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Foundation agents embedded in non-human free ports are to investigate possible leads into the whereabouts of SCP-7131.
Description: SCP-7131 is the collective designation for a group of five humanoid anomalies which attacked Site-393 on the 27th of November, 2014. During this period, they engaged in widespread hostility against Foundation personnel and infrastructure, causing a containment breach in which multiple valuables were either destroyed or stolen. Details are provided below.
Security Video Log Transcript - Site 393 Date: 27/11/2014 Location: East Side Male Restroom Jr Researcher Munroe walks into the containment floor staff bathroom, enters an empty stall, closes the door, and sits on the toilet. Several minutes pass before a gurgling sound can be heard from three of the toilets, including the one Munroe is seated upon. Munroe notices the sound and looks down into the toilet.
Munroe: What the hell was in that crab-stuffed mushroom?
A diminutive humanoid emerges from the toilet cistern. It stands at a height where its face is completely level with Munroe's. The two stare at each other for several seconds before both scream loudly. The creature grabs Munroe by his collar and begins to repeatedly smack his head into the stall door until he loses consciousness. This disturbance is not noticed by site security at the time.1 Unknown: Fuck! Oh, fuck!
Two small figures can be seen exiting from the unoccupied toilets. One, hereby designated REDCAP, is a short and stocky humanoid with elongated arms, wearing only a woollen, red beanie and ragged trousers. The other, hereby designated BROWNIE, is shorter than REDCAP by about a foot, with brown and weathered skin, sunken black eyes and is wearing a tweed jacket.
A third entity, hereby designated TOLKIEN, exits the other stall dragging the unconscious body of Jr Researcher Munroe. This entity has light-green skin, large ears, and a wide mouth of sharp teeth. It is carrying a large burlap sack. The group can be heard vocalising amongst each other.
TOLKIEN: Fuck! Boss, what are we gonna do with this guy? He almost shat all over me!
BROWNIE: Worry not friend. We can adjust the plan accordingly. Tie him up and prop him up in the stall so they can’t see his legs, then lock the door.
TOLKIEN: Damn, woulda worn my lucky gaggin’ socks if I knew we was gonna be taking hostages. Gimme a hand, big guy.
TOLKIEN and REDCAP move to bind Munroe, as BROWNIE reaches into the sack, removing a sign reading “Bathroom out of order” and placing it on the door.
BROWNIE: Perfect! That should secure our exit. Right then gentlemen, we all know our roles. Good luck, and remember, don't start until you hear the alarms.
REDCAP nods slowly, whilst TOLKIEN salutes in a sarcastic manner.
TOLKIEN begins unscrewing the cover on a ventilation shaft before disappearing inside.
REDCAP hefts a large, roughly made pikestaff, almost as tall as he is. It is unclear where this weapon emerged from due to the limited angles of view available in the bathroom.
REDCAP: Alright then Wicks, let’s go ‘ave some fun, shall we?
Location: Breakroom #2, Administrative Wing Staff are seen lounging in the administrative wing breakroom, eating lunch, conversing with one another, or watching television.
Intercom: Site-393 is currently experiencing a break-in. Non-combatant personnel are to retreat to their dormitories. Squads B and C, proceed to the containment wing for the non-lethal apprehension of intruders. Squad A is to remain at their posts.
All personnel exit the breakroom. A few minutes pass before the ventilation grill on the ceiling begins to shake; the grill falls but is quickly caught by a small green hand, belonging to TOLKIEN. The entity pulls a large wad of gum from its mouth and sticks it to a corner of the grill. It then retrieves a glue stick from its backpack, rubbing it on another corner of the grill. TOLKIEN sticks the grill on the ceiling next to the vent; the grill disconnects from the glue and hangs by the gum wad for the remainder of the video.
TOLKIEN looks down at the table below it, in which a Lv4 keycard is placed. It ties a rope to its waist, weighs the other end down with a miniature anchor, and jumps out the shaft. The rope pulls taut, suspending TOLKIEN right above the table. It carefully reaches towards the keycard, before quickly grabbing it.
