'Just one night,' he often said to himself by means of motivation. 'Just one night of sleep with the salve. Just one good night's rest without a care in the world, drifting away as if on a cloud. No nightmares to worry about and no trouble putting thoughts and worries and fears aside. Just sleep, a wink, an instant of oblivion that would finally result in a morning where I could face the world without forcing myself to get up. Just one more time. It's all I want.'