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Foundation webcrawlers are to monitor social media for reports of public exposure to SCP-7817’s anomalous properties. If any reports are found, they are to be removed and Class A amnestics are to be administered to individuals who have interacted SCP-7817.
Additionally, contained instances of SCP-7817 are to be counted immediately to determine whether a breach has occurred. If a breach is confirmed, recovery of the SCP-7817 instance is not considered a priority. If all contained instances of SCP-7817 are accounted for, agents are to investigate the wilderness surrounding the incident for uncontained instances.
Research into additional containment measures is ongoing.
SCP-7817-38 Description: SCP-7817 is an anomalous species of mammal, with instances resembling various members of the family mustelidae.1 Instances of SCP-7817 generally behave like their non-anomalous counterparts, engaging in very similar hunting, play, and reproductive habits. Instances are highly social, preferring to live in a single large community and expressing distress when forcefully separated. Additionally, instances rarely display territorial aggression, even when introduced to non-anomalous ferrets.
Once per day on average, all instances of SCP-7817 will gather in an open area. Elders and kits will sit at either side of the designated area, watching as the remaining members gather in several rows sorted by height. Once arranged, SCP-7817 instances will engage in an elaborate series of leaping and flailing motions for several minutes, resembling a behavior known as the “weasel war dance.” Kits will occasionally imitate these motions from the side, but will never join the rows mid-event. Once these events have ended, SCP-7817 instances will return to their normal behavior.
SCP-7817’s anomalous trait is an ability to pass through solid matter.2 Notably, the instance will not necessarily pass directly to the other side of a barrier it enters. Instead, it may exit through a piece of solid matter completely disconnected from the one it entered. It is currently unknown how far it can travel in this manner.
On occasion, individual instances of SCP-7817 will breach containment, typically entering human homes and businesses to steal small objects and return with them to their containment chamber. So far, all breaching instances have returned to containment.
Addendum 7817-1: Site Director Emily Meekins scheduled a meeting for 4/7/2022 with project head Margaret Erhardt to discuss SCP-7817’s containment. However, Agent Calvin Webb requested to conduct the meeting instead as part of an ongoing investigation into another anomaly.
Interviewed: Dr. Margaret Erhardt Interviewer: Agent Calvin Webb <Excerpt opens with Dr. Erhardt entering the office of Director Meekins and finding Agent Webb sitting at her desk.> Dr. Erhardt: Oh. Hello.
Agent Webb: Hello, Dr. Erhardt. I’m Agent Calvin Webb. Sorry for the surprise, but I’ll be filling in for the director today.
<Dr. Erhardt takes a seat.> Dr. Erhardt: I… see. Are you familiar with the SCP-7817 situation?
Agent Webb: I read the file.
Dr. Erhardt: Oh, the file isn’t up-to-date. RAISA has a backlog right now. I think the whole department is dealing with some sort of categorization crisis. Whatever it is, it’s beyond my clearance. Didn’t Director Meekins send you my latest observations?
Agent Webb: It never made it to my desk. What’s the latest, then? Have you stopped 7817’s breaches?
Dr. Erhardt: Not entirely, but we’ve had great success in mitigating them. Ever since I began introducing the types of things they like to steal to their containment chamber breaches have decreased by 90%.
Agent Webb: I don’t see why you shouldn’t be able to stop them entirely. A single reality anchor should do the trick.
Dr. Erhardt: We did some testing with an SRA and it made no noticeable difference.
They’re slippery little critters. In fact, it turns out 7817’s Hume levels remain stable even when they display their anomalous trait. Their Elan-Vital Energy is normal, too. Though they do display slightly elevated Akiva radiation.
Agent Webb: Is that the cause of their anomalous trait?
Dr. Erhardt: We’d need further testing to be sure—we only had the testing equipment for the day—but I doubt it. When I say slightly, I mean no higher than a religious human.
