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SCP-8285 Description: SCP-8285 refers to 87 year old amateur bowler, Earl Roth. SCP-8285 currently resides in the small town of Blairsville, Georgia. SCP-8285 has bowled an estimated 43 perfect games, with eight consecutive perfect games having been recorded at the local bowling alley.1 Though theoretically possible through non- anomalous means, the lack of a pursuit of a professional career in bowling by SCP-8285, combined with the statistical unlikelihood of this accomplishment, it is believed that SCP-8285 has achieved these feats through anomalous means.
Though the details remain unclear at this time, SCP-8285 is believed to be capable of minor levels of reality bending. This most likely influencing the way the pins scatter after having been struck, allowing him to influence the outcomes of each roll with minimal risk of being caught.
Addendum SCP-8285-A: Initial Investigation SCP-8285’s potential anomalous ability was discovered during a routine sweep of various Georgia counties. Various townspeople were to be questioned about their recollection of SCP-8285’s activity as a bowler.
The local owner of Blairsville’s bowling alley, Jason Troup, was willing to share the history of SCP-8285’s success. Extraneous information was cut.
Blairsville Bowling Alley Troup: Hell of a guy, I tell you. It was like clockwork, you’d come in to get the electronics up and running, make sure the lanes were oiled, and he’d already be knocking at the door.
Agent Belmonte: He was there every single day? Never on break, or working a job or anything?
Troup: I mean he had his days where he was MIA, so to speak.
Agent Belmonte: Missing in action?
Troup: Never really felt comfortable to ask him about it. At least not until some weeks had gone by. We knew he struggled a bit health-wise, so we'd get scared sometimes, y'know?
Agent Belmonte: How'd he pay for all of this? Beyond the bowling, like groceries and utilities? God knows it ain't free.
Troup: Earl made a fortune off of fool's bets.
Agent Belmonte: What do you mean by fool’s bets?
Troup: A fool would walk in here. He'd sit down at the lane and just watch Earl sink ball after ball into the gutter. Eventually, once Earl had really reeled him in, he'd ask the fool if he'd like to make it interesting. I’d come out, set up a seven-ten split, or a big four, and the fool would have sold his daughter to place that kinda bet.
Agent Belmonte: And everyone would just fall for this?
Troup: You're not a bowler, are you?
Agent Belmonte: Not outside of my kid's birthday parties, anyways. Just find it odd so many people would come in and just throw money down.
Troup: They're practically impossible shots to nail. Yet, almost every single time, Earl would knock em' down. Easy money, really. And since it drove traffic in sometimes, I had no issue with letting him bowl for free. Guy was a freak.
Agent Belmonte: Your uh, wall of fame. Bit one sided, huh?
Troup: Well, you can’t really outcompete the best, can you? No one got close to what he could do. Putting anyone else up on that wall would be an insult to Earl. And trust me, no one would want to see their face on that wall, it'd be an insult to the greatest to ever walk these lanes.
Afterwards, SCP-8285 was approached for comment. Though living mostly a reclusive life due to his age and health complications, SCP-8285 was eager to talk about his past achievements. The interview was held in his living room, which had been carefully decorated with plaques, trophies and certificates, all neatly assorted by their date.
Roth: Please, please, come in. Hot as balls out there. Care for some sweet tea?
Agent Belmonte: No, I’m fine. Thank you for the offer though.
Roth: Troup called ahead and let me know y’all were doing some digging, shooting a documentary or something?
Agent Belmonte: Yeah, sort of. We stumbled upon your records, and we were quite intrigued to say the least. Always something special to be in the presence of an all-time great.
Roth: An all-time great? Don’t make me laugh, I’d have to actually bowl with em’ to be considered one. Bowling's just a hobby of mine. End of the day, we're cut from the same cloth.
Agent Belmonte: Well, I can tell you right now, the hall of famers haven’t bowled anywhere close to your level, I mean surely you’d have considered going pro?
Roth: Going pro at a game has to be the silliest thing, y’know? Bowling’s not about the money, or the airtime and certainly no cute girls care about some ol' bowler.
Roth laughs, before catching his breath.
Roth: Y’see, life had dealt me bad hand from the start, you'd think you can’t do nothing but fold… But that didn’t quite sit right by me, y’know?
Agent Belmonte: Troup mentioned health issues, I'm assuming that's what you're talking about?
Roth: Issues was puttin' it lightly. I wanted to make the most of the life I had left, and that didn’t have me playing in some fancy ol’ venue up in God knows where. It had me sitting down, having a beer with Jason and just bowling in that old, broken down joint.
Agent Belmonte: Made quite a lot of money on those lanes though, huh?
Roth: Sure, but you gotta pay the bills somehow.
Agent Belmonte: I really do find that quite odd, Mr. Roth.
Roth: Earl’s fine, bud.
Agent Belmonte: It's just - you’d have to be stupid to not try to make something out yourself with that talent of yours. Why stop at betting and not just go a step beyond and bowl in tournaments? Travel the country and all that?
Roth: I must be a prime dumbass to you then!
Agent Belmonte: It wasn't meant to get personal.
