both knew this. We finished our kiss. I missed her lips already. She applied lipstick and wiped some lipstick off of me. Her hands wrapped around my belly. We gazed into each other's eyes. I felt safe and comfortable. I wanted to protect her. Her vanity shone bright, highlighting her face. I thought about what I was doing with Nina. Suddenly, I heard a distressed squeal. I looked up. Sophia had pryed open Nina's door with a toothpick, and had seen us kissing.    Nina quickly got up. "Sophia!..." Sophia ran to her room and locked the door. "Sophia!" I cried. "Sophia, baby, please listen to me! I'm sorry!" "I was right about you! Go away, you flipping pimp!" That stung. "Sophia, please..." "It's better to leave her alone. I'll try to talk to her later. If you want, you can try to call her later. Right now, I've got to meet somebody." "Who?" I asked her. She gave me a sly grin. "You might find out later. Hopefully he'll help her get over Billy." We hugged and said good bye.     I felt like Tony. Who was kissing another girl. "Do you mind?" he snapped when he saw me. I turned to the Asian girl. "Did you know he had sex with twenty girls in one night?" I asked her. "What?" she said. She turned to Tony. "Is this true?" she said. Tony said he couldn't lie, wrapped his arms even tighter around his new "girlfriend", who grabbed her purse and left. "YOU LITTLE TART! DON'T YOU EVER THINK ABOUT ANYBODY BUT YOURSELF!" Tony snapped.    "YOU'RE THE REAL PLAYER HERE! YOU ARE THE MOST SELFISH PERSON I KNOW!" I yelled. "TONY! TOBIAS!" Mom pulled us apart. "You know what, Tobias, what you did today was pretty selfish too!" "Stay out of it! You are not involved in my love life!" I yelled at her. She looked surprised. "Maybe you don't need counseling, and should cut yourself." She said. That did it.     I went to my room, grabbed my pocketknife, called Sophia and told her I loved her and I was sorry, and slit my wrists, legs, chest, back, shoulders, cheeks, nose, eyebrows, midsection, and feet and hands. I laid in bed and let myself bleed. I called everyone I knew and left messages on their machines. I told them what I'd done. I wrote a will. Books go to friends and classmates, clothes go to charity, old toys in storage go to charity, laptop goes Sophia, blankets go to Nina...I heard the door crack and Mom started talking. "Tobias, honey, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean what I said..." she stopped and her mouth hung open when she saw me. "OH MY GOD! TOBIAS SHANE GRASS, WHAT DID YOU DO TO YOURSELF?" Without waiting for an answer, she called paramedics. "Yes, yes...he's covered in blood...I think he cut himself everywhere...yes...he's cut himself before..."       I found myself in an ambulance, Mom sobbing and I was drifting off to sleep. Or worse. Which is exactly what I wanted. I wanted to die. I wanted death.     Bright sunlight poured in. I was on a bed with an IV tube connected to me. The table had gifts and food on it. I opened the first card. Dad. It said "Hey, I just wanted you to know you're the greatest boy on the planet!!!" Below, in his handwriting, it said "Son, I'm so sorry! Your mother and I might get divorced. I used to own stocks in your and Tony's names. I sold them to a broker who sold them to Mom. When you turn 18, you'll own a million bucks! Here's some cash enclosed." An envelope had fallen out. It had two hundred dollars in it. The next one was from Mom. It said "You truly are a fantabulous boy and son! I love you!" Mom wrote "Tobias, I'm really sorry! You were right, I have nothing to do with your love life! Nina called and told me what really happened. Honey, I feel so guilty. I've called the therapist. She'll talk to you when you wake up. I also put some books you've been wanting on the table. I love you more than anything! Love Mom!" I looked at the table. I book I'd been wanting since it came out was on the table. I picked it up and flipped through it.     The door opened, and a nurse appeared. He took one look at me, closed the door, and went to get my family. A rose was on the table. Several, actually. They were paper and silk. They were from girls in my class. Notes and candy were also provided. Notes like 'I'm sorry!' and 'I miss you!'. The door opened again. My mother stood there, crying. She wrapped her arms around me and squeezed. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm so sorry..." she whispered. "Hey, I'm fine now. I know why you said what you did." I said. "Because I'm a selfish, bitchy, horrible mother. Worst parent of the year award." she said. "No," I told her. "That wasn't your fault. I was so caught up in my own problems, I wasn't thinking about everyone else." "No...son...that's not true either. You were stressed, and people tend to make more mistakes when they're stressed. Nina called me and told me what had happened. Son, I'm really sorry. I was just so upset with your father and the court, I suppose I wasn't thinking about your feelings. Or your love life. I have nothing to do with your love life, you were right about that."    If I'd made a list of days where my mother felt guilty for something she did to me, today would top the list. She offered me a present wrapped in green wrapping paper with glitter. I glanced at her and opened it.      My stomach flipped with curiosity as I opened the package. It was small, it could fit in the palm of my hand. A small black box covered in velvet was within. I opened it, and my stomach dropped to the floor. A beautiful gold men's ring sat there. "Two hundred carot pure gold," Mom said, grinning. I looked at her. "Gold is worth fifteen thousand dollars today!!" I told her. She nodded. "They were having a clearance. She told me they were secretly selling pure gold for sixty dollars." I felt surprised. "That's as much an antique chair," I said. She smiled coyly. I glanced down. My stomach seemed to plump up then flatten out when I laid back. I sat up again. It rounded out again and hung out several inches. I felt embarassed and unhappy. I groaned and fell back on the bed.    "What's wrong?" Mom asked. "How can somebody live with excess pudge?" I muttered. "I'm not quite understanding..." Mom said. "I'm nothing but fat! My gut is bigger than I ever thought it would be, and I wish it was gone!" Mom glanced at my gut. "Are you worried about the size of your stomach, son?" she said. "I wish it was gone." "Honey, everybody has something they don't like about themselves. Sometimes I wish I was a little more curvy. Your father wishes his penis wasn't so small. Speaking of which, how's yours?" she said. "Mine's the size of a walnut. It's a little itchy, though, and red. Red like Logan's hair. I think I need to see a doctor." "We'll get that checked out while we're here."     She got me coffee, and a hamburger and french fries. I let her have the toy. I nibbled on a fry and watched the TV. Lady Gaga's newest outfit was a dress made of wood and diamonds. Weird, but interesting. Her hair was in a huge bun spiraled on top of her head, like a beehive, except this one tipped back. Red lipstick, blue eyeshadow, huge eyelashes, purple blush. Talon-like nails that could be a cat's claws. I opened another card. It was from Maureen. 'Hey you. I'm really sorry things haven't been working out for you! If you want to talk, you can call me anytime!' She'd left a lipstick mark. I touched it and wondered if she really did have a crush on me. The next one was from Chloe. She left me kisses, a photo of her kissing me, lipgloss (which Mom stole), a razor, some earrings, a certificate for fifteen percent off my next tattoo, tickets to a stripper club (which Mom stole once again), a piece of her hair, and a photo of her breasts. Ruth gave me similar stuff.     Michael got me tickets to a basketball game I'd been interested in, Logan gave me a videocamera, Nina got me flowers and money, which she said was from both her and Sophia. Nina texted me and said she'd talked to Sophia. My girl said she'd talk to me, if I promised not to kiss her or Nina while she was there. She also brought her brother Kevin, who now hated me.     "So you're the dude who's been confusing my sisters." was his greeting. He was tall, thin, had a flat stomach (which I was jealous of), and a buzz cut. "Yeah. I'm Tobias." I told him. He just nodded, and left the room. Sophia and Nina entered. "Hey." I said. Sophia took a stomach pill. "Are you okay?" I asked. She nodded. "Sometimes I wonder if it was worth it to tell you so much about my life." she said. "It was, baby. I wanted to know more about you and I got my wish." She looked at me like I'd asked her to shove her hair in a dirty pool filter, and I realized I'd said the wrong thing.    I found myself telling her everything. Everything. She kept a firm grip on her handbag, like she was getting ready to leave. She'd dressed in a white sleeveless button down shirt with ruffles, and a pencil skirt. Her high heels were regular pumps. I soon found out why. "I have an interview with a magazine." she quickly said, and walked out. Nina stared at me. "That's what happened?" she said. I nodded. "Tobias..." her voice trailed off. I knew I had screwed up. I made mistakes. I got out my laptop and came up with an idea: Relationship Mistakes Blog. It would be a blog for guys to write down thier mistakes in crushes and relationships. They could give each other advice, support, ask questions, and love.    I told Nina about my idea. Her eyes lit up. "That gives me an idea!" she said. "Okay, you know Sophia, Maureen and I own that one website for girls, right?" "Yeah?" "We could support it off of there! I'll need a hundred bucks, though." I reached into my wallet. "Tobias, you don't have to do anything. Besides, you just got some money." I gave her a hundred dollar bill that had been in my wallet for years. She set it on my stomach. I gave it back to her. "Take it. You'll need it." I told her.     I called Sophia twice and texted her five times. I checked my phone every two minutes. I wanted to know that she trusted and loved me. But no, I'd lost both. I had to open my fat mouth and kiss Nina. I wanted to forget it all happened. I wanted to change time. My theory about time was, that the time machine had in fact been invented, the government didn't want us to know about it.     My heart broke. I knew I'd lost her. I put on Celine Dion's 'My Heart Will Go On'. I suddenly wanted to see Titanic. I asked Mom if we had it. She said yes. She'd even brought it. I started it where Rose was saving her boyfriend.     I ate until I was stuffed. I ate nothing but junk and fast food. My mother told me my stomach would explode if I wasn't careful. She left and I continued to open cards and gifts. A notebook from the science Mr. Reed. My other one was almost full. A rose from the history Mr. Reed, which I found odd. Mr. Johnson gave me a ruler and a protractor. His card said 'I'm sorry you don't feel good kid. Keep up the good work!'     I felt like crying. I put the stuff down, and sobbed. I thought about Nina, Sophia, Chloe, Ruth, Maureen, Logan, Michael, David, all of them. I eventually fell asleep. When I woke up, a hot breakfast was waiting beside me and another table with books and a box was waiting. I felt confused. I grasped the box and opened it. Inside was money. Thousands of dollars. I texted Nina. She told me that my idea had been summoned and already it was as big as YouTube or Facebook. She told me to create a Twitter account and if I needed to, call a broker. Or therapist. I felt my stomach give a loud growl. I felt it vibrate with hunger and protest. I looked at breakfast. Bacon, eggs, toast, milk, juice. I didn't want any of it. I shoved it away. "Why aren't you eating?" my nurse, his name was Mitch Cline, said. "I don't want it." "Why? Are you not hungry?" "No, I'm a fat guy and I need my girl." He raised one eyebrow. "Do you want me to get you something healthier?" "I don't want food." "Tobias, you need to eat. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day." "All right, something better." He took the plate away, muttering "Stubborn kid. Well, I should be a little nice to him. Just because my wife cheated on me doesn't mean I should make his love life worse."     He had curly hair, big blue eyes, a little tubby, and wore green scrubs. He brought me a fresh NutriGrain Bar, and some milk. "Hey, sorry for being rude. My wife cheated on me." "Okay. I'm sorry too." "Eh, she's a real bitch anyway. Calls me names, chokes my dog, and throws stuff." "Oh, why don't you leave her?" "I will. She's a little possessive, too." "Okay." "RIng this if you need anything." He gave me a bell. Not like a cowbell, like a buzzer. "It's technically attached to a button on my shirt. And if there's a real emergency, like if you're choking or having a seizure, pull this." He showed me a red rope. "Uh, I think that's it. Do you need anything else?" "No, I'm fine." "All right then. See ya." "See ya."     He left the room. I texted my mother. 'How long do I have 2 stay here?' Didn't take long for her to answer. 'Until all your wounds heal enough for u to leave.' 'Tht could take days!' 'The longest ur staying here is three days. Ur father and I will still work and go home. Btw, ur brother got his appendix taken out. He had appendictis.' 'Oh. How will school happen?' 'Your teachers will send your homework there. Btw, ur history teacher Mr. Reed sent multicolored roses. Tht was nice. U shold thank him.' 'Yea I shold.'     I saw Nina an hour later. Sophia was with her. I wanted to kiss her, but she wouldn't stand more than a foot away. "I'm sorry!" I said. "Not until you explain what happened and why." she told me. I gazed at her dress. Her hair was wavy and she wore the green dress I'd liked. "I thought I could trust you. I even broke up with my boyfriend for you!" She made me angry, despite her beauty. "That's not the reason you broke up with him!" She looked shocked.     "You broke up with him because he did pot! You broke up with because he was obsessed with you! You broke up with him because he was in a dangerous gang! You broke up with him because he wanted to have sex! You weren't ready because of Kalonice...!"     Tears spilled over her cheeks and she ran out of the room. Nina went after her. I realized this time I really had lost her.       I wanted to go after her. I wanted to apologize and kiss and hold her. I turned away from the door. "You're laying on your IV arm," Mitch said. "I know." I said. "Well stop. You're going to make yourself bleed." He said. He turned me over, and squinted at me. "What?" I asked, annoyed. "Oh my god." was all he said.     He came in right after, dragging a beautiful blond doctor with him. "...he's got all the signs of it, his heart rate is fine, he's depressed, he tried to kill himself..." The doctor turned on a flashlight and shined in my eyes. "What's going on?" I asked. "His temperature seems fine, he's a little pale, his lips are dry. He needs chapstick. Right now." she turned to Mitch, who opened a drawer and produced LipSmackers. I shook my head. He smirked. "Son, you need it. Lick your lips." I licked them. They were chapped. "What flavor is it?" "Strawberry."     