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To: Researcher Nyquist moc.223pcs|tsiuqyn#moc.223pcs|tsiuqyn From: Head Researcher Montague moc.223pcs|eugatnom#moc.223pcs|eugatnom Subject: Welcome to Site-322!
First of all, I wanted to say welcome to Site-322. Really excited to have yet another Ivy League graduate on the team. I’m just informing you that you will be covering SCP-8034 for me while I’m away. If you have any questions feel free to shoot me an email, I’d be happy to provide you assistance while I’m on vacation!
FYI: Technical is beta testing some new caption software at our site. If you have any issues, ask them.
Regards, Head Researcher Montague ITEM: SCP-8034 LEVEL 2/8034 CLASS: euclid restricted DISRUPTION CLASS: vlam SCP-8034 is to be contained at Site-322 in a steel shipping container fitted with a SRA attached to the anomalous vehicle's roof. All requests for neutralization from SCP-8034-1 are to be denied.
SCP-8034 has been allowed one wall-mounted speaker that continuously plays a praying mantis hiss as a comfort item.
SCP-8034 refers to a 1983 Mitsubishi Chariot compact minivan.
SCP-8034 is operated by an artificial general intelligence bot (SCP-8034-1) that communicates through an 180 mm x 100mm CRT computer monitor. The monitor is housed in the double-DIN radio slot of the anomaly’s dashboard. The lower half of a Motorola Razr mobile flip phone has been mounted directly adjacent to the monitor and functions as a keyboard for users to interact with SCP-8034-1. SCP-8034-1 will only communicate through text displayed on the monitor.
When the occupant's death will occur within the week SCP-8034 will teleport from its default resting location. It is believed this location is an extra-temporal Dave & Buster's.
SCP-8034 will appear approximately 3 - 5 miles from an individual and begin to immediately drive towards them. A trigger to the anomaly appearing before an individual, other than its approaching death, has not been concretely determined. However, most reports have suggested that someone requested transport through a rideshare application.
Once the individual enters the minivan, SCP-8034-1 will offer to instantly kill the individual. The occupant is then prompted to tap the “Answer” button for yes or the "Hang-up" button for no on the attached Razr keyboard.
If the individual taps the answer button they will immediately disappear from known, baseline reality.
If the individual does not agree it is teleported outside the vehicle and back to its original location prior to the interaction. Following its return, the individual has not been known to survive longer than a week.
The glove compartment of SCP-8034 contains organic tissue and bone anatomically similar in size and shape to human mouth-parts. Upon investigation (SEE AD-3), researchers no longer believe it to be associated with SCP-8034-1. Research into the purpose of this tissue and its reason for existing is still ongoing.
The following is a transcription of an interview between Researcher Nyquist and SCP-8034-1 within its containment chamber at Site-322. The researcher has opened the driver-side door but remains standing outside the vehicle.
R: Excuse me, are you able to hear me?
T: *Hic* Y.
R: I am stating for the record that SCP-8034-1 has displayed asterisks H-I-C asterisks on the monitor and that this was not an audible sound. I’m only to assume that this is its name.
R: Thank you for confirming. H.I.C. Do you know where you are, currently?
T: I am Terminal.
R: H.I.C, you are not at an airport terminal. You are located in a shipping container inside SCP Foundation Site-322. Let the record note that the A.I. has poor sentence structure and likely has poor global-positioning capabilities.
T: No, my name is Terminal; dumbass. [REDACTED]° [REDACTED]´[REDACTED]" *Hic* R: *Ahem* SkipCAP Note: *Ahem* was an audible sound.
T: Am I dead? Did I do it?
R: My apologies, Terminal. You are not dead. Where do the occupants who press the “Answer Call” button go?
T: How am I to know? When they disappear, I return to the Dave & Buster's. Immobilized on a raffle stage next to a sign that says “Win Me”. This is my death. The only sound is the droning hiss. *hic* R: Why is there a droning hiss?
• • T: It's from a game next to my stage. It’s called “Blow me and find out”.
R: Please refrain from insulting me, Terminal. I’m required by Foundation protocol to interview you.
T: No, it’s true. It’s a giant, plastic I think, praying mantis ear.
R: Hmm, and what are the win conditions of this game?
T: I’ve never found out. *Hic* R: *Sigh* SkipCAP Note: *Sigh* was an audible sound.
