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Description: SCP-7538 designates a group of sentient stuffed selachians colloquially referred to as 'Blåhaj', manufactured by the Swedish company IKEA.
Specimens of SCP-7538 are capable of levitation, travelling through the air in a matter comparable to swimming in the ocean. Despite bearing a resemblance to typical blue sharks, SCP-7538's behavior are similar to that of domesticated canines, being fairly docile and able to understand simple instructions.
Addendum: Recording Log On the 9th of November, 2021, an unauthorized package was delivered to Site-757 before being taken in by Dr. Mako and brought to SCP-7538's cell. Due to this, Senior Researcher Anthony Clips was sent in to investigate the matter.
[BEGIN LOG] Clips enters the containment chamber while fixated on a clipboard he has in hand.
Clips: Good afternoon, Ms. Mako. Director Numen had sent me here to inspect a certain matter involving a recent package that arrived on-site. Apparently, I was told you would know about it so — He looks up and sees Mako, who is staring back at him while taping a boxing glove to the tip of an SCP-7538 instance's nose with duct tape. Her mouth is agape and her eyes are widened as Clips accidentally drops his clipboard. There is a brief moment of silence.
A number of other specimens are also equipped with boxing gloves. He kneels down and picks up his clipboard.
Clips: What are you doing?
Mako glances away from Clips before looking back.
Mako: What does it look like I'm doing?
Clips: It looks like you're attaching boxing gloves to your pet sharks.
Mako: Well, you'd be right, my good man. Thanks for the observation!
Clips clicks his pen repeatedly and sighs.
Clips: I'm reporting you to the higher ups.
Mako: Wait, wait, wait — Mako scrambles to Clips, almost tripping while doing so.
Mako: I can assure you that I have a very reasonable explanation behind… (gestures) all this. It makes a lot of sense once you hear me out.
Clips: I'm sorry but I doubt there's anything reasonable about that.
Clips points to two SCP-7538 instances bumping into each other using the boxing gloves. She turns to them and lets out a chuckle.
Mako: It's cute, isn't it?
Clips: That's… besides the point.
Mako: Eh, you were considering it for a moment.
Clips: No, I wasn't.
Mako: Are you shore? Laying playful punches on your new fishy friends. You'd be down for that, right?
Clips: No, I wouldn't. That's ridiculous.
Mako turns back.
Mako: Look, Clippy — Clips: Don't call me "Clippy".
Mako: — Clips, right. This is all just a misunderstanding. I mean, I’m only trying to expand on our recreational activities. Creating more games we can play together, you know?
Clips: And you jumped to… boxing gloves?
Mako: This is just an experiment!
Clips: This is a glorified show-and-tell at an elementary school.
Mako: Good greef, Clips. You're hurting the poor souls. Look at them.
Two SCP-7538 instances are chasing one another. Clips raises his eyebrow.
Clips: You're hurting the site's budget.
Mako: No, I'm not. This is from my own paycheck, honest.
Clips: Then you're hurting your own budget. I'm leaving.
Mako rushes to the entrance, blocking him.
Mako: I'm afraid I can't let you go, Clips.
Clips: Step away, Ms. Mako. You're being highly unprofessional.
Mako: No. I'm sorry, but you leave me no choice. (Raises her voice) Finions!
All SCP-7538 specimens faces Mako and Clips.
Clips: What the f — Mako: ATTACK!
Mako shoves Clips to the ground as the SCP-7538 instances approach him, proceeding to surround and punch him all over his body again and again.
Mako: That's right. Come on, boys. Punch him in the gut!
Clips: Hey, stop! Get off of me!
Mako: What's wrong, Clips? Don't you sea how much fun they're having?
Clips: Mako, for the love of — ow!
Clips shields himself from the specimens with his clipboard.
Mako: I'm sure it can also improve staff morale. Very entertaining, very fun. It's a jawsome idea, don't you agree?
Clips: Ow! — As if.
Mako: Aw, you're such a gilljoy.
Clips: Mako, can you please stop this whole fiasc — ow! — STOP THAT!
The SCP-7538 instances stop and hesitate for a moment before continuing.
Mako: No, I still need more data. Just keep 'em occupied for a little longer, okay?
Clips: Ugh… The next few minutes consist of Clips being constantly hit by the SCP-7538 instances, occasionally but unsuccessfully attempting to wave them off with his arm. Mako then calls them off, causing the specimens to fly elsewhere and interact with each other again.
Clips remains in a fetal position as Mako kneels down, staring at his face. He ignores her and turns to the ground.
Mako: So, water your thoughts? What'd you think?
Pause.
Clips: …I think I hate you.
Another pause. Mako grins.
Mako: (Inhales) Worth it.
[FIN. LOG] Dr. Mako was later reprimanded for this behavior. The boxing gloves were also confiscated and removed from facility grounds.
cmon clips i said i was sorry No, Mako. You should consider this a warning for such childish conduct. Even if your department handles matters concerning the morale of anomalies, I did not consent to being endlessly punched by shark toys stuck with boxing gloves.
Apology unaccepted.
okay, yeah, that was unfair. i shouldve given u the chance to fight back What?
what did u do with the gloves anyway?
Like we said, they were disposed of.
no dont lie i saw that glimmer in ur eyes back there theres no need to be so uptide, u know I'm not lying.
Stop with the puns.
And stop acting like you know what you're saying.
look, me and the other management staff r planning to have an all out fight with our sharks. twice as many boxing gloves, twice as many punches, twice as fun i know u said we shouldnt slack off like that but theres nothing wrong with loosening up every once in a while besides, we can just write it off as standard protocol. im sure its fine Please, I have no reason to play around with you lot.
clips, its a simple yes or no question u wanna come with or not?
… Okay, fine.
The gloves are in my closet.
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Filename: Sharkie Name: IKEA shark friend Author: brownpau License: CC BY 2.0 Source Link: Flickr _cc_licenseboxautonomousengagement-divisionfishmobilesafescpsharktoy page revision: 14, last edited: 10 Sep 2024 22:47 Edit Rate (+115) Tags Discuss (22) History Files Print Site tools + Options Edit Sections Append Edit Meta Watchers Backlinks Page Source Parent Lock Page Rename Delete Help  | Terms of Service  | Privacy  | Report a bug  | Flag as objectionable Powered by Wikidot.com Unless otherwise stated, the content of this page is licensed under Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 License Click here to edit contents of this page.
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