text: Shy Ward Complacency (Work in Progress) Endings and Beginnings This book obviously is not finished but it's been sitting in my hard drive for a little while now so i thought I'd give a test run.  Thanks in advance to for taking the time to view it! 
   
   
   Waking Up 
   She thinks she can feel her heart breaking. Literally piece by piece is splintering and spreading throughout her chest. It feels overwhelming, almost panicky. This could be an overactive imagination from feelings of insecurity, not even reality; or even a dream, a compulsive nightmare trying to swallow its victim. Aliyah pinches her skin, wanting to wake up from this nightmare, break away from this depressing, smothering feeling and breathe, feel her pulse so that her heart feels back to normal. Her skin is numb, she can’t feel its normal sensation. Pinch harder…..nothing. Panic is rising, desperate for some feeling, desperate for this to be a mind over matter emotional nightmare, she runs to the kitchen and picks up a knife. Rational thinking has gone out the window because this is a dream. It has to be a horrible dream. Almost in tears with so much pressure in her chest and wanting out she quickly decides to slice the inside of her thigh. 
     
   “Ahhhh! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT!” is her reaction. 
     
   She runs to the bathroom and searches for peroxide and bandages. Sitting over the side of the bathtub, she pours the alcohol and cringes in pain and the unbelievable reality that she cut herself. “Who does this,” she thought, “Oh my God, I must be going insane.” 
     
   He left me, he really just left me. What went wrong, I don’t understand, a month ago, I was his world and he knew he was going to marry me. What happened? What am I going to do? He just left with this bullshit excuse! What really happened? What really went wrong?! Oh my God, I have changed everything for him! Okay, calm down, calm down, get cleaned up and don’t fucking cry. If I lose it, it’s going to be too hard to snap back. 
   Aliyah bandages her leg, shaking her head at what she just did. She just wanted to wake up from a nightmare, not scar herself and think that she’s gone crazy. A lesson learned, deal with it without taking drastic measures. There’s vodka in the cupboard, but its Wednesday and with this new job having her on probation for another three weeks, she couldn’t afford to oversleep. Opting for a Nyquil to ease her into sleep and fighting against tears, she went to bed, ignoring everything around the room that was his. 
   
   
   
   Ten Years 
     
   Eric Dent had a lot of time on his hands now to think about everything and everyone he did wrong. When he heard that gavel slap down and those words that seemed like they came out of the judges mouth in milliseconds, T E N Y E A R S, it was like his heart stopped. He couldn’t even think of how lucky he was to not have gotten thirty, because that’s what he had been facing. It was such an unusual case though. A man who had maintained a job and went to work every day for the last ten years on kingpin status is definitely an unusual case. With quick thinking, he skimmed the courtroom for his son and his woman, making eye contact and seeing the look of shock on her face, he mouthed, “I love you.” He wanted her to know, not to forget him and he needs her to stand by him. Not seeing his wife or his daughter, he walked out in handcuffs and all that was on his mind is how to do the time. 
     
   At intake, his nerves were eating him up. He wanted to make a phone call. He needed to talk to the one person that could ease his mind, if only for a few minutes. All the thoughts of how much of the ten years he would have to do, his children growing up without him, Leanne moving on. He needed to call Leanne badly. He was already feeling like a different man, a one woman man, you can depend on me, I’ll never leave you or hurt you ever again man. 
     
   He did her so dirty, so damn dirty, she doesn’t even know just how dirty. What will he do if she finds out how dirty? She’s the only one he trusts. All he could think of was how he left things with too much in the way to break the ice to discovery and not a damn dime in her bank account. Caught with over a million in his attic and the NYPD got every bit of it, plus the flat screens, cars, jewelry and the diamond engagement ring right off her finger. He could have made sure she had a nest egg, but controlling the money while offering luxury is the best way to keep anyone in line, especially if she has your baby. 
     
   He wouldn’t get a call until he got to his permanent cell placement. He was going to have to wait this out. In the meantime, enjoy not having a cell mate. Taking a look in the mirror, he saw the criminal he never really acknowledged over the years. There he was, pushing him to do his time like a man. “I guess it’s my time to pay,” he says to the criminal in the mirror. 
     
   Leanne: 
     
   Oh my God, oh my God, what am I going to do?! Ten years? Ten years? Ten M-F-ing years?! I just want to curl up in my bed. Who is calling my phone? Nosey people, that’s all, pretending to care and be all sympathetic because they heard the news. I could snap if I answer that phone. I wish I could throw it out the window if I had money to replace it. Oh yeah, I can’t cause my man was so damn selfish and controlling, he didn’t leave a damn dime to me and my kids to get through this if he ever got busted. My house, my car, my livelihood is on the damn line and I still love him. What is wrong with me? They even got my ring. I could have at least pawned it. 
   Leanne cannot feel her tears sliding down her face due to the full capacity of seemingly a thousand different emotions and thoughts electrocuting her body at that moment. She wanted someone to talk to, but she couldn’t control herself right now. She needs a few days alone, without the kids. Tomorrow she will send them with family, just a favor with no explanations and no talking. She needed to cry it all out, alone, in bed, no phone or outside interferences on his side of the bed. She needed to cry her way back to reality in order to get herself together and she didn’t want her children to see that pain, especially her daughter. She didn’t want to teach Natalie the way to be weak for men who make decisions that split up families. She didn’t even want her to date men like the ones she dated. That fast money man, greedy, lying and manipulating. He’s loving too, a great provider, sweet, jealous, emotionally unstable at times. Thinking of it all was a head ache, keeping her thoughts together seemed like a task for a corporate executive or something. She felt like she would pay someone to sort this all out for her if she could. 
     
