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Any identified instances of SCP-2809-1 are to be administered amnestics sufficient to remove any memories associated with SCP-2809.
Online marketing is to be monitored for instances of SCP-2809-2 and targeted cyber- attacks are to be used to remove them.
Several fully-operational internet marketing agencies have been set up in an effort to gain first-hand contact with SCP-2809-3 and facilitate tracking it to its source.
Description: SCP-2809 is a temporal phenomenon affecting otherwise non-anomalous individuals who have suffered a recent loss of one or both of their parents. These individuals are designated SCP-2809-1.
At some point in an approximately one month period immediately after an instance of SCP-2809-1’s parent or parents have died, the SCP-2809-1 instance begins seeing a series of banner and pop-up advertisements while browsing internet content. These advertisements are designated as SCP-2809-2. They offer holidays in an indirect fashion by appealing to the viewer’s need for relaxation and relief from their troubles.
If an instance of SCP-2809-1 clicks on an instance of SCP-2809-2 they are taken to the website of Quondam Holidays which is designated as SCP-2809-3. It has proved impossible to locate this website through any means other than SCP-2809-1 clicking on SCP-2809-2. The routing information contained in SCP-2809-2 is invalid and cannot be used to locate the server on which the website is hosted through any other means.
When a holiday is booked through Quondam Holidays then that instance of SCP-2809-1 is picked up by an airport shuttle bus the following day and is not seen again for a period of time that has been recorded to vary from three days to twenty-two days. SCP-2809-1 instances that have been interviewed describe having been on a holiday during the missing time.
Transcript of interview KL-2809-07 Transcript of interview KL-2809-07.
This transcript is included as an illustrative example of an SCP-2809 event.
27/06/16 18:00 UTC Interviewer: Agent Cathleen Cargill (CC).
Interviewee: Khatira Mahmood, age 34 of Manchester, England (KM).
The following interview took place at the interviewee’s home with Agent Cargill assuming the guise of a journalist writing a lifestyle article about SCP-2809-3. Khatira Mahmood had been identified as probable instance of SCP-2809-1 by MTF Eta-18.
CC: Don’t worry, Miss Mahmood, this is just an informal little chat so I can get a clearer picture of Quondam Holidays and what they do, they’re sooo secretive. I really think they’re going to be a big thing next year. Is it OK if I call you Khatira?
KM: Call me Kat, everybody does.
CC: Me too! I hope it doesn’t get too confusing. [Laughs] KM: [Laughs] CC: So, let’s get to it. Can you tell me how you first heard about Quondam?
KM: I saw an advert online.
CC: Do you happen to remember what site you saw it on?
KM: I was browsing for… well I was looking at funeral arrangements. My mum had just died. I think it was Co-op?
CC: I’m so sorry!
KM: No, it’s OK. I feel a lot better about it now.
CC: So there was an advert…?
KM: Yeah, It said “Don’t let your baggage weigh you down, go on holiday with us.” Or “get away with us.” Something like that, anyway. I was just staring at it for ages and I thought to myself; “Why not? I need to get away.” So I clicked on it. It took me to this website; Quondam Holidays. It was a little weird, y’know?
CC: How do you mean?
KM: I don’t know… usually there’s lots of options, lots of places to choose from, right? There wasn’t anything like that. There was just this one option; “The Quondam Holiday.” Barely any information about it just that it cost £50 and that it was “exactly what you need.” I don’t think I’d have agreed to it, I mean; it was basically paying to get kidnapped, right? I didn’t even know where I was going but… I guess I really needed something right then.
CC: Oh, Kat.
KM: No really, it’s fine. It was the best decision I ever made.
I put my details in the form, paid up and it was done. Getting rid of all the decision-making really sped things up, probably took less than quarter of an hour. I had about five minutes to start second-guessing myself and then “ping!” new email. It was the confirmation pack from them. From Quondam.
An airport shuttle would pick me up in the morning to “whisk me away to a mystery destination, so I should get packed for sunshine.” CC: How exciting!
KM: Yeah, I guess it was. Honestly I was more nervous than excited.
CC: God, yes. I bet you were. What about the trip? Was it luxury travel?
KM: Well, the shuttle bus was really nice. All old-timey and classy. There were big, comfy armchairs instead of seats and there was a little bar at the back and a waiter that took my order and brought me a drink. It was really, really great.
CC: Wow! I heard they went the extra mile but that’s amazing!
KM: It really was. I hadn’t even left town and I was already having a good time. I got talking to the girl who got picked up after me and we were both so excited. Maybe a little drunk too, the drinks were all complimentary.
