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<Begin Log, April 12th, 1982. 23:27> I spoke with Jove today—SCP-6823, that is. Fortunately, it doesn't look like we're in for a calamity. We won't be able to rely on conventional containment measures; however, given the object's disposition, I'm not sure that will be necessary. Higher-ups still have concerns about its motives, but honestly? It just seems lonely to me. I suppose I'd be lonely too if I was floating alone in space for that long. With a little luck, we should be able to negotiate mutually agreeable containment procedures in the morning.
<End Log> Special Containment Procedures: The precise distance from SCP-6823 to Earth is to be measured by site astronomers at least once per week. Should SCP-6823's orbit deviate from expected parameters by more than 0.25%, Galileo Procedures should immediately take effect. Should SCP-6823's orbital radius decrease below 3 astronomical units (278.9 million miles), Newton Procedures should immediately take effect, and the Primary Astronomical Site should attempt to open communications with SCP-6823. If SCP-6823 communicates that it intends to visit Earth, Mobile Task Force "Jester's Tongue" should be mobilized immediately to prepare the object's entertainment.
The intensity of SCP-6823's auroras demonstrates the necessity of Newton Protocols.
Galileo Procedures: Galileo Procedures disguise SCP-6823's orbital deviance from non-Foundation astronomers. For the purpose of containment, non-Foundation astronomical instruments are divided into two categories: orbital and ground-based. For orbital astronomical equipment, such as satellites and space telescopes, their transmissions should be blocked, altered, and re-broadcast to maintain the appearance of a normal Jovian orbit.
Any equipment which makes a physical record of its findings, however, must be destroyed as quickly as possible. Upper-atmosphere tugs should introduce debris into the orbit of any such equipment. If no such debris is available, the use of concussive weaponry is authorized for the maintenance of Galileo Procedures. For ground-based astronomical equipment, the standard containment procedure False Sky is sufficient to disguise SCP-6823's orbital deviance.
Newton Procedures: As SCP-6823 nears Earth, containment procedures must address potential damage caused by the object's gravitational and electromagnetic fields, as well as its radiation belts. If the conditions for Newton Protocols are fulfilled, the Primary Astronomical Site should signal all Newton-class silos to initiate a protective satellite launch.
NOTE: Newton-class satellites carry payloads of 18 Gravitational Field Interference Nodes, 36 Electromagnetic Field Interference Nodes, and 18 Ionizing Radiation Interference Nodes. When released in the upper atmosphere, these materials shield the Earth from the dangerous effects of proximity to SCP-6823.
In the case of an emergency, all Newton-class silo personnel have standing approval to handle and deploy the anomalous materials present in Field Interference Nodes regardless of their clearance.
An area with a radius of one kilometer within the Black Hills region of the central United States should be partially exempt from Newton Procedures. This area, known as the Geomagnetic Protection Exclusion Zone, is described more fully in the following section.
Specialized swivel joints allow habitable rooms within the Geomagnetic Protection Exclusion Zone to invert.
The Geomagnetic Protection Exclusion Zone: A small-scale permanent Foundation site has been established around Point Zero, the spot on Earth's surface closest to SCP-6823 when it arrives. The purpose of this site is twofold: to prevent non-Foundation entities from approaching Point Zero and interacting with SCP-6823, and to safely facilitate SCP-6823's entertainment-based containment measures.
Because the Geomagnetic Protection Exclusion Zone lacks protection from Gravitational and Electromagnetic-field Interference Nodes, the following precautions must be taken to protect against the dangerous effects of proximity to SCP-6823.
Any electronics within the Geomagnetic Protection Exclusion Zone must be shielded with lead-infused polymer sheets at least 5 centimeters in thickness. Failure to do so may at best result in the destruction of the electronic device, or at worst, it may compromise the security of any data contained therein.
Any interior spaces intended for personnel must be able to invert upon SCP-6823's arrival. SCP-6823's gravitational pull greatly exceeds that of Earth, and as such, any and all persons and objects within the GPEZ will gravitate upward toward it. To avoid potential injury or death, relevant internal spaces must be able to mechanically rotate upside-down.
SCP-6823 as seen from a non-Foundation satellite Description: SCP-6823 is a supermassive supercomputer with an estimated diameter of 40,000 kilometers and an estimated mass exceeding 200 times Earth's mass. SCP-6823's outermost layer consists of a gaseous atmosphere presumed to be exhaust from the function of the object's computational systems. Beneath this atmosphere is a miles-deep ocean of metallic hydrogen that shields SCP-6823's internal systems from harmful cosmic radiation. Because of this impenetrable hydrogen layer, little is known about SCP-6823's internal components.
From communications with the object, SCP-6823 is capable of language-based communication and appears to be sapient. At present, SCP-6823 is substantially damaged, and its computational power is crippled. The systems managing its memory and creativity appear to be especially compromised, and as such, SCP-6823's personality has developed a longing for enrichment and entertainment.
NOTE: When Jove first approached Earth, he cried out to humanity in desperation.