   “I just need some time to figure this out,” she said aloud. 
     
     
   
   
   
   Single Man 
     
   Terrance Andrews was chilling. He had a few days off, he was single, a few drinks with the fam, football. It was cool. Earlier that day he thought it was crazy that he was even thinking about his ex. Why she hadn’t attempted to contact him since the break-up. He knew she was devastated. She loved him, was in love and he knew it. She never failed to show how she felt. It was the many things that he had loved about her personality. 
     
   It had been almost three weeks, and nothing. He thought it would be easier for her to handle if he didn’t lead her on in any form or fashion, so texting and emailing to see if she was alright had been out of the question, but now, he wanted to. He wondered about whether she was just taking it so hard and depressed or what if she didn’t care at all. Worse, what if she already moved on, which means, there had to be someone else on the side in the first place. 
     
   Thinking that Aliyah may have been dealing with someone else hurt Terrence’s pride at the thought of it, he felt a little jealous and pissed, until he realized that he shouldn’t even be caring, and why in the hell is he hurt, jealous or pissed when he left her. 
     
   “Go Cowboys!” Yeah! Yeah! That’s what I’m talking about baby! Terry, get in here! You missing this instant replay! Beat them Skins!” 
     
   He was thinking too much about his ex that he lost focus on the game. Grabbing four beers from the fridge, he headed back to the den. Still, he hadn’t even cared to give her a thought in the past three weeks while enjoying being single and walking out on his share of the bills. She would figure it out, that’s the type of woman she was. She wasn’t the one to drown when things got down, she’d figure out how to float until she could swim the distance. Terrance loved that about her. 
     
   ‘What’s up with you man, shake it off, get in the game,’ he thought to himself. 
     
   He still couldn’t help to think about the fact that she didn’t call. Then came the thought of his clothes and shoes that were still left at the house they shared together. Did she trash them, bleach them, burn them? If she didn’t, were the locked changed so he couldn’t get in to retrieve them? Why hasn’t she sent a text for him to come get his stuff like the angry woman who just got left by her man with all the bills after jumping the gun and moving 500 miles from any other support? 
     
   Terrance began to feel like crap. Thinking of all that was making him feel like less of a man and more of a coward for not at least taking into consideration that a woman who loved him flipped her whole life to accommodate him and he just bounced without paying the rent. It wouldn’t even be weighing in on him if she had at least been a bug-a-boo and attempted to contact him, at least then he really would have validation of the reason he felt he left. Now, he wasn’t sure. He wondered what she was up to. Not even knowing the real reason for it, he began to feel jealous and a little desperate to find out if she had moved on with her life. 
   
   
   
   Test 
     
   The beds were hard, floors cold, food awful, space non-existent. To top it off, Eric was afraid to go to sleep. They were on full lock down after a deal gone bad on the tier earlier. Just to the right of him, another man had is face beaten in by a locked placed in a sock and used as a weapon. They just simply call that contraption a lock-in-a-sock. Eric hadn’t even seen the man coming. Blood splattered all over, it was all over his shirt, face and hair from sitting to close to the target. He had been cool, staying to himself, not really bonding, just feeling his surroundings and talking to his counselor when he could. He wanted to get qualified for as many of the programs as he could that would help him get out of there sooner than later. The whole reality of seeing the violent reaction to a man beaten bloody by another angry man over a tasty cake was a wake-up call. He just wanted to do his time and go home, not trade snack packs, cokes and noodles and get messed up over filling or no filling. 
     
   His eyes where still irritated due to the misty pepper spray used by the guards to break up the fight and control the situation. He had promptly backed away and removed his top shirt when he saw a group of them enter the unit. He removed his shirt because, regardless of whether he was involved or not, there was evidence on it and he would at least be taken into the Lieutenant’s office for questioning. He definitely wasn’t going to be labeled as a snitch, nobody knew him and right now, there would be nobody to back him up that he wasn’t a snitch. That obvious fact t that he would be considered a white boy snitching would probably make it worse, at least that is what he assumed. To avoid everything, let the shirt go, trash it. 
     
   Both the attacker and the victim were handcuffed and taken out of the unit. One of them was going to need serious medical attention. The Unit was locked down. He wondered how long this would last, especially since the bagged meals that came down were peanut butter and jelly, an apple and milk. 
     
   No phone calls would be made while on lock down. Even when let out a few at a time for showers, the phones were cut off. What if I wanted to call my girl instead of taking a shower, eric pondered. His mind started wandering, wondering what she was doing, if she were even home, who she might be with, or if she was patiently waiting on his call. 
   