I smoothed it on my lips and felt the flavor come off. "Tobias?" "Hmm?" "We'll need to run some tests." "Why?" "We think you might have a rare disease. It's psychological, it penetrates your mind. It has to do with unbearable love." My stomach flipped.     They called my mother and father. My father was at Burger King, where he was working until he found a real job. They agreed to fill out some paperwork, but no one would tell me what they thought I had. "No, it'll embarass him." my mother told Mitch. "Will somebody just tell me what I have!" I was becoming desperate.     Mitch finally told me after Mom left the hospital two hours later. "Tobias, we think you have..." he gulped. "...Obsessed Ex Syndrome." I was shocked. "But I never really dated her! How can I have that?" His eyes got big. "Who is she?" I realized I'd said too much. "Sophia Martinez." "The girl who was crying?" "Yes." "Tobias, listen to me carefully. This is a serious condition. It leads to stalking, and sometimes murder. The 'husband kills wife' stories you hear, they are almost always actually divorced or separated. Does your mother know you like this girl?" I gulped. "Mom, Dad, Tony." "I'll be back." He came back in exactly five minutes.    I felt like I had to call Michael. But he'd dated Nina. Would he even like me anymore? Besides Logan, who is a complete jerk and a total idiot who says whatever's on his mind, Michael is my closest guy friend. I know enough about him to know that his father suffers from obesity, and it used to be worse, and his mother bakes spinach brownies, and she was hot in high school, and when Michael's brother broke his leg, he spoke Greek so nobody except his father could understand him.     "You'll need real counseling and other things to get over this girl," Mitch told me. I didn't say anything. He shuffled some papers and organized them on the floor cabinet. "All right, I'll let you go. If you get hungry or want a snack, buzzer me. If I'm not working I'll be there soon." "Uh, Mitch?" "Yes?" "I'm starving right now." It was a white lie, of course. And he knew it. "You're a predictable guy, Tobias. What do you want?" "Something fried or chocolatey." "All right. See ya." "See ya."    He came back with chocolate milk and chicken strips and fries from McDonald's. I nibbled on them. I watched a movie I'd never seen, but it had been advertised. I hated my body. That's all I thought. All I was thinking. Maybe if I got a new body and became a huge deal wrestler, Sophia would want me back.      "That's superficial thinking, Tobias Grass. What women really want is a nice personality. My wife didn't care that I was fat. I'm still fat today, but even more so two years ago. What you need, sir, is some sort of book that tells boys what girls really want." I suddenly remembered the book. "There's one in my room, actually. It's on my desk. It's called What Girls Really Want, A Guys Guide To Girls." He nodded. "I'll talk to your mother. In the meantime, why don't you rest a little bit. You'll need it when you go back to school. Your bully is in bigger trouble than he ever imagined, and he knows it. Your principal and one of your teachers, Mr. Reed, the one in your history class, would like to talk to you about it. See you next time."     By now, it was way past lunch, and I was starving. I buzzed Mitch. He opened the door. "Yes Tobias?" "I would really appreciate if you brought me some food. And can you please close the curtains?" He closed them. "Tobias, I'm well aware that you're hungry. Your hunger may be even greater for love than food soon. You may wish to stay away from your friend and her sister." I felt like he'd shot me in the heart. I quietly nibbled from the chips he'd brought me. I was getting more food and gifts and cards. I secretly felt flattered, but I wanted to get out of the hospital. Mom had made a box for the cards and gifts. She had already made boxes for cards for the family, 'for later memories.' She brought it over.     I wanted to die again. I wanted to grab the nearest knife and get it over with. I fell asleep wishing for either a knife or a time machine. I fell asleep crying. When I woke up, I looked at the clock. I'd slept until ten, and fallen asleep at four. I was depressed and exhausted. I didn't want to admit it, though. I missed Sophia. I missed Nina. I missed everybody. I pressed the buzzer. He didn't come until two hours later. "Sorry, I was helping with an operation on a man who needed liposuction." "I need that, too. Maybe everybody will like me then." "Don't be so negative. Look, I'll bring you food. What do you want?" "Something full of fat and grease. What's the use of trying?" He narrowed his eyebrows.     School wasn't that bad. My teachers either sent me homework or gave me an A. My dreams were plenty vivid. I was either running from Billy or kissing Sophia mostly. I didn't like either of those dreams. Sometimes Maureen would tell me she still loved me and had since preschool. I told her I didn't love her, and she would cry. Her hair become so blonde it blocked out the sun. Sun was always gone. Not the sun sun, a classmate named Sun. He would come back with a broken wrist, arms, legs, neck, etc.     I knew everyone would stare at me when I got back to school. I decided to ignore them. If anyone else bullies me, whatever. I'd been pushed, shoved, kicked, punched, almost stabbed, and totally beaten by the same guy who secretly ate paste mixed with grass in grade school. I realized suddenly just how pathetic he was, and how pathetic I'd been. I'd been afraid of him for two years, and it escalated. First it started with the teasing, 'Look at Mr. Fatty', then went to punching and kicking me, and all I'd done was cry in secret. By now everybody knew he was bullying me. I knew he had to stop. But the only person who could really make him stop, was me. I needed him to stop now. I spent five minutes thinking.     Then Mitch came in. I'd already decided what to say to Billy. He'd heard my voice before, but I'd begged him to stop, not told him! "Please don't hurt me!" "Why do you do this to me?" All his answers were "Because you're a fat nerd!!" and then he'd hit me again. He'd gotten detention so many times, just for beating me up, it was stupid. And I'd missed so much school because of him, it was ridiculous. Then I realized why Mom and Dad let me stay home after a supposed tornado hit. They wanted me to stay away from him. Mitch handed me a cheeseburger. "Are you all right, Tobias?" He felt my forehead. "You've got a fever. I'll bring some juice and ice."    He brought some orange juice and ice. Tell me if you need anything else." he said. He walked out of the room.My mother visited me. I wasn't able to take a shower, but they did leave me a wet washcloth. And Mom had brought me new cologne. I quickly dotted my face, chest, stomach, and arms. I sprayed on cologne. I combed my hair. I looked in the mirror and winced. Had it gotten blonder? I had used some new hair gel Tony had bought for me. I looked at the label. It said 'Warning! May turn brown hair blonde, and blonde hair lighter.'     Mom was not happy. She called Tony after she noticed my new hair color. She took the gel. "It turned his hair lighter, honey. It even says on the label it may turn blonde hair lighter. All right, it's too late now anyway. We can dye his hair..." "No!" She looked at me. "Do you remember the time my hair turned green after I got out of the pool? You insisted I dye it, so you took me to this guy who was flirting with me and wasn't paying attention. He used the wrong dye, and it turned my hair purple! It slowly faded to pink. Dad had to buy a wig. It was so embarassing." I blushed at the memory. People took pictures of my hair. And of me. My hair was longer then, so we cut it anyway. "Do you want to leave it alone?" Mom asked. "Yes. I'll just wash it. No more hair dye." She looked at the gel. "Do you want to toss or save this?" An idea slowly formed in my mind. "I'll save that, actually. Trust me, he'll wish he'd read the label." My mother smiled. "I didn't know you could be so bad. You're a really good kid, Tobias." I blushed.    I wanted to see Sophia. I called her several times. "Wait for her to come to you," Mom said. "Or if she doesn't, you'll have to admit that maybe you weren't supposed to date. If she wants to stay friends, stay friends. If she..." "WILL YOU STOP THAT ALREADY!!" My mother looked shocked. "Tobias...I was just trying to help.." "Well, stop! I already know all this stuff! I don't need a reminder that she might never want to speak to me again!"     Mom didn't give me any more advice after I said that. Mitch pulled the IV out of my arm. it was time for me to leave. I left with a heavy heart, knowing I'd lost Sophia. I went to my room. I cleaned out my backpack. Textbooks, gum wrapper, pencils, pen, glue, scissors, notebooks, folders, binder. I organized it starting with my heavist textbook.    I walked through the halls. Cleaning my backpack was worth it. My back felt much better. I heard whispers and occasional snickering. Like I'd planned, I ignored them. Grandma was right when she said that ignoring the gossipers and bullies is a sign of strength. I opened my locker, and found an envelope. All it said was 'Tobias Grass. If you are not him, give this to him.' I was him. I opened it up. It had a number and it said 'If you ever need something, call me!'. The number was 785-170-4389. I put it in my cell, and put my books away. I'd ruined my reputation in less than a week. Michael wasn't speaking to me. Duh, I'd kissed his ex. "So Tobias..." I felt soft fingers with talon-like nails scraping the back of my neck. "Tell me why you kissed her when you were meant to kiss me." I turned around and faced Chloe. I decided to be honest and direct. "Chloe, I'm not interested in you. I'm not ready for a relationship, and I wasn't ready when I kissed Sophia. Or Nina." I was being taped and watched, but I pretended not to care.     "Did you give me this?" I asked, even though it was a stupid question. Chloe has nice handwriting, and this was definitely a guy's handwriting. "Hell no." she said as she walked away. I wrote down who it could be. It wasn't Nina or Sophia. It would be Ruth, Maureen, or a secret admirer. I wrote down who all it could be.     Who It Could Be  Ruth  Maureen  Mr. Reed? (History)  Mia Flinder (Shy Girl Who Giggles Around Boys)  Bella Flinder (Mia's Sister Who Copies Her)    I knew it could be anyone else. I went to my first class. Mr. Kurl was surprised to see me. "School hasn't even begun yet, Tobias." "I don't have anywhere else to go." "I understand." he said. As he wrote the assignment on the board, I opened up my planner. I'd missed enough school that I couldn't afford to miss another day or assignment. I figured I might as well get caught up. I wrote the number down. "How'd you get that number?" Mr. Kurl asked, leaning over my desk. "I found it in my locker," I told him truthfully. He blinked and sucked in his stomach for a second. "That's a teacher's number." he said. I looked up at him. "That's...awkward." I said.     "You being fat or in the hospital?" Billy sneered. Mr. Kurl shot him a look. "I'll talk to him. Don't call him." "Okay." My stomach got a cramp. I'd eaten so much junk lately, my stomach couldn't handle it. I listened to Mr. Kurl's lecture carefully. "What does it usually mean when somebody has jet-black eyes like an alien?" "They have no soul." somebody said. "That's right, they have no soul, they don't care. This guy's spent so much time alone hunting animals, he turned to murder."    We continued to read the story, and Mr.Kurl passed out a worksheet about the story. My stomach lurched. He'd given hard questions. On top of it, he wouldn't let us use the story. "What is this, a memory test?" someone mumbled. Mr. Kurl grinned. "Somewhat. I want to see how much you remember from reading short stories." "We've all read Clifford The Big Red Dog," someone else muttered. "How much do you remember?" Mr. Kurl said. "That's what I thought."     I turned mine in. "Tobias, wait." "Is there a problem?" "Yes. Did you copy off someone?" I blinked. "No. Why would I copy off someone?" "Yours looks exactly like Billy's." "Well, maybe we got the same answers." "I don't believe you. Go to the office." I grabbed my stuff and left. I figured maybe he was having a bad morning. As I passed Nina's locker, I heard my name being called.     "Tobias, wait. I remembered how untruthful Billy is and how often you've lied. And I caught Billy copying someone else. I apologize. I went over your work and gave you an A+. Not because I feel bad, well, partially, but mainly because you deserve it. The other person got a B and Billy got an F. Come on." Mr. Kurl escorted me back to the classroom. Mr. Kurl tried to open the door, but it was locked. "Tom, this isn't funny." He knocked on the door. "Whatever, losers!" said a familiar voice.       "What is going on?" the principal, Mr. Vere, said. He's black and looks a lot like Michael Jordan. Mr. Kurl told him what happened. Mr. Vere pounded on the door. "Tom, if you open this door now, it won't go on your record." I saw his fingers crossed behind his back. Mr. Vere was used to seeing Billy, and just about had enough of him. The resource officer, Officer Veronica Johnson, was walking down the other hallway. "What's going on?" she asked. "Tom won't let us in." Mr. Vere said. Officer Johnson called the janitor. He tried, but even he couldn't open the door. Other teachers and secretaries came over. The cops were called.     "Tom, if you open this door right now, we won't have any problems." a hot cop said. Billy peeked through. "You're hot but you're a cop!" he sang. Everyone inside the room giggled. "Tobias?" a cop said. "Yes?" I looked at him. Then I realized what he wanted. "Oh, lord." I cussed. I kicked the door and it fell off it's hinges. The cops arrested Billy. Billy looked at me with hatred. I walked into the room. Everybody looked impressed.       I got to go to my other class early. I stopped Michael when he came out of his class. He tried to ignore me. "All right, I'll tell you anyway. I honestly thought Sophia wouldn't find out. I used to like Nina, and she likes me. Neither one of us thought you would figure it out." "I'm not stupid." he muttered as he got his science book out. "I know. You're a pretty smart guy. Look, neither one of us meant to hurt you." "Nina asked me out yesterday. She wanted to get back together. I told her to shut up, called her ugly, and said 'I hope I never see your fat ass ever again.' I regret it now. I think I know what happened. It was meant to be a quick kiss. I felt so bad for cheating on Nina, especially since we were friends. Then you kissed her and she and Sophia found out you liked both of them. They got upset. Nina even erased your number. Sophia did, too." My heart fell into a million pieces when he said this.     "Nina said 'Michael, do you want to get back together? Britney Spears is in town this week with Enimem.' I said what I said. Tobias, I'd be with her now if I'd been thinking. I would have called you, but you know how jealous I get. I erased her number right there, and she ran off crying. Sophia called me two-faced, heartless, bastard, idiot, controlling, jealous, and totally uncool. In that order. I had had a great thing with Nina. I screwed up, and she forgave me. I screwed up again, now she's erased my number and not talking or texting me. She tried to explain things. I wouldn't listen." "Why are you listening now?" He grinned. "Because you're persistent and hard to ignore. Are we bros again?" "Yeah." We did the guy hug/handshake. "Question: Can you help me with Nina?" he asked. "I wish I could. She's not talking to me, either. I made Sophia cry." "What did you do?" "I'll explain later."    I heard a loud slam. "The cops let Billy go." Michael muttered. My stomach felt queasy. "You will always be mine!" he shouted in her face. She was crying. I felt jealousy and courage working it's way into my heart. I walked over there. Michael followed me. "Get off of her! You just want somebody to love you because you're so insecure." He glared at me. "Oh, I'm the insecure one? Look in the mirror, Pudgy!" Some people laughed. Michael glared at them. David approached Billy. "You know what, Thomas? The only one who's showing real courage is Tobias! He's gone through so much, I'd be dead by now, but he's still alive. That means he's strong. He's much stronger than you've ever been!" Billy punched David in the gut so hard, he sent him across the room. I felt one going for my gut. I ducked. Billy punched a locker instead. When he went for me again, I grabbed his arm and held him in a half nelson until Officer Johnson arrived.     I looked around the room.Most people were looking at me. Most had surprise and/or gratitude on their faces. Sophia fell. I grabbed her. She was out cold. I gave her a kiss on the lips. Nothing. The nurse and Mr.Kurl carried her to the nurse's room. My already broken heart broke a little more. Nina sent me a text. 'Thx 4 saving my sis' 'Will you forgive me? I'm sorry. I'm so sry. I truly am.' No text back.    When I walked into science later that day, Mr. Reed bent over my desk. "I'm proud of you. You showed courage and finally stood up to him, and saved somebody else." "But I still don't have my best friend or a girlfriend." "They'll forgive you in time. Let them cool off, then explain what happened. Nobody really knows or can explain in better detail than you can. You are the only one who can explain everything." He ruffled my hair.     I sat down on the benches after school again. Sophia sat opposite of me. She had a black eye. We ignored each other. Well, she did. "Sophia, I'm sorry." When I tried to explain what had happened between us, she put in her iPod. Tony pulled up. "Good bye." I said. Deep inside, I knew it would be the last thing I ever said to her. I felt like crying. Not in front of my brother. "Tobias, I said I'm sorry. You said you were sorry, and I forgave you. My girlfriend at the time won't speak to me anymore, but I found out she had two boyfriends at the time. Tobias?" I wiped a tear away. Tony didn't say anything else.     I laid in bed and cried. I missed Sophia and Nina so much. I would keep their numbers forever, but I would never speak to them again. I eventually fell asleep, and woke up to fresh bacon frying. I realized I'd overslept a little bit. I saw a note from Dad. 'Hey son. School is canceled because of yesterday. I'm proud of you. They even showed it on the news, and your mother asked for a copy. Bacon and pancakes downstairs, blueberry and chocolate chip. Out of all the people I know, you deserve it the most. I went to a job interview. I'll be back at ten or later. Love you.'     I borrowed Tony's robe, and went downstairs. I nibbled on a chocolate chip pancake. It reminded me of Nina's lip gloss when we had kissed. After breakfast, I turned on my bath. I laid in the hot bubbles. My cell phone vibrated. 'You should have stayed dead. You died legally for four seconds. Go ahead, kill urself again.'     I sent it to Dad, and said 'This got sent to me.' He didn't respond. He got back at ten, like he promised. "Tobias, let me see the text." I gave him my phone. "I used to be a teacher at your school." he mumbled, staring at my phone. "Bullying wasn't nearly as bad as this. Personally, I think your bully's parents don't care. Or act like he's perfect. I've dealt with both types of parents. The first is the hardest to get through. I'll call your principal and file a complaint." He saved the text.     He popped in a movie. The third Harry Potter. "It's all my fault." I muttered. "No, it's not." my father kissed my head. "Don't ever think that you are to blame for this. It's really partially my fault. Your mother and I have known about this ever since the first push. I really wish we would have done something, then it wouldn't have gotten so out of control." "Dad, how old are you?" He looked at me.     "I'm fifty six years old, son." he said. "I'm about a decade older than your mother. Tobias, I love you more than anything. If I had lost you, I don't know what I would have done. I'd have lost another kid." "Another?" I asked. "Yes, honey. You had a sister. She would be two years older than Tony. She died after you were born. Her name was Teresa. Man, she loved you. She was always trying to play with you. If you want, I have some pictures." "Yeah."    He got out old albums. There was pictures. There was one with Dad without his shirt on, and I was on my stomach on his stomach. A little girl with brunette hair was beside us. She had a Barbie doll. I leaned on my father, and stared at the pictures. There was one where she was carrying a specific brown purse Mom never uses and keeps in a clear plastic tub filled with old toys.     My sister was very young when she died. Dad said I was four months. She had been playing in the street, and a drunk driver ran her over. That's when Mom became a lawyer, because she wanted her money. Unfortunately, she couldn't do it. She did hire a good lawyer, though. "That's why Mom works on child cases and why she works so hard?" I asked. "Yes." Dad said.     I leaned on him and watched The Prisoner Of Azkaban. I didn't want to think about Sophia or Nina. Instead I thought about Billy and what would happen to him. He'd be in trouble. For hurting me. How many other people had he hurt? He'd shoved Sophia against metal and made her cry. He'd punched David in the stomach. The only reason why David and I texted each other (We had nothing in common, we wouldn't have met except probably through Nina), was because he'd saved my head once. I had been waiting for Tony, then some muggers came along and almost killed me. I'd forgotten my wallet, and left my phone in my locker by accident, which I don't do anymore.    David had snapped a picture of them from a distance, and threatened to call the cops if they did anything to me. He also pretended to have a pocketknife. The muggers were stupid, two of them had knives. After that, I owed him my life.     Dad stretched and went into the kitchen for a beer. "Do you want anything, son?" "Do we have anything chocolate in there?" "You go after chocolate like a woman! Yes, your mother has a 'secret stash' hidden in the cabinet." "Don't tell him that!" Mom said, coming in. "Well?" Dad asked. Mom ushered him into the extra bedroom. They think it's soundproof, but it's not.    "Tom Paers is going to find his dumb butt in jail soon. He pushed Sophia and threatened her, threatened Michael, gave Logan McCree, Tobias' friend, a broken nose. He's also punched David Finn in the belly so hard it threw him across the hall, threatened some geek Tobias' age, (wow, Mom) broken into a soda machine, stole roses from a floral shop and gave them to Sophia, and he's also threatened and hit somebody from another school. His parents are going to find a huge bill in their mailbox some day. The flowers cost two dollars, the soda machine is repaired, but it cost two hundred dollars to get it fixed, and Logan's mom is threatening a lawsuit. "    I texted Logan. 'When did Billy The Bum/Bear break your nose?' 'Yesterday, wen he hit David and pushed Sophia. Lindsays pissed at me.' 'Y?' 'She thinks i told hur ex tht i wanted 2 stab him.he said thts not it. this girl told him she wanted 2 reach down Linds throat and pull her heart out.' 'Wow! Y wood she say tht, Linds is really sweet and funny.'     'Aparently its a case of jelousy.The otha girl is none other then Maureen herself. We all like her, but she gets jelous. the boi is her ex 2, but Linds didn't kno it.wat confuses me is tht Maureen dosnt like me & shes dating Rick, the guy from CHS. our schol is big, but news spreads fast. Somebody told me u and Nina got into a fite.' My heart broke at this reminder. 'Yea, dont worry bout it, ill tell ya later. I gtg.' 'K. see ya hot stuff.' I rolled my eyes.    "Whaddup with the eye ceiling thing?" Whenever somebody rolls their eyes, my brother refers to it as 'the eye ceiling thing'. "Logan called me hot stuff." "Oh. The dork owes me cash." "What? Oh, the bet? Actually, you owe him money." Tony did 'the eye ceiling thing'. Much to my amusement, he walked over to the computer and typed 'How To Get Your Exgirlfriend back.' I wanted to type the same, though we really hadn't dated.     I walked into my room and called her. "What?" she said, sounding sleepy. "Sophia, I have to tell you the truth. I know what I did was wrong. I shouldn't have kissed your sister. Truth is, I used to have a crush on her." "Is that why you told me you loved me? Why did you fall for me?" "No and I couldn't control it. Sophia, you're beautiful." "So is Nin." "I know. Sophia, I'm really sorry. Meet me at Regents Park and I'll explain everything." "Whatevs. This had better be good. Otherwise, I'm signing up for Match.com or VampireFreaks.com." "Vampire Freaks?" "It's a dating and friend site for goths, trenchies, emos, punks, whatever." "I'll be there. I promise with all my heart." "Cheesy. But classic. Total PlayBoy sentence. See ya, dork."     I felt stung at her last sentence. I loved this girl, and she called me a dork. I went to Regents Park, which I didn't live far from. I told Tony where I was going, and left. It was chilly, so I brought my leather jacket.     I managed to get there. I saw Mr. Johnson jogging again. He saw me and waved. I waved back. His tank top was even tighter. Now you could see the shape of his abs. He had a ten pack. His iPod was plugged in his ears, and a lot of the moms and girls noticed him. I saw Spring. She was with a guy with blond hair, a leather jacket, and he had a ponytail. I knew Tony would be jealous. She saw me but she ignored me. I wondered what Tony had done exactly. I'd find out later. Meanwhile, I saw her across the grass. She was wearing a blue t-shirt with a strip of camisole showing. She wore sweatpants from Victoria's Secret and mocassins. Her hair was loose and flowing, and her makeup was natural.     I tried to kiss her but she pushed me away. "After you explain and after I think it's worth it." "Sophia, I did have a crush on Nina. But that was years ago. Like in third grade. We've kissed before, but we were playing a game." "So you told me you loved me to get to my sister?" "No, we were playing Truth Or Dare. And that was last year." "Tobias, I had a crush on you last year." "You did?" "Yes. How long have you been crushing on me?" "Since this year." She got up and left. "Sophia...wait!" "It's not worth it!" she called over her shoulder.    My heart broken and my attempt failed, I went home immediately. Dad had stopped by McDonald's for lunch. I sat down and nibbled on a fry. "Are you all right, son?" Dad asked. "I tried to talk to Sophia. She won't listen." "Give her time, honey. She'll forgive you eventually." My heart would never recover from this, I knew. I thought about what would happen if I'd never kissed her that fateful day. Maybe this was fate. I'd sworn I'd never fall in true love again after what happened with Rogue.    I realized I was over Rogue. But was Jake, my ex-best friend, the one I'd told all my secrets to? I did see him occasionally. He'd given me his new number. I texted him quickly. 'R u over Rogue?' 'U total geek. Of course not! was it worth losing you only to be dumped by her a year later for some model with a six pack? No. i missed u more than i realized. i kno i sound girly. but its truth. btw, i'm the one who put tht note in ur locker. hes my uncle, they both r. they have another brother whos my real dad. anotha reason y they like u.specially Matt, ur history teacher. he picks me up and drops me off home. & yea, hes gay. every1 talks bout it. u look a lot like his old boyfriend who died a few years ago. thts y he likes u best. sides me.'     I felt sorry for Mr. Kurl. He'd lost someone he loved. Who looked like me. Jake sent me a picture. It was my teacher, leaning on someone's shoulder. This guy was tall, a little chubby, had long blond hair, big brown eyes, everything. He really did look like me. No wonder.     I stared at the ceiling, wishing for a miracle. A love expert. One clue, one piece of advice. I thought back through the last few weeks. Nothing. I stared at the stupid book, What Girls Really Want: A Guy's Guide To Girls. Had Tony given me it? Had Dad or Mom thought it was mine? I decided to figure that out. I went to Tony's room.    "What?" he asked. He was totally naked, except for Joe Boxers. I could seeing he'd been stuffing himself with junk food since Spring broke up with him.” Is this yours?" I asked, holding up the book. He squinted at it. "Used to be. I finished it a few weeks ago. I thought you might want it. FYI, your shirt is on backward." I looked down and realized he wasn't kidding. I switched it around.    The relationship between Tony and I hadn't been the greatest lately. Was he still mad at me for ruining his kiss-session? If he was, he wouldn't have told me my shirt was on backward. He'd been spending a lot of time in his room lately, reading or watching TV. His futon was dirty and full of food crumbs. A soda had been spilled on his carpet. Mom and Dad were worried about him.     Tony had forgiven Dad a long time ago, and so had I. Dad was in therapy and would talk to Mom if something was bothering him. I felt hopeless. I felt like nothing could help me now. I’d screwed up my whole love life. Dad was married and loved my mother more than words could say, but he’d lost her trust. She still loved him, but she was unsure if she could trust him. She was working a lot to keep her mind off things. Dad missed her. She walked in now, looking exhausted. “Honey, I want to talk to you. Tobias, come here.” Dad said. Dad showed her the text I’d gotten. She looked at him. “Will you talk to someone?”     “Of course. He is our son.” Mom did a double take. “Joseph...” “Baby, I’ve realized something.” He took her hand and kissed it and touched his face with it. “I know it’s our boys. We both made them. I won’t let another child die, even if I have to die myself. I tried to imagine a life without them at all, but I can’t. The time I spent away from them was hell. I couldn’t live without them. I even cut myself, trying to relieve pain.” He showed us his wrist, which was covered in scars and marks. Even dried blood from fresh wounds.    His hair was long, tousled, and damp from a shower. Dad looked at us. “Tony, Tobias, come here.” We sat down beside each other. Mom went to get some wine and cheese. “Boys, I love you so much. I don’t know what I’d do if I ever lost you. I apologize for the way I’ve treated you both. Especially you, Tony.” He paused for a second. “Come here.” We leaned forward and he hugged and kissed us.     We went to watch a movie. “The Scarlet Letter or Sarah Plain And Tall?” Mom said, getting on her knees to put the movie in the DVR. “Sarah.” Tony said. “All right, then.” Mom said, putting the movie in. “No, Sarah sent me a text. It says ‘Ur bros a rotten cheater and so r u. He followed in ur footsteps. Wen u get the chance ull buy a stripper pole. Spring called me a t-w-a-t cuz I find u incredible!!! But also I find u a total cheat and I sholdnt b in love wit u!’ Wow, she has probs.” Tony gave me a smile that was full of humor, ‘Can you believe this chick?’, and love. “I’m not dating a girl who calls my brother a cheater. Those days are over. Now I know how Rita felt when I dumped her for being a bad kisser.” “Good boy. I won’t let you date someone like that anymore.” Tony ignored him.     He said ‘I wont date any1 who says tht about my bro. sry my ex called u tht. She still likes me.’ I stared at the TV screen and we watched the movie. After the movie I went to my room. I decided to take a short nap. I set my alarm clock for twenty minutes. I fell asleep wanting my life to end.    I heard a loud song by a heavy metal band. I realized it was on Tony’s friend’s favorite station. He’s always pulling tricks like that. Tony, not Antonio. I found myself wanting Sophia. If I had another chance, if I could go back… I couldn’t. I went to see what was happening elsewhere. My stomach growled loudly. I felt a vibration in it. Well, duh, Tobias. You’re fat and you’re hungry. “Where’s Tobias?” I heard my father ask. “He went to take a nap twenty one minutes ago. Oh, he’s back.” My brother said.    I yawned and rubbed my eye. I laid on the floor. I became pummeled with doggy claws and kisses. Jazz was happy to see me. Girlfriend licked my face. “Hey, baby.” I petted my dog and her boyfriend. I hadn’t been paying much attention to her. I scratched her pretty ears. She rolled over on her back, wanting her belly rubbed. Tony scratched Jazz and I played with Girlfriend. Dad got the video camera out.     For thirty minutes, we played with our dogs. I stole Girlfriend’s carrot from her and made her so dizzy she fell over. Dad laughed. Tony tried to teach Jazz to play dead. Both our reputations were wrecked, but we had each other, our dogs, and parents.     Girlfriend wanted a treat. I told her to say ‘I love you.’ “I love you!” To my amazement, here’s what happened in a dog voice, “I love you, Tobias!” Dad grinned and Tony laughed. I felt incredible. I hadn’t felt this happy in a long time. Not even with Sophia. Justin Bieber’s ‘Baby’ came on the radio. I gave my dog a treat. She gave me an ‘I’m innocent’ look. Tony and I both felt happy. I nibbled on some caviar left on the table. Caviar is a rich food, and a lot of rich people eat it, but it really doesn’t cost much, depending on the fish eggs. That’s basically all it is, raw fish eggs.     Dad had recently gotten a police scanner for free. Supposedly, it didn’t work. Now it did. A male voice came on, “There’s been a robbery at Sixty five Sweet Street. Black male, long black pants, navy shirt, wearing Nikes. The second male is Asian, white pants, navy shirt. There might also be a female, white, long brunette hair, black pants, black tank top, wearing high heels.” “What color are the shoes?” “Grey for the Nikes, black sandal-like high heels.” “Canine units on the scene. No sign of the suspects…except…oh, here’s an earring. Large silver hoop. Also a ring, wedding ring. Are any of them married?” “The female and the black male are married together.” “Ten-four.” “Stop right there or you’ll get bit by the dog!” “Asian male spotted. Officer Davis and Canine Auggie are there.”     I leaned on my stomach and stared at Girlfriend. She licked my face like a Boston Terrier. I remembered my old Boston Terrier. Man, I loved that dog. Her name was Lilyann. Mom named her. I had just taken her for a walk when she collapsed. I wondered if I’d overheated her. Dad assured me it wasn’t my fault, and we rushed her to the vet. She had a brain tumor and we had to put her down. It happened to be the day before my birthday. Worst birthday ever. A year later, I got Girlfriend as a Christmas present from Mom. She was an extremely obnoxious puppy, worse than a Labrador.     Sometimes I still wonder if there’s anything I could have done. Feed her a different food, take her on less walks, give her some special medication.    “So what are you doing for your and Mom’s anniversary?” I said, hoping to think about something else. “Probably drive to Kansas City or go to New York again.” Dad said. As usual. On their honeymoon, they’d gone to Paris and went to several big cities. “Cool.” Tony said. Their anniversary was in a few weeks. Tony and I usually stayed at Michael’s.     I got to bed early. The next morning, I went to my bathroom. As I took a shower, I noticed some loose skin on my gut. I’d lost some weight! But how much? I stepped on the scale. I lost two pounds. Just two pounds. I’d lost my appetite lately. Maybe that was it, I was eating less. I combed my hair, which was ridiculously long now. I could have put it in a ponytail if I wanted to. Not really, I was being dramatic. I brushed my teeth until they sparkled and I could use them for a squeak horn. I dressed in grey jeans and a blue shirt. I didn’t like the way you could see my bellybutton. I ignored it.     There was a man in my kitchen. He looked familiar somehow. Brown curly hair, navy jeans, an olive green flannel shirt. “Mr. Reed, what are you doing here?” He turned around, and I realized it was my history one. “Hello, Tobias. I heard about what happened between you and Jake. I’m sorry.” “It’s all right, it happened a year ago.” “No, I mean, I…I’m sorry about what happened between you and I. I made a mistake. It’s just that you remind me of someone I used to…” he stopped. He knew I knew.     “I’ll be near you and your brother today. I’ll be behind you. That’s why I’m here.” “What for?” “To protect you. From Billy and paparazzi.” “But why?” “Because I felt a need to protect you. You’re one of my favorite students and you remind me so much of Bryce.” He looked sad at the word ‘Bryce’. I knew that Bryce had been his fiancé. I felt a sincere pain for him. He’d lost someone he cared about more than anything else. Even if Bryce was still alive, it wouldn’t matter. I reminded Mr. Reed of someone he once loved more than anything else in the world.     I found myself in the backseat of Tony’s truck. Mr. Reed was riding shotgun. “So, Tony, how’s school going?” “Okay.” “Found a girl yet?” “Actually, yes. Her name’s Juliet.” “Juliet who?” “Juliet Aberdale. Blond, brown eyes, pretty. Wearing a denim skirt and a tank top today.” “I won’t even ask…” Mr. Reed glanced at me. “…how you know.”     I got out and started to make my way to my locker. I opened my locker up. I saw green eyes out of the corner of my eyes. It was Valerie, a girl who I’d sort of dated. She’d liked me for a while after we stopped. I wondered if she still did. She smiled at me and gave me a flirtatious look. I half smiled at her. She walked towards me. “Tobias, I think I know what really happened.” Did I mention that she has an English accent? “I’ll call you after school. Do you have the same number?” “No, my new number is 785-385-4501. Got it?” “Yes. I’ll call you later. Do you want to try dating again.” “Not right now, but maybe later.” “All right then. See ya.” I gazed at her leaving.  Nina approached me. “Hi, Tobias.” “Hi.” “Okay, look I’m really sorry for the way I’ve been treating you lately. It’s uncool.” “It’s all right. It was really my fault.” “No, it was mine. I shouldn’t have asked you for a kiss and should have kept my door locked.” “It was heat of the moment. But you know, if I hadn’t crushed on your sister this whole thing would have been avoided.”  “Tobias Shane Grass, you of all people should know that you can’t control love. It controls you. Expected love only happens when you look in different places. I still love you, but I know you don’t want to date me. Especially not after this. I only dated Michael to get closer to you. It was wrong, and that’s one of the reasons why we’re not talking anymore. I never expected to fall in love with him. After I caught him with that whore, I stopped loving him and started loving you again. You know why?” “You were jealous?” She grinned. “He wasn’t right for me.”   “So I saw you talking to Valerie. Are you dating her again?” “Sort of.” I immediately regretted saying it. Nina’s face fell. “Oh.” She said. I noticed how perfect her lips were, pink and full. I’d seen Nina without makeup on, and she was still pretty. I thought she was pretty, but I sort of stopped liking her in that way. Or had I?    “It was unbelievable. My first thought was This can’t be true! She’s my best friend! Then she smiled at me and walked away and my world turned upside down.” I told Tony in the car. Mr. Reed had gotten a ride from his brother. “Sounds like you like her.” Tony said. “Just ask me or Spring. We fell in love when neither of us expected it.” I realized something. “Oh my gracious, Tony you did not cheat on her.” He gave me a sad smile and nodded. “Yeah, I did. I have a notebook for all the girls I’ve dated or hooked up with. Numbers and addresses.” “Isn’t that stalkerish?” “Who’re you gonna tell, Squeaky?” “Don’t call me that. I have a lower voice than you anyway.” He glanced at me. “That’s why you’re so embarrassing. People are thinking, ‘Hey, isn’t that the guy with the fifteen year old brother who has a lower voice and bigger zippers?’” I glanced down. He was right.     I walked through the door quickly. Dad was at the table. And he was drunk. “What the hell were you thinking? You kissed both sisters. Maybe you are a cheat. You both are. I wish neither of you had been born!” I ran to my room, shut the door, and locked it. I sobbed in my knees. Dad hated me. He hated Tony, too. They were shouting and arguing. Dad hadn’t told the truth when he said he would stop drinking. I grabbed the knife and slit my wrist. Unfortunately, Tony decided to walk in then. He unlocked the door with a toothpick and came in. He saw me with the knife. “Tobias, stop this. Mom thought you were done, that’s why we don’t see Daniel anymore.”     We heard Mom come in then. She and Dad started arguing. I heard footsteps, high heels, come up the stairs. Loafers, next. “Fine! Here’s your suitcase! Get out and never come back ever!” I heard Dad complaining about me and Tony as he threw stuff in his bags.   “I know what you’re thinking. Dad doesn’t hate you, he doesn’t have a high alcohol resistance.” We hugged and he cleaned up my wrist and bandaged it. I read the book, A Guy’s Guide. I should have read it earlier. It helped me to understand the opposite sex more. And it was written by a woman named Rebecca Harkins. So I was getting real expertise, plus she’d been a guest star on on several shows and movies involving a lot of love and romance. I decided to Google her later.     For now, I was content. I had been upset earlier, but I have low self-confidence. I was madly in love with someone. I loved Sophia, I liked her sister, who was also my best friend, who liked me. Sophia loved me back, but she didn’t trust me because I had kissed her sister. I still kind of liked Valerie, at least I still got those butterflies in my belly today. Ruth, Chloe, and Mia liked me. Maureen secretly liked me, she just hadn’t flirted because of Sophia and probably Nina. I realized I had at least six girls who were crushing on me. Wow, I was shocked.   I felt myself collapse on the bed. I was exhausted and hungry. I read a magazine article about love and what it can do to you. I found a lot of interesting stuff. My stomach felt like a feather was brushing it. I shoved my jacket off. I could feel myself dozing off.   I slept through dinner. It was ten o’clock when I woke. Mom and Dad were talking. “It doesn’t matter. He’s fifteen years old, he’ll be fine. His weight shouldn’t matter. He knows he’s overweight, and he doesn’t like it. I seen the look on his face when he steps on the scale.” Dad said. “He’s young, Joseph. He’s a teenage boy. He’ll get over her. Nina said she feels terrible but her sister acts like she hates Tobias. We all know she doesn’t, she loves him to death. I’ve met Sophia, and I think she’s a lovely girl. She’s exactly like Tony described, but when I saw her she was wearing a green dress. We talked for a bit and I could tell she was nervous. Personally I think Nina set us up on purpose.” I didn’t say anything.  Nina would do something like that. I decided to ask her about it later.   I turned over to face the wall. My door opened, and my floor squeaked. Somebody placed a hand on my shoulder and kissed me. “I’m so sorry, Tobias. I didn’t realize how drunk I really was. I’ve taken a nap since then, and I’m sober now. I love you.” Dad said. He kissed me again, and left my room.   I got up, took a shower, put clothes on, the usual. I went to my bedroom to get my bag, but it wasn’t there. I went into the livingroom. I thought I’d left it there, but I hadn’t. I looked in the diningroom. Not there. Tony’s room. Yes, it was there. Tony will do that at least once a year. I looked in it to make sure everything was there. Yes, but there was also a piece of paper. It said ‘Tobias, I can’t live like this anymore. I ‘m going to move to Kevin’s. Not Nina’s brother, my friend. Bye, you’ve been the best little brother. Miss you. Love Tony.’     I couldn’t believe it. My older brother, the guy I’d mimicked when I was five, the guy who held my hand when I got checked, the guy whom I’d always thought was brave and strong, was gone. He’d run away. I showed the letter to Dad, who turned pale. “I found it in his room.” I said. Dad didn’t say anything. “Get in the car.” he said.     I worried about my brother all day. Nina hugged me once and Victoria looked jealous. She knew Nina had a crush on me. Nina knew I liked her sister. Nina was my old crush and my best friend. I stopped by the band room after school, where the cheerleaders practice. Maureen was leading the routine. Duh, she was the captain. The coach wasn’t a very good one, all she ever did was eat and put makeup on. So she didn’t care if friends or boyfriends or girlfriends stopped by.   