R: Let’s refocus. The individuals that you, essentially, kill. Do they show up at the Dave & Buster’s?
T: There is no one there. Weren’t you listening? I don’t know where they go. It’s just me, and the big ear. Two mantises in a watch. But it can’t read and I can’t talk. *hic* So it’s just me.
SkipCap Note: A beeping pager is heard.
R: Thank you for your time Terminal. We can pick this up at a later date.
T: You’re coming back?
[END LOG] SCP-8034-1 text and researcher audio captured by SkipCAP Software Beta v.023.1] Note: SCP-8034 later requested a speaker playing a recreation of the sound effect from “Blow me and Find Out” on a continuous loop. This was approved by the site director.
R: This is Researcher Nyquist, November 7th the time is…15:00. Individual log entry, miscellaneous note, remember to bring lunch tomorrow. Cafeteria food is, subpar.
R: I’ve completed the initial interview with SCP-8034-1 and the inspection of SCP-8034.
Action items moving forward are to begin testing to further develop an understanding of its capabilities.
R: Curious if the location of its disappearing occupants can be determined. End Log.
SkipCAP Note: A button is half pressed.
R: Stay focused and do this by the book. I can’t help but see promotion on the horizon.
This existential burden of care has been unwillingly thrust onto my shoulders. I am a reluctant Atlas. If I solve this afterlife equation, Montague might as well stay on vacation forever. Hold it steady girl.
R ..Oh SkipCAP Note: Log Recorded.
[Caption provided by SkipCAP Software Beta v.024.3] CASE TITLE: SCP-8034 Inspector: Researcher Helen Nyquist Anomalous: Y Date (DD/MM/YYYY) & Time: 06/11/2024, 05:00 UTC-[REDACTED] Site#: 322 Make Model Color Year Condition Mistubishi Chariot (Space Wagon 4WD) Grey 1983 Fair RELEVANT FINDINGS: A shifting number of “Pabst Blue Ribbon” brand beer bottles found discarded in the rear cabin.
Headlights of vehicle remain on in addition to the CRT Monitor despite the fact that the vehicle’s 2.0L engine is not running.
No batteries for either the CRT Monitor or the vehicle itself were discovered The glove compartment of SCP-8034 contains organic tissue and bone anatomically similar in size and shape to human mouth-parts.
Neither vocal cords nor esophagus discovered upon interior inspection.
The tissue appears to be moving in a fashion similar to mouthing words.
Motions remain consistent and repetitive.
The words the tissue appear to be continuously mouthing are “kiss me” -HN require further confirmation.
ADDITIONAL NOTES: During the inspection SCP-8034-1 was asked why there were mouth parts in the glove compartment. Entity responded “There’s a what, where?” Mouth parts have been determined to not play any role in SCP-8034-1’s alcohol consumption.
Research into the purpose and reason for the mouth parts existence is ongoing and inconclusive at time of inspection.
Researcher Nyquist | Confirmation of Findings To: Head Researcher Montague moc.223pcs|eugatnom#moc.223pcs|eugatnom From: Researcher Nyquist moc.223pcs|tsiuqyn#moc.223pcs|tsiuqyn Subject: SCP-8034 Request for Confirmation of Findings Date: 06/11/24 Head Researcher Montague, • • • • ◦ ◦ ▪ • • • I hope your vacation is going well, I’m reaching out for confirmation on my findings regarding SCP-8034. Please see attached .MP4 below. Do these look like any discernible words to you?
Regards, Researcher Nyquist [Attachment Missing From Log] To: Researcher Nyquist moc.223pcs|tsiuqyn#moc.223pcs|tsiuqyn From: Head Researcher Montague moc.223pcs|eugatnom#moc.223pcs|eugatnom Subject: Re:SCP-8034 Request for Confir- Date: 08/11/24 Wow, that is….wow.
I was just on my way out to take part in the “Pillar of Salt Excursion: An exploration of load-bearing aestheticism through the medium of pretzels” when I caught your email. I’ll just head to the bar instead.
I believe it’s just repeating the words “Kiss Me”.
Thanks for the nightmare, Head Researcher Montague Test Number: T8034-1 Subject: D-4273 Researcher: Helen Nyquist Date: 10/11/2024 Valuable Equipment: Hume Counter, SkipCAP MOLECAM -(Ammendment by Legal) Purpose: Define SCP-8034 Hume Readings and gather data on interior.