   
   
   "A" Game 
     
   Looking in the mirror, the face I see looking back at me is the face of a broken girl. Her caramel skin was missing her glow, eyes missing the light. She stood behind a mask now adding what was naturally missing underneath make-up so that when she walked into the business meeting all that stood before her team was a woman who was radiant and confident, with a smile on her face that says “life is good,” her "A" game. 
     
   In this new environment and in this new place of New York City, there is no one who can tell that Aliyah silently condemned herself because of the signs she missed, and the moves she made to uproot her life for someone who didn’t turn out to be the person he was supposed to be. At the same time, she had found a wonderful job which could possibly be a great career if only she chose to stay. She was only still in this City because she didn’t want to run back home to North Carolina as a failure. Everyone told her to stay, don’t go. There were people, family and friends that looked up to her and she didn’t want to admit, she made a bad decision even though she felt it before she left home. Nobody knew the things she kept hidden, her secret battle within herself that had nothing to do with a relationship, but herself. 
     
   Alright young lady, let’s get out of here and go run this camp. 
     
   Michelle, I’m not telling you that I couldn’t use a little help in my office. What I am telling you is that I have no time for a sand bagging kid, who thinks that being an A+ student and getting minimum wage just to buy a pair of the hottest Jordans working in my office, temp or no temp, I don’t have any children and I don’t wipe snot noses or asses. Get me an adult!! 
     
   I was frustrated, since becoming the top Advertising Accounts Executive at my company, I had been on a roll, but once I lost my assistant who decided to go to school full time instead of part time night courses, good help was hard to come by. I have no time for babysitting interns. I need someone who can take instructions, follow them and doesn’t need 50 damn confirmations while I’m in between meetings, or my five minute coffee break. Every minute counted and I don’t want to include any headaches. I’m a scheduler, it I wasn’t, it would be easy to lose control and fall apart. It took time to develop the skills and efficiency that I have acquired in the time I acquired it and the circumstances that I came from. Life is good. The pay…yeah that’s good too, although I hardly had time to enjoy its lucrative advantages. I was on my "A" game, at 26 years old and I was definitely well put together by now. 
     
   It’s been 5 years since I moved to New York City with my self- absorbed boyfriend at the time and he broke my heart, left me high and dry with the rent note in the ghetto, minimal knowledge of the subway system or any clue as to survive in what I would call the unofficial capital of the world. I was so fascinated by this City when I first came and quite intimidated by the thought of living here and it not just being a weekend trip or a short vacation. I was going to live amongst this crazy diversity of people who depended on taxis and subways and knew their way around the blocks, streets and avenues. Yes there is a difference. It’s just one complete huge grid, it’s a maze. Coming from Winston-Salem North Carolina, I am a country girl and oh my the culture shock from South to North was difficult to adjust to, especially since that asshole left me to fend of myself in a city where cabbies don’t just take advantage of tourists, but anyone who is not paying attention. Never say yes to taking the FDR, never. You have to watch yourself being alone, unknown and unfamiliar in a place where everyone jaywalks, the streets smell like piss, and stealing cabs is a mission of snooze you lose. You must walk fast and go with the flow of the crowd and don’t bother to complain about pushy people, bumping shoulders and no one has time to say or even thing about excuse me, please and thank you. 
     
   All of this was annoying and had me ready to bash a few people’s heads in, but once I realized that it’s the culture and either I had to adapt or be swallowed, I chose adaptation and I have loved it ever since. Once I was past the site seeing and tourist stage, the break up the heart ache, got a new job, I was on a roll; new home, Mercedes, and even a favorite designer. I was a hot market for political campaign advertising and shall I say sweet on the eyes. Initially, that’s how I acquired my first political commercial. A police chief, running for City attorney had his eye on me during an advertising planning meeting where I was on the board. He wanted a date, I wanted a top account to prove that I had what it took to be an executive, I needed a pay raise and some well-deserved respect. Once he realized I wasn’t just a pretty piece of meat and that my first mini campaigns resulted in favoritism of him winning the seat. He stopped hitting on me and told me to go to work. I got some great recommendations and support once I wedged my foot in the door. Besides we just didn’t match and I didn’t need anyone thinking that I had slept my way into business. It was strictly business, however I can say a year prior to that, the forty extra pounds I had on me probably would have gotten me looked over. Now that I am in a position of respect and power, keep your eyes in check though. It’s sad to say, but it’s the truth. Looks help. 
     
   “Diana, what are you doing for lunch”, I asked my assistant. Diana looked young, although she was a year older than myself. She was bi-racial, light brown skin, shoulder length dark semi kinky curls. She stood at 5’2 and was a bubbly refreshing presence in the office each day. I was a little jealous of her slim physique, although, I loved my hips, they were a constant distraction within my wardrobe and the attention of many googly eyes when I walked into business meetings. Buying my outfits two sizes bigger only showed me to be desperately trying to hide my hips and shamefully noticing that it didn’t work. 
     
