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Description: SCP-8677 is a black television remote of unknown model. It randomly replaces other non-anomalous remote control devices within Site-01.
Pressing any button on SCP-8677 triggers anomalous effects, affecting all individuals within a 10-meter radius for a duration of 15 minutes.
Known button effects include: Mute All sounds in the area cease Pause Individuals in the area get immobilised Channel Up/Down Individuals in the area get teleported to a television program.
In case the channel effect is triggered, affected individuals must comply with the teleported program's rules in order to safely return after the duration of the effect. Failure to do so results in affected subjects not returning, who are presumed to be lost.
Addendum 8677-1: Incident Log During a presentation, the pause button on SCP-8677 was pressed. The presentation room's video camera captured the incident.
[BEGIN LOG] Dr. Walsh: Alright everyone, I know you are tired, but next up we have a short presentation about an update on infohazard threat approachment protocols. Let's quickly start on that.
Dr. Walsh picks up the remote and presses a button.
Everyone in the room freezes in motion.
Dr. Walsh is seen frozen with his arm extending forward, with SCP-8677 in his hand. His mouth is fixed in an "O" shape as if he was halted mid-speech.
Dr. Porter is seen to be frozen mid-yawn, eyes closed, mouth wide open with every tooth in her mouth visible.
Dr. Hale is caught mid nose-pick, with his index finger almost fully inserted into his nose.
His head is tilted slightly. His eyes are fixed on an indeterminate point on the table.
Dr. Warmer is frozen mid-sip with a coffee cup tilted toward her mouth.
The room remains silent for 15 minutes before motion resumes.
Dr. Porter coughs, startled by her prolonged yawn.
Dr. Hale retracts his hand sharply while avoiding to make eye contact with anyone.
Dr. Warmer spills coffee onto her lap, cursing loudly.
[END LOG] Dr. Hale has submitted a formal request to delete the footage, citing "damage to personal dignity." This request was denied. However, disciplinary action was taken against personnel who circulated the video in Site-01 intranet, titled "Operation Big Drill." Addendum 8677-2: Incident Log SCP-049 requested an audience with the O5 Council to present his discovery of a new cure, insisting he only intends to speak about this with "the highest ranked researchers".
The O5 council declined, but they agreed to send in Mobile Task Force Alpha-1 ("Red Right Hand") to speak on behalf of them.
The body camera footage of Agent Jameson captured the incident.
[BEGIN LOG] Commander Greaves: Alright 049, this is Commander Greaves from Alpha-1. The O5 council sent us to hear about your "cure".
SCP-049: Ah, representatives of the Council. Let's not waste any time, the cure awaits revelation!
Agent Jameson: It's a sauna in here. Good thing you have an AC.
Agent Jameson presses a button on the air conditioning unit's remote control.
Footage shifts from SCP-049’s containment chamber to a brightly lit dance stage. Both the MTF team and SCP-049 are seen to be visibly disoriented. A sign above reads, "So you think you can dance?" Agent Sanders: What the fuck!?
Agent Jameson: Damn it, I thought it was for the AC!
A loud voice of an announcer fills the stage as the crowd cheers.
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome our next contestants: The Plague Doctor and the Red Right Hand!
Spotlights shine upon the team. The Alpha-1 agents exchange looks of disbelief, while SCP-049 observes their surroundings with widened eyes.
Agent Jameson: Orders, commander?
Commander Greaves: We comply. And Jameson, that remote is getting shoved up your ass when this is over.
Agent Jameson: (sighing) Understood, sir.
The agents hesitantly form a line as music begins. SCP-049, visibly intrigued, takes his place beside Agent Sanders.
The team start their dance. Their initial movements are clunky and uncoordinated, with Sanders almost colliding with Jameson.
Agent Jameson: This is humiliating.
Agent Sanders: You don't say?
Commander Greaves: We're here because you fucked up, Jameson. Now shut up and dance.
As the music intensifies, SCP-049 follows along with high enthusiasm, twirling with extended arms and sweeping motions.
Commander Greaves: He's… enjoying this?