We have two yell leaders, Zeke Mattey and Jack Peters. Zeke had the megaphone and was shouting cheers, his blond hair whipping around his face. ‘wher r u? its mom.’ ‘I’m in the band room. R u off work yet?’ ‘Almost. B ther in thirty minutes son.’ ‘k’   Maureen called a break. I cornered her. “Why are you treating me like this? You kissed me when you knew I liked her!” “Whatever. I get whatever guy I want. Plus more.” She winked at Jack, who blushed. “Maureen, you have a boyfriend!” “He broke my heart. I am not going back to him.” “I didn’t realize…” “Of course you didn’t. Sophia thinks she’s the hottest girl in school. She’s not. I am.” I couldn’t believe how vain she was acting. She was talking about her best friend behind her back, flirting with somebody she didn’t have a crush on.   I knew I was getting nowhere. “Now look, I’ll tell Sophia you kissed me. I text everyone I know and tell them you also kissed me.” Her eyes went wide. “You wouldn’t dare!” “Oh, I would.” If there’s one thing Maureen can’t stand, it’s having her reputation ruined. I also surprised myself. A year ago, I never would have made that threat. I would have walked away.   I walked away, satisfied with myself. I saw Sophia sitting on the bench, writing. “What are you writing?” I asked. She glanced up. “A song.” “About what?” “You.” “Can I see it?” “Sure.” I noticed she had a handbag with a bunch of c’s on it. I recognized it as a Coach bag. The only reason why I knew that was because Mom carried one around sometimes, and I’d asked her about it.   Sophia’s song was very good. It was about a girl who wanted a boy but he’d broken her heart. “Was it a friendship kiss?” she asked. “I used to crush on her, she has a crush on me.” “She didn’t tell me.” “She’s your sister, and she loves you. She knew you had a crush on me.” “That’s because I told her.”   “She asked for a kiss. I accepted. That’s it. It was supposed to be quick.” I said. A tear fell out of her eye. She wrapped her arms around me. I smelled her perfume, felt her touch. I’d been waiting for this moment. I loved her. “Is it possible…?” I asked. She looked at me. “I’m not sure…not yet at least Tobias. I’m sorry.” I felt like she’d poked my heart with a knife. She leaned against me, sighing. Her sweatpants were loose around the legs but tightened at her ankles.   I saw her ankles. They were smooth and bony. I could feel her heart beating on my chest. Mom walked up to us. Sophia leaned up. “Hello, Mrs. Grass.” “Dear, call me Anne.” Mom said, nodding at her. “Anne.” Sophia repeated.   I leaned back and listened to the Foo Fighters on the radio. “There goes my hero.” I said, talking about Tony. Mom looked at me. I completely ignored her. All I wanted was to crawl into bed and sleep. I was dead tired. No homework fortunately.   I set my bag on the floor in my bedroom. I kicked off my shoes, closed my door, shut off my light, and got my ‘Do Not Disturb Tobias’ mood on. I laid onto my bed. I pulled the covers up and closed my eyes.  I was in a ravine. A little one. I climbed up the hill, not knowing where I was going or doing. I felt my shoes almost slip. There she was, in a strapless lavender dress. She smelled like roses. She looked like a red rose. She smiled and stretched her arms out to me. I grabbed her hands and pulled her closer. “Tobias, come closer, my love. Come closer…” I felt myself be punched in the gut and sent backwards. He grabbed her and started to lead her away. No way. I quickly got up, wanting revenge. My sweet was being taken away from me. I grasped her arms and pulled her to me. “Mine.” I said. A honeysuckle blossom formed on her arm, then disappeared into her. A honeysuckle formed on the ground. Something told me to lick the few drops of honey that were in it. I picked it up and licked it. I gave it to Sophia, and she licked it too. It sort of reminded me of Adam and Eve with the fruit. No one knows for sure if it was an apple or a grapefruit or some other fruit. Either way, the juice was yummy, just like honey from a honeysuckle flower is yummy.     I woke up with a pang of hunger. Dinner time. I could hear my stomach growling. You could hear it from a mile away. I looked in the cupboard. Then I saw the time. Midnight. Dang. And I was starving. I grabbed a granola bar and went back to bed.    The next day was weird. Nobody talked about me anymore, which I liked. Finally, everybody lost interest in the fat nerd. I was still madly in love with Sophia, and I blushed every time she walked by. I headed toward my first class. Mr. Kurl had glasses on, and was talking to, guess who, my mother. Embarrassing, yes. My mother glanced at me then turned back to her high school secret admirer. They would have made a good couple, had Mr. Kurl worked up the courage to ask her out.   I sat down at my desk. I set my backpack on the chair and turned around. Guess who? Billy Paers. Oh boy. He completely ignored me. “Tobias, can you come here for a second?” Mr. Kurl asked. I got up and walked toward his desk. “If you need anything or have any problems, call your mother right away. Don’t go to the nurse, the office, restroom, anything. Okay?” “Okay.” I was glad he was whispering really softly.   I walked back with no regrets, then I saw Billy’s face. He’d heard. He looked pissed. I didn’t say anything. Mr. Kurl also saw Billy’s face. He ignored him. We finished Romeo and Juliet quickly. We all know how it ends. Everyone thinks ‘Just give her five more minutes!’ but he’s not a mind reader.   I decided that if Sophia was a goddess, she’d be Aphrodite. She was wearing lavender eye shadow, (honestly, who doesn’t look gorgeous in that color?) and she was wearing the infamous green dress with a blue cardigan. On her feet were the shoes with straps, the ones Mom called ‘gladiator sandals’. Now that I looked at them more closely, they did look like gladiator sandals.   My love walked toward me with all the grace and beauty of the infamous Greek goddess. I decided to question Michael about her later. Sophia ignored me and walked past.   “Aphrodite? Sure, I can tell you about her. Her son is Cupid, her first true love died, he was actually Cupid’s stepfather, she had tons of affairs, there was a rivalry between her Athena and Hera.” “Hera?” “Hera wasn’t her mother, she was born by Zeus’s father’s blood droppinginto the sea. She didn’t like Psyche, Cupid’s wife, at first because she was so beautiful. She grew to like her a few years after Cupid saved her. I don’t know much else, I’ll talk to Dad. He’s always studying Greek history. Speaking of Aphrodite, have you seen Nina today? I really miss her and I want to apologize to her.”  “She’s right behind you.” Michael turned around. “Thanks.” He muttered before he went to talk to her. I saw her try to turn away, but Michael caught her. He loved her enough to ask for forgiveness and try to save their relationship.   I wondered if I would still be able to get a relationship with Sophia. Then I remembered Vicky. Oh, man. I went to the bleachers after school to see if Maureen had actually done what I'd wanted her to do. "Hey, big guy." Nina said, sitting beside me. "Hey. What are you doing here?" I asked. Nina grinned. "You're probably not gonna like this, but Sophia became a cheerleader." "What?" "She asked Mrs. Alnez if she could join. Alnez said yes. Sophia wants a change, and to knock Maureen off the top. She knows Maureen and you made out. Kevin has a fat lip." she blushed.   There she was, in formation. Sophia was a gymnast and a tennis player almost a year ago, so she was fast and flexible. "She's also been taking piano lessons from that woman who lives across the street from you for a few days. So if you want to see her, you know where she is." Sophia looked up and waved at us. We waved back. I heard someone say "Who's the guy with the belly?" from the track. "That's Tobias. He's really smart and sweet, but he's quiet and not self-confident." someone else said. "He's got a sexy voice, though. Really low and deep."   I was really hungry by then. I felt sure everyone could see my stomach vibrating. My stomach was completely empty by the time Tony got there. Nina was still waiting for her sister to get out of the bathroom. "Why so late?" I asked Big Brother. "Basketball tryouts and a girl fight. Spring and my pyscho ex-girlfriend Katie Welson. By the way, new girlfriend. Her name's Tyra Banks, like the model. Same skin color, too. Not my first black girlfriend, but definitely the sexiest and smartest. She feels that she doesn't have to do much to impress me. She's right. I had a little crush on her before, but I was scared and dating someone else." "Who?" I asked. "Katie Welson, of course. There's her car now."   I saw a pretty brunette in a silver 2009 Honda Civic. She was putting on lipstick and blaring Katy Perry. Clearly popular. Spring was popular too, but she was definitely the crazy one today. She chased after Katie and nearly rammed her car. I noticed Spring's car was dirtier and had 'Honk If U Think I'm Sexy' written on it. I was starting to think Spring wasn't as nice as I'd thought she was. Pretty, smart, and popular, but vain and loved catfights.   Tony told me he'd heard that Spring was stalking him on the Internet, and she secretly had posters of naked men in her nightstand drawer. She was planning to work at an adult club soon, even though she wasn't even eighteen yet. She also had a fake ID, which who doesn't, even I've got one, but she got so drunk she passed out.   I texted Nina all this information. 'Sounds like a hottie.' was her response. 'She looks like you and ur sister mixed together' I told her. She said she didn't care. I said whatever. I'd been friends with Nina since sixth grade, and could tell her anything. She usually had good advice. Usually.   Mom said she thinks Spring wants Tony back and she's trying to impress him. Well, it failed to impress her. She changed her mind about Spring, and decided she didn't like her anymore. Tony didn't care. He was all over his new girlfriend. She apparently was the hottest, smartest, sweetest girl he'd ever actually dated, which is saying a lot.   Tony asked Mom if Tyra could come over for dinner. Mom said sure. Tony called Tyra suddenly. "Hey you!" was her answer. "Hey babe, I've got you on speakerphone. My mom and Toby are here." "Hi, Mrs. Grass and Tobias." she said. Mom grinned. "Call me Anne, dear." Mom said. "All right, Anne. What's up, Tobias?" "Nothing much." "Good."   The song Sexy Chick by David Guetta feat. Akon came on. "Babe, our song's playing." "Cool." Mom smirked. All Tony's girlfriend 'songs' were usually tacky or sappy. Note the past tense. Tony always let his girlfriends choose it. I had a feeling they agreed on the song this time. But he was happy. Truly happy. Not, okay, he was totally madly desperately in love.   He wasn't fake or unhappy. He was truly happy. Spring may have been crazy, but she opened his eyes and showed him what love was. I'd wanted to be just like him when I was younger. I changed my tune as I got older. "Tone, I gotta go. See you tomorrow?" "See you." He was grinning. "I'm so in love!" he said, spreading his arms out.   Dad walked through. He wasn't sober like he'd promised he'd be, he was flat drunk. Tony and I got our stuff and went upstairs. We went to his room. He listened through the wall. I felt totally out of place. I waded through the dirty clothes and plopped on his bed. l soon realized I was sitting on a pair of dirty underwear. I could hear Mom and Dad shouting soon.   They were arguing about Dad's condition. "You promised you'd stay sober!" Mom shouted. I heard a slapping noise, meaning Dad had slapped her. He called her several terrible names. So terrible I won't repeat them. Just slap him back. Tell him you'll divorce him for good. Tell him he's made too many mistakes. I silently begged Mom. I heard Tony whispering similar things. He still had his ear pressed against the wall.  More arguing. "I can't live without my boys!" Dad said. "I love them, even if they were accidents." Tony and I glanced at each other. We'd already sort of known this, but this hurt, hearing it from Dad's mouth. "If you loved them, you wouldn't have hurt them! You've put them through enough trouble already." Mom said.have  I fell asleep. When I woke up, I was in Tony's bed. He laid right beside me, snoring away. l almost thought l was late for school, then I remembered we had In Service. I got up and went to my room only to fall asleep again in bed.  I woke up to the smell of vanilla coffee and fresh bacon. Tony was at the stove, cooking breakfast for Mom, who was usually beautiful but today her skin looked tired, she had smeared eyeliner, her hair was limp, and a big black bruise was on her usually smooth and clean cheek. She pulled me close and kissed me when I went for a little hug. "Sleep well, hon?" "Yeah."   "Thanks, Tony." Mom said when he placed a mug of coffee, sunny-side up eggs, toast, and bacon in front of her. He let her kiss his cheek for once. A car turned into our street. Mom got up. "Nina?" she asked. "What's up?" "I need to talk to Tobias like, now." "All right."   "What's up?" I asked as l leaned against the fridge and nibbled on a strip of bacon. "It's about Soph. When she got up Billy was on top of her, trying to have sex. She screamed and Kevin came into her room with a socket wrench." "Socket wrench?" I asked. "Hey, it was the closest weapon. Anyway, Kev scared Billy off and called the cops. Since Billy belongs to a gang, we're all scared for her. Detective Jackson's going to question her and pursue a full investigation. Billy has been skipping on therapy and anger management classes. Toby, I need a hug."  I hugged her. When Nina told Mom what happened, Mom said she'd be more than happy to support Sophia. She even offered a discount. Nina said thanks and she'd talk to her sister and brother.   I was worried, yes. Scared, a little. Stomach growling, I went back into my room and sat in front of the computer. I played a Britney Spears song and went onto the chat log. Several people were on it.   Hotcheer: Tht one chick is pretty tho  DavieBoi: Sophia Martinez?  Hotcheer: Ya, her  Maurwreck: Her bro takes care of her and her sis Nina ther parents r always away  I wondered why Maureen would so willingly share private information like this. "I'm gonna kill her." said Nina, coming up behind me. "She's been telling people private info about Soph and spreading stupid rumors about her." "Why?" "She's jealous, she's a homewrecker, Suzy The Boyfriend Stealer, and she cheats on her boyfriend. She's still dating that one guy. When Josh found out, he was pissed. He's not speaking to her. He really liked her."   "Why is she jealous, Nin?" "She's jealous because she knows you like Sophia, and she likes you. Speaking of liking you..." I turned back.  