   “Oh hey, Patrick is meeting me for pizza at Vinny’s.” She smiled. “What are you doing?” 
     
   “Oh, well okay, girl, I will just grab a snack down the hall, “ I replied disappointingly. 
     
   I liked Diana, that was my roll dog and at times, I lived vicariously through her whenever I had some down time and could catch up at work. She would often invite me out for drinks, but I was always too busy. Plus she liked the buddy system. Meeting a guy and having him bring his guy friend, punching up. 
     
   I’m not too old for a punch up……or am I. I mean being 21 and punching up with your girls is fine, but 26….I’m supposed to be weening out the corn nuggets from the full course meal. My stomach growled. 
     
   “You wanna come,” Diana interrupted my thoughts. I was hungry, but lately Diana has been talking up this Patrick guy a lot and they had been spending a lot of time together. She liked him and could very well label them as dating. I didn’t want to intrude, so I declined the invitation. The phone rang on my desk and I scurried from the doorway to answer it. I couldn’t believe the voice I heard on the other end. 
     
   “Hi, Liyah? It’s been a long time. How have you been?” 
     
   
   
   
   A Mismanaged LifeStyle 
   Terrence Pov 
     
   I had made some horrible mistakes in my lifetime. I have deceived women, victimized them with my words, charm, mannerisms. I may be a womanizer but I am also a gentleman. Regardless, I have sexualized them, told them everything I knew I wanted to hear, bag them, use them, leave them. Worst of all, there was one that was a good girl, I did her dirty. I had a lot of good girls, who had something going for themselves. They were faithful, trustworthy and loving. Sweet girls, no not girls, I had come across and had a chance at some good women. I did a lot of them dirty, all of them I did dirty; disrespected them, ran around on them. There were women who I could have married and they would have made great wives. 
     
   There was one though that I could never seem to shake. When I left her, I expected it to be just like all the rest. She would bug me, wonder what she did wrong, give up the ass until she forced herself to not be used like a piece of meat, entice me. She did none of that. 
     
   She didn’t ever bother me once, and she didn’t let me come trump back up into her life either, once I didn’t get the satisfaction of feeling as though she couldn’t live without me. She let me drop the flag, and then she made a conscious decision to burn it and not tuck it away. RESPECT. Why couldn’t I have gotten myself together and married that girl. She had given up everything and ignored every advice in the world against me to move upstate to be with me. I left her and she still never blamed herself. She found her way and I know for a fact she was doing well for herself now without running back home. She conquered in the Big Apple. 
     
   I was good at making women feel like they were in the wrong. Men could make many mistakes and expect women to forgive them, and they usually did. Women had no room in society to make mistakes. Women rule the world, and they don’t even know it. Pussy is everything and could unite nations together or tear them apart. Men know this, but we pull on, hold and then sabotage the very weakness in women, their unconditional love, devotion and nurturing for her male counterpart. That’s the only way to control a woman, pull at her heart strings. 
     
   “Olivia, what’s going on, I’m sort of busy right now.” 
     
   “Hey Terrence, we need to talk.” 
     
   “I told you I’m busy Liv, I’ve got to go,” I pulled the phone away from my ear to look for the button to end the call. 
     
   “I’m HIV positive. 
     
   ”What? I know I didn’t just hear that. I paused and raise the phone back against my ear.“What did you just say to me?” 
     
   “I’m so sorry Terrence, I just found out that I am HIV positive.” 
     
   “When the…what the fuck? When?” 
     
   “I’ve known for about two weeks now.” 
     
   “It’s three months since we slept together. So what, you caught it after us,” I depended on this answer from Olivia. She was a good, faithful girl. Once she confirmed that she had unprotected sex with someone else after we stopped sleeping together then I would tell her that I’m sorry, and ask her if there was anything I could do. Act concerned, even though I wouldn’t lay a forefinger on her. 
     
   Harsh, well I’d hug her. 
     
   I had never been in love with her, but I cared for Olivia. I cared enough to deal with her for about a year and some change. We continued to sleep around once I walked out on her after she caught me cheating after she showed up at my place unannounced one Sunday morning to surprise me. 
     
   She didn’t know I lied to her about my business trip and had only left town for a day. She thought I was gone for the whole weekend. The look of shock on her face, man, I thought she was going to kill me. I had been in these situations before, been caught in other women’s beds before with other women. 
     
   Olivia, though she was a classy female, she was still born and raised in the hood, and she carried a registered firearm in her glove compartment. Luckily for me, once the chick laying beside me got the piss beat out of her and I broke them apart, I pulled her into me. I held her and told the other woman to leave. I looked Olivia in her eyes told her how I was unhappy and had been unhappy. I was still with her because I was waiting for her to change. 
     
   It was a screaming match and did cause me to get the crap slapped out of me, but once she broke down and started to cry and pleading for some answers, I went alpha male. I took the attention off of me and placed it on her. It was her fault I couldn’t be faithful. 
     