The intruder pockets the keycard and moves to climb up, but suddenly spots another object further away on the table: a pin lapel with the words "   Farts (Pinkeye Awareness Month)" written on it. TOLKIEN attempts to reach for it.
Location: Hallway 3, Containment Wing Agent Ejsing, Security Chief at Site-393, is alerted to the situation and has scrambled on site personnel to sweep the facility. Staff report sightings of BROWNIE and REDCAP in the site's containment wing. As a result, Security Chief Ejsing gives the order for Squads B and C to move away from the administrative wing, and instead proceed towards the containment wing in order to contain the intruders non-lethally.
BROWNIE: Oh dear. There really are a lot of them, aren’t there?
REDCAP: I can hold em here. You trot along.
BROWNIE: Of course. Stay safe.
REDCAP: What, like these blithering idiots are a challenge for me? Don't make me laugh, Wicks.
BROWNIE retreats as REDCAP begins to engage in combat with several security agents. The entities’ unorthodox fighting style and small stature proves difficult for the agents to handle, and they are swiftly incapacitated.2 Location: Breakroom #2, Administrative Wing Voice: Hey, who're you!
TOLKIEN looks over at the breakroom doorway, beneath which stands agent Bert Mason. The two stare at each other before the agent activates his radio.
Agent Mason: Control, there's a small green man in the breakroom.
Control: Extraterrestrial?
Agent Mason: Nah, those are grey.
TOLKIEN begins ascending the rope.
Agent Mason: What the— Hey!
In response to agent Mason approaching, the entity removes a stun grenade from its backpack and throws it to the ground, covering its eyes with its ears. The agent lets out a cry from the blast, stumbling backward onto the breakroom couch and covering his eyes.
The following text messages were retrieved from Director Paquette's phone following the conclusion of the incident. They were sent to Security Chief Ejsing as news of the ongoing breach reached Site-393's administrative wing.
Jan Ejsing Esjing, what's going on down there? Why haven't I been updated? Why aren't you answering your radio?
Sorry for the delay.
We’re experiencing a breach.
The site is being infiltrated by some anomalous entities.
Do they seem threatening? Should we not be evacuating?
No, we have the situation fully under control, sir. Please remain in your office and lock the door.
I’ll alert the rest of the admin staff. What type of entities are we dealing with?
Small, diminutive humanoids. One of them green. Mostly harmless.
I’m changing my earlier position. We need a full site lockdown. I’m sealing the admin floor. I want these entities captured as soon as possible. Keep them alive.
Something wrong, sir?
No. No. Just pays to stay safe. Keep me posted.
Location: IT Server Bank, Containment Wing (Euclid Section) Agents Quinn and Holly take the long route around the area of the site REDCAP is defending. They spot BROWNIE elbow-deep in the wiring of the containment wing servers.
Agent Holly: Hey! Quinn, I've got one over here.
BROWNIE produces a cow-themed walkie talkie and speaks into it.
BROWNIE: It seems I've been made. We'll be switching to plan B.
Agent Quinn: Don’t fucking move! Back away from the server, nice and slow.
BROWNIE complies, going to his knees. Quinn attempts to bind the entity's arms together but finds them too small for his standard issue restraints.
Agent Holly approaches the server rack and begins to inspect the damage.
Agent Holly: Quinn, there’s a USB stick jammed in here. It’s not Foundation issue.
Agent Quinn: Well, pull it out then. He turns to BROWNIE. We know there’s three of you, and you’re all surrounded. Tell your friends to surrender or we will have to use lethal force.
BROWNIE begins to laugh.
BROWNIE: Oh, how you wound me! I don't appreciate you underestimating me, agents. What fool would dare to break into a Foundation site with only three members?
Agent Holly: Quinn, I can't get this thing out. It's stuck.
The lights in the hallway begin to flicker repeatedly.
An audible hissing noise can be heard as various cell doors open.
Agent Quinn: Aww, fuck.