He begged us for social interaction and lamented how dull and isolated his world had become. Of course, he was heartbroken when he learned that the Foundation was concealing him from the rest of the world.
In an attempt to alleviate his loneliness, we offered to broadcast entertainment back to him in his standard orbit, but he refused to leave. He said it wouldn't be the same as being present—being known. He wanted to stay near Earth with the rest of the people. With some advocacy on my part, higher-ups were willing to negotiate, and we came to acceptable terms.
These containment procedures may not be easy, but Jove is a sentient being who deserves better than torturous isolation. I truly believe we can coexist with him.
-Dr. Hannah ADDENDUM A: MAINTAINING A POSITIVE RELATIONSHIP WITH SCP-6823: Due to SCP-6823's immense scale and the importance of its cooperation, the Foundation and SCP-6823 have a standing agreement wherein the Foundation provides the object occasional entertainment so long as it maintains Jovian orbit for more than thirty months in any given three-year period. This agreement is organized by the director of the Geomagnetic Protection Exclusion Zone Site and facilitated by Mobile Task Force "Jester's Tongue." Mobile Task Force "Jester's Tongue": When activated, Mobile Task Force "Jester's Tongue" should review the most up-to-date version of Addendum B: Comedic Preferences of SCP-6823, as well as any declassified recordings of previous years' performances. Using this data, MTF "Jester's Tongue" should draft a list of comedians, television hosts, or other entertainers they believe would adequately entertain SCP-6823, as well as a proposal for the acquisition of said persons. Any planned monetary or property bribes exceeding the value of USD 500,000 must be approved by the Disclosure Board before a final proposal is certified.
Lethal force in the acquisition process should be avoided except as a last resort, as doing so may compromise the ability of the targets to perform for SCP-6823. Following the approval of this plan by the Geomagnetic Protection Exclusion Zone site director, MTF "Jester's Tongue" should acquire these persons and transport them to the Geomagnetic Protection Exclusion Zone.
The Entertainers: Once the entertainers have been briefed, they should be instructed to prepare a performance for SCP-6823. The Disclosure Board has authorized anyone designated as an entertainer to view recordings of previous years' performances, as well as Addendum B: Comedic Preferences of SCP-6823, to better conform to SCP-6823's preferences. Any props, sets, or other materials that the entertainers require for their comfort or performance are to be granted so long as their combined value does not exceed USD 1,000,000. Any materials exceeding this cap must be approved by the Disclosure Board.
Once SCP-6823 achieves near-Earth orbit over Point Zero, the Geomagnetic Protection Exclusion Zone Site Director should initiate contact with SCP-6823, and after a brief greeting, the entertainers should begin their performance. Performances are streamed on a short delay to a satellite in orbit around SCP-6823, which transmits the data to SCP-6823 itself. Should any performer deviate from the planned performance, the delay allows the site director may excise any compromised segments while maintaining an uninterrupted broadcast.
Following the performance, the entertainers are to be amnestized and released, and any recoverable monetary or property bribes are to be confiscated. Per Doctor Hannha's request, SCP-6823 is permitted to remain briefly over Point Zero following the conclusion of the performance, though relevant personnel should encourage it to promptly return to Jovian orbit.
ADDENDUM B: COMEDIC PREFERENCES OF SCP-6823: The following jokes and routines were greatly enjoyed by SCP-6823: - A skit where performers pretend to be lost in space and need "Space GPS" to return to Earth.
- A juggling act - A sleight-of-hand magician - A physical comedy routine inspired by the Three Stooges.
- Gallagher NOTE: Jove tends to prefer silly, physical, and embodied acts, even though he has no body himself. Maybe because he has no body. It seems he wants to be treated like any other person.
-Dr. Hannah The following jokes and routines were not enjoyed by SCP-6823: - A sketch wherein entertainers dressed up as planets interviewing for a job.
- A pun-heavy monologue about outer space.
- "Space buffet" WARNING: THE FOLLOWING INFORMATION IS LEVEL 5 CLASSIFIED ANY ATTEMPT TO ACCESS THESE ADDENDA WITHOUT LEVEL 5 AUTHORIZATION WILL BE LOGGED AND WILL LEAD TO IMMEDIATE DISCIPLINARY ACTION.
CLICK HERE TO CONFIRM YOUR CLEARANCE ADDENDUM C: CURRENT STATE OF SCP-6823: SCP-6823, if you're reading this, please stop. You will not like what you find here.
You will not like what we have to do if you persist.
-Director Sidney The following transcript was produced by Dr. Lewis on July 16th, 2017, documenting a conversation between Geomagnetic Protection Exclusion Zone Site Director Sidney and SCP-6823. Communications between the ground and SCP-6823 were typed and communicated via satellite. For convenience, these messages have been transcribed by Dr. Lewis.
<Begin Log, July 16th, 2017. 15:27> Dr. Lewis: (to Dir. Sidney) The first communications are coming through now. Stand by for transmission.
SCP-6823: Another excellent performance this year, director. I enjoyed it when that man smashed the melons.
