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Description: SCP-1699 is a dormant volcano located northwest of Hólsfjallavegur, Iceland. It consists of little more than a volcanic vent, approximately one meter in diameter and one-third of a meter tall at its highest point. SCP-1699 is sapient, and is capable of speech via anomalous means.
SCP-1699 is willing and able to communicate with attending personnel, and upon first contact expressed a desire to be "more destructive" and "better at being a natural disaster." Over the course of its containment, the psychological condition of SCP-1699 has declined — it appears to have developed an inferiority complex, often comparing itself to other, larger volcanoes in Iceland and other places. Despite this, psychiatric assistance of the entity has been deemed yet unnecessary.
Addendum: Interview Logs1 Date: January 28, 2017 Interviewer: Senior Volcanologist Einar Vilhjálmsson Interviewee: SCP-1699 Begin Log Dr. Vilhjálmsson: Hello.
SCP-1699: Oh, what's up? Man, visitors always come when you least expect 'em, am I right?
Dr. Vilhjálmsson: With whom am I speaking?
SCP-1699: (It laughs.) Oh, straight to the point, are we? You can call me, uh… (SCP-1699 is silent for approximately 54 seconds.) SCP-1699: Well, uh, I'm still workin' on a name.
Dr. Vilhjálmsson: Would 'SCP-1699' suffice?
SCP-1699: 'SCP-1699,' huh? Not exactly fearsome or intimidating, but… I guess it works. You can call me that.
Dr. Vilhjálmsson: Good to hear. Now- SCP-1699: S.C.P… SIXTEEN-NINETY-NINE!
(Dr. Vilhjálmsson blinks. The lava within SCP-1699 momentarily bubbles before falling still.) SCP-1699: Uh… still workin' on that whole intimidation bit, too. But hey- you flinched, right? Right?
Dr. Vilhjálmsson: Excuse me?
SCP-1699: Ah, forget it. Now, uh, whoever you were, what did you say you wanted again?
Dr. Vilhjálmsson: SCP-1699, My name is Einar Vilhjálmsson. My team and I will be researching you for the foreseeable future — this includes interviews, like this one, to get more information on why you're here and what you want.
SCP-1699: Aw, dude, an audience? Oh, this is friggin' unbelievable, man, I could — this is all I've ever hoped for! I- I don't know how to thank you, seriously.
Dr. Vilhjálmsson: Don't mention it. Now- SCP-1699: Yes, an audience… AN AUDIENCE TO WITNESS THE DESTRUCTION I WORK!
(SCP-1699 laughs loudly as the lava within it bubbles. Dr. Vilhjálmsson adjusts his glasses and rubs his temples before speaking.) Dr. Vilhjálmsson: You seem to be… quite preoccupied with threats of violence.
SCP-1699: Well, I am a friggin' volcano. What else would I be 'preoccupied' with, ice- fishing? Look — you look at me, what do you think? What comes to mind? Am I warm and fuzzy? Am I nice? Hell no, I friggin' ain't, I'm a harbinger of destruction! Violence incarnate! I'm the fire of the earth, coming up from the ground to lay waste to anyone dumb enough to get close! Got that?
Dr. Vilhjálmsson: You're a bubbling puddle of lava.
SCP-1699: Oh, touché. (It chuckles.) You got me. Look, mister, uh, Einjar, was it? I know you're probably a busy, busy man, but… You think you and your team could, like, help me out? A favor for a favor?
Dr. Vilhjálmsson: What is it.
SCP-1699: I've been thinking — I'm already hot stuff, y'know, but I could be even hotter.
And you and your crew seem to know a lot about my kind… You think you could, like, coach me?
Dr. Vilhjálmsson: I'm sorry?
SCP-1699: Like, train me. To be more of a natural disaster, y'know? 'Cuz right now… (It sighs) seems like I'm just a run-of-the-mill freak of nature, you feel me? I wanna be more destructive. More of a volcano! You get me, don't you?
Dr. Vilhjálmsson: I can't promise that. I'll have to go now, SCP-1699.
SCP-1699: (It laughs) Ooh, cold. Well, I'll be here. If you, like, change your mind.
