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Recovered Video Transcript 12/09/18 Recovered Video Transcription 12/09/18: Speaker One: Ethics Committee Member, Kristine Klaus.
Speaker Two: Ethics Committee Member, Nicholas Klaus.
<Begin Log> Kristine Klaus: Was this your idea?
Nicholas Klaus: Nice to see you too.
Kristine Klaus: I'm serious, Nick, were you the one who drafted this?
Nicholas Klaus: I was.
Kristine Klaus: Why would you do that?
Nicholas Klaus: Why not?
Kristine Klaus: Why did you write a proposal for the Foundation secretly allocating how many thousands of dollars to getting "ethical staff" Christmas gifts under the guise of an anomaly?
Nicholas Klaus: Well not just Christmas; Hoffman celebrates Haunkkah, Goodwin celebrates Kwanzaa, and I'm pretty sure Kramer and Bell celebrate that weird holiday they made up when they were both drunk last summer.
Kristine Klaus: That's not the point, Nick, and you know it!
Nicholas Klaus: So what is the point?
Kristine Klaus: The point is, why would allocate so many funds to this, why would you try to get us to fake yet another anomaly? Why would do you do any of the things you listed in your document?
Nicholas Klaus: Because it's nice.
Kristine Klaus: That's it!?
Nicholas Klaus: Yes sis, that's it. No other motive, no gain for me, that's it.
It's nice.
Kristine Klaus: Please tell me you don't actually plan on submitting this.
Nicholas Klaus: Of course not.
Kristine Klaus: Oh thank god.
Nicholas Klaus: I already submitted it.
Kristine Klaus: For fuck's sake!
Nicholas Klaus: Language! And besides, there's no harm in it, I already ran it past Horrigan and he didn't see anything wrong with it.
Kristine Klaus: I still say it's a bad idea… for starters, just look at the people on your list.
Nicholas Klaus: My nice list?
Kristine Klaus: I'm not gonna call it that… I mean, you list Ibrahim Moses on here.
Nicholas Klaus: So?
Kristine Klaus: So? So!? Dr. Moses is the reason why the Euphrates Protocol exists. He's the reason why "the festival" happened at Site-84!
Nicholas Klaus: He's also the reason why we prevented the Serpent's Hand from taking that shipwreck, and why we still have a partnership with Horizon.
I say he deserves something nice.
Kristine Klaus: Fine, I'll ignore that one… who else is on here… Lilian Mar… Jesus Christ, Nick you can't possibly be serious… Nicholas Klaus: What's the problem? She deserves something nice too. You know she was once given, as a Christmas gift mind you, a bar of women's soap and told to take a shower because she smelled awful.
Kristine Klaus: No amount of gingerbread and candy canes are going to fix that.
Nicholas Klaus: Maybe, but it might bring some comfort, if only for a second.
Kristine Klaus: I still say that this is a bad idea, and somewhat distasteful actually. And how are you going to handle the dreams of "sugarplums and fairies?" Nicholas Klaus: I'm working with the Department Regulating Engrams, and Amnestic Management.
Kristine Klaus: Of course you are.
Nicholas Klaus: Can I assume that you're going to vote "no" on this when the resolution appears at tomorrow's meeting?
Kristine Klaus: Look, I'm not just disagreeing with you for the sake of disagreeing with you, but this is an awful idea and a waste of time. You're not going to change anything, and the world will continue to be bleak.
Nicholas Klaus: Heh, knew you would say that.
<Nicholas Klaus sighs and adjusts his tie> Nicholas Klaus: Say, do you remember when were kids?
Kristine Klaus: What?
Nicholas Klaus: When were kids, I was maybe 9, and you were 12. It was Christmas Day and— Kristine Klaus: Of course I remember, I was… You know what? I don't even want to hear it. <sighs deeply> Do what you will, just leave me out of it.
Nicholas Klaus: Merry Christmas to you too.
<End Log> Description: SCP-8495 is the current designation for a rampant phenomenon affecting Foundation personnel. SCP-8495 consists of two separate anomalies, henceforth designated SCP-8495-1 events, and SCP-8495-2 manifestations. Although all current and former Foundation personnel have the potential to be the subject of an SCP-8495-1 event, their likelihood of experiencing an event can increase when a number of factors are met.