Maurwreck: Fyi, Tobias Grass and i r dating  Redboy: O we r? I didn't kno tht   DavieBoi: Nice   Hotcheer: Burn!!!!  Nina laughed out loud. "I can't believe you just did that!" she said. "She'll probably hate you for a while." "I know. Frankly, I don't care." "Hey, can you help me with a math worksheet?" "Sure. Sup?" It was about some theory, a p-word theory. I did my best with her. I stared at Nina's black hair that came from her Mexican side. Her eyes were bright and smiling.   I realized I loved Nina. Wait, no, it was her sister I loved. Besides, I'd turned Nina down and she wasn't about to start crawling back. Nina was my best friend, not my girlfriend.   I felt my heart falling onto the carpet. I looked down. I suddenly felt very queasy. She was singing a song that sounded familiar but the words were switched about. I gave her a quizzical look. She smiled. "The One by Millionaires. It's a girl group. Sophia loves them. She was singing that song last night."     I laid on my bed. Nina placed her elbows on my stomach. "Oof! You have bony elbows, you know?" "I know." She laid her head on my soft middle, with her feet still on the floor. "How would you feel if Sophia, Kevin and I took a vacation to the city of dreams?" "New York? I don't know. Depends on when your going and the reason why." I'd been to New York. I liked it.     I learned that they would be going in the summer, and Tony and I could join them. Duh.     So life at school improved Billy-wise. Billy got suspended for a month, and Logan told me they were thinking about getting him expelled. Good riddens. No one truly liked him, and he'd beat up not just me, but David, Logan, and a couple other guys. I still wanted Sophia.    Normal afternoon. I bumped my head after I awoke to my cell phone ringing. I groggily sat up and answered it. "Hel-lo?" "Hello, Mr. Sleepy." "Nina, it's seven on a Saturday morning. What do you need?" "You. We need to talk." "About what?" "You and Sophia, of course. Without the whole school knowing." she said. She had a point. "Okay, I'll be there soon." I said. I showered and dressed and put on a black shirt with black jeans.     I left a note telling Mom where I'd be. I was at Nina's house so often now, she wouldn't worry. Nina and Sophia were at the table, sipping coffee. Sophia had some paper in front of her. I tilted my head, and both girls laughed. "It's so cute when you do that." Nina said.I shrugged. I had nothing to say. "So, you and Sophia." she said.    Sophia turned bright red and jumped from the table. "You didn't say this meeting was about us!" she said. "You said it was about Billy and I!" My heart broke when she said this. "Sophia..." Nina started. "Don't 'Sophia' me!" her sister snapped. She turned to me. "I'm sorry, Tobias, but we can't be together." That one sentence, and she ripped me apart.     "Kalonice asked me out again, and I agreed." Sophia said, making it worse. Nina looked surprised. "You're dating that loser again?!" she said. Sophia nodded. "He's changed. In fact, he's right here."     A tall boy came out. He looked to be seventeen. His hair was jet black and curly/wavy. His eyes were yellow. He looked tired. He saw me. "So this is the infamous Tobias Grass." he said. I was so upset I ignored his sarcasm. His wifebeater was sweaty and tight, revealing a flat stomach and broad chest. "Sophia, he's eighteen!" Nina said. The acid in my stomach got thicker. Sophia nodded.    "Nina, I love him. And he's changed." "I was with her for four months, for four months I was slowly breaking three hearts, but none knew. I only loved one." he said. That was enough! I couldn't take it anymore! I had come a block down just to get my heart broken.     Why had she done this? Why? How long had they been together? For a while, obviously. Great. I had been turned down for a man who was four years older than her. Oh well. I didn't need Sophia. Heck yeah, I needed her. I knocked on Tony's door, suddenly needing my older brother. He answered with a growl. "I was asleep." he said.     "I need to talk." I told him. "Whassup?" he asked. He turned on his TV and began flipping through the channels. "Sophia has another boyfriend. Not just any boyfriend, but he's eighteen years old and he has yellow eyes with black hair and his name is Kalonice." Tony stopped flipping. "Oh chiz, I know him. He's on the basketball team, he's the captain. Don't worry, little brother, I'll talk to him."    "Thanks." I said. "Why woulkd he want to date a fifteen year old though?" Tony said. "I think they've dated before." I said. Tony nodded. "He used to be a player like me. I thought he mentioned a girl named Sophia, but I didn't think about Nina or her age. I thought he was talking about somebody else."     So that was it. Tony came back with a pint of ice cream to make me feel better, and Mom, being the caring overprotective embarassing mother that she is, brought me apple juice. Once when I got hit by another kid at a playground when I was four, Mom brought me straight home and gave me apple juice.     I remembered some headache medicin that had given me a stomachache and made me throw up. That was last year. I remembered that I was allergic to penicillan. I didn't why I was remembering medicines that made me sick, I just wanted to distract myself with something other than the sexy, smart, sweet brunette that had just ripped my heart out and tore it into pieces and let her boyfriend stomp on it.    Give me a hey, give me a ho, give me an "I love you but I don't know you anymore!!" I literally cried. Mom patted my back. "She'll realize what she's missing in a few weeks, son. You'll see." she said, bending down and kissing me. I was feeling miserable, so I laid down in my bed with the sheets over my dirty blond head.     "Hey, yo ho, you'll be fat and searchin fo yo baby's fatha in college." said Anika, a pretty black girl on Girls In Rapsody. It was a movie about a group of girls trying to launch their rap career. "Oh, really?" said Megan, the blond Barbie lok-alike with unoriginal taste. She was stealing someone else's work for her own needs.    Was it me, or was a Queensland heeler and shepard collie mix laying on my legs and stomach? The shepard collie mix was on my stomach, the Queensland heeler was on my legs. Tony amused himself by taking pictures. He was uncontrollably giggling. He knew I was embarassed. The rat. I began singing. "He lost his soul to a woman so heartless!They don't know 'bout me and YOU!" "Nice." Tony said.     I heard kissing and music coming from my parents' bedroom. 'Keep On Loving You' by REP Speedwagon, in fact. I also heard my brother talking to someone in his bedroom. "Christine's an embersary?" he was saying. "Interesting. No, I know she's jealous of my girlfriend. No, my girlfriend's black. Tall, deep eyes. Sweet. Very smart. Positively gorgeous."     Everyone's love life was absolutely perfect except mine. Mr. Reed had his fiance. His brother was dating a model from Sweden. (Don't ask.) Michael and Nina had each other. Logan and Lindsay had each other. The girl of my dreams had her boyfriend, Kalonice. I was a loser in love. I was DESPERATELY in love. All I wanted to do was curl up and sleep the pain away. I could not believe I was experiencing. I'd been in love before, but not like this.     I thought about her constantly. I needed something. A sign, a hint. I was ready to shout out every secret I had. I was more than ready for anything. ANYTHING. This time, I didn't need a layer of love or some cover-up. I had to face the problem dead-on. This I realized with anguish in my heart.     I knew I was in true absolute love. How much longer would it take to cure this? (No pun intended.) I was lethargic the rest of the day. Dad brought me my food. That's how tired and depressed I was. Pork chops. Yum. Pizza. Lots of fat. Again, yum.       I saw Michael and Logan come in. "What are you doing here?" "We're taking you out. You need to get drunk." Michael said. "Yeah, I'm really sorry Sophia broke your heart by choosing a hot eighteen year old over you. Ow!!" Logan said, as Michael harshly elbowed him in the ribs.     "Thanks, guys, but I'd rather lay here feeling sorry for myself." "Oh no, you don't." Tony said. I noticed he had his keys in his hand. "We're taking you out if it's the last thing we do." he said. Knowing I had no choice, I got up off my bed, applied deodorant and cologne, and followed my brother and two best guy friends.     We went to a party serving beer. Michael handed me a cup. I didn't like drinking, but I did like beer and I wanted to impress the guya nd about females temporarily. Logan flirted with a hot brunette with an awesome body. Michael started talking to some blond. A redhead walked up to me. I glanced at Tony. He was flirting with girl who wore short clothing and had brunette curly hair. So much for forgetting girls. The redhead kissed my lips seductively, and I was all over her.    Her name was Kimberly. Apparently her boyfriend had dumped her for her best friend. I saw a curly haired guy looking over at us. Kimberly said that was him. "I love you..." I whispered. I was completely hammered now. She took my shirt off. She pulled a condom out of her bag and brought me into the back room. "I love you..." I whispered again. I'm like my father in that sense hat it doesn't take much for me to get drunk. Now Logan was high on cocaine and Michael was high on flirting. Tony told the girl with him, Sarah, that he'd screw her if he didn't have a girlfriend. Unfortunately, TOny's girlfriend was also there, and she heard him.    She slapped him and left in tears. I felt sorry for her. Tony told Sarah tht he'd screw her NOW. Then my senses kicked in. Well, not completely. I realized how drunk I was and what I was doing. I asked Kimberly for her number and told her I had to rescue my brother. She agreed.     I walked up to Tony and pulled him away before he did something incredibly stupid. I won't mention it, because he's done it before. I pulled Logan away from some people who were smoking crack cocaine and marijuana. I went up to Michael and took him away from a girl who was bad news.       We all ended up spending the night in my room. I pulled some extra blankets from Tony's room and my linen closet. I found myself laying half off my bed. My father was stroking my face. "Son, are you okay?" he said. He smelled like Axe cologne and looked like he was going out on a formal date. "No. What are you doing?" "I'm getting ready to meet some people somewhere. But if I need to, I'll stay here." he said. "I'm fine." I said. "All right."    I felt myself begin to faint, so I sat down. Dad had walked into the kitchen to get some wine. His drinking had slowed, allowing the rest of us to relax. My new favorite song was Kelly Clarkson's "Realize". I "realized" that Sophia did not feel the same about me. She didn't share the same feelings. She had whatshisface to protecct her.     I knew she'd need me later, though. Dang. I tried to distract myself, watching Men In Black II with Dad. I tried to wonder how they made the actress's stomach look so big. How they made the little alien, how they made the pug talk. No luck. I leaned against my father, wanting his advice. "Son, I'm fifty six years old and I canstill tell when something's bothering one of you. Tell me what's wrong."     "Dad, I can't get her off my mind!" I cried, I began sobbing and buried my face in my father's red shirt. He kissed my head and massaged my scalp. I gave all my secrets away, and it totally backfired. It was my fault. I had no one else to blame but me, myself, and I. I leaned back, wanting Sophia. What did it matter anyway? She was my best friend's sister! Not a good idea. Nina and I were still best friends, thank God, but it still hurt like crazy because whenever I thought about Nina, she reminded me of her sister.     They both were a quarter Mexican, both had dark hair and eyes and pretty and interesting features. I went into my room and tried to call Nina. "It's Nina Martinez. Bela Lugosi's dead but I'm not. Leave me a message on my voicemail." "Nice try." I said. A pause. "Tobias? How'd you know it was me?" "Because we've been friends since we were nine years old and I know you better than anyone." "Oh. Wassup?"    "I can't get your sister off my mind." "Go shopping. Do a puzzle. Bother Tony. Watch a movie. Give yourself a good feeling with your hand and your..." "Wow, Nina." "Anyway, keep yourself busy. Don't think about Princess Xena and Prince Badass. Imagine yourself in a perfect place, where nothing can touch you."    I knew she was right. I needed something to keep my mind off of Sophia Martinez. But it's not easy when her sister is your best friend and you notice the same curiosity and interest sparkle in their deep brown eyes. Nina's hair was darker, and straighter most of the time, but it still looked like HERS to me. No, do not think about Sophia Roseanna Martinez, Tobias Shane Grass. Think about your weight. You're always concerned with the size of your belly and how people think of you when they see a fat fifteen year who's near the top of his class.    Dang. My morals had gone haywire and often I found myself wondering what Sophia looked in a bra and what kind she wore. Nina had already given me that information, Victoria's Secret and T.J. Maxx. She sometimes bought them on clearance at WalMart. Whatever, I didn't care where she bought them, only WHAT SHE LOOKED LIKE IN THEM!!!     Calm down, Tobias. You're stressing yourself out over a GIRL!! Do not pass go. She broke your heart by getting back with her gorgeous ex-boyfriend. He's older, too. She's fifteen and he's eighteen. She gets what she gets. Take a chill pill. Dang, I need Tylenol. It was true. My head and my stomach were beginning to feel woozy and I felt dizzy. Suddenly, everything went black.     I heard a female voice say my name then say the s word. Nina? I heard her speaking to my mother. "Anne, I have no clue what happened. I was trying to help him forget Sophia, when suddenly, he just passed out. No, he's not having a seizure, he's just unconscious. Okay, I'll call 911."     A minute later: "Hello? Yes, my name is Nina Martinez, I'm at Paskell Drive on 12th.My friend Tobias...I was trying to help him forget a girl that broke his heart when he suddenly passed out. He's alive, he's just not responding. I don't know if he can hear me. Okay. Tobias, if you can, wave your hand." I lifted my hand. "He just lifted his hand an inch off the ground, then it fell on his chest. Yes. Thank you."    The next thing I remember is seeing a black woman crouching over me,wearing a police   uniform. "Tobias, if you can hear me, wave your hand." I tried to lift my hand, but I couldn't. I suddenly realized I'd hit my head on a sharp rock and I was bleeding profusely. My legs had fallen asleep and I couldn't get up, much as I wanted to. I also realized the hand I tried to lift was broken. Darn. I was used to breaking the bones in my body, I do it all the time, but my hand had never hurt this much.     