All of this was in the reports I sent to the director, by the way. And in the updated file in RAISA’s backlog. I think it’s evidence that 7817 are more intelligent than non-anomalous mustelids. Perhaps they have religious beliefs.
Agent Webb: You think they’re intelligent?
Dr. Erhardt: It’s hard to say, but maybe. Their vocalizations are more varied than ordinary ferret dooks. And the way they position the things they steal isn’t like ordinary stashing. They arrange them carefully, and in the open. Not to jump to conclusions, of course, but it makes me think of someone displaying art.
Agent Webb: Art. Huh. Do you like art, Dr. Erhardt?
Dr. Erhardt: Pardon?
Agent Webb: Do you like art? Do you go to museums?
Dr. Erhardt: On occasion, I suppose. Anyway, I was actually planning to talk to the director about some further changes to 7817’s containment. I think a larger enclosure with an outdoor section would be beneficial, but I realize there are some budgetary considerations. And we aren’t exactly a high priority.
Agent Webb: Do you find the Foundation’s bureaucracy frustrating?
Dr. Erhardt: I suppose, but it’s understandable. Some departments are dealing with world-ending stuff. These are just a bunch of mischievous weasels. I just wish I could do more for them.
Agent Webb: Like what?
Dr. Erhardt: A larger enclosure, more freedom. Tiramisu—I mean, SCP-7817-57 has adrenal disease and the paperwork to get her treatment is taking forever. Do you know how many forms I have to fill out just to bring in some new enrichment or change their food? They aren’t getting the care they need and, to be honest, I don’t really see why we need to contain them as if they were dangerous.
Agent Webb: The Foundation’s job is to maintain normalcy.
Dr. Erhardt: But that’s nonsense in the end, isn’t it? I mean, normalcy is just what the Foundation says it is. They decide what needs to be contained and make up the reason for it.
Agent Webb: You don’t believe the Foundation’s work is important?
Dr. Erhardt: Oh, it’s certainly important. It’s the only reason any of us are alive right now.
But there’s no reason the Foundation should make it so difficult to give a carnivore animal protein instead of pea protein.
Agent Webb: Have you been in contact with the Serpent’s Hand? Or the Chaos Insurgency?
Dr. Erhardt: Of course not! I would never… wait, is this an interrogation?
Agent Webb: How would you describe your religious and political views?
Dr. Erhardt: Are you with the Internal Security Department?
Agent Webb: No, I’m with the Department of Multi-Universal Affairs.
Dr. Erhardt: What? What does Multi-Universal Affairs have to do with any of this?
<Agent Webb stands, looking down at Dr. Erhardt> Agent Webb: You said these weasels are intelligent, right? Then they’re most likely smart enough to understand actions and consequences. Whenever one of those things breaches, wait for it to return to containment and then kill it in front of its friends. After five or six deaths, I’m sure they’ll get the message.
Dr. Erhardt: I would never—the Foundation protects anomalies. We aren’t the GOC.
Agent Webb: If the Foundation can’t contain an anomaly, we decommission it. Besides, there are one-hundred forty-six instances of SCP-7817. Killing a few doesn’t break the Foundation’s policy of protection.
Dr. Erhardt: You can’t make me do this.
Agent Webb: Not now, maybe. But once our department’s discovery reaches the O5 Council, I’ll be given full authority over you and SCP-7817.
<End excerpt.> BY ORDER OF THE OVERSEER COUNCIL The following file is Level 4/7817 Classified Unauthorized access is forbidden.
7817 Addendum 7817-2: On 4/8/22 the Department of Multi-Universal Affairs released a report containing observations of an unclassified anomaly to Director Emily Meekins. An excerpt has been included here due to its connection to Dr. Margaret Erhardt and SCP-7817.
Department of Multi-Universal Affairs Discovery Report On 1/12/22, the Department of Multi-Universal Affairs was made aware of an anomalous series of events occurring across several universes. Unlike SCP-5492, this anomaly is not all-encompassing, and will only occur under certain circumstances.
