text: Adriana Vass Poems... 
   
   
   "REFLECTION" 
     
   
   Come home from school and immidately undress, 
   
   
   Stand in front of the mirror, 
   
   
   So fat from all the stress, 
   
   
   "Why cant I be perfect?" 
   
   
   I whisper to my reflection, 
   
   
   "No more food" I say, 
   
   
   Looking at my pale complexion, 
   
     
   
   Get dressed and hurry to my isolation, 
   
   
   My room is my savior from all this devestation, 
   
   
   Hide under the covers that console me, 
   
   
   Mom will be home soon, 
   
   
   She will try and make me eat, 
   
   
   So I turn out the lights,  
   
   
   And pretend to be asleep, 
   
     
   
   Footsteps and yelling, 
   
   
   Oh no not again, 
   
   
   Moms yelling at dad, 
   
   
   She never was good with men, 
   
   
   She opens my door and I try not to move, 
   
   
   But she knows im not sleeping, 
   
   
   My acting needs to improve, 
   
     
   
   I sit up and shes sad,  
   
   
   But i stay silent, 
   
   
   The reflection keeps playing in my mind, 
   
   
   My mind becomes violent, 
   
   
   Thoughts burn, 
   
   
   Eyes teary, 
   
   
   She grabs me,  
   
   
   She looks weary, 
   
     
   
   I get up and run to the demon that i hate, 
   
   
   the reflection that has ruined me, 
   
   
   My cries are blate, 
   
   
   "You cant define me!!" I yell louder than expected, 
   
   
   Dont look in your reflection, 
   
   
   Because you too will be infected. 
   
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
   
   
   
   "HATE" 
   
   "I hate you" I whisper, 
   
     My eyes grow watery, 
   
   Though im talking to myself, 
   
   
   Have I gone crazy?, 
   
   
   Hate is filled within me, 
   
   
   I begin to wonder if things have changed, 
   
     
   
   Maybe im not the same, 
   
   
   Maybe the person that I see in the the mirror is fake, 
   
   
   Im pretend, 
   
   
   My life is a lie, 
   
   
   I think everything is okay until I finally break, 
   
   
   I get up and wander around a room I once found happy, 
   
   
   But now is a place of sadness and grief, 
   
     
   
   "I hate you" I repeat as I look in the mirror, 
   
   
   I guess I have gone crazy, 
   
   
   Im alone with no one, 
   
   
   My thoughts engulf me, 
   
   
   I begin to think this is all a dream, 
   
   
   Can I wake up?, 
   
   
   This is a nightmare, 
   
     
   
   I roll up my sleeve and see the lines of my past, 
   
   
   Did I do this?, 
   
   
   Im my own monster, 
   
   
   I hate what I have become, 
   
   
   My head pounds, 
   
   
   Im angry now, 
   
     
   
   "I HATE YOU" I yell at the top of my lungs, 
   
   
   I grab the mirror, 
   
   
   My thoughts race as the hate rises, 
   
   
   I throw it to the floor, 
   
   
   I am crazy, 
   
   
   But only for one reason, 
   
   Hate.   
     
     
   
   
   
   "ADDICT" 
   
   Little colorful pills, 
   
   
   Oh how you make me happy, 
   
   
   You take me from reality, 
   
   
   And make me feel less crappy, 
   
   
   You let me resist the urge to seek reality, 
   
   
   I let you take my stability, 
   
     
   
   You almost let me die, 
   
   
   But its okay because im back, 
   
   
   Only to take more of you, 
   
   
   My vision goes black, 
   
   
   I see colors, 
   
   
   Almost as beautiful as you, 
   
     
   
   You control me, 
   
   
   My emotions and all, 
   
   
   You let me laugh at things that hurt me, 
   
   
   Like when I stumble and fall, 
   
   
   You let people take advantage of me, 
   
   
   Why?, 
   
   
   You were supposed to keep me safe, 
   
     
   
   Guys all up on me,  
   
   
   But you dont let me care, 
   
   
   As long as im numb, 
   
   
   And can only feel my shallow breaths of air, 
   
   
   They take advantage and a tear rolls down my cheek, 
   
   
   But later i'll take more of you, 
   
   
   To erase what happened this week, 
   
     
   
   I stumble to the bathroom, 
   
   
    for just one more line, 
   
   
   I fall to the floor, 
   
   
   You take what was mine, 
   
   
   My thoughts and emotions, 
   
   
   Are yours to control, 
   
   
   I grab my weed, 
   
   
   And pack my bowl, 
   
     
   
   I hit hit hit until I cant breathe, 
   
   
   I feel cold, 
   
   
   The line was laced, 
   
   
   Its about time, 
   
   
   My reality was finally erased. 
   
     
     
     
   
   
   
   "SUICIDE" 
     8 years old: 
   
   You lay your head on the window, 
   
   
   with a cup of tea in your tiny hands, 
   
   
   along with your stuffed bear, 
   
   
   watching the tree's blow in sync with the wind, 
   
   
   knowing your getting sleepy so you climb into bed, 
   
   
   you keep an eye on the window, 
   
   
   watching the stars dance in the sky. 
   
     
   
   12 years old: 
   
   
   You come home with tears in your eyes, 
   
   
   with the feeling of hurt in your heart, 
   
   
   you throw yourself onto your bed, 
   
   
   caressing the one stuffed bear you kept no matter how 
   
   
    baby-ish it is, 
   
   
   your breathing slows down,  
   
   
   and your mind starts racing, 
   
   
   you feel like you no longer belong. 
   
     
   
   16 years old: 
   
   
   Your laying on the bathroom floor, 
   
   
   with blood-stained wrists, 
   
   
   and the stench of alcohal on your clothes, 
   
   
   you bring the bottle to your lips, 
   
   
   to make the memories of being hurt just disappear, 
   
   
   you lie restless with bags under your eyes, 
   
   
   and grab the glass once again to feel numb. 
   
     
   
   20 years old: 
   
   
   Your watching from above, 
   
   
   more sad then before, 
   
   
   you thought you were hurt then  
   
   
   but you just wanna go back, 
   
   
   whats done is done, 
   
   
   you tell god to watch over your family,  
   
   
   and for him to forgive them for  
   
   
   hurting you all these years, 
   
   
   you continue to watch people lay  
   
   
   roses, daisies, and lily's on your grave. 
   
     
     
     
     
   
   
   Publication Date: October 20th 2015 https://www.bookrix.com/-tje8e1a48c23065