I tried to control my emotions. I failed miserably, and the added humiliation of my loss of control only made the tears run faster, hotter. I sobbed like a foal, grief and loss and anger and shame mixing behind my eyes and running down my cheeks in a flood. And even that wasn’t enough to shift the stoic features of my relatives. Not one jot. And oh, how I hated them, for that more than anything. 