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Description: SCP-5283 is an immovable, third-party Nerf N-Strike Elite Universal suction dart stuck to the ceiling of Site-37's central cafeteria.
Addendum-1: Removal Attempts Attempt Method Outcome #1 Researcher Harbor Wilson attempts to pull SCP-5283 from the ceiling.
Failure #2 A different staff member attempts to pull SCP-5283 from the ceiling.
Failure #3-8 Dr. Wilson directs six other staff members to attempt to remove SCP-5283 Failure #9 Dr. Wilson attempts to cut SCP-5283 from the ceiling using a knife.
Failure #10 Dr. Wilson attempts to cut SCP-5283 from the ceiling using a motorized saw.
Failure #11 Dr. Wilson attempts to cut SCP-5283 from the ceiling using a chainsaw.
Failure #12 Dr. Wilson attempts to cut SCP-5283 from the ceiling using a PLS.1 Failure #13-16 Dr. Wilson attempts to remove the entire ceiling tile SCP-5283 is attached to.2 Failure #17 Dr. Wilson attempts to burn SCP-5283 using a lighter.
Failure #18 Dr. Wilson attempts to melt SCP-5283 using a flamethrower.
Failure #19 Dr. Wilson attempts to destroy SCP-5283 using three minuscule detonation charges.
Failure #20-23 Dr. Wilson attempts to destroy SCP-5283 with a shotgun.
Failure #24 Dr. Wilson attempts to destabilize the local reality around SCP-5283 to result in its disconnection from the ceiling.
Failure #25 Dr. Wilson prays for SCP-5283's removal.
Failure #26 Dr. Wilson prays for his removal.
N/A #27 Dr. Wilson spends approximately 78 minutes shouting at SCP-5283, demanding it fall off of the ceiling.
Failure #28- ███ Dr. Wilson attempts to punch SCP-5283 off of the ceiling.
Fuck This Failure Further attempts are pending.
To: Senior Researcher Rebecca Larson (tenpics.eruces|r_nosral#tenpics.eruces| r_nosral) From: Researcher Harbor Wilson (tenpics.eruces|h_nosliw#tenpics.eruces|h_nosliw) Subject: THE DAMN NERF DART I say this in the most respectful way possible: What the hell do you expect me to do about the nerf dart? Seriously. I have tried everything. Manpower. Blades. Saws. Fire - no, you do not need to remind me of how big of a failure that was. Detonation charges. I even spent over an hour shouting at the damn thing! No matter what I do, it doesn't budge. Nothing! I feel like I'm going insane. I've become a laughingstock here. The guy who "can't even move a nerf dart." It's degrading.
If you have any ideas, I'd love to hear them. Because I am this fucking close to submitting my resignation letter.
To: Researcher Harbor Wilson (tenpics.eruces|h_nosliw#tenpics.eruces|h_nosliw) From: Senior Researcher Rebecca Larson (tenpics.eruces|r_nosral#tenpics.eruces| r_nosral) Subject: RE: THE DAMN NERF DART Have you tried asking it nicely?
Following this email correspondence, Dr. Wilson was seen walking into Site-37's central cafeteria while muttering the phrase "What kind of bullshit idea is that?" He then reportedly walked over to SCP-5283 and asked, "Can you please get off of the ceiling, SCP-5283?" He was immediately met with the laughter of most nearby staff - much to Wilson's seeming embarrassment - though it ceased moments later when SCP-5283 seemingly obliged the request, falling from the ceiling. Since its removal, all anomalous effects have ceased and SCP-5283 has been reclassified as "Neutralized." Dr. Wilson has since started seeing a Foundation therapist.
Footnotes 1. Portable Laser Saw.
2. Four separate attempts are made using; a knife, motorized saw, chainsaw, and PLS.
‡ Licensing / Citation Cite this page as: "SCP-5283" by Trintavon, from the SCP Wiki. Source: https://scpwiki.com/ scp-5283. Licensed under CC-BY-SA.
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