CC: Now that’s the way to start a holiday!
KM: Well yeah. I might have got carried away though. I must have fallen asleep before we got to the airport. I barely remember the flight at all.
CC: Nothing wrong with that, Kat. One plane is pretty much the same as any other anyway. What about at the other end? Somewhere nice?
KM: Yeah! It was Tenerife! I’d always meant to go there but never got around to it, y’know? By the time I was fully awake again I was in another shuttle bus on my way to the hotel. It was a lot like the other one actually, just with slightly different furniture and newer carpets. Even nicer, if anything.
CC: And the hotel? I bet it was some pretty swanky place.
KM: Uh, no. Not really. It was just this regular tourist-trap place. I was actually a little disappointed after the journey but then I bumped into my parents in the hallway. They had the room across from me.
CC: Your parents? Umm, aren’t they…?
KM: Dead? Yeah, but this was before that. They were in their twenties and on their first holiday together, so in love. It all seemed familiar from the photos they showed me when I was a kid. Different too, though. You don’t realise how much the colours fade until you see it with your own eyes. How vivid it is.
CC: How was it?
KM: Just perfect. We hung out and I got to know them, really know them like you do with strangers on holiday when you haven’t got any cares to drag you down. We did regular holiday stuff; swimming, beach stuff, got drunk. Nothing special but it was great. I’ve never been so relaxed.
CC: Wasn’t any of it strange, being with them then?
KM: Yeah, at first. I think I might have freaked them out a bit, just going over and starting talking to them. But I said I was sorry straight after and we started fresh, just people on holiday. It was cool, we laughed about it later.
And at the end, when we said goodbye, it was the good kind of goodbye. I told them I'd miss them and we all said we'd see each other again. It was like it always is in those situations: We all really meant it but we knew it might well not be true. But this time it was true, all of it.
CC: Oh, that’s just so great! I wish I could do something like that. You’d think it’s all lavish hotels and globe-trotting but I actually spend all my time writing about other people’s holidays.
KM: You should definitely go on one. You won’t regret it.
CC: I will! Thanks for taking the time, Kat. This is going to make a really good article!
KM: No problem, it’s been a real pleasure. Let me know when your article comes out so I can pick up a copy.
As a result of this interview Khatira Mahmood was positively identified as an instance of SCP-2809-1.
Evidence gathered online and from the homes of SCP-2809-1 instances and their families strongly supports the hypothesis that they spent the missing time on holiday in the recent past, typically 15-30 years in the past. SCP-2809-1 instances uniformly describe this in matter of fact terms and do not seem to find anything unusual about this.
No temporal restructuring events are known to have occurred as a result of SCP-2809 events but this is still believed to be a distinct possibility, should further events occur.
Investigation into SCP-2809-3 is ongoing, with most information about them gathered from interviews with SCP-2809-1 instances and online reviews of SCP-2809-3.
Reviews of SCP-2809 events from wayfarer.com "Really Happy!" – Write-up by iGurl13 one month ago.
This wasn’t at all what I expected but it WAS exactly what I needed. Thanks Quondam!
Useful?
":(" – Write-up by Boomstick two weeks ago.
Disco needs to stay dead.
Useful?
"Wow!" – Write-up by FryGuy three months ago.
OMG best holiday ever! My mum did so much coke!
Useful?
"Not Impressed" – Write-up by Pilgrim5 six months ago.
Dear Quondam, I wish to make you aware of the reasons I am unhappy with the quality of your service: The hotel was decidedly dated. The decor did not appear to have been updated in several decades, the lights were dim and flickered and I couldn't pay with chip and pin in the restaurant. I was hoping to stay in a hotel with more modern facilities. The area in which we were staying was charmingly quaint. It was really quite pleasant in a rustic way but again lacked many of the conveniences of the modern world. Overall I was not impressed.
Useful?
"Thank You Quondam!" – Write-up by ReeseDN38416 five days ago.
Thank you for giving me this experiance. Its a real life changer.
Useful?
"Mixed Feelings" – Write-up by DarkD three weeks ago.
I never thought I'd get to know my dad. Now I wish I hadn't. What a prick. Not Quondam's fault, though. Otherwise not at all bad.
Useful?
"Definitley Reccommend" – Write-up by DrSam53 four months ago.
fun holiday no wifi tho so marked down Useful?
"Oops." – Write-up by WyldStallion89 three days ago.
I did a bad thing.
Useful?
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