The music shifts, and the group transitions to a freestyle segment. SCP-049 seizes the moment to move to the center stage and perform a dramatic solo.
As the music slows down, SCP-049 bows deeply.
SCP-049: (yelling) The pestilence shall be eradicated by elegance!
The crowd erupts into cheers.
Agent Sanders: He’s going to ask for a dance floor in his cell, isn't he?
SCP-049 grabs Jameson by the hand and attempts a partner dance, where he twirls him twice before dipping him.
Agent Jameson: Commander! A little help here?
Commander Greaves: You got us into this. Suits you well, asshole.
SCP-049 releases Jameson, gesturing the audience for more applause. The crowd obliges with deafening cheers.
Sanders trips over his own feet and lands in a split. SCP-049 excitedly tries to mimick the move, tripping and landing on top of Sanders.
The agents complete the remaining routine with minimal interaction, mostly focused on avoiding further engagement with SCP-049’s excited gestures. The music concludes, and the audience responds with loud applause as the footage shifts back to SCP-049’s containment chamber.
Commander Greaves: (adjusting his gear) This never happened.
SCP-049: I propose we integrate dancing performances into my routine. Artistic refinement could prove useful for eradication of the pestilence.
Commander Greaves turns to glare at SCP-049 before walking out of the chamber without a word. The agents follow him.
[END LOG] Despite strict orders from the site director, video footage of the event titled "Red Dancing Hand" started circulating among personnel.
Commander Greaves has issued a formal warning against further distribution, threatening mandatory participation in choreography training led by SCP-049 for all further offenders. SCP-049 has reportedly expressed a great enthusiasm for this idea.
Addendum 8677-3: Incident Log: [BEGIN LOG] The footage begins in a meeting room. The O5 Council members are seated around a circular table. O5-1 is holding a remote.
O5-1: Let’s move on. Next slide.
O5-1 presses a button. The scene shifts to a brightly lit football stadium. The scoreboard reads ████████ United vs. O5 Council.
O5-1 is standing on the sidelines, wearing a suit as the team coach. O5-7, positioned at midfield, is wearing a bright yellow referee’s shirt and a whistle around his neck. The rest of the Overseers are wearing white uniforms with the logo of the Foundation.
O5-3: Great. Couldn't you just check the remote?
O5-4: You just tore Alpha-1 a new one for the incident last week, right? And now you teleported the whole council to a football match. Well congratulations, coach.
O5-4 claps his hands in a very slow motion.
O5-1: Save it, it's about to start. We play defensive. Four, you're the goalkeeper, I know you can't run.
O5-4: Such confidence in the team. What a coach.
O5-4 reluctantly jogs toward the goal while muttering under his breath. The rest of the team take positions while exchanging confused looks.
O5-7 blows the whistle and ████████ United starts the match.
████████ United quickly starts advancing downfield. Their striker dribbles past O5-8, who stumbles trying to intercept and lands face-first on the grass.
The striker has a clear shot and O5-4 watches helplessly as the the ball flies past him and goes into the net.
O5-1: (yelling) Damn it! Focus, at least try to do something!
The game restarts and the Overseers lose possession within seconds.
O5-9: I got it!
O5-9 charges toward the opposing player, sliding into a brutal tackle that sends both players tumbling. The whistle blows. O5-7 approaches calmly with a red card in her hand.
O5-9: (still on the ground) Come on, I thought you were on our side!
O5-7: (calmly) Rules are rules. Off the field, Nine. Now!
████████ United makes another attempt. O5-4 makes a dive in an attempt to save but lands badly, clutching his leg and conceding another goal.
O5-4: I think I pulled something. Sub me out!
O5-1: There are no substitutes! Just stand there and look useful!
O5-5 attempts to clear the ball from the defensive line but kicks it directly into O5-3’s back. The rebound lands perfectly on an opposing striker, who scores effortlessly.
O5-1: (yelling) Oh, come on!
O5-3: (still in pain due to impact) I hope the next one hits you in the balls, coach!
The game restarts and the Overseers lose possession, again. O5-8 and O5-6 collide while chasing the ball, both falling on the ground.