   Told her she didn’t make me feel like a man should feel, sex was a problem, her male friends she still had saved in her phone, little shit that didn’t make any sense in the first place. Things that after she got over the heart break, she would realize they were just excuses to keep her in love with me for however long it lasted and to keep her from breaking my nose and fucking up everything in my apartment. I had done it, flipped this on her not satisfying me and pushing me away as a way to justify what I had done to her. Women want to please. They question their ability to please you and they beat themselves up. She wasn’t strong enough for a man of my character. 
     
   “I can’t be sure. It could have been while we were together, but that doesn’t mean you have it.” she stated hurriedly. “I’m sorry T, I’m so sorry, I just thought that I’d tell you instead of letting the clinic call you.” 
     
   “You were sleeping around on me?” I didn’t call women bitches, that wasn’t in my nature. I’m a lover, not a fighter, but she deserved it, I really should have. First, I thought she was a decent woman and I trusted her, and to find out she was cheating on me. I only picked good girls. I looked for qualities like that. Good, clean women. This one had me fooled. All kinds of things were running through my head. Everything but the most important thing. When did she find the time to do it, who, how many. Did she play me instead? I could dish it, but I couldn’t take it? 
     
   “You are a whore ass dirty slut! Don’t call me anymore and I’m not playing either Liv!” I slammed the phone down, cracking my iphone screen. I didn’t care. 
     
   *** 
     
     
    Mr. Andrews? I heard the nurse call my name. “The doctor is ready to see you now.” I was shaken. It took me two days to make the call to my physician. I got in pretty quick. The doc and I are pretty good friends and without a shadow of a doubt, I knew he would keep this information confidential if I were infected. My nerves were bad. I hadn’t slept well nor answered any calls, texts or even to work. I had called in, told them I was ill and would be in when cleared by my doctor. I stepped in the room. The nurse did not take my vitals, doc told her, he would take care of it and to get the next patient ready. Dr. Jeff Norton, we were old friends and brothers. He was the only white man I ever trusted, and my closest friend. 
     
     
    He didn’t say a word while checking my blood pressure and temperature. I wanted to break the tension so badly. This was my boy. It was tense, while he was playing nurse all I could think about was what could be going on through his mind. I knew he was disappointed in me. Jeff told me time and time again, “protect yourself, just cause they look clean and act innocent and like you mean the world to them, doesn’t mean they don’t have a past. Women trust men not to hurt them as well when it comes to being intimate. If she is messing with a man like you, who sleeps with multiple women and she doesn’t know it, then she has probably slept with someone else like you. Stop using idealizations and character traits as a form of protecting yourself from diseases man. I see these type of mistakes every day in this profession. “ 
     
   A phlebotomist came in and drew my blood. I held my breath the entire time. I was scared of what that dark red liquid floating inside that tube was going to tell Jeff about me. I was petrified. When the phlebotomist left, Jeff finally spoke. 
     
   “You know, it’s not 100% guaranteed that you will catch HIV from have sex with an infected person. It doesn’t mean you are immune, just means you were lucky this time.” Was he rubbing an " I told you so"  in my face? If he is, I’d knock him the fuck out right not. 
     
     
   “Terrence, your test may be negative. If it’s not, well you know HIV is not a death sentence. It’s not AIDS Terrence.” 
     
   I looked at him, hopped off the table and walked out. He told me so. 
     
     
   
   
   
   Ghost from the Past 
   Aliyah 
     
    Ghost from the Past**Aliyah** “Hi, Liyah? It’s been a long time. How have you been?” 
     
   The voice on the other line was startling. It was so familiar, but it couldn’t be. How had he found her and what nerve he had to contact her after so many years after he did what he did?“ 
   This is Aliyah Kelly, how may I assist you today?” I knew this voice, but didn’t believe it. It couldn’t be. 
     
   “Liyah, baby, it’s me, Terrence.” 
     
   “Terrance?” 
     
   “Andrews, it’s Terrence Andrews. How have you been?” 
     
   “Well…..hello Terrence Andrews. It has been a while. I am very well, thank you.” 
     
   “That’s good, that’s good to hear. Listen, I know I was wondering if maybe you would like to have coffee with me Saturday morning, you know just to catch up.” 
     
   “Terrence, its been five years and you call me up and ask me out for coffee? How did you get my contact information anyway?” 
     
   “ Haha…..sorry, I’m not laughing at you, its just that I found your profile on Linkedin and saw you were working in advertising, so I kind of started going through the phone book and called around to human resourse departments and um, yeah, that’s how I found you. 
     
   What in the entire hell? Did this man just admit to stalking me? Okay it was his first time contacting me since he found out I trashed and burned all his belongings five years ago, the ones I couldn’t sell online and down at the flea market that is. 
     
   “Okay, well I cannot meet you for coffee, is there something else I can help you with?” 
     
   “Well why not? I just wanted to see how you’ve been. You’ve been on my mind on and off for the last five years, I regret we didn’t end on better terms and stay friends.” 
     
   “So you want to meet me at a coffee shop to tell me that after you up and left me alone after I shifted my whole life for you with the help of no one in a city all alone that you wished we were still friends? I don’t think so Terrence. I’m glad you are well and if you don’t mind, I need to be getting back to work.” 
     