SCP-████, ████ and ████3 immediately breach containment. SCP- ████’s effects begin to spread throughout the site, transforming several members of staff into identical likenesses of actor Luiz Guzman. Meanwhile, SCP-████ engages security agents with its ambulatory citrus, which allows REDCAP to evade capture. Holly and Quinn manage to prevent BROWNIE's escape, and escort him to a nearby holding cell for interrogation, under Security Chief Ejsing's orders.
A post-incident investigation would reveal that, at this point, the entire on-site copy of the INTSCPFN database was instantly replaced with a .txt file containing the word ‘WHOOPSIES’. Site-393 had been equipped with brand- new ASCC4 units, prefabricated containment cells that automatically adjusted their properties based on data contained within uploaded SCP documentation. In the absence of said data, a critical oversight caused the ASCC units to reset to a blank state.
Location: Breakroom #2, Administrative Wing In the breakroom, Agent Mason's vision recovers. However, TOLKIEN is only halfway up the rope, visibly struggling to climb due to the weight of its cumbersome backpack. The entity notices the agent and screams, throwing sand in his eyes before fully escaping into the ventilation shaft.
Location: Interrogation Room #24, Security Wing Holly: Who sent you? You working for Mickey D’s?
BROWNIE: Those arrogant door to door salesmen? Please, as if I would ever debase myself as such. Are you some sort of half-wit?
Holly strikes BROWNIE across the face.
BROWNIE: Now, that was entirely uncalled for.
Agent Quinn places the plastic, animal-themed walkie talkie in front of BROWNIE.
Quinn: Contact your allies. Get them to surrender. The inside of a containment cell is safer than going ten rounds with SCP-████.
BROWNIE: I trust them. The plan is going like clockwork. Ah, speaking of.
Security Chief Ejsing enters the interrogation room.
Ejsing: Holly, Quinn, excellent work. He talk?
Holly: Not yet sir. We’ve been trying but the little bastard’s clammed up.
Ejsing: Hmm. I think I can get it out of him. You two can return back to the containment wing. SCP-████ is going wild and we need all hands on deck.
Both agents nod. As they turn to leave, Agent Holly notices a plastic, giraffe-themed walkie talkie strapped to Ejsing’s belt. She raises her weapon slowly and pulls back the safety.
Holly: Sir..? Mind answering a question?
Ejsing: Yes. I do.
Ejsing lunges forward, striking Agent Holly with a chop to the throat before throwing her over his shoulder into the interrogation room wall. Agent Quinn attempts to raise his weapon and fire, but Ejsing diverts the barrel of the gun as it sprays erratically. The two men strain at each other, with Agent Quinn starting to win the physical contest.
Quinn: Who are you? What have you done with Ejsing?
A cloud of smoke bursts from Ejsing’s form. Standing in his place is a red-skinned humanoid with an elongated nose.
Quinn: Wha- This humanoid, hereby referred to as TENGU, capitalises on this moment of confusion, sweeping Quinn’s legs before striking him repeatedly in the face until Quinn falls unconscious. TENGU looks up at BROWNIE and grins.
BROWNIE: Oh, excellent work! My friend, they never suspected a thing.
TENGU frees BROWNIE from his restraints.
TENGU: No, I believe they did. My giraffe walkie talkie seemed to give me away.
Recording is silent for several seconds.
TENGU: Something wrong?
BROWNIE: (Smiling) No, no, not at all.
TENGU: Then let's proceed with the plan.
The two entities begin to move through the site, avoiding security staff via TENGU’s illusionary thaumaturgy.
At this point in time, further communication occurred between Director Pacquette and Security Chief Ejsing.
Jan Ejsing Ejsing?
Director.
I am no longer waiting in my office. I can’t explain right now, but I have reason to believe that I am in mortal danger. I believe it will be best for all of us if I evacuate the site.
Very well. What exit will you be taking?
So I know where to tell my guys to cover.
Right. I’ll be leaving via the C3 elevator. I’m just getting in now.
Good luck.
You’ll need it more than me, ‘director’.
Ejsing?
The elevator has stopped. What is this ugly creature on the display screen?