The subject has behaved morally, and/or ethically.
The subject does not have close acquaintances or family.
The subject has at least one positive memory, current and/or former, regarding the winter holidays.
The subject has suffered major traumatic event(s) while employed by the Foundation.
The subject has been employed by the Foundation for at least five years.
Additional factors are currently being considered as possible causes. Moreover, it is currently unknown how many of the above factors must be met for an SCP-8495-1 event to trigger, or if some factors increase the probability more than others.
SCP-8495-1 events typically trigger on or around December 25, however they can also occur as late as December 31, or in rare instances, the subject's birthday. During an event the subject will sleep for approximately 8-10 hours and will feel fully refreshed upon awakening. Moreover, the subject will experience between three to four pleasant dreams, usually with undertones relating to winter and/or winter holidays. The subject's sleep cannot be interrupted, nor will the subject react to stimuli that would usually result in them awakening.
Attempts to view subjects experiencing an SCP-8495-1 event are typically unsuccessful.
Viewers report an extreme sense of unease and discomfort, which will often result in them leaving the presence of the affected individual(s). Furthermore, auditory and/or visual recording devices will cease all function, and will not be able to reactivated until conclusion of the event.
Once a subject awakens from an SCP-8495-1 event, they will report that their room smells vaguely of rosemary, cinnamon, vanilla, or gingerbread. Placed in clear view of the subject, usually on the floor, or their furniture, will be a small amount of wrapped presents, henceforth designated as SCP-8495-2 instances. SCP-8495-2 instances are typically physical objects with an amount of significance to the receiver, however they can rarely manifest as obscure concepts, mental concepts, memories, or biological modifications. When this occurs a note will be left with the other SCP-8495-2 instance(s) explaining the change in the subject's physical/mental state.
A list of notable SCP-8495-2 instances can be found below. Please note that this list is not to be considered comprehensive as events and research are still ongoing.
Recovered Video Transcript 12/11/18 Recovered Video Transcription 12/11/18: Speaker One: Kristine Klaus.
Speaker Two: Nicholas Klaus.
<Begin Log> • • • • • <Nicholas Klaus hums Jingle Bells to himself while he prepares a plate of cookies, and pours milk into a mug shaped like a reindeer's head> Kristine Klaus: What are you doing?
Nicholas Klaus: What, no hi?
Kristine Klaus: Hi. What are you doing?
Nicholas Klaus: I'm leaving a snack for Santa.
Kristine Klaus: The only "Santa" we have is that naked cannibalistic freak.
Nicholas Klaus: Pessimism, at this time of year? Bah humbug!
Kristine Klaus: Your stupid little motion passed by the way.
Nicholas Klaus: Yes, I already I know, Tejani told me.
Kristine Klaus: Is Tejani going to get something?
Nicholas Klaus: <mutters> Not after Fresno.
Kristine Klaus: You're jubilant, it's terrifying.
Nicholas Klaus: Nice to see you too.
Kristine Klaus: Just so you know, I voted no on your motion.
Nicholas Klaus: I know, you said you would, didn't you?
Kristine Klaus: You are unbelievable.
Nicholas Klaus: Believe it!
Kristine Klaus: You realize that you're acting childish.
Nicholas Klaus: So, it would appear.
Kristine Klaus: You can deny it all you want, it still doesn't change the fact that you did something incredibly stupid.
Nicholas Klaus: Stupid and harmful?
Kristine Klaus: I-look fine, I'll give you that one, there was nothing "harmful" about your proposal. I mean, except maybe harmful for the annual budget, but that money was going to waste anyway.
Nicholas Klaus: So why'd you try to veto it?
Kristine Klaus: Because it's a waste of time. I said it before I'll say it again, you can't fix the world's problems with gingerbread. There are real things that we could be focusing on, and this isn't one of them.
Nicholas Klaus: I suspect that there's a deeper reason that you don't want to let me in on.
Kristine Klaus: I have no idea what you're talking about.
Nicholas Klaus: Moving on, you don't think Zarah deserves something nice?
Or Walter? Or Joseph?
Kristine Klaus: What Liaison Chang, Dr. Pembroke, and Dr. Zemeckis "deserve" isn't my, or the Committee's, problem.
