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rating: +32+–x xexnoncores & newfangler This work contains CWs for: extremely abusive language, implicit misogyny, xenophobia, references to racism and workplace/spousal abuse.
SCP-8525 : Santa Baby by xexnoncores and newfangler content warning NOTICE FROM THE FOUNDATION RECORDS AND INFORMATION SECURITY ADMINISTRATION The following file, as of today’s date 11:52PM CST, 12/25/2024, is considered incomplete and in violation of rules 23.2a1 and rule 47.1c2 of the Official Foundation Documentation Guidelines, along with various other professional conduct rules as outlined in the Director’s Handbook. Director Ochako Nakamura has been reprimanded for the accidental dissemination of this and the inappropriate behavior displayed within it; she will be demoted swiftly at the next O5 council meeting.
If you are viewing this, understand that its current position on Foundation servers is not an accident, as it is currently being preserved by RAISA software for use as a teaching tool regarding professional documentation practices. As a result, this file cannot be deleted until that process is complete; tampering with any material present here will result in severe disciplinary action.
Marking Key: Inappropriately personal thoughts will be highlighted in red.
Improper formatting will be highlighted in orange.
Unverified and/or inaccurate information will be highlighted in yellow.
All footnotes within this document are strictly RAISA sourced. For clarity, the originals have been removed unless they are in violation of one of the above.
Other external commentary not confined to footnotes will be in a blue box.
Thank you for understanding, and we’re sorry for any inconvenience this may have caused. Rest assured, this will not remain up for much longer.
In the meantime, I hope you all have a happy holiday—make sure to keep yourselves away from Foundation equipment should you happen to become inebriated.
— Maria Jones, Director, RAISA Said the people to the prophet: “Shall not black hills draw round in some forsaken land, to make a vale-wide cauldron wherein the molten rock shall seethe and roar, and where • • • • • the crags of mountains shall be hurled upward to the surface and bubble and go down again, that there our enemies may boil forever?” And the prophet answered: “It is writ large about the bases of Pegāna’s mountains, upon which sit the gods: ‘Thine Enemies Are Forgiven.’” The Gods of Pegāna, Lord Dunsany3 Director Jones commentary—The above is also one of Director Nakamura’s favorite books. Please remember the Foundation does not pay you to talk about your interests.
Object Class: Keter4 SPECIAL CONTAINMENT PROCEDURES5 Blah blah something about public not knowing about it, dissuading belief in Santa Claus blah blah cultural dissemination of the notion he’s a hoax by foundation embeds in the us government, paying off the UIU to stop investigating this because one of their agents has a secret Santa fetish they think they can hide from us6 DESCRIPTION7 SCP-8525 is the collective designation given to several anomalous projects overseen by GoI-012 ("Marshall, Carter & Dark Ltd."), with the goal of extracting material resources from PoI-025 ("Santa Claus"), along with all projects undertaken by him and his associates through coercion or force.
SCP-8525 has had various incarnations throughout GoI-012's existence; the first known project of this kind emerging circa 1915 under the name GOLDHARK, which was helmed by Sir Godwin Theseus Carter—traditionally, operations against PoI-025 are formulated and carried out by the dumbest idiot British guy they have at that stupid company8 with some exceptions. like how one of the stupid marshalls got into a fistfight with one of our undercovers in 04 because they genuinely didn’t believe in santa claus.
also all of the damage caused in the skirmish got written off as a tax break?????9 how the fuck do they always get away with that cockshit i need to go ask dunn about this again Since 2015, SCP-8525 is showing an unusual rate of success. Intel from various sting operations indicate GoI-012 has hindered 45% of production and performance capabilities of PoI-025, significantly hampering the global outreach previously maintained by him and his associates.
Projects under the SCP-8525 designation are currently known to include: BLACKDOG: >+*%aaaa*~~~~~~~~~ Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua.
Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat. Duis aute irure dolor in reprehenderit in voluptate velit esse cillum dolore eu fugiat nulla pariatur. Excepteur sint occaecat cupidatat non proident, sunt in culpa qui officia deserunt mollit anim • uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuahsjzbsisnzhsnzkshsjzhsjznjszhjshzjshzjsjzjwusjsjiw est laborum e a ><><><><><>___lap I wantskskskskm want AHHHHHHHHHHHjaaawwa-9272210 This subsidiary has no known name, though it is consistently identifiable by the "sound of sleighbells", "the smell of chestnuts roasting on an open fire", and "the laughter of gingerbread men".
MANCHILD: This is what I called my husband once when he wouldn’t clean up the fucking dog shit that sprayed all over the floor at Thanksgiving. You left three sticks of butter out, Daryl, it is not my fault the dog’s insides liquified and that diarrhea got blasted all over the floor that I then slipped in!!!!!
