text: K. Hart Bittersweet Memories 
   
   
   A way out  
   
  	As I approached his door, I mentally made a list of things to say to him. I also decided to torture myself with some stupid, unnecessary questions; Would it be rude to show up uninvited? What if he’s not home? What if he has somewhere to go? The what-ifs could’ve gone on forever but when I knocked on the door, they all seemed to just fade away.  His little brother,  Jimmy, opened the door. Jimmy was probably around ten years old but he acted a lot younger.  
  	“What are you doing here?” Jimmy asked with a look of confusion on his face. 
  	“I need to see him,” I said, implying his older brother. Jimmy raised and eyebrow before replying. 
  	“Okay. Sorry I didn’t know you were coming.” 
  	“I know. No one did.” 
  	“Alright well he’s upstairs in his bedroom. I’d knock first, you know, just in case.” I couldn’t figure out what he meant by “just in case” but I decided to do what he said.  
  	When I was walking up the stairs, I could feel the nervousness inside of me. The feeling twisted inside of me like lava inside of a volcano ready to erupt. I knocked three times quietly. I heard him get up from his bed.  
  	“Go away,”  he said to me. I took a step back from the door, surprised. Then I remembered he wasn’t even expecting me. So he didn’t know it was me on the other side of that wooden door. 
  	“Ryder, it’s me,” I said quietly. I figured quiet was the best way to go. 
  	The door opened about a foot and a half and I could see him. Ryder was wearing a dark grey long sleeve shirt and dark jeans. His blonde hair was tucked under a black baseball cap. I couldn’t begin to think of a reason for him to be wearing a long sleeve shirt in the hot weather. It was almost ninety degrees out.  
  	“What the hell are you doing here?” Ryder asked me. His voice was quiet and rude. 
  	“I just wanted to see you. Why? What’s going on?” Sudden concern filled me. 
  	“You can’t be here.” 
  	“Why?” 
  	“You just can’t. Do my parents know you’re here?” His eyes kept moving up and down the hallway. 
  	“No. Jimmy let me in.” 
  	“Is he the only one that knows you’re here?” 
  	“Yeah.” I nodded. Ryder grabbed my wrist and pulled my into his bedroom and shut the door behind me. Then he reached up and slid a lock over.  
  	“Why’d you lock it?” I asked. 
  	“Actually I believe the question is why the hell are you here? You didn’t call. I wasn’t expecting you. You cannot be here.” He sounded really angry and I was almost scared.  
  	“I’m sorry. I thought you’d be happy to see me.” 
  	“I’m sorry,” he said, seeing the look on my face. “it just caught me off guard.” 
  	“It’s fine. Why are you wearing a long sleeve shirt? It’s too hot.” At that he crossed his arms and pulled the insides of his wrists towards his body. Then a thought came over me. I figured it wasn’t true. It was just something from my crazy imagination. I tried and tried to push the thought away but it didn’t work. I knew I had to see his wrists to prove myself wrong. I grabbed his wrists and pulled them toward me. To my surprise he didn’t resist. The blood was already soaking through his sleeves. I pushed his sleeves up revealing the deep gashes. I gasped and stepped back, dropping his wrists.  
  	“Ryder,” was all I could push out through my dry throat.  
  	“Melanie, look, its really complicated and its probably best you stay out of it,” Ryder said as he took off his shirt. 
  	“I’m not staying out of it. I don’t want to see you like this. I love you.” Ryder and I had been dating for over a year and we were crazy about each other.  
  	“I know but this is not going to be easy. There will be a lot of pain involved and trust me, you just being here is a risk. You are going to end up hurt. So you should just leave while you still can.” 
  	“No. Whatever is making you do that needs to be stopped. You need to stop. You’re going to end up killing yourself. And I don’t want that. No one does.” He laughed quietly. 
  	“That’s what you think.” I shivered as the blood dripped onto the floor from his wrists.  
  	“Ryder, why would you say that? Why did you do that to yourself?”  
  	“Because-” he stopped suddenly. 
  	“What-” He threw a hand up and covered my mouth. I stayed quiet. I could hear footsteps coming up the stairs.  
  	“Get in the closet, now! Be quiet and don’t come out no matter what,” he said as he pushed me towards his closet. I stood there in his closet as he shut the door. The was a crack where the door met the wall and I could still see him. He quickly put his shirt on and covered his wrists. Then he unlocked his door and lied on his bed. The door flew open so fast I thought it might come off the hinges.  
  	“What are you doing up here? I thought I told you to stack the wood!” It was his dad. He looked furious. For the first time, he looked extremely scary. Ryder got off the bed and stood up straight. 
  	“You did. And I stacked it all,” he said. He looked brave. 
  	“Boy, you better watch the way you speak to me!” his dad yelled. 
  	“Okay, I’m sorry.” 
  	“Where’s your bike?’ he asked Ryder. It sounded like a pretty random question to me.  
  	“I don’t have one.” Ryder answered. 
  	“And why is that?”  
  	“Because I don’t want one.” Ryder said that with more attitude and I immediately felt scared for him. His dad raised his fist and made a growling noise before his fist came in contact with Ryder’s face. I stumbled back and covered my eyes. I couldn’t watch this. But I couldn’t stop myself. I peeked out into the crack again. Ryder was now lying on the ground, curled  up in a ball. His dad kicked him in his back and sides. And when I thought it couldn’t get worse, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a knife. He leaned down towards Ryder’s side and made a deep gash in his left upper arm. The wound stretched from his shoulder to his elbow. 
  	“There,” he spat, “now maybe you have learned.” He walked out the door, slamming it behind him, leaving Ryder bleeding on the floor.  
  	As soon as the door shut and the footsteps faded away, I got out of the closet and went to Ryder. He was still but I could se the unsteady rise and fall of his chest. His arm was pouring blood. I reached over and touched his face. Then he rolled over and looked up at me.  
  	“Go,” he said. His voice was rough.  
  	“Ryder, no. I’m not leaving you here. You cant stay here. Just -” 
  	“Melanie! Go.  Now.” 
  	“Not without you. I will not let you stay here with him. Come stay with me.” 
  	“I can’t. I’m not leaving Jimmy.” 
  	“Jimmy can come too. There’s enough room. Please. I’m not leaving without you. Just come with me.” He sat up with a groan and grabbed my hand.  
  	“Fine,” he said finally with a light laugh. “Stay here. I got to get Jimmy.” He stood up and wiped of his arm. Then he limped out the door and down the stairs.  
  	Ryder and Jimmy walked into the room and they each grabbed a duffel bag. They started stuffing them full of clothes and everything else they found on the floor. Then Ryder zipped both bags and threw them over his shoulders.  “Ready?” he asked. Me and Jimmy looked at each other then both looked at Ryder. “Alright so dad went out back so that means we can sneak out the front. We have to be quick though.” I nodded at followed him and Jimmy out the door and down the stairs. 
   
   
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