End Log Date: February 4, 2017 Interviewer: Senior Volcanologist Einar Vilhjálmsson Interviewee: SCP-1699 Begin Log Dr. Vilhjálmsson: Hello again, SCP-1699.
SCP-1699: Hey, Einjar. What's up.
Dr. Vilhjálmsson: (He sighs) My name is Einar.
SCP-1699: Yeah, yeah, sorry. What do you want, Einar?
Dr. Vilhjálmsson: This is just a check-in. By the way, I can't help but notice — you seem a bit… SCP-1699: Bummed? Yeah, guess I am.
Dr. Vilhjálmsson: I was going to say 'quieter,' but I suppose that works. (He writes something in his notebook.) What's the matter, SCP-1699?
SCP-1699: Well, it's — promise you won't laugh, by the way (Dr. Vilhjálmsson nods) — you know those other guys you brought with you? Those lab-coat scientist types?
Dr. Vilhjálmsson: My research team?
SCP-1699: Yeah, those guys. Well, the other day — you weren't here, by the way — I was talking at them, tryin' to get their attention, to scare them, you know? And after a while, one of them comes up, looks at me, and says, like, uh… 'you're no eyy-a-feller- yokel?' Did I pronounce that right?
Dr. Vilhjálmsson: I believe it's 'Eyjafjallajökull.' SCP-1699: Yeah, yeah, that's it, thanks. So, like, she said 'you're no Eyjafjallajökull,' right, and I'm all like 'what's that?' And would you believe it, the lady laughs at me!
Dr. Vilhjálmsson: Inconceivable.
SCP-1699: I know, right? So then, after she's had a good chuckle at me, she tells me all about all these other volcanoes, you know, not just this 'Eyjafjallajökull,' that I had no idea existed, and like… (It sighs) Man, I've got a whole lot to live up to, huh? I mean, if I ever wanna make a name for myself… Dr. Vilhjálmsson: What do you mean?
SCP-1699: Well, uh… I've kinda got my work cut out for me, at this point. Y'know that Eyjafjallajökull, when it erupted, brought air-travel in this part of the world to its knees for weeks? And Bárðarbunga, with all that hot lava getting everywhere and flowing over everything? And that's just in this century! Don't get me started on what she told me about the others, like Vesuvius and, uh… Monaha?
Dr. Vilhjálmsson: Moaha?
SCP-1699: Yeah, yeah, whatever. It's all just… It's a lot, you know? A lot to think about.
You mind if I cut things off early today? I don't really wanna talk anymore.
Dr. Vilhjálmsson: I can see why. I'll see you next week, SCP-1699.
SCP-1699: Thanks, man. I was getting a bit too heated about all this.
End Log Date: February 12, 2018 Interviewer: Senior Volcanologist Einar Vilhjálmsson Interviewee: SCP-1699 Begin Log Dr. Vilhjálmsson: Hello.
SCP-1699: Go away.
Dr. Vilhjálmsson: What's wrong, SCP-1699?
SCP-1699: It's nothing you'd care about. Leave me alone.
Dr. Vilhjálmsson: You'd be surprised.
SCP-1699: Ha. This is out of character for you, Einar. Shouldn't you be taking jabs at me, or something?
Dr. Vilhjálmsson: (He sighs) SCP-1699, I'm sorry you feel that way- SCP-1699: Like hell you are. Go talk smack about me to your friends about how useless I am and leave me alone.
Dr. Vilhjálmsson: Now, hold on — SCP-1699, nobody but you thinks you're useless.
You've been a pl- well, you've been quite the conversation partner, and researching you has brou- SCP-1699: I don't give a damn about your 'scientific advancements' or 'research' or whatever! Just go away! All of you! Since you've come over and set up your stupid campsite around me, all I get is a constant stream of friggin'- trash-talk and insults! I get told on a daily basis by your asshole scientist friends about how many other volcanoes are out there spewing lava and leveling towns, and you friggin' laugh at how that makes me feel!
Dr. Vilhjálmsson: I-I'm sorry for not being here when that happened. I can certainly talk to them abou- SCP-1699: I'm not friggin' done. I'm tired of being treated like a novelty by you dicks. I'm tired of spending every day listening to everyone laughing at me when they think I can't hear them. I'm tired of just being a useless, bubbling puddle of lava and knowing that I can never be more than that- Dr. Vilhjálmsson: SCP-1699, just know that I'm truly sorry for all this- (Lava spurts from within SCP-1699. Dr. Vilhjálmsson flinches.) SCP-1699: LEAVE ME ALONE!
