I never really believed the lie that I told myself. It just sounded better than admitting my perpetual state of anxiety that had existed for the vast majority of my life. The uncertainty of when or what the next 'experiment' would be, or how to avoid 'termination' and where I would end up. Those fears were allayed, and new ones cropped up – how I was going to survive in the wilderness, followed by what to do once the junkyard owner inevitably found me, and once I made John's acquaintance – how long he would tolerate my presence. 