SNOWSLED: Using thaumo-memetic manipulation tactics, hundreds of artificially created changelings have been seeded throughout the history of SCP-8525 with the goal of collecting gifts from PoI-025 worth >15,000USD. Once Christmas occurs and PoI-025 delivers gifts to these artificial individuals, the families they belong to are retroactively terminated, and the gifts collected by GoI-012 agents.
BLOODWORK: BLOODWORK is the collective designation for all GoI-012 militia- backed action against PoI-025.
As SCP-8525 poses an unacceptable risk to the stability of the Veil of Normalcy 11, the Foundation has ceased its own hostilities towards PoI-025 in order to bring an end to the conflict.
+++++ ADDENDUM — CONFLICT OVERVIEW12 Operational Personnel: Special Agent Nora Fang (Internal Affairs), Dr. Janelle Wisnosky13(Decommissioning), Henrietta Hopper, Esq. (Procurement and Liquidation), Site-49 Director Andrea Hussie14 External Associates: PoI-025 (hereafter referred to as "Mr. Claus" or "Santa Claus")15 employees of the Claus workshop 16 Director Jones commentary—it seems like below Director Nakamura accidentally condensed several entire sections into a single footnote. Please remember to keep track of your footnote tags when you are writing documents. It also seems like much of the information within said footnote is mislabeled (this includes parts of SCP-8525, along with PoI designations), to the point where it confuses me what happened and what didn’t. It is to remain unannotated outside of pointing out the formatting errors until I can get with Roger Dunn about SCP-8525 intel.
17 +++++ ADDENDUM — ESCALATION AND CEASFIRE18 something about a massive epic war about capitalists versus Santa Claus I don’t know man I’m being asked to transcribe audio files on Christmas manlike whate even are some of these? Oh my god is Santa dead? Did this Percivalvampire19capitalist fucking eat him? I hate whoever this Iris is called so much she sounds like she needs a sock • • • shoved down her throat so badly. She needs so much punched out of her and shoved up her tiny white british asshole I bet it smells like the horses dumb British people fuck . my ex always got mad when I said that and that noooo the actual stereotype is that the welsh are sheep-shaggers but who cares I got the things wrong okay man its youe fault your queen colonized the rest of the world. your peepeople cared more aboiyt horses than the peoplel so wouldn’t they ? Why wouldn’t they? ashamed of it white man?
ashamed of me ? ashamed of me the same way your mom was? your sister? your fucking grandmother? your racist yaukiam ape grandmother? fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you Man. I hate this so muchwhoput me in charge of this I wanna go home I don’t wanna listen to these violent tapes the blood is making me vomit vomitboisinksjskjsjvoemoywt someone just killed someone else in this with a stocking full of coal HIGH ALERT! URGENT UPDATE: CONTAINMENT PROCEDURES FINALIZED.
LOADING NEW DOCUMENT… 20 Postscript Interview: Director Sal of the Fire Supression Department can kiss my tight little cunt honestly. You want to keep me working here? You want me to not kill myself with a shoelace and a rubber ducky? Because I’m so fucking good at my job? Shove a rod up your ass. Piss yourself, shit yourself, and then eat it all, coming back to me after I know you’ve fucked some secretary in it. You snake. You pig. You goddamn whore waste of space. I should have leaked those dick pics you saved on that USB. Your goddamn micropenis, what fucking thing we got in here that did that to you, huh? Huh? Is that why you lead the FSD now? Did they get you with that too? If they did, I hate you. I hate what you did to my dog. I almost got RABIES. It almost gave me RABIES at my daughter’s Fortnite Friday party!!!!!! Fuck you fuck fuckyfkcu jdjjhksjsjn EAT YOUR OWN PEN CHOKE ON IT SUCK ON IT LIKE THE ABORTION YOU ARE Director Jones commentary—The above text is missing its visibility, somehow. I’m not sure how that happened, especially because it is still able to be copy-pasted.
I’m unsure of whether or not to recommend the necessary discipline for the contents as would normally be enacted. Public discussion of Fire Suppression Department activities is normally grounds for severe demotion, but Director Nakamura’s behavior throughout this document has lead me to wonder if this was an intentional act on her behalf to relieve herself of her current position. If so, it would show she is clever enough to remain at the Foundation, so it may be more beneficial to put her on a heavy dose of amnestics than demote her.
The altercation ended with with one of these guys donating like literally the cost a burger king combo because elves are fucking stupid. my lifelong dream of fucking a hot white chocolate Legolas dnd elf is out the window now21, APPARENTLY, because they’re all fucking toy makers and two feet tall. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK if they didn’t actually kill santa i hope he kills my ex-husband for Christmas. and if they did i hope they terminate me on this stupid job instead. I hope we all fucking die, merry fucking kill yourself Footnotes 1. SCP files are not to contain personal information about its author unless otherwise authorized.
