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ARCHIVED: Special Containment Procedures SCP-2912 are to be held in isolation within individual Humanoid Containment Units at Biological Containment Site-66. SCP-2912 instances must be fed a strict diet of "Circus Peanuts"1 and sugar water that has been artificially colored purple2. Foundation physicians are to remain on standby, despite knowledge of SCP-2912 health and biology being extremely limited at this time.
Description: SCP-2912 designates three roughly humanoid organisms resembling typical circus clowns: SCP-2912-1, SCP-2912-2, and SCP-2912-3. Genetically close to humans (all instances sharing a relatively recent common ancestor in Homo sapiens sapiens), SCP-2912 entities have/had undergone severe and varied corporeal and psychological augmentation(s). All contained instances of SCP-2912 were abruptly neutralized on 11/16/1998 - the incident determined to be entirely accidental with blame placed on PoI-4569's failure to communicate relevant information to Foundation personnel.
SCP-2912-1 Overview: An almost entirely spherical body.
A complete lack of a skeletal system.
While its legs, arms, and head did exist, they were found to be vestigial and heavily atrophied.
Closely resembling an air-filled balloon, SCP-2912-1 was able to transport itself through the air via an internal gas bladder (created from the left lung, so grossly enlarged that it occupied the majority of internal space) and modified anal sphincter.
Black and white skin, forming horizontal stripes around its body.
Capable of extending a long black tongue - the act producing a vocalization similar to the sound produced by "party horns"3.
Although its level of intelligence could not be ascertained, it was at least capable of understanding several English words (mostly in the form of commands).
SCP-2912-2 Overview: An unusually tall (2.56 meters) and spindly (with the exception of its left hand and abdomen, which both appear bloated) humanoid organism • • • • • • • • Capable of producing music from its asymmetrical and disjointed body.
Vertebrae are comparatively large and oddly shaped, producing sound similar to a xylophone in use (with 'songs' appearing to differ in correlation with the present angle of SCP-2912-2's spine). How it was able to create these sounds without directly striking individual vertebrae was never deduced.
The left hand was large and flat and used to strike its bloated abdomen - the resulting sound similar to those produced by bass drums.
Its face lacked eyes, had a bulbous red nose, (capable of honking despite being entirely organic) and was primarily dominated by a large mouth (devoid of lips).
Yellow skin covered in red 'polka dots'.
Vocalizations failed to correspond with any known musical instrument but have been described by Foundation musicologists as resembling an accordion crossed with an ondes Martenot.4 Potentially higher intelligence than other SCP-2912 entities, as it was able to compose unique music when commanded to do so.
Music produced by SCP-2912-2 triggered strong emotional responses among listeners - it remains unknown whether this reaction was anomalous or simply an explainable psychological response.
SCP-2912-3 Overview: Resembled a biological human more closely than SCP-2912-1 or SCP-2912-2. The appearance of face paint is part of its natural appearance.
Laughter was apparently its only form of vocalization. This noise represented a cognitohazard and triggered uncontrollable laughter among its listeners, lasting for 6 to 32 hours.
An ability to create cream pies seemingly out of thin air. It is speculated that nearby matter was transmuted and teleported to SCP-2912-3 in the form of cream pies.
[DATA EXPUNGED] These anomalies were discovered on 10/05/1998 after a raid on a fair ground that had hosted Herman Fuller's Circus of the Disquieting only minutes before the arrival of Foundation operatives. One small tent was left behind, the others having vanished as operatives approached. Inside were SCP-2912-1, SCP-2912-2, SCP-2912-3, and PoI-4569.
+ Interview: PoI-4569 Interviewed: "Dick C. Normus"5 Interviewer: Dr. Patrick Dolan Foreword: Subject is a Caucasian male and is believed to be between 40 to 60 years of age.
<Begin Log> Dr. Dolan: Please explain what you were doing prior to your apprehension.
• • • • • • • • • • • • PoI-4569: Listen fuck-face, I don't go to your job and pull the anomalous cock out of your ass. I got work to do and Mr. Fuller ain't exactly the most patient bloke.
Dr. Dolan: So you are a member of Herman Fuller's Circus of the Disquieting?
PoI-4569: Yeah. What's it to you?
Dr. Dolan: What is your profession?
PoI-4569: Clown breeder.
Dr. Dolan: Excuse me?
PoI-4569: You deaf? I'm a motherfucking clown breeder.
Dr. Dolan: How exactly does one become a 'clown breeder'?
PoI-4569: My father was a clown breeder. My father's father was a clown breeder. My father's father's father? Well, he was a horse beater… Dr. Dolan: And what does this job actually entail?
PoI-4569: You that fucking stupid? It's in the god damn name.
Dr. Dolan: Enlighten me.
PoI-4569: I. Breed. Clowns.
Dr. Dolan: I see. Is this an old profession? You mentioned your father and grandfather… PoI-4569: [interrupting] Well, in the real old days, ya didn't have no breeders.
Back then the best we had was child breakers.
Dr. Dolan: Child breakers?
PoI-4569: What, ya think all freaks are just born that way? Body does a lot of growing when young. Just got to help it along a certain path - course, back then you could only make a hunchback. Nah, they deserve more credit. I mean, the Laughing Man, Turtle Boy, hell, the Inside-Out Girl? They was done the old way.
Dr. Dolan: As you say. I think that is all we need at the moment. Thank you for your time.
PoI-4569: Fuck you.
<End Log> On 11/16/1998, all SCP-2912 entities self-terminated between 0400 and 0600. Video revealed no changes in behavior prior to the neutralization event, when SCP-2912 instances abruptly exploded - their containment units coated in blood, viscera, confetti, and a viscous black liquid of uncertain purpose. When confronted about this incident, PoI-4569 stated (verbatim): "You fucking shit-eaters forgot to milk the clowns, didn't you?
Way to ruin a decade of work, you cunts." Addendum: An incident occurred on 12/25/1998, when video surveillance within PoI-4569's cell showed the door opening (while external video depicted the door as closed and no alarm was triggered). During this time, the faint sound of calliope music became audible within the cell and PoI-4569 proceeded to converse with an unidentified individual: Unidentified Individual: [voice is notably deep and atonal but words are muffled and inaudible] PoI-4569: 'Bout time you got here! Is that a smile or a frown? I can never tell with you.
Unidentified Individual: [inaudible] PoI-4569: A liability? Come on, I'm the best fucking clown breeder ya got and Mr. Fuller knows it.
The unidentified individual then briefly enters the cell - they appear muscular but further details are obscured by a cloud of what appears to be smoke, which permeates the cell via the anomalous doorway. PoI-4569 cried for help but security personnel were unable to reach him in time. An autopsy revealed that his cause of death was acute myocardial infarction (more commonly known as a heart attack).
Footnotes 1. A peanut-shaped marshmallow confection; SCP-2912 will refuse to feed if confections are not properly peanut-shaped.
2. SCP-2912 will refuse to drink unless the water is purple; does not require a specific shade.
3. Also known as party blowers; a horn formed from a paper tube, often one that is flattened and rolled into a coil, and which unrolls when blown into, producing a horn-like noise.
4. An early electronic musical instrument invented in 1928 by Maurice Martenot.
5. This is presumably not his real name but he had refused to offer any other.
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