Currently, it appears that if the anomaly is present in a universe, the following facts will be true. If the anomaly is absent, none of these facts will be true.
An iteration of the individual known in this universe as Dr. Margaret Erhardt3 will be born.
Margaret Erhardt will be female.4 Margaret Erhardt will become an employee of the Foundation.5 SCP-7817 will be contained by the Foundation.6 Margaret Erhardt will become part of SCP-7817’s research team.
• • • • • The following event has not yet occurred in every universe in which the anomaly is present, but due to its prevalence, it is currently believed that it is part of the anomaly and will eventually occur in each universe exhibiting the anomaly.
Margaret Erhardt will defect from the Foundation, leading to the loss of custody of SCP-7817.
This defection can take many forms, but always includes Margaret Erhardt assisting another group of interest. Most instances will work with the Serpent’s Hand, the Chaos Insurgency, the Manna Charitable Foundation, or Are We Cool Yet? However, individual instances have been observed working with much less prolific groups such as, SCP-2085, Dream City, or a newly-formed group assembled by an instance.
In addition to the loss of SCP-7817, the defection may result one or more of the following: Rival groups of interest gaining access to Foundation intelligence or technology.
Loss of funding or political influence.
Destruction of Foundation property.
Breaches of other SCPs.
Death or injury of Foundation personnel.
Broken Masquerade Scenarios.
CK-class Reality Restructuring Scenarios.
IK-class Collapse of Global Civilization Scenarios.
XK-class End-of-the-World Scenarios.
Research into the cause of this anomaly is ongoing, but due to the threat it poses, investigation into the communications and loyalty of Dr. Margaret Erhardt is to begin immediately.
Addendum 7817-3: On 4/9/22, Dr. Margaret Erhardt filed a complaint with the Ethics Committee regarding the behavior of Agent Calvin Webb. Ethics Committee representative Dr. Alexandra Doyle scheduled a meeting with Agent Webb for 6/3/22.
<Begin excerpt.> Dr. Doyle: I’ve looked over the paperwork from the Department of Multi-Universal Affairs and I have to say I don’t see any reason to panic.
Agent Webb: You don’t see any reason to panic? She’s destroyed multiple worlds.
Dr. Doyle: No, she hasn’t. Other people who share some traits with her have, but our Margaret Erhardt isn’t part of an apocalyptic cult or an extremist political group. She’s just a biologist. She isn’t capable of causing an XK-class event.
Agent Webb: We can’t be certain of that.
• • • • • • • • • • Dr. Doyle: You’ve been investigating her, haven’t you? Have you found any ties to dangerous groups? Has she accessed anything above her clearance? Has she ever even broken Foundation policy aside from giving nicknames to a few weasels?
Agent Webb: You don’t understand. It doesn’t matter what she’s been like in the past. If my department’s conclusions are correct, she is going to cause harm to the Foundation, however unlikely it may seem.
Dr. Doyle: What exactly does Multi-Universal Affairs think this anomaly is? Do you think she’s pataphysically entangled in this series of events?
Agent Webb: That’s one possibility we’re considering. It could also be the actions of an extradimensional entity with a vendetta against the Foundation, or a rival organization capable of interdimensional contact. There could be any number of causes.
Dr. Doyle: What about SCP-7817? They’re clearly connected in some way, and we already know they’re anomalous.
Agent Webb: It’s not about the weasels. This anomaly centers on Dr. Erhardt, not them.
They’re simply tangentially connected in the same way Dr. Erhardt’s parents are.
Dr. Doyle: But regardless of the cause, the conclusion is that Dr. Erhardt is going to turn against the Foundation, even if we try to prevent it.
Agent Webb: Other universes have tried firing her, killing her, showing her SCP-2140.
Something always prevents it.
Dr. Doyle: Then why threaten 7817? What’s that supposed to achieve?