Nicholas Klaus: You're gonna get a stocking full of coal.
Kristine Klaus: I wish you would take this more seriously.
<Nicholas Klaus adjusts his tie, leans back in his chair, and takes off his reading glasses> Nicholas Klaus: You want me to take it seriously, fine.
<N.Klaus clears his throat> Nicholas Klaus: Look I've been doing a lot of thinking, like a lot, and I realize that there are people here who haven't gotten to be people in a long time. I'm talking about everyone here, not just here at Site-29, but everyone who works for the Foundation. And yeah, I get it, we're not going to win any Mother Teresa awards any time soon, but those of us who <pauses> are a little less rotten than others, should have that recognized and be reminded that they're allowed to be people, and be loved.
Kristine Klaus: And what good is any of that when the world continues to be dreadful?
Nicholas Klaus: <sighs deeply> Remember that Christmas when I was 9 and you were 12?
Kristine Klaus: You're just going to keep asking me that? Fine, yes, of course I remember. The car broke down, Mom was in the process of divorcing Dad, and Grandma had just died. How you forgot any of that is beyond me.
Nicholas Klaus: I didn't forget. I just thought that—- Kristine Klaus: You thought what, Nick, what did you think? <sighs> You thought you'd devote time and resources to singing Jingle Bells, and baking gingerbread? And what in God's name does the one of the worst Christmases of our lives have to do with this!?
Nicholas Klaus: I did all of this because of that Christmas. It was nice, if only for a little bit. <pauses> Is that why you didn't vote "yes" on it, because you don't remember the same things I do?
Kristine Klaus: I remember the important things, Nick.
Nicholas Klaus: It was very important.
Kristine Klaus: <sighs deeply and shakes her head> When you finally come to your senses, let me know.
<End Log> Subject: Ethics Committee Liaison Zarah Chang.
Instances Received: One bag of gummy worms. One plush golden retriever with the pansexual pride flag embroidered on its back. One photograph of Chang with her late partner in front of an antique steam locomotive. One note simply reading, "I still love you Zar." Chang reportedly began to cry violently at the sight of it, and claimed that she recognized the handwriting.
Notes: Chang tied the gummy worms into several small streamers and hung them from the walls of her office. She reported that her partner used to do so every Christmas, much to her annoyance. Additionally, Chang spent the rest of the day watching Christmas movies, and listening to the soundtrack from The Lion King.
Subject: Dr. Ibrahim Moses.
Instances Received: One heavily worn and tattered teddy bear.
Notes: Dr. Moses attempted to ensure that he was out of view of other personnel before embracing the bear, whispering to it, crying softly, and singing to it in Arabic. Dr. Moses later vehemently denied any such action, and claimed that if he had acted as such it was only to make others believe that he was engaging in a joke.
Subject: Lillian Marley.
Instances Received: Two bags of chocolate covered pretzels. One blanket with patterns of dancing reindeer on it. One music box containing solid gold figures of a ballerina and a nutcracker, which played Waltz of the Snowflakes upon its crank being turned. One hand painted Christmas card depicting a pair of children building an elephant out of snow.
Notes: Although Marley did not immediately react upon receiving the items, she did consume both bags of pretzels, and smiled briefly upon turning the music box's crank. Marley's state has not improved further.
Subject: Agent Walter Lang.
Instances Received: One plush rabbit holding a heart-shaped box containing dark chocolate. One photograph of him and his deceased wife standing in front of a castle in England. One copy of the Velveteen Rabbit, with the words, "You made me real Walt, I'll love you forever," written on the inside front cover. One wedding ring.
Notes: Despite holding both the plush and the book for approximately two hours, Agent Lang surrendered both to containment staff and vehemently requested to never see either again. However, Agent Lang requested to keep the wedding ring, and kissed it gently before placing it on his finger.
Subject: Dr. Alto Clef.
Instances Received: One plush deer with Christmas ornaments hung from its antlers. One koa wood ukulele with an engraving on its back depicting a man in a wide-brimmed hat holding hands with a young girl with antlers and cloven hooves. One small lump of coal.
Notes: "There is something that I should say about all this. But I'll abstain for the holiday." - Dr. Clef.