I passed out again. When I awoke, a familiar face was standing over me. "Who are you?" I asked the man. He suddenly looked nervous. He had platinum blond hair with a couple greys. "Tobias." he said, taking my hand. "Don't you remember me? I'm your father. Are you hungry?" I nodded. My father shifted his weight to his right, and I realized he was sitting in a chair, he was just very tall. He nodded.    "I figured as much. Tony took Nina to get some coffee, while your mother went to get us something to eat." he said. I noticed his teeth were very white. He was also pretty large. I barely remembered I ever had a father. I couldn't remember who Tony was, my brother perhaps, but I remembered Nina. The beautiful girl I saw just before I passed out. I'd been feeling a mixture of anger, love, and hurt. I found myself loving Nina, as more than just a friend.    A raven-haired woman walked in. She had blue eyes and pretty lips. "He doesn't remember who I am." my father said. My mother looked worried. "Son, do you rememeber me?" she said. "No." I said. "I'm your mother," she said with a crack in her voice.     I watched as a female figure walked to the door. "Nina." I said. She wrapped her arms around me. I saw my parents look at each other. "Why is it he remembers her, but not us?" Dad said. Nina glanced back at him. "The rock he hit his head on must've affected his memory," she said. "It was large and sharp, and when he fell, he plummeted down. I should have helped him." she berated herself. "Don't blame yourself for this. This isn't your fault." Dad said.     Nina looked at me like she suddenly had an idea. She held out a knife. "Do you remember where I got this?" "Uhh..." "You gave to me earlier this month after you said you cut yourself." My mother gasped. My father's mouth opened a little. The knife did look familiar. Nina put it back in her bag. Then she pulled out a packet of sugar. "You stole this from a coffee shop and gave it to me in case we wanted it later."     She then grabbed her wallet. She pulled a picture of me and a girl with brown hair, and I began having memory flashes. "Sophia..." I said. "Yes, it's Sophia. Remember this?" she said, holding a pair of tweezers. "You thought you...well...you did have a monobrow and asked me to pluck your eyebrows." "Never let me forget that." Tony whispered to Dad. "I won't." Dad said.     I fell asleep. I was very groggy. I woke up, and when I did, I remembered everything.     Nina helped me walk to my door. I laid down on my bed."You end up in the hospital more than anyone else I know, and you miss a lot of school because of it. Lucky." "I don't like missing school. I actually like school. The only thing I don't like is Billy, Ruth, and Chloe." "I know." my best friend kissed the top of my head and walked out of my room. A minute later I heard shouting. Female and male, four voices. I heard a scream that sounded like Nina's and heard glass breaking.    Nina ran into my room and shut the door. Judging by her scared look, I knew someone had been hurt. "Why didn't you tell me?! Why didn't you tell me it was this bad?" she demanded. "I could have helped!"    I told her about my dad. His real age , his drinking problem and constant fights with Tony. "Oh God." was her reply. I knew she and Tony liked each other, but I didn't expect her to walk out to help my brother!     I tried to go after her, bt I tripped over a magazine. Magazine? All my magazines were in a bin in the corner. I realized it was a Playboy magazine, probably Tony's. Tony! My brother! He was an idiot and a playboy, but he was still my brother! I found him and Dad fighting outside, Mom and Nina trying to seperate them. I quickly ran over and grabbed Tony by the waist and pulled him away. Dad was red and sweating, but so was Tony.       "Mom'll definitely divorce him now, " Tony muttered. "Little brother, please let go of my belly." "What happened?" I asked. "Dad's a fucking lunatic. He's halleucinating again, he thinks I'm his rival from high school thirty years ago. He's still drinking, alec." I had not noticed before how similar Tony and I looked. Blond hair, brown eyes, thick legs and chest. We did not look much like our parents, But Dad did have blond hair, thick too.     Tony and I hugged. I leaned against my brother and listened to his heart beat in his chest. He kissed the top of my head, and we just held each other. "I don't think I've ever seen two brothers who loved each other more." Nina said. Tony glanced at her. "Nina, you should go. The police'll be here any minute now." Nina shrugged. "I don't care." she said. She looked at me. I knew she wanted to date Tony. "I owe you. I hope you have better luck than I did." I said.     I dozed off for twenty minutes on the couch. When I woke up, I saw Mom peck Nina's cheek. Nina'd probably told her. And they love each other, so...but when I saw Tony kiss Nina, I felt a twinge of jealosy. Wait...was I in love with my best friend? Was she the reason I went after her sister? How could I compete with two older and better-looking guys? First Kalonice made me jealous, now Tony.     The next thing I knew, I was standing between them. "Tobias, if you didn't want me to date Tony-mmmmhhhh!" The last part was me kissing her. I kissed her. I kissed Nina Martinez, my absolute best friend in the world. Then I knew I loved her. Tony's eyes were wide when I looked back at him. Then I realized I was on the floor with a bleeding lip. Nina ran out, crying. Tony ran after her. "Nina, wait...let me explain..."     I went into my bedroom and flipped through the Playboy magazine. All I saw was fake blond hair, fake brests, fake lips, fake butt, fake everything. I preferred girls with dark hair suddenly. Sophia and Nina both had dark hair. Sophia was a beautiful brunette, while Nina had jet-black hair.     I took another nap, this time for an hour. I felt recumbant when I awoke. But when I went downstairs, Tony wasn't speaking to me. I noticed he'd sent me a few texts. 'U drove her away from me. Ur not my brother.' 'Go screw yourself.' 'I'm done with love. All it does is cause heartbreak.' I sent him a few back. 'Ur not my brother either, u stole my love, and broke my heart, and embarrassed me by being a playboy. I hate u rite now. We both should have known I loved her.'     Not for the first time, I considered suicide. Nina had my knife, and Mom had hidden all the kitchen knives in a chest with a skeleton key that she'd hidden. She was using one right now to cut a tomato. I laid on the floor with my arms across my chest like I was dead or doing crunches. My dog laid on top of me, figuring I was there to cuddle with her and her boyfriend. My ex-brother stepped over me. "I've called Nina three times now. I'm gonna go to her house. Tobias are you coming?" I looked up at him. "Are you serious?" "Yeah, we need to let her decide, and I want to do it fairly."      Not surprisingly, Kalonice was on their couch with his arm draped over Sophia. I couldn't help but wonder if he'd forced her to do anything. A sinking feeling placed itself in my gut. I felt that Kalonice was too controlling, even though I'd met him ony once. We followed Nina to her room. She had posters of Justin Bieber and Zak Bagans eerywhere. Her two biggest celebrity crushes. I'll admit I have a crush on Selena Gomez and Emma Stone, but I only have two posters of each girl. And I've never put them on my wall, which I know is weird. With Nina, it's Justin Bieber that and Zak Bagans this. Tony sat closer to her, she was sitting on her bed with her legs crossed and a pillow in her lap.    "It's probably my fault." Tony said. Nina leaned over and placed her head on his chest. Now we know whom she liked more. "It's mine, too." she said. Tony kissed her. "Don't blame yourself, baby. I couldn't resist you, I knew it was a matter of time before we-" he stopped suddenly and looked at me. "What happened?" I said. "It was all my fault, little brother. I never took Nina home some of those days and nights. Or I stayed hours longer than I should have." Suddenly I knew what he was talking about. Without thinking, I raised my fist to hit him. Nina blocked my blow. "I'm a blackbelt, " she explained.     I was a blackbelt too, but I was not about to hit someone I loved. Tony knew I was infuriated. I hated him more than anything at this point. I walked downstairs and saw Kalonice gripping Sophia, pinning her down, and kissing her. He was forcing her to have sex! He was eighteen, and she was fifteen! "Kalonice, please stop..." she murmured. He totally ignored her and began to take off her seude skirt. I grabbed him by the stomach and yanked him off her. "What the hell is wrong with you?!" he said. "She told you to stop, but you starting taking off her skirt. You could get arrested for rape, anyway." Kalonice glared at me. "Not like she'd tell. She loves me." I glanced at Sophia, expecting her to cut in, but she was staring at a spot on the carpet.    "You deserve better than him." I whispered in her ear before I left. "I'm not deaf!" Kalonice snapped, his accent more established. "Sophia, come here darling..." he said. "I love you..." But when I got home, I got on my laptop. I had to find out if he had a criminal record. I pulled up his public records. Sure enough, he had counts for robbery, statury rape, and endangering a minor by pulling her to a window while he screwed her. He'd been kicked out of his parents house twice, he'd run away. Why did Sophia not know this? But what if she did?    I called her brother. "He's going to destroy her!" I snapped. "Oh shit, I did not know any of this, she told me he had a clean record." "He was screwing her before I left, or at least tried to." I told him what happened between us. "I'm gonna kill him." Kevin said. "Get your bro to help me." "Okay." I called Tony. He didn't answer, but he called back using Nina's phone. "I'm in a house with a pedophile? Shit."       By the time I got back there, laptop in hand, Tony, Kevin, and Talia's brother were holding him down. Apparently Tony had to punch Kalonice in the stomach to get down, he'd literally just eaten. Talia's brother was tall with smooth mahogany skin. Sophia was crying and Nina was keeping her back. "Kill me, then." Kalonice said. "Fuck you." he said when he saw me. Sophia got past Nina and yanked Talia's brother off. He was lanky enough that she could. She leaned against him.     I showed Kevin the records while he held the perv. "Let him go!" Sophia said. "I do love him." Kalonice glared at her. "This glitch is telling the truth. Fine. If I never talk to your sister again will you let me go?" he said. "Fine. Go." Kevin said. "Kalonice, wait..." Sophia started, going after him. He ignored her, got his backpack, and left. He drove off in a black Nissan Coupe. Sophia started crying like crazy righ then.     She left, went up to her room, and shut the door. "KALONICE!" she yelled. "It's all my fault. I should have done a background check. He had just finished screwing her when I found him." Kevin said. "What about your parents?" I said. "Our dad works twenty-four seven at restaurants. Our mom just doesn't care, she only comes here to shower, and both our parents are cheating on each other." Kevin said. Interesting. I thought.     I could admit that Nina loed Tony, not me, bt I could not admit to myself that Sophia now hated me. I probably should not have done what I did. Kalonice was a true pedophile, but both Maureen and Sophia loved him. I went home and took a shower. It was almost dinnertime now.       At school, Sophia stayed secluded. I saved her from a pedophile, but she now hated me for it. Billy tried to flirt with her, but she ignored him too. He still hated me, he pushed me into a cheerleader's locker again, but I pushed out of his grasp. I just did all my work at school. Sophia did the same. On Sunday, I'd called her five times but no answer. When I arrived in Science, Mr. Reed pulled me aside before the bell rang. "Tobias, are you all right?" "I'm fine." I lied. He saw right through it. "Okay, well, if anything, you can talk to me or my brother." he said. My heart ripped when he said 'brother'. Tony had taken all of us to school this morning.     I was totally depressed. I tried to listen to Mr. Reed's lecture on velocity and speed. After school, I stayed outside and watched the cheerleaders practice. I saw Chris Potter and Brittany Ford making out. I felt jealous. They had each other. I saw Beth and Lang flirt. I felt lonely and jealous. Tony walked up to me fifteen minutes later. "This whole thing is my fault. All my fault." I muttered. "I should not have done what I did to Nina. It's my fault, too." Tony said. He let me lean against his chest again.     I wanted to kill myself. I'd tried several times and failed. I ensured that one of the loves of my life had a broken heart. I ensured that my other love was in love with my brother. I'd tried to save Sophia from a pedophile, but instead I ripped her heart out.       I did my homework and laid in bed, depressed, I coughed. My head hurt and I felt crappy. Mom came in and felt my forehead. I felt myself sneeze. Two times. Mom left and brought back orange juice. Fresh-squeezed.     I felt sick, physically and mentally. I knew I had broken Sophia apart. I'd torn her. I wanted to ask her to forgive me, to allow me to ask her to date me again. We'd tried, to no avail. Dang. I knew she might not. I took out a piece of paper, and wrote down how I felt. I let myself write down whatever I wanted to, wherever I wanted to.     So there I was, stuck in LoserVille. I knew I might be shunned. Sophia wasn't talking to me, at least. Everyone else was. I was depressed that my crush wasn't. I knew she may never speak to me again.     Eh, at least I found a pedophile and stopped him from hurting her. In the process, I'd hurt her myself. Oh, well. I'd rather have me breaking her heart than a pedophile possibly getting her pregnant or transmitting a disease to her. If she did get pregnant, I'd like to have it be my child.     For now, all I wanted to concentrate on was school. I was one of the top five in my class, and I wanted to keep it that way. All the better to get into film school. Yes, my secret dream is being a camera man or a director. Either or. I've been called practical and resourceful before, but never a big dreamer. My grandmother secretly wants me to get into medical school and my father law school.     No pressure. I was calculating mathematical formulas and had to finish an essay for English. I finished math quickly and began to work on English. Suddenly I heard "Can't you see there's nothing I'd rather do, but try to make it up to you?" I looked up. It was just my radio. Daughtry's 'Feels Like Tonight'.     I ignored it. Well, I tried to. I couldn't. I could feel tears in my eyes. I wiped them with my shirt, and tried to get myself together. No luck. Shit. It wasn't over though. Not until Sophia and I worked things out. This time, I wouldn't involve Nina or let her be. I had to fix this myself.       