   “Li-Li I” 
     
   “Goodbye Terrence.” 
     
   I hung up the receiver, ha nice try, contacting me after so long to say sorry, the nerve of him.It’s not that I was angry with Terrence. I was not angry at all. As a matter of fact, he did me a huge favor. Without going through what he put me through, I wouldn’t have thrived as well as I was here in this big city. I was so in love, I was blinded, but I got myself together, found my dignity and got back to making sure that I was the sole purpose in my life, my happiness and found a great career. He would have held me back. Yes, I was very grateful to him for breaking my heart and flying out the door. It was definitely his loss and my total gain. 
   
   
   
   Time Passed and Here I AM 
   Leanne 
     
   "Heyyyy babe, I'm going to have to cancel dinner tonight, my son isn't feeling well." 
     
   I was lying, I prayed God would forgive for using my son to get out of seeing Shane.  I had been seeing him on and off for the past five years.  He was a player, in and out ot jail for petty distribution, on work release I saw him alot cause he worked for his father's company, at least on paper he did.  He had to be back to the jail by 8 pm, so from 6 am to 8 pm three times a week he was with me.  He was due to be out soon in the next month but I had a change of heart, I didn't want his no good ass.  It was all fun and games while I got used to being single since Eric went to jail.  I didn't want him either, but deep down inside, I was still in love with him....I think. 
     
   "Aww dang I hope he feels better, you want me to just come over and keep you company then?" 
     
   "No, I'm going to call it a night, plus my sister is coming by and you know to talk and stuff, so I will just see you another time," I lied. 
     
   "Alright then." 
     
   "Alright bye," I quickly hung up before he could suggest something else, forcing me to lie to him again. 
     
   My sister wasn't coming, she doesn't care for him too much so throwing that out there was a way to discourage him from wanting to come. 
     
   Eric was on my mind, its been five years and over that course of time he had divorced his wife and proposed to me for the third time with a third ring.  I had three engagement rings and he dropped a hefty penny on this last one that I still wasn't wearing.  His parents were good to me and my kids, even though my daughter wasn't his child.  They helped out a lot and even though he got popped with $750 grand in his car, he somehow still had hidden money that they could access to help me out with the kids.  I still didn't understand why he didn't just give me primary access to these funds though.  I had a little that started as $50,000 in a safe deposit box, but for someone who was carrying around more that half a million dollars in the trunk of his car, why was I holding such a small ration that I didn't even touch unless I needed to.  
     
   I had to move, get a new car with payments because the car he bought for me was repossessed because he didn't put the title in my name because he wanted half the money he paid for it and found out that he had a slew of women he was taking care of on the side that had cars that he bought!  Bastard!  I had is son and he thought that I was going to stick around forever.  Well news flash baby, I been doing my thing while he's been crying for my attention every phone call. 
     
   Now he was coming home in 2 weeks and I was beginning to feel confused.  I didn't let him know that though, as far as he was concerned, I didn't want him and I would keep it that way until he spent his last trying hand on earning me back.  I was preparing for his return, even though he will be staying with his parents, thank goodness, I was going to get me some me time while he spent many days making up for lost time with my kids.  
     
   The phone rang. "Hello?"  "Yes I accept the collect call." It was Eric.  I lay back on my King sized bed and reach under my pillow for my vibrator.  I've been waiting for his call all day.  I'm going to sleep good tonight. 
   
   
   
   The Opportunity 
   Eric: 
     
   " Mr. Dent, I have checked out all the information on your references and your home plan.  It seems that you have completed all your program requirements to be considered for early parole release.  What I am concerned about is your ability to re-enter society and not end up on the statistical end of recidivism.  Are you absolutely ready to leave behind your old ways and become a productive citizen of society.  Is there anything that you would like to add today in consideration for your parole decision?" 
   "Yes ma'am.  This is my first major incarceration.  I have received no infractions since it has started and yes, I have completed all program requirements.  My parents have been very supportive of me and as you can see that is who I've listed as my home plan.  I already have a job waiting for me on the outside and I have a family of my own.  A son that I have missed out on potty training and starting his first day of school and many other things.  Prison has not been a playground for me, it has kept me away from a lot of important mile stones in both my life and the life of my son and quality time with my family.  I'm ready to go back, I've lived a normal uncriminal life before, and to prevent my return to prison and my son becoming a statistic, I'm done with my old life.  It wasn't about not being smart enough to not get caught, it was about realizing that I have a responsibilty as a father and positive role model to my son and I'm ready to catch up with that and be that man.  That's that most important job that I will ever have is to be a father, so today, I'm hoping that the board will give me that opportunity to do that.  That is all I have to say." 
   The panel of parole officers seemed optimistic about his statement.  He had no institutional record since his incarceration.  Eric spoke with enthusiasm and of high intelligence.  He felt that the parole hearing was positive and he would soon be free on parole.  He would see his son and his soon to be wife and his step daughter.  Everything he missed out on would soon be replaced by positive memories and a happily ever after.  He was ready.  Prison was not for him.  He was ready for a new life, regardless of the challenges.  He was going to win back Leanne's love.  He would finalize his divorce from his first wife and he was going to marry Leanne.  There was nothing stopping him from getting what he wanted and making it up to her. 
   
