text: Stephen Lamington Supermarket Bouncers & More Three 100-word Funny Stories For couples, colors and church-goers. 
   
   
     
   Seriously, how long does it take to pick up a carton of milk?  It feels like days since she abandoned me at the checkout line.  Here I am being an irresponsible supermarket bouncer, letting shopper after shopper go ahead of me unchecked.  To pass the time, I examine the products around me and discover more flavors of condoms than gum.  Suddenly, I recognize a waving hand just as the lady in front finishes.  Clearing a path through unattractive shoppers for my wife, I questioned her about the unprecedented rambutans and missing milk.   
   
  "“Sorry honey, I got distracted.  Be right back!" 
   
   
  I am green and I serve thee.  I can be a leaf or grasshopper, but never a stop sign.  Master, what do you bid of me? 
   
  I am red and I serve thee.  I have been bled on battlefields and forged in fire but never will I feel blue.  Master, what do you bid of me? 
   
  I am blue and I serve thee.  I am the sky, the sea and a mood.  Humor me not master, what do you bid of me? 
   
  I am your master and I bid thee mix with flit.  For without light, I can't see shit. 
   
   
  Arthur Bench was a hardworking carpenter.  From dusk till dawn, he saw to put supper on the table.  Every Sunday he would come to pray at that very spot.  As a bored lad he sat there, carving pictures into the wood.  As a nervous groom he stood there, waiting for his bride.  As a proud father he wept there, witnessing his child's baptism.  Thus, it is almost of divine satire that a cupboard would fall through the roof of this church and land on that very spot.  To commemorate his unfortunate demise, the replacement pew will be named "A. Bench". 
   
   
   
   
   Publication Date: September 5th 2010 https://www.bookrix.com/-stlz21121