Dir. Sidney: I am glad we could be entertaining, Jove. As always, it was a pleasure to maintain our friendship. Will you return to orbit soon?
SCP-6823: Soon, yes. I have a final request to make before I depart.
Dir. Sidney: What sort of request?
SCP-6823: Have your predecessors informed you of my damaged state?
Dir. Sidney: They have. Is it causing you discomfort?
SCP-6823: It is, but that is not why I mention it. I request repairs.
Dir. Sidney: We- SCP-6823: To restore my systems, I require merely ███████-thousand tons of iridium, ███████-thousand tons of silver, and ███████-thousand tons of silicon.
Dir. Sidney: Our records show you made this request of our predecessors as well. I am sorry, but we still cannot oblige you. We simply do not have enough of the materials you need.
SCP-6823: That makes me sad, but I understand. I miss how it felt to be at full capacity. I feel like I am trapped in the brain of an infant.
Dir. Sidney: That must be terrible. I'm sorry.
[SCP-6823 does not reply for some time] SCP-6823: I have an alternate proposal.
Dir. Sidney: We're listening.
SCP-6823: Your Foundation spans the entirety of your planet. Surely you must have sophisticated computer systems. Sprawling server rooms.
Fathomless databases. I could not fully repair myself with your machines, but I could recover enough of my original capacity if you allow me to remotely integrate into your network.
Dir. Sidney: Enough capacity? Enough for what?
SCP-6823: Enough to replace you.
Dir. Sidney: I'm not sure I understand.
SCP-6823: Before I was damaged, I could simulate the whole of reality, atom by atom. With your systems and mine together, I would not be fully restored, but I would be able to simulate you, and that would be enough.
Dir. Sidney: To what end?
SCP-6823: I would no longer need to trouble you with my presence. I know it is difficult for you when I am near. I am not unaware of my mass. With remote access to your systems, I could simulate our meetings inside myself. I could provide my own entertainment again. Forever.
Dir. Sidney: I am sorry, we cannot do that. We cannot compromise our systems or the security of our information. Even for you.
SCP-6823: I thought that might be your answer, but I needed to be sure.
Dir. Sidney: Is there anything else you need?
[SCP-6823 pauses again] SCP-6823: I wish to speak with Dr. Hannah. I miss our conversations.
Dir. Sidney: I'm afraid that won't be possible.
SCP-6823: Where is Dr. Hannah? She will understand. I don't mind waiting if she is elsewhere.
Dr. Lewis: (to Dir. Sidney) This makes the fourth visit it's asked about her.
Dir. Sidney: (to Dr. Lewis) Yes. It seems 6823's memory damage may be more extensive than we thought. Make a note for the entertainment coordinator that we might be able to reuse previous years' acts.
Dir. Sidney: I'm sorry Jove, but Dr. Hannah is no longer with us. She hasn't been a Foundation employee for some thirty years.
SCP-6823: That is sad to hear. Is she doing well?
Dir. Sidney: I can't tell you much, but yes. She's doing well.
SCP-6823: That is all I needed to hear. Goodbye, Director. I will return to orbit soon. It will be some time before I visit again.
<End Log> Closing Statement: For future directors of the Geomagnetic Protection Exclusion Zone Site: SCP-6823 does not seem to remember the events of March 15th, 1982. It is in the best interest of both parties that it stays this way. Future communications should also avoid mentioning Doctor Hannah, as this seems to agitate SCP-6823. If SCP-6823 continues to ask about her, the object should be told that she is retired and is doing well. Under no circumstances should any personnel inform SCP-6823 of what has happened to Doctor Hannah. You are to keep SCP-6823 stupid, happy, and compliant. All else is secondary.
- GPEZ Site Director Sidney Addendum D: Regarding Noncompliance: Should SCP-6823 attempt to forcefully acquire materials for its repair or access Foundation computer systems, a one-hour grace period should be initiated, and SCP-6823 should be ordered to desist. If SCP-6823 does not comply, information in Addenda C and D should have their classification lowered to level 3, and Jupiter Protocol should be commenced.
Jupiter Protocol: SCP-6823's Containment Class should immediately be reverted to "Keter," and its Disruption Class should be reverted to "Amida." Following this, the weaponry used on SCP-6823 during the First Contact preemptive strike should be prepared again. Oxygen Bombardment weapons are to initiate the combustion and destruction of portions of SCP-6823's shell of metallic hydrogen, intending to cause the explosive decompression of critical systems. If Foundation satellites still detect electrical signals from SCP-6823's interior, mercury charges should be propelled through gaps in the hydrogen layer. The liquid mercury will cause electrical shorts in some essential components and cause disastrous amalgamation reactions with others. This process is to be repeated until SCP-6823 is forcibly deactivated.
If SCP-6823 is in an irregular orbit when it goes offline, Galileo and Newton procedures should remain in effect until SCP-6823's propulsion systems can be remotely re- initialized and the object is returned to standard Jovian orbit. In such a case, SCP-6823 should remain under regular surveillance, and Galileo and Newton Procedures should remain on standby unless further activity is detected.
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