She was strumming on her guitar when I walked into her room. She looked up. "What do you want?" she said. Ouch. But I ignored the insult. "I-I'm sorry. I was trying to protect you." I said. " I know." she said, adjusting her cushion. "Then why did you get mad?" I said. "Why did you call him out on his shit?" she said. I was surprised to hear a curse come out of those plump lips. "Because I love you." I said. She looked up. "You finally said it. I loved him, but I also loved you. I loved him more." she said. I was shocked and hurt at the same time.     "Y-you loved me?" I said. "Note the past tense." she said. Ouch. She was good. I noticed a book called If. "What's this about?" I asked, picking it up. "It's about five friends growing apart. One is dating a player, one is slowly becoming the most popular girl in school, one is a nerd, one's emo, and one is trying to hold on to an old spark." "Interesting." I said. It was. Interesting context and concept, a lot of big words used, a lot of drama from what I could see. There was even a chapter titled Catfight.    Soph was almost done, from where her bookmark was. But then, I saw what her bookmark was. A school picture of ME. Me, who'd ripped her heart apart. She grabbed the bookmark and the book, and slapped me.     I didn't cry then. I left. I went home and went to bed. Then I started crying. I heard yelling. I had about enough. That man had to go. I went downstairs. I saw him shoving my mother against the fridge. I quickly grabbed his waist and tried to pull him off. He hit me and pushed me on the floor. He grabbed my neck and began to choke me. Then I died.     I remember seeing my body being rushed to the hospital. I saw Jesus. "It's not your time." was all He said. I also saw my guardian angel. He helped me back down to Earth.     The next day, I saw Tony holding my hand, Nina crying behind him. "Dad's been arrested." Tony said. "He'll go to jail for attempted murder. "I died." I said. "I know. Mom's also been hurt, he stabbed her in the chest. She'll have to divorce him now. She can't change him." "Where's Sophia?" I asked. "She tried to kill herself. She slit her neck. Kalonice came to see her. He apologized to her and they made up."    I wished Tony hadn't told me that. But I needed to know it, so he did. Damn. Shoot. Blast. Oh, well.      Two days later we were sitting in Nina's room. Me, Michael, Logan, and Nina. Michael had his arm around her tiny waist, and she had her left arm over his shoulder. They were sitting on her bed. Logan and I were sitting on the floor. Logan was leaning back and absorbing the sunlight. It made his red hair look brighter. "So, that's it." I told them. "I just sat down on the couch and started watching Gilmore Girls." "Nice." Michael said. "Alexis Bledel has pretty hair." Nina play-punched him.    "That's it? You weren't upset?" Logan said. "I was, but I wasn't surprised anymore. I think it's time to let Sophia go. I made plenty of mistakes and I meant well with them, but this has gotten out of hand. Over the past couple of months the only thing anyone ever gossiped about at school was me. I'm tired of it." "Not anymore." Nina said. "Billy got arrested again." "Typical." Logan said. "He got arrested when he tried to knife him." he said. pointing his thumb at me.    "Yeah, but this is even more serious. Everyone knows he didn't only bully Tobias, he bullied David and Chris as well. Well, he tried to bully Chris Chris is way too popular." "Thanks a lot." I snapped. "I didn't say you weren't popular." Nina shot back. "Is it me, or are all of Billy's "victims" blond?" Michael asked. We were all silent. It did seem kind of strange.     Nina got up and got on her desktop. "Tom Paers, history. Tried to knife Tobias Grass, who defended himself by twisting his opponent's arm around, arrested for robbery. Wow. I didn't know that. Victim was an African American man who tried to walk away, but Tom put a knife againt his arm and threatened to cut him if he didn't hand over his wallet."    I didn't know he'd tried to rob a man, either. Nina continued reading. "Here's something else. When he was five years old, his beautiful blond sixteen year old sister committed suicide. She was apparently bullied by a "spoiled, dirty rotten brat" according to his mother. OH MY GOD, come check out this website!" We all peered at the monitor. It was a website called StopTomPaers.com. It had all his victims names and photos, including mine.     "Nina, what exactly did he do this time?" Logan asked. Nina hesitated. "He tried to murder Kalonice." she said. I felt a chill go up my spine. "Soph and another couple witnessed it. He held a gun against K's stomach.Soph tried to twist his arm around like Tobias did, but he knocked her to the ground, causing some major bruises and scratches. The gun went off when she hit the ground, and Tom missed Kalonice's chest by inches. Mom and Dad want Soph to go into therapy, She needs it, and she knows it."     I turned, and saw Sophia lingering in the doorway. "Are you all right?" Logan asked her. "Yeah, I'm fine." she said. If 'major bruises and scratches' could talk, hers would be yelling. She wore a thin tank top that was cut up, showing lots of cleavage, and her shorts were very short. I don't know why, but I wanted to push her onto a bed and kiss her and screw her and tell her everything would be okay. Nina would kill me, though.    "Michael, your dad's here." 
   "Okay." he and Nina kissed, we pumped fists, he waved at Logan and Sophia and left. Sophia went to her room. 
   "Anything else?" Logan said, directing the conversation back to Billy. "There is something else. Actually, a couple things. He tried to change his name, but never did. Another thing. There is a website dedicated to Catherine Paers. Here's her picture." There was a gorgeous blond girl with brown eyes on the screen.     "He doesn't care about the eyes. I have brown eyes, David blue, and Chris blue-green." I said. 
   "Totally. His sister has beautiful blond hair. Hmm." Nin said. 
   I wasn't sure what to say or do. Billy had been arrested. My name and photo were out there without my permission. I was in Science taking notes. I wondered who sat from me at that angle. Then it hit me. Sophia!     "She's a master at texting and picture taking without anyone knowing. She could have very well done this." Nina said. "Him bullying you, Tobias, is the biggest reason she dumped his sorry ass. She knows how handle a computer, too. Almost better than Jason Lerak." she said, making a face and referring to a super-nerd who has a big crush on her.     I walked into Sophia's room. She was listening to Breaking Benjamin's Diary of Jane. My stomach twisted into a huge knot as I saw the book she was reading. It was called How To Get Over a guy. "It's my fault." I muttered. She looked up. "This whole thing is completely my fault. I should have been totally honest with you from the start. Sophia, I started liking you after I broke up with that one girl.I love you. I've loved you since this summer, after I saw you at Walmart browsing through makeup." To my surprise, she giggled and blushed.     "I love you too, Tobias." she said, putting her book down. "I'm sorry. I made mistakes, too. I broke up with Billy. I know that wasn't a mistake, but then Kalonice came back into my life....I fell hard for him, Tobias. I know he's too old for me, and he's abusive. I didn't care then. I do now. I can still be friends with him, but nothing else."     I noticed for the first time that she wasn't wearing any makeup. She was gorgeous without it. I walked toward her. She looked down at her feet. Her hair wasn't necessarily wavy or straight. It was sexy. I sat on her bed near her hips, and leaned down. She closed her eyes. We kissed. Kissed like we'd never kissed before. Her lips were plump and soft and supple. Her breath tasted like lavender. Lavender is a gorgeous good smelling flower. It's also edible.    I noticed a poem. I picked it up without thinking. "It's not finished yet," Sophia said quickly.      My Undying Love by Sophia Martinez    Roses are red like his lips, his eyes are   Brown like chocolate, his hair is blond like   every beautiful guy's hair should be, his   belly is round but I don't care, his   personality makes up for all his flaws.   His name is Tobias Shane Grass, and he's   like a daisy in a garden of poison ivy.    "I know, it sucks." 
   "What kind of poem is it?" 
   "Idk. A poem that doesn't rhyme." she answered. I searched my memory banks for the name. Free verse. 
   "Free verse." I said. Soph shrugged and went back to her book. "What are you reading?" "It's called Complete Me. It's about a girl who falls head-over-heels for a guy. It's not long before he finds another girl and the first one goes pyscho. She pretty much ruins her reputation." "Ah. That sounds interesting. How is it?" "It's great, it's better than I thought it would be. I go to the city library a lot, so I read different things. I like reading."     She could have been gorgeous and sweet, but that really turned me on. Above all, I like smart girls.     An hour later, I emerged from her room, lipstick on my face, lube on my member, yes, I had sex with Sophia. It was awesome. Tony was waiting with a big stupid grin on his face. 
   "Shut up." I said. 
     
   "I didn't say anything." "You were about to." 
   "I'm so proud of you." 
   "Silence is beauty." 
   "You're beautiful, then." he said. I proceeded to give him a "you're weird" look.     "Dude, I was out there for forty minutes. Nina said she'll slap you next time she sees you. She said if you break her sister's heart, she twist you into a little ball for her cat to play with." "Okay."      I was in choir two days later. I'm a bass. I have one of the deepest voices in the school. "Nice. Guys, be careful. It's in your high voice." said Mr. Ira, the teacher. We were singing The Power of Love by Air Supply. We were also singing My Heart Will Go On by Celine Dion, and Love Potion #9. In addition to that, we had to learn the song Hello by Dragonette. Notice a theme? Well, except for Hello.     The girls were leading Hello and My Heart Will Go On. The guys were leading The Power of Love and Love Potion #9. Sophia, Nina, Maureen, Chloe, and Ruth were all in that class. I noticed Chloe kept looking at me. She'd turn her head during a pause or during guys only parts.     "Also, I have an announcement. As you know, many of you stayed at the middle school because of overcrowding at the high school.There would have been way too many people there. Well now. we're going to add everyone there. This month. So go home and inform your parents." Mr. Ira said, touching his large stomach.     I told my mother, who hugged me. 
   "That's brilliant, Tobias." 
   "It really is. Whatever." 
   "Dinner's ready." Mom usually changes the subject when she thinks I don't want to talk about something. She was right. I knew I'd miss my teachers and other people I'd met. But I also knew high school would be better.    I browsed through a used bookstore that night. My stomach was totally full, I'd eaten roast beef and cabbage and Mom had made homemade ice cream. Yum. Tony needed to find a book that Keisha had recommended, and he'd asked me to come along.     Suddenly, I saw It and Complete Me. I picked them up, looked around to make sure no one else seemed to want them, and flipped through them. A passage from Complete Me read: "I could not believe it. After all I'd done for him? That jerk would pay!" A passage from It read: "Ashley Vercolena. The most popular and well-known girl in school. I destined to be like her." I know they were both only three sentences, well, one was just a name, but they both looked good and they reminded me of Sophia.     I also found another book I was looking for, Jilted By Love. It was about a couple who were both Tony's age and found each other at a dance for multiple schools. The girl was jilted by her current boyfriend, who kissed her best friend at the dance, the boy was jilted by his girlfriend who kissed his best friend. He asked the first girl to dance at a slow song, and they fell in love.    I purchased the books and started to walk to Tony's truck, when I heard a girl say, "Damn. I swear they were here." I turned and I saw you-know-who. She smiled at me, saw I had the books she was looking for, and laughed out loud. 
   "You never cease to amaze me." she said. 
   "I know." I said. We hugged, and my fingers lingered on her long brown hair. It was so incredibly sexy, I was overwhelmed by it. We shared a quick kiss. 
   "Sophia?" "Hmm?" 
   "See you tomorrow." 
   "See you." It felt good seeing her. I knew I'd finally chosen the right girl. She wasn't perfect, but she wasn't not perfect either. That personality of hers was the best I'd ever seen in a girl. Besides Nina, of course. My best friend winked at me. I winked back.     When I got home, I suddenly felt a burst of happiness. I had a new girlfriend, Billy would leave me alone, and I was losing weight.     Everything was perfect. Too perfect. Sure, Sophia and I were sending each other raunchy messages, and Tony and Keisha's new song was "One Step At A Time" by Jordin Sparks.      I glanced into Tony's room. Keisha's head was on Tony's chest. She was sleeping, and Tony was stroking her relaxed hair. Her ebony skin against Tony's pale stomach was an interesing contrast. She screamed like Princess Xena when she and Tony...um...did it. Tony kissed her cheek softly. "I love you." he whispered in her ear. Her hand fell on his chest. He held it.     I just smiled, then walked off. So, my brother had finally found The One. Before, he said that Keisha was "some black chick that was probably a virgin because she's too nice". Boy, was he wrong. Keisha had a spice about her, and it was attractive. She always smells like Spanish Amber, which is nice. Her face isn't plain. She experiments with her makeup, but she never looks like she's trying too hard. Her hair is nice, too. Soft and silky.    I know because she whipped her head around once to answer a question my father asked her and her hair hit my face. It smelled like watermelon and strawberries. Fortunately she didn't know, it's so long. It's down to her waistline.       I heard beautiful music coming from Sophia's room. It was soothing, almost magical. She was vacuuming her room. She wore a white tank top with loose-fitting pink plaid shorts. She turned and saw me, and turned the vacuum off. She smiled. She walked toward me in a sexy way. We grabbed a handful of each other's hair, and kissed. 
   "I love you." I said. "I love you too." And right then, I knew we'd be together forever. At least for a while. 
   
   
   Text: People may use phrases and notes. All music artists and songs are real except the Shorty one which Nina mentions. All rights reserved. Publication Date: June 25th 2014 https://www.bookrix.com/-redhead16