Roth: To hell with that. Point is, I grew up here, my pops grew up here, my pop-pop grew up here, it's my town. The PBA just don't get it, talking about some RPM bullshit and all these "modern" analytics. At the end of the day, I care about whether or not the pins are knocked down.
Agent Belmonte: Want me to be upfront with you?
Roth: Shoot.
Agent Belmonte: There’s simply no way you are as good as they claim you are. Your achievements are astronomical, I mean, not even once in a lifetime rare, but flat out impossible. If you take a look at the numb- Roth: It's not about no damn numbers. You listen here, bu- Agent Belmonte: You're misunderstandi- Roth: I hear ya' loud and clear. You come in here and tell me what I'm supposed to be capable of? I know damn well how good I bowl, and I know I did it right by God.
Agent Belmonte: See, I just don't buy that. We've checked hundreds of bowler's stats, and you want to tell me you're the single outlier? It ain't possible, unless of course… Roth: I see what this is about. You're really gonna sit there in your fancy ol' suit and all and tell me I'm a cheat?
Agent Belmonte: A cheat's rubbing it in, I am just saying that whether you were aware of it or not- Roth: I couldn't live myself to besmirch the beautiful game like that, I got here because of my damn work ethic. I came down to the alley and bowled night and day to get where I am.
Agent Belmonte: So you really want to sell me the idea that you just somehow are better than the people on the PBA tour? Those players who bowl on some of the most competitive patterns and genuinely understand each facet there is to the game? You’re just that much better, huh?
Roth: Hell, I got the games to prove it! I spent decades perfecting my craft, and if some young buck "professionals" ain't able to roll better than me, then that's their problem, not mine.
Agent Belmonte: Just skip the bullshit and tell me how you did it Roth.
Roth: I would very much prefer Earl! If you aren't gonna listen to a word I have to say or show me a semblance of respect, then I think we're done here. I ain't going to listen to some wisecracking guy, who's got no idea what it's like to be good at something through sheer grit alone.
Agent Belmonte: Trust me, I’ve got things I’m good at Mr. Roth… Addendum SCP-8285-B: Containment Efforts Through the sheer impossibility of his achievements, it was concluded that SCP-8285 had been capable of high class reality bending. Due to SCP-8285 having retired, containment measures were initially deemed unnecessary, though following an appeal by Agent Belmonte, the following containment protocol was put into place.
Due to numerous witness accounts certifying SCP-8285’s achievements during his amateur career, it was imperative that these accounts were contested. Amnestic usage was not only recommended, but necessary to prevent any potential threat to the veil posed by the publication of SCP-8285’s accomplishments.
A report was published, containing information pertaining to SCP-8285 having engaged in fraud throughout his bowling career. Pre-existing records were contested and altered to reflect the illegitimacy of SCP-8285’s achievements. The fact that SCP-8285 was highly unathletic and never was capable of the high level of bowling that he has claimed was to be reinforced.
Following the publication of the report, SCP-8285 was issued a life-time ban from the local bowling alley, and various awards granted to SCP-8285 were rescinded, including the “Blairsville Committed Citizen Award”, awarded for SCP-8285’s contributions to the local community over the decades.
Active containment of SCP-8285 himself is still deemed unnecessary. SCP-8285's reclusive lifestyle meant there was minimal threat to the veil, and due to his now disgraced social status, his impact on the local townspeople was minimal at best.
Individuals who had previously recounted SCP-8285’s career, have since been convinced SCP-8285 bowled illegitimately and have refused contact with SCP-8285.
SCP-8285 continues to deny the allegations put against him and has challenged the reality of these newly created memories and records, although he has thusfar failed to regain his reputation, and if anything, has actively hurt his social status in the community of Blairsville.
Addendum SCP-8285-C: Incident Report 17/09/2005 On the night of the 17th of September 2005, SCP-8285 forced his entry into the Blairsville bowling alley. While Jason Troup was still present on the premises, he only noticed SCP-8285 after he had begun bowling. When Troup confronted SCP-8285, he was told that he would prove all of them wrong. Troup attempted to deescalate the situation, after having contacted the local police department.
SCP-8285 recorded the game as it was being played. During this time, SCP-8285 recorded 0 strikes and marked numerous frames as invalid or for “0” points, and has at least worsened his physical condition during play, spraining his knee and dislocating his hip.
SCP-8285 was subsequently transported to the hospital, before being discharged the same night. SCP-8285 was guided back to his home and told to rest; a police report was filed, but Troup refused to press charges.
Addendum SCP-8285-D: Apology Letter To the Roth Estate, We are saddened at the death of Earl Roth (  08/02/2006). We offer our condolences for the loss and wish to formally apologize for the investigative report detailing Roth’s early bowling career as having been plagued by fraudulent behavior.
This report would no longer have been published according to our modern investigative standard.
The responsible parties however acted within our guidelines for due diligence at the time of publication. No disciplinary action will be taken.
A public service announcement detailing the inaccuracy of the report will be posted soon.
We apologize for any harm this may have caused.
Blairsville Sports Curated Press Footnotes 1. A perfect game in bowling consists of only rolling strikes, leading to a score of 300.
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