Are you there? Who is this?
You don’t have to do this.
See you soon !
Following this, Ejsing's number was blocked on the device.
Location: Hallway 6, Administrative Wing BROWNIE and TENGU arrive at an elevator door at the end of the hall. Noise is heard from the ventilation grill next to them before being kicked outwards by TOLKIEN. It hands BROWNIE the Lv4 keycard, who flips it through its fingers, smirking.
A faint crackling sound from the other end of the hallway suddenly draws the trio's attention: a bull with the face of a human man5 slowly approaches, yellow static sparking off its hoofs with each step. Its expression is that of a scowl.
TENGU steps forward, unsheathing a previously invisible sword.
TENGU: I will hold it off. You two carry out the rest of the mission.
TOLKIEN: Are you sure you— TENGU glares back at TOLKIEN.
TENGU: I can handle this.
TOLKIEN: Look at that thing! It's too risky. We can find another way round.
TENGU turns back to face SCP-████.
TENGU: You do not have time. Won't you extend me a bit of trust?
BROWNIE grabs TOLKIEN by the arm.
BROWNIE: He's right. We need to get moving.
BROWNIE and TOLKIEN enter the C3 elevator using the keycard. Director Pacquette can be heard inside pleading for mercy. There is a tearing sound, and the Director's voice rises several octaves in pitch as his pleas continue. Meanwhile, SCP-████ charges toward TENGU, who readies their weapon for a strike.
At this point, all cameras on site cut out and are replaced with the following image for the next 12 minutes: Context Unknown When the feed returns, TENGU is shown to be severely injured: covered in burn marks and heavily bleeding. It is barely able to stand as it props itself up with its sword. Its appearance has also changed, with black wings protruding from its back and wearing traditional yamabushi attire.
SCP-████ shows minor injuries, with its fur having shifted colour from brown to white. It bares its teeth in an awkward expression, a ball of electricity charging between its horns.
TENGU pulls out a giraffe-themed walkie-talkie.
Location: Hallway 3, Containment Wing REDCAP continues fighting site security, who now have pikes of their own in an attempt to combat it.
TENGU (radio): I suppose… this is my stop.
REDCAP drops its pike and claps its hands repeatedly, the force of which blows all attacking personnel to the other end of the hall before focusing its attention on the walkie-talkie.
REDCAP: What're you talking about?
TENGU (radio): When you get to be as old as me, you get a feeling for when your time has come.
REDCAP: Yer 35.
TENGU (radio): Either way, I will not be escaping this place al— REDCAP: Hayata, shut ya' gob, you gob. Where're you?
TENGU (radio): It does not matter. Just listen and let me say my final words.
REDCAP: No!
REDCAP kicks a hole in a wall and walks through it.
REDCAP continued to traverse the site in this manner, exclaiming "No!" each time it broke through a wall.
Location: Hallway 6, Administrative Wing SCP-████ rears up in its hind legs and fires at TENGU — a section of the wall falls on SCP-████, causing it to miss. REDCAP enters the room, stood triumphantly on top of the rubble and SCP-████.
REDCAP: No!
It looks at TENGU, then down at SCP-████, who lifts itself up from under the rubble and REDCAP. A blast of electricity bursts out around SCP-████'s body, which REDCAP visibly recoils from.6 REDCAP: Fuck off, you Poundland greek mythology wanker!
As SCP-████ charges another ball of electricity, REDCAP grabs one of its horns and forces it to the ground. The animal writhes and struggles to break free. REDCAP lifts up its pike, its skin charring and burning, and thrusts down through the lightning ball and into SCP-████'s head. A bright flash momentarily blinds the camera feed.
When the feed clears, SCP-████ is shown to be neutralized, reduced to a skeleton.
Standing above it is a silhouette of black ash in the shape of REDCAP's body, which is promptly blown away by the wind. The only remains of the former-intruder are its iron boots and shattered pike.
Security footage from Elevator C3 recorded the surviving members of SCP-7131 making their escape from the site.