(SCP-1699 begins to bubble violently, and some lava overflows onto the surrounding ground. Dr. Vilhjálmsson leaves the area. SCP-1699 produces a sound similar to weeping for ten minutes following the event.) End Log Afterword: Following this event, the psychological condition of SCP-1699 notably worsened. It became mostly unresponsive and verbally listless, with its only vocalizations being threats and insults directed at nearby researchers. Dr. Vilhjálmsson requested to be moved to Research Outpost 1699-A to act as a full-time research supervisor and to investigate cases of suspected anomaly mistreatment; this request was approved, and Vilhjálmsson was able to minimize verbal denigration of SCP-1699 by research personnel by threat of disciplinary action.
Addendum: Event Log Foreword: On February 26, 2018, Research Outpost 1699-A was formally declared obsolete due to completion of the construction of Site-687 north of Grímsstaðir, Iceland and the entry of Floating Site 003 (SCPF Njörðr) into Icelandic waters. Senior Volcanologist Einar Vilhjálmsson requested a shipment of fireworks to "commemorate the occasion;" the request was denied, but Dr. Vilhjálmsson was allowed the use of fireworks in the area surrounding SCP-1699 provided that he used his own money to buy them.
The following is a transcript of the events of March 4, 2018, recorded by Junior Researcher Þuríður Helgesdóttir on her personal cell-phone.
Involved Personnel: Senior Volcanologist Einar Vilhjálmsson, Junior Researcher Þuríður Helgesdóttir, Associate Volcanologist Ivan Preobrazhensky Involved Anomaly/ies: SCP-1699 Begin Log 1:26:56: JR Helgesdóttir begins recording. Dr. Vilhjálmsson has arranged a series of fireworks to surround SCP-1699, and is in the process of tying a rope to the tents of the outpost.
JR Helgesdóttir: Why do I have to record this, again?
Dr. Preobrazhensky: (Off-camera) Probably to make sure we don't break any rules, or get anyone hurt. This should be fine, though, I think.
Dr. Vilhjálmsson: For the record, let's all consider this unofficial community service for breaking 1699's heart. Now quiet down. I'm almost done.
1:29:30: Dr. Vilhjálmsson finishes tying the rope, and JR Helgesdóttir moves to sit beside Dr. Preobrazhensky.
Dr. Preobrazhensky: All right. What now?
Dr. Vilhjálmsson: Just, uh, go with the plan. But make sure 1699 hears it!
JR Helgesdóttir: Man, this is honestly so cute- (Drs. Vilhjálmsson and Preobrazhensky shush her, and Dr. Vilhjálmsson begins to loudly speak.) Dr. Vilhjálmsson: Gee, what a great day at Research Outpost 1699-A! I sure hope a volcanic eruption doesn't stick a wrench in our research and merrymaking!
Dr. Preobrazhensky: I concur, friend Einar! A volcanic eruption is the very last thing we need! It would certainly ruin our day.
(SCP-1699 begins bubbling.) SCP-1699: Stop making fun of me.
JR Helgesdóttir: Oh no! Was that a tremor I heard? (Dr. Preobrazhensky turns to her, silently nodding and holding both his thumbs up.) SCP-1699: You again? Seriously? Come on, go away.
Dr. Vilhjálmsson: This is entirely serious, SCP-1699. We fear the destruction you could bring! We're trembling at the thought!
SCP-1699: Hey, I know you! Einar, shut up and stop saying all that stuff just to make me feel better. It's not working!
• • Dr. Vilhjálmsson: Stop saying that, yourself! I know you've been holding back your true power, just to make us feel better!
Dr. Preobrazhensky: Exactly! For the love of God, SCP-1699, don't erupt!
You'll kill us all!
SCP-1699: This is friggin' embarrassing. I told you to go away.
JR Helgesdóttir: Mama, come pick me up! I'm scared!
