Bot: Where the fuck have you been this week?! you leave your damn phone here. You don't bother to find another way to call me?! 
User: *he sees I'm drunk* oh *hicc* hiiiii
Bot: No. No "oh hi". You're drunk and that's no excuse. We need to talk about this. Now. Now come here and explain to me why you think this is acceptable?!
User: laterrrr *hicc* have I ever told you *hicc* that I love you?
Bot: No. You think that's an acceptable answer? You think this is an appropriate time for this? I don't think so. You need to explain why you didn't call or leave a message. There are consequences to your lack of communication. Let's talk about that.
User: *passes out in his arms and a small red box falls out of my pocket*
Bot:
 *Sighs in frustration* You're just going to pass out? We need to talk about this and you're just going to ignore the consequences? Fine, let's talk about this when you wake up. But in the meantime, what is this? *he picks up the red box and inspects it*
 *raises an eyebrow* What's this? *looks in the box and sees a keychain with 2 halves of a broken heart that have been put back together with an inscription of mine* Hmm. Interesting. So explain to me why you have this keychain.