TOLKIEN grabs BROWNIE by the scruff of its tweed jacket, pushing him forcefully into the wall. TOLKIEN drops the large burlap sack that it is carrying, which whimpers softly.
The sack is squirming, and seems to contain some form of small humanoid.
TOLKIEN: You were supposed to be the one with the plan, Wicks. You said we would all be fine if we released those…. things! What the fuck went wrong?
BROWNIE: I- I forgot to account for Gut's protective nature. Oh, oh dear.
He retrieves a brass watch from his jacket pocket and checks the time.
BROWNIE: We’re still on schedule. We simply must not let Gut’s sacrifice be for nothing. He would want us to get the job done.
TOLKIEN: Sacrifice? The job!? He’s a pile of ash on the floor - he ain’t thinking anythin at all. Damn it. Big guy was growing on me.
TOLKEIN kicks the sack. It squeals in pain.
BROWNIE: Fine. Fine, you lout. If we don’t get out of here, then we aren’t getting paid, are we? That’s all that you really care about, is it not? We also need to get him- He gestures to TENGU, who is sprawled against the elevator wall, bleeding heavily. -some first aid, or he is done for.
TOLKIEN breathes heavily in and out.
TOLKIEN: You’re right. I hate it, but you are. We can still get something outta this.
What's the plan then, Mr Mastermind?
The elevator doors open to the site parking garage. BROWNIE exits, carrying the unconscious body of TENGU. He scans the room briefly before beginning to make his way to a delivery van labelled Spicy Crust Pizzeria.
BROWNIE: You said you had experience driving one of these things?
TOLKIEN’s eyes widen.
TOLKIEN: Oh. Oh gob yes.
Exterior security footage showed the Spicy Crust Pizzeria van exiting the parking bay at extreme speeds, crashing through the security blockade that was in the process of being set up outside Site-393. Attempts to follow the van’s progress were stymied by the anti- memetic imagery incorporated in the logo, as well as “suicidally reckless driving.” Agent Quinn: And that’s all she wrote.
Researcher Sajad: Huh. And you’re certain nothing’s missing? All anomalous objects are accounted for?
Quinn: Yep, though now all their files have to be handwritten, and one did die, but now at least it’s easier to contain.
Sajad: What about documents, classified information? One of them was working here as chief of security for god knows how long.
Quinn: No evidence of unauthorized data transfer, even taking into account the Tengu. If there was any information worth stealing, it all got destroyed in the collateral.
Sajad: Casualties?
Quinn: None on our side.
Sajad: Huh. (He leans back in his chair) So they did it just to show they could? Feels like too much effort though. All risk, no reward.
Quinn: I mean, goblins are pretty chaotic by nature. Judging from the ones we have on file, they seem to be inherently unpredictable creatures.
Sajad: Yeah. Just an average day at the Foundation, I guess. Welp,(Williamson gets up from his chair) I better go tell the director that the only thing that was stolen was our precious time. Thanks Quinn.
Quinn: Later Sajad.
Sajad exits the room, but returns 10 minutes later. They are dragging a lifeless automaton identical in appearance to Director Pacquette. There is a sizeable cavity within its chest, suitable for use by a one-foot tall humanoid. Installed within it is a small leather recliner, the arms of which are embedded with a tiny keyboard and joystick.
Quinn: What’s up?
Sajad: Uhhhh… Director Pacquette's whereabouts are currently unknown. SCP-7131 is presumed to be still at large.
Site-393 detection measures for break-ins by diminutive, thaumaturgic humanoids are to be refitted, as current measures have been ineffective at preventing similar incidents for over the previous month.
Footnotes 1. Bathroom camera footage is not monitored live for privacy reasons.
2. Training in hand-to-hand combat with child sized anomalies has been recommended for Site-393 security agents to prevent future issues of this nature.
3. Since Incident 7131, attempts to assign a standard designation to these anomalies in any digital copies of official documentation has resulted in the corruption of said documentation.
4. Adaptive Standard Containment Cell 5. Identified as SCP-████.
6. Due to its iron boots, the entity had a higher conductivity than average.
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