Agent Webb: In other universes, her actions vary widely. When I started investigating her, I was hoping to find some sign of what form her betrayal would take but, like you said, there’s nothing to be found. So I tried to goad her into desperate action by threatening something she cares about, but she didn’t contact Serpent’s Hand or join a Gamers Against Weed chat group. She just… filed a complaint with HR. I don’t think she even imagines herself turning against the Foundation.
<Agent Webb sighs and leans forward, placing a hand on his forehead.> Agent Webb: I don’t like playing the bad guy, but I don’t know what else to do. When I started this investigation I knew I wasn’t going to be able to prevent her from defecting, but I thought I would get some idea of what she’s going to do and maybe mitigate some of the damage. But it’s been months and I’ve got nothing. Meanwhile, almost every day I see a new report from my department of another Foundation losing lives, or having its history rewritten, or being wiped out of existence altogether because of these events.
<Dr. Doyle pauses for several seconds.> Dr. Doyle: I think you should take a vacation.
<Agent Webb looks up.> Agent Webb: Is that supposed to be a joke?
Dr. Doyle: I’m serious. You’ve been working at this for months. What are the chances that Dr. Erhardt ends the world in the next week? I’ll fill out the paperwork, and get you a paid trip anywhere in the world you want. Trust me, this whole mess will seem a lot less overwhelming when you get back.
Agent Webb: I can’t just— Dr. Doyle: Trust me.
<End excerpt.> Addendum 7817-4: On 6/10/22 Dr. Margaret Erhardt initiated a containment breach of SCP-7817 with the assistance of an unknown group. A timeline of events has been included below.
0620: Dr. Erhardt arrives on site, removing a large cardboard box and backpack from her car.
0623: A truck of unknown origin arrives at the outer gate Site-104, 0628: Dr. Erhardt enters the containment chamber of SCP-7817. Over the next several minutes, she privately speaks with each of her assistants, sending each on a different errand.
0629: The truck stops at the loading dock. A guard approaches the driver. The driver claims to have arrived for a scheduled transportation of SCP-7817. The guard checks the schedule and finds no record of any plans to transport SCP-7817. The discussion continues for several minutes.
0641: Dr. Erhardt removes a number of foldable pet carriers from the box and backpack.
The SCP-7817 instances gather around her and she begins to place them in the carriers, putting approximately five instances in each carrier. Despite their past behavior when confined, none of the instances attempt to leave their carriers.
0645: Researcher Kemp passes the loading dock and is called over by the guard. When questioned, he claims to be unaware of any plans to transport SCP-7817. When asked for a point of contact, the driver names Dr. Erhardt. Researcher Kemp calls Dr. Erhardt who, after some hesitation, claims that the Department of Multi-Universal Affairs ordered the transfer. When asked why he was sent away, Dr. Erhardt explains that Agent Webb ordered that the transfer would be secret and is told to take the rest of the day off.
0651: The guard calls the Department of Multi-Universal Affairs, who confirms that Agent Webb is investigating an anomaly connected to SCP-7817 and that further information is above the guard’s clearance. The truck is allowed to remain while the driver and five passengers exit and make their way to SCP-7817’s containment chamber.
0659: The truck’s occupants arrive at SCP-7817’s containment chamber. Dr. Erhardt has not finished placing all of the SCP-7817 instances into carriers, but she directs the new arrivals to the filled carriers and continues working while the others collect the carriers and make their way back to the truck.
0705: Dr. Erhardt finishes placing the SCP-7817’s into carriers. She crouches by the carriers, speaking to the instances in a soothing voice, though they do not appear to be anxious.
0710: Returning to the truck, the group loads the SCP-7817 instances into the back. The driver remains with the truck while the passengers make their way back to the containment chamber.
0718: The passengers arrive at the containment chamber and, along with Dr. Erhardt, collect the remaining carriers and make their way back towards the truck.
