text: joanna life dedicated to everyone i lost, i love you and miss you 
   
   
     
   
   
   
   
   
  chapter 1: tragedy #1 
  my life isn't perfect i made more mistakes than anything else, there has been more bad than good. sometimes i wish i wasn't even here. i wonder what life, and the world would be like without me around. my life started going down hill when i was about 8 years old the first tragedy i had in my life was when my mother passed away. my mother had breast cancer the first time she was diagnosed with cancer she beat it then 2 years later it came back, it killed her. it was fathers day me and my brother were sleeping, my dad did the usual shopping in the morning. out of no were my mom started yelling my brothers name. he ran to go see what was wrong i followed him. are mother had collapsed on the floor she was too weak to get up. she asked my brother to call are dad,so he did. are dad rushed home and tried helping her up but she was in to much pain. i never seen my father so scared. he called 911 immediately and told me and my brother to wait in the living room. then the paramedics came i was so scared i had no idea what was going on. one of the paramedic guys was my dads buddy he saw how upset and scared me and my brother were. after they took my mother he got down on one knee and told us she was going to be okay shell be home soon. i could tell from the look in his eyes she wasn't okay she was ill. after the paramedics left my dad dropped us off at my uncles house for a little bit then came back for us. before he took us to go see her he told my aunt and uncle the doctors don't think she's going to make it through the week. they were right.. on june 18th,2002 at 1:15 pm my brother and i were in the room with her when she flat lined. i had no idea what was going on, neither did my brother. i remember asking my dad if mommy was okay, for the first time i actually saw my dad cry. he took us out of the room so the nurses can try to bring her back. but it was too late are father cried and told us mommy went to heaven she's with god she's not  coming back.. i broke down crying so did my brother i tried going back to her room but my dad wouldn't let me. her funeral was two weeks later thats when my dad gave me and michael her last gift to us. she gave me a teddy bear named hope and gave michael a dog named rex. i take hope everywhere she the only thing i have left of her. i was 8 when she passed away i didn't know her that well. if there one thing or two that i know its that she had a smile that could light up the whole town and a personality that was loved by everyone  
  chapter 2: tragedy #2 
  about a year after my mother passed away i met someone ill never forget. his name was alexander brandon medina. he was my one and only love he was my best friend. me and him met in ms.mathis 4th grade class. he was the new kid are teacher at the time asked me to show him around so i did. as i started showing him around at recess we got to know each other, we had so much in common. we hung out every day and talked to each other all the time. at the end of 4th grade he told me he was moving to texas for a little bit. a few years went by, then one day when i decided to go for a walk i ran into him. i didn't notice him at first until he called me peanut lol. peanut was his nickname for me in elementary. i was so happy to see him again we exchanged numbers and caught up with each other. he told me he missed me and that he's glad he ran into me. he asked me out that night, i said yes [of course]. we dated for two years, on are two year anniversary he took me to the movies and walked me home before the movie started he gave me heart necklace that said love on it with another heart over it. i still have that necklace i haven't took it off since he gave it to me. what happened after the movies still gives me nightmares. as we walked home these two guys came out of no where and started harassing alex and me one of the guys pushed me down. thats when alex got mad. he ended up getting jumped. as soon as alex hit the ground one of the guys pulled out a gun and shot him 5 times he died instantly. all i could do was cry i was so scared then the guy with the gun looked at me, grabbed me and put the gun to my head, he told me if i say anything that he will kill me then he threw me to the ground and ran off. i stayed there with alex holding him i was terrified. i didn't say anything, i never told the cops what happened that night until that day came i was a witness i had to say something know matter how scared i was i told the court what i saw. i never knew why they came after alex until i talked to his cousin. it turns out alex's older brother messed with the wrong people, to get to him they took his little brothers life. he was killed in a drive by two weeks later. ill never forget alex, ill never forget staying up late talking on the phone. i remember two nights before that day came i snuck him into the house will my dad and brother were asleep we stayed up on the roof all night just looking at the stars and talking. he looked at me and smiled gave me a kiss on the forehead and told me he loved me, and that he wants to marry to me. he gave me a ring and told me know matter what happens he will always be here for me, that i will always have a special place in his heart. i loved alex, i always will know matter what happens in life he will always be in my heart. 