Addendum: Following the initial uploading of this article, one small wrapped present was found on each of the desks of the SCP-8495 research personnel. The presents, though wrapped differently and addressed to different personnel members, all contained an identical instance of SCP-8495-2. The instances consisted of coffee mugs reading "World's Best Researcher," and personalized notes wishing the recipient a "Merry Christmas," and a "sincere thank you for everything your wonderful community does." Recovered Video Transcript 12/26/18 Recovered Video Transcription 12/26/18: Speaker One: Kristine Klaus.
Speaker Two: Nicholas Klaus.
<Begin Log> Kristine Klaus: I can't fucking believe that you gave a handcrafted ukulele to Doctor fucking Clef.
Nicholas Klaus: I also gave him coal, your argument is moot.
Kristine Klaus: You're 40 years old, can you at least try to act like an adult?
<Nicholas Klaus says nothing but blows a noisemaker at her> Kristine Klaus: I'll take that as a no.
Nicholas Klaus: Come on don't be like that, I got you something too.
Kristine Klaus: What is it?
Nicholas Klaus: I got you, dearest sister, a Lavazza coffee machine, and a bag of real Italian beans.
Kristine Klaus: You did?
Nicholas Klaus: I did!
Kristine Klaus: How did you know that I wanted… How did you know?
Nicholas Klaus: I know these things, I know many, many things.
Kristine Klaus: Fine, don't tell me. Just know that I didn't get you anything.
Nicholas Klaus: <smiles> I knew you wouldn't.
Kristine Klaus: I'll buy you something later.
Nicholas Klaus: Don't worry about it.
Kristine Klaus: Well now I feel like a— Nicholas Klaus: Like a Scrooge?
Kristine Klaus: That's not the word I was looking for but it's not entirely incorrect. <groans> Are you going to do this next Christmas too?
Nicholas Klaus: I'll keep doing it as long as they keep funding it.
<Nicholas Klaus unwraps a candy cane and begins to break it into pieces> Nicholas Klaus: So, why did you try to veto it, and don't give me that "waste of time and resources," crap.
Kristine Klaus: <sighs> Because it won't change anything, Nick, that Christmas you keep bringing up? I've been thinking about it actually.
Nicholas Klaus: How come?
Kristine Klaus: Because it was a distraction, it was that a nice distraction, but still a distraction. The car wouldn't be able to be fixed until Friday, when mom had to work on Tuesday. Dad still left mom for that… person. And our dirtbag cousins were already dividing up Grandma's assets before she was even cold. After Christmas everything went back to normal. How you forgot any of that is beyond me.
Nicholas Klaus: I didn't forget, and yeah it was a shit year. But you still got your Walkman, and I still got my Lionel train set.
Kristine Klaus: <chuckles softly> And Mom, though she was God knows how busy, spent the whole day with us, watched Charlie Brown on the couch with us, and made us that green bean casserole you loved.
Nicholas Klaus: The green bean thing? I hated it. I thought you loved it.
<Kristine Klaus laughs and shakes her head> Kristine Klaus: What? You serious? I could never stand the taste of that, I just ate it because I thought you liked it! <sighs> I still don't really get what your point in all this was.
<Nicholas Klaus begins to eat the candy cane pieces> Kristine Klaus: You have done that since you were three years old.
Nicholas Klaus: And I'll do still do it if I live to 103.
<Nicholas Klaus smiles and offers Kristine Klaus a piece, she accepts and begins to eat it> Nicholas Klaus: You know as well as I that you can't fix problems with kindness, and Christmas goodies, but it's still nice to do something for someone. Someone who deserves it, someone who needs it. And if even a millisecond of peace is gained from it… well, that's not nothing is it?
Kristine Klaus: That's the corniest thing you've ever said.
Nicholas Klaus: Well, it doesn't it make untrue, does it?
Kristine Klaus: <laughs softly> Do you want to watch Charlie Brown on the projector in the auditorium?
Nicholas Klaus: Thought you'd never ask. You go get the projector warmed up, I'll make us some cocoa.
<End Log> ‡ Licensing / Citation Cite this page as: "SCP-8495" by DrYossarian, from the SCP Wiki. Source: https://scpwiki.com/ scp-8495. Licensed under CC-BY-SA.
For information on how to use this component, see the License Box component. To read about licensing policy, see the Licensing Guide.
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