Hume Readings: INDIVIDUAL/ENVIRON.
INDIVIDUAL/ENVIRON.
D-4273/SCP-8034 Exterior 63/63 Hm D-4273/SCP-8034 Interior 55/128 Hm Findings: The interior of SCP-8034 is not effected by the SRA. SCP-8034 cannot terminate its occupant unless its death is predetermined. My theory is that SCP-8034 can only look so far ahead. That amount of time is unclear.
Open Transcript T8034-1 is conducted inside of SCP-8034’s shipping container. The researcher is to monitor the test through the closed circuit surveillance camera in SCP-8034’s containment chamber. As well as via live feed from the personnel camera attached to the D-class’s chest.
SkipCap Note: A metal door is heard opening and shutting with a loud bang.
R: D-4273, please carryout your initial instructions.
D-4273: It smells like….what is that…Pabst?
SkipCap Note: A piercing beep bounces off the steel walls.
Skipcap Note: A car door opens and shuts SkipCap Note: A dull beep sounds.
SkipCap Log: Researcher has logged [Hume Readings] R: D-4273, please observe the monitor.
D-4273: There’s just a blinking rectangle, there’s nothing else on the screen.
R: Please tap the answer button on the attached mobile phone.
SkipCap Note: A button is pressed D-4273: Nothing.
R: D-4273, please ask it if it is going to kill you.
D-4273: What?
R: D-4273, if you do not comply in five seconds a guard will enter the container and terminate you. Five, F- D-4273: Fuc-, AREYOUGOINGTOKILLME?!
SkipCap Note: Rapid breathing is heard.
T: *Hic* N. Unable to prompt.
SkipCap Note: A sigh of relief.
R: Please ask it why.
D-4273:: W- Why?
T: &PrmptChk+0 x 0 0 3 E Traceback (most recent call last): File "» n d e f i ̵͚̣̇ e d u n d e f i n e ", line 1, in <module> f = open('data.x x x ' ',) FileNotFoundError: [Error #2] Predetermination not Found [End Log] Caption provided by SkipCAP Software Beta v.024.7 8 days following Test: T8034-1, an incident occurred in D-4273’s cell which led to the death of one Foundation security officer and a D-Class. A SkipCAP MOLECAM was later discovered on the D-Class's corpse after the incident.
This initially went undiscovered due to it being the size of a single water molecule.
D-4273: I’m telling you, I almost died. Like, the lady said I was going to get “terminated’.
SkipCAP Note: D-3012 seems to be meditating.
D-3012: A lot of people who come here Ben, are just passing through. Pretty much all of us die here.
Ben: This is a prison Sam. This isn’t some existential transient place. It’s a prison. AND- they don’t even tell you…they don’t even tell you! The guy that offered me a- he called it…a work program. He didn’t say, “Oh, you’re signing up to go to a prison!”. They just say “It’s. Dangerous.”. No, a crosswalk is dangerous… SkipCAP Note: Ben paces around the cell.
Sam: Yeah, I’ve been here Ben..like…2 years, I think. It’s tough for everyone. You’ve been here what, a month? There’s no getting out of here. That's a hard truth. I've accepted that, and I hope that you can. Try to settle in and make the best of it, I guess.
Ben: Make the best of what? A pillow that’s nailed to the floor? Why would they nail it down? Isn’t it more dangerous to bring nails into the equation then just leaving a pillow alone?! They offered me 80k, they told me it “was dangerous”. Yeah bullshit, I won’t make it long enough to see that 80k. They put me in prison for being poor and I’m never going to even see my kid again. What a fucking nightmare.
SkipCAP Note: Sam remains in meditation.
Sam: They shouldn’t put you on anything too murder-ee if you didn’t come from a real prison. Look, however you decide to deal with this it’s not going to change. How is freaking out serving you?
Ben: It’s worth freaking out over Sam. I’m not going to move on about it. Where can I even move on to?!
SkipCap Note: A slap is heard, Ben hits the wall.
Ben: I’m gonna die, I’m going t- SkipCap Note: Walking is heard outside the cell. Two pairs of boots I think.
Sam: Shhh!
SkipCap Note: I was right. It's two guards. Guard A steps in front of Ben.
Guard A: D-4273 you are to present for testing c- Ben: NO! Let me out of here, I don’t want to be here anymore!