  chapter 3: tragedy #3 
  this tragedy happened my freshman year in high school. i made some good friends and bad friends i done things i swar i would never do. alex and my mother would be so disappointed. the summer before freshmen year i had a job. i was a receptionist at my aunts hair salon. one day this guy came in as usual was getting a hair cut. we were busy that day so as he waited me and him talked and laughed he was so funny and cute. it turns out me and him were going to be at the same school that year he was going to be a sophomore and i was a freshmen. he showed me around the school on my first day and hung out with me. we ended up exchanging numbers that week and stayed up all night on the phone. i went to bed with a smile every night. he reminded me of alex. i miss him so much it hurts. two days later he asked me to the movies i said yes. i had a lot of fun with him. i can't help but smile every time i saw him. he liked me to as we sat in starbucks he asked me if i liked him and if i would go out with him i said yes. we dated for about 4 months. i have no idea what went wrong things were so good in the beginning. on are 4 month anniversary we decided to take are relationship to the next level. so we did, he got m pregnant and broke up with me  after i told him. 6 months later on july 11th,2009 i had william . the only time i was ever truly happy was when i was holding my first born. he was two months premature, he had breathing problems, about two months later he stopped breathing. i blamed myself for the longest. i miss holding him so much he never saw his first birthday. what did i do wrong... after my son passed away the father finally decided to come back into my life. when he found out what happened he showed up at my house drunk he got down on his knees and told me he's sorry for everything and that he wants to make it up to me i just slapped him and slammed the door i haven't talked to him since then. i was 15 he was 17 how could i be so stupid.. 
  chapter 4: tragedy #4 
  the death of my mother, the love of my life and my son. was to much to take. to make things worse two weeks after william my best friend was killed in a shooting. me and lisa been best friends since kindergarden. me and her ended up getting in a horrible fight the day before she was killed if i had a chance to go back in time i would take it she ment everything to me we werent best friends we were sisters. if i could i would take back everything i said i would take back every punch and every hurtful thing i said. i miss her she was the main reason why i didnt slit my throat when alex died the reason why i didnt kill myself through all the bad times she was my guardian angel. it was on april 23rd,2010 at 3:30 am i got a phone call from her sister asking me if i seen her sister if i knew were she was and if i can call her. i told he calm down that i would do my best to contact her. i knew something was wrong when she didnt answer her phone even though we had a horrible fight the night before she always answers her phone.i called her multiple times asking her to call me asap. she never calle back teo hours later i got another phone call it was lisa's little sister she was crying her eyes out she asked me to come over asap. so i snuck out and went over to her house, since she just lived down the street from me. as soon as she answered the door she ran to me and cryed her eyes out and said lisas dead, lisa was shot, i cant believe shes gone. i held her baby sister tight and broke down crying i told her shes in a better place now shes in heaven shes gods angel know. she stopped crying and told me lisas are angel not gods. she was ares first. she was an angel she was my sister are sister and she wants her back. i stayed with her for a week then went home. if i could go back in time i would i should o never said those things to lisa i shold of never left her sister. the day after i left her she hung herself and left a note. saying lisas her angel shes going to be with her angel. i cryed when i saw that note not only was i going to my best friends funeral i was also going to her baby sisters. i miss them so much i blame myself sometimes as much as i want to change the past i cant, i wont. 
  chapter 5: the end 
  as much as i want to change my past i cant, i wont. my past is what made me who i am today and i wouldnt change that for the world.they never found her killer and they released alexs killer two years after it happened. just when i thought everything was going to be okay that everything was almost back to normal i screw up. i messed up so many times i dont even know who i am anymore i changed for the worse. i dont even know the person looking at me i should, i need to find her who knows how long that would take im always finding someone to blame, when truth be told the only person to blame is the girl in the mirror. i need to change my ways, i want to change. im 16 years old i cut myself every night, i wish i was dead. i wonder what life, the world would be without me around. my life isnt perfect i made more mistakes than anything else, i have done more bad then good. i am who i am i wouldn't  change that for the world.  
   
   
   Publication Date: July 17th 2010 https://www.bookrix.com/-brittneyjo