0723: In the hallway, the group encounters Director Meekins. The director asks what they’re doing and Dr. Erhardt again claims that the Department of Multi-Universal Affairs ordered the transportation of SCP-7817. The director expresses confusion, and asks Dr.
Erhardt to come to her office to confirm the order, but another researcher approaches her to report an SCP-4968-C instance injuring several personnel and Director Meekins departs with the researcher to attend to the issue.
0727: The group returns to the truck and loads the remaining SCP-7817 instances. Dr.
Erhardt enters the truck with the rest of the passengers and they depart without incident.
0733: The truck exits the outer gate of Site-104.
Investigations into the nature of the unknown group are ongoing.
Addendum 7817-5: On 6/13/22, Agent Webb initiated an unscheduled meeting with Dr.
Doyle.
<Excerpt begins.> Agent Webb: What did you do?
Dr. Doyle: What do you mean?
Agent Webb: You signed in at Site-104 three days before Dr. Erhardt stole SCP-7817. I checked the security cameras and, while you never spoke to her directly, you did briefly pass her in the hall. As you did so, you slipped a piece of paper into her purse.
<Dr. Doyle holds his hands up appeasingly.> Dr. Doyle: Alright, I’ll come clean. I gave her the contact information of someone who would help her escape with 7817.
Agent Webb: After everything I told you, why would you do that?
Dr. Doyle: Your method of dealing with the anomaly was good. Knowing that the betrayal was inevitable, investigating Dr. Erhardt and anticipating her actions was the best way to mitigate any damage she would cause. I just took things a step further, guiding her into a situation which fulfilled the requirements of the anomaly and prevented any of its more dangerous effects.
Agent Webb: But you realize that by doing that, you’ve basically betrayed the Foundation yourself. Our job is to contain anomalies, SCP-7817 included.
Dr. Doyle: I’m with the Ethics Committee. Our entire job is to oppose the Foundation when they make the wrong choice. This may be a little more underhanded than the way we usually do things, but I’ve risked my career in larger ways. There are some highly influential doctors who don’t like being told “No, you can’t do that.” Agent Webb: I won’t be an accessory to this. I am required to report your actions.
Dr. Doyle: I wouldn’t expect you to do anything else.
<Agent Webb pauses.> Agent Webb: Of course, technically speaking, adding a log to SCP-7817’s file explaining your actions does constitute reporting it.
<Dr. Doyle smiles.> Dr. Doyle: I suppose it does. Though I can’t imagine many people are going to bother reading so deep into the file of some harmless weasels.
Agent Webb: Not when there’s CK-class events to prevent.
<Both laugh.> Agent Webb: But I have to ask. Who was she working with?
Dr. Doyle: I think I’d prefer to keep that off the file, but if you go looking, I imagine you won’t have much trouble finding them.
Footnotes 1. Most instances resemble members of the genus mustela, particularly the stoat (mustela erminea), the black-footed ferret (mustela nigripes), the European mink (mustela lutreola), or the domestic ferret (mustela furo). However, a few instances resemble members of other genera, including the marbled polecat (vormela peregusna), the Sarahan striped polecat (ictonyx libycus), and the sable (martes zibellina).
2. This process can take anywhere from three seconds to five minutes. It generally begins with an instance digging at a barrier before slowly pushing its body through until it has vanished entirely. Even when passing through a thin barrier, the instance will never exit until its entire body has entered the barrier.
3. While this individual is not known as Margaret Erhardt in every universe, she will continue to be referred to as such within this document until a proper SCP designation is assigned.
4. If a universe's Margaret Erhardt is assigned male at birth, she will transition prior to employment with the Foundation.
5. The anomaly is only present in universes in which the Foundation exists.
6. The designation SCP-7817 is not used to refer to this anomaly in every universe. In this document, SCP-7817 refers to the collection of anomalous mustelids which receives that designation in this universe. In universes in which SCP-7817 exists, but is not contained by the Foundation, Margaret Erhardt will not exist and the anomalous events will not occur.
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