Guard A: When I finish this sentence you will have two seconds to comply.
Guard A: Two, O- SkipCap Note: Dust spits from the wall behind Ben, Guard A drops to the floor.
SkipCap Note: Guard B Immediately fires.
SkipCap Note: Ben.
[DATA EXPUNGED BY LEGAL TEAM] SkipCAP Note: Sam begins shaking and crying in the empty cell.
Caption service provided by SkipCAP Beta v0.26.00 Test Number: T8034-2 Subject: D-3012 Researcher: Helen Nyquist Date: 23/11/2024 Valuable Equipment: None.
Purpose: Determine the location SCP-8034 occupants arrive at after hitting "Answer" T8034-2 is conducted inside of SCP-8034. The researcher has written and signed along with MTF-Agent Prion a document stating D-3012 will be summarily executed via firing squad on November 24th.
R: D-3012, please carry out your initial instructions.
Skipcap Note: A car door opens and shuts T: Would you like to be freed from your Dave & Buster's?
T: I must inform the occupant that by agreeing they will be instantly and painlessly killed and that you are able to disagree.
T: Tap “Answer” for YES; tap “Hang-up” for NO.
R: D-3012, It’s your choice.
D-3012: You have a literal gun to my head.
Skipcap Note: A button is pressed.
Skipcap Note: There i- [End Log] Findings: All Foundation equipment within SCP-8034 disappeared along with 42 empty Pabst Blue Ribbon cans. GPS coordinates stopped being transmitted after D-3012 tapped “Answer”.
Location of D-3012 is unknown and subject is assumed dead.
Tests Numbered: T8034-3 through T8034-51 Purpose: Determine the location SCP-8034 occupants arrive at after hitting "Answer" Results: Inconclusive [[DATA EXPUNGED]] -ETHICS COMMITTEE ETHICS COMMITTEE | REMINDER To: Site-322 moc.223pcs|223s#moc.223pcs|223s From: Committee Notifier moc.pcs|reifitonmmoc#moc.pcs|reifitonmmoc Subject: D-Class Reminder Date: 21/12/24 This is just a friendly reminder to all Foundation staff present that our D-class are a limited resource. Please review our D-class guidelines HERE.
We have found present; the frivolous use of 47 D-Class at Site-322 by an individual who will go unnamed. For the moment.
We ask that the Site Director find the source of this testing and conduct a very thorough review of their work.
Happy Holidays, The Ethics Committee Date: 25/12/24 [The following is a transcription of an interview between Researcher Nyquist and SCP-8034-1 in its containment chamber at Site-322.
R: Terminal, I’ve spent all my goodwill. Be my bank and just answer my question.
T: Your bank is rupt.
R: Oh my god. I'm screwed SkipCAP Note: A can is opened.
T: Maybe they go nowhere, you should be telling me the answer. Scientist. You can’t do your job and so I still suffer. So who's really doing the screwing?
R: Why is there a tongue in your glovebox?
T: A weird time to ask that question.
R: I think I just want an answer to any question.
T: What is it doing there is a better one. I can’t talk, or drink, or taste with it.
R: But did you know it was there?
T: Not until it was pointed out by you, no.
SkipCAP Note: There is silence for a time.
SkipCAP Note: … SkipCAP Note: … SkipCAP Note: I think I’m scared.
SkipCAP v.024.7: We all are.
R: I think I’m fucked.
T: We all are 322 IT | NOTICE To: Site-322 moc.223pcs|223s#moc.223pcs|223s From: 322 IT Department moc.223pcs|22EERTI#moc.223pcs|22EERTI Subject: SkipCAP Notice Date: 28/12/24 Hey Folks, The caption software you all have affectionately deemed “Skippy” has begun to show early warning signs of sentience. We’re going to have to terminate and start from scratch before this gets too out of hand.
Thanks for your participation!
FOUND. IT DEPARTMENT -322 File activity Log 0217202507:51UTC-[REDACTED]: HR Montague removed: Researcher Nyquist from -approvedPersonnel, « SCP-8033 | SCP-8034 | SCP-8035 » ‡ Licensing / Citation Cite this page as: "SCP-8034" by itsbramble!, from the SCP Wiki. Source: https://scpwiki.com/ scp-8034. Licensed under CC-BY-SA.
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