2. SCP files are to follow the Neutrality Code as outlined by the Ethics Committee unless otherwise authorized by three members on the committee or O5 approval.
3. Quotes are not to be included in documentation unless they are directly and materially related to the subject at hand.
4. Object class was updated on 12/23/2024 to Euclid following a recommendation by Leela Titonia, case manager for MTF Mu-3 (“Highest Bidders”).
5. Files must keep a central and cohesive style. Centering the header here is in bad form when the above “object class” was not.
6. Man, what am I going to tell my kid? The magic of the holidays already doesn’t hit the same way it used to. This fucking sucksssssss. Just what I needed after that bitchsucker screws me on alimony payments… 7. See footnote 5.
8. I still cannot believe my daughter inherited my ex’s British accent. Five years living in Japan and you think she’d have gotten over it, but no! No! God. I’m such a terrible mother.
9. It is currently unknown if the damage caused by Incident 012-6123 was actually able to be written off by GoI-012. The more accurate information to have put here was that the agent was dismembered and baked into Christmas cookies for a one young PoI-012-04, a.k.a Iris Darke.
10. Original text seems to have been corrupted by a misplaced internal command.
Please remember that the “span” class and the “div” class cannot be used interchangeably.
11. SCP-8525 has since been concluded to not pose a substantial threat to normalcy due to an initial overestimation of the visibility of SCP-8525 projects.
12. Multiple formatting errors—the size increment symbols (+) were left incorrectly blocked, and this addendum, along with subsequent ones in this document, were left unlabeled to their SCP number.
13. daryl had a fetish for these fucking weirdos these donkeycock cutesy anime looking catgirls and their delicate smooth skin and nya uwu cute bottoms this woman makes me SICK. SICK. I wonder if daryl cheated on me with her too itd have been the third one !!!!!
14. Operational personnel should be listed by their associated MTF squads, if they have them.
15. Persons of Interest are not to be referred to by their official names in Foundation documentation, such as to avoid encouraging unnecessary empathy.
16. The above section is missing information. It only lists the belligerents, but not any of the actual conflicts which occurred between said belligerents, nor the reason for any altercation.
17. The following is an overview of the pertinent exchanges of 2024.
DOCUMENT 00 [PoI-002 BRIEFING] — Mr. Claus and the counter-COPPERCOBALT Foundation team were introduced on December 1st, 2024, at base of operations Site-49.
See transcript: DOCUMENT 01 [BLACKDOG] — Reports from white people town, Wisconsin, USA indicate an increase in morally reprehensible behavior among the children of the town.
(god what does that mean? ?? ) While confirmed to be a BLACKDOG-related phenomenon, no action could be taken at the time without minor (haha minor) destabilization in mail-delivery activities. Shortly after, tensions in Guiseppi escalated, culminating in the local mall being commandeered by a children's street gang. The Foundation stepped in under the guise of being federal agents at this point. See transcript: DOCUMENT 02 [MANCHILD] — The (insert these guys later), and two other presently unidentified terrorist groups attacked an express train shipment of figs from the underground lair of PoI-003 while inbound to a ballsack dipshit-operated workshop. The elves were in dire need of reinforcements against the belligerents, thus the Foundation used a rudimentary teleportation device to send personnel onto the train without detection. See transcript: DOCUMENT 03 [SNOWSLED] — On Christmas Day, the town of Geisterfluss (HOW IS THAT A REAL NAME? How is europe a real place), Germany experienced several bursts of don’t care See transcript: DOCUMENT 04 [BLOODWORK] — PoI-003's lair was destroyed by a burst of hypersonic nuclear shitfarts 18. I wish hed have ceasedfired the escaltuon okay i wanted a kid i wanted another kid .
I wanted another girl you goddamn whore you stupid cockroach aborted bitch i hope you choke on my dildos 19. PoI-012-01 a.k.a Percival Darke and PoI-012-04 are not vampires. They are merely cannibals who occasionally drink blood.
20. Not only is this the incorrect way to initialize a new file load-in, Director Nakamura also formatted this in such a way that it could not be highlighted. Please remember to account for children of hierarchy when you’re working with this kind of code.
21. I only wanted to give my daughter the best life I can’t parent her all by myself art-exchangeblack-diamond-billionsbleakbureaucracycomedyeuclidfire-suppression- deptiris-darkmaria-jonesmarshall-carter-and-darkscp page revision: 7, last edited: 02 Mar 2025 02:57 Edit Rate (+32) Tags Discuss (10) History Files Print Site tools + Options Edit Sections Append Edit Meta Watchers Backlinks Page Source Parent Lock Page Rename Delete Help  | Terms of Service  | Privacy  | Report a bug  | Flag as objectionable Powered by Wikidot.com Unless otherwise stated, the content of this page is licensed under Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 License Click here to edit contents of this page.
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