   
   
   Turned Down to Turn Up 
   Terrence Pov 
     
   There was a time when I wouldn't have cared if I was turned down for a coffee date or any other date, matter of fact, maybe I would have since it didn't happen often due to a woman despising my presence.   "I really messed up" , I thought to myself. 
   Aliyah didn't want to see me, but I needed to see her.  After my recent scare after talking to Olivia, it had scared me straight.  Jeff had given me a call about my test results.  Usually the nurse did that, but since we were childhood friends, I knew that he wanted to deliver the news personally. 
     
   "Hey man, how you feeling", Jeff said on the other line. 
     
   "How am I feeling?  What do you mean how am I feeling?  What's Up Jeff?" 
     
   "I just wanted to give you a call and see how you are doing man?" 
     
   "Jeff, stop playing with me man!  Did my test results come back?  I need to know and you are playing with me right now!  This is serious man, I haven't slept in days!", I shouted over the phone while pacing my living room. 
     
   "Calm down my friend, your test results were negative." 
     
   A huge side of relief poured over my body.  I felt my heart sputter and chills fell over my hands and feet from the anxiety that had built up.  My skin was clammy from sweat. 
     
   "So I'm HIV negative?" I needed to him to reaffirm what he just said. 
     
   "That's what negative means Terr." 
     
   "Aww man, thanks, but don't play with me like that, man, I just thought it was going to be the end of my life just a minute ago.  You got me sweatin over here." 
     
   "Well, I'm glad that you are good and you won't be dying off from the bug, anything else, I can't help you with," Jeff joked. 
     
   "Ha ha ha, very funny.  So what's up with you, it's a Friday night, let's go out and celebrate these chains that just fell off of me.  I want to go to $pin, and have some drinks on me." 
     
   "Alright man, hit me up around 8, I should be done with all this work and home by then." 
     
   "Yeah man, alright, see ya later, and thanks again." 
     
   Jeff hung up the phone and so did I.  I hadn't realized I had stopped pacing and even sat down to the bar separating my living room and kitchen.  I just sat in silence for a while, taking in the absolutely relieving conversation that I had just ended.  
     
   
   I can't believe how close I came to death, I mean, I know people live long with it with the right care and medicine but I never thought it would be me that would have to depend on the answer to that situation.  Dang, I'm lucky.....no not lucky, I'm blessed.  I know there's a God, with my history, there has to be a God. 
   
     
     
     
   
   ****** 
   
     
   "  What's up T?" 
     
   "Heyyy Jeff!  My man!  Whatchu drinkin, I'm buying!  Hey honey," Terrence called out to the bartender, "Anything he wants through this whole night, put it on my tab." 
     
   "You got it cutie," the bartender smiled.  It wasn't just an ordinary, friendly customer service smile.  Terrence blushed, she was sexy, who wouldn't. 
     
   "And um, another for me and her is a tip in advance for your trouble sweetie."  He handed her a fifty dollar bill.  She placed it in her cleavage, blew him a kiss with her red sparkling lips, turned around slowly and walked away.  Her white latex looking dress was tight and accentuated all of her curves.  Terrence was in lust.  She wanted it and he wanted to give it to her. 
     
   "Hey man, the bartender, really?  Didn't you just clear your head of headache earlier?  Now you want to screw the bartender that you have known of of 20 seconds, and don't even know her name!"  Jeff proclaimed. 
     
   "Nobody said anything about screwing her.  I was just admiring a beautiful woman.  Come on, we are out having a good time, I gave her a tip.  Hell, she deserves it the way she is working that dress with that body in it." 
     
   "Yeah and a fifty dollar tip, sounds like you are buying her admiration to me." 
     
   "Jeff, you sound like a broke hater, and I know you getting paid doctor, Dr. Jeff Norton." 
     
   They laughed as the bartender brought their drinks to the counter along with a slip of paper with a phone number and the name Selah.  Selah smiled and licked her lips while turning away and helping another customer she wasn't so friendly with.  Jeff placed the number in his pocket. 
     
   "Terrence you need to throw that away.  Besides, I see something on the other side of the room that you may be more interested in over there in V.I.P." 
     
   Terrence turned around after taking one more look over of Selah's sexy figure to look toward V.I.P. 
     
   "I don't know what you are talking about, that bartender is the sexiest thing I see so far......damn.....is that Aliyah?"   
     
   He lost his train of thought before seeing her.  There she was, the woman he dealt the Joker card to when she should have had the Ace.  He'd been thinking about her for five years and of all the women, he couldn't get her out of his mind.  He'd found out where she worked, where she lived, called her up and couldn't even get her to agree to meet him for a cup of coffee. 
     
   There she was, in the V.I.P. looking sexy and sophisticated all at the same time with bottles and wine glasses dancing with some women he didn't know.  There were a few men in the circle.  He felt jealous.  Who were those men?  Who was the one all up in her face that she was turning up with?  Is he the reason she turned him down?  He was losing his mind and felt as though he was about to explode in a fit of rage. 
     
