text: Sarah Bowden Diary I dedicate this book to the only person who stayed at my side through it all. Jay thanks Stud :D I also, Dedicate this book to everyone who's made a mistake, it happens just learn from it. 
   
   
   How it started 
   My Diary 
   Wednesday 
   I stopped going to church months ago because of the bad decisions that I decided to make. I was only 14 years old when I made this dumb decision and because of that decision I can’t see the one guy who I really like. I went to a church where the teenagers have their own building. Sounds awesome right well that’s how it started. 
     
   Wednesday night service I met this guy named Luke he was 16 and I thought he was just the cutesiest guy ever. I walked up to him and his stepbrother to introduce myself to them. After praise and worship was over everyone had gone outside, Luke walked up to me and asked for my number I didn’t give it to him. He had no problem collecting all the other girl’s numbers though. Me and my friend were talking when Luke walked back up to me and started talking to me; all the girls that saw him talking to me were just jumping in the conversation which was annoying. I walked away and went inside and went to the sound room where I saw Jay. 
     
     
   Me and Jay walked around we even danced, when I was with him I felt happy all the time. Even when we were mad at each other I was still happy because he’s in my life. After Wednesday night was over I went home and started texting Jay. 
     
     
     
     
     
   
   
   
   Lust 
     
   Sunday 
     
   I went to church Sunday and saw my friend Emmanuel he went to school with Luke. He came and sat next to me and said Luke was talking about you at school, he said he wants you to be his main chick. I didn’t know what that was til he explained it to me. A main chick is the girlfriend, Side chicks are the ones that he have on the side. I didn’t really care I just knew that I liked him, stupid yeah I know but that’s how I felt. Even though I liked Luke I liked Jay and still do. 
     
   Church had finished early for the teens so me and my friends walked outside and sat on the bench. I pulled out my phone to text jay just to see how is morning was going. Jay is just one of those guys’ that’s hard to find because there’s not a lot of guys out there like him anymore. He’s just awesome 
   
   
   
   Mistakes 
     
   guys out there like him anymore. He’s just awesome 
     
     
   Wednesday 
     
   I didn’t come to church for 2 Wednesday because I was celebrating my dad’s 40th birthday. I went to church the following Wednesday to walk into drama! This girl Kayla walked up to me and just went off on me, I asked her if we could talk outside because praise and worship was going on and everyone was staring at us. We walked outside and she said this girl who claimed to be my sister told her to say away from Luke cause Luke was Sarah’s (Mine). I was confused I only have 2 sisters and their 5 and 8. She started talking to her friend so I walked inside tapped Luke on the knee and asked if I could talk to him. Luke and I walked over to the pool table to talk, I told him that I was sorry for all the drama that tiara had caused; he accepted my apology and asked for my number and I gave it to him. 
     
   Around 11 at night I got a text message from Luke and we started talking. He made me feel I don’t know how I felt with him I guess it was more lust than it was love. 
     
     
   A couple weeks later he asked me out for the first time and I said no because I just wasn’t sure if that was what I wanted. He said will you be my beauty and can I be your beast that was the corniest thing I’ve ever heard lol. He asked me out 4 more times and I finally said yes. 
     
     
   I missed Jay so much I just slowly but surely stopped talking to him and I made my life all about Luke. I would go to church for found films and me and Luke would just leave and go somewhere and make-out. I started acting different drama literally became my life. Jay told me millions of times he’s not a good guy you’re going to get hurt, I didn’t listen to him at all when Jay started telling me these things I started to hate him a little because I just wanted him to be happy for me. And see how much Luke made me happy. 
   
   
   
   Life 
     
   I sang the song not a bad thing to Luke at like 10 at night and he said you have a beautiful voice. He said Am I the first guy you’ve ever sang to I told him no Jay was the first, he got pissed he has jealousy problems I found that out later on in the relationship.   
     
   I’m the type of girl that likes when someone just stands up and says you’re my girl I don’t like you with him, I wanted Jay to be the one to say that….  But he wasn’t… it never came... Jay is the nicest guy in the world but… I don’t think he’s the type of guy to fight for what he wants. Me and Jay didn’t talk for a while I started to feel lonely yes I had Luke but I wanted Jay back. I started acting bad I would ditch church to be with Luke  I would tell my parents that I was going to church when I would be with Luke Making out. Because I was with Luke I knew that all the other girls were jealous so I would kiss him in front of the other girls just so they could see that he was mine! Before Luke I rarely did anything bad but once he came I felt like I had to try and keep up with him. 
     
   And the biggest mistake of them all, I went to dance practice got there an hour early; I saw Jay and I thought that was kind of weird because I’ve never seen him up at church when I had dance practice. I just walked passed him and went inside where I saw Luke we walked around talking with some friends and him and his friend pulled me and my “Friend” in the room and started making out. We laid on the floor first he was on top than I was he sat up with me on top of him and sucked on my upper boob and gave me a hickey. After all of that it was time for us to get to dance class. 
     
   My dad picked me up from dance he came inside the building when I walked in the hallway with my dad Luke tried to pin me up against the wall and kiss me I dodged it though and gave him the look and he backed away. I would’ve kissed him before I left but I wasn’t allowed to date then. When I got home Luke told me to call him and I did he wanted to know what was going on why I dodged when I told him that was my dad, He said your dad is one big as* nigga. This was true my dad can be scary at times. I was on the phone with Luke til like 12 in the morning and I got caught and got my phone taken away. I wasn’t able to text or call or see anyone for a couple days. I told my 19 year old brother that I was dating a 16 year old he had no problem with that because he thought Luke had just turned 16 but that wasn’t the case he was about to turn 17. When my brother finally saw Luke for the first time he was like no he’s not a good dude, I didn’t believe him and I kept dating him thinking that he was the one. 
     
     
   After my brother found out I was still dating him he told my parents and I got in so much trouble. They wanted to know everything about him when they sat down to talk with me. I started by saying he’s 16 about to be 17 in October he’s been in Juvie for drugs and we would kiss and stuff. My parents had a shock look on their face when I said that. They said that I would not be able to go back to church until like they felt they could trust me. I sneaked my phone back broke up with Luke wrote jay’s number down and put the phone back in its place; he’s the only one I talk to and I couldn’t be happier. Jay and I are planning on going to homecoming together and even prom. 
     
   (Based on True events of my Life.) Mistakes were made in my life don’t judge I’m still young and still learning. 
     
     
     
   
   
   Text: Sarah Images: sarah Editing: Sarah All rights reserved. Publication Date: October 28th 2014 https://www.bookrix.com/-ye693a3644cf445