text: Carissa Ferguson Nobody Knows What It's Like To Be Me .. 'If you tell, I'll make sure that you regret it.' 
   
   
     
         I cant believe daddy hurt my mommy like that! He's a meanie and I don't like him anymore! Every night I come downstairs to see her crying for hours and trying to stay happy infront of me but I know now why mommy wanted me to stay away. because Daddy is so mean and she wants me to stay safe. This has been happening for over a year now. Mommy said daddy hurt her because if mommy didn't let him, he'd come after me. I asked her why she wouldn't tell and she told me that if I or her told anyone what daddy does, he'd make us regret it. and through all this, mommy had me sleep in my room again thinking that nothing would happen but oh something happened. Daddy would sneak in and hit me. He'd hit me until the skin was black, blue and busted. He said it was his way of getting revenge for mommy keeping me away. The first night this started, I screamed but he covered my mouth and hissed 'if you ever do that again, I will kill you and your precious mommy. We wouldn't want that now would we?' So I gulped and let him hit me with his fists and kick me. Mommy knew this happened which made her cry more. She'd hug me and say she was so sorry and that she couldn't do anything without consequences. I turned 9 a few weeks ago but the only present I got was daddy not hitting me as hard as usual. My mom would beg and plead for him to stop and we wouldn't say a word but it was no use. He was here to stay and for as long as he's here, he's gonna keep on doing what he does. On top of that, my 'best friend' Ariana barely lets me sit with her anymore. When I do, all she does is question me about the cuts, bruises, and hand marks on my body. I would say that I'm clumbsy and I guess she just asked to annoy me. My teacher wonders but she doesn't ask, she knows that something goes on, she sees how sad I am but she doesn't bother to ask, to save me, to save me and my mommy from the demon that I'm forced to call daddy. I come home everyday to the same thing, my mommy screaming and crying from inside the guest bedroom, I've gotten used to it though. I don't get dinner, I get what I can find which is why I'm so scrawny and you can see my bones. My outfits that barely fit me and are tore, dirty, and shredded in some places which makes me look ugly. Mommy puts one spray of her watered out perfume on me to make me at least smell nice. I wonder what that phone call was and so I asked my mommy. Everything made sense, Everything. It was daddy on a pay phone and he got our number and tracked us down. He'd told mommy he was going to find us and when he did, he was going to torture us and make us feel the pain he felt all those years in prison because my mom turned him him. and I eventually mommy told me what daddy was doing to her, not hugging. It was called rape and what he does to me is abuse. Those have become the main things happening in my life right now. She said to watch out during the day of him because he won't go easy on me because I'm little or becaise I'm his own daughter! As the months went on, he would come into my room and spend a little extra time in there. He would put his hand my pants and rub all around and did the same thing with my shirt. He was really rough so it hurt the bruises that were already there. He was taking my childhood away from me. I was woke up by my mommy early in the morning. She made pancakes and It was soo good to eat something good and not made by me in the past year and a half. 'Mommy, why are we up so early?' I asked. 'Well because Daddy, ordered for me to make something nice.' She smiled, a real smile because she knew I was happy for once. 'Mommy, daddys been doing other stuff to me too..' She jumped up with the most concerned look, 'What kind of stuff?' 'Well he put his hand in my shirt and in my pants. It hurts because of the bruises there..' She got angry, her face literally turned a little red. 'Well, Just stay strong for me sweetie.' She forced out with a small tears. 'Well, here's Breakfast!' she smiled but it was that fake one again. I kissed her goodbye and said thank you for the delicious breakfast! 'Wait! You know what's in a few weeks?' She smiled 'What?' I couldn't remember anything. 'Your birthday honey!! I'm so excited, you're gonna be ten years old! That's double digits' She said smiling really big. I smiled again and left. It was my birthday soon huh? I was excited. On the bus, a new girl came and sat by me. 'Hi, my name is Amelia, you can call me Mia though,' she looked really nice too. 'Hi,' My voice cracked and I cleared my throat. 'Hi, my name is Cheyenne.' She looked at me wierd, 'you  have a little brown on your face,' I wiped at my cheek and realized it was a bruise. 