     
   
   
   
   A Good Time 
    Aliyah 
   I was ecstatic to hear Leanne's voice when she called me at my office earlier today and asked me out for lunch.  It had been a while since I had chatted with her.  She was my very first friend that I made once I got myself somewhat together after moving to New York.  I was still living in the hole that I had shared with Terrance when I first moved up here and bumped into her carrying her groceries and a car seat with a baby and another little one closely behind her.  She dropped her bags. 
   "Excuse you," she bellowed angrily. 
     
   I wasn't about to let a hood rat get all out of pocket with me over an accident that I was just about to apologize for, but it just so happened that I looked at her and changed my opinion of her in that moment.  She was very well dressed with nice designer clothing, but not hood looking, except her big earrings that is.  Her makeup was flawless and so was her hair.  Her children looked very well kept.  I didn't just notice her dress, what really caught me was her eyes and the look in them.  She looked as if she was distressed, very sad, but angry at the same time.  She looked like the hell I saw looking back in the mirror at me just eight months prior.  At that moment, I decided that I wouldn't be a snout and rudely address her just as I felt she did me. 
   "Oh my goodness, I am so sorry.  Please, if you don't mind, I will help you with your bags." 
     
   She looked up at me from the ground where she was collecting her groceries and softened her eyes a little.  
   "I would really appreciate that," she whispered. 
     
   I carried all the groceries behind her up to her third floor apartment while she carried her baby and the over sized car seat.  I thought of how much work that must be, a job rather carrying her children up and down stairs with groceries added, trying to take as much as possible so you don't have to make so many trips. 
   "I'm Aliyah, I live on the second floor,"  introducing myself as I sat her bags onto her kitchen counter. 
   "Thank you for the help, and sorry for snapping at you, I know you didn't mean it, I've just had a rough day......I'm just tired." 
   "So what is your name?" I asked. 
   "Ha ha, yeah, right, I'm Leanne and this is Pia and Prince." Pointing to her daughter and baby boy in the seat. 
   "They are adorable!" 
     
   From that point on, we became like sisters, supporting each other, helping each other move into new homes, celebrating holidays, birthdays and her children were like my children.  There is nothing that I wouldn't do for her or them. 
   At lunch, Leanne and I caught up, talking about work, my non existent love life, and her very complicated love life, the phone call I'd recieved earlier from Terrance, and the idea that her son's father would soon be leaving prison.  
   "Girl, I'm tired of talking about these men, how about we go out tonight and have a little fun," Leanne quizzed. 
   "I'm all for it, I have the next three days off, and I'm due for it," was my response. 
     
   ************************************************************************** 
    Club $pin was spinning tonight!  Leanne was dressed in a black fitted dress with fish net leggings, black and gold high heeled thigh high boots with gold jewelry and long locks of hair surrounding her perfectly made up face with flesh colored lips against her caramel brown skin.  
   Since it had been a long while since I had dressed for a night out, I primped through my closet with all the fresh price tags on them and pulled out a red dress.  It fell just above the knee.  It was opened in the back, exposing a lustful area of flesh and a front split beneath my breast that was designed as a peakaboo for a little tease.  I put on my black red bottoms with my vampire red lipstick and brown eyeliner, swooped my long, overly thick massive curls in a top ponytail just so they would fall to the side of my face but expose my neckline with no necklace to make it look very kissable.  My bottom looked like that of an african princess in this dress and heels.  I knew I was destined for V.I.P. with no funds on me tonight. 
     
   "God, you are beautiful", Aliyah heard a deep voice behind her. 
   "Well hello Jonathan, long time no see."  It was Jonathan Ashe, the account executive for Ames Enterprises, a top headliner for a real estate agency that owned condominiums and sold extrvagant homes to A listers.  He was handsome, with a medeteranian look, sharp jawline, pearly white teeth, strong chest and back, tall and exact from head to toe with a short cut, edged up perfectly and deep dark brown eyes.  He was a pretty boy, and no matter how sexy and attractive Aliyah thought he was, she was turned off by pretty boys, but she couldn't help wanting to be in his presence and going home with him from time to time.  She just thought they weren't relationship material. 
     
   "Aliyah, I never have been able to figure out why you wouldn't give me a chance, and now here we are again.  So how about I buy you and your friend some drinks a bite to eat and all I ask is the priviledge to enjoy your company and share your V.I.P. with me tonight so we can maybe catch up or just have a good time." 
     
   Aliyah, smiling lustfully into Jonathan's eyes saw a bit of distraction just over his shoulder.  One angry and jealous looking Terrance stepping from the bar, walking slowly toward VIP and stopping dead in the middle of the dance floor while watching her every move.  Aliyah, then looked back into Jonathan's eyes and pulled him closer, whispering in his ear, "We can talk about it at your place in the morning." 
     
     
     
     
   
   
   Publication Date: June 16th 2016 https://www.bookrix.com/-njoyabl