As the timer hits 15 minutes, ████████ United scores their eighth goal. The footage cuts back to the meeting room where the Overseers reappear in their seats.
O5-1: Meeting is over. And this whole incident? Never happened. No one talks about this. Ever.
The Overseers exchange nods.
[END LOG] Despite O5-1’s explicit instructions to never speak of the incident, footage of the match titled "O5 United: Eight Goals, Zero Dignity" was leaked into Site-01 intranet.
Addendum 8677-4: Incident Log [BEGIN LOG] The Administrator stands at the head of the table in a conference room. The O5 Council members sit in silence, avoiding eye contact with the Administrator.
The Administrator presses a button on a remote without saying a word.
The screen comes to life, showing Alpha-1 and SCP-049 in a dancing contest.
The Administrator presses a button again. A video of a soap opera starts playing. Two researchers from Site-01 are seen wearing Victorian-era costumes. They are in a luxuriously decorated living room, arguing about one's betrayal to the other with confused expressions.
The Administrator: You have seen these before. You fully knew these incidents.
The Administrator presses a button again. A video of a documentary starts playing. A researcher from Site-01 is trying to chase a pack of deers on all fours and a narrator voice in the background is describing how "this specific lion doesn't seem to have decent hunting capabilities." The Administrator: And yet, despite knowing about all of these, you managed to outdo them all.
The image of O5-7 showing a red card during the football match incident is displayed on the screen.
The Administrator: The almightly O5 council, capable of containing world ending anomalies, failed to check one simple remote and made an ass of themselves. How do you plan to be taken seriously from now on?
The Administrator is still holding the remote in his hand, but there is a shift in its appearance. The remote is now black.
O5-12: Sir, with all due respe- The Administrator: Seriously, how hard was it to check one simple remote? All you had to do, was to… O5-5: Sir, be caref- The Administrator: Do not interrupt me again, Five!
There is a moment of silence. The Overseers exchange nervous glances.
The Administrator: How hard was it check a remote!?
The Administrator presses a button.
The room is instantly replaced by bright lights and an illuminated sign reading: The Weakest Link. The Administrator and the O5 Council now stand behind individual podiums. Everyone looks around, The Administrator with confusion, and the Overseers with disbelief.
Host: Welcome to The Weakest Link! Tonight, we have some special contestants from the SCP Foundation. Let’s see if their intelligence matches their reputation.
O5-2: There you have your answer, sir.
The Administrator opens his mouth, but nothing comes out.
Host: First round. Start the clock.
The buzzer sounds and a timer counting down from 2 minutes start.
Host: O5-11, what entity is known as 'The Shy Guy'?
O5-11: 096?
Host: Correct!
Host: O5-3, what entity is contained in a standard Safe class locker and causes rapid hair growth?
O5-3: 914?
Host: Wrong! It’s SCP-978.
The Administrator’s expression grows increasingly sour as the round continues. O5-5 manages to get one correct answer about SCP-682’s nickname, but O5-6 incorrectly identifies SCP-294 as a vending machine for candy. Finally, the buzzer sounds to end the round.
Host: That’s the end of the round! You’ve managed to earn a grand total of… twenty dollars. Pathetic.
The Administrator rubs his temples. O5-8 is attempting to suppress a grin.
Host: Whose IQ level is lower than the room temperature? It’s time to vote for the weakest link.
The contestants scribble on their boards.
As the time is up, they reveal their boards. The Administrator has voted for O5-13.
Everyone else has voted for the Administrator. The Overseers are all trying to hide their giggles.
The Administrator: Seriously?
Host: Administrator, you are the weakest link. Goodbye!
A trapdoor opens beneath the Administrator, and he drops out of sight. The Overseers burst into laughter.
The footage shifts back to the meeting room. The Administrator's face is red, with his eyebrows raised.
The Administrator: From now on, no more remotes are allowed in Site-01. Get rid of them. All of them.
The Overseers burst into another laughter.
The Administrator picks up SCP-8677 and presses the mute button, before walking out of the room.
[END LOG] Footage of the incident, titled "Administrator: The Weakest Overseer" has started circulating among Site-01 personnel.
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