'Oh, thank you for letting me know' I said quietly. I took a quick look at her and noticed how clean she was, how nice her clothes were. Her family had money and lots of it, I could just tell. I turned back around at the window. I was wearing a skirt that barely covered me and a shirt that had sleeves that turned into a sleevless shirt because it was so small on me and it had lots of rips, holes, and stains on it. I could feel her hard stare look all over me at the bruises. Through the reflection of the window, I looked at her, I saw her look at my clothes, my bruises, cuts, hand prints covering me. She saw the dirt on me and my sad look, my fake smile. She saw it all. 'What happened? Where did all these bruises come from? Why are your clothes so dirty and ripped up?' She was killing me with questions. 'It's nothing, just don't worry about it' I gave the same answer my mom gave but it wasn't good enough for Mia. She was on a roll, just talking and talking and, oh yeah .. TALKING. I just asked her to stop but she wouldn't. I ignored her but she didn't make her stop talking. Just my luck, she was in my class, Mrs. Honey. Mrs. Honey introduced us to Mia. When everybody saw how rich she was and looked, they all tried to sit with her at lunch but Mia just came over by me again. I heavily sighed because I was so annoyed with her. 'Hi Cheyenne!' her perky self said. 'Hi.' I said sadly. 'What's with those bruises?' She asked once more. Right when I was gonna tell her all about my life, everyone came over to the table. 'I can't tell you with all these people' I tried to say over all of them complimenting Mia. Mia shooed them all away from me and ordered for them to go to the farthest table from us. They agreed like they were her slaves. 'So, we're all alone, tell me.' She smiled. 'Well.. please don't tell anyone.' I begged. 'No, don't worry, I won't!' She promised. 'Well my daddy was in jail, and he came into my mommys house with us. At night, when my mommy cries, he sneaks in my room and hits me and cuts me to get his anger out. He also rubs my private places. and he does stuff to my mommy too, if we ever tell, he said he'd make us regret it so please don't tell anyone or he'll get me and my mommy.' I barely took a breath while telling her. Her mouth dropped. 'Oh, I'm so sorry. I can see why you didn't want to tell anyone.' 'Yeah, well I'm gonna finish my lunch' I said stuffing my face. 'Okay.' She said. I though that she would get the message to leave but she didn't, she sat there. I guess I accepted it. I finished my lunch right when the bell rang for class, I glanced at Mia and could tell that her eyes were straight at me and were that way for quiet a while. I just hope that she doesn't tell anyone. I'm starting to regret telling her, I mean I barely know her. I can't judge a book by it's cover, I did the same thing to my daddy but it was different. He was the complete opposite of what I thought he was. The bell rang and I sat on the bus staring out the window, wishing I didn't have to go home. Mia sat beside me, I've had enough of this girl. 'Hi Cheyenne!' She squeaked. 'HI!' I yelled angrily. 'So how are you' 'You heard my story at lunch, how do you think I am?' I hissed. 'Oh, well I'm here for you if you ever wanna talk.' I was confused, she was actually expecting me to trust her. I've known her FOR A DAY and she wants me to put my trust in her. I don't think so. 'Kay thanks.' I murmured. I arrived home and Mia waved bye to me. I waved back but only to be polite. I'd realized that all she wants is to comfort me. I heard screaming that was louder than usual then I ran upstairs to my mommy. 'MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY! WHERE ARE YOU!? WHAT'S HE DOING TO YOU?!' I slammed open the door to see my dad pointing a gun to my moms head. My mom ran to me and hugged and kissed me. 'I love you honey, more than you can ever imagine! I'm sorry, I tried to stand up for us and it backfired. It's the end for me. I love you' She sniffed and was crying so hard. 'Im sorry' she forced out of her mouth. She hugged and kissed me for a few minutes bawling her eyes out. Okay, now go out there. You aren't gonna see anymore of me' She choked on her words. 'Goodbye' she said trembling. I said goodbye and how much I loved her thinking she was just gonna go on a trip for a little while which worried me but there was a lot more in store than I'd thought. My dad pushed me out the door and slammed it in my face. I had to tell my mommy I love you one more time, I shoved the door open 'WAIT!' then BOOM, the gun went off.  I saw my mom fall to the floor with blood out of her head, she opened her eyes half way, I ran to her and hugged her not caring about the blood that will get on me. 'I love you' I said crying. 'I lo-love you.' she coughing up blood. 'I love you too' she said. Her eyes slowly closed and I watched her as she took her last breath. I hugged her for half an hour until Daddy forced me off of her, I screamed and kicked and cried for my mommy. but she wasn't coming back, she was gone and it was ALL HIS FAULT. Wait until Mia hears this. But I shouldn't tell her. How would she know what it's like to be me?  
   
  No One Knows What It's Like To Be Me . 
   
   
   Text: Pictures are from Google Images (: All rights reserved. Publication Date: August 10th 2011 https://www.bookrix.com/-carissanichole.1