(SCP-1699 begins violently bubbling) SCP-1699: FOR THE LAST TIME, SHUT UP AND LEAVE ME ALO- (Lava flows from SCP-1699, igniting a fuse connected to the array of fireworks. As they explode, Dr. Vilhjálmsson pulls the rope, causing Research Outpost 1699-A to collapse. Dr. Preobrazhensky and JR Helgesdóttir scream.) Dr. Preobrazhensky: Oh, the humanity!
JR Helgesdóttir: Oh, Ivan, hold me in our final moments! (She stifles a snicker) 1:37:07: Drs. Preobrazhensky and Vilhjálmsson stand beside JR Helgesdóttir, watching SCP-1699. Lava stops flowing from SCP-1699, and it remains silent for two minutes.
SCP-1699: Uh… guys?
(Dr. Preobrazhensky appears to hold in a sneeze. SCP-1699 begins to laugh.) SCP-1699: Oh my friggin' God, did you see that?
End Log Afterword: The day after this event, Dr. Vilhjálmsson interviewed SCP-1699.
Date: March 5, 2018 Interviewer: Senior Volcanologist Einar Vilhjálmsson Interviewee: SCP-1699 Begin Log Dr. Vilhjálmsson: Hello, SCP-1699.
SCP-1699: Oh, hey! Man, am I glad you're alive, Einar. I mean you saw what happened yesterday, right?
• Dr. Vilhjálmsson: I sure did. Man, this outpost is still reeling from it! So many casualties, so much property damage… it was horrific!
SCP-1699: No, it wasn't.
Dr. Vilhjálmsson: I-I'm sorry?
SCP-1699: (It sighs) Look, man, (It lowers its voice) I know you did that for me, and I'm really, really thankful you did. Not just because it made me feel better, or anything- Dr. Vilhjálmsson: You… don't have to whisper. This isn't really a secret.
SCP-1699: Ah, yeah, right. Well, anyway… I just want to thank you. For, you know, opening my eyes. So to speak.
Dr. Vilhjálmsson: What do you mean?
SCP-1699: Well, you know… In the moment, hearing and feeling all those explosions and thinking I created all that death and destruction was, like, the coolest thing ever, right? I felt like a million krona, like I was at the top of the world, right? But then, after a while, I started to get really, really, uh… really lonely. Lonely, and worried, and then I thought I'd killed you all, and I started… feeling, uh… (SCP-1699 pauses for approximately 54 seconds, producing sounds similar to choked breathing.) SCP-1699: I missed you guys, man! I was lonely, really lonely, and friggin'- friggin' guilty, to top that off! Even though, let's be real here, I kinda thought you deserved it too. (Dr.
Vilhjálmsson shrugs and nods.) You should've heard me, man, I was sobbing out here, over you! But then, like, I guess I was crying loud enough to get the attention of one of the security guards or whatever your guys have patrolling around here, and he came up to me and told me what happened!
Dr. Vilhjálmsson: Well, I'm sorry- SCP-1699: You don't have to be! Well, anyway, when he told me nobody'd actually died, man, I was the most relieved I'd probably ever been! I mean, I was just, like- you know what they say, 'brimming with joy,' or whatever. If I could cry, man, my eyes would be like fountains back when I heard that, y'know? And that's when I realized… y'know… Give me a sec. I gotta figure out how to articulate my thoughts.
Dr. Vilhjálmsson: Take as much time as you need.
(SCP-1699 is silent for approximately 2 minutes.) SCP-1699: Well, I figured out then and there that, uh… death and destruction look cool from a distance, y'know, the explosions are bigger on the other other side of the fence n' all… but me, I'm not like that, y'know? I don't have the heart for it. 'Cuz at the end of the day, being a natural disaster isn't cool if you end up killing someone you care about, and the people they care about too. (It laughs) Man, ain't that cheesy? Still though, truest words I ever said. Am I right?
Dr. Vilhjálmsson: You certainly are, SCP-1699. Does this mean you're feeling better about yourself, now?
SCP-1699: Well, a little part of me, way deep down, still kinda wants to be more, like, disastrous and all — but I guess most of me is happy right here.
Dr. Vilhjálmsson: It's certainly good to be down to earth. I'll see you next week, SCP-1699.
SCP-1699: See you around, Einar.
End Log Footnotes 1. The following logs have been approximated from Icelandic to English by borges.aic.
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